[b]Because this entry is 30-some-odd pages long, I have broken it down into segments.
This is segment two of three.
Entry 9 – October 29th (continued)
OMG, did my mind begin to envision what my bath would be like with Keira and Grant still here. It wasn’t just the bath that was a vulnerable experience, but it was the aftermath of the bath … I guess I could call it the “afterbath” experience. -giggle-
You see, Zeke will bathe me by hand and then lift me out of the tub and wrap me up in a towel. Then he’ll take me into the living room (still wrapped in a towel) and hold me on his lap for a while. Eventually, he will place me on my back on my blanket on the rug and dress me for bed.
I entertained the idea that the rest of the evening wouldn’t have my dancing on the edge of embarrassment and maybe the usual vulnerability would be there.
I was wrong. He placed my pacifier in my mouth, took me by the hand and led me into my nursery. I knew right then that I was in for a treat that would both scare me and excite me.
He gathered up the “necessaries” to dress me after my bath was done and then led me into the bathroom where he began lifting the babydoll dress off my shoulders.
I knew how I felt and my recollections of how I felt are very detailed, but it’s really hard to put to words. How do you explain how a “dream come true” feels? How do you put into plain words what a fantasy in real-life does to your senses, your soul and everything else that makes you who you are?
Starting from the moment I heard the bathwater running to the sight of him summoning me to his side to standing in my nursery as he gathered my bedtime clothing, I felt so very little and so very under his control.
Now I stood in the bathroom with my arms raised as he lifted my dress off my body. He placed the dress on top of the hamper and turned back to me. He could see my eyes had so much to say and that my heart was jumping out of my chest.
I wanted to tell him that I loved him with all my heart. I wanted to say that I was going to be a very good girl for him for the rest of my life. I wanted to say that my life never had more meaning than it did at that very moment and that the first 28 years of my life were merely training for me to learn how to appreciate who he was to me and how he treated me.
He was my new Daddy, but I didn’t once view him or treat him like the horrible father I was given at birth. He was my boyfriend, but I didn’t once view him as any of my previous boyfriends and I didn’t act like the same girlfriend that I was to my previous relationships. He was my fiancée and would become the only husband I would ever have in life.
I stood before him “naked-but-my-baby-diaper” as he liked to say to me. It felt so natural and so real and so very, very right. I would’ve followed him anywhere, just as I was at that moment. It was my role, my purpose, my place in life by his side, in his care, under his protection and his control. It’s where I wanted to be, where I dreamed of being and where I belonged.
And as all these thoughts raced through my head, I craved the feeling of excitement as it built up within me. The fear only intensified the moment. I was so very far gone into an infantile state of mind that I forgot to be scared. That’s because I knew it wasn’t possible to be afraid of anything when in his presence.
The little feelings kept growing inside me, too. Without even knowing it, my chin had lowered and my posture gave proof that I was only capable of being shy and doing what he told me to. (I loved the way it made me feel inside. And I want to feel that way every moment of every day of my life.)
A knock on the door brought me out of a very powerful moment. I timidly turned around to see Keira standing there.
My heart began beating so fast that it almost hurt and I became a little light-headed. She and I had spoken of our relationships, even digging deeply into the moments that were personal and intimate, but this was the first that she had seen my most intimate moments; those points in time when I was completely vulnerable and helpless.
Seeing her standing there looking at me with the sweetest, most adoring smile only made me feel even more like the baby I had become.
I loved the way it made me to feel to be “observed” by her. I wanted to tell her that the tummy butterflies were working overtime inside me. I wanted to tell her how happy I was to be a BabyGirl for him and for myself. But I couldn’t find the words to say (and couldn’t have said much anyway with a pacifier in my mouth.
I ran over to her and gave her a BabyGirl’s most heartfelt hug. She returned the hug with a very maternal embrace. I was so happy at that moment and felt surrounded by a love that only a little girl could appreciate.
She asked Zeke if she could come in. He said yes while turning off the running water and sitting on the toilet lid.
I ran over to him and hugged him as sincerely as I had hugged Keira. He returned the sentiment with his big Daddy arms and patted my diapered bottom as he lifted me up and sat me on his knee.
Keira walked over and knelt down in front of us. She smiled again, sweetly, as she tickled my inner thighs with her fingernails. I giggled, lightly kicking my legs.
Zeke began unfastening my diaper tapes and I buried my face in his chest. I don’t think either of them fully realized how every little thing they were doing was regressing me further into being a baby.
Zeke unfastened the last diaper tape and lifted me up slightly. Keira reached for the front of the diaper. “Naked-but-my-baby-diaper” was about to become just “Naked”.
I may as well have never returned to any aspect of my adult life because I no longer wanted it. (Sigh! If that were only possible.)
She slid the diaper out from underneath me and now I was a naked BabyGirl, with a heart as fragile as could be, a soul as delicate as the petal of a flower (perhaps a lily?
My mind began to slow its thoughts. This was a wonderful thing to have happened since my mind had been racing with scenarios, solutions to scenarios, premonitions and many, many fantasies.
All at once I began to find an interest, almost a fascination with the little things around me that most often get overlooked.
Keira touched the tip of my nose with her fingertip. Then I touched the tip of my nose. I looked at my fingertips and then at hers. Then I looked at both of my hands and moved my fingers around.
I looked back at Keira who lightly patted her hands together. I think she knew that my mind was in such a “little” space at that moment that I needed to be dealt with in such a gentle manner as to not overwhelm me.
Keira had often told me of points in time when her mind began to slow to the point of easy confusion. She said when she found her mind in that state, it seemed as if everything around was foreign to her and the only things that she could comprehend were the littlest gestures, likes smiles, winks, and gentle movements. I didn’t truly understand what it felt like until right then.
I concentrated on Keira’s hands as she gently patted them together. She was trying to get me to play “patty cakes”. I struggled to get my own hands to pat together in the same fashion as hers did. I was never scared by the mindset I was in, but it made me concentrate on performing the simplest of motions with such a focus that everything around me disappeared from view and thought.
I eventually did get my hands to pat together and having accomplished this felt like I had just successfully completed the most challenging task in the world. It gave me such a feeling of achievement that I smiled and wanted to share in the joy that I felt.
Keira clapped with excitement and gave me a hug. I felt so overjoyed that her hug filled me with a love that seemed to pour right back out of me.
I looked up at Zeke with the widest eyes I had ever given him. It was as if I was looking for his praise as well and it felt as if it was not just the most important thing in my world, but also the only thing in my world that mattered at all. I think he also realized what state of mind I was in. He kissed me on the forehead and hugged me as well.
Slowly he stood up with me in his arms. He knelt down alongside the tub and lowered me into the bathwater. As he situated me in the tub for my bath, I watched Keira as she picked up my diaper. Seeing it was wet, she folded it up into a ball to be thrown away.
Keira then knelt by the edge of the tub, emitting a glow about her that could be called “maternal”. It made me feel wonderful to see that reaction from her. For a brief moment, I envisioned being Zeke and Keira’s little girl. (But that was just for a brief moment because Zeke is all mine and no one else’s.) It definitely felt like it, though, as if it were a typical evening event. First my bubble bath in the tub with Mommy and Daddy helping me get clean and then they would get me ready for bed.
I leaned my head back on the back edge of the tub and closed my eyes, just relaxing for a few minutes in the warm bubbly water. I could hear Zeke and Keira talking, but I didn’t know what they were saying. All I knew was that they were talking about me. My mind had become active again with thoughts of fantasy.
I was fast beginning to realize that I was going to feel this way for the rest of the night. And I wondered what else was to come before this night ended. Would Zeke do the usual night time routine, or would he not do it because Grant and Keira were here?
I was crossing my fingers that he would decide to give me the night time treatment. It was such a thrill just thinking about all the possibilities: my night time bottle feeding, my tendency to become rambunctious right before bed, the occasional bowls of ice cream Zeke would give me if I managed to not be rambunctious, falling asleep on his chest and the thoughts just kept coming.
A smile formed on my face that wouldn’t leave for a little while. I was truly happy. My secret desires had become my reality and now my friends not only knew it, but saw it and I didn’t feel odd or foolish for having wishes in my heart that could be called a little strange.
I heard Zeke dipping a wash cloth in my bubbly bath water and sloshing it around. Sitting up, I squinted my eyes at the bright lights of the bathroom. I looked over at Keira as Zeke began washing my back. She still had that glow about her that told me she was enjoying the site of me in absolute baby mode. My tummy got a funny feeling and then the butterflies returned. Keira was watching me get my bath and I was loving this attention!
I had the little feeling within me and I longed for that wash cloth on my skin. It was as if all the nerves in my body released and rushed to the surface. I was without a single bit of stress in my mind and in my body. It’s a state of mind that sounds wonderful, but is actually just a dream. Nobody can become that relaxed. Nobody can “let go” enough to actually get to feel that way … or so I thought.
Then Zeke dipped the wash cloth in the bath water again and began washing my legs followed by my peach. And sexual urges cut through me like a knife.
Just like that my “big and little” confusion returned and I was delirious as I tried so hard to stay in absolute baby mode while also trying to deal with the yearnings that continued multiplying as his hands crossed over my lower body. My face went flush for a second and my eyes began to tear up a little.
I looked up at Keira like a lost child searching for something she desperately needed. Keira put a small frown of sympathy on her face. She knew what was wrong and how much it affected me to not know.
I began to think that maybe if I told him how it affected me he would understand. It’s the natural progression in any relationship. I was his little girl and it was his responsibility to take care of, provide for and protect me, even if that meant protecting me from myself. I will become his wife and he still do all of that. As his lover, I would wish for nothing less and hopefully a lot more.
I decided to succumb to him as I always do. Woah! That sounded like a bad thing, didn’t it? It’s actually a wonderful thing! I gave in to him and relied on him to comfort me. It wouldn’t be long before he saw my teary eyes and would console me. And I would then realize that the very thing I was searching for and desperately needed was him. Zeke was all I needed all along.
I spent the rest of my bath time finding my composure. By the time Zeke finished washing me and let the water out, I had dried my tears from within.
He took me by the hand and stood me up. I lifted up my arms, as normal, so a towel could be wrapped around me.
Oh my … the feeling of being completely naked at that moment was overwhelming. My chin lowered, my shoulders shrunk up and the infantile feelings won me over. I was happy to be able to focus on having fun again, but it seemed every single thing that happened would flip my mind from having big urges to little urges and vice versa. This was torturous.
Zeke wrapped me in a towel, lifting me into his arms. He sat on the edge of the tub, putting me on his knees so I could watch the bath water swirl and drain out of the tub. This was what I did after every bath. It was also good fun.
I watched the tub until all that was left was bubbles. Then I sat up as Zeke held me tightly. This always felt good, too. I was close to him and the heat from his body felt good through the towel, but this time something new happened.
Keira put a towel over my head and began rubbing my wet hair. She would rub my hair a little and then stop to play peek-a-boo with me through the towel. It amazed me that Keira had learned how to find my littlest mindset. She knew exactly what to do to get me laughing and clapping and best of all, she knew how to take my mind off a subject that was troubling me. Zeke is the only other person I met in my life that had that effect on me.
She only took my hair from wet to damp and then stopped all together. She leaned in towards me and gave me Eskimo kisses with her noses and butterfly kisses with her eyelashes.
It was then that I figured out what she and Zeke were talking about quietly as I soaked in the tub. Zeke told her about all the little “delicate touches” and “silly games” that I adored and loved to play. She was very sweet and loving for having indulged my “little mind” at that moment.
Keira really makes me happy.
Zeke carried me out into the living room. Keira followed with my bed clothing. He sat me on the rug and placed a pacifier to my lips. He placed my hands on the top edge of the towel wrapped around my body. I held it against me with little fists so it wouldn’t fall. I looked over at the couch and saw Grant who had been watching stupid football all this time.
Grant looked back at me with a smile and gave me a playful wave. I waved back, trying to hide my renewed shy feeling. This was the first time I had been in front of another guy while being the BabyGirl I am. It was a very intense moment and I didn’t think it would be, but Grant was kind about it and didn’t make me uncomfortable by getting too involved before I could handle him doing so.
I looked back at Zeke and saw that he had taken the nightie from Keira and had prepared it to slip over my head. It was a good thing that he was ready to put it on my right away because when I looked back at him and saw the nightie I instinctively threw my arms up in the air like I always do so he can dress me. When I threw my arms up I let go of the towel which fell to my waist, exposing my boobies for a few seconds before Zeke quickly slipped my nightie down over my head and shoulders.
He eased me down onto the rug and it was then that I realized that our ways of thinking had reversed for a moment. Normally I am conscious of not being seen naked by anyone other than Zeke (and now Keira). And normally, it’s Zeke who doesn’t mind me being naked like that. But this time, it was Zeke who moved fast to cover my body while it was I who didn’t give it a second thought.
Guiding my head to rest on the rug, he slid the towel away from my waist and under my bottom. I watched him as he turned to Keira who handed him my diaper and powder. It was that image of her handing him those items that made me smile as a wave of happiness washed over me. I curled up into a ball to compensate for the butterfly dancing that had filled my tummy.
It was baby time and I was in an overjoyed state of mind. This can sometimes lead to trouble as I will overdo it, but it’s the most difficult emotion to control, especially if you truly don’t want to control it at all.
With a grin on my face, I looked up, watching the light from the TV flickering on the ceiling. I heard my diaper being unfolded. I remained in a ball, figuring that the first thing Zeke would do would be to raise my legs and bottom anyway.
I heard the crinkling of the diaper as he positioned it on the rug underneath me and then that sweet smell of baby powder filled the air lightly at the same time as the coolness of the powder touched my bottom. All I could do was to lay there and smile widely behind my pacifier, like a giddy little girl.
This was a diapering I would never forget. The process was no different than any other time. It was just that this time I was being observed.
Grant and Keira have their own fetish relationship, yet they forewent even discussing it so that I could have this experience. Everyone else in the room was an adult to me and I was the Baby.
Uncurling my legs and lowering my bottom down, I felt the inside of the diaper on my toosh. As he began wrapping me up in my diaper, Zeke asked Grant what had happened in the game while he was bathing me.
Grant filled him in as Keira disappeared into the kitchen. Hearing the microwave being used, I lied there, parting my legs when instructed as Zeke brought my diaper up and into place, fastening the tapes at my hips. I could hear the mutter of a sports game on the TV behind me, glancing up at the TV occasionally when a fun sounding commercial came on.
All the noises became jumbled in my brain. From the TV to Zeke and Grant talking to the microwave being on, my mind was filled with so much that I couldn’t differentiate any of it.
I felt like a baby. I can’t write that enough because it was such a wonderful feeling. The thought of being treated as a baby in front of people was intoxicating and caused the reaction of breathlessness to return. I was living vicariously through my overwhelming condition.
The microwave dinged and I looked into the kitchen to see Keira take a bottle out of the microwave and shake it up. Everything around me was being done for me.
More conversations between Grant and Zeke started up. But nothing was said to me in an adult fashion. Then Keira said something to Zeke who looked at me for a moment and answered her. Now there were conversations about me that were taking place right in front of me. My head was filled with all these sounds and sights and senses. I was being treated and regarded as a BabyGirl and I loved it as much as I loved life and Zeke and love itself.
Up into Zeke’s arms I went once again. And over to the reclining chair he carried me, placing me on his lap. He turned me towards the TV, placing me across his lap and resting my neck on his arm. I heard Keira entering from the kitchen behind me. With one swift move, Zeke removed the pacifier from my mouth with his pinky finger and reached up to Keira who handed him my bottle.
My mind was now beginning to wander on its own. I had returned to such a little space of mind that my attention span was gone. He placed the nipple of the bottle to my lips and, instinctively, I took it in my mouth as I grabbed the bottle with both of my hands and leaned up against his chest.
For a few minutes, I remained just like that as Zeke rocked me back and forth, very slowly and gently, while patting my diapered bottom. Then, when I was mid-way done with my bottle, Keira redirected my head back onto Zeke’s arm and she did something to me that I’ll never forget.
To Be Continued …
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