Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

I’m back for a little bit you guys. I began writing a lot for Vaults of Siberia and have wrote enough to keep you guys updated for a few months. If you are new to the story, you may want to read Part I of Shattering Siberia before you get into Part II. Follow this link to read it now:,6057.0.html

I’m sorry I left you all with a cliff hanger on Shattering Siberia but what I will post today will hopefully make up for that. Here’s the long awaited first few chapter of the second part.

Vaults of Siberia


Water shatters through the glass of memories. The smell of cotton bursts through my mind as a collage of the past burns through my head. The memory of when I found my first teddy bear. The painful memory of the day I broke my first bone, which happened to be my pinky toe. The tearstained memory of the last day I saw my dad. The unforgettable memory of the day I went into a convenient store and met a boy.

The blurry remnants of the most crucial people in my life shift through my thoughts in my comatose state. I see the faces of my parents. My mother’s depression shadowing her every move. My father’s eyes that held the depth of the whole Pacific Ocean. The faces of the group of friends who I will always hold dear to my heart until my knuckles are white until the day I die. The feeling of people who were once strangers that I can now call my family when I had close to no one.

I see the face of the man who I fell in love with. His gentle hands caressing my back. The smell of evergreen that reminded me of home. The pieces of hair I always had the urge to push away from his eyes. The way his eyes danced playfully whenever I acted like a toddler. The crooked smile never to be forgotten.

A montage reels me through unconsciousness. The sharp pain. The soft love. The innocent grins. The akward tension. The rebellious adventures. The defiant tantrums. The unforgettable secret.

In one moment, everything seemed concrete, vivid.

In another, it was all forgotten.

Chapter One

I open my eyes and the bright view from the window makes me squint. I see a beautiful view of a courtyard with a pond lined with stones, stone benches, and a few rich maple trees. I sit up in the white bed and stretch with a yawn. I look around the room. The room has a vintage red on the wall with the huge window with warm grey on the other three walls. The messy bed I sit on has a maroon cover with three fluffy white pillows. I brush the back of my hand on the abnormally long one. My eyes drift over a light brown wooden dresser, desk and side table sitting near the bed. The light brown wood floor shines as if it were just polished.

The unfamiliar room staggers me as I sit in the bed. Is this my bed? I grip the blanket in my fists in confusion. The room is very calming but I can’t help but feel lost. I look around the room in a paranoid state. Should I leave the room? Or should I just act like I’m sleeping? Or maybe I should just wait?

All my questions are subsided as I hear a rustling of keys outside the door. I hear the knob turn. I look at the door with a horrified expression painted across my face. The first peak in between the crack of the door is a set of dark mahogany eyes. Then as the man enters the room, I realize how tall he is. He must be 6 or 7 feet tall. He looks incredibly fit with toned arms. The black v-neck compliments his lightly tanned skin tone. His hair is medium length with dark brown locks framing his sculpted face. His dark stubble peaks from his chin all the way up to his cheeks as he smiles. His eyes hold a feeling of authority.

His face reveals an underlying friendly message, “How are you today, Dakota?” His eyes study me carefully in concern as his mouth continues to smile.

A strange feeling hit me as he said my name. I feel as my face falls into a puddle of confusion. I feel anger but then I feel okay. I feel confused because I don’t know where I am, nor anything else for that matter. Most of all, I feel enraged at myself for not knowing anything at all.

I unclamped my hand from the mattress and scratched behind my ear. I forgot that the out of the ordinary man was still in the room, watching me with unwavering eyes. I don’t know how many seconds I took out, confused, but I think it was beginning to concern this man.

He moves close to the bed I was laying on as his smile disappears, “How are you feeling?” His head cocks to the side as he looks down to me. My mouth opens and closes as a tear falls down my face. I feel sad and infuriated yet I couldn’t even understand why. I just want to curl up in a ball and figure out why but I can’t remember anything. What is there to remember anyways? I clamp my hands in the sheets and I hang my head. Warm tears fall down my face as small frustrated noises escape my lips.

I feel the man’s arms hug me and pat my back. I eventually stop crying after what feels like ten minutes.

“It’s okay, we’ll figure this out. Everything will be better, there, there.” His soft words calm me. I didn’t know who the man was but I feel secure in his arms. As he stood back up, I felt a ghost of his arms and wanted them around me once again.

I wipe my tear-stained cheeks and look up at the man. He smiles warmly down at me, “Not feeling so great this morning, huh? Maybe if we get some food in you, you’ll feel better?” My mouth betrays me as a small grin creeps up to my face. He takes my grin as a yes and holds out his hand. I hesitate for a moment, looking at his hand. I silently take it and he leads me out of the room.

As we walk I feel suddenly awkward with his hand in mine. I slip my hand out of his quietly as we walk. It’s such an innocent moment, but I feel self-conscious all of a sudden. It’s as if something feels severely misplaced. We pass a few people in the hallway. I can’t help but watch them as we pass them. My eyes meet a girl who has deep chestnut hair and light blue eyes with a ghost of a laugh placed on her expression. I see a glint of contempt in the depths of her eyes as if she has some type of vendetta against me. I look away after I see the guy she’s walking with nudge her and say something quietly in her ear. I can’t help but feel that they are secretly talking about me. But what would they be even talking about? I can’t recall meeting anyone.

A panic rises in my chest. I feel my palms of my hands begin to sweat. My breath becomes short as I realize that I’m surrounded by unfamiliar faces. I don’t know where I am nor who these people are but I feel that I’m unwelcome in this place.

We walk into an open hall with the morning natural lighting casting though the windows. Through my panicked state, I can almost feel the unknown people casting gazes in my direction, as if I wouldn’t notice. My breathing staggers. I feel nauseous. My forehead is sweating and I look around in confusion.

“Dakota, what’s wrong? Need some water?” The man’s eyebrows knit together in concern.

I can’t find words to say. I haven’t spoken since I woke up from my comatose state. I kneel down and touch the cool mahogany floor with my hand. I cling one hand on the grey sweat pants that I am wearing. I feel dizzy and too nauseous. The first heave begins and I hear the man ask for water and help. Tears blur my vision as I dry heave whatever was left in my stomach. Acid chunks of an orangey brown empty onto the floor as hot tears drop onto the cool mahogany.

“I need some help. Can someone get Dr. Vallen?” I feel the unknown man lightly pat my back in reassurance as he calmly coos me.

I wipe the warm tears from my face and say in a croaky voice, “What’s your name?” My eyes meet his as his composure falls into a look of confusion and then into a smile.

“Finally someone decides to say something.” A small chuckle follows his words, “My name’s Steven.” He positions himself as if he were to pick me up and then he pauses, “Do you think you’ll be able to walk?”

I nod and Steven helps me to stand up. I feel woozy as I stand up, as if I were on drugs. That’s a silly thought. I’ve never been on drugs so how do I know what that feels like? My mind races and panic rises through me again. I stand still and feel myself lose balance. Just as I begin to fall, Steven’s arms catch me and my feet are picked off the ground. I realize that Steven is cradling me in his arms as he carries me. I feel patches of red warm my cheeks in embarrassment from the situation.

It feels as if five minutes passes in a blur of a full blown panic attack. My mind racing as I cling onto Steven’s shirt. The realization of not remembering anything racks through my brain which cripples me repeatedly on the way to wherever Steven was taking me. My legs begin twitching and I can’t make them stop. Muscle spasms shake them as I try to lock them in place. My jaw clicks as I attempt to calm down and keep myself together.

We go through a few long hallways and down an elevator. Steven pushes through a few doors and it begins to remind me of a doctor’s office with calming colors of coffee browns and sea greens warming the room. I begin whimpering softly in confusion. I hear Steven’s attempts to calm me as I whimper in his arms.

Steven asks the nurse sitting at the desk, “Is Dr. Vallen in at all? She’s having a terrific panic attack.” I couldn’t help but stare at her peach colored clothing as my legs fidgeted uncontrollably.

The nurse replies, “Bring her into Room 2 and I’ll have to phone Dr. Vallen.” She hurriedly went the opposite direction of Room 2 into a hallway. Steven strolls into Room 2 and sets me down on the reclining foam bed. I feel a slight stinging pain on my bottom as it hits the soft bed. I wonder where the pain came from. I cringe as my head is gently placed on the pillow. He pulls a chair up to the bed and strokes my hair behind my ear, trying to calm me still.

I gawk at him as he brushes my hair. His face is calming. It reminds me of someone who I once knew, yet I couldn’t place a finger on it. My breathing hitches and a sharp breath of air continues to send me into another panic attack. I whimper in pain from my jaw locking. I stare up at the florescent lights glaring down at me.

After five minutes the nurse walks in, “Hi, Dakota, my name in Nurse Theresa. Now tell me, how are you feeling right now?” Her melting brown eyes look concerned as she looked over me. Her short copper hair framed her face with light freckles complimenting her smile. I can tell she was well over the age of forty but her smile made her look much younger. There was some nurturing tenderness that illuminated from her.

My fingernails scratch my arms as I reply meekly as I look at my hands, “I’m scared.” I can tell that she already knew how I felt by my restless legs and my stiff posture.

Nurse Theresa spoke softly, “Well, I spoke to Dr. Vallen on the phone and he said that he’s on his way. It’s going to be about twenty minutes. He said that if the panic attacks persist for the next ten minutes then we will have to administer some medication in you so you can calm down. Okay, hun, it’s all going to be better.” Her hand pats my shoulder in reassurance.

The longest ten minutes pass as I tried to keep myself from vomiting. Steven kept a small trash can near him just in case I would vomit once again. My legs stopped having muscle spasms for a few minutes and then they began tremoring again. Thoughts kept racing in my head of the unknown and I was too scared to ask any questions. Nurse Theresa left for a few minutes and came back with a syringe filled with a translucent liquid.

I stare at the needle as she sets it down by the bed. “Don’t get frightened, it’s going to calm you down and then you’ll feel better, okay?” Her head tilts so her eyes can meet mine. I nod timidly.

She ties rubber around the muscles of my upper arm. She takes a cold sterile wipe and dabs my arm. I whimper lightly as she takes the cap off the needle. The needle’s edge glistens as she brings in closer to my arm.

“How about we take a deep breath?” I take one breath in and watch as the needle pierces through my skin. I look away as the sharp pain leaves and is replaced with a Hello Kitty Band-Aid. My eyes trace the pretty Band-aid through my panicked state.

The nurse throws the needle in a bin with a red skull and X on it, “See, not so bad, is it?”

I shrugged still fidgeting. About eight minutes passed and the muscle spasms were gone and I was left sore from locking my jaws, arms, and legs. I was beginning to feel weary from lack of food.

The nurse left and said that she’d be back soon. I gaze at Steven, “I’m hungry.”

He smiles with tired eyes, “Well, we’ll get something to eat soon, okay?” I nod.

Nurse Theresa returned with a few items in her hands. I yawned and looked over the items as she set them on the bed. I feel calm and collected, as if I have no problems in the world. I stretch feeling a rush of delight.

“Here’s a granola bar for now and some water. Let’s get you changed before we have a talk with the doctor, okay hun?” I nod as I open my water bottle. I begin drinking it then I feel a tug on my sweat pants. Confusion spreads across my face and water spills onto my shirt as I begin coughing.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Venomous words spit out of my mouth. I fidget away from the nurse and she gives me a irritated look back and then to Steven. Steven stands up and moves towards me.

“We have to get your undergarments changed. Now come on.” She has a calm face as her hands move towards my sweats. I look down at the soft white peeking out from my grey sweats. Confusion spreads across my face. I was wearing a pull-up? How did I not realize that earlier? Weird.

I stumble over my words, “Wh-Why am I wearing that?”

Theresa replies, “You had an accident in your sleep last night and this is for just in case you fall asleep again. Considering the medication you’re on it’s more likely it’s going to happen.” I nod, accepting what she said as the truth. I didn’t want to wet the bed like a toddler after all.

Steven’s hand strokes my hair again. My cheeks feel hot as the sweat pants are rolled down to my pale ankles and pulled off. A package of wipes are laid next to my foot and the nurse grabs a few. She moves over to me and pulls down the soaked pull-up I had on. The pull-up is pulled off of me as a cool breeze falls over my private parts. She begins wiping my exposed area gently with a cool wipe. It tickles as I try to not fidget or make any noises.

She turns around to grab the white diaper sitting on the counter, “I know this is going to be a bit thicker than the GoodNite but we don’t want you leaking.” I wanted to curl up in a ball when she said that. Steven was just standing there as if this was nothing. It’s as if this was a common situation for the two of them. Maybe it was common for me and I just couldn’t remember it. Or maybe it wasn’t at all.

The soft white on the diaper is slid under me. The padding grazing my sore bottom. Powder tickles me and the diaper is snugly pulled over and taped on. The nurse opens my granola bar wrapper and hands it to me. I eat it shyly as she pulls my sweat pants back over the diaper. Steven helps her to raise my legs. I was frozen in embarrassment as this all happened through my drug induced state. I could have easily pulled my own pants up but the nurse and Steven seemed to be hovering over me as if I were a special case.

I hear a knock on the door and my eyes travel to an older man with a jacket on looking as if he ran through rain to get here. His skeptical eyes meet mine with an awaiting smile. Some uncomfortable feeling arises in me and I can’t point out why.

The man strides over to the side of his bed and he holds out his hand to shake, “Hello Dakota, I’m Dr. Vallen.” His face was weary with age but his grey eyes were searching for something in mine, “I assume that her panic attack has subsided?” He says to Nurse Theresa as if I’m not in the room with both of them. I chew on the last piece of the granola bar and take a huge gulp of my water.

I zone out as Dr. Vallen and Steven leave the room for a moment. I am a bit sleepy from the Valium the nurse injected into me. Did I just say Valium? Did the nurse tell me that it was Valium? How did I know what drug she injected? The thought catches me off guard as I stare as my grey sock of my foot. Surprisingly, no panic attack happens in result of my confusion. Thank god for the Valium.

I look up to the nurse, “Did you say that was Valium in the syringe?” The nurse cocks her head at me, attempting to remember.

She shakes her head, “No, I don’t think I did. But you’re a very observant girl. Good guess.” She nods at me with a smile as if it was somehow nothing special.

That wasn’t a guess though. I just knew it. It’s as if I could point out other drugs by their shape and color. It’s as if something from my lost memory was trying to resurface and tell me something important. Ever since I woke up it has frustrated me that something feels like it’s important, severely crucial to my situation, yet I can’t remember it. My brows furrow as I keep staring at my sock.

I hear footsteps come near the room after what seems like ten minutes. Dr. Vallen and Steven walk into the room. Dr. Vallen’s jacket is replaced with a white coat.

Dr. Vallen crosses his arms and smiles at me, “Okay, Dakota. We must have a discussion about your situation. If you could follow me to my office.” He waits for me to get up and I feel everyone’s eyes watching me as I follow him. I’m surprised when Steve lets me walk instead of carrying me again.

His office is to the left of the entrance down a narrow hallway. I follow him into a softly lit room with coffee colored walls and comfy leather chairs. I plop down on the chair in the corner. He sits down across from my chair with a notebook and a pen in hand. Steven closes the door behind him and sits in a chair adjacent to me.

Dr. Vallen looks at me with watchful eyes, “Before we discuss more complex topics, I’d like to know, what has been sending you into these panic attacks today?” I didn’t like looking into his eyes because it became a bit stressful. He had hawk-like eyes awaiting my every move as if I were prey.

“Uh.” I shift in my seat and tuck a leg under my other knee, “I’m scared because I can’t really remember anything. Nothing at all, really.” I shrug in a depressed state.

He writes something down and sighs as if he was weary of the subject matter, “Well, what I am about to say to you will be very shocking and hard to comprehend. With that being said, I’m not going to keep you in the dark about this.” His eyes watch me carefully and I can feel Steven’s eyes following my every move.

“You were in a car accident a few days ago. You’re body was perfectly intact; however, you went into a coma for the past two days. Yesterday you awoke, but you were in and out of sleep so we moved you to one of our private dorm rooms. You said that you couldn’t remember anything last night when I talked to you. Do you remember the conversation?” He tilts his head in question. The only thing I can think of is why did my bottom still hurt? How could an accident leave my body intact but my butt sore as if I fell on it really hard? I brushed off the thought. My memory issue was much more important.

I try to think back and I shook my head, “No, not really.”

His face turns sympathetic, “You were very tired so that may be why you can’t recall it.” He scribbles down some more notes.

“Now, we found that you have lost most, if not all, of your memory. Hopefully, with time you will gradually remember. For now we must be grateful that you are not brain dead.” His words dig into my skin. Pain surges through me. I feel an emotional imbalance as it all sinks in.

Dr. Vallen talks sympathetically as his words leave his mouth, “With the loss of memory, it is very possible for you to develop mental disorders or temporary symptoms from what happened. Such things as panic attacks, hallucinations, and depression can accompany memory loss. It is quite an unfortunate thing to occur so young in your life.” I take a deep breath and clasp my hands.

One question reoccurred in my mind, “So who was I then?”

Dr. Vallen’s eyebrows arch in surprise, “You still are the same person of course. Memory may leave but personality and intellect don’t go right out the door.”

I try to remember my full name. It takes a moment but I get it. Dakota Siberia. Not too hard, right? I think that’s it.

“Dakota Siberia? That’s my full name, right?” Dr. Vallen nods with an encouraging look.

“I really don’t have a middle name. That’s weird.” I say to myself quietly.

He ignores my comment and inquires further, “Do you remember anything else? How about when you were born? Parents names?”

I try picking at my pathetic mind. Numbers form in my head, “December 13th, 1996?”

Steven smiles, “Good job, Dakota.” I grin. I was remembering something at least.

“David and Jane are my parent’s names.” I stated quietly. I felt a rise in my confidence. I couldn’t remember memories but I could remember names of people who raised me. It was the only thing that was making me feel better. I tried to file through my mind for other names but nothing came. Absolutely nothing else.

I met the doctor’s eyes, “What happened to my parents? Where are they now?” Steven coughs as the doctor shifts his legs. An awkward tension moves into the room.

“You’re mother and father passed away many years ago.” I could feel how vague the doctor was being. It set me slightly on edge, I want to know every detail of my life that I can but he was treating it as a simple concept. It made me sad, but I felt like I already knew the pain enough to not cry about it. It was bleakly weird.

“Where am I?”

“You are in the Hybrid Institution of Redway, California.” I don’t think I originally came from California. What the hell.

“Where did I used to live?”

“We have no idea. We were going to ask you but that idea is thrown out of the window. You’re old foster parents are located in Oak Park, Illinois.” Dr. Vallen’s eyes study my blank expression carefully, " However, when we phoned the old foster parents they said you ran away a few months ago, which was quite shocking. You belonged to a foster care center in Illinois, but as of a day ago the Hybrid Institution took up documents to keep you in our foster care. You’re situation was so special that we couldn’t let you go after being in a coma in our facilities for two days. Also, you have a few friends here that said they knew you that attend the Hybrid Institution as well."

I scratched my head. This story seemed feasible but it was incredulous to some extent. All these questions raced through my mind to figure out who I used to be. Why would I ever leave? How did I even end up in California? How did I get the money? What was I even doing here for a few months? Did I know anyone in California? Did I have friends? Did I have a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend? Am I lesbian? Was I really some runaway?

Out of all the things I had questions about, something was pulling at me. It was an unsettling feeling of being on edge. One thought that was stronger than the rest fell into my lap as I looked into Dr. Vallen’s dull grey eyes.

Everything he told me was an undoubtedly made up lie.

Chapter Two

Three long months passed of cognitive therapy, finding the truth, remembering who I used to be, catching up on academics, and talking to my group of friends at the Hybrid Institution. Throughout the course of the past few months, multiple memories have resurfaced. All of my memories up until the age of ten have came back to me in incredible timing. It’s as if a shadow was blocking my view of my memories and day by day the old memories are returning spontaneously.

The most recent memories are from when I turned 8 and I had anger issues. I remember a nurse named Bethany, with unattractive maroon lipstick, trying to give me a shot. She had to call another nurse in to hold me down. This resulted in me kicking the nurse holding the syringe in the stomach and I ran out of the doctor’s office.

Other memories are from when I was a bit younger. Most of them are very insignificant to how I wound up here since all of them are from 6 years ago. I gave up on trying to force memories to resurface because it just given me headaches.

The most heart wrenching ones have been of my dad. The worst part of the memories of my dad is that I just know he isn’t alive anymore. I feel somehow settled on the pain but I feel so helpless with the idea of not knowing where he was or what happened. How did he pass away? What exactly happened to my parents? I want the answers but I know that the only answers only could come within me. I remembered the events surrounding the time when he passed away but the more I try to figure out what happened, the more panic attacks I have.

I woke up sweating and crying two weeks ago from the memory of the day he took me to Menards with him. It was such a seemingly irrelevant memory but it was a moment I wish I could go back too.

I believe I was only 7 and we were on the way back from the store in his truck. I remember we were talking about school and we got into a deeper conversation. My dad looked in his rearview mirror and then looked at me, “No matter what anyone will ever tell you, Dakota. Always listen to your heart, because that will guide you farther than your mind ever will. The mind is a complex work of art, and sometimes it can steer you the wrong way.” I didn’t understand why he said that at the time because it was so out of context but those words traveled with me these past few days.

The words echoed through me every time I saw Dr. Vallen. The more I visited the doctor, the more I found he was full of shit. I put on an innocent face every time I saw him and tried to act the same as I did my first day. It was the most incredibly hard task I have ever performed but it was necessary to me finding out the truth. I wanted him to think that I believed every word that came out of his pathetic mouth. I had a feeling that something was wrong from the first day, but I knew better than to say anything. My conscience told me to shut up and I obeyed. Every memory I had was not to be put out in the open for Dr. Vallen. Something told me that something bad would happen if I told him I was beginning to remember things. Something else told me that something even worse would happen if he knew I was trying to keep things from him.

The first day I awoke, he told me that I had foster parents. That was a lie. A man named Daniel is my adopted, well, basically uncle to me. At least from my memories of around the age of 7 and 8 I can tell he took over after my parents passed away. The memories are very fuzzy since they are older but I know he was very close to my dad. I can’t help but get frustrated thinking about how Dr. Vallen lied to me about the only sense of family I have left.

Out of all the memories, there is a weird reoccurrence between them all. Old thoughts and daydreams keep reemerging and they are unsettling. Some days I have an urge to dream about something I rather not admit to.

My first day at Hybrid I was diapered and it was awkward when it happened but later on my mind kept going back to it. The moment was so raw yet innocent. I began having dreams of being diapered some nights. The mornings I wake up, I feel like a freak of nature wanting to be put back in diapers. It’s such a taboo thing to wish for but the urge is there and it won’t go away. Some days I try to push it out of my mind but other days I will sit through classes daydreaming of being diapered.

The worst part is that I really don’t want to admit to is that it’s not just the diapers that I want. It’s a combination of the urge to act like a toddler. It’s so strange and I can’t wrap my head around it. I’ve been spending hours upon hours trying to map out why I was absolutely and undeniably attracted to such a silly thing.

I snap out of my daze as I look at my Calculus teacher as he drones on about limits. I understand limits but it’s a pain in the ass listening to a lecture you already know. I look out the window towards the towering iron fence that surrounds the whole of Hybrid Institution. My eyes travel farther into the forest that stretches for miles into the abyss. I can’t help but think how hidden Hybrid Institution must be.

I’ve never left Hybrid Institution since I awoke three months ago. It was only August and I can’t believe it’s already November. It feels as if years have passed stuck in this place. My days have consisted of waking up, going to school for three hours, eating lunch, going to see Dr. Vallen, and then having free time for homework, friends, or anything I felt like doing within the limitations of the Hybrid Institution that is.

However, I’ve found there are limitations to this. I can only go out of the dorm room area with someone watching, I mean hanging out with, me. On top of that, I almost always have to have someone around me. I see Steven on a daily basis since he is my designated ‘caretaker’ or whatever the hell that refers too. He seems to have a temper I’ve found. He always tells me to ‘watch my language’ or ‘stop giving me attitude’ every once in a while. I guess sometimes I tend to become a bit irritated with being stuck in the same place for a long period of time but I don’t necessarily get too moody with him. There’s something more in depth than the eye can see with Steven. It’s as if he has been holding something against me and he has to keep reminding himself to forget it. I see it in his eyes. They will be enraged and then they will flash with sympathy.

“Ehem,” I drop my pencil on the ground as the Mr. Dillons is standing in front of my desk staring down at me under his glasses, "Miss Siberia, the next time I see you zoning out during my lecture I will give you a dentention. Pay attention. " The sound of the bell saves me as I pick up my bag and leave his class.

I huff and say under my breath, “Fucking asshole.” Mr. Dillons didn’t like me the first day I entered his class. Freaking sexist douchebag. At least it was my last hour and I can finally eat lunch. The only thing I’ve been looking forward to every day was my lunch and dinner.

As I was walking my eyes followed a tall girl with long deep chesnut colored hair and recognize my close friend. My first impression on the first day walking by her was incredibly incorrect. When I first saw her, I thought she didn’t like me. I found out that her name was Evelyn or preferably Eve. The first few times I was forced to talk to her, through labs in Chemistry, she was very on edge and rude. I tried my best to be nice and just get to know everyone that I met, including her. She seemed to ignore all my attempts of friendliness. A few weeks later, Eve gradually became easier to talk to. It was as if something changed in her that made her like me a bit more.

The more we talked, the more we found we had in common. It began with just talking in Chemistry and it grew into both of us eating lunch at the same table. Then we began hanging out in her dorm and sometimes my dorm. We both had a sarcastic sense of humor that most people didn’t get. She was also different, but that’s what made us so alike. I felt different as well. I felt this constant gnawing of curiosity. Then sometimes I would have the feeling that I just need to do something of worth. That there was so much to explore in this world and I was stuck here.

I pick up pace and call out her name, “Eveeeeeeeee.”

She turns her head and smiles, “Oh god, not you again.” She nudges my elbow with hers when I finally catch up to her in the hallway. She continues talking about some strict teacher that won’t cut her slack on an essay to her other friends. I zone out at we walk to the cafeteria. I never really talked to anyone else at the institution besides Eve and Steven even though on the first day I met the peopleat our lunch table, they all said that they were once friends with me. It all prevailed to be a made up lie because none of them have even tried to talk to me.

As we’re eating Eve looks to me with a pleasant face, “Hey, got any plans tonight?” She arches her eyebrows referring to as if I had actual plans like a boyfriend or something. Out of all people, she knows that I can’t nor won’t be going anywhere.

I laugh and shake my head, “Of course not.”

“Want to hang out after this?” Her light blue eyes that always have a flick of eyeliner look at me under her long lashes. I nod quietly in response and keep eating my PB & J.

A half an hour later I find myself walking into Eve’s room. I plop down on her bed and bring my legs up to my chest. Eve throws her backpack on the ground and closes the door.

“Sometimes it pisses me off how strict they can be.” Eve says. I’ve found she doesn’t talk to anyone else about the Hybrid Institution except for me. It’s something we tend to casually talk about. Eve almost keeps it a secret. She tells me to never talk to anyone about it. She told me to never even tell Dr. Vallen. It’s feels as if she had something big to hide.

I stare at my feet, “At least you can leave.”

I blink up at her and I catch a glimpse of sympathy. As if she feels a certain amount of pain for me, “It’s not as easy as it may seem. I’m in the same boat as you are.”

“But you aren’t tied to here. If I leave, I have no home to go to, if you leave, you at least have a home to go to.” Eve closes her eyes as if she were in pain.

“It’s not that simple.” She says quietly while shaking her head slowly. Eve opens her eyes and sits beside me on the bed.

She tells me in almost an inaudible voice, “People will come after me when I leave. I have no choice but to stay here.” I shot her a surprised look. Why would people come after her?

I asked quietly, “Who would even come after you?”

She closes her eyes for a moment then opens them, “I’ve said too much. I’m sorry. Let’s just drop the subject.” Her eyes shift to the walls slightly. A small shiver runs through me as I realize that my every move is being watched. It’s funny that it’s so offsetting even though I knew I was being watched for the passed few months. Eve finally confirmed all of my thoughts in one moment.

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Chapter 3

Something shutters through my mind. It’s as if a vault of memories are trying to unleash itself. Something important slivers towards my thoughts; it’s as if I can almost grasp it. It reminds me of when you have something on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t remember the word or phrase, yet it’s there, waiting to be remembered. Vial thoughts betray my mind. A wave of depression crashes over me. Whimpers rack my body as the room blurs.

I hear the door creak open and feet pad the ground. I hide under my blanket as I suppress my noises. A hand falls on my back.

“Dakota? What’s wrong?” I fall silent, hoping he leaves. I feel betrayed by everyone. Everyone in this building has fed me with lies. The only sliver of truth has been hinted silently by Eve. It’s ridiculously hard to make it seem like I’m innocent and that I don’t have a clue what’s going on. I know they are hiding something from me but I can’t break through to it.

I mumble into my pillow, “Just a bad dream.”

“How about you tell me about it?” I feel Steven sit on my bed. Steven always came in whenever I had any emotional outburst in my room. I blame it on the hidden cameras and mics planted around my room.

“I had a dream that someone was trying to kill me. That’s all.” I lied. I had a memory tonight, not a dream.

I’ve found some of my worst, most important memories came after all the insignificant ones in random spurts. The nightmare I had was so clear and vivid, I knew it was a memory from the past. It wasn’t just a nightmare.

[i]I remember that morning Daniel picked me up from my house at 5 AM. He didn’t say anything the whole ride. He told me we were going to the hospital, but he didn’t mention anything else. He didn’t want to freak me out, because he truly didn’t even know what was going on.

I was so young, and the memory is becoming cloudier as years go by, but I still remember the doctor’s bags under his eyes and mournful face.

“Miss Siberia, your mother passed away at 2:50 this morning. Your father passed away at 4:27 this morning. There was only so much we could do. I’m sorry.”

All the air in my lungs let out. My little 7 year old mind couldn’t understand what happened. I cried for days after. I was so depressed that when I remembered it was my birthday that day I really didn’t care anymore.[/i]

Almost everything else from the memory blurred out. I just remember Daniel talking to the doctors about what happened. A few years later, Daniel told me that it was because of a drunken truck driver. The truck driver was found brain dead after the accident.

My spine tingled as I cried into my pillow, hoping the Steven would leave me alone.

“Hey, now, just calm down and get to sleep, okay?” He said wearily with a small hint of irritation. I was guessing he didn’t like waking up in the middle of the night to be forced to comfort me.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll calm down soon.” I said with a hoarse voice.

“Night, Dakota.” I heard the door close and I let a few more whimpers rack my body. I calmed down in a few minutes and fell into a peaceful slumber.

[i]I found myself in a grocery store. Sea blue eyes looked down at me. All I can do is stand there helplessly and smile awkwardly at him. There we’re so many words I wanted to say to the man standing in front of me. I wanted to tell him something important but I couldn’t find the words to speak. An overwhelming desire took over me to just tell him. I couldn’t speak. My mouth wouldn’t move. But there was this warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach as if I felt deeply for him.

I began sputtering, “I-I.” I tried again to speak, “Uh. Er.” Words wouldn’t leave my mouth. All I knew was it was important to tell him something. What was important though? The words wouldn’t come.

Strands of hair fell over his eyes and I reached out to brush the strands away. As I reached out, the incredibly attractive guy disappeared and the lights dimmed in the grocery store. A tall, slender figure appeared at the back of the store. I began running the opposite direction to get away from the intimidating man. The grocery aisles became a maze as I stumbled around trying to find the way out. I saw flashes of shadows in every aisle of the figure following me.

I tripped as I tried turning the corner. Panic rose in me as I knew I was caught.[/i]

I woke up to my alarm and sat up straight in my bed. Two nightmares in one night. One was a memory so what was the other one about?

The only thing I knew was that the same two people kept showing up in my dreams. One was always a nightmare. The other was calming. Charming. Handsome.

The boy, well, not boy, but man, unearthly handsome being, kept reappearing in my dreams. I didn’t understand who he was or if he was even real, but I already had these emotions connected to him every time I had a dream of him. It was as if my subconscious was trying to tell me something.

I was still puzzled about the dream up until lunchtime. I was finishing my lunch as Eve waved her hand in front of my face. I snapped out of my lost stare.

“What’s up?” I asked as if I wasn’t just spacing out.

"I was just saying that my brother is visiting today. You know, Shawn. He used to be your friend. " Eve said as she looked at me. Her eyes curious, once again, about what I was thinking.

I nodded, “Oh.” Eve said a lot of people used to be my friend, but most of them didn’t seem to connect to me. I couldn’t understand how I used to be friends with some of these people. She told me that me and her never spoke up until a few months ago yet I knew her brother before we ever spoke. It sounded strange to me but I accepted it as the truth, for now at least.

I wondered if Eve lied to me just as Dr. Vallen did. I trusted her, but I also understood that she was protecting herself with every word she said to me. She had to be careful because she was paranoid of something. I have no idea what or why though.

Everyone at the table seemed curious about Eve’s brother. It was as if he were a legend at this place. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. I wouldn’t remember anyways.

In my peripheral vision, I saw a slender, dark figure behind Eve. The tall man touched her back and the girls in front of me looked excited to talk to the guy as they looked up. My back stiffened as I sat there, not knowing how to go about this situation with a guy I didn’t know, but knew once upon a time.

Dr. Vallen said that I had a certain case of ‘social anxiety’ and I guess that was the only honest thing he could tell me. It was true, I was nervous about talking to people. I have no idea why but it was just hard for me to feel comfortable with new people or too many people. I blamed it on social anxiety as I sat there stiffly.

“Hey, sister.” A strong endearing voice said behind me. I could feel him move behind me and sit to my left at the table. His elbow brushed mine gently as his hands clasped together on the table. He was strikingly bigger than me which slightly intimidated me. He reminded me too much of the half nightmare I had last night. I wanted to leave but I didn’t want to be rude.

He nodded towards me, “Dakota.” For a moment, I forgot his name, but after he spoke I remembered his name was Shawn. His eyes were studying me as my eyes were downcast to my half-eaten grilled cheese on my tray. There was something familiar about his presence he carried with him. I just couldn’t place it.

I gave a timid smile as I met his melting brown eyes. They were trained on me, watching carefully as if I were hiding something. Shawn’s eyes searched for something quietly.

“I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to see you after the accident.” His apology was bitter but genuine. He paused, “How have you been?”

I broke our gaze, “Forgetful.” I said, shifting in my seat uncomfortably.

I heard a dark laugh come from Shawn. “I guessed that much.”

My eyes flicked to his then back to my tray. The awkward tension ever present.

I got up, “I have to get some homework done. Uh, nice talking to you.” I gave a weak smile as I retreated to the trash can to dump my tray.

I could tell his eyes were following me as I left. I went straight to my room, feeling bare of memories of Shawn. Feeling plain but weird. Who was Shawn to me? Was I as intimidated by him as I just felt before?

He reminded me so much of the half nightmare I had last night. He reminded me of most of the nightmares I had of a dark man. Maybe we had a rough relationship in the past? I couldn’t tell. He seemed pretty decent of a character it’s just he kept an air of intimidation with him wherever he went which got me. This was one of those times where my brain frustrated me. I just wanted to know for once. I just wanted so badly to know who the fuck everyone was to me once upon a time.

I heard a knock at my door and jumped. I got up from my bed and straightened myself, “Come in.”

The door creaked open and Shawn stood there. He walked in and shut it behind him. He cocked his head, eyes still watching me, “How are you, really? Be honest with me.” Shawn sat down on the chair in front of my desk, crossing his arms.

I rubbed my shoulder wearily. I shrugged, “Frustrated, I guess.”

“About what?” He was prying for more. He was beginning to pry as much as Dr. Vallen.

I stood there awkwardly, “I wish I remembered who you were to me. I wish I remembered who I used to be. But the more I try to remember, the more time I waste on nothing.” His eyes searched mine as if he didn’t believe me for a second, then they looked sympathetic. Guilt flashed over his eyes for a moment and I was left confused.

“What?” I blurted out, speaking my mind.

He cocked his head at me, “Hm?” He looked offended for a moment, wondering why I said something so out of place.

“What happened between us?” I asked quietly.

Shawn looked surprised, “Nothing.” He hesitated, “Why?” His statement was invalid. He was lying through his teeth.

I shook it off quickly, “I don’t know. No one tells me anything. That’s all.” Shawn got up and walked over to me. His arms wrapped around me in an unexpected hug.

He whispered quietly in my ear, almost inaudibly, “I used to be your worst nightmare. Believe me when I say I am your friend now. No one is safe here anymore, not even me.” I pulled away, silently.

My eyes shifting in thought, “Thank you.” He confirmed all the questions I had in a simple answer.

The man in my nightmares were real. Was the man in my sweet, innocent dreams real too?

Chapter 4

I woke up with a gentle hand softly shaking my shoulder.

I groggily murmured in my half-awakened state, “Go away.” It had to be 4 in the morning. The sun wasn’t even out as I cracked open one of my eyes.

“Shhh.” I rolled over and rubbed my eyes, “Wake up, we have to go, Dakota.” It was a man’s deep but calm voice. I squinted at him, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. All I could see was his black silhouette and the whites of his eyes.

“Who are you?” I asked in a whisper.

There was a silent pause. The man was speechless. He stood there, looking at me. I could see pain spread across his face in the darkness. I didn’t understand.

After a minute he finally responded, “I’m a friend. We need to get out of here, Dakota. Can you trust my word?” He said, with a genuine wanting to bring me with him.

I was still in a sleepy state. My mind wasn’t processing fast enough but I knew it was urgent that I could make a decision fast enough. It was either stay here, continue to be lied to, or go with this mysterious man who said I was his friend. This was my only time I would be able to leave. I only had one chance. This was it. I wanted to believe him. I really did, so I chose to believe in the words he spoke. He seemed honest.

“Okay. Yeah.” I nodded, sitting up and stretching. I hurriedly got up from my bed. I saw my door was ajar as the yellowy white hallway light shown into my room.

I followed him out into the hallway. I felt awkward in only grey shorts and a orange tank top. I regretted not grabbing a sweatshirt as I left.

“We’re going to have to run, okay?” He whispered. In the light, his sea blue eyes searched mine, looking for something. I saw he had short hazel brown cropped hair lightly gelled into a Mohawk shape. He was tall and handsomely built.

I realized that I was spacing out, “Okay.”

He began slowly, making sure I was following, looking behind him as he jogged. I matched his pace and we took off into a sprint. Well, a sprint for me, probably a light run for him. My bare feet touching the cool hardwood floor as we ran. He led us to where the dome shaped gymnasium was. As we entered the gymnasium had a dim light illuminating the room. I looked up towards where the benches were and barely met the windows lining the gymnasium. One window was slightly cracked open. I could see the clear sky with bright white stars sprinkling it.

The guy in front of me flew up the bleachers expertly. I followed him, trying to go as smoothly as I could. My toe caught on a step and I fell. The echo of my body slamming onto the bleachers resonated in the gymnasium. I was partially embarrassed and partially fearful that someone might have heard me. My ankle twisted as my foot got caught underneath a metal bench. I whimpered as I braced myself falling into the hard bleacher.

I heard the man say in a concerned voice, “Dakota.”

He rushed over to me. Before I knew it, I was off of the ground in mid air. I gasped in surprise as strong arms held me. One behind my back, the other behind the hollows of my knees. He carried me up to the window. The man crouched with me in his arms as he brought us both underneath the window.

I heard another guy’s voice say, “We have her. On our way back.” I was a bit suspicious of the people I was going to be with soon. I was comfortable with Eve. Now I would have to meet another group of people that I didn’t know and somehow figure out what really happened.

My ankle I twisted was bobbing up and down as the man carrying me ran hard. I listened to his calm, steady breathing pattern as he ran. It was a harmony that I liked the sound of. I snuck a glance at him quickly. He was, well, attractive. He had a light amount of hair forming a mustache and an almost fully grown beard. He had a determined, unwavering look on his face. I was already developing a small, intangible crush on this man I just met. How could I not? He was my knight after all, wasn’t he?

I winced in pain as I looked to where he was bringing us. There was another guy in front of us and a woman. The guy was pale with ginger hair. He was as tall as the man carrying me. The woman running was muscular with a tattoo sleeve over her arm, one side of her head shaved, and many ear piercings. She seemed angry, but I think that was honestly just the look she usually had.

I saw in front of us was the front gate open. I had never been outside of the confines of the gate. I was secretly cheering for the man holding me to run harder to the finish line. I just wanted to get out of the place that, basically, incarcerated me. They fed me lies and the only sliver of truth they ever gave me was cold. I may have forgotten everything I once knew, but the one thing I was sure of is that I never want to return to the Hybrid Institution ever again.

I saw the faint red lights of the back of a black Suburban ahead of us. We were only 100 feet away from it as the sirens began.

“Fuck.” The man mumbled under his breath.

We reached the car in impeccable timing. The woman opened the door to the car. Our eyes met for a moment. Her eyes held some trace of wisdom in them. She looked weary, as if this was a onetime deal for her.

“Watch your head.” He said to me as he sat me down on the seat gingerly. He let me go as if I were some sort of fragile vase that would break if he wasn’t careful enough.

I scooted to the middle seat as the woman sat in front next to the driver. The guy with the ginger hair sat to the left of me and the man who held me sat to my right. The doors slammed shut quickly. Everyone was securing their belts as the driver stepped on the pedal, propelling us to fifty miles an hour onto the road in under a minute.

My eyes fell on the driver. The man was well over 40 years old. It took a moment for me to figure out who it was. From his square black glasses to his dark brown hair. Familiarity dawned on me. The only person I remembered was here.

“Daniel!” I said with a huge smile.

His head nodded in my direction, “Hey, kiddo.” The man who held me sighed, frustrated.

There was so much I wanted to say but I held it back. This was not the time for conversation. This was the time for us to get safely away from the Hybrid Institution. There was a silence in the vehicle. The hum of the Suburban rolling on the expressway filled the quiet void. Daniel turned on the radio.

I covered my arms, shivering from my lack of clothes. The man with the sea blue eyes took off his sweatshirt, “Here.” He handed me his black sweatshirt. I felt bad as all he had on was a short sleeved t-shirt under it.

“Uh, thanks.” I pulled it on. There was an evergreen scent etched into its fabric. I quietly nestled my nose into the side and smiled. It smelled like home yet I couldn’t remember what home was.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed there were more people in the vehicle. Behind me there was a small girl and a bigger man. The bigger man had a laptop in his hands, tapping quietly but quickly.

After a half an hour of silence, the man in the back seat said, “I don’t think anyone’s following us. We’re clear.”

The ginger haired guy sitting next to me mumbled, “That was too easy.”

“I don’t think they were trying to keep her. They already probably did enough fucking damage.” The man with the sea blue eyes says with a bitter tone.

Daniel nods. “Do you remember anyone else, besides me, Dakota?” I met his eyes as he looked at me in his rearview mirror.

I shook my head, “No.” I glanced down to see the man with the sea blue eyes hand clenched, his body stiffened as if he were in pain. It slowly dawned on me that he was trying to stop from crying.

“Well, I guess the second impression can be as good as the first, right?” I said, trying to cheer the man sitting next to me up. He shook his head slightly, almost as if it didn’t happen. I couldn’t even begin to understand why he was so hurt, as if I offended him.

“Well, I’m Rayne. I used to be the trainer you hated.” The woman sitting in front of me said with a humorous tone catching at her voice. I gave a weak smile to her. At least she was being honest.

"I’m Felix. We’ve been friends for more than a few years. " The ginger guy says next to me. The man with the sea blue eyes is quiet when it’s his turn.

I turn around as I hear the girl behind me speak up, “I’m Skylar.” I smiled at her. She looked sad, like she was holding back words, feelings. She only met my gaze for a moment, and then shifted her eyes downward.

The bigger man nodded to me, “Henry. I used to be your trusted computer guy.” I turned my head to the guy with the sea blue eyes, curious what his name was.

“I’m Derek.” He paused; his eyes flicking to Daniel then back to me, speaking quietly, “I was a friend.” He gives a smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes. A certain pain flickers in his eyes. Some familiar trace of him hits me. Something about his eyes reminds me of my dreams. They remind me of something more than my dreams. Something deeper than what hits the surface. As the strange feeling hits me, I break my glance with Derek and look down at the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

The air was crisp and cold as I clenched my teeth in the awkward silence that followed. I didn’t want to talk anymore as it seemed Derek was intimidatingly silent as he sat next to me. In my peripheral vision, I could see his jaw was clenched as if he were more infuriated than he was letting on. I couldn’t help but feel I hurt his feelings or made his offended by me. It was quite unsettling because I had so many questions, but didn’t want to speak.

An hour passed by as Felix and Rayne attempted to fall asleep in the vehicle in awkward positions. I watched Daniel turn on his signal as we approached a winding ramp off of the expressway. I heard the quiet ticking of the signal. Lights of the towers of buildings were in front of us as we went on the ramp. Derek moved quietly, stretching his arm over the car seat right behind my head. Daniel slowed down as we went in a circle on the ramp. Felix bobbed his head awake as Rayne groaned. I tried my best to not nudge Derek on the arm, since he seemed like he really didn’t want to be bothered, as Daniel drove us around the ramp but I accidentally elbowed him in the stomach. My side fell into his and all my attempts to not touch him failed miserably. His arm behind my head gently fell over my back, almost as if it were a protective instinct, and his hand grasped my shoulder.

My head moved and I met his glance in my direction. He quickly said, "I thought you were going to fly out of your seat for a moment there. I’m sorry. " He was apologizing for holding me in place. For simply helping me. He was already an incredibly mysterious person. I was absolutely mythed on who this guy was to me in the past. Did I used to have a crush on him? Or was he really just a friend?

I slowly came back from spacing out. I realized I was sitting there quietly staring out his window side for a few second. I quickly said, “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.” I tucked my dark curtain of hair falling over my eyes behind my ear.

The sun was just peaking above the skyscraper buildings as Daniel announced, “Good news, were only ten minutes away from the airport.” Everyone murmured groggily.

I asked, “Where are we going, exactly?” I was blatantly curious.

“Wisconsin.” Daniel said, as he met my glance in his rearview mirror.

“Why?” I blurted out, somewhat confused. I remember I lived in Georgia once upon time. Will I ever be going back to where I grew up?

“Because you will be safe there.” Derek said quietly, almost inaudibly, without turning his face in my direction. He was like stone as he sat next to me. It was as if he were drained of emotion or trying to block out any emotion. I looked down at my hands, feeling a subtle, but awkward, tension.

Daniel pulled into the rental garage a walking distance away from the airports entrance. It was a chilly November morning as we stepped out from the vehicle.

Daniel said, “I’ll be in the airport in a second. You guys go in.” He motioned to the airport. Everyone nodded off. The whole group seemed sleep deprived. I wondered if they even slept last night.

I felt a tinge of guilt as I still had Derek’s sweatshirt on. My eyes fell over his muscular arms. His veins lining his forearms subtly. He crossed them over his chest, acting as if he weren’t cold. The only hint that he was cold was his goose bump printed skin. I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. I might have been a little slap happy but even if I weren’t; it would still have been funny.

His eyes caught my stare. He cocked his head at me as we all walked towards the entrance of the airport, “What?” I didn’t realize I was grinning like an idiot until I had to force myself to have a straight face.

I cracked another grin, “Are you cold?” The most damn attractive crooked smile formed on his face as we entered the lobby of the airport. My eyes adjusted to the bright lights and white walls as the warmth of air conditioning brushed my face. I tried to hide my blush as I looked away from his smile. I was getting all flustered from someone who I didn’t really know.

I heard a rumble of a chuckle, “Maybe.” I met his gaze with an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach. It felt as if a little butterfly was tickling my stomach. I was confused as I had just met someone I could admit to liking who was currently only a stranger to me. I didn’t know anything about him but there was something very alarming to me.

I met his gaze as we stood there waiting for Daniel. His eyes were searching, just as they kept doing ever since I met him. It’s as if he were waiting for something. He seemed disappointed as it seemed like he didn’t find the thing he was searching for.

I looked down at my feet, realizing the silent moment we had. Skylar, Raven and Henry quietly stood a few feet away from us as if they were trying to give us privacy. There was something that I felt everyone was attempting to hide from me. I couldn’t place a finger on it but it was a bit unsettling.

My temples swelled, as if I were having a terrible brain freeze, and I crouched on the ground, rubbing my temples with my fingers. A hand caressed my back lightly and I flinched.

“Does your head hurt?” Derek asked gently. I nodded with clenched teeth.

“Let’s get you to sit down, okay? Come on.” His hand softly gripped my elbow as he helped me up. As I stood up, confusion blew like a mist over my memory. An overwhelming feeling rose in my chest as if every single emotion wanted to erupt out of me.

Disorientation and headaches may persist from memory lost. It’s just the brain working hard to remind you of something. Just let the feeling pass if this does occur. Also, notify me every time so we can keep track of them, okay?

Dr. Vallen’s words echoed in my brain. I only told him that I had it once even though I would get them frequently when I tried forcing myself to remember. I stopped trying after I began to have more frequent panic attacks the more I tried.

I heard Daniel’s voice from behind, “Dakota, what’s wrong?”

I shook my head, trying to not make a big deal of it. I squinted as I opened my eyes, “Nothing, I’m fine.” I said with a bitter edge to my voice. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. I did not want to have a panic attack in front of anyone today, especially not Derek. It would be terribly humiliating.

I heard Henry say in a low voice, as if I weren’t there, "We have to get going now to make the flight. "

I opened my eyes to find everyone staring at me. I stood up quickly, steadying myself for a moment as I was incredibly dizzy, “Let’s go. I’m fine, really.” Derek gave me a long stare, watching me carefully as if I were going to fall over any second. He didn’t believe me for a second.

An hour passed as we were all settled on the plane, flying high, on the way to the Milwaukee Airport in Wisconsin. I found myself in between Daniel and Derek as my seating partners for the whole trip. Derek sat on the right of me looking out the window as Daniel sat to the right of me.

“Do you remember memories or people?” Daniel asked quietly, concerned.

“Memories only.” I responded sullenly looking down at my hands.

“Are they random or in some type of chronological order?” Derek’s chin tilted slightly in my direction, so slight I almost didn’t notice it in my peripheral vision.

“Mostly chronological.” I sighed, trying to brush off the old habits of blocking out any crucial information that would be important to Dr. Vallen.

“Then what is the last thing you remember?” Daniel looked down at his Sudoku puzzle in his hands. He was stuck on a few slots.

“It’s 4 and 9.” I pointed to the empty spaces, trying to think of the last memory.

He smiled at me warmly, “Old habits don’t die easily, Dakota.” The time I remember with Daniel was many mornings of helping him finish Sudoku puzzles. I could solve them ten times faster than him and it was always exciting to show off how intellectual I was at such a young age. It was always hilarious to me at how frustrated he got when I ruined his attempt to finish a Sudoku puzzle alone.
"A few nights ago I had a memory of the morning you brought me to the hospital when I was 7. " His weary eyes met mine with pain flickering across them.

“But that’s not the most recent one, the most recent was a month before my 9th birthday. I just remember one morning I asked you why I didn’t take the bus to school like other kids.” I shrugged, I wish I had more interesting memories to share than that.

I did have more interesting memories though. I just couldn’t say them out loud. I remember when I’d daydream of being placed back in diapers or treated like a baby again. I found out that the feeling I got from the first day I woke up at the Hybrid Institution was a reoccurring event even before my parents passed away. I can’t pinpoint when it began but I knew that it was something that I am incredibly embarrassed of. I keep wondering, as more memories come back, if the urge ever goes away the older I get. The more I still try to ignore wanting to daydream, even to this day, the more I feel the obsession to just fake an issue with my bladder so I can get my hands on diapers.

Derek spoke up, “So how often have these memories been coming back to you?” He seemed to already know the answer but it was as if he just needed reassurance.

I looked out the window as pinky orange morning puffy clouds were under us. His eyes watched me as I replied, “They’ve been sporadic. Some weeks I get millions of little memories and other weeks I learn nothing new about myself. It’s quite frustrating. I was actually really hoping everyone could fill me in from there because right now, I only know Daniel. I only know my life in Atlanta, Georgia.”

I met Derek’s eyes and I could tell he was in pain, emotionally. I wanted to help him, but I didn’t know how. Was his pain spawned from me? I just wanted some answers for once. I waited three months for this.

Daniel said, almost as if to himself, “I promised to your father that I would protect you, and I failed. This is the result of that, Dakota.” He paused as he closed his eyes, "I can’t tell you everything until we’re off this plane but I promise that by the end of today you will know everything that has happened in the span of 8 years. You deserve that more than anything. " He opened his eyes and they were watery. I looked away, I did not want to see Daniel cry today.

“It was my fault Daniel. Dakota would have never left that day if it weren’t for me.” I gave him a confused look. His piercing blue eyes were sad. I suddenly had this strong urge to cheer him up. It was such a random urge as I sat in between them. I felt like I owed it to him to cheer him up yet he was just a stranger to me.

Daniel sounded irritated as he lowered his voice so the people around us wouldn’t hear, “No, Derek, we went over this multiple times. None of this was your fault. The target was on Dakota for a long while and the Hybrids had the plan into action before you two. Stop blaming yourself.” Before us two. What did he mean? Was that what they called people from the Hybrid Institution? Hybrids? Derek shook his head in disagreement and looked out the window.

The rest of the plane ride was quiet as I sat between them. My head bobbed as I closed my eyes. I felt warm and comfortable to be with Daniel again. My eyes closed and before I knew it I was dozing off into a nap.

[i]“No, I told you before Frank, I don’t want Dakota joining.” He paused, “If something were to happen to Dakota, I don’t know what I would do. She needs to stay normal. Grow up normal. Her parents would have wanted that.” I pressed my ear into my door as I listened to Daniel and his friend, Frank, who was over to watch a football game, have a conversation that I probably shouldn’t have been listening to.

“Dave and Jane were some of the best members of the Phoenix and you know it. That kid is going to be a legend.” Frank coughed for a moment then continued, “And her parents wouldn’t want anything to happen to their daughter, no parent does, but I know they would have wanted her to be raised as a member of the Phoenix. You can’t just keep her from knowing who she really is.” I gasped quietly to myself as I stared at the light wood door. What was the Phoenix and why was it hidden from me?[/i]

A hand was on my shoulder, gently shaking me. As I became more and more conscious, I realized my cheek and ear was pressed on someone’s shoulder. I moved my head and sat straight, looking up into sea blue eyes.

A small crooked smile was placed on Derek’s face, “Have a nice nap, sleepyhead?” His voice was husky, and so damn attractive. I realized I was staring at him for too long. I nodded and touched my warm cheek as I looked at the back of the chair in front of me. I was blushing, again. I couldn’t believe that I slept on his shoulder. I felt even worse than before as I had his sweatshirt on still and I probably made him extremely uncomfortable the whole ride as I slept on him.

“The pilot said we’re landing soon.” Daniel said quietly.

“I’m sorry.” I said as I shifted my eyes to Derek and then back to the seat in front of me.

He cocked his head at me and then stretched his arms in front of him, “For what?”

“Taking your sweatshirt and sleeping on your shoulder. Do you want your sweatshirt back?” I asked timidly.

I glanced at him quickly again, embarrassed. He had another smile planted on his face. I was surprised he didn’t seem as sad as he was earlier. He opened his mouth and was about to say something then closed it. He stopped himself from saying something. I really wanted to hear it. I was intrigued, to say the least.

His smile faded, “It’s fine. No, you keep it.” The sentence was choppy and quick as if he had something else on his mind he rather would say. It caught me off guard.

I nodded as I looked in front of me again. The plane was going down and the feeling of falling tickled my stomach. The plane began skidding on the ground as we approached the airport.

A few hours later we were all in another vehicle headed towards where we would be actually living.

I had a question that was too important to wait any longer, “What’s the Phoenix?”

Daniel met my gaze in the rearview mirror and sighed, “It’s a very long explanation. How did you hear of it?”

“I had a dream, well, memory of you and Frank talking when I was ten. You kept saying something about how you didn’t want me to join it. I was just wondering what it was.” I looked at everyone in the car and they looked weary, as if it they heard the story about the Phoenix too much.

I was mind blown after a few hours of them telling me about the Phoenix. They filled me in on what I used to do. I couldn’t believe that I was basically a freaking sneak. I couldn’t believe that I went on rescue missions and actually helped people. It was another world that I wasn’t a part of for three months and it seemed like it was all some sort of lie.

“How did I end up at the Hybrid Institution then?” I asked as I looked out the window. My eyes scanned the millions of dark green trees lining the horizon.

“At the time, I was working in Atlanta Georgia still. I wasn’t there but I think Felix could tell you better than I can.” He went quiet as he drove. He seemed silently infuriated, as if he had a chip on his shoulder with Felix.

Felix ran his hands through his longer ginger hair as he began speaking, “Oh alright. Well, it’s another long story.” He nodded, silently trying to gather his thoughts as he looked at his hands, “Where the hell do I even begin?”

The small girl behind me, Skylar spoke up, “I betrayed you.” I turned my head to see her face. She was dead serious as she continued, “That’s what happened. I was selfish and I betrayed you.”

Henry cut her off, “Skylar, no.” He shook his head.

“No, she needs to know the truth.” A tear fell down her face, “We went to the Knights of Phoenix summer camp. Derek and Felix were trainers there. You became friends with a girl named Eve. She blackmailed me into sending you on a suicide mission to save Henry. It was either you or Henry and I had to.” I cocked my head at her as confusion took over my face.

“Eve?” I said quietly, almost to myself.
Derek said with a bitter tone, “Eve Williams.”

I shook my head, “No. It can’t be her. She’s my best friend.” I said as ice bit at my heart.

"She hated you. She was planning on hurting you the moment she saw you. "Skylar said behind me.

I blinked, “There’s no way that’s true.” I paused, “She was my only friend these past three months. My only friend. There is no way she could have faked it for that long.” My eyesight got blurry as I looked out the window.

“I’m sorry, Dakota.” Skylar said behind me in a lowered voice. I could hear her sniffling.

“Fuck. It’s as if everything I thought I knew was just a fucking lie. Everything.” I said with a sigh and a tear falling down my face. I wiped it away quickly. I was not going to cry over Eve. Not now at least.

Derek looked at me, his hand was rising as if he were going to touch my face. Then his hand went down, as if it were a mistake. He coughed, “It will be okay, Dakota. I promise.” I met his gaze. He looked pale and had bags under his eyes, yet he was still so handsome; I couldn’t imagine what he looked like on a good day. I couldn’t help but think that all the pain and confusion I felt, I had a good feeling that he had a million times more pain than me than what he let show. I just couldn’t wrap my head around why he was in pain.

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Alright guys, this will be the last chapter I’ll be posting for about a week. There’s some good chapters coming in the future so look out for them. I hope you guys are enjoying the story. c:

Chapter 5

The first of December came slowly. Daniel got me to begin taking college classes early. Days passed by with online Calculus II and Chemistry. I tried to stray away from any social interaction at our cabin. Felix and Raven left after the first week of arriving. Derek, Daniel, Skylar and Henry stayed in our two story, almost mansion like, cabin.

From living with the same people for a month, it’s easy to learn everyone’s daily patterns. Skylar and Henry tended to go in the office room of the cabin and play on the computer all day. Skylar I hardly ever see, but that would be highly hypocritical as I’m guessing no one sees much of me either. Daniel and Henry are the only ones that really leave the cabin. Daniel leaves to go to his job at the government center every day and gets weekends off. Henry goes on business trips to Milwaukee once or twice a week. The rest of us kids just lay around the house attempting to work on schooling.

I’ve found Derek basically claims the basement as all he does is work out even though his bedroom is at the end of my hallway. Also, that boy eats like a sumo wrestler. I can never go to grab some food without seeing Derek in the living room eating a protein bar or cooking vegetables. I’m still embarrassed of the crush I have on Derek. That’s partially the reason why I never leave my room. I have one of the most gigantic crushes on someone who was only a friend to me in the past. Or at least I think we were only friends in the past. That’s what he told me so I guess I should believe him. It’s just some of the things he’s talked about to others hasn’t connected. Then again, I really can’t imagine someone like Derek ever dating a geek like me. I guess I’m just confused in general on the subject.

The one thing I don’t understand is why Derek lives with us all. That’s another thing that doesn’t connect. Skylar and Henry are in hiding with me and Daniel yet Derek doesn’t need to be in hiding. I guess it just doesn’t make sense why he’s wasting time at the cabin. The one time I asked Daniel about Derek, Daniel said that Derek was my best friend and that we went everywhere together, like on missions and stuff. He said it was important for Derek to see me. I can kind of understand how we were best friends. The few conversations I’ve had with him, I’ve almost peed myself laughing. It’s like we just connect like magnets. I could see us being best friends, but I don’t know if I could see us dating.

I sat on my bed with my purple fuzzy blanket covering my nose as I read Twilight: Breaking Dawn. I know, it’s a stupid mushy book but I can’t help but fall for romance novels. According to Daniel, I read the entire Twilight saga before. However, I can say that rereading a book for the first time –if that makes any sense in my circumstance- is one of the best things I have ever done. These past few days, I have literally sat on my bed and read just about all of the Twilight series. I haven’t even left to eat breakfast yet and it was already 1 PM.

There was a knock on my door. I murmured, “Come in.” Maybe it was Henry. Henry sometimes bugged me about checking algebraic equations for his work.

Blue eyes peaked into my room. I met his gaze as I was hidden under my blanket. I immediately sat up and began brushing my hair with my fingers. I hadn’t showered in two days nor even looked in the mirror. I doubt I was even considered semi-decent.

He opened the door more. He was wearing black gym shorts and a no-sleeve navy shirt that framed his toned arms. His face broke out into a crooked smile, “Hey.” I wanted to stare at him all day if I could, but then I’d probably creep him the fuck out.

I blushed with a small smile, “Uh, hi.” I paused, biting my dry lips, “What’s up?” I tried to get my thoughts together. I would definitely take a shower after he left my room, that was for sure. Also, I might just brush my teeth and put some makeup on to make up for my ugliness.

“You remember how the other day I was saying my friend Chris Halley was going to live with us for a bit?” I nodded, awkwardly sitting on my bed, “Well, he said he’s almost here. Thought you might want to meet him.” His eyes were twinkling as he still had that so damn attractive crooked smile placed on his face.

“Okay, well,” Do I say thank you? What should I reply with to make me seem like not an idiot for once?

“Uh, thanks. I’m going to take a shower but I’ll be down to say hi after that.” I gave a stupid grin back. He nodded, eyes still twinkling, and closed the door. Once the door shut, I slapped myself on my forehead. God, I was such a geek. I keep over thinking anything and everything I could possibly respond to Derek with and whatever I say always comes out wrong.

I got up and stretched. I think I lost some weight from not eating and reading all of the time. I had some muscle four months ago, but I fear that it’s slowly deteriorating. I stood in the mirror of the bathroom and stared at myself for once. My fingers glided over my smaller stomach. I wasn’t used to being so much skinnier. The bones of my hips were protruding and to say the least, I was determined to begin eating more and working out. I really wanted to become fit, not stick-like.

I rubbed shampoo in my hair as I went over all the recent things I’ve been remembering. Memories from age 13 and even 14 are resurfacing. I remember now when I began going on missions as backup. I still don’t remember anything of Derek or Skylar though. Derek never mentioned when we met, I just guessed we met on some mission or something a few years ago. Maybe we met later on.

Steamed filled the bathroom after an hour of standing, feeling hot water massage my back. The December weather was chilling me to the bone and it made me appreciate hot showers like this. I probably took the longest showers between everyone in the whole house.

I walked down the stairs after my shower. There was a guy with dark brown hair and green eyes standing in the kitchen. He looked a bit older than Derek.

He met my glance as I walked in, “Hi, Dakota, how are you?” He sounded as if we knew each other already. Then again, everyone I have met has sounded like that.

I gave a smile, “Hey, I’m alright. How about yourself?” I tried to go with the flow. Derek was leaning against the counter, silently watching me. It was a bit distracting but I attempted to ignore him.

“Pretty good actually. Now that I get to catch up with my friends.” He beamed a smile at us as his eyes shifted from me to Derek. When he looked at Derek, it was as if there was some inside joke between them. Derek smirked and then looked away.

Chris patted his pockets as if he were searching for lost keys or his phone, “I forgot something in my car. Be back in a bit.” We just nodded in response.

I went over to the cupboard near where Derek was standing. I fished for the macaroni and cheese box. There was some static electricity when me and Derek were left alone. It felt as if him just being in the same room as me was warming me by proximity.

“Are you really eating mac and cheese for the third night in a row? I’ll cook you something if you’re that desperate for food.” I blushed and stuck my tongue out at him as I grabbed the box.

“This is nutrition at its finest. I’m sorry that you’re lacking.” I met his gaze as his eyes were still twinkling from earlier.

Derek began chuckling, “Oh, so I’m the one lacking?” His eyes scanned my body. It’s as if he could tell that I lost weight. I was hoping it wasn’t that obvious.

“What?” I blurted out. I found that I was a bit impatient with knowing things. I was just a bit curious, that’s all.

His face went serious in an instant, “How much weight have you lost?” He cocked his head to the side.

I shrugged, filling a sauce pan with water, “I have no idea. I didn’t even know I was losing weight until I looked in the mirror today.” I guess it was quite obvious.

He nodded, his fingers brushing his beard, “Then I guess I’ll start cooking for you.” He cracked a smile at me. I laughed and shook my head.

The next day I woke up around 7 in the morning, which was surprising for me. It was normal to wake up at 9 or 10, but not today. I decided that I was going to start working out. It’s not like it was going to hurt me, yet, anyways. I pulled on some shorts and got my gym shoes that were laying under my oak wood dresser in the corner of my room.

I silently went to the door that led to the downstairs, making sure not to wake anyone of the first floor that was sleeping. I slipped into the stairway hall and began walking down, until I heard two voices. I stopped in my tracks. It was Derek and Chris’s’ voices. I did not want to have the guy I had a massive crush on watch me get all sweaty and gross. I began back stepping quietly, as I had a feeling they hadn’t heard me yet.

I stopped after I heard my name escape Derek’s lips. I flinched suddenly, “It’s hard to see Dakota every day and not be able to pull her in my arms and call her mine.” He said through breaths. I could hear metal hitting the ground; I had a feeling he was lifting weights. I gasped quietly to myself. We were what I thought we were?

“That’s just,” Chris hacked a cough through his workout, “fucked up. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. Nor what she’s going through.”

“Well, to start off, I was fucking pissed off at first when I heard about the memory loss. Then time went by and I was just sad. I missed my other half. I’m happy that Daniel did me a favor by letting me stay here, but,” He grunted as metal clashed on the ground, “the catch is, I can’t even touch her. Not even for a hug.”

“Really? Did Daniel say that?” Did Daniel? I will be so pissed if he did.

“No, but we agreed that I couldn’t tell her that we dated. Well, no one can tell her we dated. That we were even in love.” What? Did he say in love? He paused, “It’s just so she doesn’t get confused. I can’t just tell her that she used to have feelings for me and expect her to have the same feelings now. She needs figure it out for herself. As much as I want her back in my arms, I can’t ruin anything that we might still be able to have again.” He paused again, as if he were catching a breath through his workout, “If I’ve waited three months to see her again, I can wait however longer it takes until were back together.”

They went quiet for a minute and I considered leaving the stairway hall just in case I would get caught. Derek spoke up, “I can tell she has a crush on me again, though. It’s like we’re meeting for the first time all over again. It’s adorable.”

Chris joked, “You know, you’re scaring me. You were normal when I saw you a year ago. Now you’re head over heels for someone.” They laughed quietly. I smiled to myself. So we weren’t just friends.

I silently slipped out of the door and went into the kitchen. I sat at the table and ate some Chips Ahoy! Cereal. I tried to eat more than usual. I was proud of myself afterwards for finally eating breakfast as I place my bowl in the dishwasher.

“Woah, you’re actually up.” I turned around to find Derek checking me out. His eyes were traveling from my thighs to my stomach. I blushed, this was the first time I was wearing something that wasn’t sweats or pajamas. The first time that I was actually showing skin.

I smiled, “Yep. I am.” I bit my lip for a moment and then realized I was being awkward, staring at Derek.

Chris walked into the room, “Good morning.” He nodded in my direction. I waved silently. I brushed passed Derek and walked downstairs.

Later that day I was back to finishing up the last book of Twilight. There was a knock on the door. I sat up and fixed my hair quickly, “Come in.”

I frowned when Daniel peeked in, “Hey, kiddo.”

“Hey.” I said with a bland tone, a bit sad it wasn’t Derek.

Daniel came in and closed the door behind him, “So your birthday is in less than two weeks.” He sat on the edge of my bed. My eyes traveled to his only gray chunk of hair contrasting with the dark hair then to his framed glasses, “Were you thinking of anything you wanted to do that day?”

I looked at my hands on my lap, “Maybe go out to dinner, but not for my birthday.” I said quietly.

He nodded, “The day before then?”

I shook my head, “No. Let’s go on my birthday, but were not celebrating my birthday.” I looked at the picture of my parents on my nightstand. Daniel followed my gaze. His eyes went sympathetic.

“Okay then. We’ll go for them.” He patted my shoulder, “How are you feeling?”

I shrugged, “Still frustrated, but besides that, I’m fine. Really.” I gave a small smile to convince him.

He looked at me for a while, “Okay, kiddo, dinner it is then.” He got up from my bed. Before he left my room he paused, “Maybe one of these days you should leave your room though. You know, hang out with this lame old guy.” He pointed to himself.

I gave a little laugh, “Sorry Daniel, I can only handle your jokes for so long.” I grinned at him. He laughed and then left me to continue reading.

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! So very good lionheart!!

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

I’ve been writing and writing and writing these past few days. I have a few more chapters coming but I can’t post them until I proofread them a few times. If you’re still with the story, I apoligize for the lack of posting. I will warn you all when I’m taking writing breaks. Most likely I will post for the next two weeks but I will have to take another small break eventually. I really love writing for this story because the characters and plot are so different from writing for the Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl. They are drastically different but this one is definitely a new kind of story for me to write. Well, I shall stop rambling. Here’s Chapter 6 for you guys. c:

Chapter 6

A week passed and I couldn’t help but wonder a lot of things about Derek. I wanted to know how we met. I wanted to know who I was to him. I wanted to remember what happened between us. It was fucking frustrating. I wanted to ask him, but I was too nervous too. Every time I saw him around the house, I had a strong urge to just ask him.

I walked downstairs to grab some cereal. Chris was going to get a new phone while Daniel was at work. As I walked by the living room, Skylar and Henry were putting on their coats.

“Hey, where are you guys off too?” Skylar glanced at me and then at the ground. I hardly ever saw her around the cabin, but when I did, she ran away. I can’t tell if she hates me or if she is scared of me.

Henry replied, “We’re going to Milwaukee for a conference. We’ll be back around 7 or 8 if we’re lucky.”

I nodded, “Cool. Well, see you guys later.” I walked to the kitchen. I heard a sizzling noise and a wrapper being torn. I stopped by the corner and watched Derek. I hid there for a moment, taking it the image of him cooking. He wore his sleeveless shirt that it seems like he never takes off. He had green plaid pajama bottoms on. I smiled, it was a nice sight to take in. I looked at the clock, it was only 10 in the morning.

I walked into the kitchen after watching him for a few minutes, “Good morning.” I said with a small geeky grin planted on my face. I reached up to the cupboard.

He turned around, “Good morning. Don’t tell me you’re having Chips Ahoy again.” He had a crooked grin on his face. I couldn’t help but let my eyes travel from his scruffy beard to his messy hair. He was all sorts of handsome.

I giggled, “You know me too well.” I blushed, embarrassed from letting such a stupid giggle escape me.

“I’ll make you an omelet. I promise it will be good.”

I closed the cupboard, “Okay, sure.”

“Really?” He seemed surprised.

“It better be good though.” I tried to not smile but failed miserably.

I stood there, leaning against the granite counter, watching him cook. He asked, “So do you know what you want for your birthday?”

I nodded my head, “From you, a lot of things.” The words came out of my mouth a bit more sassy than intended.

His eyebrows shot up as he looked at me, “Mhm? And what would those things be?” It was as if he had playful thoughts tugging at the corners of his mouth.

I jumped on the counter, sitting Indian position, “Well, first of all, I would like an omelet.”

He chuckled, “Oh really?” If this were a game of flirting, he would have one. He was too attractive for me to just sit there and not fall into him. How did I even date this man? I must have been the most whipped girlfriend the world could ever see. He would have gotten tired or annoyed with me in minutes.

“Second of all, I just want some answers for my birthday. That’s all. Honest answers. You know.” I watched him flip the omelet on a plate.

He nodded, “Okay. But after we eat.” His eyes held curiosity as he looked at me.

“This is the best omelet I have ever had.” I took a big bite and said with my mouth full, “I hate vegetables, but the vegetables in this aren’t bad.” His eyes were twinkling as a crooked smile was gently placed on his face, as if he had some humorous thought.

“And you doubted my omelet-making abilities.” Derek chuckled and then took a bite of his omelet.

I wiped my face with a napkin, “So, back to business.”

“Hey, hey, not so fast. I’m not done eating yet.” He said as he gave me a challenging look.

I was patient until he threw away his paper plate. He motioned for me to follow him up to his room. He closed his door to his room once we got in, which I thought was silly since no one was home anyways. I looked around his room. I had never been in it before, I’ve just caught small glimpses of it. It was surprisingly neat for a guy. I guess I just assumed most guys were more messy than I was. Maybe if Derek cleaned my own room, it’d actually look decent. Natural light casted in his room over his bed. He didn’t bother turning on the light since it was already bright. I sat on his bed in an Indian style. He sat on the edge and waited patiently.

“Do you promise to answer all my questions honestly?” I asked, surprisingly quiet.

Derek stuck out his pinky finger, “Pinky promise.” I blushed and wrapped my little pink around his longer one.

I nodded and looked out his window towards the forest of snow covered trees, “Did we date once upon a time?”

He smiled, almost in nostalgia, “Yes, we did, once upon a time.”

I met his still twinkling eyes, “How did we meet then?”

His fingers brushed his beard, “Before I answer your question, I need to know something.”

I pulled the sleeves of my maroon sweatshirt over my hands nervously, “Okay, ask away.”

“When we met, there was a secret you had and I caught you with it. There’s something that you’ve never told anyone, ever, well, besides me. It’s embarrassing for you, but I can’t tell you the story of how we met without it.” His eyes searched mine. I cocked my head to the side, confused.

“I-I don’t know.” I looked down at my hands, “I don’t know what type of secret. I don’t, uh-” I stopped in my tracks as I remembered one secret that I kept, that I knew I’d never tell anyone. No, there’s no way I could have ever told him. No way I’d ever tell anyone for that matter.

I shook my head, “Just tell me the story, I don’t care how embarrassing it is.”

He rose his eyebrows, “Are you sure?” Was it really that bad of a secret?

I nodded, trying to convince him that I’d be fine, “I’m sure.” What was it then? Something worse? I don’t think it could be any worse than liking to be treated like a toddler and wearing diapers. But I was 99.9% positive he didn’t know about that and I wasn’t about to tell him.

He propped himself with his elbows over his thighs and looked up at me, “I had a summer job at this place called Foodmart for a few weeks. One day me and my brother were out of a few things at our house so I went to Foodmart to get some milk and other things.” He looked at the ground, “Usually, every time I go to a grocery store, I like to hover around the baby and undergarments aisle, mostly just to pass by the infantile items. That day, I was blown away on what I saw in that aisle. As I passed the aisle, I saw you standing there. I stopped for a moment, hiding behind a shelving unit and I watched you for a while.” He smiled to himself and met my gaze, lost in some type of euphoria.

“You didn’t even notice me, you were too engulfed in the package in your hands.” No, no please don’t tell me. My body went rigid as I waited for him to say what I dreaded to hear. “You were holding a package of GoodNites.” I felt my face become hot. No, please don’t tell me it’s true. It can’t be.

He chuckled lightly to himself, “At first, I told myself that, no, that girl isn’t buying them for herself. It can’t be. Then I realized you had the ones that were in your size and you seemed quietly panicking, like you didn’t want anyone to know. Also, the GoodNites you had in your hands were the original designs and there were cuter Tinkerbelle designs right in front of your face. I couldn’t let someone walk away with the wrong item. Especially you.” He paused taking in my reaction. I could tell my cheeks were blazing red at that point.

“I walked closer to you and I asked you something along the line of ‘aren’t the Tinkerbelle ones better?’.” He chuckled to himself with a shake of his head, “I scared the shit out of you. You jumped and dropped the package of GoodNites. You were blushing rose red, just like you are now.” He looked at me under his lashes. I gasped lightly, almost inaudibly. He still had his crooked attractive smile over his face staring at me. Humiliation tore at me but, strangely, I couldn’t help but like it. I liked the way he was making me feel. Warm, fuzzy, and completely and undeniably embarrassed.

His eyes were watery from old memories, “You,” He paused, his eyes studying my face carefully, “You were the first girl to ever surprise me.”

I blushed, with a timid smile, “I highly doubt that.” There was no way a girl had never surprised him before. His eyes brows shot up in an ‘oh really?’ look. It brought butterflies to my stomach in an instant. I had to break our stare before my brain got too fuzzy that I’d pass out.

I met his eyes and he continued, “I asked you if the diapers were for you. I was expecting you to deny it, or walk away even.” He shook his head slowly, “But, no, you were honest. You said they were for you. I was immediately caught off guard. I didn’t know what clicked in that one moment at the time.” He looked down at his hands, thinking quietly.

There was a silence for a moment. It wasn’t one of those awkward moments where I never knew what to say or do. It was one of those moments when you knew what home felt like. You knew that wherever you were, home would be this moment, all wrapped up in one. Where home was fuzzy and warm. This was that. I didn’t know Derek all too well, but I knew the old Dakota was back in that moment. The old Dakota that knew Derek.

He met my eyes again, “But now, when I recall it, I know that that was the first time I began falling for you. I didn’t know it at the time, but I would fall fast and hard for you. And I did. I fell in love with all of your issues, all of your bad habits, all of your mistakes. I fell in love with you.” His eyes were watery, and I could tell he was trying hard not to cry. I wish I remembered everything in that moment. I wish I could bring the old Dakota back to say I loved him too.

I stared blankly back at him, not knowing what to do. I blinked.

He continued after he gathered himself, "I know I’m not in love with you now, because it’s not mutual. But I still love you. I will always love you. Even if you decided to fall for someone else, I will always be a call away. I don’t expect you to feel the same way again. I just want to see you get better. I want to make sure your okay. I can’t leave until I make sure. " I wanted to tell him that I did still want him. I just couldn’t. Something was holding me back. It wasn’t my time to get back together with someone who I had mangled feelings for. I needed to get better and that was the truth of everything. I was confused, depressed even. I just could hardly admit that to myself.

I didn’t know what to say; I was speechless. He spoke instead, “Did you have any other questions?”

I stood up, shaking my head, “No, not really.” I glanced at him and then down at the ground as I stood at his door. I looked at him, his face looked stone cold, pained. I didn’t want to leave him in pain, but I really didn’t have any other questions.

I said, softly, “Derek.” His watery sea blue eyes met my gaze, “Don’t worry about me falling for someone else. Memory or no memory, it can’t change the feelings I have and had for you.”

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

:o :o :laugh: :’( ;D

holy heart strings batman. dear lord wow.

i feel the need to comment so you know i’m reading and loving your story but i’m finding it difficult to form thoughts to that affect

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Why thank you! I love hearing feedback. Knowing that at least one other person is actually following the story gives me tons of motivation to keep on writing. I mean, I write for the story no matter if people like it or not but sometimes I get bored and knowing that someone is waiting for more chapters makes me inspired to write. I’m a HUGE fan of ABDL literature so it feels good to hear the feedback. I really do appreciate the comments though. I read every single one (I acknowledge I don’t respond and I apoligize.) but I do very much appreciate them. So thank you for that. :slight_smile:

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

I’m so glad there is more finally!!! I love this story! I read the first one but mostly skimmed it but by the end of the first part I was hooked and have been waiting for more!!! I loved these chapters and can’t wait for more chapters!!!

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Stellar work! So glad I get to see them fall in love over again. Your descriptions of Dakota’s ‘rediscovered’ feelings for Derek are absolutely adorable. As always, you have my rapt attention.

Plot-wise, I’d like to say we haven’t seen the last of Slender, and I look forward to seeing if and/or how he gets worked back in.

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Stunning work. Other than the usual typo hiccups, none of which disrupt the clarity of the thoughts, I have nothing to say but m0ar pl0x!!!

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Oooh, what should I say. Fantastic!

More please!

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Thanks for the feedback guys! I’ll try to fix as many errors as I can, I know sometimes there are a lot I miss, but it’s good to know it doesn’t disrupt the clarity of thoughts. I apologize for future errors but I will make sure that I proofread well enough before posting. When I was younger, I was always the worst at proofreading, but I’ve gotten somewhat better ever since- or maybe I just tell myself that.

That’s one of my favorite parts of writing the second part of Shattering Siberia, showing another side of feelings that Dakota has for Derek the second time around. Oh and, well, I wish I could tell you about Slender, but with time, you’ll find out.

Here’s a little late Christmas gift to you all. The warm and fuzzy chapters are coming back with vengeance. I hope you all enjoy this one. :slight_smile:

Chapter 7

I woke up sweating and gasping for air. I sat straight up in my bed, feeling dizzy, woozy even. I took my water bottle off of my night stand and drank large gulps of water until it was empty. I looked over at my alarm clock, hoping to see that it was close to 7 in the morning. I had an adrenaline rush and I didn’t think I’d be falling asleep anytime soon.

I looked over to my alarm clock, “Fuck.” It was only 2 in the morning. At least I fell asleep at 11. Three hours of sleep was good enough I guess.

I got off of my mattress and shuffled silently out of my room. I winced as my foot stepped on the hardwood floor and a small creaking noise came out. I silently stepped down the staircase, gripping the black railing, attempting to not make any more noise.

I waited until my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the first floor. The only thing illuminating the kitchen was the moons light. I opened the fridge, grabbing a water bottle. I stood in front of the large sliding glass door in the kitchen. My eyes fell over the dark wood deck to the trees stretching farther than the eyes can see.

As I looked at the lonely moon, I couldn’t help but ask myself questions that wouldn’t stop nagging me ever since I lost my memory. Who was I? Who am I now? I can’t help but feel as if I’m just a visitor in a body that isn’t mine. I feel lost. I feel lonely. I want answers that I will never know until I can remember them. I rather spend days and days reading books about lives that aren’t mine so I can ignore the gnawing sensation of depression. The more I think of my situation right now, I can’t help but pity myself. I can’t help but feel depressed and in pain. I have to remember to eat at breakfast, lunch and dinner so I don’t get any skinnier. When I do eat, I have to force myself to eat more than my stomach will allow. My mind is in so much anxiety and depression that it’s taking a toll on my body. It’s hard to eat; it’s even harder to think.

The life I used to live, the people who I knew; I don’t understand any of it. I don’t understand what let me tell some stranger, some undeniably attractive stranger at that, my deepest, most humiliating, secrets. I don’t understand how all the people I trusted crossed me. I don’t understand who would be so inhuman enough to create a pill that would ruin a life. My life. Did I deserve all of this? Maybe I did.

Tears fell quietly down my face as I sat down on the couch in the living room. The red and green lights on the Christmas tree blurred in my vision as soft whimpers escaped my mouth. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rocked back and forth on the couch, letting my silent whimpers rack my body.

“Why, why, why?” I shook my head, asking myself quietly. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. I wiped the watery snot on my sweatshirt.

More soft cries came in waves. I thought I was done crying five minutes later, but right once I thought I stopped, my vision blurred and fresh tears fell. It had been a few months since I had really cried. I guess that’s what happens when you keep all that pain and anger inside for too long. I deserved to have some time to cry.

“Dakota, are you okay?” A gentle hand lightly brushed my shoulder. Runny snot fell from my nostrils and my cheeks were wet with tears as I looked up at him. My hair was matted and my eyes were bloodshot. To say the least, I was a hot mess. I tilted my face up to find his eyes carefully studying me.

I blinked at him, desperately quiet, wanting nothing other than to be held. I didn’t know Derek as much but I knew I wanted his warmth. I wanted his attention.

It was as if he heard my thoughts. Maybe my twinkling eyes gave it away or maybe it was my pouting lips. In a blink of an eye, he dropped to his knees, arms wrapping around me. Hands caressing my hair, my back. He moved onto the couch next to me as new whimpers racked my body. I cried, hard. My head nestled into his chest. I could feel his heart beating in rhythm with my cries.

He quietly whispered calming things into my ear, “Everything will be better. I’ll make it better.” I wiped more snot from my nose. My nostril was tender from wiping it so much. My throat was hoarse and sore, as if I had strep, from the cries that wouldn’t stop.

“Shhh. Shhh. Shhhh.” Tears stopped falling. Derek was basically cradling me in his lap as my cheek was still pressed against his chest. I listened to the beat of his heart, quietly thumping. His fingertips brushed my hair behind my ear. I stared at the Christmas tree glowing in the dark room as Derek’s concerned eyes had never left my face. I didn’t want to meet his gaze, I was too humiliated too. Most of all, I was vulnerable. One look, and, poof, I would be a newborn puppy for Derek.

I gave in. My eyes met Derek’s as he stroked my hair. His twinkling blue eyes held the depth of the ocean. The unconditional love of a parent. Pain struck me but I had no more tears left to cry. I felt drained of everything I had left to give.

I coughed, my throat burning. Derek reached for the water bottle sitting next to me on the couch, “Here.” His patient eyes studied me. I stared at him for a moment. Then I took the water bottle and gulped down the whole bottle greedily as I laid on Derek. I met his eyes as I drank and he smirked, as if he were enjoying watching me drink my bottle of water. For this moment, I can tell he was a different type of guy from the ones I have met. He liked to hold people when they cried and watch them drink water like a hungry toddler. Wait. Toddler. Was that it? Was that why he was giving me that smile?

I had connected that he was okay with the whole diaper thing, but I highly, I mean highly, doubted he was okay with ever have to change my diaper or treat me like a baby. My brain couldn’t even wrap around an impossible idea like that. But then again, what was that look he was giving me? Why did he give this much affection? It wasn’t a normal way he went about things with me. It was not like I was just his girlfriend once upon a time. It was more than that. That look he was giving me told a whole other story he never mentioned to me.

Of course my emotions were drained. I was drained. I couldn’t even think of words. My throat still burned. My cheeks were dry and my nostrils were tender from wiping them.

“Sleepy?” Yep. I was his newborn puppy. I was vulnerable. Weak. I just wanted to be touched, wanted to be cared for. He was the one I wanted, so desperately, to continue holding me. I didn’t want to go to sleep, nor be alone again.

I nuzzled my cheek into his red shirt, “No.” My voice was scratchy, dry.

His hand went back to brushing my hair behind my ear, “I think you need some sleep. After all, it is your birthday. You need some sleep for later today.”

I sucked in air through my dry lips, “I can’t go to sleep.”

“Not tired? Too much thoughts? What’s wrong? I bet I can fix it.” I gave a giggle that I immediately wanted to take back. It was embarrassing enough to cry for a half an hour to Derek, but a stupid, girly giggle after all of that?

His chest rumbled with a chuckle. I stopped giggling and became pouty again, “I just don’t want to sleep alone tonight. Just tonight.” I said quietly, looking at the deer ornament on the Christmas tree.

“Daniel will kill me for saying this,” Derek said as if he were talking to himself. I tilted my head up to meet his eyes, “But, I’ll sleep with you in your bed tonight. If you’re okay with that?”

I nodded, trying to hide my smile, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Okay, well, let’s get up there.” He rubbed my shoulder. I got up slowly.

I said quietly, still acknowledging everyone was sleeping, “I’ll be up there in a second.” He nodded, his messy hair falling. His tired eyes and the smirk on his face made him eye-catching. I wanted to keep that image of Derek in my head forever. As he walked upstairs, I smiled to myself, happy that I get to spend the night with the most attractive, most sensitive man I’d ever met. I had to give credit to my old self; I found myself a damn good one.

I grabbed another water bottle from the fridge and felt the incredible urge to use the bathroom. I ran to the upstairs bathroom. I almost wet myself but I made it to the toilet just in time. I let out a sigh of relief. I couldn’t help but think, only if I had a diaper instead of boring underwear. I frowned as I pulled up my underwear and sweatpants.

I brushed my tangled, matted hair as I looked in the mirror. The face that stared back was a complete and utter mess. My cheeks were stained red from tears. The whites of my eyes were bloodshot. My pink lips were puffy. I brushed my finger lightly over my small indent on my chin as I looked at myself. It was a little indent that complimented my face. I guess I never really paid attention to it before.

I pulled my long brown hair to the side, pushing my long fringe behind my ear. I stared into my own moss green eyes for a moment. Trying to remember Derek, trying to figure out who I was. I gave up, because I was tired of caring about it. It was time to stop being frustrated with the past and move on with the future.

I snuck into my room and closed the door. My breathing hitched as I looked over to my bed. Derek laid in it, waiting patiently for me to climb in with him. He smiled, with his teeth, and opened his arms wide, as if an invitation.

I walked over and crawled on the bed, shifting into Derek’s awaiting arms. Derek reached over and turned off my lamp on my nightstand. We both got under the covers, my leg rested on his. My head nuzzled into his chest. His hand rubbed my back as we laid there in silence. I was tired, but I didn’t want to sleep. I had another question to be answered.

“So, um.” I whispered, shyly. My voice was croaky.

His nose was imbedded in my hair, “Hmm?” He seemed to like smelling my hair.

“This is a bit of an off question but, uh, am I still a virgin?” I asked awkwardly. I just really wanted to know. I was hoping I still was but with a man this attractive, I might just lose my grip of reality.

His chest rumbled with a chuckle, “Yes, of course you are. We never did anything other than kiss and cuddle.” His lips kissed my soft hair.

I smiled in the darkness, “Sorry, I just had to know.” At least it was dark so he wouldn’t see my blush. I could only handle so much embarrassment for one day.

“It’s fine. You should get some sleep, little one.” He said in my ear. A shiver went down my spine. A butterfly let loose in my stomach. Did he just call me little one?

“Okay, fine.” We shifted a bit, so I could rest my head on my pillow. His arm rested on my back, now caressing gently. I smiled, savoring his light, tickling touch. I wanted more of it. I wanted it to last a lifetime.

It didn’t last a lifetime though, because sweet, dreamy thoughts of Derek set my mind to rest. I fell into a delightful slumber where I had dreams that I wish were memories but they weren’t. I dreamed of my mom and dad. They saw me as I was on my birthday, proud of me. They were proud of who I became. That’s all I needed after a long year, a long life without them.

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

I want to read more.

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Great chapter!!! Can’t wait to read more!!

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

I had the most gigantic freak out of my life today when I turned on my computer and all my files were gone, literally NOWHERE on my computer. Mind you, I have 5 chapters ahead written for this story that I haven’t edited yet, but there would be no way in heck I’d be able to rewrite them. I had to wait an excruciating hour until my computer finally regained consciousness and behold, the file for Vaults of Siberia showed itself. Now I’m saving the file on my flash drive so its not a total loss when this happens or my computer decides to die on me.

In other news, I’m going to try to post when I can, but lately, school and work had kept me too busy to write. It’s a terrible excuse, I know, but I promise I will try my best. Never the less, here is one of my favorite chapters that I have written. Hopefully you enjoy it as much as I did writing it.

Chapter 8

Bright white light seeped into my room and awoke me from my dreamy sleep. A smile formed on my face as I stretched in my bed. My back cracked and my toes curled. I opened my eyes, adjusting to the light. I looked to my side and found Derek resting on his elbow, watching me.

“Hey, you.” He said in a husky, but attractive voice.

“Hey.” I said with a happier kick in my voice than usual.

“Happy birthday, Dakota. I wish I could stay and watch you sleep, but I have to leave before Daniel or anyone else sees me.” He gave a crooked smile. He quickly lunged, kissing the top of my head, and got up, “See you around, birthday girl.”

I gave a wide smile in my sleepy state. He slipped quietly out of my room and the moment he was gone, I wanted him back. I didn’t want anything materialistic for my birthday, I just wanted Derek. I wanted to cuddle with him for hours on end watching sappy movies on Netflix.

Later that night, before we went out to dinner, I was getting ready in my room. I pulled on some old black skinny jeans. I pulled over my head a light white cotton shirt. I brushed my wavy hair and scrunched it with some water so it would dry in nice waves. I applied some mascara and eyeliner. I grinned at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t much of a vain person, nor cared as much about my looks, but it felt good to look healthy, look happy even. I felt good for once. Good was such a vague word, but it was perfect to describe how I felt. I hadn’t felt good in a fucking long time.

I looked in the hallway, making sure no one was near my door to my room. Daniel and the rest of the pack were downstairs waiting for me, but I just had to make sure no one was around. I looked in my big mirror on my closet door. I pulled on my dark grey jean-like jacket and did a stupid happy dance in my room, bouncing up and down to try to get all my excitement out before leaving to dinner. My eyes twinkled as I looked back at myself in the mirror. My face was glowing and for once, I didn’t hate myself, I loved myself. It was sappy and stupid to say, but for someone who was depressed for so long, it felt good to be able to love myself momentarily.

I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear after I tried to calm down from bouncing around.

“I could watch you for hours and never get bored.” I jumped and turned my head to meet Derek’s eyes.

I blushed and crossed my arms timidly, “You didn’t just see that, did you?” He chuckled lightly and that was all I needed to know that he was watching me bounce around like an idiot for who knows how long.

“Maybe.” He grinned; showing his handsome smile, as if he now saw something that no one would ever get to see. Which was true, for the most part, no one would ever see me jumping around in excitement ever again, because next time I now know to close my door before I get all happy.

We were smiling at each other, quietly taking in the moment, before Derek spoke again, “We all were just waiting for the birthday girl, if she is ready that is. Or do you need another moment to bounce around like a little toddler?” I looked down, blushing into even brighter shades of red. I bit my lip, trying to hide the fact that butterflies were having a war in my stomach. That when he called me a ‘little toddler’ my heart stopped beating for a moment.

I met his eyes, which were playfully watching me. I stuck my tongue out at him to rebound from my embarrassment. I huffed, “Fine, let’s go.”

“I have to wake up at 4 tomorrow morning to catch my plane home for the holidays. I’ll be lucky if I can get to sleep at 2.” Chris said to Derek on the way to Garne’s Pizza. Henry, Skylar and Daniel were in Daniel’s suburban while Chris, Derek and I were in Chris’s truck. Since I was the small one, and was stupid enough to decide to ride with the guys, I was wedged in between Derek and Chris in the front of the truck. Derek stretched out his arm behind my headrest which gave me easy resting access if I decided to place my head on his chest. I resisted laying my head on Derek but I did lean on him the whole ride so I didn’t accidentally fall into Chris. I could tell Derek sprayed himself recently and I quietly tried intoxicating myself with his fresh evergreen scent. If I had one thing in this world to choose as my heroin, I would choose Derek’s cologne. I could live off of that stuff in a heartbeat.

“Damn, that’s not fun. You should have scheduled a later plane ride. I have mine scheduled for 10 in the morning so I don’t have to wake up that early.” My back stiffened. Derek was leaving? No, not now. Not when we were just getting to know each other again.

I asked quietly, “You’re leaving?” His eyes shifted down to me, he smiled, “Just for two weeks. I’ll be back for New Year’s Eve. I have to see my family, unfortunately, for Christmas.” He sighed, as if he really wasn’t looking forward to leaving.

“Is your dad still an asshole?” Chris joked, “Or has he miraculously changed into a person who actually cares?” They both laughed from some inside joke I didn’t understand.

Derek shook his head as he looked out the window, “I wish.” He paused, “Dad is still an asshole, but now he’s a sober asshole, which is even worse from what Luke has told me over the phone.” His dad used to be an alcoholic? What about his mom? Was his mother alright?

They were silent for a while. I watched out the window as we were on the road. My eyes scanned over the dark blue sky for the moon. I found it behind a cloud, hiding, waiting to show itself. I wondered about Derek. He didn’t really tell me much of himself. He only had told me about his brother, not his parents. Maybe he just didn’t like bringing up the whole ‘my dad was a drunk’ bit with a confused and somewhat messed up girl. I guess I was so lost in finding myself, I forgot about the people who actually cared about me and how much pain they must have been going through. I bit my lip quietly, feeling terribly selfish.

I found myself staring at the parmesan cheese shaker at Garne’s Pizza. I sat next to Derek at one end of table. I listened silently to everyone’s conversation as I pondered many thoughts that had been ignored for so long. Daniel and Henry were talking about some new watch that was being developed at the other end of the table. Skylar sat quietly next to Henry, staring at her phone. I listened into Derek and Chris’s stories of past adventures at summer camp. It intrigued my interest for a bit and then I slowly drowned out everyone’s voices as I stared at the parmesan shaker. I felt so happy twenty minutes before, what happened?

I looked out the window of the restaurant to see snowflakes falling. I smiled and got up from the table. I needed to take a moment to be alone, and outside was my best bet.

“Are you okay, Dakota?” Daniel asked concerned. Everyone looked up at me, wondering what I was doing.

I nodded, “Yeah, I’ll be back in a second.” I smiled, convincing everyone that I was fine. I ignored Derek’s eyes, so he wouldn’t see any deep thoughts betraying my eyes. For some reason, Derek was like a damn mind reader and I really didn’t want him to know what I was thinking.

I walked outside next to the brick wall of the entrance. I closed my eyes and stuck out my tongue, attempting to block out painful thoughts about wasted months in the Hybrid Institution. Block out the damn painful thoughts of how much I wish I could talk to my parents right now. Block out the thoughts of the pain Derek must have gone through and is still going through.

A light, cool flake fell on my tongue. I heard the chime of the door as someone else left the restaurant. I opened my eyes, finding Derek in his black coat standing in front of me. I looked at him and then at a flake falling right next to me.

Words tumbled out of my mouth without any thought attached to them, “How is your mom?” Derek looked caught off guard. He looked away, pain flashing in his eyes. I wish I could take away my stupid gnawing curiosity in that moment. I wish I wasn’t so stupid to ruin his night.

He cleared his throat, meeting my eyes again, “When I was nine, my mother found out she had stage 4 melanoma, skin cancer.” His eyes were watery as they reflected the glowing lights of the signs on the wall behind me. He went onto another tangent of his story, “My father was a good man. He worked hard and was a family man. After he found out, he went in a downward spiral. He lost hope, to say the least. He stopped caring about our family. He gave up.” Derek shrugged.

“He became an alcoholic. Luckily, my brother was recruited into the Phoenix just in time. Not so lucky for me, I had to take care of my dying mother. My father was never home, always leaving every chance he got. We didn’t have the money nor insurance to keep my mom in a hospital since the only extra money we had went to my dad’s beverages. So I was left to take care of her. I was only 9.” He cleared his throat again, as a tear fell down his face. He closed his eyes.

He opened them to meet my eyes, “She passed away one night while she was sleeping a few days after I turned 12. I remember going to her room the next morning with her breakfast in my arms, as I did every morning before school, and she looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to wake her.” He smiled as more tears fell, “But I tried to wake her, and she was long gone.” He nodded to himself with a pained expression, “I like to think she died in her dreams. I like to think that the night she died, she had the best dream of all that night. I like to think that she didn’t feel alone that night.”

He paused, taking in my reaction, “After I called 911, I promised her that I would never turn out like my father. I promised to never become someone who didn’t care about someone else.” He laughed through his tears, “And for years, I tried to be the exact opposite of my father. I wasted so much time trying to not be my father, that I couldn’t stop for a moment and realize that I would never become him. I cared too damn much about people to turn into someone like that. I care for people, that’s what I do. I protect them. I love them. I don’t abandon them when times get rough.” His tears stopped, but his fist was clenched and I knew he was still in pain. There was a new side of Derek that I had never seen before. The wall that was always up was gone and I could see a scared kid that turned into a person who was the man standing in front of me. All the questions I still didn’t understand about Derek, why the way he was, was all answered in that moment.

A tear fell down my face and I brushed it away. I stepped closer to Derek. He looked down at me, with his watery sea blue eyes. One corner of his mouth went up slightly through his pained state. I went on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek before I hugged him. There were no words to say. Derek just wanted someone to listen and I understood that feeling. The feeling of wanting to be heard. No words were needed, just the touch of someone else to know that you felt at home. I owed that to him. The man who waited patiently for me for months of torture deserved that and so damn much more.

His hand rubbed my back as I stood there hugging him. He smiled as he whispered into my ear, “We’re even now.”

I pulled away to look into his eyes in question, “How so?”

“You once told me something that you never had told anyone. You know…” He winked. His eyes were twinkling again and he looked as if he never even cried. I was surprised at how quickly he rebounded.

I smiled, raising my eyebrows, “Oh, come on, you’ve told Chris at least about your parents, haven’t you?” I cocked my head at him.

“I’ve never really told anyone about it, well, not like I told you. I told Chris a vague amount, just as I told my brother. My brother doesn’t know what really happened at home while he was away. He still thinks that our dad took care of our mother.” He shrugged, “I will never have a strong relationship with my father but that doesn’t mean I should ruin it for my brother.”

I nodded, looking down at his dark green sweatshirt trying to process all the things he’s told me. I felt so guilty that I acted as if I had a difficult time when Derek, this whole time, was fighting a battle every day.

A tear fell down my face. Great, now the fucking unstoppable waterworks that always decided to flow whenever I found myself in Derek’s arms were back.

Derek pushed strands of hair behind my ear, “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head and locked eyes with him. I laughed lightly through tears, “I don’t know who’s more broken, me or you.”

Derek laughed along with me with watery eyes, “Sometimes I wonder who’s saved who, me or you.” I blinked. I always felt so selfish knowing that Derek was always caring about me, but I never considered the possibility of me actually helping him though rough times, rough thoughts. Maybe I wasn’t just a silly girl who likes diapers. I felt selfish for wanting to be babied for so long but never giving anything in return. Maybe I was someone who had an actual purpose to this thing called life. Maybe, just maybe, I affected someone else’s life, rather than just my own.

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Have you heard of dropbox? It is a good way to have off site file storage. Also USB flash drives are easy to lose.

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

I have Dozens and would Not lose any
I keep most in Pill/Prescription vials,as well as a small Box.
The containers make losing any Rare.
Too large a container to Miss!!!
(3 of those containers are with me at the Library right now!!!

Audio/Video files are spead among at lest 20 so Far!!!
Smallest capacity is 4GB
Max one is 64. Most are 26 & 32 each!!!

Also, I believe many still come with a Lanyard or strap to secure them
to your wrist, Neck, belt pr even Key-chain.

How you store them will determine the likelyhood of loss!

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Great new chapter. I understand if it can take time with school and work, so take you time.

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

Love this story!! Can’t wait for the next chapter!

Re: Vaults of Siberia [Shattering Siberia Part II]

I really hope you continue this story!!! It is one of my favorites!!