Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

UPDATE May 6th, 2014 I changed my username from Snowbunny to Lionheart. Just in case any of you were wondering.

Hi, guys. This story is very fragile to me. I know from reading the first chapter you may not understand why I took some of the routes I did compared to the other stories I have written. I have a warning for I know some people don’t approve of some of the different topics in it. Fortunately, this story will bloom as more chapters come, but I want you to know that it will have drugs, alcohol, etc. However, it will fade away at some point.

I want to introduce people to something that’s very hard for me to show to a lot of people. I wanted to make an ABDL story based from a person you wouldn’t expect or wasn’t the usual ABDL character that is portrayed in most stories. I also wanted to bring up some touchy subjects that are very near and dear to me while writing this story. I want to introduce the truth to my audience who don’t understand what influences people to do the things they do. That’s all I can say for now without giving out too much.

Warning: This story does contain alcohol, drugs, etc. This is not based upon the alcohol, drugs etc. However, it does not contain hardcore drugs. It is an ABDL based story.

Part 2 of the Awkward Teenage Girl series can be found here:


To be quite honest, I didn’t know what to title this. What can you title yourself? If you’re awkward and trying to find yourself this story may not be for you. I haven’t found myself, yet at least. I’m in the process of it. I really can’t give you an introduction that will supply your need of who I am and what you’re going to be told. Moderately I will just be telling you my journey and you can take whatever you can about me and make it into your own viewpoint.

Chapter 1

“Jasper, whatcha doing packing your bags?” Little 6 year old Laura said as she stood in the doorway with her teddy bear in hand. I think out of the whole orphanage I’d probably miss her the most. I may not be a good role model to kids, but she was the only kid that felt like family here.

I smiled, “I thought I told you a month ago. I’m going away for the year.” Her little brown eyes scrunched and she began pouting. Oh no, not the water works. I don’t think I could take this. Shit.

“Buh. Where are you going to go then? I’m gonna mish you and stuff and I’ll have no one to sleep with at night when I have bad dreams and- and-” And that’s when she began wailing loudly and the tears fell down.

“Hey, no. I’ll be back next summer. You know how badly I’ve wanted to get away from here. I have to, okay?” She shook her head. She didn’t understand how it was to be an outcast. She’d only been here a good year. Laura would be adopted. I, on the other hand, will not. Most likely someone will try to make me stay at a foster home. I dread the idea completely. I mean, I hate myself, but not enough to accept going to a foster home.

You see, I wrote this essay to get a scholarship for this dorm school a while back. I was actually accepted(Probably for the fact that I was an orphan, pity always wins.). The dorm school was called Ridgeway Creek located in Kingman, Arizona. It was far enough away from the boring place I grew up in of Columbus, Indiana. I didn’t like the fact of sharing a room with a stranger, but it was definitely better than any foster home. At least it was supposed to be another girl around my ripe age of 16.

After I calmed down Laura, Ms. Madoleon came in to check if I was finished and Laura left. There wasn’t much to pack that I had. Thank god I that some of the orphanage girls donated their shorts and tank tops to the Jasper Cord clothes charity. I really didn’t have any clothes that would be good enough for the hot weather there. Of course I packed for any weather anyways.

Ms. Madoleon said, “Well, your plane ride leaves at 9:30, so we have to get you to the airport in the next two hours. Once you arrive there, there will be a caretaker waiting that will drive you to Ridgeway Creek. Got that?” Oh god I hate her. Now I have to spend another hour and a half listening to her nag me about being my best at this new school.

I just nodded my head. I quietly went through the whole process of getting to the airport, getting on the plane, arriving at the Phoenix airport in Arizona and finally going with the caretaker Sharon. I tried to be on my ‘best behavior’ as I sat nodding off for four hours until I got to the school.

Ridgeway Creek’s gate slowly came into view and I got a bit anxious. I was really hoping I won’t have to be social to anyone or have any issues. Then again, I always seem to have issues with someone or end up getting into trouble. I never mean to though. It just kind of happens.

When I imagined dorms, I was thinking there would be a whole two sections for girls and boys, but at here it was different. I walked up the stairs and there was the guys side to the right and girls to the left. Room 213 was in the first row that was in the circle of dorms with the staircase. It was like a loft circle where you can see a little couch area set up underneath where a group of kids were hanging out. Room 213 was right across from the guys’ rooms you could see on the other side of the staircase.

I say good bye to Sharon as I take my bags up to my dorm room. I really hope I don’t have a strict roommate or an annoying one. As I open the door of glorious room 213 I can’t help but cringe at the possibilities.

I walk in and it seems to have no one in it. It looks as if the other girl was already in there, as I was expecting for being one of the late arrivals. I set my bags down on the empty twin bed and can’t help but look around at what the other girl has settled in with. Her bed has a quilt over her bed, a plaid pillow and a few old bears. It doesn’t look like she got settled down much besides some books and a laptop. I looked at my stuff and began unzipping my bag with my pillows and bed stuff. I made my bed and was done for get settled in for the hour.

I knew Ms. Madoleon kept stressing about going to the principal’s office at the school to talk to the campus’s supervisor. So I guess his place was my next mission. As I approached the principal’s office at the school grounds I could hear an overexcited old man talking on a phone. I guess that was supposed to be the supreme supervisor person.

“Yes. Mhm… Oh okay. Well I will talk to you later, I’m busy now unfortunately.” He pointed to the seat in front of him. “Goodbye.”

He cleared his throat, “Hello, I’m Mr. Libel, and what can I do for you young lady?” He folds his hands on top of his desk.

“Uhm. Ms. Madoleon told me to come here after I got settled in. I’m new here.” I looked into his old blue eyes and couldn’t help but see his bald spot on the top of his head.

“We had a freshman orientation. Were you late? Freshmen were supposed to come at 9 for the orientation. I’m guessing you didn’t get the letter?” His hawk eyes had a look of authority. It made me a bit pissed off about his annoying gaze.

“I’m not a freshman. I’m a sophomore.” I tried to not glare back.

“Oh. Yes. Sorry about that. What’s your name again?” He never asked my name the first time. Hmmph. I already don’t like him.

“Jasper Chord.” He opened a drawer and pick through some files until he found the one he was looking for and handed it to me.

“Here’s the student hand book and a map of the school and the campus. Also there are papers about school rules and whatnot. I just need you to sign this sheet about the rules and then we’re all set.” He gave a smile as he slid a pen and a paper with words I didn’t even attempt to read. I signed it and slid it back.

“Well, Jasper, I hope to see more of you and welcome to Ridgeway Creek. Keep to your academics and be at your best behavior so we won’t have any problems.” He smiled some more and I gave a little smile back. I left back to the dorms hoping to just sit and do nothing for the rest of the day.

As I approached my dorm I could hear someone in the room and the door was creaked open. I went in and found a skinny tall girl shoving clothes in her drawer. The girl turned around, and smiled while approaching me with her hand stuck out and said, “Hi! You must be my roommate. I’m Silver.”

I shook her hand and said, “Hi. I’m Jasper.”

We looked over each other since we would have to live with each other for the next 8-9 months. She was pretty. She had brown eyes and short brown hair. She had a ski slope nose and some freckles.

“So are you new here? I’ve never seen you before. Unless you’re a freshman, but they usually don’t pair up freshman with sophomores.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I’m new. I’m just a sophomore. First year here.” We nodded at each other as she went to close the door.

“Oh. Okay. Well since you’re new, I guess I’ll be the one explaining things around here. Are you rich or did you get here by scholarship or something?” She asked me with judging eyes like she didn’t know what to think of me yet.

“I got here on scholarship. Is that bad or something?” I asked her shyly as her eyes scanned me.

“No. It’s not. There are just a few different groups here at this school. There are the usual preps/snobs like every school has. Then there are the kids who want to be here. Then there is my group, the ones who are here to have a good time. We get into a bit of trouble at times but we have our fun. I just am wondering which group will scoop you up tomorrow when school starts. You are really beautiful, you know.” She says this all with confidence that I wish I had. I just nodded my head because I really have no idea how to respond to such a cliché subject.

At my old school I was never part of one group. I just had friends that I smoked and drank with. There was nothing that really separated that. I hope by ‘good time’ she means what I’m thinking. If not then I just seem like a druggie. I’ll just let her say it first if anything. I don’t think people do marijuana on campus hence I won’t have much friends here.

I kind of blushed when she called me beautiful. I never considered myself pretty. I never do anything to make myself be that way. I find my green eyes dull and boring. I have a little bump on my nose that I wish disappeared. My brown and black hair just falls wherever it wants. I brush it so my side fringe goes okay but the rest of my hair is pretty long and just falls in waves and sometimes curls if I scrunch it. I’m nothing too special.

All I said was, “Um, well thanks.”

She went back to shoving her clothes into her dresser. “What do you listen to?”

I hate the question. It’s so general. It can to refer to bands, songs, or the genre. “Eh. Alternative music, usually. You?”

“Same. What’s you’re favorite band?”

"I don’t really have one. " An hour went by talking about general things. The more we talked, the more I grew to like her in one hour. She was kind of quirky in her own way but I liked it. Silver seemed to be like my old friends. We were both sixteen, but she was a few months older. She was from Idaho and she got a scholarship to the school like me but began Freshman year and not late like I did.

I actually got really comfortable with her pretty damn fast surprisingly. She was calm and not bitchy like most girls are. She wasn’t mean, snobby, or that judgmental. She didn’t seem to talk about other girls or anything. She was more into music and actual issues rather than business that wasn’t hers. She had to leave her boyfriend in Idaho and I guess they said they were going to take a break in their relationship until she got back.

“Do you have a boyfriend in Indiana?”

“Nope.” I actually never dated anyone before. I mean, I had little kid boyfriends, but that was all. Silver looked surprised.

“Wow. Well. Maybe this year you’ll find one. Don’t worry I’ll steer you away from the bad guys. I have your back.” She winked at me. I didn’t really want nor need one, considering how mentally fucked up I am.

I laughed a little, “Haha. Well I don’t really need one, I like being alone.”

Silver giggled, “That’s when you know you do need one when you say ‘alone’ instead of ‘single’.” She smiled.

“Nuh-uh.” I placed the last of my clothes into my drawer. I was finally done unpacking. I looked over at Silver and she had a box that had microwaveable stuff in it and I saw something else in it that she immediately began to hide under her bed. I was relieved instantly.

“So is there somewhere you can smoke that on the campus or do you have to go off campus?” I grinned as she looked at me questionably. Her composure changed to horrified to surprised.

“You smoke weed?” She asked me like she was surprised. Did she really think I was a straight-edged type of girl? I nodded my head and pulled out my bowl from a secret compartment of my bag. Her eyebrows went up and she began laughing.

She rolled on her bed almost in tears laughing hard, “I thought I was fucked. God damn you. You scared the shit out of me. I thought you would rat on me the moment you saw that. Oh… God.” I began laughing too.

“What happens if you’re caught?”

“No one’s ever been caught. I’ve had some friends get caught smoking cigarettes on campus and all they had was community service. We won’t get caught though. There’s a place on campus that no one goes but us. We’ll smoke tonight and you’ll see.” I just nodded. I was thinking that there was a forest kind of place behind the dorms that would be a good spot.

Silver said, “Have you met the Hawk yet?”

I shook my head, “I don’t know. Who’s he?”

“He’s Mr. Libel, but we named him the Hawk because he thinks he’s a total badass. He’s the supervisor of the campus. He’s also the one who you talk to when you get into trouble. I can’t even stand him. Ugh.”

“Oh, him? Gawd. I met him. He doesn’t seem too charming if you ask me.” We both nodded in agreement. At least I wasn’t the only one who thought so.

My stomach rumbled, I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast. “When’s dinner at?” I could eat a horse and a half at this point.

“Dinner starts at five, and ends at 6:30. We can go in twenty minutes.” I just nodded off. I was kind of tired and I was wondering if I could ever take a nap here.

There was a knock on the door and Silver yelled, “Come in.” The door opened and a few guys walked in.

I sat up from my laying position so I wouldn’t look like a bum. These guys were kind of attractive. They looked older than just being our age.

The guy with the brown curly hair, dark brown eyes and bad acne said, “Hey, just thought we’d stop by and see what’s up.” He looked at me and said, “Oh. I didn’t know there was someone else in here. Sorry.” He scratched the back of his head.

“Were just getting settled, but nothing really.” They nodded and she introduced me, “Oh, Jasper, this is Jason, Greg, and Ben. Guys this is Jasper.” Jason was the one with the bad acne and was a bit on the short side. Greg had dark blue eyes and was tall and lanky with blonde curly hair. He looked like he skated. Ben was pretty tall too. He had his ears gauged and had dark brown eyes. His hair was dirty blonde and cut short.

I said hi to them and was happy to get into the right crowd for once. At home I wasn’t good at fitting in but hopefully I can have a good time here. We all talked until dinner and I found that Greg was actually really funny along with Ben. Greg was handsome in his own weird way. Jason seemed extremely out of it and kind of like a stoner. I was okay with it though. I mean, I smoke weed but I wouldn’t consider myself a stoner or anything.

We walked to the dining hall which was a cozy little building by the dorms. When we walked in and there were long wooden tables scattered evenly among the hall. The hall was a nice maroon color that complimented the tables. The place smelled pretty damn good. I could smell garlic bread and some type of marinara sauce.

Greg said, “Mmm. I could go for some spaghetti right now. Hell yes.” I nodded. We all grabbed plates and filled them with spaghetti, garlic bread, and extra items if we wanted. They sat down at one of the table in the middle of the cafeteria and I followed, sitting by Silver.

I watched as more teens filled into the cafeteria. I looked down at my plate and realized I forgot my fork. I got up and walked over to get one.

“Need a fork? Hm?” Someone handed a fork to me.

I took it and looked up. My breathing hitched. Piercing blue eyes stared back at me. He was very handsome. He had short dark brown hair, but a bit longer to mess with it. He was really tall, well to me at least. He was over six feet tall, compared to my 5’2 height he was more than a foot taller than me.

I blushed. He was smirking at me as I stared up at him. “Uhm. Eh. Thanks.” I turned around, embarrassed and walked back to my table where Silver was sitting.

I could feel how red my face was. I hid under my hair and tried to find where he was sitting in the cafeteria. I soon found him walking back to his seat. He definitely had some muscle and was very attractive, to me at least. He was wearing ripped light blue jeans and a dark grey v-neck that complimented him very nicely. I couldn’t stop trying to sneak glances at him as he talked to his friends.

Silver traced my glances to him and looked at me, “What did he say to you?” She asked concerned like it was something bad.

I just shrugged, “He just gave me a fork. Who is he?”

Silver began, “His name’s Colt. He’s a junior. Don’t start to like him. He doesn’t date anyone anyway. He’s our enemy.”

That confused me. Enemy? Also, why doesn’t he date? I snuck another glance at him and that’s when he caught me. His piercing eyes stared at me across the room and I looked down at my unfinished plate.

“Silver, what do you mean by enemy?” I didn’t get it.

Silver looked at Ben, Greg, Jason, and this other girl named Leah like they had their own secret. Ben said, “If she’s going to be part of our group you’re going to have to let her know about the pranking.”

Silver nodded and looked back at me, “Well. At here we prank each other. Not ‘we’,” She motioned to Ben, Greg, Leah, and Jason, “but them.” She pointed at Colt’s table. There were about six of them sitting together with one girl and a bunch of guys.

“You see. It’ll be pranks like egging someone’s car or TP-ing a dorm room. Were more creative than that but you get the gist of it. They will prank us and then we’ll get them back even worse. Last year, Steve and his little crew pulled the first prank on us. So this year were going to get them first. We hate them though, so you don’t want to be friends with them. Got it?” I nodded.

I looked at the table with the guy named Steve and Colt. Some of the guys turned around and looked at us. Greg said, “Now you got them looking at us. Good one, Silver. I think they know it’s on again.” Silver punched Greg in the arm. Colt and I’s eyes met again as his whole table looked at ours. His mouth went into a smirk. I blushed and looked down.

Later on in the day around 8 we went to the forest area behind the dorms. It was pretty quiet and a bit creepy with just me and Silver. We went to a spot where there were a few big rocks and a pond. I sat down on the rock and brought out the bowl.

“It’s kind of tradition now to smoke out here the first day since last year was the first time I ever smoked with my sister. She was a senior last year. Man, I miss her. She was the one who began all this pranking stuff.” She lit the bud as she took a hit and passed it to me. I nodded and took a big hit. Good way to start the year if you ask me. I didn’t know the first day would be this great. Little did I know this wasn’t the end.

I exhaled the smoke, “Why did you say that Colt doesn’t date earlier?”

She laughed, “You have a crush on him already? He is handsome, I must admit. He’s never asked anyone out since he’s been here. Every girl that has asked him out, he’s denied. He even denied my sister. She was beautiful if you ask anyone that knew her. She got any boy she wanted. He must be gay.” I looked down wondering if he was.

We took a few more hits and after five minutes we heard people approaching. Silver stuffed to bowl into her jacket. The weed was finally taking effect to my mind and definitely slowing me down at this point. Someone blinded me with a flashlight and I couldn’t help but cough.

“Lookie what we have here boys. Two girls sitting around our spot. I wonder what they’re up too.” I could see a bit that it wasn’t the Hawk and it was just a few guys looking at us. I looked a bit more and saw the Steve guy. Next to him were Colt and another guy who I didn’t know.

Silver said, “Oh, fucking Jesus Christ Steve. Can’t I fucking smoke out here without you annoying the shit out of me? What the fuck dude.” Silver got up and took my hand.

“Come on, Jasper, let’s leave these idiots.” She scoffed at them. I was too shy in Colt’s presence to say anything. I made a squeaking noise that I didn’t know I could make.

Steve said, “Hey, now. We just wanted to smoke here. How about you guys finish here? We’ll even share some puffs if you two stay. Come on. We can’t be pranking each other forever. We just want to make peace with your guys.” Silver hesitated and looked at me for approval. I just shrugged and sat back down.

Silver sat next to me, “Okay. But you better not pull anything. I’ll fuck you up if you do.”

Steve put up his hands in defense, “Okay. We’re not going to do anything. We just want to start this year right. Smoking with some pretty girls shouldn’t do any harm. Right?”

I watched as Colt sat on a rock a few feet from mine and ignored Steve’s compliment. I looked at him Vans he had on. He had god damn huge feet. It contributes to his tall self.

Steve lit up his bowl and took a hit. Then he passed it to Colt. When Colt passed it to me our hands touched and he gave me another one of his smirks. I blushed and took it. Just to think that my lips get to touch where his once landed is actually a good thought. I didn’t want to date him. Even if he was gay, I still would think he’s a tad intimidating but in a good way.

I took a hit and knew I was going to be stoned by the end of the night. I passed it to Silver and she winked at me. I felt myself blush some more. I’ve never blushed this much in a day. Jesus. I tried not to think that a very attractive man was sitting next to me. I tried my hardest to not look at him. Steve began telling jokes about the Hawk and we were all laughing.

I was so stoned I couldn’t even separate one thought from the next. I couldn’t help but keep glancing at Colt and his blue eyes that gleamed in the darkness. He kept smiling at me. No, I believe it was smirking. I tried my best not to be all over him as many girls have I’m guessing.

Silver nudged me, “Jesus Christ. How did Steve’s jokes about the Hawk end up in you and Colt gawking at each other?” I began giggling. I don’t know what I was giggling about but I couldn’t stop. Colt just watched me. The worst part is I didn’t even deny my gawking. He was so damn hot. I knew he’d never like an awkward loser like me, but it doesn’t mean I can’t gawk.

We had to leave around 10 and I couldn’t believe we wasted two hours in what seemed like two minutes. I wanted to hang out with them still but Silver kept pulling me away.

Colt said, “Can I at least get a hug goodnight?” Silver rolled her eyes.

I blushed and looked down. Colt had his arms waiting for me. I fell into him and I think I nuzzled my head a little. I didn’t mean to but I was very sleepy. He chuckled and we held it for a good minute.

I giggled and pulled away, “Goodnight, Colt.” I grinned up at him and he gave me a warm crooked smile back.

My dreams were very choppy. All I remember is hearing the words, “He doesn’t date.” I heard them over and over again. I woke up groggily with the alarm at 6 echoing in my ear. The realization hit me that I knew he doesn’t. I know I’m the last thing anyone would ever want. I took a shower real quick and scrunched my hair and looked at myself in the mirror. I might as well put a little eye liner and mascara on.

What the fuck happened last night? First of all, I don’t like Colt. I was just stoned and being stupid. It meant nothing. I sat down on my bed and thought as I waited for Silver to get ready so we could go and eat breakfast.

She came out and said, “I can’t believe that happened last night. You can’t tell the other guys. You know that, right?” I didn’t know why they would care but I just nodded my head. She looked relieved after that. I guess she just needed clarification.

Silver said, “Wow. Colt was actually flirting with you. I’ve never seen that before. Heck. I’ve never seen him flirt with anyone before. He didn’t even flirt with my sister. Damn. I still can’t believe that even happened.”

I nodded, “Me either. Does he really not flirt with anyone? Or are you just saying that to make me feel better? It didn’t seem like he was flirting. I don’t know.”

“Well. Yeah, Jasper. He never asks girls for a hug. He doesn’t even acknowledge girls when they are in front of him. I know I keep bringing my sister up, but she was seriously pretty. Everyone looked up to her when she went here. Even the snobs did, and it surprised everyone when he turned her down for the turnabout dance. After that, no one dared to ask him because if someone turned her down then there was no chance for the rest of us. Here I have a picture of her on my phone somewhere.”

I was sitting there stunned. I just said, “Hmmph.”

Silver was clicking through her phone and then gave me it to see, “You see, there’s Naomi. I’m a fucking social outcast compared to her. I love her to death but I hate when people compare me to her.”

She rolled her eyes as I looked at the picture of her sister. She was one of those strikingly gorgeous blondes and what guys would deem as ‘hot’ with the blue eyes and tan skin. Why wouldn’t Colt like a ‘sexy’ girl like that? Honestly. I can see why other girls wouldn’t ask him out if he turned that down. They seem like they would have made a good couple.

“Well, I don’t like him. So it doesn’t really matter. Its whatever.” I just tried to waive the stupid situation off.

Silver’s mouth gaped at me and she stared at me in utter shock. “Okay Jasper. Keep telling yourself that.”

I laugh a little, “I’ve only been here for one day, let me get used to the place before I go around having stupid crushes on people who will never like me back.”

Silver rolled her eyes and said, “Come on, let’s go eat. I’m starving.”

Breakfast rolled by and on came my first period where I got my schedule. I hated almost all of my classes besides Painting, Chemistry, and study hall. I was happy to find Colt in Painting and Chemistry classes. I like having an art class because it gives me time to do something I actually am decent at and also I can see Colt. In study hall I could sleep so I was fine with that too.

In Chemistry our first day we had a ‘fun lab’ as the teacher described it. “For the first day I’ll be nice and let you pick your lab groups. If you decide to be loud then I will pick your lab groups for you.” Mrs. Belington said.

In the corner of my eye I saw Colt’s eyes trained on me. I turned around and looked at him and he chuckled. The other guy named Sebastian that smoked with us the night before was in our lab group too. We basically just hung out the whole class and talked about random things. I tried not to flirt and look uninterested and not gawky. Colt kept looking at me under his long lashes and it was hard not to blush when I got distracted.

After lunch in 6th hour he was in my Painting class and we got to sit wherever. I sat at a table in the corner alone. Colt seemed to have some friends in that class and sat at another table. Silver walked in and I was so happy to have her in at least one of my classes. I grinned and she sat at my table.

Steve said, “Oh great, you two at one table. Trouble is amongst us brothers.” He talked loudly at Colt’s table as we all laughed.

Mr. Viegel interrupted, “Mr. Bail, are we going to have issues again this year?” Steve looked at Mr. Viegel and kept quiet for the rest of the class.

After school I was so tired. Everyone was hanging out in the dining hall and I just wanted to nap. I just told Silver I was going to sleep while they hung out. I was too tired. I plopped on my bed and napped for an hour just tired of the new day.

The week went just the same as the first day, except me and Colt stopped talking. On Thursday night I went to sleep wondering why he flirted with me and why he was ignoring me now. I just don’t understand boys.

On early Friday morning I awoke in the most alarming way possible. I felt as if I were thrown into water. I opened my eyes and found that was what was actually happening. I began swimming and found I was in the lake behind the dorms.

I coughed, “What the fuck!” I swam to the rocks and could see two forms walking away; it looked like Steve and someone else. I was cold and shivering and they didn’t even leave a fucking towel.

I walked back inside to my dorm room cold, clammy and crying. Silver woke up and turned on the lamp. She wrapped a towel around me, “Hey now, what happened?”

“They threw me in a fucking lake. Why the fuck would they throw me in a lake at 3 am in the morning? This is not funny.” I wiped away my tears, sniffing up at Silver.

Silver got pissed off and yelled in the most hushed voice she could so it wouldn’t wake anyone, “WHAT. THEY THREW YOU IN A LAKE? WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE PROBLEM? Can’t they see how small you are? You’re fucking sitting here crying and this is their first big prank? That’s it. The games are on. We’ll get them back. I promise.” The most mischievous look spread across my face. Oh, there will be glorious payback for throwing me in the lake.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

Interesting start. I like it so far and look forward to more. It was a good length and good pace. I felt a little overwhelmed with being introduced to so many characters and names, but it gets easy to see who we need to floor by the end of the chapter.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

Hey, thanks! Of course the characters will back in and out of the story as it progresses but yes, some do get pushed out of the main group. I’m having a fun time writing this and I hope you guys are enjoying it as much as I’m writing it. Chapter two was fun to write because I’ve come to like writing for the characters in Chapter 2 more than I thought I would. I’m happy to get the first two done so now the real fun starts.

Chapter 2

Exactly two weeks later we took our plans into action. On Thursday night we went upon our missions we assigned each other. Only Silver and I were doing them since it was a personal revenge on Steve and whoever else was with him that night. Silver’s friends just laughed at me when we told them what happened so we felt they didn’t need to help on this prank.

I want to blame Colt for the other person but I honestly couldn’t see who else was out there. I still glared at Colt and Steve the next morning after being thrown in the lake and just decided to have my own personal vendettas on them. Colt didn’t even attempt to glance at me the next morning but Steve had this huge grin spread across his face when I glared at them.

I woke up Friday morning and couldn’t help but giggle wondering who had the hair gel in the guy’s dorm. Silver told me that it was a bit sketchier of a prank than she had seen in a long time, but I felt the need to get them back in the best way possible: something they’d remember whenever they looked in the mirror. Silver said she’d carry out on the other idea since she was the ‘expertise’ in the category. I guess it went better than we thought it would since she came in last night laughing her ass off.

“Oh. My. God. If you saw Steve’s mustache you would’ve laughed your ass off. I think he’ll probably shave the rest of it off once he sees it, but it turned out so good!” Silver started cracking up again and I wish I saw it.

In the past three weeks since I’ve been here Steve grew out a beard and a mustache. He explained in art that it was to ‘attract the ladies’. I got annoyed about it and later that day I joked about the idea of shaving his mustache into a Hitler mustache. Silver began laughing and got serious and said, “Let’s do it. Seriously. Let’s do it at the end of this week.” Hence what we did last night.

I cowered out because I didn’t think I could get away with it. Also for the fact that I’d probably cut his lip on accident and I think he’d wake up. Silver said she’s forcefully shaved her old boyfriend’s mustache off before out of pure annoyance of the roughness when she kissed him. She said she could do it fast enough on Steve so she did.

Silver told me I should contribute to another prank. I began thinking of a silly prank like in Big Fat Liar where they put dye in the shampoo. We knew that Colt and Steve were roommates so if we just switched it out then someone would end up getting dye in their hair if they weren’t careful.

I went in their room during lunch earlier on the same Thursday. When I was looking at their shampoo it was the Head and Shoulders shampoo and it was a white based color compared to the blue dye I had. I knew the dye wouldn’t have enough time to lift and dye to stay on for a little while if they just used it as a shampoo. I didn’t want to even test it.

I looked around and found a hair gel someone had left out on the counter. The gel was a blue color and almost matched the dye perfectly. Besides the dye being a bit thicker in consistency and a tad darker, someone could leave this on for a long time without seeing that it lightened and dyed their hair blue. It was perfect. I think they both used the hair gel since they both would have semi-spikey tipped hair some days. I know Colt will put his hair into a messy Mohawk-ish thing some days. Well, whoever used this first would be fucked.

We got showered, dressed, and made up to go to breakfast as soon as possible. We were curious on who used the dye and if Steve will be tough enough to wear the Hitler mustache. If Steve used the dye it would look so horrible with his dirty blonde short cropped hair and green eyes. I don’t know if it would look bad on Colt though. He is pretty handsome and could pull off almost anything. Also it wouldn’t show as much in his brown hair but you would still be able to see it, never the less.

Silver kept looking at me with huge eyes and then back to the entrance to the dining hall. I kept giggling and getting more anxious. When they came in Silver began cracking up. Steve didn’t have his mustache anymore or his beard. I guess he just decided to shave it all off. He looked at us and squinted. Their hair was still the same hair color. I looked at Colt’s hair more and he caught my glance. I looked away and giggled. The dye was on his but you couldn’t tell since his hair was wet from taking a shower.

Once it dried he would soon find parts of the front of hair to be a dull blue shade. The developer in the dye would lift some of his brown out of his hair and make the blue brighter. We’ll see how much it lifts by sixth hour.

I went to my first and second hour. Third hour rolled around and I was anxious to see Colt. I wonder how he’ll react. I’m going to attempt to say something to him about his hair. I wonder how this day will spawn into. This should be fun.

I was usually the first one in the Chemistry room everyday so I thought I shouldn’t treat this day any differently. I sat down at my lab table and waited. I kept looking down and biting my lip then looking at the door. Five minutes passed and the bell rang but still no sign of Colt.

Ms. Belington was taking attendance, “Colt’s not here? Hm. Anyone see him today?”

Sebastian raised his hand, “I saw him earlier. He’s going to be late. He had some issue to deal with.” Sebastian glanced back at me. I began giggling and a few other kids glanced at me.

We had our Friday lab and we still were in our lab groups we picked on the first day. The Friday lab was on a few chemical reactions we had to do.

Sebastian began talking, “So I’m guessing it was you who put the dye in Colt’s hair gel?”

I gave him one of my famous mischievous smiles, “Yep. And I’m guessing Colt’s washing it out in the sink as we speak?”

Sebastian handed me the tongs to pick up the magnesium and smiled, “Yeah, he is. I was the one who had to tell him that his hair looked blue on the way to class and he freaked.” Sebastian shook his head with a laugh, “That is one damn good prank. But why Colt though?”

I shrugged, “Wasn’t he the one who helped Steve throw me in the lake?” I was confused. Don’t fucking tell me that I got the wrong person.

Sebastian shook his head, “No. That was me.” My eyebrows shot up and he began laughing so hard that some students turned around to look at us, “Let me get this straight. You dyed his hair blue because you thought he was the other guy that threw you in the lake? Oh god, that’s good.” He shook his head trying to calm down.

I glared at him, “So. Do you think he’ll be mad?” Sebastian shrugged, “I mean, he’ll understand, right?”

Sebastian coughed and said, “Well. He doesn’t really prank like we do. He was actually pissed off at us when he heard about throwing you into the lake. I’ve only seen the wrath of Colt once, so I really have no idea.” He shook his head some more like he was in thought, “Damn. I can’t believe this situation. This is getting good. So was it really your idea or Silver’s?”

I nodded my head, “Yeah, it was mine.” I punched him in the arm, “You fucking douche bag. I didn’t mean to do that to him. I thought he did! God damn you.”

Mrs. Belington looked at us, “Watch your language!” I just rolled my eyes.

“You’re so cute when you get mad.” Sebastian smiled. Was he flirting with me? What is this? I mean Sebastian wasn’t bad looking with his dark thick curly hair and tanned skin, but I wouldn’t date him. Hell, no.

Colt walked in with his hair dripping. He gave a note to the teacher and walked to our lab table. I glared at Sebastian. Colt looked at us confused hinted with a bit of anger.

“Oh hey, we were just talking about you.” Sebastian says with his dark brown eyes gleaming and a mischievous grin playing on his face as he looks at me.

Colt cocks his head towards me with an enraged glint in his eyes, “How so?”

I can’t help but giggle at his blue hair. He looks so intimidating as he looks at me. The brown/blue hair doesn’t look bad on him. It’s a kind of bright color on the tips of his hair but only the front section of his hair took the biggest hit of blue. It’ll fade to a dark dull blue in a few days but I couldn’t help but break into a fit of giggles as he looked at me.

A crooked smile broke out across his face, “You think this is funny? Hm?” I nodded my head and giggled some more.

Colt chuckled a little and then got serious again, “I know you did this, because god knows Silver isn’t this creative.” He leaned into the table a few inches from my face and I caught a whiff of his sweet breathe, “Oh. And don’t even try to play innocent with me. I will get you back for this. Trust me.” He winked and leaned away. I blushed at how close he got to my face. His cologne smells really good along with his nice new bluish hair.

I scrunched my face at him. We went back to the lab at hand. At the end of class while we were waiting to leave someone said to Colt, “Hey, nice new hair, Smurf.” I began laughing loudly and everyone looked at me including Colt. I didn’t mean to be as loud, I just couldn’t control myself.

The day went by with constant looks from Colt in the hallway and in art. Silver and I giggled as we overheard Steve’s conversation with Colt. Steve kept cracking jokes on Colt about the blue hair. It wasn’t hard to overhear their table in art considering how god damn loud Steve is.

“Well at least I wasn’t Hitler’s child when I woke up.” Colt smiled and his blue eyes found mine, “Was that your idea too?” Some people in our class turned around. I nodded in reply and Colt shook his head in thought.

Later that day, me and Silver decided to celebrate with smoking after school. We went to the forest area behind the dorms around four. It was a Friday, after all, so why not have some fun?

We were already smoking when we heard Sebastian, Steve and Colt approaching. I took a fast hit so we could leave. I didn’t want to be around Colt considering he’s in revenge mode. I didn’t want to see the ‘wrath of Colt’ in any way, shape or form.

Steve rolled his eyes as I blew out a lot of smoke, “Why do we always go out here when you two are here? Well, you two might as well share some with us this time.” Silver glared at him. We were not the sharing type.

Then she said, “Why didn’t you keep the mustache I took time to shave for you? It complimented your face so well!” She smiled at him. In a weird way I thought they were flirting.

Steve laughed, “I thought Jasper did it? So it was both of you.” He looked at Colt. Colt shrugged. I stood up from where I was sitting, ready to flee.

Colt spoke up, “Well, I’ll make this easy for the two of you. One of you is going to come over here and take a spanking. That will be our little peace treaty for dying my hair blue and making Steve shave off his ‘oh so handsome’ mustache and beard.” He glanced at both of us and then his eyes set on me as if we didn’t have a choice and that I was the sacrifice. He sat down on a rock and patted his lap as if I was supposed to go on it. Silver stepped back gasping a bit.

I laughed, “You’re not serious. Whatever you’re planning on doing I’ll take the blame for it, just don’t throw me in a fucking lake this time. Come on Silver, let’s get out of here. I’m cold.” Silver giggled acting like he was joking too.

Colts face was serious as his eyes were trained on me but he didn’t say anything else in reply. Sebastian and Steve looked at each other in surprise of what Colt said and they shrugged at one another. I glared at him then me and Silver left them and basically jogged back to the dorms. I saw Colt get up in the corner of my eye. It looked like he was contemplating following us. We got back to the dorms and I got into my pajamas for the rest of the day. We closed out door and sat on our beds.

Silver’s eyes were wide and dilated as she said, "I can’t believe that just happened. Maybe if I wasn’t high right now I could be serious about this but, "She began laughing, “what the fuck just happened. Did he just offer to spank you? OH MY GOD. HE DID.” She was almost crying she was laughing so hard.

I began laughing too and I couldn’t stop coughing. “Oh god, Silver! I didn’t even take that seriously. He wasn’t serious. Was he? Oh god, oh god.” I was equally crying from laughing.

Silver kept nodding, “Did you see him? When he said, ‘take a spanking’ he looked right at you and didn’t change his gaze after that. He looked pissed off too! Dude. That’s just great.” She giggled some more and I joined her.

“But Silver, I don’t want to be spanked. I never have before.” I said when we finally calmed down.

She waved it off, “I doubt he was serious about that. That’s not even pranking. That’s just being a perv or something. He’ll probably get you back in some other way. Don’t worry about it.” I shrugged, I guess she was right.

We came in late too dinner when our highs finally wore off. When I sat down I couldn’t help but feel someone’s eyes on me. I went up to grab the Friday special of spicy chicken sandwiches. They were probably my favorite food they served at Ridgeway Creek. They had decent food here, which is what you get from what most of the kid’s parents pay to go here.

As I filled my plate and went to get condiments a pain spread across my butt. I heard a smack and connected that I was in fact smacked on the ass. I looked to the left and was relieved to find no one saw that. I looked to my right to find Colt’s hand snaking away. I looked up into his waiting eyes.

I glared at him, “Ow. Dude, what the fuck.”

He gave a twisted smile and leaned down to talk in my ear, “You’re going to get a spanking one of these days, and I’m going to give it to you hard. It will hurt. Way more than that, I can promise that.” He paused and then said before he left, “Naughty girls get what they deserve.” I gasped lightly and couldn’t help but feel more intimidated by him than I ever have before.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

I’ve been writing a lot these past few days because this is really the only time I have to write currently. Possibly next weekend I’ll have some more time to write but I will try to get some chapters going here and there. I felt that it would be cruel to leave you guys hanging hence why I’ve been posting so many chapters. I have chapters 4 and 5 already written but I still need to proofread them. Hopefully I will be able to post chapter 4 by tomorrow and then I unfortunately have to leave you guys hanging with four chapters until two weekends from now. Feedback on the story would help though. Thank you guys for reading. c:

Chapter 3

He walked away as I stood there trying to remember what I was getting. I squeezed ketchup onto my plate and went back to my seat. Silvers mouth was gaping wide open as I sat down. I blushed beet red as she glanced from me to Colt.

Silver said in a hushed voice so no one would hear, “Did he really just slap your ass?” I was happy that there was hardly anyone in the dining hall. Everyone was leaving and dumping their plates out when we finally began eating. I guess Colt was waiting for me or something because he left after he did that.

I nodded, while slowly eating, “This day just gets weirder and weirder. Silver, I’m scared.”

She shook her head in disbelief, “What did he say to you this time?”

I put my hand to my cheek to feel how warm it was and I looked shyly down, “He said-” I looked around and no one was sitting close enough to hear, “He, um, said that he was going to spank me and stuff.”

Her mouth went open and I could see the food she was chewing. Her composure went to plain annoyance. She said in more of a statement that we were both thinking rather than an actual question, “Why?” I shrugged.

Silver was eating thoughtfully and said through chews, “Jesus. He must be into that kinky type of shit if you ask me.”

I nodded. “I still don’t think he’s serious. Just doesn’t seem like him.”

She shrugged, “Colt has a fuse, that’s for sure. The last time someone messed with him, he beat the shit out of them. You’re a girl though, so obviously he wouldn’t hurt you.” We chewed our food and nodded off thinking. “Also, I really do think he likes you so I doubt he’s actually going to do that. He’s probably just trying to scare you so you don’t pull anymore shit on him or something. Don’t worry about it.”

I did worry about it though. That actually hurt when he just spanked me once. Ouch. I still keep lightly touching my butt wondering how someone could spank harder than that. Why do parents spank their kids? I have no idea, but I was never spanked as a kid and I turned out… Well, I’m good enough. According to Colt I’m ‘naughty’ now. It’s whatever, he’ll get over it.

Silver got me out of my trance, “You know there’s a McDonalds near here? We used to go there all the time last year. It’s about five minutes away. Want to go tomorrow? My friend Victoria has a car to take us.” I find its cool that you can drive off campus at least. Not much people do since most don’t have cars or licenses. I don’t have any money so there’s no need anyways.

“I would but I don’t really have any money. I’ll pass for now.” She nodded looking sad that I couldn’t.

“My parents send me some money every month so maybe sometime in the next few weeks I’ll buy you some damn good authentic American food.” I grinned, sounds good to me.

I tossed and turned that night remembering all the things Colt said. He was just playing with me. Asshole. I have to forget it. I just have to watch my back around the campus and be extra careful. The more I tossed and turned the hotter I got. I find it’s nice that there’s actual sunlight here, but I don’t appreciate the hot nights that I have to strip down to just a tank top and underwear at times.

I woke up around 10 am with a sticky note stuck to my forehead. I took it off and it was from Silver:

Left around 9 with Victoria. Be back in a few hours. If anyone’s wondering where I am tell them I went to the town square for shopping. See yuh later! ~ Silver

I stuck it to my nightstand and stretched. She mentioned something about possibly going to the little town a few miles away to hang out there. I missed breakfast, so I wonder what I should do for the next few hours. I killed time by taking a shower and getting ready. I only spent like fifteen minutes which was a fail of even attempting to kill time.

I didn’t realize how close I’ve gotten to Silver in three weeks. Living with someone and hanging out with them constantly can really get you close to someone. I honestly didn’t know it was possible for me to get that close to someone in such a short span of time. Of course she doesn’t know me that well since I never really talk about myself much, but we aren’t that different of people. She seems to have a good family back at home. She doesn’t know much about my home life though; all I have told her about is what I used to do but not where I came from. I dread the day she will ask about my family.

That’s when my depression sunk in. I haven’t had time to be depressed in the past few weeks since I got here since there was so much to do. I am a depressed person but I don’t really show it. That’s kind of where I began smoking and drinking. It was to take my mind off of the emptiness I felt. I don’t like thinking too much into it and rather just kill it where it starts. If I get too depressed and I can’t drink or smoke I get worse. I don’t want to get into that though. I don’t even want to get into anything to be quite honest.

I sat on my bed scratching my head. My eyes lightened as I looked at Silvers bed. I do have money but it’s saved from my parent’s old account transferred to mine. I don’t get into it much but I do have a few dollars to spend here and there when I can. I feel bad spending my moms and dads money on drugs but I do what I have to. It hurts me to think what they would think of me if they saw how their daughter grew up. How would they react to know that she spends what’s left of their money to drugs and alcohol? I don’t want to know.

My hands begin scratching my arm and I get up. I go into my drawer and get out my bowl. The difference between me and Silver is that she smokes weed to be cool or something stupid like that. I do it to take away the pain, to just forget for a few hours of how much of a piece of shit I am. I place five bucks on her bed as I go into the box underneath her bed to get some bud. I feel bad randomly taking from her but at least I’m paying for it.

I shove it into my jacket as I close the door to my dorm room. I look across the loft of the boy’s side and find piercing blue eyes staring back at me. Oh fuck. Colt was standing in the doorway of some guy’s dorm room on the other side of the loft. He began walking around the circle of dorm rooms. That’s when I picked up that he was going to try to talk to me. He looked determined.

I began walking fast paced to the stairs and unfortunately that’s where he was also going.

I breathed out lightly saying, “Fucking shit.”

“Hey, Jasper, can we talk?” He sounded demanding as if I didn’t have a choice.

“No.” I began walking down the stairs and he caught up with me. Colt took my hand and pulled me to a halt.

I turned around, definitely not in the mood, “What the fuck dude. I just want to-” His look stopped me in my tracks. I’ve never seen anyone so pissed off before.

His blue eyes were fuming as he said in a hushed but hoarse voice, “Listen here. You’re going to follow me nicely to my room and were going to have a nice little chat. Then you can get back to your day. Hmm?” My breathing hitched and I didn’t know what to say.

Colt took my hand firmly as I was basically dragged back to his dorm room. Steve was sitting there on their futon playing some game on his X-box. He glanced at us and glanced back to his game.

“Don’t mind us, this will be fast.” Colt said as he closed and locked the door briskly. He sat on the bed and patted his lap. I stood there completely confused with my mouth wide open.

Colt took my hand like a toddler and dragged me onto his lap as I tried to protest. I attempted kicking and squirming to get off his lap. He was NOT going to spank me in front of his roommate. Even though his roommates back was turned to us it was still embarrassing. This situation was NOT going to happen.

“Colt! STOP. What. No! Get off!” I tried my hardest to get off his lap but he just held me like I was nothing. He didn’t even let up, not even a tiny bit. He dropped down the first smack and, holy shit, it hurt.

“If you quiet down and let Steve play his Halo 4 this will go by so much faster. I promise. Also, don’t think badly of me but I’m going to have to remove these for this.” He began pulling off my shoes and then tugging down on my sweatpants.

I began squirming and still protesting, “No! Fuck no. Please. No.” I began getting desperate for every second that passed the realization hit me that he was actually going to spank me and it was not, in fact, a joke. He was also going to be one layer away from touching my butt which was extremely uncomfortable. This was going to hurt.

I began whimpering a little and I heard Steve say, “Oh, I don’t mind your kinky stuff you kids do these days. Please. Go on. Its good background sounds as I kill flood.” I blushed deep red and felt totally hopeless as my sweatpants were brought to my ankles and taken off.

I got extremely self conscious when I thought that this beast of a genuinely handsome guy was going to see my cotton light pink underwear and repeatedly smack my butt. I kept squirming and making light whimpering noises as I looked down in defeat at their light hardwood flooring. The worst part was when I felt him lightly trace the lining of my underwear. It tickled and he achieved the feeling he desired. I knew Colt could feel the anxiety building in me as I waited for the second smack to land.

It felt like a good minute until I let out a sigh and he caught me then. One hard smack after another hit and I felt pain spreading upon my bottom. I knew I was going to be numb after this. I’ll just try to be quiet. It shouldn’t be that long right? No. It went on for so much longer than I could stand.

I didn’t even try counting after twenty. I could tell he worked out because of how long it went on and the pain he was inflicting on my rear end. I stopped being quiet when I couldn’t take it anymore. It stung way too much to handle. I began making loud whimpering noises.

I even tried to beg,“Stop! Please stop. Colt. Please!” I gave up and began whimpering in defeat as more and more stinging spread around my bottom. He would switch off hands, too. I began dreading when every other time he switched off because one hand hurt worse. I think it was his right hand since he wrote with his right, I really couldn’t tell though.

At one point I heard Steve turn around and say, “Holy shit, Colt. How are you still going?” I felt him loosen up and laugh a bit and then harder smacks came down after that. He was on a god damn mission.

I was trying not to cry but the tears fell down when it felt like it was never going to end. I honestly could not take it anymore. It was so painful and it stung like a bitch. It went on for far too long to just be the type of situation in which a guy just spanks a girl as in a ‘kinky way’ as Silver and Steve say. It was not for that and I got the message that it wasn’t like that when he finally stopped.

I was crying louder than I thought I was when I couldn’t hear the smacks anymore. I really couldn’t believe it was done. I was limp and covering my face in shame as I lay on his lap. I could still feel the ghost of the last painful smack on my butt. He saw that I wasn’t going to move anytime soon. Colt had to pick me up by my armpits and set me down on the ground. He helped me into my pants one leg at a time. I wiped away my tears and began crying some more.

Colt began cooing me to calm down, “Hey, hey. It’s all better now. Don’t worry. No more spankings. Just be a good girl. Hmm?” He tilted my chin up to look at him and I was forced to look into those piercing god damn blue eyes.

He brushed away a tear and a light smile spread on his face as I sniffed up at him, “See. Wasn’t that bad, right?”

I looked down shyly and Steve said, “My ass hurt from listening to that. Ouch. Wasn’t that bad my ass.”

I giggled at that and Colt had to chuckle a little, “Oh, you dropped something.” He kneeled down and I realized he was holding me up until then. I lost my balance a bit and stood straight. I tried to wipe my face some to not look so stupid.

He picked up the little plastic bag with the bud that I got from Silver’s box, “So that’s where you were going.” He scratched the back of his head. “You were going out there alone?”

I nodded and zipped up my jacket and shoved the weed back into my pocket. I didn’t know what to say. I was just put through the most humiliating situation I’ve ever been in; there’s not much to say after that.

“Can I go with you?” Colt asked. I shrugged. How do you say no to someone who just spanked you to shame? There’s no room to move in a situation like this. If I say no he’ll most likely spank me more. I didn’t really want to smoke anymore, but it would help my stinging bottom. Actually, my ass hurt so much that I couldn’t even feel it anymore. I didn’t even know that was possible.

I looked at the clock in their room and tucked some hair behind my ear. It was only about fucking twelve minutes of being spanked. That felt like more than a good half an hour. I blushed but you probably couldn’t see it on my tear stained face.

Colt got out his jacket since it was a bit colder out today. He said, “You can go in the bathroom and put some water on your face or something.” I nodded and began walking to their bathroom. I realized in the short trip to the bathroom that walking would not be fun today.

I splashed water on my face like he suggested and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like a train wreck. My hair was sticking out in random places so I just patted it all down and was happy that my curly mess didn’t look too bad today. I walked out and Colt was watching Steve as he killed a bunch of random spawning creatures.

We walked out to the usual smoking spot and Colt said, “I’m surprised not much people get caught going out here. I know there are more kids than just us that go out here in a day. The only stupid guys who got caught smoking cigarettes decided to go by the bleachers at a football practice. Idiots.” He sat down on the biggest rock. I hesitated as I was about to sit to the rock next to him.

I sat and winced a little. His eyes were watching me of course and he said, “I heard Vaseline is good for the stinging. You know.” He winked. A smile crept on his face. “I can get you some if you want.”

I blushed and cleared my throat, “No I’m fine.” My voice was more hoarse than I thought it would be. He just nodded and kept looking at me. I looked away shyly and remembered the reason why we were out there. I took out the bowl and put the bud in it. I checked my pocket for my lighter. I swear to god I had it a second ago.

“Looking for this?” Colt handed me it. Sneaky son of a bitch.

I lit up the bud and inhaled. I tried handing it to Colt.

He waived off the bowl, “I don’t want to smoke today.” Wow, never saw anyone pass up an offer. I just nodded.

Colt watched me as I held the smoke in. I just looked at the lake and exhaled it with a sigh. He was just tracing me with his eyes. It kind of made it awkward but I didn’t want to say anything to piss him off again. My ass hurt too much for that.

Colt’s eyebrows knit together and he asked as if he was concerned, “Why do you smoke so much?” I inhaled some more smoke, so I had some time to think of the question.

I shrugged as I breathed out, “I don’t know, why do you smoke so much?”

“I don’t.” He studied my reaction.

I was confused, “I thought you did. You always go out here with your friends.”

Colt shook his head, “I do once in a while, but most of the time I just hang out with them out here. I don’t usually partake in smoking though. The only time I’ve smoked in the past few months so far was with you, Steve, Silver and Sebastian the first night on campus.” I nodded and inhaled some more smoke.

“You didn’t answer my question.” He looked at me waiting for a reply as I blew out more smoke.

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling a bit dizzy, “I couldn’t tell you.” I lied. I could.

Colt shook his head, “Why’s that?” He was really interrogating me. Why did he care? He watched as I brought the bowl up to my lips.

I took a hit and then Colt took it from me. I coughed out smoke, “Hey.” His eyes flashed at me for me to shut up so I did. The effects were taking their toll and my mind slowed down.

“I want to talk to you Jasper. Not a high you, just you.”

“Then why did you let me smoke? Could’ve stopped me.” I flashed a playful smile at him, his eyes flashed again and he knew I was gone into a high. I wanted to smoke more so I could stay high longer but I guess that wasn’t an option anymore.

“When did you start smoking?” Why was he still asking me about this shit? He looked concerned.

I giggled lightly, “A year or two ago, I think. Something like that.”

He nodded, “Why would you start though?”

I snapped a reply back, “Why do you care?” His eyes flashed and I clapped my hands and giggled at his reaction.

“I just don’t get why a girl like you would start doing stuff like this. You just seem too innocent.” He looked at me as I looked down and at the lake.

I looked at him again and said teasingly, “I like your hair by the way.” I giggled some more and I saw a little smile creep on his face but he was serious again.

“But seriously, why?” Is he not going to let up? I don’t want to talk about it.

I just tried to answer the question indirectly, “You’re going to have to get me really fucking stoned or really fucking drunk for me to answer that.” I grinned but my eyes held something that I knew wasn’t happy. His eyes grew tired like he was annoyed that I wouldn’t answer his question.

“Maybe some other day. Where’s Silver, by the way?” I dislike his questions.

I had to remember. Oh yeah, “She’s at the town square place thingy.”

“I see. Well, it was convenient.”

I huffed, attempted to stand and then fell on my ass. I thought my butt was numb, but I was severely wrong. It hurt even in my high state. I cringed and just decided to stay on the ground until it stopped hurting. Colt was by my side in an instant and I was perfectly fine on the ground. Then he picked me up and cradled me on his lap as he sat back on the rock.

He mocked me, “My poor baby. Have to be more careful or else your little butt is going to be sore longer than it will be.” He chuckled as he brushed off dirt on my bottom.

I tried to squirm out of his arms, “I don’t need to be treated like a toddler, thank you very much.” Colt gave me his look. He didn’t let up. God damn he was strong and I was too little. I messed with his hair and he loosened his grip so I could stand up.

“Ha!” I stuck my tongue out and he shook his head at me.

“You are really something, aren’t you?” Colt tickled my stomach. I took a step back and giggled.

“Hey, don’t do that.”

Colt stood up, “What? This?” He tickled my stomach again. I began giggling. He already spanked me today; he doesn’t get to tickle me too!

I replied in a squeal as I took another step back, “Eep. Yes!” The most mischievous smile spread across his face.

Colt asked, “You cold out here? I sure am. Let’s go inside.” Huh? When did tickling me change to going inside? I’m too tired and out of it for this shit.

Colt led the way and I followed. He led us up the stairs and then to my room. I was happy that I got to go to my room. The only bad part is that there was no way to leave him since there was nowhere else to go that I wanted to be. I sat on my bed as he closed the door. I just stared off in a daze. Colt took his jacket and shoes off. He sat on my bed next to me and nudged me.

“Huh?” I looked over at him. He smiled.

“So where did we leave off while we were outside?” I was trying to remember. I forgot. I shrugged not knowing.

Colt scratched his head, “Oh yeah. I was about to tickle you.” Then he basically pinned me down on my bed and his electric fingers attacked my under pits and tummy. After five minutes of trying to not piss myself from laughing he stopped and pulled away. Colt slipped my shoes off and helped me take my jacket off. I rubbed my eyes with my hands and yawned.

Colt gave me a warm smile, “Sleepy are we?” I nodded my head. “Well then I have a proposition here for you. I’ll stop tickling you if you cuddle with me and I’ll even let you nap.”

I cocked my head to the side. I was confused, but I couldn’t pinpoint why I was in my drug induced daze. I just nodded my head so I could just nap already. He smiled and got comfortable on my bed. Then he held out his arms for me to fall into. I just snuggled into his chest and found it was as comfortable as I thought it would be.

I woke up to Colt lightly shaking me to get up. I blinked a lot, got up and stretched. “What time is it?” I asked.

“It’s like 12.” I heard a girl’s voice say. I looked to find Silver sitting on her bed looking at me, “Did you have a nice nap with lover boy over there, sleepyhead?” I looked to my bed and there he was. Colt was laying there with his arms folded behind his head looking at me with a smile placed on his face.

I said, “Wow. This day is weird and long. Damn. Okay.” I glance from Silver to Colt and they were both looking at me. I looked back at Silver, “I’m sorry, how long have you been here?”

“About a half an hour.” My mouth fell open. I felt really bad about the situation I told her nothing about.

“You guys could’ve woken me!”

Colt smiled, “Its fine, we just talked while you were napping.” He got up and put his shoes on. “I don’t know about you two, but I’m hungry. I’m going to go to lunch. I’ll see you later or something.” He took his jacket and left.

Silver waited a few seconds until he was for sure gone and then said, “What happened today? He just said you guys hung out. Anything else happen? Did you guys kiss or what?” There were too many questions in one sentence. I really didn’t know what happened considering he took advantage of when I was high to cuddle. At the same time I’m kind of happy he took advantage of it, because if he didn’t I would have hated him for spanking me. We have a weird friendship going on and I can’t describe it.

I just sputtered, “I honestly can’t tell you. I smoked with him and then he was like ‘want to cuddle?’ and all I wanted to do was sleep so we ended up here. We didn’t kiss or anything though.” I left out the spanking part and some other details because I don’t think she’d understand. I don’t even understand.

Why did I hang out with him for that long when he spanked the life out of me? Why was I even okay with his presence afterwards? I don’t know. I feel like she’d take it as him coming off as a pervert if I told her. I don’t know why I would defend him in the first place, but there was this weird new closeness I felt toward him. It’s like, I know he didn’t do it to be perverted. If he did, he would have spanked me a few times and then walk away. Instead he spanked me, really fucking hard, until I cried. I don’t get why he did it until I cried though, but once I could hear my own self crying over the smacking that’s when he stopped. Maybe one day I may ask him about it, but not anytime soon.

I said, “This is a really confusing situation but on another note I’m hungry.” She laughed and we went to lunch.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

This is the last chapter I can give out to you guys for the next two weeks or so. Hopefully I’ll be on and can write chapter 5. If not I’ll get it out some time later at the least. Hope you guys enjoy Chapter 4 as much as I did writing it.

Chapter 4

A week went by and I didn’t really talk to Colt about anything worth noticing. We really didn’t talk, period. He would sneak glances at me and I would sneak glances at him. Sometimes I’d blush in Chemistry or Painting when I thought back to the day he spanked me and then he’d look at me like he knew what I was thinking about. I wanted to talk to him about it, but I didn’t at the same time. He is a very intimidating person that I wouldn’t even begin to know how to approach.

I did take his suggestion about Vaseline though. I guess Silver had some in the drawer in our bathroom. My bottom hurt a lot and when I tried looking at it in the mirror it was slightly bruised. It stung every time I sat down for the few days after. I wanted to take a pillow to school to sit down on but I didn’t want to have Colt having the benefit of seeing me in pain. I just went through the pain and acted like I wasn’t affected by my stinging bottom. The Vaseline was soothing when I put it on. I don’t know if it was effective but it did make it feel less painful. I wonder if he knew that it would remind me of him every time I sat down when he brutally spanked me or if he just did it on his own mission.

As I stared at my ceiling thinking about this while I went to bed and couldn’t help but feel a blush creep onto my face. God, I have stop doing that. Maybe if I wore foundation or something it wouldn’t show. I fell into a deep slumber and woke up to Silver shaking me to wake up.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, “Whattttt?”

“Were late! We slept through breakfast and first hour! Come on, we have to hurry.” I got up and began dressing. Fuck. I hate waking up late for school. I hate going to school but what I hate more is when I go late. It just messes up my whole fucking day.

I went into the bathroom and brushed through my hair and decided to put it up. Silver was putting on makeup so I just decided I’d put a little on since we were late anyway. I twisted my fringe to the side and pinned it. I applied some top eyeliner and mascara then decided I was fine for the day. We hurried to school and went to the office. If you didn’t go to the office for being late you were said to be truant. The first time you’re late they waive it off because it happens, especially at a boarding school. The second, third and so on times your late it’s usually detentions. At least we both haven’t gotten late once yet.

The office lady told us, “This is a one time only thing, ladies. I’ll give you notes today, but if it happens again I’m going to have to give you two detentions.” Nag, nag, nag. Silver tried mimicking her as we walked to our second hour classes late. I laughed at the silly voice she was making.

“See yuh later, dude.” She said as she walked up the stairs to the math hallway. I walked slowly to my second hour.

Sixth hour rolled around and I was not in the mood to talk to anyone. The only person I could deal with was Silver since we shared a room together, but I could not take anyone else seriously.

Mr. Veigel began explaining our new painting project, “So, for the next two weeks were going to be working on a new project that I haven’t given in a while. We’ve gone over the basics in painting already and this is a third tier art class after all. I feel you all are talented enough to handle this. The project is about something that you care about and affects you deeply. I want you all to work on something you’re passionate about.” I couldn’t help but laugh and it was kind of loud. Some girls looked at me with a glare so I turned the laugh into a cough.

Mr. Veigel looked at me, “Oh! It looks like we have someone who already knows what they’re doing. Please, tell the class since you happened to, so rudely, interrupt me.” I mean, I respect Mr. Veigel and I like him, but my day has gone awfully and I hated him for the moment.

I could feel everyone looking at me, “I was just clearing my throat. Sorry.”

Mr. Veigel looked irritated and carried on. I glanced down and then I caught Colt staring at me. He glanced away and back to the teacher. I felt stupid. I shouldn’t have laughed. I just am not a very ‘deep’ person I guess. I’m not even going to get into this project. I don’t need or want to do it.

Halfway through the class, me and Silver were sketching and it was hard not to overhear this squeaky voiced, annoying blonde continue talking about her ‘deep’ issues, “Yeah. My grandma died a few years ago so I’m making mine about her. It changed my whole life when she died. It made me really depressed and stuff. I feel bad that I didn’t know her too well. And-” That’s when I couldn’t take it anymore. I began laughing at her and she looked at me with her small, squinty eyes.

“What’s your problem? You think that my grandma dying is funny?” She was a definite attention whore, that’s for sure. I knew everyone was looking at me at this point since she was so god damn loud. I put on my backpack because I just knew I couldn’t handle listening to this bitch anymore.

If she wanted attention I’d give it to her, “Hell yes I think it’s funny. I think it’s funny how you’re sitting here fucking squeaking about how your grandma died and how ‘it totally changed your life’. I find it fucking hilarious how you reflect it on yourself instead of anyone else. Did you care to think about your dead grandmothers emotions? Or your mom or dad who ACTUALLY knew her? You disgust me. How dare you make death pity you. That’s not how it works. So of course I find it funny.”

When I finished, the whole class was dead silent just listening to me. I saw the teacher stand up and I just left. I left the school and walked. I just walked to the small forest behind the dorms and sat out there. I just sat out there and took my anger out on the lake. I threw rocks at it and kicked them angrily. I finally calmed down and just sat there wondering what my problem was. I didn’t have to be such a dick, but I was. How was I supposed to go to class again tomorrow or the next day?

It began raining after a few hours. I put my hood up and just sat there for a while. I decided to explore the school grounds so I walked. I walked to the football field and sat on the bleachers. I sit here now and stare at the football field.

I can’t help but feel like such a god damn loser. I fuck up everything. My depression sinks in as I sit here. A tear crept over my tear duct and more fell as I just sit here and cry. I didn’t want to deal with my emotions but I also didn’t want to deal with people. Shit. What should I do? There is nothing to do but just sit here and feel the crushing of dead weight onto my chest. I can’t help but cry. Cry about how alone I am and how no one would ever love me. I was always a loner and I should just stick to that. I have nothing else good going for me, so why try to start anything good now? I tried to calm down but nothing worked. I can’t help but feel alone and lost.

I begin to hear footsteps approaching, as if multiple people are coming up the bleachers. I wipe away some tears and look to see who’s walking up. It looks like a few guys. I don’t know who because their hoods are on. Could it be? No, I can’t let him see me crying. I hide and put my head down in my lap.

Someone touches my shoulder, “Jasper?” I hear Colt’s familiar voice. Maybe if I still didn’t have my backpack on from school he wouldn’t recognize me. Fuck. Why is he always coincidentally around when I go places?

I look up at him. He smiles and says, “Hey. Here, let me take you somewhere dry.” I see his friends are in the sound booth for the football games. They turn on the light as we approach. Colt puts his arm around me and leads me in.

Steve, Colt and Sebastian take their hoods off and I look around. It’s a small little room with a few chairs. Its definitely better than sitting outside in the rain. I hesitated as I took my hood off hoping no one would see my puffy eyes and that I just cried. I hope they would just ignore it and think my face was wet from the rain.

Colt said, “Its tradition to go in here when there are long rains. None of the campus supervisors or anyone goes out when it’s raining so we get to hang out in here. Kind of a nifty little place if you ask me.” He looked proud of his little secret hang out space as he smiled at me. He seemed happy to see me or something.

Steve looked at me as he brought out a cooler, “Where did you spawn from?” The guys laughed. I just looked outside the window. I didn’t want to talk.

“You didn’t see her? She was sitting out there.” Sebastian said.

“Guess I didn’t. Well. I think we’re going to have to divide these between the four of us instead of just three, unfortunately.” He brought out a few Coors Light beers. My eyes were trained on them. I guess I could stand these guys if I have a few.

I saw out of the corner of my eye Colt studying me. I glanced at him and he asked as he pulled a chair up for me, “You okay?” He sounded concerned, like he actually cared.

I just ignored his question and sat down. Steve was handing them out, “Three for each of us. I know that’s not enough to supply Sebastian for getting drunk tonight but we don’t care about him.” Steve joked as Sebastian punched him. I just looked down. I didn’t want to be weird and just reach out and take one.

Colt looked at me, “You can have my three.” He said with that still concerned voice.

Sebastion cut in, “But, Colt, what about me? I thought we were the true lovers here.” Colt chuckled and shook his head but then went back to me. He grabbed one and uncapped it for me. I took it and drank.

Two bottles later I felt much better and I was getting a pretty good buzz going. Colt, Sebastian and Steve kept cracking down insults on each other and it was actually quite entertaining to watch.

When I was on my third beer Colt asked me a serious question, “What happened with you earlier?”

I looked over at him and he was waiting, “That girl just annoyed the shit out of me, that’s all.”

Steve said, “Oh and it was just that girl? No offense but it was just a tad harsh. I get that she was annoying but I don’t know. It was a bit too far, you know?” I shrugged and chugged the rest of my third beer.

“I mean, I just was having a bad day, I guess.” I looked down at my beer and swished it around.

Colt said something that caught me off guard, “Some of the things you do are so out of character to me. I just don’t get it.” He shook his head in thought. When did this turn to making me feel bad? They were lucky they were supplying me with alcohol.

Sebastian tried to change the subject, “So. We should play Truth.”

“Ughhh.” I sighed. I hate that game but it was a way to kill time as we drink. I kind of have to pee among my other needs. I’d hold it for now.

“Yay, this should be fun. New girl must have some secrets.” Steve winked at me. Colt sat up straight and smiled.

Sebastian said, “Our game of Truth is a bit different than the usual. It’s so everyone has an even amount of questions per person. Each person will get three questions from three different people. Fun, right?” I didn’t like the sound of that. “If someone knows you’re lying you have to do a dare. You can’t pass questions.”

“Yay.” I said as I fixed my shirt.

Sebastian looked around at each of us in the circle, “Who is the first victim. Let’s see. Whoever guesses the number closest to the one in my head gets to be questioned first. Pick a number.”

“7” Colt said.

I said, “0”


“Colt goes first, the number was 11.” Sebastian said.

That meant I’d go after him. It’s time to drink the rest of my fourth beer and move to the fifth. I couldn’t help but feel the urge to go pee strengthen.

Steve had the first question, “I’ll get this question out of the way, since someone’s going to ask it eventually.” Steve glances at me then back to Colt, “Are you a virgin?”

I knew he was going to say no, but he surprised me. Colt rolls his eyes, “Yes. Stop trying to get me laid, Steve. It hasn’t worked, yet.” I giggled.

Colt looked to me. I didn’t know what to ask, “I’m thinking still.”

Sebastian said, “You never told me what happened between you two. How did you get her back? Tell me.” I blushed.

Colt leaned forward as he winked at me, “I gave her a damn good spanking.” I flushed to a deeper shade of red and looked down. Sebastian laughed and Steve chimed in laughing too. God damn Colt for making it into his new conquest that he gets to brag to his friends.

I sat there trying to think of something I really wanted to know. Colt looked at me and an idea popped into my head and I just went with it fueled by my new found confidence in the alcohol I drank, “Why did you though? Out of anything else you chose to fucking spank me. Why?” Colt grinned and looked around in thought as he brushed his chin with his long fingers.

“Hmmm. It’s hard to say this in a way so I don’t come off like a pig.” He scratched his head, and then continued as he looked at me, “You are just too innocent. I just felt like someone needed to teach you a lesson. I wanted you to know that you were mine and not the other way around.” He shrugged as I saw a playful glimmer in his eye because I knew he was enjoying this. I gave him one of my silly scrunched faces and he rolled his eyes.

Steve put his hands together mischievously, “Jaspers turn. Now what to ask.” He looked at his clasped hands then back at me, “What was the real reason you snapped on Jessica in art?”

I answered with a smile as I sipped my beer, “I was jealous.”

Steve looked staggered and asked, “Why?” I saw that I piqued Colt’s interest as his eyes lightened.

“That’s two questions. Not fair.” I must lie, I do become a bit playful when I’m buzzed.

Sebastian and Colt simultaneously said, “Why?”

Sebastian took the question for Colt, “That’s my question. Why are you jealous?” They all seemed weirdly inclined to know.

I shrugged. “Why is anyone jealous? They want something they can’t have that someone else has. I wish I had one family member die. I wish I could have people pity me over having something happen to me that happens to almost everyone.” I just shrugged. I sounded like a horrible person, but they don’t know me. Colt even looked offended.

“So you’re jealous because no one close to you or any relevance to you died yet basically?” Sebastian asked me in justification.

“No. Of course not. You guys are taking this too seriously. I don’t mean it in the way it seems to come out. I just don’t want to get into it, okay?”

Colt studied me questionably. I was ready for his question. He said, “Why do you smoke so much? Don’t answer me generally. I’m tired of it.”

I rolled my eyes and looked down at my beer and mumbled, “I hate myself.” When I looked up I saw Colt’s eyes flash with some type of pain I didn’t understand. I felt he was the only one who heard.

Sebastian said, “Huh? I didn’t hear what you said.”

Steve said, “Yeah, me either.”

Colt glanced at me and said, “It wasn’t important, your turn Steve.” He tried to change the subject onto someone else. I was in my semi-drunken state so I didn’t even try to wonder why he cared if they knew I hated myself.

I had to go pee so badly that every time I had to ask a question I’d just ask if they were virgins or not. I found out that Sebastian actually was and Steve wasn’t. Then it came time to ask me questions again and I was done with the stupid game. I was also somewhat drunk so I answered them without dodging for once.

Colt seemed to try to ask more general questions to stay away from more things that were locked away. I felt he liked to keep my special thoughts to him only.

Colt hit me hard with one question, “Which parent are you most like? Are you more like your mom or dad? I know it’s kind of random but I’m just curious.” I know it was supposed to be a general question to steer away from more personal issues of my own self hatred. I couldn’t blame him for asking. It’s not like I told him I was the last blood line left in my entire family tree. Heck, I haven’t told anyone that yet since I got here.

I just shrugged, “I couldn’t tell you. I never knew them.”

Colt’s eye brows knit together and his composure changed multiple times as he contemplated what to say or ask next.

I saved him time on thinking too into it, “They died when I was three. I don’t remember them.” I tucked hair behind my ears, “I’m done answering your guys’ questions. I have to pee really badly.” Colt, Sebastian, and Steve all looked at me with apologetic glances. They were speechless. I don’t know why but I was smiling like an idiot. I forgot what I said the moment before so I just sat there. The urge to pee was so bad.

“Are we done here? Please, can someone walk with me back to my room?” I looked up at Colt and he nodded. I saw a tear fall down his face as he wiped it away quickly. I didn’t understand why he was sad all of a sudden. He walked me to my room and decided to sit on my bed until I was done in the bathroom.

“Why have you never told me that before?” He asked.

I looked at him and wondered what he was talking about, “Huh?”

“Why have you never told me about your parents before?” His eyes twinkled with affection. I didn’t get why though.

I just shrugged. “It never came up, I guess.” His eyebrows were still knit together.

I giggled lightly, “Why does it matter anyhow? I don’t look for pity. It just happens.” He shook his head and stood up. Colt walked over to me and hugged me.

I nuzzled my head into his chest as he rubbed my back, “This is an odd request, but spend the night in my room, please? I don’t want to let you out of my sight.” He asked in more of a demand rather than a question. I pulled away and looked up at him.

“I’m not like that.” The drunken Jasper said in a defensive tone.

His eyebrows shot up, “No, I didn’t mean it like that. Trust me. I don’t really do that stuff. I just want to cuddle. Nothing more, nothing less.” I rolled my eyes. He liked getting me when I was high or drunk to cuddle.

We went back to his room and Colt made Steve bring back some food they were serving at dinner. I wasn’t really hungry but I ate anyways. Colt put on some comfier clothes and we cuddled until I fell asleep on him. I went into a deep, dreamy slumber.

[i]I woke up to find myself swimming in a lake behind the dorms again. It was raining hard. I tried swimming to the rocks but a current kept sweeping me back. I felt a tugging on my leg and tried to fight it off. I began getting tugged underwater as I gasped for air. I fought as hard as I could to get away from whatever was tugging me down. I felt the cold seep onto me as I floated deeper down. I began to see darkness around me. Black figures in the deep lake surrounded me.

I kept getting pulled farther down until I could only see a faint blue light from above. I gave up. I let the force tug me down as the cold surrounded me. I was choking on water as I sank to the bottom and hit the deep lake floor. I looked up and saw the sun had come out. My vision went blurry and dark. I felt tugging once again. I felt some force bring me up to the surface.

Air invaded my body as I was pulled out of the lake. I felt warmth spread from my feet to my thighs and then around my stomach. I opened my eyes and saw familiar piercing blue eyes stare back behind the waves of warm sunshine touching me. I coughed and looked down. I was completely naked. [/i]

I woke up with a jolt and sat straight up. I looked around and was confused. Where was I? I heard what sounded like someone taking a shower in the bathroom. I found Steve sleeping on his bed to the right of me. I looked down. There was a towel covering my private parts and I was cold. I found that Colt’s bed was stripped down to one light white sheet covering it and no blankets. I got confused and couldn’t help but wonder what the fuck happened.

I wasn’t naked like my dream since I still had a shirt on, but where were my pants? Also, what happened last night that led to me without pants? Oh god, don’t tell me I lost my virginity. No, that’s the one thing I was actually proud of up until now.

It still seemed to be early in the morning so at least I knew that I wasn’t going to be late to school. I heard the water turn off in the bathroom and couldn’t help but feel self conscious as I sat there on his bed. Colt came out with shorts and no shirt on yet. I had to admire his chest for a moment as I was taken out of my confusion.

I said in a panicked state as I watched Colt put his shirt on, “We didn’t do anything last night, right?”

He smiled and shook his head, “No, of course not. We did cuddle if that counts.” I sighed in relief but was hit hard with pain in my stomach. My main concern right now was to sober up. That’s for sure. Thank god I didn’t get nasty hangovers like most people.

Colt scratched the back of his head and said, “I can get you some clothes from your room. Do you guys leave your door unlocked or do I need a key?” I forgot I had no pants on.

I thought, “The door is probably unlocked but I had a key in my pants I wore yesterday.” He nodded and I saw my pants laying there. He fished into them for my key and went to the bathroom to wash his hands. I looked down wondering why he was being so awkward about it.

Colt left the room as I went in their bathroom to make my stomach stop hurting. Mind me as I say that I pooped until I thought I couldn’t and then I pooped again. It went on for ten minutes. I waited until I felt good enough to be able to go back to my room. I opened the door and saw fresh pants and underwear on the ground. I picked them up, went back in the bathroom, and put them on.

I walked out and asked, “What happened that, er, made me have no pants?” I didn’t even think of the possibilities as I stood there dumbfounded in front of him.

Colt chuckled lightly, “I’m surprised you didn’t even wake up.” He shook his head in disbelief and got serious, “Well, you kind of,” He paused and looked up at me, “wet the bed during the night.”

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

I lied before. I had the chance to finish this chapter. I had so many ideas and where to carry the story that I spent all night writing. I hope you guys enjoy and hopefully I can get some feedback on the story. I’d really like to know if anyone likes the story or not. I feel like I’m just putting stuff out there and no one is actually into it. I really have no idea. So comments would be helpful. Thanks guys for reading.

Chapter 5

“Oh. I’m sorry.” No, this was not happening.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to undress you or anything without your consent. You just looked so peaceful sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you.” I flushed red and my eyes got watery. I didn’t cry but I said I was sorry a few more times. He just said it was fine and smiled at me. I don’t understand why he’d be sorry for me peeing on him but I shrugged that part off.

I picked up my wet clothes and left to my room. I took a shower and tried to sober up the best I could before school. I put on a bunch of makeup and tried to make my hair nice.

Silver looked me over, “You look decent enough.” I was okay with that. Unfortunately, I knew I had to talk to some people I didn’t want to talk to today.

In Chemistry I hid in my book the whole class out of embarrassment. I still couldn’t believe I peed on not just his bed, but also him. I didn’t mean to and regret the whole situation entirely.

At the end of class he hugged me, “I don’t know why you’re being so awkward today, but its okay. We’ll just be more careful next time, okay?” I nodded and a tear fell down my cheek. I really didn’t want to be at school but I knew I had to. At least tomorrow will be a Friday.

I had a talk with Mr. Veigel and Jessica during sixth hour. He walked me and Jessica out of class and made me apologize to her. I did and she was sent back into the room.

“Look, I don’t know what happened yesterday but I took the liberty of dismissing the truancy you were going to get from the principal for leaving the school.” My eye brows shot up in surprise, I didn’t know I would get a truancy. They usually only led to longer detentions, but still.

Mr. Veigel continued, “However,” I had a bad feeling that he was going to say more, “You have two, 2 hour detentions after school with me. When would you like to serve them?” We agreed to just get them out of the way afterschool that day and then Friday the next day. He told me, “I don’t want an issue coming up like this again. Now go back in there and start on your project.” I walked back into class and did just that.

I honestly didn’t know what to do for my project. Mr. Veigel said we could use any media we wanted. I saw some girls using magazines for collages. I picked some spare magazines up from Mr. Veigel’s bin. I still didn’t know what I was going to do for my project but picking out items for a collage would look like I’m at least attempting. I started out with just cutting random pictures that I liked out of magazines and found the color scheme.

I had a bunch of dark blues and blue-greens picked out. I began tearing articles and words that I found interesting to me. I tried to ‘dig deep’. I didn’t know if it worked though. The class drew near quickly and I found myself wondering why I picked out the crap I did.

Mr. Veigel said over my shoulder, “Have you decided on an idea yet?”

I looked up and shrugged, “Too be honest, not really. I just got a bunch of things that I liked.” I explained to him, a bit scared that I was going to be yelled at.

Mr. Veigel scratched his white stubble under his chin, “True artists don’t know what their art means until it’s complete. I like the route you’re taking.” He added before he walked away, “You remind me of someone I used to know.” The bell rang and I left confused.

I went to seventh hour and then came back to Mr. Veigel’s room to serve my detention. I set my back pack down and I walked over to his messy desk.

“Oh! Right. Almost forgot.” He walked around searching for something, “I was trying to think of something to have you do and the only things I could think of was either scraping gum off under the tables or working on your project.” He brought out an old spatula and handed it to me with a tray, “So you’re going to do both. After your done scraping then I want you to work on your project. I feel yours will require a bit more time than everyone else’s.” Mr. Veigel smiled at me.

There actually was hardly any gum to scrape. Also, there were only about 8 tables that had about four seats to each hence why it only took ten minutes. I spent the next hour just cutting out more pictures. Mr. Veigel brought out a thick cardboard 18 by 22 board.

“Can I have something a bit smaller like the other people?” Some people were painting small 8 by twelve pictures.

Mr. Veigel replied, “Oh, stop your complaining. You’re not even painting as much as the other students.” That was the truth. I was making a collage in a painting class after all. I was eventually going to paint black or something over the collage. I was going to have the issue of what to paint next unfortunately.

I finished getting some of my pictures collected and it was finally the end of my first two hour detention.

Mr. Veigel asked, “So do you at least have a good idea of what you’re doing now?”

I shrugged, “I honestly still have no idea.”

“You were cutting out pictures for two hours and you still don’t have any idea of at least some type of theme?”

I shook my head, “Not really. I just picked some pictures and text I like. That’s about it. Nothing new yet, unfortunately.” I repeated what I basically said earlier that day.

“Well I want you to at least think of an idea. Now leave so I can go home already.” He tried to lighten the mood. I felt bad that teachers had to stay after, but that was the pain they got for taking the job in the first place.

I left and was walking up the stairs to the second floor of dorms. I heard Colt’s voice and stopped, “How was the detention?” I turned around.

“It was alright.” I said shyly. He began walking with me up the stairs. We went to my dorm room. Silver rolled her eyes as we walked in.

“Don’t worry, I was just leaving. Unless you want to join me out at our spot.” She waved her bowl in front of us.

I wanted to, I looked up at Colt. Colt shook his head with a disappointed look on his face. I’d be disappointed too if I turned down a smoke.

I looked at Silver, “Yeah, I’ll join.”

Colt said with his eyebrows raised, “Oh, will you now?”

My mouth opened, “Do you not want to? You don’t even smoke anyways. I’ll just take a few puffs and leave. I promise I won’t get stoned.” I held up my pinky.

He folded his arms as he ignored my gesture, “I have something else better in mind.” Colt looked at Silver, “Is it okay if I steal her for the rest of the day?”

She smiled, “Of course. See you guys later.” Silver left.

I glared at him, “What’s there that is better to do than smoke?”

He sighed and took my hand, “Plenty of things actually.” He led us back to his dorm room.

I liked his dorm room better than me and Silvers. At least they had a TV to watch in their room unlike Silver and I. We only have beds and dressers. They had a futon, a TV, and other items that they brought from home. I didn’t really have much and Silver said she was too lazy to bring her bigger items in to share. She also said she didn’t know if she wanted to share with a stranger. As I recall her saying afterwards, “No offense intended”. Hopefully, Silver also said if she goes home for one of our longer breaks she’ll bring back some bean bag chairs or something.

I sat down on his futon and brought my legs up to my chest as he asked, “Do you like playing video games?” This was really the thing that he felt was a ‘great’ alternative to smoking?

The only video game I’ve ever played was Sims on the computer until the orphanage’s computer died. It was really old too. It was a dinosaur of its time considering it was donated in 2005. I’m pretty sure the year it was made was 2002 which would’ve made it to its tenth birthday before it died.

I huffed and looked to the window. Colt sighed, “Someone’s grumpy today, aren’t we?” I looked at him with a dry stare. He tickled under my chin and sat down. There was a good elbow length between us.

“What’s wrong?” He inquired.

I glared at him to the point where it looked like my eye was almost twitching “Is playing games on your X-box really your plan to spend the evening? I stayed at the school for more hours than I can handle. Let me make this clear to you: I. Want. To. Smoke.”

He gave me his ‘oh really?’ look, “Well then. I think someone might need a nap in the near future. But let me also make this clear to you: I. Want. To. Talk. To. A. Normal. Jasper. Not. A. High. One.”

Well, at least we were getting our true thoughts out. Why would he give a fuck? I’m not making him smoke with me, “Why though? What’s so important that it has to ruin my day?”

Colt looked hurt for a moment. His paused and looked like he was thinking. His eyes drifted to my socks. Colts hand brushed against my foot as he smiled in thought, “Steve says it’s obvious.” His eyes drifted to meet mine, “He says if I keep up with what I’ve been doing I’m going to scare you away, but I just can’t help myself when I’m around you.”

He looked at me waiting for some type of response out of me. I asked what he was waiting for, “Huh? What’s obvious?” I didn’t want to jump to conclusions considering I knew the moment I saw him that he was too good for me.

Colt sighed, “Do I really have to say it out loud?” His hand traced the bottom of my sock and it tickled. I nodded shyly.

He smiled, “Well, I like you, if you couldn’t already tell. I don’t know how many signs I have to stick on my forehead to show you.” Colts eyes went dark as if he forgot something.

My mind went blank and I didn’t understand how this was happening. This beautiful, but oh so damn mysterious creature was telling me he liked me? I couldn’t accept that to even bubble up in my thoughts. My mouth opened and closed because I didn’t know what to say. Was this the part I should say I liked him back? What was supposed to come next? I sat there looking at him stare at my sock as he kept tracing around the edge.

Colt glanced up at me, “I shouldn’t have said anything, should I have? I know you probably hate me, but I had to get it out of my mind. The internal battle on if or when I should tell you was killing me.”

I looked at him wide eyed and looked down trying to collect my thoughts. His stare was too intense to think under. It was one of those moments I just couldn’t find my words, as if I was lost in my own universe.

Five minutes must have went by because he stopped tracing the edge of my sock, “Hello?” He said softly.

I looked up at him and said in a small voice, “Sorry. It’s just the first moment I saw you I knew there was no chance in hell from you liking me.” His mouth dropped open.

“Are you kidding me? You? The first moment I saw you there was this attraction I couldn’t describe. I just knew I needed to say something to you to leave my mark on the new girl. Unfortunately, the only thing I could say was ‘need a fork’.” He shook his head with a laugh as the tension lifted, “I still can’t describe the feelings I have towards you. I don’t understand them. Not one bit.” I nodded in attempt at saying something but lost my words on the matter. My mind scattered to millions of different things.

He took my silence at the chance to continue, “At first glance I thought, ‘Oh, she’s just a normal girl. Nothing new. I’ll carry on to my business as usual.’” Colt paused to make sure I wasn’t offended, which I wasn’t.

He continued, “Then I began to study you and realized something people don’t pick up on easily.” He moved a bit closer, “You had this look to you. This gaze that I just couldn’t comprehend. As I watched you look for those stupid damn forks I could see some glimmer of something I still can’t describe. It made me wonder who or what was this girl. Who was this Jasper?” I looked up at him and his face was solemn. He held some type of depth in his eyes with words he wanted to say.

I found words as I breathed in some confidence, “So did you figure it out?” I asked lightly. I wanted to keep hear him talk about it. It interested me what his first thoughts were of me.

Colt shook his head, “No. That’s what I don’t get. All girls that I’ve met before are all the same: Bitchy. Talkative. Loud. Conceded. Too nice to seem real. Obnoxious at times. Do you want to know the one thing they all had in common?” I nodded, “They are all too easy to figure out. Most just looking for themselves. Trying to have friends to look cool. Trying to have a boyfriend to make themselves seem wanted. Trying to make their lives more dramatic than it actually is. Every girl I’ve talked to I’ve lost interest in five minutes of conversation because I figured them out and they bored me. Some girls only talk about other girls. Some talk about their exs. Some don’t stop talking. Some hate everything. Some can’t stop complaining. I get who they are easily. It’s something I’m good at. You know, figuring girls out. If I can figure them out in a five minute conversation, then there’s nothing left to say.”

He paused as he took in my reaction to his huge explanation and then continued, “That’s why I haven’t had a girlfriend yet. What’s a relationship for if you can guess everything they’re going to say or do?”

Colt shrugged and stared at me. That was the longest thing I’ve ever heard from him before. I’ve never heard any guy say that before. It surprised me coming from a guy who usually confused the shit out of me.

I shrugged in reply, “Maybe to talk to or something. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never dated anyone.”

Colt looked like a great weight was lifted off his shoulders, “So no evil exs I should be worried about? It’s not going to end up like in Scott Pilgrim, right?” I giggled and shook my head.

I got serious and said, “I never said I liked you back.” I sat there with a straight face as I looked him in the eyes, trying to keep my composure from not breaking into a smile.

He stopped smiling and what I said sunk in. I began laughing and he realized I was joking, “You little shit. You think it’s funny to scare me like that?” He looked at me with a grin.

I just nodded and said, “Don’t worry though, its mutual.” Our eyes met. A smile spread across his face.

I tried to delude the situation because I wasn’t up for kissing yet, “I still don’t understand why it’s your deal if I smoke or not.” I looked over at him as he went from happy to blank.

“I like you and that should be enough. I like talking to you. The real you, Jasper.”

I shrugged, “Well I don’t like me. So that only makes one of us.” Colt gave me his look. It was a look mixed with curiosity and pain. I don’t get why it would hurt him.

“Why?” He asked with a hoarse voice.

I gave him a look I didn’t mean to make, “What do you mean ‘why’?”

He gasped, “What’s not to like about you? It’s hard to think you wouldn’t like yourself.”

I looked away, “I fuck up everything. People always leave me. I’d even like to leave me, but I’m too much of a coward to even try.”

I didn’t even try to meet his eyes after that, “I highly doubt you fuck up anything. You don’t have any control over who leaves. It’s just,” He scratched the back of his head, “something that happens when people pass away. You’ve just had it rough too young. You shouldn’t give up on yourself though. There’s so much damn hope for you, and you should know that. We’re young and you’re beautiful in every aspect.”

I ignored his compliment. My eyes switched from him back to the floor. I didn’t want to deal with this shit. Can’t he just steer away from topics about me for one god damn moment? I’m tired of his shit. He doesn’t have to lie.

“I need to smoke.” I said quietly.

“What? Why?”

“Stop.” I held up my hand and then got up.

Colt got up to stop me from leaving, “No, Jasper. I want you to stop. You need someone to stop you from damaging your life, and if I have to be the one to stop you, I will do just that.” His stare was strong as he held my gaze.

He didn’t seem to get why this was making me mad, “And you think you have the right? You don’t get it. You don’t get how hard it is.”

Colt snapped, “I do more than you damn know, Jasper.” I got how he liked saying my name to get his point across. Whenever I looked away as he was talking every time he said my name he would catch my gaze.

“How so?” We were almost yelling at each other at that point.

He paused and looked hurt as he said in a lower tone, “Because my mom passed away too. I get how much it hurts to lose a parent. And I couldn’t imagine losing both of them like you. But you don’t need to smoke and drink the feelings away. I’ve been there and I don’t want to go back. I still will once in a while but it isn’t for the same reasons.” Colt’s hand traced my tight jaw line, “Just stop for me. Please.”

I pushed his hand away, “It’s none of your concern what I do with my life. If you think you have any impact to what I do then you’re fooling both of us.” After I said it I regretted it.

He looked pained, as if something stabbed him. Then his face went blank. He acted like it didn’t affect him anymore, “Fine. Then go and smoke. Don’t come back. When you’re you again I’ll be sitting here waiting.” Colt sat down and stared at his clasped hands.

Now that one hit me hard in the heart. It stung. I didn’t know what to do. I stood there for a second and then I left his room. My eyes got all watery as I silently passed some freshman in the hallway. I brushed away a small tear that fell. I needed to smoke. I needed to take away the pain. I needed something that could take it out of my system.

I stopped at the stairs. I knew if I left it’d be making a mistake. I knew it’d cost me. I was torn. Should I smoke and take it away? Or should I go back? How would I even face him? How would I face him any day? I didn’t know. I just knew I’d needed to distract my thoughts.

I walked down the stairs. I walked outside the doors to the spot we go to smoke. I found Silver and Steve making out and I cleared my throat to get their attention. They looked at me in surprise like I found out there most prized secret. I honestly didn’t give a fuck. I just wanted to smoke.

“Have any bud left?” Silver nodded her head and passed me the bowl with a confused look on her face as she studied me. I lit up and inhaled. I closed my eyes and wiped away another falling tear.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

I like your story. It’s very well-written. Please continue.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

Sorry I forgot to comment on the last couple chapters. I know how it feels when people don’t comment.

I’m really enjoying the story. It’s very different for the Abel genre you’re posting in. It also huts a spot in me that I’d rather not discuss, so its powerful to me. Keep writing. I’m like it. :slight_smile:

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl


Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

Gee. Well, thanks guys! It’s nice to hear that my story is well-written. Honestly, from writing online for this site it has improved my writing skills significantly. I actually was a horrible writer when I began on here and I can see how much it has developed in the past five years. I hated writing before this. I don’t know if that’s surprising or not but I love writing now. This has turned into a hobby of mine. Its nice that there is a good audience on here which helps a lot too. So thanks guys for reading.

Chapter 6

[i]Eyes. Blue eyes. Looking at me. With confusion. With curiosity. With affection.

“Just stop for me. Please.”

Pained blue eyes. [/i]

The alarm broke me away from the dream. I got up and turned it off then took a shower. Everything from yesterday hit me. I can’t believe all that happened. Fuck. To top it all off I forgot that Steve and Silver were secretly making out. I remember while we were all high they kept telling me that I couldn’t tell anyone. Then we’d all laugh at each others’ paranoia.

I walked out of the bathroom as Silver reminded me, “Just remember dude. Don’t say anything.”

I nodded and collapsed back on my bed as she got ready. I needed to smoke this day away. Immediately.

I told Silver, “Hey, I’m going to smoke real quick. Want to come with?”

She looked at me like I was crazy, “We just smoked yesterday. Are you really going to go to school like that?” I walked out the door with my bowl and Silver’s weed in hand. I didn’t need any more confrontation about this.

I smoked a lot. I took big puffs after big puffs. Inhale and exhale. Forgetting to forget. In one moment, out the other. Drifting my mind into the calm abyss. I was absolutely stoned when I finally decided enough was enough.

I walked into the lunch room and looked for Silver. She wasn’t at her seat. All I knew was that I was hungry. I got food and sat there forgetting what I was trying to remember. Oh. Yeah. Where’s Silver again? I was probably a tad later but there were a lot of people around.

I ate hungrily thinking this was the best cafeteria breakfast I’ve ever had. Who knew that cereal was this good? I looked over and found Silver. She was talking to Steve at his table. I couldn’t remember why I shouldn’t look there but I did. I wondered why Colt wasn’t there like he usually was. I shrugged it off. Hours passed by as I spaced out. It felt like it was later in the day when I began wondering what hour I was in.

I asked Sebastian as he walked in the Chemistry room and sat at our lab table, “What hour is it?”

He smiled, “Its third hour. You high or something? Jesus Christ you look out of it.”

I laughed and nodded, “Yeah. I’m still going down from being stoned. Fuck. It feels like nighttime or something.” I said as I looked out the window at the school’s courtyard.

“You okay, man? You look like you got no sleep last night. Jesus. Don’t tell me I’m going to have to be the only one working on the lab today.” I turned around and thought he was talking to me. Nope, he was just talking to Colt.

I turned back to the window. Then I realized that Colt was there. I turned back around in my chair. I looked at him and remembered the reason why I dreaded the day in the first place. He caught my stare. Oh. If I weren’t high I’d probably look away, but I couldn’t help but stare with a ridiculous smile on my face.

He shook his head as if he were confused. He did look horrible with his blue hair flat and dull on his head. It didn’t even look like he brushed his hair this morning. Colt had some serious dark circles under his eyes.

He cocked his head in question, “Wait. Are you fucking high right now?” He said it in a hushed voice as if it was a secret. I nodded and grinned some more. He looked at the teacher to dodge my stupid high fixation I had on him. He looked kind of angry. It was almost like he was disappointed in me in a way.

The teacher was explaining the lab and I couldn’t help but stare off. I just didn’t get why he would be mad. It’s my life. He can suck it if he doesn’t like what I do with it. He just needs to chill out.

The teacher lady let us work on our labs and Colt turned around, "Why are you doing this to yourself? Can’t you just stay out of that shit for one day?"He gave me a stern look.

I dryly laughed, “Dude. You need to calm down. It’s okay. A little smoke isn’t going to kill me. I’m fine. No, I’m better than fine.” I smiled with my teeth.

Colt gave me an unbelievable look and said, “No, you obviously aren’t. We’ll talk later when you aren’t fucking stoned.” He shook his head and asked me in a tense voice, “God damn, Jasper. Don’t you understand that it hurts me seeing you like this constantly?” He hit his hand to the table which made me jump.

Sebastian jumped in, “What’s with you two these past weeks? Holy shit you guys need to calm yourselves.”

I shrugged and decided it’d be best if I were silent for the rest of the class. I kept quiet and just stared off. I listened to Colt and Sebastian silently talked. I decided to tune it out and not give a fuck.

When fifth hour came around I came back to my senses slowly by the end of the hour. I was still a bit dizzy but I was fine. The bell rang and I knew I didn’t want to see Colt at all. I guess I’d just have to take the whole hour.

I sat down at me and Silvers table. She already had her stuff out. I brought my board out from the rack and looked at it from a stand point. It was turning out well for once. I couldn’t help but not understand what I was doing with it. I cocked my head and folded my arms wondering where I should take it. There were only a few glued down pieces so far but there was still time to turn around. Mr. Veigel adjusted the due date to next Thursday since some kids were already half way done the second day into the project. I guess kids got into it and they took their projects back to their dorms. Lucky shits for knowing what they were doing.

I sat down and got started on some more of the project as the bell rang. I kept my head down and concentrated as well as I could. I really wish Colt’s table wasn’t in front of ours and we weren’t facing each other. It was very flattering to look up to find his eyes. At the same time it sucked that I had to try to not look into his eyes on days he was mad at me. That was the pain in the ass of having a weird relationship with someone in two classes. Literally and figuratively.

The worst part was that I felt him staring at me. I decided to challenge the idea of looking up. My neck was hurting anyways. I looked up to find him not staring at me. My breathing staggered and my eyes closed. I opened them to look back at my collage. I didn’t want to be here, not one damn bit.

My vision blurred a little as I tried not to cry. I had to leave. My nails scratched my arms.

Silver looked at me and asked quietly, “Jasper, are you okay?” I couldn’t even tilt my head in the slightest direction towards her. I didn’t even attempt to answer. I was scared I was going to begin crying.

I got up and went over to Mr. Veigel, “Can I use the restroom?” He gave me a pass.

I went in the bathroom and leaned on the sink as I looked into the mirror. I told myself, “Don’t you fucking cry, you piece of shit.” I probably repeated it for five minutes until tears spilled down my face.

Someone came in the bathroom. It was Silver. She hugged me, “What’s wrong? You’ve been weird today.”

I shook my head, “I can’t tell you Silver. I’m fucked up. Please, just let me be.” I looked away from her concerned stare.

She nodded and said, “Well it’s been like ten minutes and Mr. Veigel told me to see if you’re okay. Just calm down and come back to class. Okay?”

I wiped my eyes and nodded. I splashed some water on my face and inhaled a fresh breathe of air.

“Okay. I’m fine.” She cocked her head at me not believing me for a second, “Really, let’s just go.”

We came back in class. I sat down and caught his stare. He could tell. He knew what my freshly tear stained face looked like all too well. His eyes held a twinkle of hurt and he looked like he wanted to say something.

I put my board on the rack as the bell rang. I picked up my bag and was stopped in my tracks.

“Can we talk?” Colts eyes held mine.

I opened my mouth and closed it. I just nodded my head as we walked out of the class.

Colt slowed down and leaned on a locker. I stood there silently as he said, “Look, I’m sorry. I know it’s none of my business if you don’t want me part of your life. But I’m not going to sit around and be constantly wondering where you are every damn second. Its worries me.” He studied me, “I just want you to be happy and it kills me to see you like this. You even got Steve worrying about you. And that’s hard to do.” He attempted to make a joke.

I looked at the ground. I just wanted to sleep. I decided to speak up, “I want you,” I looked around for people; the hallways were clearing, “to be part of my life in some way. But I just fuck up. I can’t help it. But I’m going to be late to class and I already am in enough shit for leaving the other day.”

I looked up at him and he looked relieved. Colt nodded, “Okay. Can we talk some more later? Please.” He sounded almost desperate.

I nodded and then I walked fast to my seventh hour. I made it in right before the bell rang. I sighed as I sat down. I wonder what he, oh so desperately, wanted to talk about. First he tells me to leave then he wants to talk again? Maybe I should have another smoke before we talk.

After school I went to serve my last two hour detention. I came in and asked, “Anything I need to do today other than work on my project?”

Mr. Veigel shook his head, “No. Just work on your project. I’m pretty sure you have enough time to even finish it today if you work hard enough.” I nodded my head and brought my board out.

The first hour went by incredibly fast. I actually finished the collaging part of it. I decided to finally get into the painting portion of it finished with. I took some black and white paint. I don’t know what type of abstract painting I got myself into but when I finished I stepped back to look at it. I scratched my head and looked at the time. It was nearing the end of my detention.

Mr. Veigel walked over to my project and inspected it. He patted me on the back, “It turned out good. Hopefully, you know the meaning behind it now. If not, I hope you figure out some meaning by next Thursday. We’re doing art critiques on them.” He looked at his watch, “If you clean up and put your board away I’ll waive off the next ten minutes so we can just leave. I’m getting tired of seeing you in my art room.” I smiled at his dry humor. I’ve got to say that I’ve grown to like Mr. Veigel as a teacher.

I did what he said and said over my shoulder as I left, “See you Monday, Mr. Veigel.”

“Bye, Jasper. Stay out of trouble.”

I walked outside and it was so beautiful of a day out. I could smell the approaching autumn Arizona weather. It was still warm but complimented with a light breeze. I had to smile as I walked to the dorms. It surprised me that I was smiling rather than depressed. It must be just the weather lifting some of my spirits up a tad bit.

I walked into the entrance of the dorms and heard laughter from the lounge room below the stairs. I couldn’t help but glance at the origin of the sound. I was stopped in my trail to find Silver, Steve, Sebastian and Colt sitting on the couches with a few other people I didn’t know. I waved at Silver and she motioned for me to sit by her.

I said, “Let me set my bag down and I’ll be right down.” She nodded and went back to her conversation with Steve. Colt got up and walked over to me. I knew I had to speak to him. Might as well just get over it, right? I nodded at him to follow as I went to my dorm room.

I set my backpack down on my bed, “What do you want to talk about?” I began fishing for my chap stick since I couldn’t stop biting my lips. Chap stick was good at making me stop at least one of my bad habits.

I heard him close the door. I glanced behind me after I found my chap stick. He said, “A lot of things.”

Colt watched me apply my chap stick as he continued, “Do you like me Jasper?”

I looked down, “I don’t know anymore.”

“Explain.” He sat down on my bed, put his elbows on his thighs, and looked up at me waiting for me to say something.

“I have to pee. One sec.”

He grabbed my wrist, “Sit down and explain. I’m not waiting anymore.” Colt said in an incredibly rough voice. I was pulled down onto my bed. And he was sitting here wondering why I don’t know?

“Because you pull shit like this.” I rubbed my recently tugged on wrist, “You don’t have to be so harsh, you know? If you want a girlfriend, that’s not how it works.”

My confidence that I just had turned to unease as I saw the ‘wrath of Colt’ stare. His eyes pierced with harsh words spewing from his sweet lips, “Who said I want a girlfriend? Who said I wanted that type of relationship? What if I wanted a more dominating role? What if I think someone needs another damn good spanking?”

I gasped. I didn’t want us to leap to that. No, I could not take that again. That hurt too much. It lasted too long. It made me hurt for far longer than it should have. I shook my head in an anxious attempt to flee anything but that.

I said in a stuttered voice, “I-I’ll tell the office.”

His eyebrows went up and he laughed loudly, “Really now? Do you really believe that?” I nodded, unsure if I actually would.

Colt nodded to the door, “Then go. If you are ‘so sure’.”

I sat there and couldn’t feel anymore helpless. I opened my mouth and only a whimper came out. I knew I wasn’t that evil. I had conflicting feelings for him. I was utterly scared of him, but I had this weakness for him I couldn’t describe. I respected him in a way. At the same time, I wanted to stop as hard as I could on his foot and huff at him.

His face twisted into a lions smile, “Exactly.” I was just a small bunny for slaughter.

I whimpered again and said in a squeaky voice, “Please, don’t.” I scooted away from him.

His eyes were burning with rage, “Well. If we don’t want that then what is your punishment going to be?” I opened my mouth and shut it. There was an alternative to a spanking? He didn’t mean… like sexual stuff, right? My mind went to horrible things. I didn’t want that type of alternative. I’ve never got into that stuff and I don’t plan to.

I said nervously, “You don’t mean like-” I looked shyly away, “like anything sexual. Right?” My lip quivered as I scooted a bit more away from him in horror.

His reaction scared me more than when he offered another spanking. Colts eyes went confused and then they were enraged. He looked disgusted, “What? No. Hell no. Not like that. I never would make you do that.” He shook his head, “I’m not like that, Jasper. I don’t know how many times I have to explain that. I’m not a fucking sick pig. I have some damn good morals if you didn’t get that already.” His eyes flashed at me and he shook his head.

I let out a huge breathe of air. I was so damn relieved but also embarrassed that my mind even went there. I was just beginning to think he had a fetish or something. I couldn’t describe what he had but it didn’t seem that sexual now that I think of it.

I asked, “Why do I even need a punishment? I didn’t do anything. I swear to god I didn’t.” I held up my hands in defense to ease his anger.

Colt laughed to himself, “You honestly think you didn’t do anything?” He looked out the window as he tried to stop laughing, "You obviously are oblivious. Let’s see. First, you go off on a girl in art class a few days ago. Next, you go off on me. After that, you smoke when I told you not to. On top of all that, you go smoke this morning even though you know, "He shook his head and dryly laughed, “that it fucking hurts me. It does, so much more than you understand.” Colt went serious. He took a long look at me.

Colt said, “Now, I’m going to be brutally honest here. Every time I see or hear about you smoking, you better expect a spanking. Fortunately for you, I have an alternative I thought of.”

I sighed, “What’s the alternative?” I couldn’t believe I was still here, asking for a easier punishment. It’s not like I wanted a punishment. So why was I still sitting here taking this shit? I knew I could leave, but I couldn’t force myself to do it. Frankly, I knew I wouldn’t even make it a foot without being tossed across his lap.

“You’ll just have to find out. It’s either accept the alternative and whatever it might be or take your pants off and get your ass over here.” He patted his lap. His glare didn’t die down. My nerves spiked up again.

I shook my head, “Can I have a moment to think?”

“No.” His eyes flared at me.

“The alternative then.” I said quickly. I cringed wondering what it would be.

Colt looked as if he knew I was going to say that. He got up and extended his hand to me, “Then let’s go to my room.” My breathing staggered as I was guided back to his room.

“Sit.” He pointed to his bed as he closed and locked the door behind me.

I sat down with my anxiety spiking to new heights. I didn’t know what could be worse than a spanking but I said the same thing about the dentist when I was younger. Colt was in the bathroom as I waited. I didn’t know what he kept in there but it scared me. I kept biting my lip. I searched my pockets and found I forgot to bring my damn chap stick. I huffed at my stupidity.

The light in the bathroom switched off and Colt walked out, “What are you huffing about this time?” He walked towards me as I blushed. He had some items in his hands. I couldn’t see because he had his hands hidden behind him.

“Lay down.” I was frozen trying to see what he had, I hesitated. His voice went louder, “Now.”

I scooted back a bit and laid down. He kneeled on the bed, “Scoot.” He tapped my knee. I crawled backwards until I could lay my head on his pillow.

“There we go, good girl.” Colt laid a few items he had in his hands on the bed. He reached over and began unbuttoning my jeans. I couldn’t see what he set on the bed because he blocked my view. I protested with a whimper that he just ignored. I didn’t get why both punishments resulted in me with no pants.

Colt pulled my pants off and that’s when I saw the items he set down. I got confused. I didn’t believe what I was seeing. There was something white, wipes and then “Johnson’s Baby Powder” as it said on the label. I had to look at the white soft looking thing stupidly for a good minute until I realized it was a diaper. I cocked my head at Colt with a confused look.

“Huh.” I said silently to myself as Colts hands tugged on my underwear. They slid under my bottom since I wouldn’t lift my butt. It scared me so I jumped. His hands were cold on my bottom but gentle.

He pulled my underwear off. My legs closed and I pulled them up to my chest. Never would I have thought I’d be sitting here waist down naked in front of him. It never popped into my mind that the guy who offered me a fork would have spanked me and then diapered me a month later.

Did I just say he was going to diaper me? I felt my cheeks go warm. My mouth opened slightly as I looked at him helplessly. He was smiling as if he were content with this awkward situation.

Colt tugged on my leg to try and unravel my curled up position. I yelped. He cocked his head at me, “Come on now. We’re almost done. Do you want to sit here like this all night?” I shook my head. Not at all.

I sat up as he pulled my legs down so they were resting across from each other with a good elbow length between them. This was extremely uncomfortable. Colt pushed me down on my back gently. I looked up at their ceiling in bleak embarrassment. I could feel my eyes get watery. Seriously? Was I going to cry twice in one day?

I felt a tickle on my bottom and he patted the underneath of my thigh. Did he want me to lift myself to put it underneath? I lifted my butt slightly hoping that’s what he wanted. The thing was slid under me. I didn’t want to think about what it was called since I felt like any second tears would be running down my face.

A light powdery scent hit the air. I knew the powder was being sprinkled on my private regions. I just didn’t want to accept it. I accepted it once I felt light pats on my stomach and lower parts. It tickled too. I couldn’t take the idea that he was doing this. I couldn’t believe he was patting powder on my vulnerable spots. At least I shaved down there.

I felt a tear violate my wishes to not cry and more fell. I sniffed and felt the soft but thick inside of the diaper being pulled over and taped on. It felt like it was too far up on my stomach and back. The diaper was thicker than I imagined. It was all new to me.

I wiped away some tears and just laid there. Colt began cooing me as he wiped the powder he had on his hands onto his jeans, “There, there. Hey, look, were all done now.” He climbed over to my side and propped himself up on one elbow on my left. His free hand pulled down my shirt and he smiled.

He tickled my stomach and I squirmed, “All better now, aren’t we? Hmmm?” He tickled my tummy some more and a giggle escaped my lips, “See, all better. My poor baby having all these tantrums lately. Can’t have that, can we?” I sniffed and his finger brushed a tear away. I felt so belittled by him and I couldn’t stop crying in front of him. I just wanted to hide away from his stare, so I hid my face into his shirt.

Colt chuckled softly, I felt his hand trace down my back to the edge of the diaper. He lightly played with it and his hand kept gliding around my bottom. It was a soft tickling and I squirmed. It made Colt chuckle some more. I felt him kiss the top of my head.

I looked up and he said, “Awh. Look who’s calmed down. Are you done hiding in my shirt? I may have to begin charging you for hiding there.” His lips spread into a smile. I sat up and reached for my pants.

“Hey, no.” Colt grabbed them before me and threw them on the ground.

“Huh?” My voice was scratchy.

“No pants.” He gave me a stern look as I gazed at him tiredly.

I was too tired to ask him why. I just sat Indian style on his bed and looked at my mismatched socks. I tried pulling my tank top and shirt down far enough to cover my diaper. I was drowning in my own little world. He just sat there and looked at me. His eyes studied me, as if he were trying to savor the moment. I was too lost to understand how awkward the moment could have been if I wasn’t spaced out thinking.

I came back into it and decided to speak my mind, “Why, erm,” I timidly glanced up to him and then back to my socks, “this?” I lifted my tank top a little to show I was talking about the diaper.

Colt moved around on the bed as he sat up and got comfortable. He brought a few pillows behind him to prop himself up and then he clapped his hands.

He held them open for me. “Story time. Come here, little bunny.” Was this my new nickname? Gosh, I felt a tickle in my stomach. No, I still can’t admit I like him.

I crawled over to him and he pulled me into his lap. After a bit of situating I found myself curled up, actually comfortably, in his lap. I was a few inches away from his face. I had to sniff in his forest fresh scent. Mhm. It was dreamy.

“You like stories, right?” I nodded as I pressed the side of my face onto his chest.

“Well I have a bit of a long one, so you better listen up, little one.” I nodded again and he went into his story, “It’s about myself. I know I haven’t told you much about me, but I do remember telling you something important. I feel I have to explain a lot to you in order for you to understand, so please don’t judge me until you hear the full story. Got that?” I picked my head up to look him in the eyes and nod. I haven’t judged him for spanking me and the situation I’m in now, so what could be worse?

I nuzzled my head back into his chest as he went into his tale, “Four years ago my mother died. It tore me to pieces. I couldn’t believe it. It was out of the blue. It was a snowy December day. It was just like any other day. I was sitting there watching TV. Then I get a call from my dad randomly. He’s crying on the other line.” I look up at him as he takes in a sharp breath, “He says there was a horrible accident. My brother picks me up and we rush to the hospital. We were too late. She was already gone.”

Colt’s voice was calm as he added, “I couldn’t believe that in one moment you’re sitting there as if it’s any day and the next someone so close to you dies. I just couldn’t accept it.”

I could feel Colt hesitate recalling the moment, “My dad said he talked to her before she passed on. He said she told him to tell me that she loved me and that no one is important but the ones who accept me for being me. I didn’t get that. I mean, at the time I didn’t have much friends because I was really quiet. I didn’t talk to much people at my old middle school.” He shook his head in thought, “I remember her telling me that if people didn’t like me that they weren’t truly meant to be there a few months before she died. It really didn’t mean anything to me then. Now it means so much to me and it hurts that I never told her it did. I looked up to her in a way. She was very caring, brilliant, self-less, thoughtful and sweet. You two would get along. No doubt.” He cocked his head to look at me in thought.

“Growing up everyone always told me I was just like her in so many ways. After her death, my brother told me that talking to me always helped him because I even had the same morals as she did. I guess I have ‘her eyes’ as everyone says. I believe I have her eye color but also I do believe I have some of my dad in me. I really couldn’t tell you. I hope I’m like her, though. I try to be as hard as I can. She was a natural mother, you know? She never had a girl like she wanted, but she did have me. I feel like she also passed her gift to me. If I ever have kids I feel as if I’d be a natural father to them just like she was to me and my brother. It feels like something I was born to do. It’s weird, I know.”

I shook my head, “No, it’s not.”

Colt smiled warmly, “I guess.” His eyes studied me as he continued, “But, back to the point of the story. I went to drinking and drugs after her death. I had more friends who didn’t actually like me in middle school. Freshman year here I carried on with it. After Freshman year I stopped and got myself together.” I shifted to get a bit more comfortable as I listened. I kind of felt the need to pee.

“Every summer when I came back home I would babysit. My older cousin took summer college classes and was close to getting her degree so it was either me or my brother to babysit these little toddlers. My brother already had a job so I took it. After the first summer I realized I missed it. I didn’t understand why. I guess I liked caring for them. A few months into the school year I had dreams. Dreams about babying not just little toddlers but actual women.” He shook his head, “I didn’t understand it, but when I woke up I found I missed the dreams. I began daydreaming of women in diapers.”

He paused and explained, “I don’t want you to mix this up with actual kids and adults. I didn’t dream of kids, it was strictly women not little girls. I’m not that way. Just to clear that up. I know where your head swims at times.” I rolled my eyes and nodded that I wasn’t taking it that way.

“I began online after a good year of dreams and daydreaming. It was Freshman year by this time. I found there was a whole community of people like me. My daydreaming wasn’t really a ‘fetish’ exactly. It’s so much deeper than that. I’d just call it that for escaping the deeper side to it. I read stories and stories of this babying ‘fetish’ I had. It made me feel less of a freak. It also made me feel needy of a girlfriend that I could do these things with. I knew I was fucked though. Until I saw you that first night we all smoked.” I picked my head up to look at him. This was confusing and a lot to take in at one time. It made so much more sense though.

“That night I had a dream about you. I shrugged it off the next morning but every time I saw you I couldn’t help but smile.” I heard the grin leaking through his voice, “I had more dreams of you and me. Some were just us kissing. Others were me changing you into a diaper. One was of me spanking you which actually inspired me to do spank you a few days later.” I fidgeted growing a bit thirsty and in need of a pee. I couldn’t speak up though because I wanted to hear him finish his story.

“I can’t believe we ended up here though. It amazes me that somehow you keep getting tangled back with me. I was a bit forceful, I must admit. But, can you tell me that you aren’t happy that I did do what I did?” Colts eyes swept over me.

I yawned, “No. I guess not.”

He smiled, “Don’t tell me your tired now? You sleep too much as it is.” His hand slipped down to the pattern on my diaper. He traced the edges.

“Nuh-uh. I have to pee really badly and I’m kinda thirsty.” I looked up at him. I was tired, too. Also, it’d take some time to get used to everything he just told me. Man, I needed some me time.

"Here, I’ll get you something to drink."He began to get up.

“And I’ll go pee, isn’t dinner soon?” I asked. I looked at the time. It was already 5:30.

He grabbed my hand, “You aren’t allowed to use the restroom. You have something on you for that. We’ll go eat soon, and we’ll just wait to get you a drink there. I wasn’t watching the time.” I shifted on the bed. I wasn’t allowed to use the restroom? I really had to pee. I’ve never been told I can’t. So does that mean I have to go in the diaper? No, no chance in hell that’s going to happen. He wasn’t serious.

My eyes looked up to his in bleak horror, and his face didn’t crack into a smile as I was hoping. He was dead serious. I guess it made sense to the new things he just told me. I just didn’t take into consideration that he meant he like actually changing diapers on girls. Not just putting diapers on them.

Colt grabbed my pants on the ground and said, “Let’s get these pants on you so we can go eat.” He smiled as he sat on the edge of his bed. I stood up and held out my hands to take them to put them on. He shook his head and held open the left leg of my jeans for me. I put my weight on his shoulder as I stepped into them.

I asked, “So. Erm. You weren’t kidding about this whole thing, were you?”

As he tugged the pants over the diaper, he said, “Nope. It’s a little secret of mine. It’s a genuine hobby that I finally get to be a part of.” He smiled at me as he zipped up my pants, “Do you think I’m insane yet?” Colt made it seem like a joke but his eyes looked deep in thought. I think he was secretly anxious about what I thought.

I shrugged, “I thought you were insane from the day you promised to spank me. It really hasn’t changed.” I grinned.

“You think since you have pants on that you can get playful with me now? Don’t you?” He tickled my stomach. My pants were tight and I wanted to change into sweats. The pants were too skinny and light layered to hide what was underneath.

“Can we go to my room real quick to grab sweat pants?” I asked politely.

“Your pants do look a bit uncomfortable. So yes, I guess we can.” I was surprised that he actually agreed. We went to my room and he helped me out of my pants. Then he helped me, once again, into my sweats.

Colt began pulling my black baggy sweatpants on right as we heard people approach. He hurried up and pulled them up all the way right as the door opened. I blushed as Steve and Silver walked in. They didn’t see anything, but it was a close one.

Colt said, “Hey guys, we were just going to dinner.” He stood up casually.

One thing Colt was good at was that he could avoid looking guilty of something. Unfortunately, that was the field I lacked talent in. Silver and Steve were high. You could see it in their dilated eyes. They were holding hands and smiling at each other.

“Okay, we’ll come with. Just let me go to the bathroom and then we’ll go.” Silver said. Man, I was jealous that she could use the bathroom and smoke whenever she wanted.

Steve glanced at us, “So what were you two kids doing in here?” He raised his eyebrow at us. I blushed and looked down at my feet.

Colt said, “Cuddling of course. What were you two doing out there?” He directed the question back to Steve.

“A little bit of smoking and a lot of kissing.” He smiled at his new bragging rights he had over his new girlfriend.

Colt laughed, “Oh. I bet Silver’s washing out her mouth right now.” Steve joined in and I couldn’t help but let out a little giggle myself at Colt’s attempt to attack Steve’s obnoxious bragging.

Silver came out, “What are you guys laughing at?” She looked at Steve.

Steve said, “Just my amazing tongue skills. That’s all.”

She rolled her eyes, “I don’t know about that.” We all laughed and then fled to dinner.

We ended up sitting at Colt’s table and I could feel glares from our usual table. Our old friends were probably wondering what happened to us. To be quite honest, I wouldn’t know how to explain what was happening.

As I ate I tried not to drink much. It actually worked out well because before I knew it we were back in Colt’s room. I still had the strong urge to go pee but I hid it well enough.

Colt’s eyes watched me, “Do you want to spend the night with me here tonight?” I needed to be alone honestly. I get that he wanted to ‘spend time with me’ or whatever, but I needed some alone time. Too many things happened in one week.

I shook my head, “I can’t.” Colt’s eyes flashed in anger and I continued hurriedly, “It’s just, so much happened this week, you know? I need some alone time. More than you’d understand. You’ve told me a lot today and I really need to think things over for a couple days. Please.”

He scratched the back of his head in thought. He nodded, “Okay. You’re right. I’ve been a bit forceful these past few days and I guess it’d be good for you to think a little. I’ll leave you alone for a few days if you truly believe you need that.”

I smiled and hugged him, “Thank you.” I tried pulling away but he held me there and kissed the top of my head.

Colt released me from his grip, “Hmm. Well. I hope you get yourself together enough so we can talk a bit more some other time. Just promise me something, hm?” Of course there was a fucking catch, “No smoking, got that?” He waved his finger at me trying to emphasize his point as he said ‘no smoking’.

I rolled my eyes and nodded, “Yeah, okay, I promise I won’t.”

He gave me a crooked smile, “If you do, I’ll know.” Colt winked at me.

I finally got out of his grasp and was able to leave. I got out of the situation at least. And he was going to make me wet a diaper? Ha, I got out of that issue. I was relieved that when I made it to my room I got to sleep in. I slept, so well that night. I fell asleep to bubbling thoughts of everything that happened this week. Hopefully, my tangled mind would figure everything out sometime soon.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

I liked the chapter. It advanced the story, introduced more AB/DL aspects while not making it too overboard, and addressed the fact that Silver and Jasper are hanging out / dating the enemies of their “old friends.” Keep 'em coming, baby! :slight_smile:

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

This is probably the shortest chapter that will be written but it probably has the most crucial information packed into one. I wish I could write more and keep them coming as I am, but I don’t think that will be the case in the next few months. Issues with my writers block I have currently and also my schedule becoming busier and busier means that I may not be posting as much. Hopefully, I will get over this writers block but I hope you guys like this chapter. I feel like the next chapters are going to come easier to write without as much explaining as the story has been so far. I feel as if the developing the characters was established finally at the end of this chapter so I can actually get into the ABDL side of it. I won’t be overloading it though if you may be worried about that. Haha. :smiley:

Chapter 7

A few days passed of thoughts cycling in my head. It was an internal battle that wouldn’t stop. You can leave now just as he started. Or you can continue with this weird love of his and never get out until he’s tired of you. Do you really think you’re cute? Because you’re not. You know all too well that he’s too good for you. Do you really think anyone will ever love you? Honestly. Where do you think it’s going to go? This guy lost his mom and you want to make him even sadder? This is a fucking time bomb waiting to explode. Leave while you still have a chance.

I cried too. I knew we weren’t made for each other. I knew it was going to end one day. My head couldn’t help but keep swimming to the break up. How do you even break up with people who have that type of relationship? I’m scared to say I like him or even have a little crush on him. I know he’ll be the one to crush me. He’ll be the one who will have to stop the relationship.

So tell me, how do you go about a relationship you know is going to end? Shut up, thoughts. I fucking hate you.

On Monday we didn’t talk until sixth hour. Colt and Steve sat at our art table. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at Silver’s obsession with Steve these days.

Colt came behind me as I sat down. He said in my ear as he kneeled down, “So do you have everything figured out?” He looked at me with curiosity.

I covered my face with my hands and mumbled, “No, I’m sorry.”

He sat in front of me at our table, “It’s fine, do you need a few more days or something? Tell me, what can I do?” Colt didn’t understand.

“I-,” I paused, “Don’t take this the wrong way. But I just need some time alone without your eyes watching me. I’m sorry, I sound like a dick.” I put my hands over my face. I knew I looked horrible today, considering I didn’t get any sleep.

I peeked out of my hands to look at him as he said, “It’s fine. I told you a lot and I’m sorry it was too much for you in one day.” He got up as he walked back to his old table with his other friends leaving Steve sitting without a guy friend, “I’ll give you some more time. Whatever you need.” He looked a bit dejected. I needed it though. I appreciated the time he was giving me for once. I had Colt overload last week. I just needed to think some more, I guess. Or maybe it was just the excuse? Who knows.

A few more days passed. It was Thursday and it felt like the week blew by. I was actually dreading Thursday for the fact that we had to do art critiques. Art critiques were where Mr. Veigel forced us to show our project to the class, alone, and he asked us questions. Also the class took part in the critique by giving ‘opinions’. By opinions I mean that they judge your horrid art you tried to make pretty in the nicest way possible.

In Chemistry, Colt kept glancing over at me. I got the idea he was going to try and talk to me or something today. When Colt has that predator look on his face, oh, you know he wants to talk. My main concern was that I didn’t know what I was going to squeak out to him this time.

I came into sixth hour and found the front board was cleared. I didn’t want to speak in front of a class that hated me. Mr. Veigel was putting papers on everyone’s tables.

“Get out your piece. Art critiques are today, Jasper.” I nodded and got mine out. I sat down. Colt came in and sat in front of me. Damn you, Mr. Veigel, for telling us we have no assigned seats.

He raised his eyebrows at me. I piped up, “Can we talk later or something? Not in here.” I looked around and found Silver and Steve walking in. Colt nodded and smiled.

Steve looked at us, “You guys done fighting, yet?”

Colt shook his head in defense, “We weren’t fighting in the first place.”

Silver rolled her eyes, “Just let them work it out themselves, Steve.” She smiled and winked at me.

I elbowed her. She laughed. I said, “You suck.”

The bell rang and Mr. Veigel said, “Everyone get your projects out. Art critiques are today. We need to hurry so we can get everyone done today.” We all got ours out.

I couldn’t help but look at Colt’s. He was actually good at painting. Why didn’t I notice this before? I must be oblivious. His painting was multiple shades of green and blue. It was like a forest with tinges of yellow-greens and dark blue-greens. The forest went down to a blue lake with rocks. From first glance it looked like just a landscape. There was a clear transparent overlay on it. It was a print out. I heard Colt and Mr. Veigel talking about it earlier in the week. I just tuned it out.

I guess Colt drew something and Mr. Veigel suggested taking it and scanning it. After scanning it the white would be transparent and the drawing would be printed onto the transparent sheet. It gave the painting underneath a glossy look. I could see that there were eyes, two of them going vertically on the page. One eye was over the forest’s pine trees. The other was over the rifts of crashing water in the lake.

It was beautiful to look at it, but I didn’t get the meaning behind it. It just looked like an eye catching piece. Kind of literally. I stared at it then compared it to mine. I frowned at how stupid mine was. It had no meaning behind it. I was fucked for explaining what it meant.

Mr. Veigel looked over us like we were his victims, “Who’s the first volunteer? I’ll begin picking if no one volunteers.” A few people raised their hands in hopes to just get it over with.

Jessica was the first to go up. I couldn’t help but still have a tinge jealousy towards her. Mr. Veigel asked what the meaning was behind it and she said the same thing she said before I yelled at her. Idiot.

A few other people went up and we were out of volunteers. I sat there with my folded arms looking down hoping he wouldn’t pick me.

I could feel Mr. Veigel’s stare, “Jasper, get up here.” I huffed lightly. I looked up at Colt and he raised my confidence with his smile. I gave a weak smile back to him and walked up to the front board. I set my piece on the ledge since it was too big to hold for five minutes.

“Wow. I didn’t know she could paint.” I heard someone say quietly. I looked over at the table in honest surprise. I wasn’t too confident in my painting but I had to give my project a good look over before I got questions.

I was kind of proud of how it turned out. It had some cool contrasting colors I guess. I took a bunch of blues, dark blues, and blue-greens of magazine pictures. Most were underwater pictures. I tried making it look like a sea. Then I placed some clouds and lighter pictures at the very top right. I had some of the text I liked that I placed under some parts of the underwater pictures. It looked like the text was almost rifting into the sea.

After I had the collage all glued down I began painting paisley patterns. White paisley patterns spiraled down from the top right. It only was one-fifth into the painting. Then I took black and made black paisley patterns spawn from the bottom right. It took up a great deal more of the piece. It touched the middle in almost a tentacle like paisley and almost met a white paisley spiral. The top right had some floral in between paisleys. The bottom left just had tentacles or paisleys twisting up.

I painted a white small butterfly over of one of the black tentacles. Then I took some black and added a bigger black butterfly by the top of the painting. There were a few tiny black and white butterflies in the middle section with small dots trailing them. The butterflies had no shading. They were thick outlines basically, almost like ink blots.

Mr. Veigel asked the class the same questions like he did for everyone else, “What do you think the meaning behind what Miss Chord painted was?” Mr. Veigel looked at everyone. I looked down at my feet.

“Maybe she is secretly obsessed with butterflies?” Steve said. I laughed lightly as I glared at him. I was hoping someone could explain it to me or else I was going to fail this assignment. I looked down sadly without hope. I knew I was fucked.

Colt spoke up, “It looks kind of like she was trying to refer to some type of suggested yin-yang symbolism. Like how the black is going into the white, almost as if the bad bleeds into the good. And the white butterfly goes into the dark as if the good is dabbing into the bad.” I looked up in stark shock. I swear I never thought of that when I was painting it.

Mr. Veigel nodded in agreement, “I can see there are some words here and articles. They really stand out to me. You also placed them all on the bottom left where most of the dark parts are. So tell me, why are words like ‘fallow’, ‘mass extinction’, and ‘unfathomable’ in this?”

I opened my mouth and closed it. I looked at it to get some inspiration to explain, “Uh. I guess it’s kind of like Colt said.” I glanced at him nervously. He nodded at me and smiled in attempt to ease my anxiety.

“I guess there are many interpretations. One that hits me is that bad things happen and good can spawn from them. Hints of bad can always stay with us and that’s why the black is in the white.” I scratched the back of my head, searching for what the words mean.

“I guess the text itself was placed there to refer to the motion of the bad flowing up to the good and almost touching it.” I shrugged.

Mr. Veigel said, “Well class. Who thinks this is successful?” Everyone nodded their heads. I went to sit down and everyone clapped. This happened with everyone’s piece so it really wasn’t anything too special.

Steve went after me and his was about money. We all rolled our eyes. He said the true meaning was that he wanted money.

Then Mr. Veigel gave him a look and he corrected himself by saying, “I mean. Money is evil and it shouldn’t break apart families.” Later on Silver told me that his parents divorced from issues over the lack of money and they fought about it all the time before they split. He got a scholarship here to get away from them. Guess I wasn’t the only one who got a scholarship to get away.

Silver’s project wasn’t finished so when she went up there no one really said anything. She told everyone that her life wasn’t finished yet so she couldn’t get a true deep meaning out of her project. Mr. Veigel was upset with her not finishing. I giggled at her attempt to pass off an unfinished project. She laughed when she sat down.

Slowly everyone was sacrificed to present their projects to the class. We had ten minutes of class left and there was only one person who still wasn’t sacrificed. Colt was the last one who hadn’t gone.

Mr. Veigel joked, “Any volunteers?” Colt raised his hand and walked up as if he could have volunteered the first time Mr. Veigel asked in the beginning of the class. Everyone laughed at Colt. If it were anyone else, I’m pretty sure no one would have laughed. Maybe Steve, but he was the only other exception. Colt was just so handsome and genuinely funny. It was hard to ignore that even if you did hate him.

I finally sat up in curiosity. It kind of hit me that I did want to find out the meaning of his project. Mr. Veigel asked the class for the final time, “So, everyone, what do you think the meaning behind this is?”

Steve sat quietly for once. It honestly surprised me since the whole hour he joked about everyone’s project. Silence made the class awkward since we were used to Steve talking first.

The annoying Jessica spoke up, “I think it’s supposed symbolize his love for women.” I don’t know why but I felt a tinge of jealousy. I hated her so god damn much, still.

Another one of her snobby friends said, “I think he has a crush on someone.” Then she added quickly, “Finally.” They all blushed at their table as if they thought it was about them. I could feel a glare on my face grow.

I counteracted their insignificant and irrelevant thoughts, “If that were true, then that wouldn’t have any relevance to the point of the assignment.” There I go again. Mr. Veigel gave me a look. I sighed and looked at Colt’s face. He was actually grinning at my irritation.

I tried to save myself from another detention, “What I mean by that is…” I paused and glanced at Colt shyly, “It’s obviously paying tribute to someone. Someone beautiful enough to distract attention. Someone who had depth to themselves once apon a time. There’s more meaning behind it than just a silly crush.”

Steve said after I was done, “Damn. And you were making fun of people being deep before. Now look at you go.” Some kids in the class laughed. I felt my cheeks get warm as I couldn’t look up. I knew Steve only meant to say that to me, but since no one was speaking everyone heard him. I heard Jessica’s friends sneer at me.

I glanced up to Colt and he was staring at me still. It didn’t seem his eyes ever left me since he got up there. His eyes held some type of unfathomable warm affection. I couldn’t help but feel a bit softened from my anxiety as I looked back.

Mr. Veigel said, “Well. I’ve heard enough.” He looked to Colt, “What is the true meaning behind your piece?”

Colt smiled at me and winked, “Everyone was saying it was one person. When I was making the overlay I distinctly drew two different eyes. They may not look different from far away but they actually are.” I sat there and looked at it dumbfounded.

There were two differently drawn eyes. One over the forest was a bit wider and younger looking. It had a bit longer eye lashes and they reminded me of someone. It was also green with tints of yellow-greens which made more sense now. The one on the bottom section over the water was obviously a light blue. The eye was drawn duller and had a small wrinkle by the tear duct and also had even an eye bag to emphasize it was the older eye between the two. The eye looked weary. I didn’t understand why he made them different. I also didn’t get how I didn’t see the difference before.

He explained, “Both eyes are of two people who have hurt me. Both are of two people who didn’t mean to hurt me. One is of innocence. The other is of someone who was one of the wisest people I have ever known.” Colt looked over his painting in thought, “The eye over the water is my mom’s eye that has passed away a few years ago.” The feeling of sympathy fell upon the class. I hoped Jessica and her friends felt stupid now.

“The other is of someone I treasure very closely but she doesn’t know it. It is a ‘crush’ you could say. But I wouldn’t put it by my mother’s side if she had no significant meaning to me.” Colt shrugged. I looked at the eye over the green forest. I felt panic rise up in me. That was my eye he drew. How did I not see that before? It was well drawn enough to see. He was right. I was god damn oblivious.

Mr. Veigel asked the class, “Does everyone agree that this is successful?” Everyone nodded their heads in unison.

Silver gasped and looked at me. I looked up at her and then to my hands in embarrassment. I felt bad. I hurt him? Or was it really my eye? There is still a chance it isn’t me. It’s not like he went out and pointed a finger at me.

Mr. Veigel nodded, “I’m sorry to hear that, Colt. But the painting came out beautifully. I hope whoever’s eye you painted can appreciate that you put her alongside your mother’s eye.”

Colt said almost as if to his own self, “I believe she’s the only girl that could.” I glanced nervously up at him. He looked at me.

Colt put his piece back on the rack. We had five minutes to kill before the bell rang.

“Well. That was a bit too tense of an hour for me, I don’t know about you guys.” I grinned at Steve’s attempt to lighten the mood. Colt sat back down in front of me.

Silver asked him, “Who was the person you did the other eye of?” I saw Jessica’s head turn to eavesdrop into our conversation.

I looked at Colt. He shrugged, “It’s a secret.” Colt winked at me.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

Something I noticed. Is this part 2 of chapter 6? or is it chapter 7??
It is labeled as 6. and that is the one above it.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

Gosh. Yeah, it’s chapter 7. I write these late at night and I make silly mistakes. Sorry about that and thanks for catching it. Oh my.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

I have miss this story until now. It’s very well written and I like the way you tell us the story. Also what the story is about like I very much :slight_smile: .

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

Initially, I didn’t really care for this story. Jasper was just too off-putting for my taste. Now I’m glad I stuck with it. You’ve successfully drawn me into caring about her and Colt.

I hope you’re able to find the time to continue this very good story.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

For some reason, I was taken aback when you said Jasper was off-putting. Then I had to reread the full story and understand why someone would say that. It hit me that I went into my story wanting that to be the effect to whoever read it, honestly. It’s just I’ve written so much for her and the only reason I got offended was because she’s nothing like she comes off to be. When I first began and had it all set out I originally thought, “I want to make a character that no one understands nor wants to understand and if the audience sticks around, maybe, just maybe, I’ll show them who she really is.” Hence what I’m doing.

This chapter was very hard to write. I did warn you all in the beginning about the story. I’m sorry if you don’t like some of the things that happen, but these are all real life issues. These specific things have no direct relevance to me, but they were inspired from issues that have come up with friends, myself, and family members. With that said, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. From all of the feedback I received from the last chapter, it encouraged me to finish this chapter way before I thought it would be finished. So thanks guys for the huge response. :smiley:

Chapter 8

After school I just went into my room and plopped on my bed. I was exhausted. Going to sleep at 1-3 am every night and waking up at 5:30 every morning was not enough sleep for my hibernation season. My thoughts went into a little world of its own and I felt all cuddly. Before I knew it, I was in a nice little nap.

I heard someone mumble quietly beside me, “She’s sleeping. Shh.”

I heard a girls voice reply in a hushed voice, “I’m just going to grab something real quick and then I’ll be gone.” It kind of sounded like Silver.

Do you ever nap and when you wake up you know what’s happening around you but it takes a few minutes to accept that you’re awake? I was having one of those moments. I felt a hand tuck my hair behind my ear and a light kiss fell upon my forehead.

I opened my eyes and rolled away. I hid my head into my pillow for a minute or so. I heard chuckling. I stretched out my arms until I heard some part of me crack. I rolled back over and smiled.

His blue eyes were watching me, “Sleepy, huh?”

I nodded as I rubbed my eyes. Then I remembered what I forgot earlier, “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot.”

He smirked at my sleepiness, "It’s fine. I was kind of waiting for you to just appear out of the blue like you usually do when I want to talk to you, but this time I had to find you. It wasn’t hard since this was the first place I looked."I yawned as I checked the time. I slept for a good hour. I smiled in content. I was still in a small daze from just waking up.

“I’ve been waiting to talk to you, oh so patiently, for the past several days. You know what I have to say already, so can you do me a favor and tell me what you think? It’s setting me on edge not knowing your thoughts.” Colt sat there on Silver’s desk chair waiting for an answer.

I ran my fingers through my messy hair, “Well, I don’t know what to say. I honestly don’t care if you like that stuff. I mean, obviously. But, can you tell me at least what we are? Because I’m confused.” I looked up at him with a timid look.

He looked a bit caught off guard, “Hmm. Good question.” He paused thinking aloud, “I guess you are a girl. I am a guy. I like you. And if you can admit to liking me then we can say were dating at this point.”

I huffed and said playfully, “I don’t like you though.” I stuck my tongue out at him. He gave me his look.

“Maybe I can just say you’re my baby girl and I’m your daddy. And we’ll leave it at that for now.” Colt smiled at me.

I said in defense, “Hey. That’s not fair! I guess I can say I have a ‘liking’ to you.” I rolled my eyes. He shook his head and chuckled.

Colt said, “So are you admitting to that you have a little crush on me now? Oh. I thought little Miss Jasper couldn’t have those.” Colt winked at me.

“Nuh-uh. I never said that I had a crush on you.” His eyebrows went up and a playful smile spread on my face.

Colt leaned towards me, “Oh really, now? We’ll just have to see about that.” I looked at him confused because I didn’t get what he meant.

I stared at him and then he brought me down on my bed. Colt’s one arm pinned both my arms down and he attacked my sides. I began laughing hard. He stopped shortly after.

“So will you be my baby?” Confusion spread on my face and then I blushed. What does that entitle to?

Colt’s eyes studied me as he propped his elbow on my bed. His other hand was lightly running through my tangled hair. Should I say yes? What happens if I do?

I opened my mouth and said, “I mean, I guess. Yeah.” I shrugged as if it were nothing. I don’t think I knew what I was getting myself into as I watched Colt’s reaction.

His eyes lightened and a huge smile spread across his face as if he couldn’t believe I said yes. Did he really think I was going to turn him down? I mean, I don’t go around saying it, but I’ve found I’m a huge push over. Hence why I’m in most of the situations I get into. I was kind of interested what being ‘his baby’ would mean. It sent a little shiver down my back just wondering.

Colt asked, “Really?” I nodded and giggled. He chuckled, “Aren’t you a little cute thing? Hmm?” His hand caressed my face. Lightly tickling my nose as his hand traced down to my lips. My lips parted. I looked up into his light blue eyes. I couldn’t help but study them. His hand tucked loose strands of hair behind my ear.

His eyes looked at my parted lips. Colt leaned closer. A kiss fell lightly on my nose. My breathing stopped as I waited in pure curiosity. What was he doing? Were we about to kiss? I never kissed anyone before. Not even my own mother.

Colt pulled back a little and looked into my eyes, his eyes shifted back to my lips. A sweet kiss had fallen onto my lips. After he pulled away, I wanted another to caress my lips. He smiled as I looked at his lips trying to tell him what I wanted.

He sat up in Indian style with my legs over his lap. I got onto my elbows and stared at him. I bit my lip. I lunged at him and kissed him on the cheek. Colt gave me his infamous ‘oh really?’ look.

“Do you really want to have a sneak attack kiss battle with me? You know who’s going to win.” His lion teeth showed. I covered my mouth and acted like I didn’t mean to.

Colt lunged back down and attacked me. Kisses tickled my neck. I giggled loudly in surprise until he kissed my lips one last time before finishing his attack. I had to surrender in defeat.

Colt smiled and got up. My eyes followed him as I sat up on my bed. He fished into his bag he had sitting on the Silver’s desk. I didn’t see it but that’s just because I’m oblivious. Colt pulled out a diaper. I rolled my eyes. I didn’t feel like wearing one. I rested my cheek on my hand in anger. I saw he brought out what looked like a bag of Teddy Grahams.

I asked, “How do you get this stuff and hide it?”

Colt turned around and set the stuff on my bed. He made sure the door was locked, “There’s a Wal-mart a few miles away and Sebastian has a car. He said I can use it at least I replenish the gas. Kind of sweet deal having a friend who lives a few hours away from here, huh?” I nodded.

“That’s nice. But I meant like, how do you hide it from Steve? How does that work?” I wondered out loud.

He smiled, “I mean, we have this guy code called, ‘if you get into my personal stuff I will slap the shit out of you’. Exactly why he doesn’t sneak around my shit and I don’t sneak around his.” Colt shrugged.

“Do I really have to?” I asked shyly looking at the diaper like it was going to bite me.

He sat on the edge of my bed with it in his hand. He turned it around and smiled at the light pastel prints on top of it, “I mean, Jasper. You are my baby. And if we cuddle I’m scared you’re going to wet yourself on me again.”

I winced at that. He got me. I began pulling down my sweats and huffed, “Fine.”

Colt helped me pull them off. Then he took off my underwear for me. I blushed. I was never going to get used to this. I pulled down my shirt over my naked areas and laid down on my bed.

He patted the underside of my leg. I lifted up my bottom just a little. He said, “You’re going to have to get your little butt up a bit more than that, baby girl.” I blushed and tried to lift a little more without him actually seeing my underside. Colt slid the diaper under and pulled the tabs of the tapes out from under my bottom.

I giggled this time when he lightly patted the powder on. It tickled since he was so gentle. I didn’t know guys could be that gentle until I met Colt. The diapers front met my tummy. He situated it until it was snugly around me and taped the sides on. I squirmed a bit in frustration of the thickness.

I huffed. Colt said, “Oh really? Is someone grumpy now?” I glowered at him in my diapered state. I folded my arms across my chest. He smiled at me in content. It was like he was trying to capture my stupid look.

I looked on the bed and saw the Teddy Grahams. I grabbed the bag and opened them. They were the chocolate chip ones and I found they were my new love. I bit the head of one off and looked over to Colt. He was just watching me as he sat there.

I asked in a self-conscious state, “Wait. Why’d you get these?” I looked over the bag attempting to forget Colt was watching me act like a toddler. I sure felt like one. I was sitting there, bouncing around, eating Teddy Grahams with a diaper on and no pants. My legs were a bit cold but I just shrugged it off.

Colt chuckled, “I just thought I’d get you a little present or something like that. I thought you’d like them.” I blushed feeling selfish for not getting him anything.

I offered the bag to him, “Want some?” I said through chews. He smiled and shook his head. I already felt like a bad girlfriend. I wasn’t nice to him, first off. I didn’t even consider getting him anything either.

I took two handfuls of Teddy grahams and shoved them into my sweaters pocket. I put the box on the desk and looked over to Colt’s humorous look.

“You are something? Aren’t you?” He laughed. I giggled as I crawled onto his lap. I snuggled into him as he pulled me closer. I glanced up to him as I fished a teddy bear out of my pocket and bit its legs off.

“Oh, poor little bear. You’re torturing them. Biting off their legs and then their arms. Who does that?” He smiled as he watched me eat them. I squirmed uncomfortably in his lap as I ate them. I wish I had milk or something.

We cuddled and then off to dinner we went. I finally sat with Silver and Steve at Colt’s table. I sat alone at my old table the whole week because I didn’t want to be with Colt. Now I finally had the chance to sit with them.

I couldn’t help but feel paranoid that people could tell I had a diaper on. I was hoping at least Silver couldn’t see. I kept shifting around a bit more awkward than usual. I couldn’t help but know that Colt was enjoying my silly state I was in.

“You okay there?” His hand made small circles on the small of my back. I nodded and ate quietly. We left dinner and went back to me and Silver’s room. Steve and Silver trailed behind us.

We all hung out for a couple hours. As Silver sat with Steve (or should I say sat on Steve) and I cuddled with Colt. The guys joked like usual and me and Silver giggled along. I was kind of sad when they left. I fell asleep dreaming of all the cute things me and Colt could do in the future. Like holding hands in the halls.

I woke up crying and sweating to all the dark memories. A nightmare of events that I never wanted to go back to. The nightmare was a replay of all these flooding memories before I went to the orphanage at age 8.

I remember the first night my Uncle Randy took out the beer and drank. He was hammered drunk. My aunt told him to stop yelling at me. Who would tell a five year old that they would amount to nothing one day just like their mother? That they would become a whore just like their mother that died two years earlier? What type of drunk uncle would tell their niece those horrible things that were lies? Who would tell me that I was a mistake and that my parents killed themselves because of me?

I remember my Aunt Bethany slapping him across the face. I had to watch as my uncle hit her back. He didn’t stop at one either. Many hits rained down on her. But what could I do? What was I supposed to do? What can a small, wailing five year old do to stop the situation? That’s right. Nothing.

The worst part of living with my aunt and uncle for five years was that my uncle beating my Aunt Bethany didn’t stop. It was a constant, once every other Sunday occurrence. When I saw him drinking Aunt Bethany would tell me to go to my room. I’d do as I was told and try to fall asleep with her weeping and screaming in the room below mine.

Three years later after the horrible things began, when I was 8, Aunt Bethany passed away from a terrible car accident that has plagued my family to one remaining family member. Uncle Randy said since he wasn’t actually related to me by blood that he couldn’t adopt me. He claimed that it was my aunt who adopted me, not him. That’s how I ended up in the orphanage. A few years after that I began to appreciate that I lived in an orphanage rather than with a man who dared to call himself a son, a husband, and a uncle. He was a lie of a man.

I cried as I woke up from the nightmare. I kept to myself silently as I cried. I scratched my arms. I looked at the time. It was only four in the morning. I looked around and needed something. Something to take away the emotions. I wiped away my tears and tried to collect myself.

I got out of bed and poked Silver awake, “Can I borrow your weed real quick? I’ll pay you back.”

She rubbed her eyes and said in a groggy voice, “What the fuck? It’s like four. And I don’t even have it anymore, I gave it to Steve.” Silver stuffed her face back into her pillow.

I said confused, “Why did you give it to him?”

Silver said into her pillow, “He said Colt was worrying we’d get caught with it in our room or something. I don’t even smoke anymore. Just wait til the morning or something. Go back to sleep, dude.”

Quiet tears streamed down my face. How could I just sit here and deal? I couldn’t and that was the issue. I went to the bathroom and closed the door. I paced and cried. I scratched my arms thinking of what to do. My hands ran through my hair in frustration. I kneeled down and cried as quietly as I could. I went through the cabinet.

I wiped my cheeks and found Silver’s razor. I didn’t want to do it. But I had to. I just had to. I needed a reminder that I was a piece of shit. I needed something to give me pain throughout the day. I rolled up my shirt and began into sharp slivers of pain on my hips over the old lighter, almost nonexistent, scars from years before.

I finally finished crying and placed band-aids over my fresh cuts. I splashed water on my face and drank a lot of water. I stayed up for about two hours and decided to take a shower. I didn’t even attempt to apply my makeup. I laid there as Silver got ready. I felt so tired and lost. How did I go to sleep so happily and wake up to doing something that I haven’t done since I was thirteen? I didn’t want to go to school, but I knew I had to. I couldn’t move without feeling the pain on my hip bone. I winced as Silver walked back in the room.

We went to breakfast. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to see Steve and Silver giggling over each other. I didn’t want to see that Jessica chick with her friends giving me dirty looks. I didn’t want to see Sebastian’s jealous stares to Colt. Most of all, I didn’t want to see those god damn piercing blue eyes.

I got my glorious breakfast Friday special of the sausage and egg breakfast burrito. It wasn’t too bad since I was hungry all morning long just waiting for breakfast time. I sat there and stared at it even as hungry as I was. I really didn’t want to face the day and it kills me to be in a room with other human beings I don’t want to talk to.

A hand slivered around my waist. A light lingering kiss fell onto my head. My body went stiff. I gripped my fork and stared at my stupid burrito trying to dodge looking at Colt. I didn’t want anyone know how depressed I was. I knew I was being awkward, but I honestly didn’t want to talk to anyone.

“Hey, baby.” Colt said into my ear as he sat down with his plate next to me. Colt seemed to be in a good mood. I nodded in response and cut my burrito in half. I took one side and nibbled into it trying to stay away from conversation.

His hand didn’t leave my back. He traced light circles on the small of my back. I could feel him studying me as his hand could tell how tense my back was. I looked at the table as my attention was enveloped into my burrito. The table was full as everyone chatted loudly. Only Colt and I were sitting quietly almost as if we were in a bubble.

Colt asked quietly by my ear, “Are you okay?”

I moved my head slightly in his direction without meeting his eyes, “Yeah. I’m just in a bad mood today. It’s nothing.” Colt studied me for a moment. Then he nodded in understanding. Everyone gets in bad moods, and it’s only natural at a boarding school. Since we live with each other constantly for such a long period of time at least one person will always in a bad mood every other day. We just shrug it off and try to not bug them too much about it.

Colt ate some of his burrito and joined in with the talking as his hand slipped away from my back. At least I got out of that one easily. I kind of wanted him to care in a way, but I don’t think I could explain why I cried earlier. I don’t think I can explain why it led to me hurting myself. I mean, I could, but that’s just attention seeking. Right?

No one likes attention whores. No one likes depressed people. No one likes people like you. No one, and Colt isn’t an exception. He’s just hanging around for the show. He just wants to pity you for your losses.

My lip quivered as I sat there. I accidentally brushed against my hip. I winced. I had to stop thinking. I didn’t want to cry. I’m not an attention whore. I’m not a fucking cry baby. I tried to distract myself by listening to what everyone was talking about.

Steve said, “These are almost like the breakfast burritos at McDonalds. If you just close your eyes and try to imagine that it isn’t gross.” Silver laughed at Steve, “Just stretch your imagination guys.”

Colt agreed, “McDonalds sounds so good right now. Why do you have to tempt us as we eat this sad mistake of a burrito?” I couldn’t help but smile a little as I listened to Colt and Steve argue as they usually do.

Sebastian jumped in, “Yeah, dude. Why? It kind of makes me want to go there. I haven’t been there yet this year. God, just thinking of a quarter pounder sends my taste buds into a frenzy.” Sebastian licked his lips.

Silver said, “I went there a week or two ago and OH MY GOD the same cute old man with the hearing aide still works there!”

They all were surprised. Steve said, “Holy shit really? He’s as old as Gandalf. We need to go sometime soon. Sebastian had me at quarter pounder.” Steve rubbed his stomach in thought.

“You guys want to go for dinner tonight?” Sebastian asked. Everyone nodded in agreement.

Colt nudged me, “Want to go?”

I opened my mouth, “I can’t.”

“Why’s that? I’ll pay. It’ll be the best date you’ll ever go on, I promise.” He smiled and winked at me. I shrugged and nodded. I guess I’d go. Authentic American food might make me feel a bit better. I haven’t had McDonalds since a year or two ago. It’s been a long time, so I guess it’d be cool to join in and find out who this ‘Gandalf the Great of McDonalds’ was.

The day went by in a blur of my being more awkward than usual. I kept bumping into everyone on accident in the halls. I’d randomly find myself trying to get out of every conversation I possibly could. I found myself not eating lunch because I was simply not hungry. I couldn’t stop looking at my hands and picking hang nails throughout the day. I kept biting my lips to have something to do rather than sit in every class. I couldn’t help but cringe in pain every time I sat down and my sweats and shirt rubbed against the marks. Altogether, my day was terrifyingly lost regressing back into old bad habits.

After school, Colt caught up to me as I was stuffing my back pack into my locker for the weekend. He stopped by me and took my hand as I closed the locker. I knew he wanted people to know we were kind of dating or something but I was too depressed to have anyone look at me today. I didn’t want anyone’s eyes even partially in my direction. I didn’t mean to be so depressed around him though, and I kind of felt bad that he had to take the worst hit of my bad moods.

“Want to hang out in my dorm? I think Silver and Steve are already in yours.” He looked me over as we walked and added, “Unless you want to hang out with them. You just don’t seem to be wanting to be around much people today.” I felt his thumb caress the palm of my hand as we walked.

I shrugged and nodded. I wanted to be alone, but I really couldn’t either way I looked at it. Being with Colt was at least better than being around a group of people.

I sat on his bed after he shut his door.

“We can watch a movie or something. I think we’re going to eat around 6 so that gives us some time.” I nodded silently. Colt’s eyes hesitated as he studied me.

“You’re being really quiet today, and it scares me. Is it really just a bad mood? Or is it something more?”

I didn’t want to lie. I didn’t want to answer his questions. I opened my mouth and closed it. I shrugged almost unnoticeably.

He sat by me, “Jasper, you can tell me anything. I am your boyfriend and I do care.” His eyes looked at me. I picked at my thumb.

I wanted to say something, but I felt it was too insignificant to say aloud. It was too personal. I feel like he wouldn’t care. I felt speechless. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if I could even speak.

We just sat there. He was waiting for me to say something. Colt hugged me and stroked my hair. My eyes got watery. I tried not to cry. I didn’t want to cry again. I’ve never cried this much since I got to this school.

Colt pulled away and his eyes caught my watery gaze, “Jasper, please tell me. I don’t want you to cry. But if you keep it all in, you’re going to end up snapping on someone.” He sounded as if he were almost begging.

My eyes betrayed me as tears spilled over. I clung to him as I buried my face into his sweatshirt. He pulled me onto his lap as he stroked my hair and cooed me. He tried calming me down and it just made me cry harder. I couldn’t stop as more tears flowed.

Colt pulled away, “What happened in the past night that got you all sad? You were all happy yesterday, I don’t understand.” He rubbed my back as my fist loosened its grip on his sweatshirt. I pulled away and wiped my tears.

“Nothing.” He cocked his head at me, not believing me for a second.

“Jasper, please.” He shook his head trying to understand why I wouldn’t tell him.

I said quietly with my scratchy voice, “I just had a nightmare. That’s all.” I shrugged in attempt to make it seem like nothing.

He asked, “What was it about?” I rubbed my eyes trying to make my eyes stop being watery.

“Nothing.” I didn’t look at him.

Colt snapped, “Jasper, you’re sitting here balling your eyes out, and you’re telling me it’s nothing?”

“I can’t tell you. Colt.” I looked at him with some irritation that he wouldn’t leave me alone about it.

“If you can’t tell me, then who can you tell? Trust me. I know how it is to keep things bottled up. It damages people and leaves them bitter. Just tell me, it hurts me to not be able to help.” His eyes were glazing over me in affection.

I frowned and looked at my hands. I was used to not telling people. I was used to people not caring. He was the first person besides my aunt that actually cared. It was new to me, and I wasn’t used to people caring.

I said in a unbearably quiet voice, “My uncle beat my aunt when I was younger.” His eyes smoldered in shock and pain. I had to look away.

He was speechless as he tried to form a question, “Ho-Why- No.” He shook his head, “How old were you?”

“Five.” His mouth dropped open.

He wanted more information, “How long did it go on?”

“Three years.” I answered quietly, ashamed of telling him one of my deepest secrets.

Colt caught me off guard, “Did he ever touch you?” I winced as I moved off his lap.

“No, not at all. He just yelled at me.” Colt looked relieved but still set off.

Colt asked in painful curiosity, “What did he yell at you about?”

“He just called me things.” Colt gave me a long searching look. He didn’t seem to believe it.

I felt angry for telling him something that I kept inside for so long. I didn’t feel angry at him though. I felt anger toward myself. How could I tell a boy I just began dating something I kept in for ten years? I didn’t want the sympathy from anyone in particular. I felt like I couldn’t trust my own self anymore.

“Did you used to live with him or something?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I don’t anymore though.”

“I’m sorry about all my questions. I just don’t understand. What happened? And who do you live with now?” His questions hurt me. I know he didn’t mean to, he was just curious.

I sniffed up to him, “It’s okay. My aunt passed away. My uncle gave me up to an orphanage because he didn’t want to take care of anyone besides himself.” I shrugged. His eyes were burning with tenderness.

“That’s horrible. So you still live there now?” I nodded. Colt shook his head in disbelief, “Why haven’t you told me any of this?”

I shrugged and attempted an awful joke, “Hi, I’m Jasper. I’m an orphan. Nice to meet you.” I gave a weak smile as a tear rolled down Colt’s face.

Colt left the room as I sat there regretting telling him. He said he needed a second to take it all in. I told him it was fine. I sat on his bed for about ten minutes.

He came back and smiled at me, “I’m sorry, Jasper. I shouldn’t be the one crying. It just hits me hard, you telling me some things out of nowhere that I never knew about you.”

I shrugged, “It’s okay. I’m sorry too.”

He cocked his head at me, “How’s that?”

“I don’t want to make you pity me. I like you and you should only like me back if you truly feel it. You shouldn’t pity yourself into liking me. You can leave whenever you want. I didn’t say it to make you feel like you have to stay no matter if you don’t like me anymore. It’s just my life. I’m still alive, so it’s all okay. I just get sad sometimes.” Colt sat next to me and studied me with a troubled look.

“Jasper. I’m not going to revolve around pitying you if that’s what you’re worried about. I, honest to god, like you. I just wish some things didn’t happen to you.” His eyes searched mine, “I just want you to know that I’m here for you for anything. Anything. Just know that. If you have another nightmare then just come in my room and wake me up. I don’t give a fuck if Steve gets annoyed. I only care about your sanity.” He rubbed my back with one hand. I nodded my head. I felt like a weight was lifted off of me for some reason. I guess knowing that he got that I didn’t want our relationship to be based on sympathy made me feel better.

I went onto his lap and nuzzled my head into him in relief. He chuckled lightly. I looked over to his bag on the ground. That was where he kept his diapers I think. I felt like I owed him for dealing with my bad mood and my crying today.

I didn’t know how to ask this but I winged it anyways, “Do you think I can have a diaper?” I looked up to him timidly and blushed.

He was caught off guard, “Well. Yeah. Of course.” Colt glanced at me as he untangled me from clinging to him. I moved to lie down on his bed. He locked the door and got the supplies out of his bag. I watched him as he caught me staring at him. Colt smirked at me still in stark shock of what I just asked.

Colt pulled down my pants. After he got my pants off he rolled up my shirt. That’s when I realized how utterly absentminded I was. I lie there, hoping he wouldn’t ask what was under the band-aids. Just hoping he wouldn’t ask what were the cuts underneath them from. He stopped as he was about to take my underwear off. His hands gently glided over the band-aids. I grimaced in pain.

“Jasper. What else happened?” Colt’s eyes found mine. My mouth opened and only a whimper came out.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

Very well done chapter. I can see how it was hard to write, but it was important. I liked how you’re portraying their relationship and the dialogue. I also like how the ABDL themes are there now (why else do we read these stories on the site?) But you don’t make them the llot,; they’re not the main thing. It’s just a part of the story that actually advances the story and characters emotionally. I’m really enjoying it.

I also want to say that I can see how people found Jasper off-putting at first, but I’m like Colt and don’t mind girls like that. It shows they’re real and gives me an opportunity to help them emotionally and to cope with their issues and grow as a person. I, personally, imagine Jasper as the main character from Pitch Perfect (surprisingly good movie IMO). I think her look matches Jasoer’s character very well. Plus I thought she was really hot in the movie :stuck_out_tongue:

Oh, and those chocolate chip Teddy Grahams are AMAZING!!!

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

I know it had taken me far to long to comment on this story.

I think you are doing a fantastic job with it so far. This story is good even if you left out any reference to AB/DL. At first it seemed a little out of place to have Colt want to put Jasper in a diaper. The explanation seemed to fit well in the story though and it is still flowing very nicely.

I look forward to reading more.

Re: Utter Loss of Words of the Awkward Teenage Girl

I can kind of see Jasper like the girl in Pitch Perfect, but then again she doesn’t look like that in my mind. But everyone has their own idea of each character. I feel like I’d be cheating telling people who Jasper looks like, you know? I don’t want to put an image into anyone’s mind rather than them just imagine it themselves. I guess I’m going to have to see Pitch Perfect now.

I get how it took a lot of people to begin commenting on this story. The first few chapters I, honestly, would not comment myself either. I understand completely that a bunch of people held off commenting for a while until I introduced the ABDL aspects. I don’t think you meant it in that way but I feel a lot of people did. But, hey, thanks!