UP DATE NUMBER 1 HUBBY TO BUBBY - A WIFES DIARY.

UP DATE NUMBER 1 - HUBBY TO BUBBY -A WIFES DIARY.

It has been four months now since I posted my account of transforming my husband into my baby. To make sense of this update you will need to read my diary posted on this site, called FROM HUBBY TO BUBBY, A WIFES DIARY.

In the four months since my last diary entry there have been some significant developments.

The first thing to report is that Joey is doing really well. I am so proud of him. He now goes equally easily to both Sue and I to have his nappy changed. The initial shyness he had with Sue has completely gone. I am so pleased as it makes life in our home much more relaxed for him and Sue is so kind and gentle, albeit in a teasing kind of way.

His biggest adjustment in the last four months arose from the decision I took that he move out of my bedroom into his own nursery designed bedroom. Joey found my decision on this difficult. He was used to cuddling up to me last thing at night and would often nurse from my breast before he went to sleep and nurse again when he woke in the morning. A routine we both enjoyed. But the truth is that the marital bed had long since ceased to have a marital function and shifting him to his own bed in his own nursery bedroom was entirely consistent with his new status in our home. I still give him time at my breast of course once I have tucked him up in his bed and usually again when I come through to him in the morning but what he misses is being close to his Mummy all night and to snuggle up to me at will.

I did feel for him and tried to compensate by involving him as much as possible in the shopping expeditions to out fit his room toddler style, allowing him to choose the themes for his room. In the end he chose a bedcover which has a glorious scene from the lost boys home in Never- Never land with Peter Pan in typical pose standing on a rocky pinnacle surveying his kingdom.
For the walls he chose a frieze of all the characters from Winnie the Poo. Sue and I have stuck these on light six inch wide light boards that now hang on hooks and travel right around the room. The room had two beds so we have made one into a changing table. We bought a Winnie the Poo style notice board and that is where his star chart is pinned.
We bought bright blue shelves to put his toys on, and above the changing table are three white shelves. One has his disposable nappies the next is where his cloth nappies and plastic panties are stacked and on the third shelf is his num nums, nappy pins, baby oil and powder are arranged. His room looks so sweet and has the unmistakable scent of baby powder, oil and soap.

The great thing about how we have decorated the room is that we can change it back into an ordinary looking room in about 30 minutes if we have guests to stay.

Even though Joey enjoyed taking part in decorating his new bedroom he has found the separation from me distressing. He began to regress, wetting his nappies at night and then coming through to my bedroom at some unearthly hour asking to be changed. Previous to this he would have waited until he woke in the morning to wet his nappy and it would stay that way until I took them off about 45 minutes later after breakfast, when he went to do number twos in the big toilet. I would then give his little penis a wash and put him into his disposable nappy ready for him to go to work.

This regressive behavior by Joey really disturbed my sleep. By the time I took his PJ pants of then pulled his plastic panties down to his ankles undone the nappy pins taken the wet nappy of put a double dry nappy on him pulled his plastics back up his legs and threaded his feet through his PJ pants again, it took a good ten minutes. By then I was wide awake. I knew however if I fought him head on it would just make matters worse, but something needed to be done.

It was Sue that came up with some ideas in an attempt to make things easier. She suggested we order plastic panties that dome at the front so they open out allowing the nappy to be changed without having to pull the plastics down to the ankles or off all together. I found a three pack on the net for a good price and ordered them. In addition she suggested that Joey wear a nightie instead of PJ’s so that I just needed to lift the night gown up to change him. I thought it a good idea.

However when Sue bought the nightie home that she had bought Joey I had my doubts about accepting it. Firstly it was unmistakably feminine. It was a baby doll come princess design with a white background and pink hearts all over it, but what really raised my eye brows were the words on the front that said “GIRL POWER RULES.”

I told Sue, “I just don’t like it, its far to girlie and besides the words don’t fit him, he’s not a girl and I don’t want to turn him into some kind of sissy boy, besides, he won’t like it.”
Sue giggled, "Silly, the words are not for him, toddlers can’t read. They are to remind us that we are in charge and not a little boy who has decided to play games "

“He’s not playing games,” I objected hotly “he’s a little boy who is missing his Mummy and the way he is responding is understandable. We can hardly insist that he be a toddler and then punish him when he acts like one.”

This has been the first time Sue and I have had a real argument, but I felt protective of Joey.

Sue however quietly persisted. “The point is Wendy we still need to be in charge of the situation. Joey’s behaviour at night shows clearly that he has regressed to that of a younger infant and young infants are typically dressed in nightgowns precisely because mothers have to get up and change them during the night. All I’m suggesting is that we recognize that reality and dress and treat him accordingly. Anyway they don’t make boys nighties in his size after infancy. The only ones available are for girls.” I had to concede she had a point.

Sue continued," Look there is something else that’s really important here. Toddlers don’t have a conscious sexual identity as we would think of it. It’s perhaps the biggest change he has to get used to. After years of developing a complex and pervasive adult male sexual identity, [mixed as it was with a little boy identity,] he needs to unlearn a lot of stuff. Any ideas he developed about sexual identity, his or others, after the age of two are not relevant to his relationship with us and his role as a little boy. In fact it’s more than not relevant they present a mental health danger because the longer they persist the more internal conflict, shame and guilt he will experience. All these notions of girls and boys clothes and boys and girls colours and boys and girls toys are irrelevant for him at his age. Its one of the freedoms he is entering into and we must take every opportunity to encourage this new freedom. This is a precious age of innocence and it needs to be encouraged. Look how far he has come all ready. He doesn’t give a second thought now to having a woman putting him in nappies and changing him when he is wet. He is quite unashamed now of lying there with his little penis fully exposed, or nursing at your breast in front of me, which is exactly how it should be for a little toddler, its part of their charm. For him to understand that the style and colour of his clothes need to be no concern to him now is another important step in him claiming his babyhood. For that to happen age inappropriate sexual identity needs to be challenged and modified whenever it still appears. If as you say Joey won’t like the nightie because it looks girlie or because of the words printed on it, both ideas which are actually irrelevant to a toddler, then by correcting his thinking we are doing him a great service and to allow him to continue with those ideas, a great disservice.

As far as his clothes are concerned there are only three criteria that are important, and none of them relate to sexual identity; Are the clothes easy for his mother to dress him? Are they functional for his age? And are they comfortable? The nightie certainly meets the first two criteria and I am confident the third will be met to."

After a moments silence I said, " You know I should have known all that, I’m sorry for getting angry at you."
Sue looked relieved, “And I’m sorry I offended you with my comment about him ‘playing
games’ with you. It was poorly expressed. I know this is no game for him in the sense that this is very real for him. He is genuinely missing you at night, and he wants to be with his Mummy. All little children go through that stage and its sometimes very hard for the Mummy too, after all you have bonded with your little boy and so of course you will feel his emotional distress. In fact I don’t think I would be too far from the mark in saying that your emotional bond with Joey is far stronger, far deeper and more satisfying than it ever was when he was the man of the house, but you are the adult Wendy, he needs the security of you being in charge, that’s why the message on his nightie is so important for you both.”
“I’m not trying to be some super nanny here but Joey will adjust, and he will do so more quickly if you don’t talk to him during the nighttime nappy change. Change him quickly and efficiently then pop his num num into his mouth for him to nurse on and tuck his teddy down beside him and simply tell him that mummy wants him to go bye byes now. One of the cute things about little children is how much they love their num num and bond with their teddy and they do so because they have lots of occasions to discover how comforting they are when Mummy is not available. It’s a defining characteristic of babyhood and this will just strengthen it for Joey.”

I am so grateful to Sue. The emotional bonding I have developed with my little boy means that I sometimes need to hear a more objective voice. On the other hand I know Sue also need to hear the empathy and love that I have for Joey to take the edge of her feminist take on things when it gets too triumphant.

Two nights later, after I had given Joey his bath and put him in his double night time nappies I led him out to the lounge where Sue had laid out Joey’s new plastic panties and nightie. Laying him down on the floor I slipped his new plastic panties under him and domed them
up at the front. The three pack I had ordered consisted of white, blue and pink panties. I chose the pink ones because they matched the pink hearts on his nightie. I half expected Joey to make some comment, but he didn’t. But when I got him to stand to put his nightie on he said indignantly, “That’s for girls Mummy, I’m not a girl.” I had been expecting such an objection.
“That right sweetheart, your not a girl, you’re a baby aren’t you?” Joey nodded. “And these are baby clothes, little babies who wake during the night and have to be changed wear nighties because it makes it so much quicker and easier for their mummy to change them, and that’s important in the middle of the night.”
“I want to wear my PJ’s” complained Joey.
I know little one but PJ"s are for bigger boys. One day you will get to wear them again but little babies who need to be changed in the middle of the night wear a nightie." I said firmly. “You want to be a good boy and help Mummy don’t you?”
Joe nodded uncertainly.
I slipped the nightie over his head. It fitted perfectly. He looked absolutely adorable. The baby doll nightie came down nearly to the bottom of his pink plastics panties and with his blond hair and blue eyes he looked the picture of baby innocence.
Joey looked down trying to read what the words were on the front of his nightie. “What do they say Mummy?”
" They say ‘GIRL POWER RULES’ which means Mummy and Aunty Sue are the big people in
charge of you, and that means your quite safe and we will look after our little boy. Isn’t that
nice?"
Joe nodded happily.
“All you have to do is be an obedient little boy, can you do that for Mummy and Aunty Sue?”
“Yes Mummy.” said Joey.
“Good boy.” I said warmly, "And Aunty Sue bought you that nice nightie, what do you say to Aunty Sue?
“Thank you Aunty Sue”
“That’s all right little one, you look just the sweetest little baby, and such a big help to Mummy.” smiled Sue.
Joe stood there shyly fingering the bottom of his nightie clearly enjoying all the attention and approval he was getting.
“Would you like to have a play time with your toys before bed?” I said.
Eagerly Joey said he would.

To be honest It was hard to keep my eyes of him as he crawled around the floor happily playing with his toys, his little pink plastic panty encased bottom looking so cute peeking out from underneath his nightie, and to tell the truth he did look very girlie, but that was not for him to know.

His objections to wearing the nightie had in the end been easily swept aside and he had accepted my explanation without fuss. Clearly what remaining bits of his adult sexual identity that still existed were pretty weak in the face of our authority. His nightie certainly proclaims the truth for Joey. Girl power rules.

I think Sue has more photos of Joey in his nightie than almost any other outfit. ‘Her poster boy for girl power,’ she said.

Since following Sues advice about not interacting much with Joey when changing him at night his behavior of coming through to my bedroom to tell me his nappy is wet has diminished sharply. Now, two months later, its only once or twice a week, a real blessing.

The other big challenge that has been emerging particularly in the last month, though looking back I can see it has been building for some time is how intellectually boring being a little boy is for him at times. He copes, because emotionally, being my little boy enthralls Joey so much. He has never been as emotionally satisfied and complete as he is now. I have never seen him so happy, so full of joy. It’s wonderful to be living with someone who on the whole, is so happy within himself and so grateful to me. The rewards of being loved by him in the simple, deep and trusting way he does is deeply satisfying to me.

I realize however that I need to cater for his intellectual needs much more. I see him getting frustrated with the limitations of his nursery toys of wooden blocks, and simple picture books. His mind and imagination wants to build things that are just not possible with the
simple ABC blocks he has, and his story picture books now need much more emotional content, albeit in a babyhood context, to keep him engaged. The book problem I have been able to solve by buying books that have a simple relational story between a mother and child or baby and older sister, toddler and teddy etc It is always instructive to discover what stories are his favorites and when he finds one he loves, he wants me to read it to him again and again and again, until I wonder what deep therapy is going on.

The toy problem was solved with a stroke of good luck. I came across a huge lot of castle lego on ebay which I bought for a very good price. Joey will happily play for hours building castles and villages using his imagination to weave stories as he goes. When he tires of that
and I see no sign of it at present I will move him on to space lego or machine lego. I can now see years of happy play times ahead for him.

So as you can see despite the challenges things are going really well for us and we are happy. Sometimes I have this irrational fear that we are too happy and something will come along to snatch it away. Sue says that I worry too much. I will update you again in another few months.

Wendy.