The bell rang. Class was over. I had officially finished my first day of school. It was a long and strange day, but the strangest part was how I was already starting to feel adjusted to the new setting. When Kamila and I left the locker room and reached the front courtyard, we said goodbye to each other naturally as if we had been friends for years. I already thought of her, as well as Linus, as people I could trust about anything. Maybe we weren’t that close yet, but I had a feeling we’d reach that point in a short period of time.
The courtyard was packed with students scrambling to get home. Some were climbing onto yellow buses, some were weaving through the traffic of the carpool line, and some simply headed down the sidewalk to walk home. And if they weren’t leaving, they were standing or sitting on the grass chatting, I assume waiting for their ride. I noticed that none of the students were going in or out of the parking lot adjacent to the building. Did no one have their driver’s license? Maybe the school just doesn’t allow students to come in their own cars. Weird rule, but I know it wouldn’t be the first place to do that.
I spotted Mom’s van in the carpool line, and I started over there. I recalled our fight from this morning, and I knew it would be awkward speaking to her. That’s why as soon as I climbed into the front seat, I said nothing but “Hey Mom.”
Mom in turn responded with nothing but “Hi Amber.” Then she pulled herself out of the line of cars and took off.
I turned my head and saw Tasha sitting in her car seat and staring at a picture book. “How was your day, Tash?” I asked her.
She looked up. “Good. Went to new pweschool.”
“Did you have fun?”
“Yeah, lots,” she answered, with an enthusiastic smile. “They got a biggah pwayground than my old one.”
“And I should ask you the same question, Amber,” Mom cut in. “How was school?”
I looked back up at her. It was as if she was expecting a specific answer. “It was alright,” I said. “The classes are kinda more intense, but I think I’ll catch up. Oh, and I met some people.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll meet them soon.”
“That’s good,” she said. Her tone of voice sounded like she was responding without really listening to what I was saying. Then she asked, “You weren’t too much trouble for the principal, I hope?”
I sank in my seat. “How do you know about that?”
“I got a call from the school. Apparently you were in serious trouble.”
“Nothing happened, Mom! The principal realized I was new, so he let me go.”
“Okay, okay,” she responded. “Don’t get upset. I just want to know, are you wearing a diaper now?”
I blushed and hesitated before answering. “Yes.”
“Good, and it’s going to stay on from now,” she said condescendingly. “It’s time you get used to wearing them.” This was the kind of tone she used with Tasha when she was dealing with her potty training. It was weird to hear the same voice when dealing with the exact opposite issue. I had no way to answer, so I just sank lower in my seat.
Mom must have noticed my distress, so she chuckled a little and said, “I’ll admit, it was funny getting the phone call and hearing the secretary scold me for sending you to school dressed inappropriately. Never in my life did I expect a call like that.”
I chuckled back. “Yeah, I’m sorry I fought with you this morning, Mom. I guess it was all futile. It’s just… weird, you know?”
“It certainly would have taken me awhile to adjust if I was the one that had to wear them,” Mom answered. “I’m glad you’re mature enough that you eventually respected this new custom. Tasha, on the other hand, was more than willing to put on her diaper for preschool. Isn’t that right, baby?”
“Yeawh, Mommy. I can wear diapers fowever now?”
Mom smiled. “Well, let’s just say it will be for a long time.”
Tasha giggled. I thought about that girl from PE who said she could barely remember what it was like not wearing diapers before moving to Timberly. I couldn’t help but wonder if in a few years Tasha would remember that she ever began potty training. She’d be just as clueless about the outside world as Kamila was.
We pulled into the driveway, and I went straight for my room. I had homework to do, but I had more important things on my mind. I wanted to know how ridiculous I looked with my new “underwear.” I stripped off all my clothes, leaving myself in just my bra and the diaper. I closed my eyes, turned towards the mirror, and counted to three.
When I opened my eyes, I expected to see an oversized baby in an oversized nursery. To my surprise, what I saw was just plain old me. I didn’t look bad, and the diaper didn’t take away from my teen figure. I had to agree with Jade’s comment from the other week; I was pretty cute if I could say so myself. Maybe even sexy? I tried to picture Darrin Mavarick saying those words to me.
You’re so sexy, Amber, I could hear him say. Wait… except for that diaper. It makes you look like a freak.
I tried to shake the voice out of my mind, but imaginary Darrin Mavarick was right. There was nothing socially acceptable about this. Nothing.
But then came another voice. I think you’re beautiful, it said. No matter what you’re wearing. I tried to place the voice, and then I remembered… it was Cameron, the boy from naptime. I smiled, but then I shook my head again. If I kept hearing boys speaking to me in my head, I’d soon have to check myself into an insane asylum.
The thought of Jade reminded me that I needed to call her. Even better, it was time for a video chat! I rushed over to my desk to start my laptop, but as Panels was booting up, I thought to myself if I really wanted Jade to see what I looked like in this current condition. Sure I could easily hide the diaper if the webcam only showed the upper half of my body. But I certainly couldn’t hide the fact that my bedroom looked like a baby’s nursery! I knew Jade wouldn’t care, but I didn’t feel like explaining it at the moment.
So instead of the video chat, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed her. On the third ring, I heard my best friend say, “Hey girl, 'bout time you called. I was waiting by my phone all night yesterday waiting for you.”
“Sorry 'bout that,” I responded. “I’ve been busy adjusting and all.”
“So how miserable is your new life?”
“Actually it’s not that bad. I’ve met some cool people, they helped me get used to the new school and all. Haven’t really explored town yet. But school’s not bad.”
“So it’s not some evil dictatorship run by the CEO of Timberly-Marks?”
“Not that I’m aware of,” I answered. I decided not to bring up the diapers, even though they were on the front of the mind. It didn’t help that they crinkled as I paced around the room.
“Well I’m glad you’re having a good time,” Jade started. “My day was shit. I had to sit through art in silence while everyone else happily chatted away with their friends. Not to mention at lunch I ate with Jennifer Hanson.”
“She’s not so bad.”
“She is when she and her boyfriend are being all lovey-dovey with each other the whole time. I swear, if that dumb blonde ever shoves another French fry into his mouth, I’ll rip her curls out.”
“Uh, Jennifer Hanson’s a brunette, Jade,” I pointed out. “You’re thinking of Jennifer Xavier.”
“Damn it, I knew I’ve been mixing them up since seventh grade!” she exclaimed. “Anyways, I’m gonna have to avoid her from now. She thinks just 'cause I’ve lost you it means I want to join her groupies. When you coming to visit, girl?”
“I haven’t even been gone for two days!”
“I know,” Jade said disappointed. “I just miss you, girl. It seems like forever. When’s the last time we were apart more than 24 hours?”
“What about every summer you go visit your family in Canada?”
“That doesn’t count! Oh, speaking of Canada, let me tell you this stupid thing that Greg Sustera did in French today. He was sitting behind Courtney, who happened to be wearing a really short skirt. In the middle of the lecture, he dropped his pencil and…”
Knowing this would be one of Jade’s long rants, I crashed onto my crib/bed and tuned out. Upon hitting the mattress, I realized I hadn’t used the bathroom since the morning. And now I really needed to. I started to get back up when I remembered that I was wearing my bathroom. I looked down at my diaper, with the print of Sloopy the Dog staring back at me. Was this to be the moment of no return?
I didn’t see any other choice. After the fight this morning, Mom certainly wouldn’t let me use her bathroom. And I wasn’t going to squat in the shower again. If I had to use diapers for the next three years, I might as well start now.
Only it wasn’t as easy as I thought. My brain must have not comprehended the idea of voluntarily peeing myself, as when I tried to let my bladder loose, I felt nothing come out. I started thinking to myself, It’s okay to wet the diaper. Yes, it’s weird, but it’s okay. Just do it. This didn’t work either. I needed an alternative method.
I sat on the end of my bed and positioned myself as if I were on a toilet. I told myself, I’m sitting on a toilet. I’m in the bathroom. It’s okay to pee. It’s okay to wet myself. I repeated this in my head continuously. I tried to clear my mind of anything but these thoughts. It’s okay to wet myself. Just do it. Finally, I felt the stream coming out.
I was satisfied, except for one thing. Unlike a toilet, I couldn’t just wipe and flush it away. I was wearing my urine. My upper legs felt warm, as if someone had just poured a bucket of warm water onto them. I looked back at the diaper and saw Sloopy had turned a shade of yellow. The more I thought about, the more I realized how gross this actually was. I just purposely wet myself and now I was sitting in it!
“Amber? Amber? You there?” I heard. Jade’s voice brought me out of my trance. My phone had fallen onto the carpet, so I picked it up and responded.
“Yeah, sorry about that,” I answered. “I, uh… Tasha wandered in and, uh, asked me a question.”
“That’s okay,” Jade said. “But what do you think? Should Courtney have still eaten the cheesecake after what happened?”
“Uh, I gotta go, Jade. I need to… change Tasha’s Leg-ups.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll talk to ya tomorrow. Let’s video chat next time, 'kay?”
“Uh, sure. Bye.” I hung up the phone and dropped it. I needed a new diaper.