Because this entry is 30-some-odd pages long, I have broken it down into segments.
This is segment one of three.
Entry 9 – October 29th
I had a girls’ day out with my friends. It wasn’t the bachelorette party. Just a day out. Erica took Keira and me to the salon. Heather couldn’t make it, but I really wished she could have. We had such a good time because we are becoming fast friends. We are all friends on facebook and are constantly chatting on it.
I can’t recall any other time in my life when I was friends with three girls who had such much in common with me. And it’s more than just the AB thing that we have in common. Our clothing styles (though they are different for each of us), our hobbies (when we’re not being so little) , our senses of humor, our needs to talk and talk a lot (which is really important when you have something you really want to tell someone), a genuine disliking for football (though Keira does sometimes get into Penn State football because she went to that school and used to go to the games each week), a need to have fun that is free from competition and stress and guys, a love for ice cream and chocolate, and friendship that we cherish.
Heather and I are definitely the “babies” of the group. We are all definitely submissive in our lives and in our relationships, but Erica and Keira become the alpha-females when we do things together.
Though I’m a few years older than Keira, she has had more experiences in her life all ready than me and she has a lot of self-confidence that I lack sometimes. So she takes care of my worries by talking with me and listening to me in a way that only another girl could understand. Zeke is wonderful and I love him, but Zeke’s a guy and has to first figure out what my problem is before he can make it go away. Keira naturally understands what my problem is and I don’t even have to tell her sometimes. She just knows.
Today, we decided to have a very girly day out. So we got our nails painted. Since most everything I wear is pink, I got my nails painted pink, too. Keira got a deep shade of red and Erica got a dark brown shade. (Erica likes darker colors.)
So the three of us went to Park City Mall. (It’s the only real indoor mall in Lancaster.) We weren’t really looking for anything to buy, but Erica bought this adorable teddy outfit at Victoria Secret’s and Keira bought a rather feisty mini skirt and top at Spencer’s gifts. After that, they decided that we weren’t leaving until I bought something for myself. Zeke had given one hundred dollars to spend. Zeke stayed home and he and Grant watched football.
I decided I wanted a new outfit that I could wear in public (but still had that “little” appeal to it.) So we visited every store we came across that might have what I was looking for. I must’ve tried on a dozen different outfits and modeled them for Erica and Keira.
And it was then that I realized all three of us were blessed by God with the same wonderful gift of stamina. We must’ve spent hours trying to find me just one outfit that I liked. And none of us got tired or weary from the challenge.
(This may seem strange, but I’m beginning to believe that being around Zeke and submitting to him makes me pee a lot more. We had been out at the mall for quite some time and I wasn’t wet nor was I even damp. Hmmm.)
Anyways, I finally found the outfit I was looking for. Guess where I found it? At Victoria’s Secret! I guess that was no surprise, but the surprise was that I found it on the clearance rack. It was from their summer collection and was a rather small size. Nobody could fit it. I guess that’s why it wound up on discount. It was actually a little too big for me (which made me feel good to know that), but I bought it anyway.
It’s called a “Silk-Trim Babydoll Dress”. It’s a cream-colored dress that covers my legs down to mid thigh. It also has some neat details. There are two hidden pockets on the front, zips up on the side, and has full length sleeves with buttons even down to the wrists. So I would be able to wear it in many different ways.
I stepped out of the dressing room and threw my arms out, declaring I had found the outfit I wanted. Erica and Keira smiled when they saw how happy I was and they both thought I looked very cute in it.
I was so pleased with the dress and thought it made me look so cute that I decided to leave it on as we headed for JC Penney’s.
On the way, the three of us started talking about the more “grown up” sides of our relationships. And OMG, let me tell you Erica has got a wild side to her!! She wears the diaper, but is still the “boss” of her relationship. She told us about some pretty provocative adventures she and her boyfriend have gone on. I don’t think there is a single location left on the planet where they haven’t had sex. She said her greatest craving is finding the ideal time and place where “a little kink mixed with the right amount of sweetness makes the perfect recipe for magic”. I love the way she says stuff. It makes me smile just seeing how happy she is.
Keira and I spend a lot of time comparing our experiences. I don’t have many to share. So I’m always full of questions about sex and submission. And I’m grateful she doesn’t think I’m lame because I’m a little naïve. She tells me that once Zeke and I are married, he will teach me a lot quickly.
Keira told me even more about how dominant Grant can be to her and where her mind goes when he is being particularly aggressive.
She said she always starts out with a little fear in her heart right as he begins touching her. She doesn’t know if he wants to be intimate or wants her to beg him to be rough with her.
It sounded like a kind of fear that would make her submissive either way it went. Keira said his intentions become clear quickly and he even dominates her thoughts. Eventually, her composure “crumbles” before him and once the mind-blowing sex ends, his care for her afterwards is as tender in nature as he can be. And that’s the moment when she goes “little”.
I wonder how Zeke will take care of me after he makes love to me the first time. He’s always gentle with me. So I wonder if it will be the same after an orgasm for him.
I can’t wait to find out. Ahhh! I love him and want him so badly! Talking with Erica and Keira about sex only makes me want Zeke more. I don’t want to avoid the subject when I’m with them. Even though I know it would probably help me get over the wait I still have, I know what my heart feels right now. I won’t allow it to ruin the relationship that he and I have.
I wish I could just say something to him and find out if he feels the same way, but I’m scared to.
Keira says that after you have a sexual experience, “the littler, the better” is the aftermath mindset that you’ll crave more than ever before.
Hearing her say that only makes me want it to happen right now even more. The experiences Zeke and I are missing out on would be wonderful. It would be the ultimate submission for me to make … giving my body to every desire he has within himself.
I can only sit here and imagine what it would feel like when he first entered me and how powerful the emotions would be that I would become filled with.
I had to get the subject off my mind before it drove me any crazier. So, I imagined the last time Zeke fed me dinner while I sat in a high chair. Then I thought about buying a pacifier every time Zeke went shopping with me.
Erica and Keira both know that Zeke and I are waiting for marriage before we make love. They also know that I’m not so much “waiting” as I am trying to not give in.
They could tell it was upsetting me to talk about sex. So, they ended our naughty conversation. The three of us always know when it’s time to change the subject.
Getting “little girl” thoughts back, I began bouncing up and down. Without much encouragement, Keira soon got the “bouncies” too and Erica took us down to the Food Court play area to give us an outlet for our silly-ness.
Keira and I bring out the “fun side” in each other when we’re together. And our talks of life and relationships turn into playfulness that we can’t control. Erica always keeps her modesty intact. She identifies with the BabyGirl Feeling, but not the BabyGirl Behavior. It’s probably best that she doesn’t join us in acting like two-year-olds. Then we’d have no one to look after us.
We also wouldn’t have had anyone to take picture of Keira and me climbing all over the play area equipment. You know, I’m glad that Erica is a friend. Otherwise, those pictures would serve as blackmail material. Especially the ones where I was dangling upside down and my dress had flipped up, showing my diaper.
Thankfully, there weren’t too many people in the food court just then, but there would be soon as dinner time was approaching.
None of us wanted anything to eat (well … none of us wanted to eat anything in front of each other and then deal with that “fat feeling” afterwards) so we headed back to Zeke’s apartment.
Erica dropped us off because she and her boyfriend were headed to a get-together in Hanover that she called “quite erotic” and said nothing more about. (I will, however, be asking her how it went tomorrow!)
Keira and I ran to the front door, got buzzed in and took the elevator up to my floor.
I was really excited to see what Zeke was going to think of the dress his money bought me. Keira and I spent the time in the elevator straightening and situating our clothing and our hair and such. (It may seem strange that we didn’t worry so much about such things while in the public, but now we obsessed over them as we were about to return to the guys.)
The elevator doors opened and Zeke was standing there waiting for us. Keira lightly waved to Zeke and she walked into the apartment and over to Grant who was sitting on the sofa. She took a seat on his lap and they said there “hello’s”.
I felt my heart begin to pound and I wanted to jump into his arms right then, but I waited. And I stood there in the elevator, “modeling” the dress from him as I spun around in a circle and then playfully rocked back and forth as I awaited his reaction.
The very sight of him made me happy. It had been a day of girly fun, but now it was time for male attention. I must have also been ready for attention from “Daddy”, too. Just that easily, I began to pee. Simply being in front of him, I began to regress, but only allowed myself to regress so much because we had guests.
I think he liked the dress. He stood there speechless and stared at my body. It felt really good to watching his eyes as he focused on my shoulders then my chest then my waist and continued on down to my feet and then back up.
I stood there in the elevator so long that the doors began to close. Zeke put his hand out to stop them from closing. I stepped forward and asked him what he thought of the dress.
“You … look … beautiful” was all he could say.
I walked off the elevator and into his arms. He wrapped them around me and embraced me firmly but lovingly. Then his hand went right to my diapered toosh. I wanted to tell him that I hadn’t wet myself all afternoon until just a moment ago, but I decided not to, realizing that it didn’t matter whether I told him that or not.
I pressed my body up against him tightly. His embrace felt so good. The texture of his shirt on my cheek, the scent of his body, the feel of his fingertips as they gently stroked my hair – all made me feel wonderful inside and told me how much he missed me.
The noise from the TV and from Keira telling Grant about our shopping trip all seemed to fade into the background. I looked up into his eyes and the room around us became a blur. He was the only thing I saw. His eyes danced with a burning flame that made me long for his hands on my body.
I felt the nipple of my pacifier on my lips, not having realized he had taken it out of one of the front pockets of my dress. But his eyes never changed their look or intensity. I took the pacifier in my mouth and my mind began to analyze the signals I thought he was sending me.
Was he trying to tell me something?
What thoughts were on his mind at that moment?
Was something wrong or was everything just right?
Before he lifted me into his arms, I believe I had all ready come up with ten explanations for what that look in his eyes meant. But I didn’t know which one was the right one.
He carried me into the nursery and set me on the changing table, beginning to lower me down on my back when I stopped him.
He looked at me strangely and I guided his hand onto the front of my diaper so he could feel that I wasn’t done peeing yet.
I closed my eyes and certainly would bit into my lip at that moment if I didn’t have my pacifier in my mouth. I pressed his hand against my diaper as tightly as I had hugged him. The pressure it created added to the relief I was feeling from wetting gave me a slight shiver to deal with. This was a moment that was usually innocent and now was getting dangerously close to becoming something else.
I finished and he eased me down onto my back, flipping my dress up onto my tummy and out of the way. I laid there and enjoyed the relief that I didn’t even know my bladder needed. At the same time, his hands were having a different affect on me as he raised my feet up in the air, untying my shoes and removing them.
My struggle with being his BabyGirl while also being his girlfriend continued. I always believed that I need to be his BabyGirl and wanted to be his lover, but nowadays, I know I need both, not just one or the other.
I looked over at my crib as he unfastened my diaper. Folding my legs and raising my bottom in the air, he slid my wet diaper away. My eyes wandered around the nursery, scanning its contents.
I saw the rocking chair he often read me bed time stories from, the toy chest that now had so many toys in it that the lid could no longer be closed, the window that in my dreams led to a grassy backyard and often greeted the moonlight and that little elf Mr. Woody, the coloring books that I had been using last night, the bucket of crayons that must’ve weighed five pounds, the stars on the ceiling that he had put up there in constellation shapes…
Everything about my nursery enabled me to return to the mindset of being a BabyGirl. I was grateful that he changed my diapers in that room, especially now that I was begin to have more sexual feelings for him.
He lowered my legs down onto my new diaper and began fastening it into place. I looked at the closet doors next to the changing table. They were closed, but I knew that behind those doors was a little girl’s wardrobe, complete with a whole bunch of hair stuffs that were often used to give me the babydoll look, from head-to-toe.
Everything about our relationship was pure and we never cheated the process. Our time to be husband and wife was coming. It just hadn’t arrived yet. I didn’t want to lose him because of a careless moment of indiscretion where I revealed that I didn’t want to wait anymore and that I wanted him to be more than just my Daddy … now.
I opted to be cautious, once again, and said nothing.
My legs were still curled up when he patted my diapered bottom. This snapped me away from my drifting thoughts and back to the moment.
He looked down at me with those “Daddy Eyes” that always commanded my heart, my emotions and my senses. Well … they worked again. I regressed into baby mode and lifted my hands up to him like a little girl to her Daddy.
He lifted me up into his arms and I wrapped myself around him. Even when my own thoughts seemed like they were trying to destroy me, I knew that I always had a place to go where I felt safe from everything … in his arms I belonged.
He carried me into the living room and sat me on the rug. Then he told me that there was someone who wanted to say hello.
I looked over at Keira who was still sitting on Grant’s knee. They both looked down at me with adoring looks that gave me tummy butterflies. (This is a feeling that would revisit me several more times before this evening ended.)
Suddenly, Pretzel came galloping down the hallway and jumped up onto my lap. I was so happy to see her I hugged her and laid down on my back as she spent the next minute licking my face and neck. I broke out into muffled laughter behind my pacifier as I rolled from side to side to avoid the ticklish feeling of her licking me.
Keira joined me on the rug, playing with Pretzel as Grant kept watching football and Zeke disappeared into the kitchen. I could hear him on his cell phone with someone. Then I saw him place a cooking pot on the stove. I wondered what he was going to make.
I was having such a fun time with Keira that the facts that I had a pacifier in my mouth, was changed in my nursery with them in the living room, and was carried out in Zeke’s arms in front of them didn’t bother me. As a matter of fact, it was thrilling that I was so comfortable with situation and enjoying the “baby feelings” inside me with company at home.
Little did I realize how intensified those “baby feelings” would become before the night was out. But I’m getting ahead of myself ……
Zeke had ordered Chinese food, his personal favorite cuisine (if you can call Chinese food a cuisine) and he had made a pot of macaroni and cheese for me.
When he walked back into the living room, he told everyone that dinner was almost ready. Then he handed me a sippy cup of apple juice. I took it from him bashfully and placed my pacifier in my left front pocket. As I drank from the sippy cup, my mind envisioned what dinner might be like.
I remember that night a few weeks ago when Tay-Tay came to visit. I sat in my high chair and ate dinner with my fingers. I remember I was wearing a white baby-t and a bib … oh! And my diaper, of course! lol That experience was unforgettable, but the visitor was my sister. This time, Grant and Keira were here. Just the thought of being fed dinner while in my high chair made my tummy tense up. It was a mixture of anticipation and fear of what Grant and Keira would think.
I tried to pretend like I wasn’t distracted by the thought of what the dinner experience might hold in store for me and I continued playing with Keira and Pretzel. After what seemed like forever (but was probably just a few minutes), Zeke finally announced that dinner was ready. He handed me a bowl of macaroni as Grant and Keira walked into the kitchen to load their bodies with MSG Chinese delights.
Dinner was spent in the living room as football continued to rule the TV. There would be no high chair in my immediate dining future and to be honest, it suited me just fine. I wasn’t sure how I would feel if I had been placed in the high chair with them here.
Here’s the amazing thing: While Zeke and Grant watched a completely different football game, they talked about the game that Penn State had won earlier in the day. How can they concentrate on what they were watching while talking about another game? It seemed like a waste of time to be watching the game that was on. (And besides, this was cutting in to time that Keira and I could have been watching SpongeBob.)
After dinner, Keira and I took Pretzel for a walk. We didn’t wander too far. It was dark out and nighttime in Lancaster in late October was cold. But we bundled up and braved the elements.
Thankfully, Pretzel is a tiny dog and doesn’t leave much of a mess outside that has to be cleaned up. I held Pretzel’s leash and Keira held the plastic shopping bag, ready to do the dreaded “pick up” when necessary.
After Pretzel pooped, I picked her up and stuck her inside my coat. It was cold out and she was skinny. I didn’t want her to be cold.
We got back at about 7 pm. Pretzel sprinted out of the elevator like she always does. It’s almost as if she was announcing her return. But when she comes back, she sprints down the hallway and through every single room until she has tires herself out and often comes to rest on my blanket if it’s spread out on the living room rug.
Keira and I sat at the kitchen table and started talking about my engagement to Zeke. I had something important to ask her. I told her that in the short time we had known each other that I felt like I could tell her anything and that her friendship was very important to me. Then I asked her to be one of my bride’s maids. And she said yes!
I was so happy that I jumped up from the table and we hugged each other excitedly. Then we sat back down and began to quietly discuss every detail of the wedding. I was on cloud nine!
I told her that I was going to look at wedding dresses tomorrow with my sister Tay-Tay and I wanted her to go along as well. Keira said she would ask Grant if it was okay for her to come with me.
Just then I heard a noise that transformed me from giddy bride-to-be into a BabyGirl so helpless and infantile that she nervously looked for her Daddy to give her direction and renew the sense of security that she couldn’t live without.
And what was the noise I heard that brought this change within my mind about so quickly, you may ask?
I heard my bath water being drawn in the bathroom.
Feeling like a “baby” at that moment might be the greatest understatement of all time. I felt like I was about to spend the rest of my evening as a one-year-old. That thought sent shivers up my spine and unleashed a million butterflies in my tummy all at once.
You see, my evening bath begins a series of events designed to settle me down. The end result is to be put to bed in my crib. And all of this was about to happen with Keira and Grant here to observe.
I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know whether to ask Zeke to hold off on the bath until they left or ask Zeke to put me in the tub right away so I couldn’t talk my way out of it. I didn’t know whether to hyperventilate or bounce up-n-down or just sit there and pee.
My shoulders shrunk up and I walked through the front gate of “baby land” in my mind, a place where I knew I would be for the rest of the night.
Zeke appeared at the kitchen entrance and summoned me over to him with his finger. His presence was so domineering that it scared me, yet so inviting that I obediently got up and walked over to him.
To Be Continued …
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