The wet ski trip

The wet ski trip

Fiona awoke one morning with a strange feeling around her crotch, something she thought that she had outgrown for years now. She had wet the bed. She is 18 years old, she is quite short with blonde hair and a nice pear-shaped body. She had never thought that she looked or acted her own age and the fact that she had wet the bed the night before she was going to a ski trip with her best friend Tina and Tina’s family that she had known since kindergarten didn’t help. Fiona has a past with bedwetting but she thought it had stopped for good when she turned 14. She looked at the alarm clock and jumped out of the bed. Tina was going to pick her up at any minute now. Fiona guessed that this occurred because she was so excited about the ski trip last night and wanted to sleep early so she went to bed at 9 pm. Before that she was up with her family and watched the series “Friends”. She drank a lot of soda that night and then she couldn’t fall asleep. She was up until 11 pm before she got too tired to even be excited anymore. “It had to be the soda and the fact that I didn’t pee for so long before I feel asleep. It didn’t help the fact that I literally passed out of exhaustion.” She thought. There she was, 18 years old and she wet the bed and her friend is coming any minute.

How will she be able to hide this? Not only from Tina but from her family. She has an 9-year-old little sister that has kept her bed dry for years now. The only solution she had was to text Anna, her sister’s mom. (They don’t have the same mom.) And ask her to fix it after she left for the ski trip. As embarrassing as it was she really didn’t want her friend or her sister to know about this.

She packed the night before so after her quick shower she got a text from her friend saying that she and her family was outside. Fiona hurried to her room to get dressed and she could smell the pee when she opened the door. “I just hope that my sister doesn’t wake up before my mom and decides to walk in here” she thought to herself. She got dressed fast and went to the door.

Well outside of the house she was greeted by her best friend and told her to get in the car so they start their trip. It was a 10-hour car trip with a full packed car with four people in it. The people other than Fiona herself and her friend Tina was Tina’s Mom and Dad. Tina has a much older sister Emma that is 30 years old that has a 7-year-old son and a husband that will meet them at the cabin as well.

They had so much fun that she almost forgot to text her mom about the accident. She wrote: “Hi Anna! I’m on my way to the ski trip and it’s going to be a blast but I have one problem. I don’t know what happened last night but I accidently wet the bed. Can you please clean my mattress and everything else for me? I was in such a hurry this morning that I didn’t have the time for that. Sorry. Can you please keep this between us as well? I feel really embarrassed about it.”

Anna answered: “Sorry to hear this Hun. I will clean everything right away and I don’t think your sister has noticed anything. You did drink quite a lot of soda last night, maybe you should try to avoid drinking to much before bedtime during the trip? Love you.”

She got so embarrassed about what Anna wrote to her. “Did she think that I was going to wet the bed again? I haven’t done that since I was 14 and she knows that better than anyone. She checked my fucking wet diapers every morning… Okay there was that one time when I was drunk and passed out on the couch when I came home but that was understandable right? I had never been that drunk before and didn’t know any better.” She thought to herself. She tried to forget what Anna had said and didn’t care about what she thought. She will do whatever she wants to do.

After a while of reading she started getting desperate to pee. She hadn’t gone since her accident and more than a couple of hours had passed since then. They stopped for only an hour ago, but she didn’t need to go that bad then, so she decided to hold it in for now. 30 minutes later she’s almost bursting. Her friend started noticing her strange behavior and asked what was wrong. Fiona said that she had to pee and asked the driver if they could stop. The driver was Tina’s dad and he told her that they are soon going to stop to eat in about half an hour and that she surely could hold it until that. Fiona didn’t have any more to say and just started to hold it as good as she could. 20 minutes has passed and she is bursting right now. She tries so hard to hold it and has a hand firmly on her crotch.

They finally arrived at McDonalds so she could go to the bathroom but another car almost crashed into them at the parking lot and Tina’s dad had to do a quick break and the force from the car made Fiona gasp and let out a little pee. It wasn’t much and she didn’t see any pee stain on her pants so she was lucky. When she finally got to the restroom she almost had an accident trying to get her pants off. A little bit more pee came into her panties as she jacked of her pants. She was so relieved when she let loose in the toilet, well most of it in the toilet anyway. When she was done, and started putting her pants and panties back on she saw that her panties were soaked. They were literally drained in pee. She had no choice but to toss them in the trash and only have pants on but she thought that she would manage because she mostly sat in the car anyway. It’s not like she had to go very far, only when she needed the bathroom.

She was quite thirsty after not having anything to drink because of her screaming bladder so she ordered one large soda and then she ordered a milkshake to go with the food. Once back on the road again after having been reading for the last 2 hours she started feeling a tiny sensation in her bladder but it wasn’t much and she started getting tired so she drifted off to sleep. She woke up in horror realizing what happened. It hadn’t even been 24 hours and she had peed herself in her sleep again. She woke up by her friend pushing her and told her that she had wet herself. She was devastated and started crying. Tina didn’t try to be mean but she didn’t want to sit next to her with pee everywhere so her dad stopped the car and she cleaned the car as good as she could and had to sit in her pee stained jeans and a towel for the remaining of the trip. The jeans were very unconformable while wet and she could smell her pee for the rest of the trip.

She was a bit sad that she peed herself in her sleep again and really embarrassed because it happened in front of her best friend. “She could probably see the whole thing and see my pants getting darker and wetter.” Fiona thought.
Tina knew that Fiona wet the bed a lot before but she also knows that it was several years ago, since she last heard of an accident from Fiona. Fiona didn’t know what was happening and was worried about the rest of her trip.

They finally arrived at the cabin where they would stay for a week and Fiona quickly got in to take a shower. After her shower, Emma, Tina’s sister, her child and husband arrived at the cabin. Fiona didn’t even think about the possibilities that Emma and her family could have been here before us and witness my wet pants. She imagined herself getting out of the car and into the cabin and being greeted by Emma and her 7-year-old son in obviously wet pants. “Her kid was 7 and I am sure that he had stayed dry for the whole trip.” Fiona thought and was disappointed at herself. It was getting late and Fiona was tired so she went to bed straight away. She wanted to go to bed out of embarrassment as well. Everyone was nice about her accident but she just wanted to be alone for now. She and Tina shared room but had separate beds. Fiona was scared to wet the bed this night as well and couldn’t fall asleep. After worrying for a while and thinking about what Tina and her family would say if she wet the bed at the cabin. But she hadn’t had any fluids all day since McDonalds and made sure to go to the bathroom before going to the bed so she should be alright she thought.

The next morning when she woke up she was so relieved that the bed still was dry. She hasn’t been this happy about having a dry bed since she was 14. The embarrassing part was that Tina asked if she had wet the bed that morning, she has always been a bit of a teaser but I know that she cares about me. She has never told anyone about my secret and I am extremely thankful because of that.

They went down to get breakfast and everyone stared at her for a while in the morning “Maybe they expected me to be a bedwetter? Maybe they thought that I had diapers with me for the night? I couldn’t stop thinking about what others thought about me and that was a huge problem for me.” Fiona thought. The day went on and they were finally going to go skiing. She got dressed and had so many layers of clothes on her and even a big overall as well.

She went out to ski and had one of the best days in her life. She started getting desperate to pee but she knew that there were only an hour left for skiing and she didn’t want to go to the toilet and back since that would take too much of her time. She decided to hold it but was starting to get desperate. Her bladder was screaming at her when Tina asked if they could go one more time together. Of course, she could go one more time, she is not a little baby that can’t hold her pee. she thought about herself. and went up with the lift. The only problem was that the lift got stuck. The lift got stuck halfway up and they weren’t moving anymore. “Tina this is bad and I really need to use the bathroom. I might have an accident if the lift doesn’t start moving soon.” Fiona said. Tina teased her a bit at first and told her that she should be in diapers then if she can’t hold her bladder. She noticed how sad Fiona got when she mentioned diapers so she quit and just sat there instead. Fiona has a haunting past with diapers. She had worn diapers every night until she was 14 and would often wear diapers at car trips until that age as well and she hated it. Fiona’s desperation started increasing and she was holding a hand inside her overall do try and hold it. She knew that she wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom if the lift wasn’t going to start moving soon. The lift started moving a couple of minutes later and she believed that she could hold it even though it took a couple of minutes getting to the bathroom. She had totally forgot that she must ski down the slope before she could reach the bathroom.

They were at the top of the slope and couldn’t think of anything than to get to a bathroom in time. She was embarrassed even thinking about having another accident in front of Tina. She had even started leaking a bit in her pants to be honest but since she has so much clothes on her no one knew. The first half of the slope went well and she could hold herself but then when she got near the end she felt herself losing it a little and a spurt of pee came out of her in her pants. She panicked when this happened and she lost control of the skis and fell to the ground. She twisted around a lot in the snow and finally stopped almost at the end of the slope. Fiona felt okay though, she felt a lot better than before she fell. She gasped as she understood why she felt much better. Her bladder had failed her and was still peeing as she laid on the ground. She could see the snow turn yellow around her and everything got a lot warmer. she started crying. As relieved as she was she couldn’t stop crying. She must have looked like a 7-year-old at that moment and she could feel everyone’s eyes staring at her, judging her.

There she was, having her third accident in two days. She was devastated. This time it wasn’t even in her sleep, she wet herself because she didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. When Tina came to help her she noticed the accident instantly when she saw the yellow snow around Fiona and the fact that she had an turquoise overall that got pretty soaked and became a lot darker. Tina and Fiona was the last people to come down that slope and the whole family waited for them to be done so everyone witnessed her embarrassing accident as well.

This is my first ever story and I want to keep writing on this. It is still in its early stage but I feel that I must evolve on my writing skills. I really want to become better but I don’t know how. I have some ideas like adding more dialog between the characters since upon reading my text a few times i noticed that the characters rarely speak to each other. I will get better at that for the next chapter. And I don’t know anything about chapters as well. When is it good to end a chapter? We have a lovely community here and I want to become a part of it for sure! Please don’t just say all the bad things I would be happy if you said something nice as well. And no English isn’t my primary language I am a 19-year-old guy from Sweden. Thanks for reading!

Re: The wet ski trip

How do i remove a post? The text got messed up

Re: The wet ski trip

Huh… this is the second time this has happened to someone. I’d really rather not remove it.

Did you copy and paste this from Word or another word processor? And if so, which one?

Also, what browser are you using?

Re: The wet ski trip

Actually, try editing your post again, and delete everything that is currently in it and try the copy and paste again. I found a weird error in the error log from when you posted and adjusted a few things that should fix it :slight_smile:

Re: The wet ski trip

I liked it but I wouldn’t call it good. The writing is very mechanical, it conveys events but doesn’t hold emotion or any real tone. It’s not poorly written, it’s just dry.

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The constant switch between 1st and 3rd person in distracting, otherwise, a good start.

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how ironic… xD

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[QUOTE=abdltimmy;66819]The constant switch between 1st and 3rd person in distracting, otherwise, a good start.

[/QUOTE]

I didn’t notice, the large paragraphs make it hard to notice things. The author’s earlier comments suggest this is a technical issue rather than a writing issue so I didn’t call them out on it.

My dry writing style is meant to make me hard to identify should I ever become famous enough to attract dedicated stalkers (in- or outside the community). I don’t expect that to happen in the next decade but it never hurts to plan ahead.

PS: Loving the multi-quote tool. A lot easier than using multiple tabs.

Re: The wet ski trip

Fixed! Yeah thanks to all the responses! It is my first story ever written as you could tell. I know it may take some time but I do want to become better at story telling so I will just have to keep on writing I suppose.

So, I shouldn’t jump between 1st and 3rd? My favorite story: “Older sister Chelsea’s secret” Does this a lot and I love how it is written. Is it wrong or am I doing it poorly?
https://abdlstoryforum.info/threads/5406-Older-sister-Chelsea-s-secret

Re: The wet ski trip

Either you are telling the story of you (1st person; I) or someone else is telling about you (3rd person; He, She). You need to pick a format and stick with it. You can go third person when talking about others.

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Mostly, your first/third is OK, because Fiona’s thoughts are in first person, while the narrative is in third person. A little more separation between Fiona thinking and third person narrative would help. Right now, it is easy to miss the transition between third person narrative and first person thought. You could break it into separate paragraphs like dialog. Another possibility authors sometimes use is to put thought in italics.

Switching narrative between first and third can be done, though that tends to be switching between one character in first person, and another in third person. A clear delineation is needed to do that well.

Regarding chapter lengths, there is no ruleset to follow. Typically, a chapter covers some block of time with a sensible start and end. As far as length, a thousand words may be pushing on too short, while over five thousand may take longer to get read because people don’t always have time when they see it.

There are few if any rules that can’t be broken, but the conventions usually develop for a reason, and understanding them by following them will help you break them artistically when you do.

With English not your first language, you are doing very well.

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There IS a way to do a hybrid 1st and 3rd person style if it is something that could benefit your story. It is not recommended for a story of this nature however. Stick to one. In terms of beginners stuff, 1st person is good for intimate story telling, allowing yourself and us to be the character, 3rd is better for a kind of broadstrokes story telling. Where you have a scenario you want to show off and the characters are a little more on the disposable side. Obviously, as you get better with practice, the styles matter less and less but for now, it’s easier to think of them in this way.

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A lot of authors will put first-person thoughts in italics, interspersed with the main 3rd person narrative. That often works very well. But we can’t have stuff like “Fiona didn’t even think about the possibilities that Emma and her family could have been here before us and witness my wet pants.” Here you’re switching between 1st and 3rd person perspective in the middle of a sentence! That just shows that you’re not thinking things through. Surely “my” does not refer to Fiona here, as she wouldn’t be speaking about herself in the third person. But of course that’s your intention, so you need to keep it consistent.

So far I see poor prose and a very cliched story. I could to some extent forgive one or the other, but the two combined make for an awful read. I don’t want to be too harsh on a new writer, but I would suggest taking a step back and thinking about the story. Forget the prose for a moment. Because this story so far wouldn’t have been good even if Shakespeare wrote it. It’s far too cliché. I don’t get any sense of the characters; they’re like hooks onto which the author can hang one cliché after the other. Make me care about them! Show me some scenes that make me care about the characters and what happens to them. Then I might even be able to overlook such shoddy sentences as the one I quoted above.

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[QUOTE=satyr;66852]
So far I see poor prose and a very cliched story. I could to some extent forgive one or the other, but the two combined make for an awful read. I don’t want to be too harsh on a new writer, but I would suggest taking a step back and thinking about the story. Forget the prose for a moment. Because this story so far wouldn’t have been good even if Shakespeare wrote it. It’s far too cliché. I don’t get any sense of the characters; they’re like hooks onto which the author can hang one cliché after the other. Make me care about them! Show me some scenes that make me care about the characters and what happens to them. Then I might even be able to overlook such shoddy sentences as the one I quoted above.[/QUOTE]

That’s a bit harsh . English is not the posters first language and he appears to be a teenager… (going by his username). And it’s his first story so of course it is going to need a lot of work in the Strunk and White Department, and rather thick and fast with the cliches and Tropes. he/she is doing well despite that. I don’t know if was meant to be as harsh as you sounded, but if we scare away all the noobs., we won’t have anything new to read in two or three years.

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There’s nothing wrong with the poster’s English per se. It appears fluent enough. Let’s get credit where credit is due.

The issues I mentioned aren’t exclusive to English. They apply to storytelling and narrative across languages. I don’t want to scare away anyone, but my response was honest and constructive. I didn’t say “go home and give up writing.” I said, right now I see some issues; here they are. I encourage OP to continue working on their story with that in mind.

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First of all, I would have to say that this isn’t bad. Especially if this is your first attempt. At first glance I couldn’t find any glaring grammar or spelling mistakes. That said, it was a bit… well, meh.

If I were to give you some advice, I’d first echo some of the previous commenters when it comes to showing what’s internal dialogue and what’s not. Personally I prefer to use italics, but precisely how you do it is entirely up to you.

Secondly, flesh out your characters. These are people with more than just a physical appearance and a weak bladder. I’m not saying that you should write a ten page essay on their hopes and dreams, but maybe try to figure out what they are like as people. What makes them tick? Much of this information might not end up directly in your story, but it helps you get inside their heads.

And last, but not least: Shorter sentences. For example: The sentence “She had never thought that she looked or acted her own age and the fact that she had wet the bed the night before she was going to a ski trip with her best friend Tina and Tina’s family that she had known since kindergarten didn’t help.” would probably be easier to read if you divided it into two or maybe three separate sentences.

Of course, these are just my thoughts and you should bear in mind that I am in no way an expert (nor a native English speaker, for that matter).