Why me? - Chapter 1

Ok so this is my first real attempt at story writing like this. I do the little 3 page things in English class sometimes but I’m going to give this a shot. I do a lot of “txt tlk” on my game and cell so I am going to try to do the best I can. I really can’t grantee its going to be very good at all. So here we go!

Finally, I am 16 years old and licensed to drive! My dad let me drive on the way to the restaurant we were going to eat dinner at. He had been so busy while I was getting my permit I barely got to drive enough to get past the Driver’s Ed. I was so happy, but I just wish my mom could have been here to see this. She had died 2 years ago from breast cancer. She had put up a 4 1/2 year fight, and we thought she was winning. Then things took a turn for the worst, and she passed away one night in here sleep. I guess god didn’t want here to have to suffer anymore, and I understand she is in a better place.

“Hey jimbo you should probably go ahead and turn on the lights, its starting to get a little dark out” said my dad, Berry.

“Yeah, I was just about to ask when i needed to” I replied.

That was the only thing he had to say to me on the way. I was so proud that I was doing so well at driving, especially the lack of practice i had gotten. We got to the restaurant and we went in to find it less crowded than usually, which didn’t bother us, me and my sister sally, at all because we got to sit in our favorite area. We loved sitting on the deck because there was usually live entertainment.

We sat and talked about our day while our drinks were coming out after we had placed our order and had a good time. When our food came out I was glad because this place had the best snow crab I had ever eaten. It was delicious! After we left dad, a little weary, finally decided to let me drive on the way home. It wasn’t extremely late, but I was extra careful and right after I had gotten onto the interstate a truck slammed into us spinning my little car around and the passenger side into the wall…

I am in an unfamiliar room, in unfamiliar clothes, and I can’t really remember how I got here. Ouch, something is wrong with my left arm and my right leg. I finally come to enough to realize that I’m in a hospital. There is a tube in my throat, an IV in my arm, and something weird down below, and it isn’t just my leg. The door to my room opens and a doctor comes in followed buy a nurse. He did a few things and checked something.

“Hello Jim, my name is Dr. Acre. I’m going to take this tube out of your throat, and I’m not going to lie. Its not going to feel very good” said the Doctor.

I nodded my head in acknowledgement and it turned out that it wasn’t quite as painful as I thought it would be. After the nurse, whom was introduced to me as Ms. Gooden, gave me a glass of water I finally thought I could speak.
“What exactly happened? And were are my dad and sister?” I asked hoarsely.

“Well Jim, you were in a car accident. A drunk driver hit your back left side and spun you around a few times before you hit the concrete divider. I’m sorry to say that…” My eyes welled up with tears as I realized sometime during the second or third sentence what he was most likely going to say. “…your sister and father didn’t make it. Your father took the majority of the impact and for some reason the side airbag didn’t deploy so his body was crushed.”

I wanted to kill myself after he said that. We had gotten the car for a bargain and nothing in the passenger side door worked. That weekend we were going to replace it. I had known better than to nag my dad about taking my car. Another pang of guilt hit when I realized I had been the one driving. So many thoughts flooded my mind.

“And you sister apparently wasn’t seat belted in and she made it to the hospital, but a rib had punctured her lung, and her arm was totally crushed. It was bleeding in many places. Know about your injuries…”

Ok I understand this chapter is a little short…. Ok so it’s REALLY short but I wanted to see if I am even writing it well enough to continue. I promise if person, even if it is just 1 or 2 people, show interest in this I will continue. The only way I will get better is to know what to get better at sooooo suggestions !!!

Why me? - Chapter 1

the last part could be worded differntly. and what do you mean “know about your injuries” other than that good story line. And at 16 i think he should of drove enough. Heck i was driving at 13. lol living on a farm rock’s lol.

i would suggest that you keep writing it i’d like to see how it turn’s out.

Why me? - Chapter 1

Ya forgot to mention the scrolling. even with my wide screen i still had to scroll some. first time i had to do it.

Why me? - Chapter 1

You start in the past tense, switch to present tense and then back to past tense. This is generally frowned upon. Choose one and be consistent.

So far the plot seems to be going in a cliched direction, although it is difficult to tell with such a short intro.

Also, I think that last sentence should read “Now about your injuries…” rather than “know”.

Why me? - Chapter 1

O sorry about the scrolling thing guys. Ya it was suppose to be Now instead of Know. I will continue writing and make the next chapter at least twice as long… I will shoot for 3 times as long.


Like I said I haven’t written very many stories and i will try to stick to one tense. I will re read this again and decide what to do and I’ll start working on it again.

Think about it, a busy dad that is trying to make a good life for his 2 kids (i know its not unusual for just the dad to work in many families) and heck if i hadn’t driven by myself so much and just faked the permit sheet i wouldn’t have goteen my license!

Why me? - Chapter 1

I saw some spelling and grammatical errors. But I know what happens, he is incontinent now.

Why me? - Chapter 1

so you think spokane girl read chapter 2

Why me? - Chapter 1

I already did and I still think he is. I could be wrong though. It’s fun to make guesses. I know the pattern in these stories. Someone gets in a car accident and they find themselves incontinent. One of the things over used in a diaper story. But you surprised me with a catheter. It’s been diapers in others.

Why me? - Chapter 1

Thats exactly what i’m doing, following the pattern of most stories and making them original.