The Pros and Cons of Dependency Personality Disorder

Recently I’ve had the misfortune of being diagnosed with “Dependency personality disorder” on top of everything else I deal with. I say misfortune because, speaking from a practical stand point, I don’t see this as a disorder or something that causes issues in my day to day life, not always anyway. I feel like this is a disorder that could be both detrimental and beneficial, depending on the person. Now as for me, if I’m being honest with myself, it is a detriment to my well being and overall quality of life as it stands now, but I don’t see it as impossible for it to become something truly blissful.

Becoming dependent on someone is a sign of ultimate vulnerability and trust, in my opinion. It’s a gift that deserves to be cherished by someone who enjoys being needed, and despite the hiccups and arguments I occasionally have with my fiancee, she more than provides this feeling. It’s a security feeling, it’s what’s safe to me. I ENJOY belonging to someone, I ENJOY being owned. It’s not something I find shameful or feel is ultimately self-destructive to my life.

Make no mistake, it can be destructive, but it isn’t necessarily so. In my emotional state, it can be a bit of a nightmare to deal with me. My head becomes chaotic and jumbled, the things I do don’t make any sense, are irrational and potentially harmful to myself, I argue, I fight, I get scared, I cry and I cut myself. This is the negative of having this ‘disorder,’ but I’m working towards having it become more of a positive thing.

I could never be a slave again; yes you read that right, “again.” But, I won’t deny that BDSM and ageplay are very much integral to my life, they aren’t just things I couldn’t do without, but they also happen to be things I enjoy living in 24/7. They aren’t just in the category of what I am, but they’re also who I am. I enjoy being someone’s personal pet or doll or little girl, it allows me to let go of any inhibitions and troubles of my life in order to have a brief moment of vulnerability with someone I trust with my very soul.

I’m proud to be owned by my fiancee, I’m proud that she is my caretaker and I am her little. I’m proud that in a sea of bad breakups, molestation, abuse, neglect, abandonment and contempt I could find someone as wonderful as her that I CAN be dependent on and I will never, ever see this dependency as a disorder that needs to be fixed. What I struggle with is balance, temperence, moderation. I don’t struggle with disorders and afflictions, I don’t need medication and I refuse to take it. What I need, what I’ve always needed in my life is someone I can love and give my very soul to.

My soul isn’t in mint condition anymore, it’s no longer a first edition. It’s been reworked and patched up, it has bent pages and a broken spine, but it’s still my soul, and it’s still as priceless as ever. Should I gift this to someone, should I entrust them with something so precious that not even a thousand faberge eggs could compare, it deserves to be honored and respected, I deserve that.

I could never be with someone who doesn’t accept these aspects of my life. I could never be with someone whom I have to hide certain parts of me just to please them. Sometimes I’m needy, sometimes I cling and depend. Sometimes I’m little, sometimes I’m a pet. Sometimes I’m a mythical water fairy that wants to fuck the biggest dragon I can find. This is my psyche, and for better or for worse, it’s who I am and I will never shy away from it, I will never deny it as a part of me.

Re: The Pros and Cons of Dependency Personality Disorder

This sound like Jesus. It was probably not what you wanted for your first reply to that post; however, I was led to respond in this way. Please don’t think I am forcing my religion on you. You have free will and may either accept or reject it.

As for being diagnosed with another disorder, don’t give it much thought. Most of the disorders listed in DSM-V are there so the pharmaceutical companies can sell another drug. If you don’t think you will benefit from another drug, don’t take one.

Re: The Pros and Cons of Dependency Personality Disorder

No thanks, I’ll stick with what I got.

Re: The Pros and Cons of Dependency Personality Disorder

Sorry if I miscommunicated. What I more meant to get across is that it’s not an inherently destructive thing, but because of the fact that I have very little balance in my life emotionally and financially, it is destructive for me as it stands.

Also, I’ve had 20 partners in my life I wanted to give myself to. Not three or four.

Re: The Pros and Cons of Dependency Personality Disorder

Fair enough. Though you’re probably right anyway.

I’ve had many partners but three or four of which I could see myself truly giving my soul to. Hell…two of them I actually did, and when it ended, it was the single most painful experience of my life. I’m really, really hoping Miranda isn’t another crack for an already broken heart. I want to heal, not wallow in misery.

Re: The Pros and Cons of Dependency Personality Disorder

This actually touches on some personal issues I’ve had myself.

I am definitively co-dependent as well. I am aware of this, but it doesn’t change the fact that deep trust and searching for acceptance and guidance in women is my default reaction.

This disorder is the reason I’ve avoided any truly serious relationships for a long time.

It’s not entirely a bad thing, and if you’ve met any couple that’s been married for a long time you can see that they have reached some stage of being utterly dependent on each, i.e. One partner has done the cooking for the last thirty years and so the other person would pretty much starve without them.

So co-dependence is not a “wrong” or “disfunctional” thing.

But an extreme amount of co-dependence can be unhealthy, simply because of the expectation it can put on your partner. It can put them on a pedestal of worshiping them as the end all be all. Most people like that, at first. But eventually, every wants to be human, and be told they can fuck up, drop the ball and know that it will be okay.

Admittedly, I have had a running conversation with my therapist about without a age play based relationship can even avoid being co-dependent. So far, we both thing the answer is no. And that makes the breakup all the more devastating and the risks all the higher. You don’t just lose a partner, you lose a parent or a child.

I have decided not to play the game until I figure out how to avoid that crash.

Re: The Pros and Cons of Dependency Personality Disorder

Actually, in this particular case you are incorrect.

The Type B and C “personality disorder” spheres (dependent, avoidant, obsessive-compulsive, antisocial, histrionic, narcissistic - which is soon to be removed, and borderline) are always referred to intensive psychotherapy, not medication. The only times a psychiatrist brings medication into the picture with a personality disorder is in the type A sphere (schizoid, paranoid, and schizotypal) unless the patient presents with SEVERE depression and/or anxiety that would directly interfere with the efficacy of therapy, or they also show signs of dissociation with reality (psychosis/decompensation)…