Prologue and Chapter 1
Some translation notes: what I call a “vest” is what I think would be an “undershirt” in American English- the undergarment you wear on your upper half if you don’t have breasts, basically. Poppers = snaps/press studs. More on this after the story.
I was woken up by my mum coming in to the room, and was confused because I was in Ellie’s room. Then I remembered that we had shared the bed last night. I tried to move my left leg and succeeded in sticking it out of the bed. I could see my mum was taken aback too, to find us both in bed together and wearing identical nightgowns. Ellie had woken up as well.
“Gracious, you surprised me, Beth. What are you doing in Ellie’s bed? It’s time for me to get Ellie up now, so you go up to your own room to get dressed.” Mum began to pick up the things to get Ellie up, but Ellie had other ideas.
“Beth’s going to get me up today, mum, so you can go and relax.” Ellie declared.
“I am?” I began to reply, but Ellie elbowed me and I stopped halfway.
“Beth, is that okay by you?” Mum asked.
“Um, I guess it is.” I replied.
Ellie was going to get her own way, and arguing was pointless. Mum left the room and I climbed out of bed.
“Shall I get dressed first?” I asked.
“Well… I expect that I’m wetter than you are, so it’d be better if I was changed first.” Ellie said in a matter of fact way. I marvelled at her lack of embarrassment.
“You’ll have to give me instructions, I’ve only had it done to me three times and each was different, I think.” I was still not sure about doing this, but if Ellie wanted me to, then I supposed it was all right.
Upon Ellie’s instruction, I moved the bed covers back and took her nightgown off, in preparation for the sponge bath. It felt really odd to be helping her to wash in such a basic way. That, and the fact that I was doing things like washing her armpits which isn’t something you ever think about doing for someone else- not at my age, anyway, and not for someone your own age, either.
Then I got out one of the absorbent bed protector pads and slid it under her hips. Ellie seemed to not really care that I was about to be seeing and touching her incredibly intimately; she was so used to it by now. She sensed my inhibition, though.
“Beth. You’ve got the same parts as me- identical, even. And you’ve even been in this body having it done to you.” Ellie said. She smiled, though, so she wasn’t annoyed with me. I think she just thought I was being weird.
“I know… it’s just odd.” I replied. I untaped her nappy and then positioned her legs, spreading them as wide as I could to make my job easier. I tried to work fairly briskly as Ellie was lying there naked, but I didn’t want to do a bad job- and I was slow because I wasn’t used to changing her. I wiped her and applied lotion, and fetched the clean nappy. When I’d put it on her, and came to remove the protective bed pad I noticed there was some urine on it.
“Heh, Ellie, you had a pee while I wasn’t looking.” I tried to be a bit more light hearted, since that seemed to be what Ellie wanted: except I’d misjudged it, because Ellie turned her face away. “I’m sorry Ellie… I didn’t think. You didn’t seem to mind the fact that you wet during the night.”
“I know, but I’m conscious now and I still can’t control myself. Plus, you’re wet too, I assume. Wetting at night is different, when you’re asleep.” Ellie replied.
I was slightly surprised by this subtlety, but I nodded. “What clothes shall I get out for you?” I asked.
“I’ll want a tshirt and some jeans, I guess. Oh, wait, there were some new vests mum ordered which came yesterday morning.” Ellie said.
“Vests?!” I exclaimed. We hadn’t worn vests for a few years now. I associated vests with small children and old men, and besides, Ellie was more fashion conscious than I was.
“Yeah, they’re special ones.” Ellie responded. “In that drawer, the one on the left.” She pointed to the chest of drawers and I pulled out a folded garment. Shaking it out, I could see that it was like fairly ordinary short sleeved vest, but that it was longer and had poppers at the crotch. Just like a baby’s, in fact.
“They’re to cover up the nappies and stop them from showing or poking out. They also stop rustle and help to keep them in place. The jeans mum bought are on the big side so that the nappies don’t show, but they’re too loose around my waist and that means they can droop down. I’d rather keep my nappies hidden, even if it does mean wearing a baby vest.” Ellie explained.
I handed it to her and she pulled it over her head, and I fastened it between her legs. Then I slid her legs into some jeans and let her fasten them up, and gave her a tshirt to put on.
“Mum does all of that for me.” Ellie grumbled. I helped her down from her bed into her wheelchair.
“Well, you said you didn’t like that always… and there’s no reason why you can’t put on your own tops.” I replied. “Now, I’m going to go up…” I began, heading towards the door.
Ellie interrupted, though, and said “Your turn now.”
I turned to face her and stood still. “What?”
“I’m going to change you now… please?” Ellie gave me a pleading look as she said this.
“But… I don’t… what do you mean?” I replied, completely bemused by Ellie’s request.
“I’m going to do the same for you as you did for me… as much as I can manage, anyway.” she explained. “Now, you just lie down and take that nightgown off, and I’ll get the sponge.”
I was too confused to do anything except comply. Ellie then proceeded to give me the same sponge bath as I had given her, though from her wheelchair which meant she couldn’t do it so well. She handed the sponge to me to finish off while she went over to the supplies and came back with things on her lap.
“I think it would be best if you were to lie acrossways on the bed, now. You can rest your feet on the edge here and you’ll fit fine with your legs bent.” Ellie indicated the side of the bed where she was waiting.
I guess perhaps I should have argued, but I didn’t- I just did as she said. She had the bed mat in place and I positioned myself as she had instructed me. Her chair was a bit too low for her to be able to reach the tapes of the nappy with ease, but she still managed it, and before I knew it I was lying completely naked and feeling very exposed. She began to wipe between my legs, though from the first touch I drew back.
“What’s the matter?” Ellie asked. “You’ve been wiped before when you were me.”
“I’m not used to feeling it done by someone else… it’s cold.” I answered. That was true enough, but I still wasn’t totally happy with her touching me so intimately. When I was in her body, it didn’t seem to matter so much because it wasn’t really me. Now it was, and I felt very uncomfortable. I allowed her to continue with the wipes and then she started with the lotion. That was also weird, but it meant she was closer to finishing, and then she unfolded the clean nappy and asked me to lift up so she could put it underneath. I pulled it into position underneath my buttocks since she couldn’t reach and then she passed it between my legs and began attempting to tape it up. I had to do some of that for her, but she still wanted to readjust each tape one by one once I’d got off the bed and stood up.
“Are you done yet? Can I go and get dressed now?” I asked.
Ellie didn’t reply with words, she replied with a pile of clothes on her lap which she’d pulled out of her own chest of drawers. Including one of the vests.
“I don’t want to wear one of those.” I complained.
“I’m wearing one, and so are you.” was Ellie’s response. She handed it to me and reluctantly I pulled it over my head. She got hold of the bottom parts and did up the poppers between my legs. Then she held out jeans, socks and a tshirt, all from her own clothing- and bigger than my usual clothes were.
“These jeans won’t stay up, Ellie.” I commented.
“Yes, that’s what the vest is for.” she said, continuing “but I think you need a belt, too.”
When that was found, Ellie wheeled herself towards the door.
“Breakfast time, dozy Beth.” she teased me.
I was still in a daze- how had I let Ellie do this to me?
“Wait- when do I get to take this off?” I questioned, pointing at my lower abdomen to indicate the nappy.
“When it needs changing, of course, silly.” Ellie responded.
I halfway through thinking what this meant when mum walked into the room. She was surprised to see me dressed but obviously didn’t think it was too odd I was wearing Ellie’s clothes. Whether she’d realised what I was wearing which she couldn’t see, I didn’t know.
“Breakfast time, girls. You’ve taken an awfully long time to get up, we want you to go and get the newspaper when you’ve done.” she said.
We used to walk the short distance to the small shop which sold papers and a few other things quite often before the accident and everything had changed. As soon as I’d finished eating, Ellie pushed herself to the back door and was heading out.
“Come on, slowcoach!” she called to me. I didn’t have much choice but to follow her out. “You’re going to have to push me some of the time, my arms will start to hurt soon.” Ellie explained. We went quite slowly to start with as Ellie wasn’t very practised. About halfway there, she asked me to push her, and I set off, going much more quickly.
“Hey! Slow down!” Ellie cried out. “I’m being all jolted about.”
“I’m sorry, Ellie, but I really need to go to the toilet. I haven’t been today at all, you didn’t give me a chance. So we have to go quickly.” I replied.
“No, we don’t.” was Ellie’s response.
“Look, Ellie- it’s bad enough having to wear one of these things, and go outside in public in it… I don’t want to use it as well.” I said, exasperatedly.
Ellie paused before saying softly “I have to wear one too, and I probably already used mine.”
I felt sorry for Ellie, then. This was the first time she’d been out in public since the accident and I’d assumed she was completely used to the idea of wearing nappies and going out in public in them. She wasn’t so confident after all, it seemed. I didn’t like the way she’d forced me into doing it with her, but I could see why she’d done it.
We went on a bit further, at a more sedate pace, when I stopped.
“What’s up?” asked Ellie.
“I can’t go, but I really need to, and it hurts.” I said, unable to keep the pain out of my voice.
“Um, you could squat down?” suggested Ellie.
“I don’t think so! There might not be many other people on the street but there are cars going past, what would they think if they saw me randomly squatting down?” I complained.
“You could pretend to be squatting down to tie up my shoelaces.” Ellie said, helpfully.
So I went round to the front of Ellie’s wheelchair and squatted down by her feet. After a few seconds I was able to pee, and the removal of pressure from my bladder felt wonderful. The wetness around my crotch was less wonderful, to me. I felt incredibly self-conscious, as if everyone around could see I’d just wet myself in public, though I knew that really no one could tell I was even wearing a nappy, nevermind whether it was used or not. The feeling didn’t pass, either, as there was now a lot more bulk between my legs and I didn’t want to end up walking strangely.
Ellie kept chatting as we went to the shop and on the way back home again, but I didn’t have a lot to say. When we got home, we went into the downstairs bathroom, and I dropped my jeans and undid the vest’s poppers and pulled off the saturated nappy. Ellie wanted me to put another one on, but I refused. Instead, I wiped myself down, did up the vest between my legs and pulled the jeans back up, before I went upstairs to my own room to put some proper underwear on.
I stayed there for as much time as I could, for the rest of the day. Though I did feel sorry for Ellie and I knew she was finding it hard, I felt like she was using me and pushing me into doing things I didn’t want to do. I was rapidly becoming Ellie’s pawn, and I couldn’t see how to stop it from getting worse.
Later that afternoon, I got a phone call from Josie, one of my friends. She asked me if I wanted to go to her house for a sleepover tomorrow before school started soon, and in a reckless moment which was quite unlike me, I agreed. I hadn’t seen much of my friends at all in the last couple of weeks, and I was quick to blame that on Ellie. I also had to go back to the doctor’s tomorrow, and though I wasn’t too worried I knew it would be good to have something nice to look forward to in the afternoon. I also knew (though I was trying to forget about it) that there was a potential problem, and I had to decide what to do about it.