The Valley of the Lost (One-shot)

The sun was nearing the horizon by the time the group of travelers could spot their destination for that day on top of a hill in the distance, after ten hours of walking in the mountains of the Cocora Valley.

“Don’t let your eyes deceive you” said the leader of the group from behind “It looks close, but we’ve got at least another hour to go before we get there” Everyone else silently nodded their heads in response, either too tired to voice their answer, or having all their attention taken away by the exotic landscape before them.

Jacqueline was among the ones in the second category, standing still for a moment and letting a cloud of white smoke out of her mouth as she sighed in awe at the sight before her. The vegetation she was used to had long since been totally replaced by espeletias, some of them reaching as high as three meters tall, all she could see if she turned around was hills covered in them, with the sun shining from behind her and bathing the steep hill in front of her in a way that made her feel as if she was now standing on another planet, on a world she had never seen. From what she had read, espeletias only grew about one centimeter every year, which meant most of the lifeforms surrounding her had been there long before she even existed.

A rush of cold wind waved her long black hair and brought her out of her trance, she shuddered and exhaled another small cloud of white vapor before readjusting the wool hat intended to keep her head warm and resuming her way.

She hadn’t even made a step when she felt someone lay their hand softly on her left shoulder.

“Takes the breath out of you for a moment, doesn’t it?” Spoke a girl with chestnut hair standing beside her. Maria, her best friend, and the one who had convinced her to make this trip in the first place.

“It sure does, it feels like a whole new world!” the girl on her side smiled.

“Well, don’t get too marveled, the camping site is still about four kilometers away, and we have to be there before it gets dark”

Feeling her energies renewed, Jacqueline breathed in deeply and resumed her steps, eager to reach the camping site before sunset. Her thoughts wandered to one particular memory of the day previous to the start of their trip, when they were checking for the umpteenth time they had gathered everything they could need in the four days it would last.

“You sure you got everything?”

“Yup, we won’t be the ones carrying our luggage on the way up, so it doesn’t matter if it’s a bit heavy” Maria replied.

“We won’t?” Jacqueline asked, surprised.

“Of course not, it’s too heavy for us! You can pay to have it carried by a mule”

“Heh, if that’s how it is then you could also pay to have the mule carry you all the way to the top” Jacqueline joked.

“Well, actually you can, but it takes away all the fu-” Maria stopped mid sentence to check again on the things she was going to include in her luggage “I knew I was forgetting something!” With that, the brunette stood up and headed for the door of the hotel room they were staying in “It’ll just be a short trip to a near pharmacy, could you please start packing our stuff meanwhile?”

“Uh… sure, what are you going to buy?”

“Thanks, Jacquie! I’ll try to not take too long” With that, the cheerful girl shut the door behind her, leaving her perplexed friend wondering why she had ignored her question.

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“You’re kidding…” Was all she could blurt out once she saw what her friend had made such a scene about: A package of twelve medium sized disposable adult diapers.

“Nope, I’m not” Maria replied, painfully oblivious to her friend’s confusion.

“But… none of us needs diapers as far as I know”

“I know we don’t silly, but you’ll thank me later for bringing them” With that, Maria snatched the package of white undergarments from her friend’s hands and stuffed it in their luggage along with the rest of their stuff.

Not wanting to dwell any further on the matter, Jacqueline emitted a sigh and opted to finish packing her things, barely unable to contain her excitement about the trip they were going to make…

About an hour and a half later, Jacqueline found herself sitting close to a fireplace, holding a cup of hot chocolate between her gloved hands. The place was quite small, so everyone was sitting next to each other in hopes of receiving some of the heat that emanated from the fireplace that doubled as oven in the small kitchen they had been invited into upon their arrival. The house, which could be more accurately described as a quite big cabin, was the only one in several kilometers around, and the last one they would find on their way up to the top of the mountain they were headed to, it was located right behind a hill and from the back of it a good part of the valley could be seen, splattered with greens and yellows, the mountain they were intending to climb to sitting high in the distance with it’s white icy top.

Feeling cozy from all the heat surrounding her, Jacqueline happily lifted the mug to her mouth, intending to take a sip, only to be softly stopped by her friend.

“Right now your sense of temperature isn’t working well, that chocolate is hot enough to burn your throat and your mouth, just let it cold a few minutes” Maria told her. The raven haired girl simply stared at the vapor rising from the hot liquid, letting herself be enveloped in the warmth that surrounded her. Though such commodity was short lived, as soon it was time to set up the tent they would be sleeping in.

“Alright, we have about half an hour before it gets dark, so we should hurry up” Maria said as the cold wind waved her hair back and forth “Take off your gloves, I need your help tying the knots”

Jacqueline nodded her head and did as she was told, only to have her hands growing cold an alarming rate. In a matter of minutes her fingers were too numb to move properly, and she was having a hard time with the cords.

“Come on Jacquie, what’s taking you so long?” Her friend complained from the opposite side.

“I’m sorry, my hands are so cold my fingers won’t move right” The raven haired girl replied, trying to stop her hands from shaking.

“I guess that’s what happens when you’ve lived in a relatively warm zone your whole life, this is not even close to the freezing point of water” Maria sighed “Here, let me get it, could you get started on the stakes for me?”

“I’ve lived all my life in some nice twenty degrees, so yeah, anything below fifteen celsius makes my bones tremble” Jacqueline said as she used a stone to nail the stakes into the ground “But we grew up in the same town, how come you can stand this cold so well?”

“Once you’ve felt the harshness of the Argentinian Patagonia in winter in your own flesh, this seems like just a cold breeze” Maria replied.

“I still don’t get how you lived there for a couple years and don’t have a better level of Spanish”

“Oh, I did back then, but I’ve gotten rusty from lack of practice” Maria half laughed before going back to tying the remaining knots.

Despite all the little mishaps, both girls were able to rise their tent before daylight had completely vanished, only having some minor details left to be fixed.

“Make sure the outer layer is tight and does not touch the inner one in any point, if it rains at night, that’s what will save us from waking up drenched”

“Got it” Jacqueline answered as she fixed the last of the stakes.

“Alright, now we can go to the kitchen to have dinner and enjoy ourselves for the rest of the night” Maria offered a smile to her friend while making an inviting gesture to holy nice warmth of the oven “Jacquie?” Her friend had her gaze fixed on the horizon, with an expression of awe similar to the one she had earlier.

Without opening her mouth, Jacqueline used her finger to point at the setting sun, which was a frenzy of yellows and reds as the last rays of sunlight scattered in the clouds.

“It looks amazing…” Was all she could muster, barely aware of the hand laid across her back, pulling her close to its owner.

“Just wait until you see the sky at night” Maria said with sly joy of showing something new to someone dear to her, and let some minutes go by before pulling her friend out of her trance “Let’s go in, we can wait next to the fireplace until dinner’s ready” The raven haired girl fixed her gaze on the setting sun for a short moment, as if trying to burn the image on her mind, before happily following her friend to the welcoming heat of the fireplace.

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“Why do they call it the Valley of the Lost?” Jacqueline asked the owner of the camping site as they joyfully chatted after having dinner. The man, who looked to be nearing his fifties, knew very little English, so Maria had to act as a real time translator for both of them.

“He says it’s because people get easily lost in here, as everywhere you look all you see is hill after hill covered with espeletias. Some of the people who have got lost have never been found, that’s why it’s recommended to never come here without the company of a guide who knows the place very well”

“Whoa, this place can be scary…” The blackhead muttered.

The owner stood up and excused himself, not before reassuring both girls he would gladly help them with anything the needed.

“Muchas gracias, buenas noches” Maria replied in her flimsy Spanish, before taking a look out of the window, which showed a small patch of night sky sprinkled with several stars “Oh, right! It’s night already! Come on Jacquie, I’m sure you’ll love this!” Saying no more, she grabbed her friend by her hand and grabbed her outside, gesturing her to look up.

The sight that greeted Jacqueline’s eyes was one she would remember forever. Far from the dark, dull night sky she was used to, it was a black canvas painted with hundreds, no, thousands of small titillating luminous dots, never in her life had she seen so many stars decorating the celestial vault. With her mouth still agape with the wonder of a little girl, Jacqueline tilted her head so much to the back she briefly lost balance, only to be caught by her friend, who had been expecting something like that to happen.

“You had never seen a starry sky with your own eyes, had you?” Still leaning on her friend for support, Jacqueline shook her head, unable to tore her gaze away from the cosmic spectacle above her.

“What’s that? It’s moving too fast to be a star” She asked, pointing a particular dot which was visibly moving compared to the other ones.

“Oh, that must be a satellite, or so they say. Some people claim they can be seen from here”

“I see… did you know most of the light we’re seeing right know comes from stars that are likely to have died eons ago?”

“You’ve talked about it a couple times” Maria couldn’t help but to share the amazement her friend showed from gazing at the sky.

“This sight… makes the universe feel lonely and cold… and yet I find it mesmerizing, because you know…” She tore her gaze from the sky to look Maria in the eyes
“We’re all made of stardust”

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“Well, we have a long day tomorrow, so better make sure to rest well” The brunette said once they were back inside their tent, as she rummaged through her luggage looking for something.

“What are you looking for?” Jacqueline asked, turning around once her question when unanswered, only to find Maria holding the package of diapers in her hands.

“Alright, now I need you to tell me what are those for” The blackhead said, raising an eyebrow while pointing at the package.

“You probably noticed this cold makes you want to use the bathroom more often than usual, and nights here can be awfully cold, so… this is my solution to that particular problem during the night”

“Come again?” Jacqueline asked, not still sure of what her friend was trying to say.

“Unless you want to abandon the warmth of the tent in the middle of the night to make a trip to the bathroom, I highly suggest you wear one of these to bed” Maria replied nonchalantly.

“Um… I’d rather pass on that one…”

“Hey, I’m also thinking about your health here, you’ve been really susceptible to changes of temperature since you were little, my guess is you don’t want to deal with a pulmonary edema up here, where the nearest hospital is more than eight hours away” Jacqueline sighed, even if she was exaggerating, her friend had a valid point.

“Can I at least just put it on when I have to go then take it off and go back to sleep?” She attempted.

“Do you at least know how to put it on properly to avoid any leaks?” Blushing, the blackhead shook her head “I’d rather not get up in the middle of the night to go into diaper duty, you know”

Finally, Jacqueline gave in.

“Okay, fine, just make it quick” Blushing even harder, the blackhead lay down and started to rapidly take off her trousers, only being stopped by Maria when she was about to pull down her panties.

“Whoa, whoa, stop right there, you can put it on by yourself and then I’ll fix the fit and the tapes and none of us have to go through such an awkward episode” The brunette said as she tore open the package and handed one of the diapers to Jacqueline, whose face got another shade redder.

“R- Right, could you please turn around for a minute?”

“S- Sure, I’ll also get myself padded while you do so”

Thankfully, their tent was big enough for the two of them to perform the task without seeing each other’s nether regions, even if a bit of comfort had to be sacrificed in order to keep it like that.

“Come on, let me have a look” Maria said once she was all taped up, unsurprised to find her friend had done a poor work at diapering herself “Alright, just lie down and let me fix this in no time”

“How come you know so well to put a diaper on an adult girl?” Jacqueline asked as she lay down and let Maria do all the work for her.

“W- Well… I’ve babysat toddlers a few times, and there’s not much difference, to be honest” Maria stuttered, hoping the faint light coming from her phone would be enough to hide her blush.

“Heh, I thought you’d know your way through the process from looking after your little brother” Jacqueline commented while she distracted herself with her hair.


“Oh… yeah, that too, it kinda slipped my mind, silly me” Maria tried to play it off like she paid it no mind, thankful that her friend was a bit distracted and didn’t think any further of it.

“How do you feel it?”

Sitting up, Jacqueline lay a hand on the padding between her legs, curiously pushing it with her finger and earning a crinkle in response “It’s really soft, like I’m sitting on a pillow. I’d be a liar if a said they’re not comfy”

“See? It’s not that bad, and it’s also pretty warm, too, so it’ll help to sleep cozily” With that, Maria put on her trousers, which fit easily around her diaper, and motioned Jacqueline to follow suit, which she did.

“Don’t take off your socks, it’s really hard to warm up your feet once they get cold” Maria warned while opening the zipper of her sleeping bag, which was wide enough to fit the two of them. Then she slid in and used one hand to keep the upper layer lifted while she patted the spot next to her with the other “Come here, we’ll be warmer if we sleep close to each other”

Jacqueline complied without giving the matter much thought, surprised when she felt her friend enveloping her with her arms.

“Hehe, I guess with this cold, cuddling is done more out of necessity” She giggled as she returned the embrace.

“Well, that and the fact that you happen to be quite fluffy, it’s not my fault it’s so comfortable to sleep while kind of using you as a pillow” Jacqueline simply rolled her eyes and positioned herself so both of them were comfortable before slowly falling in the arms of Morpheus.

“Night, Maria” She muttered as her consciousness was transported to dreamland.

“Night, Jacquie” The brunette answered as she buried her head in her friend’s chest.

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Jacqueline woke up to find herself surrounded by darkness, taking a few moments to recognize her surroundings. The first thing that came to her mind was the warm embrace of her friend, who was still sound asleep, then she remembered they were on a camping trip together, which explained why the bedding felt unusual, and a little uncomfortable. Then she noticed what had awoke her in the first place: She needed to water the flowers. This in turn reminded her of the bulky diaper taped around her waist, which was supposed to be her bathroom for the night. Being honest to herself, the padding was immensely comfy and the warmth it kept in her privates was not unwelcome in the harsh cold of the moor, but she was having second thoughts about using it for its intended purpose.

Her bladder twinged for relief, she’d definitely have to come up with some solution to her predicament if she was hoping to go back to sleep, but using her diaper for it was no easy fit, the sensation of having clothes on made her body refuse to let go no matter how hard she tried to relax and just go.

Growing exasperated, Jacqueline thought of simply going outside and using the public bathroom in the house, but the sound of heavy rain hitting the outer layer of the tent discouraged her. Getting all drenched and probably sick wasn’t worth a bathroom trip.
A sigh escaped her mouth, she was running out of solutions and there was no way she could go back to sleep without relieving herself.

“You’re having trouble going, aren’t you?” Came Maria’s voice from behind her.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” She said, evading her friend’s question.

“Nope, I just had to go, but that’s already taken care of” Jacqueline was thankful the darkness around them hid her blush as her friend mentioned the topic so nonchalantly “You didn’t answer my question”

“Um… yeah, no matter how hard I try to let go, my body just won’t let me”

“I see… get up on your knees” Said the brunette, positioning herself behind Jacqueline.

“Wh- What?”

“Just do it, I’ll help you” Maria said placing a hand on her friend’s lower tummy once she was standing on her knees, and applying slight pressure as she moved her fingers in circles.

“Ma- Maria? What are you doing?”

“I’m helping you out, now just relax and let yourself go, it’ll be okay” She whispered close to her friend’s ear.

Deciding to comply, Jacqueline closed her eyes and tried to focus on relaxing her bladder, the sound of rain hitting the tent certainly helped, and despite how cliché it was, she tried to imagine the flowing water of a river…

A gasp escaped her mouth as a full stream started coming out of her only to be absorbed by the thirsty padding, all the time accompanied by a muffled hissing sound that, despite barely audible, sounded unbelievably loud to her. Another thing to add to the list of the most embarrassing things she had ever done.

“There, much better, isn’t it?” Maria broke the silence once the hissing had subsided.

“Kind of… It feels rather warm” Jacqueline commented as she used one of her hands to lightly push the moist padding between her legs against her skin, blushing profusely as she found herself a bit turned on by the sensation, which was only obscured by the knowledge that the warm substance was actually her own waste.

“It sure does, hopefully it’ll help you go back to sleep. See you in the morning” Her friend said before going back to the lulling heat of the sleeping bag.

Without further words, Jacqueline sat down, with her diaper emitting a muffled squish in return and wrapped herself with the upper layer before laying down and scooting closer to her friend in a successful attempt to regain the heat she had lost while relieving herself. To her joy, sleep wasted no time in dragging her back to dreamland.

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“Hey, wake up sleepyhead, we’ve got a long day ahead of us” Jacqueline heard the voice of her friend coming from somewhere in the distance, but didn’t pay it much mind.

“Come on, Jacquie, wake up” Maria tried again, gently shaking her friend’s shoulder, who groaned in return and turned her back on the brunette “I know you’re not a morning person, but you’re seriously giving me no choice” Maria sighed before mischievously reaching into the warm bundle and clawing her fingers in Jacqueline’s sides.

“Alright, I’m awake! Stop!” The blackhead exclaimed through her laughter, sitting up to collect her breath, wincing as she felt the cold and clammy padding shift between her legs.

“Sorry, you left me no choice” Maria excused herself as she handed her friend a pack of wet wipes “They don’t have warm water here, so I doubt you’re eager to take a shower, you can use those to clean yourself up, judging from the look on your face you seem eager to get out of that cold diaper”

“Thanks” Jacqueline said receiving the pack of wipes “How long before we leave?”

“We have an hour to have breakfast and pack all of our stuff, I’ll be waiting for you in the kitchen” With that, Maria closed the zipper behind her to give her friend some privacy.

Once cleaned up and clad in proper grown-up underwear, Jacqueline exited the tent to be surprised with a relatively warm weather compared to the previous day. It was still cold, but bearable.

“Took you long enough” Complained Maria.

“Sorry, I didn’t know what to with the… um…” For some reason she didn’t feel comfortable mentioning the word aloud outside their tent.

“Just roll it up and toss it our garbage bag, we’ll dump it all once we’re back in town”

“That’s what I did” Jacqueline said, still uncomfortable with the subject.

“You can go have breakfast while I dismantle the tent” Maria patted her friend’s shoulder before setting to work.

“Okay, I won’t take lo-” Jacqueline stopped mid sentence.

“Uh? What is it, Jacquie?” The brunette asked, standing up.

“Those girls, they’re only wearing thin dresses! Aren’t they cold?” She pointed a pair of little girls running around to their heart’s content, seemingly playing tag.

“They’re the granddaughters of the owner, they’ve lived all their life up here and are used to the cold” Maria explained “Unlike someone I know”

“Hey! Cut it, I’m not shivering right now, am I?” Jacqueline pouted.

“We’ll see about, now go fill your tummy, we’re running late” Maria said pushing her friend towards the kitchen.

“Yes, ma’am, as you say” The blackhead replied playfully before heading to the kitchen.

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In contrast to the previous day, the group arrived at their next camping spot, just below the mountain they intended to top, with several hours worth of sunlight left, the path having been shorter and easier than the one from the day before.

“Are you eager to see the snow for the first time in your life?” Maria asked once they had chosen a spot to set up their tent.

“Yes! There’s snow at the top of this mountain we’re going to, right?” Jacqueline asked pointing up the hill in front of them.

“Yup, I’m sure you’ll love it” The brunette replied as she got the bars ready.

“I think I’m falling in love with this place… it looks so pure, like you’re seeing a world that has never been touched by human hands… almost like a world of fairies or something similar, I really don’t know how to put it into words” The blackhead said while gazing at all the hills below them.

“I know, I’m feeling the same as you, this place is magical…”

The fact that she wasn’t going to be able to build the tent by herself brought Maria down from her trance, she sighed, emitting a cloud of whiteness from her mouth, and turned to look at her friend “It’s colder than yesterday, so you’ll probably won’t be able to tie any knots, con you help me with the bars and the inner part?”

“Sure” She answered, squatting down to get the bars through the holes “I’m quite hungry, how about we cook some food after we’ve got the tent ready?”

“Sounds good, I brought some bread and tuna, we could make a couple sandwiches” The brunette stood up and offered a smile to her friend “Then we can snuggle together to keep warm while watching the stars”

Some hours later, both girls sat on opposite sides of the little stove they had brought with them, waiting for their tea to be ready and enjoying the slight warmth the little flame gave off.

“You sure we have enough water to last until tomorrow?” Jacqueline asked.

“I think so, we can ask the other guys for some if we happen to run out” Maria took a peak at the little coffee pot “This thing’s taking its own time to warm up”

“Well, with the temperature so low and the flame so tiny, that’s to be expected” Jacqueline scooted a bit closer to the small blue flame and looked up at the sky “I thought I’d also get to see a sky full of stars tonight, but it’s full of clouds”

“Maybe we’ll get to see it again tomorrow” Maria commented. They were both silent for while until their tea was ready.
Maria lifted the little pot off the fire and poured both of them a cup of warm tea “This tea is meant to help with the dizziness you might get from the lack of oxygen”

“Thanks” Jacqueline said, receiving the small cup with her gloved hands.

“Drink it quick, it’ll go cold in no time” Her friend advised before taking a sip of her own cup.

Seeing the sky was cloudy and there wasn’t much to do, both girls decided to call it night and go to bed, given that they had to be up at two in the morning, to go up the mountain before the sun started melting the snow and the path became dangerous. Unlike the previous night, Jacqueline didn’t put much of a fight when it came to being diapered while she slept, and had no mayor problems using her diaper for its intended purpose when nature called in the middle of the night. She was surprised, though, when next morning, shortly after being woke up by her friend, she was offered a fresh diaper along with the pack of wet wipes.

“Um… Maria, are fully awake yet? I just woke up, I don’t need to put on another diaper…” She objected, confused.

“Didn’t you see how the terrain is like on the way up? It’s even, there are no big rocks or bushes to hide behind if you need to go, so unless you want to hold it until we’re back or go in front of everyone else, I’d suggest you wear one”

The blackhead huffed, as much as she wanted to think her friend’s reasoning wasn’t particularly solid, Maria had again made a valid point on the topic, not that she was looking forward to having her behind bitten by the cold as she pulled down her pants to relieve herself, and the extra padding around her waist would help to keep some warmth. Sighing in defeat, she took the undergarment from the other girl’s hands and waited for her to turn around and give her some privacy.

“I already taped myself up before waking you up, call me when you’ve put it on so I can readjust the fit for you, and we’ll be on our way” Maria said as she went outside and closed the zipper behind her.

Shortly after Maria had made sure her friend’s diaper fit her waist snugly and would not leak, both girls girls covered as well as they could in warm clothes and went outside to meet with the rest of the group. It was still dark, so everyone relied on their flashlights to guide themselves without tripping. Jacqueline found out, to her embarrassment, that the padding between her legs made her waddle slightly as she walked, but was more surprised to see Maria walking flawlessly despite being diapered too, almost as if she was already used to it, but shrugged it off without dwelling too long on the matter.

The way up was not exactly easy, the steep slope, combined with the low oxygen in the air made it harder than she had initially expected, and the fact that it started raining half way on didn’t help at all, thankfully the outer layer of clothes she had on were impermeable, but the cold still pierced her mercilessly. By dawn, she was already feeling dizzy, and was having small trouble breathing. She decided to stop for a moment to relieve herself when nature called, too tired to think anything of the sensation as she wet her diaper while standing up. Maria noticed immediately that her friend had come to a halt and rushed to her side with a worried expression.

“Hey, Jacquie, you okay?”

“Yeah, just catching my breath” She panted “I’m feeling a bit dizzy”

“It’s natural you feel like that in this height, but we’re almost there, come on!” The brunette exclaimed gently grabbing her friend by the arm and pulling her along.

Within a few dozens of steps, Jacqueline’s eyes caught a glimpse of something white shining less than a hundred meters away, and couldn’t stop a sigh form escaping her mouth.

“Maria! Look over there!” She exclaimed, grabbing her friend’s arm like a little child, earning a chuckle from the other girl “Is that…”

“Yup, that’s the snow of the top, but don’t run, you’ll get sick” the brunette said, rolling her eyes at her friend’s childish enthusiasm.

Despite Maria’s warnings, Jacqueline couldn’t help to walk just a bit faster, she knew they were still a long way from the top, but the sight of snow suddenly dissipated all the tiredness she’d been feeling, and she giggled like a little child as she gave her first steps into the white, shiny stuff, surprised when she felt her foot sink a feet deep into it. She turned to look at her friend with a wide grin, who returned the expression while shaking her head playfully.

“You’re such a child when you’re curious, do you know that?” Maria spoke while walked closer “Come on, put on your sunglasses if you don’t want your eyes to hurt later”

The blackhead complied, not having her enthusiasm diminished in the slightest “It’s so shiny! And it also feels pretty warm here”

“Well, it’s reflecting barely scattered sunlight in all directions, so it paradoxically feels hotter-” Her friend was interrupted by the voice of the leader of the group speaking to them.

“It’s too foggy to keep going up, we could get lost, so we’re going to stay here for half an hour and then go down, enjoy yourselves” He added a smile at the last statement.

“Hey, Mari-!” Jacqueline called, but was interrupted by a quite soft object hitting her shoulder, she turned around in the direction it had come from to find the culprit smiling slyly at her while getting ready another snow ball.

“Oh, come here you!” Jacqueline set off for her friend, briefly forgetting her foot was almost half a meter buried in the snow, which lead her to lose her balance and land on her padded behind. Both friends looked at each other in the eyes before they started laughing heartily.

She didn’t know if it was the childishness of the situation, or if her current underwear had anything to do with it, but right then and there, Jacqueline felt like a little girl playing in the snow for the first time in her life, and she loved it.

“You alright?” Maria asked as she offered a hand to help her friend get up.

“Yup, I had a soft landing” The blackhead answered, giving her behind a couple swats with her hand, which made her friend giggle.

“Wanna try to build a snowman?” The brunette asked, already knowing the reaction her friend would have.

“Sure! I want to put my glasses on him when we’re finished, come on!” Jacqueline exclaimed, grabbing her friend by the hand and pulling her along. Maria could only smile and shake her head at her friend’s childish liveliness, glad to have convinced her to make this trip together, seeing how much she was enjoying herself.

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The rest of their trip was pretty much uneventful, except maybe for another night in sleeping in diapers, to which Jacqueline was more or less growing used to. The way down was a pain, as the path was muddy and slippery, but no one suffered any injuries from it. The raven haired girl was a bit surprised that, as they went down the mountains, she started feeling hotter and hotter, like her body had grown accustomed to the cold of the South American moorlands.

Sunset was giving place to nightfall by the time both girls entered their room at the hostel they had reserved in the town next to the Cocora Valley. The place was not as luxurious as a five star hotel, but it gave off a homely feel and went easy on their pockets.

“Ah! That was amazing!” Jacqueline exclaimed letting herself fall in the double sized bed once they had walked in.

“I’m glad you liked it, that was quite an experience” Maria said as she unpacked some clothes and toiletries from her luggage.

“Leaves an impulse inside you to go back someday, doesn’t it?”

“We could go back tomorrow, if you want” The brunette teased.

“Give me a break” Jacqueline laughed “But we’ll definitely come again somewhere in the future” She added fixing her gaze to the ceiling.

“Well, for the time being I’m going to take a shower. I don’t know you, but I’m feeling quite icky after not having bathed at all in four days”

“Hey!” Jacqueline sat up “You got ready while I wasn’t looking, that’s not fair”

“You can shower after me, and you certainly need it I might add, I can smell your sweat from here” Maria teased, playfully waving her hand in front of her nose.

“You’re smelling like a goat, too, you know” Jacqueline accused with a small blush on her cheeks, to which her friend only replied with a small chuckle as she closed the bathroom door behind her.

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Later in the night, after they had shut the lights and decided to go to sleep, Jacqueline lay awake on her side of the bed, looking at the ceiling with exasperation. She felt tired, she wanted to sleep, but for some reason she wasn’t able to simply drift away to dreamland. Something felt off, but she couldn’t put her finger on it, it was like some sensation that should be there was now absent. Sighing, she shifted her position, moving her legs in the process and making her thighs caress each other.


The sleepless girl blushed once she recognized what felt off between her legs.

“Jacquie?” Her friend whispered groggily from the other side of the bed. Damn it, why did Maria have to be such a light sleeper? “Are you having trouble falling asleep?”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry”

“For as long as I’ve known you’ve never had trouble falling asleep unless something’s bothering you, come on, tell me” The brunette asked, using her arm to support her head.

Jacqueline sighed, there was no use in denying it, and she was tired, what harm could it make anyway?

“Do you, um… happen to have more of those… ?”

“Diapers?” Her friend asked bluntly.


“Sure, I’ll go fetch you one” As Maria got up from the bed and bent down to rummage her through her luggage, Jacqueline couldn’t help but notice the faint crinkle sounds coming from her friend’s waist, and the white telltale waistline that peaked from the back of her shorts…

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“We have to do something like this again while we’re still on vacation!” Jacqueline exclaimed cheerfully as both of them awaited their plane in the local airport. The morning sun shone through the windows of the cafeteria they were sitting at.

“Wow, you kind of found your adventure spirit on this trip, didn’t you?” The blackhead nodded as she munched down some crackers “Well, we’ve got plenty of time, and I have some ideas in mind. My father still lives in Argentina, I’m sure he’ll will be happy to have us stay a few days with him, what do you say?”

“Hmmph!” Jacqueline swallowed, then she turned to look at Maria with a wide grin on her lips “What do you have planned for our next adventure?”

The End

This was pretty good. At first, I thought it was a scifi story, where Cocora Valley would be a location with some AB element at the destination. This got reinforced by my not knowing what an espeletia was. In the end, they did find one: Jacqui’s first time playing in the snow.

A few things:

  • Be careful to include establishing sentences. Often I wasn't sure whether a scene was taking place in a cabin, in a tent, on a trail, in a flashback, etc. Sentences like "In contrast to the previous day, the group arrived at their next camping spot, just below the mountain they intended to top". Without these, the reader gets confused about where we are.
  • Don't use "the raven haired girl", "The blackhead", and other roundabout descriptors as pronouns. (Unless you're writing a scene with a ton of narrative distance: [I]'And so, after many centuries, the raven haired girl fulfilled the prophecy...'[/I]) Jacqueline works fine.

Thank you for the feedback, I’ll keep your suggestions in mind :slight_smile:

Enjoyed it. Two things: one, “blackhead” not an equivalent word to “brunette”, it’s instead a skin condition (infected hair follicle). “Black-haired” is what you want. Two, it felt like the narrative was missing something at the summit. Earlier there were descriptions about the beautiful sunset, the stars at night, the cold–but then they get to the snow, chuck a few snowballs and go back down. I feel like it’s missing an awesome sunrise, the view from the snow-line, and/or some reflection on their accomplishment or the world.