I apologize in advance if this is not the right place to put this submission.
Long story short:
I’m working on a Diaper Dimension story
Essentially the first Creative Writing/Fiction I’ve even done
It’s largely off the cuff, developing as I go
Would like feedback on this shit, because Creative Writing/Fiction is not and has never been my thing; FAR FROM IT
This is a foreign land to me, at least for writing, so treat me like an idiot when it comes to criticism
Read up a bit on the advice for new writers topic, tried to utilize it a bit
Pretty Drunk right now. Only Reason why I’m actually putting this up.
Merely the beginning. Very, very, VERY rough sketch, if you will.
Again, please, any criticism. Too long, too short. Too detailed, not detailed enough. Unfocused, too focused. Poorly written, sentences/paragraphs poorly structured. Please.
As reluctant as I am to do this, I believe it will help me spearhead the rest of the story.
The World Awaits (Pending)
“Hnngghhh…Hup!” She grunted a bit as she hoisted herself up on the top bar of the crib she was imprisoned in. The diaper didn’t help – the damned thing pushing near pushing her legs apart – but she managed. Sitting atop her prison wall gave her pause. She surveyed the room once more, and contemplated her next action. Lord knows this was a once in a lifetime chance for a Little; a careless Amazon and a chance for escape. She couldn’t have asked for a better hand. No baby-monitor, no cameras, no microphones, no sign of surveillance. It was a simple nursery, and nothing stood between her and the door. “Perfect. Dumb bitch is a newbie,” she thought. From the horror stories she’d heard about the kidnappings of Littles, Shelly figured they were all evil masterminds. “Guess it’s always worse in your head,” she thought dismissively.
She carefully maneuvered herself down one of the crib bars, and dropped to the carpeted floor below. Bare feet meant a painful landing, given the distance. Shaking the sting out of her feet, she made her way over to the cardboard box her former clothes were packed in. It carelessly lay in out in the open next to the door – another sign of a virgin adopter. She effortlessly took off the onesie and diaper she was forced into and threw on her old clothes. Panties, jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie weren’t much, but they felt like a warm familial hug after the last ensemble she was forced into. There wasn’t much in the way of fashion for Littles anyway, much to her annoyance. Slipping into her sneakers, she grabbed the box and placed it in front of the door. She took her place on it, turned the knob, and silently dashed out. She carefully but swiftly paced down the hallway and to the foyer. She noticed the doggy door unblocked on the front door. She smirked. The luck she had, getting taken by a complete amateur! With a fist pump she made her escape. She found herself on the sidewalk, and without thinking took off towards the cityscape. Jogging so as to not wear herself out, she kept moving. Adrenaline fueled every step, determined to escape the nightmare she was stuck in. A quarter-hour later, she found herself amongst the tall buildings and the bright lights of the city.
And there Shelly Alunni stood, 3:07 AM, middle of fucking nowhere as far as she was concerned. Had naught but ten bucks and a Little’s pocket-knife on her. Shelly drooped, her auburn hair settling right past her shoulder blades in the back, and resting atop her breasts in the front. “So much for freedom,” she muttered as her shoulders slumped. Just a few hours earlier, she sat at a bus-stop waiting for her ride to her apartment, rented by her kind Inbetweener roommate. All it took was a motherly Amazon, “Where’s your Mommy and Daddy, kiddo?” and that’s all she wrote. The last thing a nigh five-foot Little is going to do is to fend off a self-righteous Amazon. But now what? What was she to do? An hour’s walk from her apartment, never mind the fact that that damned Amazon filled in the proper paperwork when abducting this free Little. Of all the bureaucratic procedures in the world, that one just had to be the seamless one. Her place in her apartment was as good as gone, and no doubt the Inbetweener would be receiving a note soon enough. A long scowl formed on her face as she thought, “These sacks of shit have every base fucking covered.” She was a fighter, though. Better homeless than a doll to whatever lowlife happened to fancy her.
There were only a couple of hours before the early working Amazons came shambling out onto the streets. She quickly traversed her way to an alleyway, ducked in between two high-risers. No homeless Amazons, to her luck. She spotted a dumpster and some discarded cardboard. Tearing a sizeable piece from the long piece with her knife, she got to work on her temporary shelter. Sucking in air from the effort, she ended up with half an A-Frame with the cardboard leaning against the dumpster. As she was about to settle into her new little home, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Letting out a shrill gasp, she turned towards the source of the hand while a terrifyingly cold sweat overwhelmed her. Blinking several times to gather her shaky vision, she saw an unwashed Inbetweener in a ragged jacket and torn slacks, a wide grin on his face. “Mmrrgh,” he gurgled, “Hey dwarf, lloooks like ya lucky one. Ya found a daddy to treatcha right heh heh.” He was on something, no doubt, but that only multiplied her fear. Her throat locked up as she struggled to get anything out. This was nothing like earlier; this was like hell staring her in the face. Her bladder loosened slightly as she felt her clean panties dampen slightly.
As he brought another hand towards her, a voice called out in a casual tone, “Oh! My little girl!” The voice seeped faux surprise, really faux surprise. “Thank you so much for finding my girl!” it rang again. Shelly and the Inbetweener looked over to a corner in the alley where the voice sounded from. There stood an Amazon man, leaned against the wall of the building, must have been in his late twenties or early thirties. His dark, brown hair was clean yet slicked back, reaching his shoulders. Wearing a pair of work-boots, dark jeans, a grey t-shirt underneath a brown, cheap, thick jacket, and a painfully obnoxious smirk on his face, he stepped away from the corner and towards the pair. He seemed somewhat careful in his step, as though slightly keeping balance. The cold sweat continued to cover Shelly. She stared wide-eyed at the roughly eleven feet-tall man as she felt the grip slightly loosen on her shoulder. “She took off earlier and I’ve been so worried! I’m so glad I found her,” the man proclaimed with all the sincerity of a politician. Shelly panicked again as she wondered just who this schmuck was fooling.
To her surprise, though, she saw the Inbetweener freeze up and back away towards the street. Shelly then quickly remembered the hierarchy here: Inbetweeners stand lower than Amazons, figuratively and literally. The man spat out an incomprehensible apology, and hurried towards the streets.
That whole episode done, she looked towards the Amazon savior, but quickly realized that he was simply her new captor. Fear hit her again, and she clammed up. “Hey, girlie. Pretty late out, ah? Where’s your Mommy and Daddy?” She cringed as she relived the terror she felt earlier. It was easy to act tough muttering insults under your breath while your naïve captor slept two rooms away. It was another thing to face a kidnapping full on. Without much thought and quivering quite a bit, she quickly brandished her pocketknife with both her hands and pointed it at the man. The man’s smirk widened for a split second, then without warning he suddenly gasped and looked to his right. Shelly’s frantic gaze followed, and before she knew it the knife was plucked from her hands and tossed aside.
The dirty smirk reformed on the man’s face as he turned towards her. “Well?” The man’s smirk kept as he tilted his head.
“D-don’t have any,” she stuttered, failing to keep her cool. Her brows furrowed and her head subtly retreated; suddenly, her panties felt a slight bit warmer. “Ah!” he exclaimed, “Perfect!” He shuffled forward and squatted in front of her. “Then, you wouldn’t mind coming with me, would you?” She thought she detected a faint scent of alcohol, probably whisky, on his breath. Though she knew there was only one proper response, indignation took over. “Do I have a choice?” Somehow his seemingly ever-present smirk widened into a full-faced grin. “You know that was a dumb question, girlie.” He reached his hand out, and shortly after she reluctantly took it. With a gasp, she was hoisted up with her backside lying out against his arms like a bride carried by her bridegroom. She thought the nonsense with the prior Amazon would have prepared her for this, but she still felt just as wronged. Astonishingly however, he offered the last proposition she thought she’d ever hear. “Let’s have a drink, girlie,” he said, an uncertain air about him as he looked down at her. At least, uncertain to her. She had no idea what to expect from here on out.
I’m posting this to get a better understanding of creative writing, as well to perhaps weather opinions on the DD setting. I don’t like posting any of it before it’s done, but I’m impulsive right now, so that’s how it is.
I hope this benefits me. Holy shit I’m drunk.