You Can Always Go Back

You can always go back, but you can’t go back all the way
– Missisippi, Sheryl Crow vocals, Bob Dylan lyrics

Greetings, I’m Trish. I wrote a few stories on the Network54 site, and the first follow-up site (which was eventually destroyed I think.) Also, about that time, my hard drive died and destroyed a story I was writing. This seriously ruffled my feathers and I haven’t written anything since. Honestly, if anyone still has my story which ends with mall security going to a different bathroom than the one the protagonists fear, well let me know.

But in honor of the brave writers who continue to churn out brilliant material, here’s a story for you. Again, I’m not really interested in constructive feedback (only praise), so I’m just going to post this all at once.

A few more words of warning, since this intro is so short already.
-This story contains elements of truth, but is just a fantasy.
-Chapter 3 contains adult material, but I think it is crucial for the character development.
-The story is written in a different style than my past stories, but I’m a different writer now. If you look for the themes in this, you should understand why my style of writing has changed. I also have a few comments at the end.

Ch. 1

Perhaps the light blue pair of flip-flops Karen tried on weren’t “adorable”, but they were at least “cute”. And at $7, the price was right. The only question was whether or not they would be comfortable for long walks in the park. Due to the elastic band holding the pair of flip-flops together, Karen certainly wasn’t going to be able to test them out completely. But Karen took a few mini-steps, with her feet shuffling together down the aisle.

“Mommy, I’m going potty.”

What? Karen was suddenly shocked out of her shoe euphoria. She heard the statement from the aisle next to her. Did I just hear what I thought I heard? Karen quickly poked her head around the corner and noticed a 3 year old girl sitting in a cart while her mom was talking on the cell phone.

“We’ll be out of here in a minute sweety,” the mom said before returning to her phone conversation.

Karen stepped aside in shock. Did that girl know she was wetting her diaper and her mom wasn’t even hurrying her to the bathroom? How strange? Karen wanted to spend a few more minutes by the mother and daughter to see what happened, but she didn’t want to seem like she was stalking them. Plus she had to get to her sister’s birthday party. She hurried to the card section and picked out a generic birthday card.

But then as Karen walked up to the register she saw the mom and daughter checking out. After making their purchases, the mom put the daughter down on the ground. And sure enough the girl waddled out to the car, with her steps clearly impaired by her wet diaper.

Karen didn’t know what to think. All sorts of emotions flushed over her. Three years ago Karen had been obsessed with diapers and wetting, but she hadn’t thought about it since she graduated from college. She felt her heart racing as she thought back to those memories. I can’t believe I just saw that girl wet her pants! She smiled to herself.

Karen then drove to her sister’s house and joined the family on the patio in backyard.

“Karen, glad to see you. Do you want something to drink?” her sister asked. “We have soda in the cooler and I can get you some lemonade if you’d like.”

“Lemonade would be great Kathy”, Karen replied. Karen then said hello to Kathy’s husband, her niece, her nephew, and introduced herself to a few of Kathy’s co-workers who had joined them for the birthday BBQ. Karen didn’t really know any of the co-workers so she sat herself down on a chair on the edge of the patio and watched Kathy’s kids kick a soccer ball around the backyard.

Her mind flashed back to the girl at the store. What was it about the incident that caught her attention so? It wasn’t like she had never seen a girl wet a diaper. She had changed her niece’s diapers a few years ago. The truth was, ever since she graduated from college and her sister had kids, she just thought about diapers differently. But the whole incident at the store changed things. What was she feeling? What struck her was that it just seemed so wrong. The mom seemed so indifferent to the girl wetting. Her sister had never been like that. Her sister’s kids were 5 and 3 and both had been potty trained since they were 1 and a half. Heck, she was pretty sure her own mom had been strict about potty training too. Karen remembered her mom bragging about how Karen was almost potty trained before she could walk.

But here was this girl, sitting in her cart, telling her mom she was peeing, and her mom didn’t care. Karen’s heart raced. She smiled.

Ch. 2

Karen drove 5 miles out of her way to a pharmacy where she never shopped. She quickly perused the incontinence pads and didn’t see anything she hadn’t tried before. She looked briefly at the swim diapers on an end-cap. Karen always wondered how a swim diaper worked, but they were clearly too small to fit her. Then she went to the diaper aisle. A new packaging caught her eye. There was a package of girl’s underjams XL priced on sale. Karen looked at the package and couldn’t believe her eyes. The girls on the package all looked like adolescents. The idea of any of the girls on the package wetting the bed seemed remarkable.

Karen encountered a long line at the front of the store, but waited and purchased the underjams anyhow. There was a time when she would have been embarrassed to do this, but that time had passed. She knew at age 25 she was clearly too young to have an adolescent child who was a bed-wetter, but she wasn’t worried about the clerk saying anything. The thrill, the rush, the danger she once felt from making this transaction had long since past.

Karen hurried home and ripped open the packaging. She slid off her panties and held the hem of her dress up as she quickly slid on the bedwetting diaper. Wow, these things are snug, Karen thought to herself. She seemed to remember that girl’s goodnites still fit her perfectly, but these underjams barely fit over her non-adolescent hips. Oh well, the snug feel was still fun.

The purple trim on the underjams was also fun. Most girl’s diapers had pink colors or Disney prints, but this had a refreshing and subtle purple design. It seemed a little more grown-up to her, but not as boring as an adult diaper. The thought of a 12 year old girl wearing these made Karen smile.

Karen then proceeded to spend the next hour guzzling a 2 liter bottle of Diet Pepsi until she worked up a strong need to pee. Karen then stared at herself in the mirror as she flooded the diaper. It expanded slowly without a hint of a leak. She reached down and felt the warm wet bulge below her. It felt nice, but hardly erotic. She decided to wear the diaper for awhile longer.

Her sister called and asked Karen if she had left her sunglasses at her house, but the sunglasses didn’t belong to Karen. Karen wished her sister another Happy Birthday and then hung up. By now Karen felt the need to pee again. She peed again, and even though she thought she felt a small drop, a tiny leak on her leg, the diaper held. Karen decided to leave the diaper on for a little while longer. She went to turn on the computer, but quickly realized that she couldn’t sit down without causing a leak. The diaper was near capacity.

Instead she went back in the bathroom and stared at the girls on the packaging. She couldn’t help but smile at the idea of any of those girls wearing a diaper. They all seemed way too old to wet the bed. Did some girls really wet the bed at that age?

Karen flashed back to when her friend Summer slept over in 2nd grade. Summer was 8 and a half at the time and Summer wet her sleeping bag. Karen’s mom was furious and Karen could still picture her mom yelling at Summer. “What’s the matter with your parents! They can’t get you to stay dry at night? You’re eight year’s old! Eight-year-old girls don’t pee themselves. Only babies wet themselves. I’m going to have to have a talk with your mom.”

Karen bounced back to reality as she felt the need to pee again. (The half bottle of Pepsi made the urges more frequent.) Karen released a trickle and this time the diaper couldn’t keep up. She soon felt the pee leaking down her leg and splashing on the tile floor in the bathroom. She held her dress out of the way and smiled at herself in the mirror acting like a little girl who had an accident.

“Why didn’t you tell me your diaper was wet?” Karen scolded herself in the mirror. She reached down and felt the wetness of the soaked diaper and felt a twinge of arousal.

Ch 3 and 4

Ch. 3

Karen laid down in her bathtub and stroked her clitoris until she reached climax. Moments after climax Karen felt a twinge of guilt. She always felt guilt at this time. It seemed like a routine with her with diapers. She’d always wet them until the leaked, masturbate, and then feel guilty about what she had done. She felt guilty just like when her mom yelled at her. Or maybe it was different. She felt guilty like she did when her friend Summer wet her sleeping bag. It was a detached guilt, a combination of empathy and guilt all at the same time.

It was an emotion she could feel no other way. It was fun in a way; it was a novelty; but it certainly wasn’t satisfying. It wasn’t the same as snuggling with someone on the couch or cooking dinner from someone you love. Karen knew this. She knew diapers couldn’t make her happy. But she still felt attracted to the diapers.

Why? Why do I do this? Karen asked herself. Partly she knew the answer, partly she didn’t.

Maybe it was because her first sexual experience was with Summer in high school. Karen and Summer had been drinking. Well, that’s an understatement. Karen and Summer were drunk. Karen’s parents were out of town and they had each downed 3 wine coolers. (This may not seem like a lot, but when you never drink and you drink 3 wine coolers in 2 hours, well let’s just say you get drunker than you think you are.)

Summer and Karen were sitting on Karen’s double bed and Summer asked Karen if she had ever masturbated. Karen said she didn’t know how. The truth was, Karen didn’t dare think about it. Her mom had told her many times that masturbation was a sin, but here was Summer, drunk on her bed, sliding off her panties. Summer proceeded to masturbate and then fell asleep. Karen was fascinated and still a little drunk. Karen lay down next to Summer’s sleeping body and slid her hand into her own panties. Karen tried to find her clitoris but it was hiding. Possibly because she was drunk, possibly because she wasn’t remotely horny, she couldn’t seem to work up the urge to masturbate, even if she had known what she was doing.

So Karen laid there and stared at Summer sleeping next to her. She remembered the night when Summer wet her sleeping bag. She kept picturing Summer standing their with wet pajama bottoms and the thought of the wetness finally turned her on. And then Karen masturbated for the first time. The next night, (this time by herself), Karen masturbated again to the thought of Summer wetting her sleeping bag. She equated Summer not being able to holder her bladder with her own inability to hold back an orgasm.

And from then on, Karen just associated orgasm with the thought of wetting. It didn’t make a lot of sense. It didn’t even explain all her feelings. But Summer rarely was able to climax without thinking about some sort of wetting accident.

Despite her encounter with Summer, Karen didn’t consider herself to be a lesbian. But the thought of being a little girl in wet pants turned her on far more than any sexual encounter with a man. Yes, she’d had sex before a few times. (Don’t get any ideas. She dated one boy for a long time in college and they were committed to each other. It just didn’t work out.) But she didn’t really find intercourse to feel that good. In fact, the only time she really orgasmed from sex was one time when she started on the pill and her boyfriend didn’t wear a condom. After sex, she felt the sperm running down her leg and it really turned her on. (Sadly, they broke up when he took a job in another state.)

So part of Karen’s love of diapers and wetting was sexual, but part of it wasn’t. Part of it was the adrenaline rush. Part of it was the risk of doing something wrong and getting away with it. And as Karen lay there in her leaking purple-trimmed underjams, she wondered how she could get that part back. How could she feel the risk she once felt when she first wore a diaper in public? Where was the adrenaline rush?

Ch. 4

Karen showered and crawled into bed, still trying to imagine what she could do for fun. Where could she get an adrenaline rush?

Karen used to feel an adrenaline rush. She remembered the first time she did something related to wetting. Shortly after the incident with Summer, Karen had been fantasizing about wetting her pants in public. Finally she worked up a scheme where she would go into the mall bathroom and pretend her zipper was stuck. Then she would pee her pants in front of someone. It was bold, it was exciting, and it didn’t happen. She stood in the bathroom for 20 minutes and no one came in. Finally, she decided to pee her pants anyway. After she peed, she went into a stall and started changing into dry jeans and panties that she had brought in her school backpack.

Just then a mom came in with a little girl and they noticed the pee on the floor.

Girl, “What’s that?”

Mom, “Somebody peed on the floor honey. It’s icky. Let’s walk around it.”

A few years later Karen tried a wetting incident again and got yelled at by a security guard.

Both incidents certainly got Karen’s adrenaline rushing, but when she moved to college, the idea of wearing a diaper was more exciting than the idea of wetting herself. Karen experimented with everything from Poise Pads to Depends to Poise Underwear to Super Maxis to Girl’s Pullups to Girl’s Goodnites.

Each was its own thrill. For awhile she particularly enjoyed the thrill of Poise Pads because she could often pee more than they would hold. She enjoyed wearing a skirt or dress in public and wondering whether she would get a leak down her leg or whether the Pad would be able to keep up with her wetting. Would she get caught? Would anyone notice? That was an adrenaline rush.

Karen even began writing stories on the ABDL story board that included many of her biggest wetting fantasies. Her stories mostly involved elaborate wettings, and just writing these events turned her on. (This was around the time that Flashbacks was written, ect. But this is totally coincidental.)

Eventually, Karen tried pooping in a diaper in public. She tried to work up the courage to do it in front of people but she couldn’t. She could only do it while standing about 100 yards away from anyone. It was a thrill, but far too messy, and not even remotely erotic.

But then Karen graduated from college, got a job, started visiting her sister’s kids, and basically tried to drop the habit of thinking about wetting or wearing diapers. The truth was, she had gotten bored with wetting and she couldn’t quite get the same adrenaline rush she once had.

Karen lay in bed trying to envision a new diapered adventure. It seemed so difficult now. How easy the fantasies flew off the page when she had written stories a few short years ago. Where had the ideas gone? Where was the thrill? Where was the adventure?

As Karen lay there under the covers, she felt the need to pee again. Even though she had thrice wet a pair of underjams and taken a shower, the liter of Diet Pepsi was still working its way through her system. She went in the bathroom and pulled out a new underjam from the package. This one was completely purple, the alternate design. She put it on and contemplated trying to wet the bed that night. After all, she still had to pee. If she could just fall asleep, then maybe she could have some fun. But Karen knew she could not fall asleep when she had to pee this badly. She could not have a “real accident” but she could have a pretend one. Karen laid down on her mattress and slowly attempted to relax her bladder.

Um, hello. Karen thought to herself. This was weird, she really had to pee but she couldn’t seem to go. Karen tried to push some more. Still nothing. Hmm, it seemed like her body did not want to release when she was laying in her nice bed with her high thread-count sheets. Finally, Karen leaned slightly upright. The slightly more seated position allowed her bladder to release and she quickly felt herself peeing into the Underjam. And what’s this? Karen felt something wet on her leg as well. The Underjam wasn’t keeping up with the speed of her urine. Karen stood up and noticed a three inch wet spot where she was once sitting. Rats, Karen thought to herself. Well, as long as her sheets were wet, she might as well lay back down anyhow. Karen left her diaper on and tried to fall asleep. Tommorrow, an adrenaline rush, she decided!

Ch 5 and 6

Ch. 5

The phone rang and it was Karen’s sister Kathy calling again. Kathy was taking her kids to the mall and wanted to know if Karen wanted to join her. Karen quickly agreed and then hung up and realized she was still wearing the wet Underjam from the previous night. The wet spot on her sheets had actually dried overnight but the Underjam was damp and sagging lower on her hips. Karen still needed to pee but she decided to wait a few minutes and come up with a plan.

OK, so what should my adventure be, Karen asked herself. She decided to pull on some black shorts and take her garbage out to the dumpster. Her apartment was a two story flat and she had to carry her garbage across the parking lot to throw it out. Karen quickly hurried across the parking lot and stood next to the dumpster. She decided to release her bladder again.

Karen immediately felt pee trickling down her leg. This was a bit of a surprise. Her diaper didn’t seem that wet last night, but something about laying on it had changed the absorbency. The diaper didn’t seem to hold any of her pee and Karen found herself making a huge puddle on the ground. The wetness was barely visible on her black shorts, but she felt the wetness and cautiously snuck back across her parking lot. As she stepped onto the cement sidewalk, she quickly noticed a danger in her plan. Her flip-flops left small wet prints on the sidewalk as she walked. What if someone came out of one of the neighboring apartments? Would they see the wet footprints? Would they see the sagging diaper bulging under her black shorts?

To her relief, no one noticed as Karen slipped back into her apartment. Karen felt somewhat naughty as she went back inside and once again looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She pretended to make excuses. “I’m sorry mommy, I couldn’t hold it.”

That was fun, Karen thought to herself. She liked the risk of getting caught, but it was only a minor thrill. She really wanted someone to catch her. She wanted to see their reaction. But she didn’t want the consequences.

Karen thought about wearing a diaper to the mall around her sister and her sister’s kids, but she wasn’t comfortable with that idea. Karen refused to risk getting caught by anyone in her personal life and she definitely didn’t want to engage in weird behavior around the kids.

Karen also felt that some of the things she had done in the past were neither appropriate nor nice. Peeing on the floor at the mall made a mess for someone else to clean up and it was like committing grafitti. It was one thing to do it when she was in high school, but Karen wasn’t about to do that type of thing at the mall anymore.

Basically, Karen wanted to do something in diapers that risked getting caught, gave her an adrenaline rush, caused no harm to anyone’s property, didn’t involve anyone she knew, and also got someone’s reaction. Karen didn’t quite know what that adventure was, but it wasn’t going to involve her family at the mall.

Karen washed herself off with a wash cloth, reluctantly put on a pair of clean panties and a summer dress and then waited for her sister to arrive with the kids.

Even though Karen didn’t want to wet herself in front of the kids or wear a diaper, Karen did feel a strange desire to do something naughty in front of her sister Kathy. Ever since their mom had died and Kathy had kids, Kathy had just been so orderly and organized. Karen pictured herself wetting her pants in front of Kathy. Maybe, she thought. I’d just love to see her reaction.

Ch. 6

Three years ago on a trip to San Francisco with her sister, Karen and Kathy had lunch, took the boat out to explore Alcatraz, explored Alcatraz, and were headed back to the Pier. There was a bathroom on the boat, but Karen and Kathy knew they were going back to the hotel so they weren’t planning to use it. But when the docking took much longer than expected, Karen felt the pressure of the Diet Pepsi from lunch pushing on her bladder. As the boat crashed against the dock, Karen felt a strong urge to pee. Karen shot a glance at the bathrooms on the ship, but her sister was already in line to get off the boat. Karen reluctantly joined her.

After the line finally moved and they stepped off the ship it was her sister Kathy who spoke up. “Karen, I was going to wait until we got back to the hotel, but I think I should use the restroom on the Pier.”

Karen agreed and the two made their way past the noisy Sea Lions and towards the Pier restrooms. To Kathy and Karen’s horror, the doors were locked.

Karen had been wetting herself for fun back at college, and suddenly had a devious thought cross her mind. What if I just wet my pants right now in front of my sister? Karen grinned, but before she could think about putting her plan into action, her sister Kathy was scurrying back across the food court towards the road.

“Karen, let’s just get a taxi and head back.”

As they sat in the taxi, Karen felt another spasm. It would be so easy to pee herself. She would have plenty of excuses. But Karen couldn’t do it.

Karen now found herself sitting on a bench at the mall watching Kathy’s kids play on the mini-playground. Off in the corner, a little boy was having his diaper changed while standing up.

“Ughh, look at that,” Kathy said with disgust. “If a boy can stand there and help get his own diaper changed, I’d think she could be toilet training him.”

Karen didn’t know how to respond.

Kathy continued. “Actually, I’m pretty impressed she can do that standing up. It seems like it would be pretty hard to put a diaper on someone while they are standing up.”

Karen just grinned. She was well prepared to put on a diaper whether sitting down or standing up. But not today. Karen’s mind continued to wander. Could she wet her pants? No, it would have to be something close to a real accident, and that just wasn’t going to happen. But what else could she do to have fun with her sister?

Kathy spoke again. “I’ve been thinking of joining a gym. I just can’t seem to lose any weight from these darn kids. Do you want to join me and maybe we could be exercise buddies?”

Karen started contemplating what sorts of fun she could have at the gym. Maybe this was just the place to get a reaction out of her sister. But how?

Ch 7 and 8

Ch. 7

Two weeks into her gym membership, Karen began her plot. Karen knew Kathy would arrive at 4:30 so she snuck into the locker-room at 4:00 pm with a special bag full of items.

First, Karen snuck down to the locker that Kathy normally used for her clothes and started unloading the contents of her bag. In the locker, she put a stack of three underjams diapers, a bra, and a dress that was obviously big enough for an adult woman. Then Karen put the packaging from the Underjams in a neighboring wastebasket.

Karen then returned to the parking lot and waited.

When Kathy arrived, Karen followed her into the locker-room.

“Hey Kathy, oh it looks like someone is using your locker.”

Kathy, “Do you think they’ll mind if I move their stuff, I always use this. Hey, what are these. Are these diapers?”

Karen then casually noticed the underjam packaging in the wastebasket. “Hey, what’s this? Are those diapers for a teenager? Look at this packaging.”

Kathy examined the underjams packaging and looked at the pictures of the adolescent girls. “What. Oh that’s ridiculous. Well I never.”

Karen waited a few days and then had some more fun with her sister. She took a wet underjam and left it in the bottom of a locker. “Hey what’s this. Oh, it looks like someone had an accident.”

Kathy, “What kind of grown women is peeing in a diaper like this?”

Karen now had Kathy spending most of the time in the gym staring at other women’s butts to look for signs of diapers. It was highly amusing to manipulate her sister like this.

A few nights later, Karen put on a diaper and then put on a pair of tan slacks. Next, Karen peed in the diaper until it leaked and made a wet stain in the back of the slacks. The next day, Karen waited for Kathy to enter the gym and then snuck back by Kathy’s car. Karen then took the slacks and the wet diaper and threw them casually on the ground. For fun, Karen also decided to start peeing her panties to leave a little trickle of urine on the sidewalk leading back to the car. She was wearing a skirt so no one could tell she was wet, except for the trail on the ground.

Unfortunately, this plan did not work so well. Kathy was utterly oblivious, and Karen felt a little silly as she tried to set her up after their workout. “Hey, it looks like there’s a wet pair of pants here. Did someone wet the diaper enough to wet the pants?”

Kathy, “That’s gross. Don’t touch that. Let’s go home.”

As fun as it had been placing items, it still wasn’t Karen’s dream adventure. To live her real fantasy, Karen felt like she’d have to pee her pants in front of her sister and get her sister’s reaction.

She tried experimenting in the gym. Karen spent lots of time drinking lots of liquid and tried to set up a situation where she could have an accident. But it wasn’t possible. There was always a bathroom somewhere nearby. If only she could stage an accident Karen thought to herself. But she couldn’t figure out how.

If only she could go back to the Pier in San Francisco. She’d pretend she couldn’t hold it. She’d pretend she wet her pants. She’d stage the ultimate accident and get her sister’s surprised reaction. But San Francisco was years ago and miles away.

Try as she might, Karen couldn’t stage the big disaster she wanted. She couldn’t even picture it. How could she get the adrenaline rush of doing something completely naughty? How could she get the reaction she desired?

Ch. 8

Months later Karen went to an outdoor concert festival with a friend named Rebecca. After one of the main acts, they went to use the restrooms, but there was a huge line. In fact, Karen had yet to reach the facility when she heard the next band start playing.

While standing in line, Karen saw something amazing. One college age girl stepped to the side from her friends and said. “Screw it. It’s hot. I’m just going to pee.”

Karen then looked and watched as wetness spread down the inside of the girl’s pants.

“Oh my god, you totally pissed yourself.”

“Who cares? It was fun. I’m going back.”

Karen couldn’t take her eyes of the girl as she walked away in wet blue jeans, with utterly no care about what anyone thought.

After the concert, Karen told Rebecca she had to head home, and instead Karen followed after the girl with the wet pants. Towards the entrance, the girl stopped to light a cigarette.

Karen, “Hi, I couldn’t help but notice what happened.”

“Hey old lady, who cares?”

Karen, “I’m 26!”

“Oh whatever, you are probably afraid to color outside the lines. You’d never feel the freedom to pee or have a joint or…”

“Look, look, I will.” Karen looked around at the crowd of people exiting the concert. This was it. This was her risky moment. Karen’s heart started beating faster. She spread her legs slightly and braced herself. She was ready to start peeing. She was going to show this girl she could be outrageous. She was going to risk getting caught by someone at the concert. She was going to get a big reaction. Here she goes. Yep, Karen was going to start peeing any second now. Any second now.

“OK, fine” Karen spoke again. “I can’t get myself to pee in front of all these people like this, but I thought it was cool. I’m kind of into exhibitionist type stuff. You want to talk some time?”

“Well, you want to buy some coffee for me and my friends?”

“Uh sure.” Karen looked and saw 2 other twenty-year-old girls staring at her with equal disgust. In a way it was similar to the look of disgust her sister gave the diapers. Everyone must conform. She had to conform to be like the non-conformists. Her niece had to conform to society’s rules about using the potty. Nonconformity was met with disgust.

But why did they look at her with such venom? Why wasn’t she cool enough? Because she had showered that day? Because her hair didn’t have all split ends? Karen was wearing an old Bon Jovi concert t-shirt and tan poodle skirt. It was great concert apparel.

Karen proceeded to the coffee house with the three girls. Karen ended up sitting next to the girl with the wet pants in a booth by the window. Her name was Brayden. The other two girls were Sarah and Samantha. After sitting there for a few minutes, Karen suddenly jumped as she felt something wet on the right part of her leg.

Brayden laughed. “I figured you like the peeing so much, I’d do it again. Sorry, with the booth and all, I didn’t realize it would get on you.”

Karen disdained peeing in buildings, but since the booth was already wet, she decided to give Brayden a surprise. Karen sat up slightly and tried to pee. But to her surprise, when she started peeing, she also pushed out a small wad of poo into her panties. “Oh my goodness.”

“Hey you did it!” Brayden smiled as she looked at the additional liquid now pooling under Karen.

Karen, “Uh, yeah, but that’s not all. I also did more than I.”

Brayden, “You’re kidding. Wow. People are so weird. I love this country.”

Samantha noticed Karen’s discomfort and offered to follow her to the bathroom. Karen entered only to see a 5 year old girl washing her hands with her mom.

“Mommy, that girl wet her pants.”

Karen went in the stall and dropped her panties on the floor. They were completely disgusting with the poop smeared across them. Karen tried to wipe herself, and when she was finally clean, she looked at the panties in disgust. She wasn’t going to wear them again. Then Karen remembered she had been keeping a pair of the underjams in her purse just for fun. She reached in her purse and pulled them on.

Samantha saw Karen come out of the stall and throw the panties away. Samantha looked surprised, “Oh you aren’t wearing panties now. Maybe we should walk you home. That seems kind of dangerous in that skirt. I wouldn’t want anyone to assault you.”

Karen smiled. “Thanks, but I’m wearing this.” Karen flashed her diaper.

Back at the table, Karen nervously gave Brayden her phone number and then said goodbye. Karen hoped Brayden would call, and yet at the same time, she hoped she wouldn’t.

Ch 9 and 10 and Closing Thoughts

Ch. 9

One day after work the phone rang, and Karen heard an unknown voice on the other end.

“Hey, is uh Karen there?”

“This is Karen speaking.”

“Um, hi this is Samantha, Brayden’s friend.”

“Oh” Karen was panged with nervousness. She was sort of happy to forget about the whole incident from the restaurant.

“Look, I know this might sound weird and all, but I sometimes. I mean. I saw you were wearing a diaper.”

“Uh, yeah, about that.”

“I mean I know you said you were into exhibitionist stuff. I just. Could I try one?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t have the courage to buy any of those, but I just thought maybe.”

Karen invited Samantha over to her apartment. She was terrified but overjoyed at the same time. Was this girl really into diapers? Or was this some trick to make fun of her?

The next day, Samantha knocked on the door.

“Hey, cute purse.” Karen said as Samantha entered.

“Thanks,” Samantha replied.

Karen, “So I sometimes wear different kinds of diapers for fun. I haven’t done anything lately, but we could get some if you like.”

Samantha, “Oh, I thought you might have one I could take home. My youngest brother wears pullups, but I’m much too big for them. I mean, I sometimes rip the sides and try them in my panties, but it looked like you were wearing something that actually fit.”

Karen, “You thought those underjams fit?”

Samantha, “Well, my brother’s pull-ups are much too small for me. I was just hoping you might have something I could wear, but its ok. Maybe another time.”

Karen, “But we can buy whatever you want at the store. What would you like to try?”

Samantha, “Oh, I don’t think I could buy it at the store.”

Karen smiled. Samantha seemed kind of counter-culture and hip when they had first met, but here she was utterly embarrassed to do something very simple. Karen smiled to herself and remembered her feelings about trying diapers. Karen used to get nervous just buying a package. “Why don’t I buy some Large Girl’s Goodnites. Then we can wear them tonight.”

Samantha, “Oh, wear them together. I just thought I’d take it home.” Karen looked crushed and Samantha immediately picked up on it. Samantha quickly responded, “No, it’s just. You want to wear a diaper around someone else? I’ve done it by myself in my parent’s bathroom with my brother’s pullup, but I just can’t imagine wearing one around anyone else. But I could try.”

Karen smiled.

Ch. 10

Jumping forward in the story is a bit cruel, but for the sake of time, I must leave those first nights with Samantha and Karen to your imagination. Ultimately, Karen and Samantha became friends and Karen shared her desire to act out a fantasy with Samantha. With some help from Samantha, Karen invented a dream adventure. She wanted to get caught wearing and wetting diapers in the most elaborate way possible. But to make it work, she had to go back in time. Karen had to go back to when she was a young college student living in the dorms. And that was right up Samantha’s alley.

Samantha told her roommate Jessica that her cousin Karen would be staying with her for a week at the dorm. Karen showed up, made over to look like an 18 year old and not a 26 year old. (The differences are huge people!) But what Samantha didn’t tell Jessica was that Karen was wearing a diaper.

Karen discreetly spent the first two days wearing diapers 24-7. She would wet them and then change them in the dorm restroom. Karen tried her best to wet her diaper around Jessica, but Jessica never seemed to notice. On the second night, Karen stepped up her plan.

Jessica, Karen, and Samantha were all sitting watching a movie when Karen suddenly sat up slightly and filled her diaper with poop. Karen looked slightly embarrassed and once she was sure the smell was strong in the air, Karen ran out of the room and down to the restroom.

Jessica turned to Samantha. “Did you see that?”

Samantha played dumb, “What?”

Jessica, “I think your cousin just pooped her pants.”

Samantha, “No. Don’t be silly. She just farted or something.”

The next morning, when Karen was in the shower, Jessica pulled Samantha into the dorm room. “Samantha, look in her bag. She’s got diapers in here. And I was looking at the trash in the ladies room, and I found a wet diaper in there too!”

Samantha spoke up, “Well maybe she wets the bed or something.”

Jessica, “I don’t think so. I think she wears them all the time. I think she pooped in her pants during the movie last night.”

Samantha smiled. Jessica had fallen for the first part of the trap. Now the second part. Samantha spoke up, “This is just too weird. Let’s hide them and see what she does.” Samantha then hid the diapers with her stuff.

When Karen came back from the shower, Samantha quickly whispered, “Part 1 of the plan is good. Move to part 2.”

Karen winked at Samantha and then started flipping through her bag. “Oh, where is. Did you guys look through my stuff?”

Samantha, “No, we haven’t touched it, right Jessica?”

Jessica, “Uh, yeah, right.”

Karen then mumbled quietly, “Oh, I must have miscounted, oh nothing.”

The three girls then went down to breakfast.

After breakfast, Karen ran to the bathroom. Then Karen told the other girls that she had an errand to run.

Samantha smiled and ran down to the restroom. Jessica followed, not sure what they were doing.

Samantha spoke up, “There’s another wet diaper in the trash. But she must not have had a new one to put on since we hid them all this morning. She’s probably going to buy more. Let’s follow her.” Jessica was mildly intrigued and agreed. They followed Karen to the pharmacy and sure enough they saw Karen start looking at the goodnites in the diaper aisle.

Samantha and Jessica waited at the front of the store. Karen grabbed a package of goodnites and started to walk towards the front, but quickly dropped it when she saw the other two girls. Karen pretended like she thought the other girls didn’t see the diapers. “Hey what are you two doing here?”

Samantha, “I needed some chapstick. What are you doing?”

Karen, “Uh, they didn’t have what I wanted.”

Samantha then bought her chapstick and the three girls stood outside the store. Karen said she wanted to go for a bit more of a walk. To Karen’s apparent dismay, Jessica and Samantha decided to join her.

After walking over towards a nearby grocery store, Karen took a subtle first step. She peed just a little in her pants, making a small wet stain in the crotch of her blue jeans.

Jessica subtly pointed it out to Samantha. “You’re right, she must not be wearing a diaper,” Jessica whispered.

Karen acted like she didn’t notice. Karen was pretending that she had a real incontinence problem where she might have more small accidents that she wouldn’t always notice.

Karen tried to ditch the other two when she went in the store, but she had no luck. Eventually the three girls started walking back to the dorms. When they were just outside the dorms, Karen started peeing again. (She had purposely drank a lot at breakfast.) Jessica and Samantha could see the large wet spot growing on Karen’s jeans, but Karen ran ahead and hid in the bathroom. Samantha and Jessica then followed her in.

Samantha, “Is everything OK in there?”

Karen spoke up softly, “Um, do you have any pads I could borrow. I guess my period kind of snuck up on me. And maybe my skirt?”

Samantha looked at Jessica and shrugged. Samantha obliged and brought Karen a skirt and a supermaxi. She slid them under the door to the stall. Karen said thank you and emerged a few minutes later with her jeans wadded in a ball.

Karen then went back to the dorm room with the other girls. Jessica had to go to class, and Samantha and Karen used the time to plot what they would do next.

When Jessica came back from her classes, Samantha made sure Jessica knew that they had hung out all day and Karen still wasn’t wearing a diaper. “I wonder if she’ll have another accident?” Samantha whispered to Jessica.

The three girls then went and sat on the quad and watched people throw Frisbees around. Karen then proceeded to wet herself again. Normally, Karen would have made sure her skirt was out of the way when she peed, but this time she made sure as much of the fabric was under her butt as possible. At first the maxi pad absorbed a little of the pee, but it wasn’t designed for an adult women’s full wetting and before long, there was a huge damp patch on the back of Karen’s skirt.

When Karen got up she acknowledged the wet spot. “Oh, I must have sat on a wet spot in the grass.”

Back at the dorm, Jessica had to use the restroom herself. Karen walked in a few minutes later and pretended to talk to herself. “These maxi pads are useless, they don’t hold any pee. And what if I wet the bed again tonight? Maybe I can just stay awake.”

That night Karen acted like she was trying to stay away, but Samantha stayed up too. Finally, Karen fell asleep in her sleeping bag. Karen wet the bed on purpose and in the morning Samantha pointed this out to Jessica.

Jessica was shocked and was starting to feel sorry for Karen. “Samantha, I’m feeling sorry for your cousin. She obviously has some kind of medical issue. We should give her diapers back.”

Samantha agreed and then Karen pretended to wake up. “Oh no. I can’t believe I wet the bed again.” Karen started crying.

Jessica spoke up, “Its OK Karen. We’re sorry. We took your diapers yesterday, but we didn’t realize how serious a problem you have.” Samantha also apologized and returned the diapers to Karen.

Karen tried to claim that she only wet the bed at night, but Jessica wouldn’t hear it. “Its OK, I know you had a pooping accident the other day.”

Karen started to cry again. “You noticed that?”

Jessica remained sympathetic but wanted to understand why Karen was having these accidents. Karen explained that it was her own fault. Her mom died a few years ago and she started having accidents as a stress reaction. Her aunt let her wear diapers all the time and now she just didn’t have control anymore.

Jessica was a little shocked at this explanation. She had expected to hear about a medical condition or something similar. But she was learning about stress in her psychology class and she tried to remain sympathetic. Jessica imagined how she’d feel if her mom died. She might want to wear diapers too. But it still seemed puzzling.

Karen spent the next day wearing her diapers around Jessica, but she still tried to keep it discreet. Karen was ready to stage one more wetting, but she wanted it to be dramatic.

The next night, the three girls went to a movie. On the way to the theater, Karen peed in her diaper for the first time. Once the movie started, Karen decided she had better hold her bladder. She didn’t want to leak and pee on the seat and she wasn’t sure how much more the diaper would hold. That seemed easy in principle, but Karen was guzzling a large soda, and 2/3rds of the way through the film, she felt her bladder let go. What? Karen was shocked. Was she really losing control? Quickly she managed to cut off the stream of pee. Her diaper was now very soaked, but luckily it had yet to leak.

After the movie there was a long line for the ladies room. Jessica had to go but Karen said she could wait.

“Oh, it looks like you already went some huh?” Samantha joked.

Karen blushed.

Jessica spoke up next “Well, I guess there are some advantages to wearing those things. I tell you what. I don’t want to wait in this line. Let’s go to the ice cream place across the street. I think they have a restroom.”

The girls crossed the street to the ice cream parlor. The place had a single toilet restroom in the back so Jessica used it first. Samantha and Karen got some ice cream and went and stood outside the store to eat it. Karen now felt safe to pee in her diaper again and her bladder was definitely aching. Still she wanted to be careful. She wanted to pee enough that her diaper would leak, but not enough that it looked like she had fully wet her pants. Karen relaxed her bladder slightly. Soon she felt a warm wetness on the back of her jeans. She quickly stopped and stared at her reflection in the window. It was perfect. Karen’s jeans showed two wet circles under her butt, without any dampness in the main crotch area. Only a kid with a leaking diaper could get that wet pattern.

Jessica came out of the bathroom and Samantha went in next. Jessica got some ice cream and joined Karen outside. “Um Karen, I don’t know how to say this, but it looks like your diaper is leaking.”

“Oh no!” Karen feigned disgust. Well, I don’t have another pair of jeans with me. Can we just walk back to the dorm?

Jessica and Samantha agreed to head back. About a block from the dorms Karen suddenly stopped and pretended to grab her stomach. She still had to pee quite a bit, and had only cut herself off at the ice cream parlor. Slowly the entire inside pant leg of her jeans became damp. She pretended to cry. Karen was amazed at how much she could pee. Her jeans were completely flooded and there was a large puddle on the sidewalk. Worse yet, as she tried to step forward, she could feel the damp diaper straffing on her inner thigh. Karen started to cry. “I’m sorry, I’m such a big baby. I’m such a disappointment.”

Jessica and Samantha put their arms around Karen. “Its OK, let’s take you back and get you changed OK. We’ll make sure nobody sees what happened.”

Karen hid a smile. She had done it. It wasn’t love, it wasn’t happiness, but if only for one day, she had staged her ultimate wetting.

Concluding Thoughts

One thing I don’t like about this story is that the protagonist ultimately achieves her goal through luck. She gets a call from Samantha and that allows her to live out her fantasy. Yes, if she doesn’t speak to Brayden and take a risk and put herself out there, nothing happens. So that’s good. But I just felt it was more honest for something unexpected to lead to her goal. I felt like if Brayden was the answer to her problems the story would be too direct.

I guess what I’m saying is, if I have a moral here, Samantha has to put herself at risk to achieve happiness. She doesn’t have to disrupt all of her life, but she can’t just stay in her safe zone. She has to talk to the girl who wets herself.

Moreover, earlier in the story she acknowledges that by chasing the adrenaline rush of one event, she can’t achieve real happiness. She knows that comes from other things. But, sometimes it is still fun to dream about going back and doing one adventurous thing, and for her that thing is Chapter 10. Everyone dreams of going back in time sometimes. Would you have asked that guy / girl out in high school? Remember when I didn’t have these thighs / this gut? And of course the analogy of going back in time is obvious on this message board.

You can always go back, but you can’t go back all the way.

You Can Always Go Back

I’m not sure that I really like the way the story is written. I think the merge between the telling of a true story and the creation of a piece of fiction is pretty uncomfortable. Still, it was a refreshing change from the norm.

You Can Always Go Back

Interesting story, However it seemed a little rushed. I suggest you take your time with the next ending. Let it flow and have fun with it.

Jayme Ann

You Can Always Go Back

It was a very interesting story line but I must say, the story does seem rushed and I also wanted to comment on that the way the story ultimately jumps around makes it very confusing. Try to not switch places in the story so often. It’s okay for flash backs and stuff like that but for other things it’s just much too out of control.

You Can Always Go Back

If this was a first effort, it was quite well done. I agree with your self comments, but nevertheless, this is a good piece as a stepping stone to developing your style.

Keep writing, and hopefully we can see some examples of your ‘new’ style soon!