Foreword:
I’m pretty sure it’s in poor taste to take an idea from someone and run with it, but then again, a lot of these stories have very similar themes. I really had hoped for the author of this story to either polish it up a bit, or add to it. Sadly, they only ever made one post. Anyway, I’ll give credit for the inspiration to karlapoopypants because I cannot, in good conscience, sit idly by and watch a brilliant concept get buried under the sands of time. Oops, my SarcasmLock was stuck on somewhere in that sentence. Anyway, I’ve been questioning whether it would be alright to do something like this, or if would look like a big “fuck you” to the original author. Let me know either way.
I suck at this, and I’m sure it’s a terrible idea to post this without having already completed the story. (I very rarely finish anything, and don’t like only posting part of something, so I almost never post anything.) I’m fairly confident that I can actually manage this undertaking. Please level as much spiteful criticism toward me as you possibly can. I’m pretty sure I’m not even aware of glaring flaws, so I guess I need help finding them. If this sounds like a plea for pity, it’s not. Oh, and the first part is probably the weakest, due entirely to the narration, and lack of actual dialogue or interaction. I’m sure there’s a better way around this, but I haven’t figured it out; nonetheless, the later parts won’t share this weakness. I’m trying to find a balance between narration, internal dialogue, and actual conversation. You’ll have to wait a bit to see if I can get it right.
Before I end up typing more about the story than the actual story: Here goes.
Part One: The Info Dump
I’m kinda surprised this never made the news. I mean, it did; but it was our news, which is useless to me. Then again, I guess we never have made the national news; I don’t expect that to change any time soon; which is entirely unlike my friend, Deborah; who is expecting a change in the very near future. That, of course, brings me back to the point of all this; which is to recount the tale of Norton Mills High School, and how all of its students willingly wore diapers for three full weeks.
I’ll start with me; I’m Parker Lambert, but most of my friends call me “PK” or just Park. I wasn’t involved with any of this until the end. I was just an innocent Sophmore, trying to keep my grades up and stay out of trouble.
My Freshman year was pretty crumby. I’m the oldest of our little group, so all my friends were still in Middle school. But this year, three of my friends have joined me, so we’re happy to be around each other again. Of course, something had to go wrong and screw up an otherwise normal semester.
Near the end of my Freshman year, the school became the target of a series of vandalisms. Mostly it was just graffiti on lockers and bathroom stalls, but it escalated to smashing or painting over the emergency exit signs. This happened during the last two months of school, and summer vacation began before anyone was caught. The administration addressed this with warnings and threats at the start of the new school year, but sure enough, the vandalism continued.
Our school had been repaired over the summer, but sadly they weren’t able to come up with the budget for the security system they really wanted. They had, however, managed to get a few more cameras in popular locations. By the end of the first day, there was an enormous, red, penis, spray-painted pointing toward the principal’s office door. In all honesty, we found it hilarious, despite the immaturity. Okay, who am I kidding? These are highschoolers; that was just plain hilarious. The cameras caught nothing incriminating.
Just like last year, no one could catch the vandals. Sure, there were suspects and a few investigations, but nothing came of it. The typical rebellious crowd was everyone’s first guess. But surprisingly, they were present elsewhere, each time the vandalisms occurred.
Let’s skip ahead to October; that’s when things began to escalate.
“Hey Deb, you gonna come see that movie on Saturday?”
“What else is playing at that time? I need something to tell my Dad, you know he doesn’t like me watching that kind of stuff.” She slid some books into her locker.
“What about ‘Historier vi Berättar?’ It’s that Swedish film, I think.”
“Sounds like a good excuse to-”
BOOM! We both jumped. Whatever it was, it sounded like an explosion, and it sounded close. Most other students had stopped as well, and were looking around.
“Fuck this shit, I’m outta here.” One guy said, and started jogging down the hall toward the front entrance. A couple other kids followed him
Three seconds later, the fire alarm began to sound. Cue a standard fire drill, right? Nope, not even close. Try ‘mass hysteria’ or something similar. I grabbed Debbie’s hand and we managed to keep together in the throng of students fleeing the building.
The fire department showed up while we waited in the courtyard. A sizable number of students just went home, not bothering to wait for a head count or any statements. Eventually, the principal made the announcement that everything was under control; the cause had been found, and there was no more danger. School was canceled for the rest of the day, but would resume tomorrow morning unless another announcement was made.
‘Attention! As you all are aware, school was closed early yesterday due to a fire alarm. Upon further investigation, evidence was found that points to the use of explosives in both the men’s and women’s restrooms in the west wing of the building. The result is damage to the toilets, sinks, and partitions, as well as the plumbing. The restrooms in question are closed until further notice; please use the ones next to the chemistry lab, at the north end of the building, or the ones at the east end. Any information that leads to the arrest of the vandals will be rewarded.’
Everyone was on high alert for the next couple of weeks, but nothing happened. Apparently the vandals decided to give us a breather. Rumor had it that the ‘explosives’ were just some high-powered fire crackers. I’m just gonna go ahead and hide my box of cherry bombs in case anyone comes looking. And the reason I said ‘couple of weeks’ wasn’t because we all calmed down after that.
I was actually the first one to discover the next vandalism, and was about to report it, when I heard a series of loud ‘pops.’ Again, the fire alarm blared, and we all collected in the courtyard. This time, no one left; apparently, some serious accusations were leveled at those that didn’t make the head-count. This time, it was a Friday; we didn’t get an announcement until the following Monday.
I called the principal myself, and reported my findings. Those were that someone had spray-painted “this ones next” across the stall doors in the men’s room in the east hallway. I didn’t see any other students around at the time.
On Monday, we were greeted by another bulletin, with a similar report and warning.
To avoid needless repetition I’ll hit fast-forward again. Aaaaaand stop! Here we are, December 21st, Monday.
‘To counteract the shortage of restrooms, more outhouses have been brought in, and are located at the east end of the building. As previously announced for the west wing, the emergency exit doors in that area will now allow free access in and out of the building. Once again, a large reward is being offered for any information that leads to the arrest of the vandals.’
“Are you fucking kidding me!? Are there any usable toilets in this whole fucking building!?” I turned from my locker to see Jeanette d’Amboise angrily hurling books into her own locker. I don’t actually ‘know’ Jeanette, but everyone kinda does. She’s one of the ‘rich girls,’ along with her sister, Madeline. You can’t really go to this school and not at least know who they are. Their family owns a lot of the businesses around here, so seeing ‘d’Amboise’ tacked on the end of a sign is pretty common. The point is that rich kids always get special treatment; if it’s gotten so bad that even having tons of money doesn’t fix it: it’s really bad.
“C’mon Sis, what’s the matter? Gonna piss yourself?” Her sister was across the hall, and stood with a smirk on her face.
“I’m gonna fucking sue this school if I do. Have you been to the outhouses? The seats are completely iced over.” She slammed her locker shut.
“Shit, why?” Madeline’s tone quickly changed to a serious one.
“I don’t fucking know…” Her voice faded out as I walked away, I’d heard enough of that.
Now is probably a good time to mention one important detail. Norton Mills county is in New Hampshire. If you still don’t see why that’s important, look at a map; we’re pretty far north. On top of that, we’re nestled between the mountains. I really shouldn’t have to tell you that it’s really stinking cold, and we get a lot of snow. You southerners can’t even deal with this kind of snow. No seriously; ‘snow day’ isn’t something we hear until houses start disappearing. You best believe that using an outhouse in these conditions is less than desirable, especially if you have to sit down. For that reason, girls had it much worse.
I saw Madeline again, shortly after lunch. She was coming from the west wing, and was in a hurry.
“You okay?” I said as she approached. She really looked bad, her face was pale, and she was holding her stomach.
At first, she didn’t notice I even said anything, and kept on walking; but then she stopped and turned around.
“You got any Tums or something? I’m sick as shit.” she looked in my general direction, but not at me.
“No, sorry. Maybe you should see the nurse.” I pointed down the hall.
She turned away as if I never spoke, and resumed her path.
“Fucking…” she was mumbling, I could hardly hear her. “…outhouses fucking frozen.”
“You sure you’re okay?” I called after her.
“I’m fucking fine.” She spoke toward the ground.
I closed my locker and made my way to the next class. History, as it so happened, was a class she shared with me. Normally, I wouldn’t be paying any attention in History, so there really wasn’t much reason to pay attention today. All through the class, I watched as Madeline rocked back and forth restlessly. About ten minutes in, I guess she couldn’t hold it any longer.
Getting up suddenly, she was still clutching her gut as she stumbled toward the door. She gasped suddenly, about three feet from the door. I could even hear a gurgling ‘wet-fart’ sound from where I sat in the middle of the room.
“Mrs. d’Amboise!” The instructor began.
Ignoring her, Madeline doubled over and rushed through the door. I heard her squeak as she disappeared into the hallway. I raised my hand.
“Uh, Mr. Orson, can I go see if she’s okay? I think she’s really sick.”
“Dude, she shit her pants.” I heard someone blurt out from behind me.
The instructor held up his hand to quell a surge of laughter. “Alright, Parker, you may go. Please return quickly if she’s okay.” He spoke in a monotone. “Everyone else, please direct your attention to the board; and yes, that means those of you who weren’t paying attention in the first place.”
I heard a groan, from the class as I made my way to the door.
Outside, I found Madeline, not even twenty feet from the door. Several other students watched, but didn’t approach. She was hunched over, with a palm against the wall. Her slim red dress pants were bulging, and darkened heavily in the back. I rushed over to her.
“C’mon, let’s get you to the nurse.” I put an arm over her shoulder.
She buckled, and I heard more gurgling. She was starting to cry.
“Fuck! Shit!” She cursed between sobs and sniveling. I heard a murmur from the other students.
Just then, the fire alarm sounded. Within seconds, the halls were full of students. By now, no one was really panicked, they were just expecting another early day. Unfortunately, that meant that they had plenty of time to see and smell Madeline, in all her misery.
“Maddie!” a male voice shouted from behind me. I turned to see a guy running toward us.
“What the fuck happened?” he exclaimed when he saw her condition.
“She had an accident, I think she’s sick.” I reported.
“Those fucking assholes!” she shouted in a flurry of tears and rage. “The fucking port-a-shitters are all fucking frozen. How the fuck am I supposed to use that?”
“It’s okay babe, let’s get you out of here.” The guy soothed. He looked at me for a second, then led her in the opposite direction of the swarming herd.
Some of the kids turned to stare as the couple left. I hesitated for a few seconds, then turned to make my way out of the building, and find my friends.
We were sent home for the rest of the day. Later that evening, we received call notifying us that school was canceled until after Christmas break, and would resume on Monday, January 4th. Something about inspections and clean up. Whatever, we got a nice long break because of it; I’m not gonna complain.
