Re: The Girl Who Wondered If Only
Chapter 5
Days rolled past, three weeks rolled past. Both Amanda and Alicia raced on with their assignments and tests. Both didn’t bring up the attempt or mention anything about Amanda’s diapers, and they quickly lost count the number of days past since it happened. But eventually there came a day which both girls looked forward to, in fact the whole school looked forward to it to. It was the school’s Sports Carnival.
As Amanda stood in position at the starting line, waiting for the command, she cleared her thoughts, and set her mind on the final prize.
“Ker- karisan” (On your mark)
All the 100 meter girls got into their starting position. The Neutral Umpire walked up to check that all fingers were behind the starting line. Amanda was in the eighth lane - the closest to the spectators gallery. The constant hubbub cheers of encouragement for all the athletes slowly died down.
“Sedia” (Get set)
Amanda looked up, and allowed nothing but the finish line into her sight. Today was her day, and she was ready for it.
‘Bang’ sounded the gunshot.
And with all her might, Amanda pushed off. She sprinted all the way, with wide strides and hand movement. The audience was deafening as they cheered the runners on.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her closest rival, Jasmine, slowly creeping up on her. So, she made her final dash for the finishing line. And she made sure to smile for the school photographer as she crossed the finishing line. With that, the crowd went wild!
Coming to a stop, she paused for a moment to catch her breath. It was an exhilarating feeling, a burst of adrenaline that allowed her to achieve her very first win. But in the true spirit of sportsmanship, she turned around to face Jasmine, the runner up, and they both embraced each other. They congratulated each other, before being led away by the ushers amid the deafening roars from the crowd.
As she was led onto the winners podium, she felt a sense of achievement that was unrivaled by anything she had experienced before.
“In third position we have Divya Iyer from Orion House, in second we have Jasmine Tee from Pegasus House”, the emcee announced.
“And in first place we have Amanda Tan from Aquila house!”
There was a roar of applause from the crowd, coming mainly from the direction of her class. And as the principal decorated her with a gold medal, she felt happy, and thankful.
Once she had completed her cool-down stretching and had rested for a bit, Amanda took a quick shower and changed out of her PE shirt and FBTs to her council attire for the day- a white school polo tee and the school bermudas. For while she was allowed to take part in the athletics activities she still had to return to her role as a logistics manager.
But that was for after all the events of the day had ended. For now she hung out with Alicia and their classmates, watching, among other things, a soccer friendly between the soccer team and the teachers, the 30x200m house relay, amongst other things. Some student groups had set up food and game stalls to raise funds for the school building programme, selling the likes of root beer float, ice popsicles, some Selegie soya bean curd and even Subway cookies. And as the winner of the 100m girls race Amanda was well treated by her classmates, each getting her getting her something of each. In return, Amanda bought all of them an ice popsicle in return.
Eventually, the school day came to an end. There was a speech by the principal, followed by the college dance and cheer, and then the students were dismissed. It was an early day, with school ending at 12 noon, so most students went out for lunch. Sadly though, Amanda, Alicia and those in the logistics committee could not join their classmates. There were safety cones to be kept, posters to be torn down, rubbish to be thrown away, and the house flags to be kept.
When most of the work had been done, the group of five plus five helpers went to the nearby Heartland Mall for a bite at a Pizza Hut, which was packed with students. After which, most of the group headed their separate ways. But Amanda and and Alicia actually headed back to school, as Alicia had earlier gotten Amanda to promise to finish her homework with her. And what better place to study than in school?
Alicia sat in front of Amanda, spreading out her books. The benches outside of LT4 were unusually quiet and deserted, as most of the students had gone home. There were many dedicated study areas around the school, and the benches outside of the smaller LTs were one of these zones. This particular zone, as well as the one outside of the Good News Cafe, which was located directly above, was one of the most frequented. People were drawn to these two zones in particular because of a piano, located just beside the spot where the girls were studying. People liked to play the piano, and so did others like listening in.
“It’s a pity that I can’t play a piano… yet,” thought Alicia to herself.
Her stomach rumbled a little. Alicia took it as a cue. She looked up at Amanda, who was texting someone.
“Hey Am, I’m going to change my shirt”, Alicia announced.
“Mm, okay,” Amanda acknowledged, without looking up from her phone.
Seeing that Amanda was preoccupied, Alicia took out her blue Blue school Polo-tee from her bag. Next, ever so carefully, she took out a diaper from a side compartment. Gingerly, she wrapped her t-shirt around it, not making a single sound. And after making sure that no one was around, and that Amanda was not looking, Alicia walked away to the nearest toilet that was still open.
A two minute walk later, Alicia entered a toilet that was thankfully empty. She got into a cubicle, locked it. She hung her blue polo-tee on the hook, placed the diaper on top of the toilet seat, and heaved a sigh.
Without thinking much for actually peeing, she took off her Bermudas and panties. Gingerly, she opened up the diaper, a store-brand diaper, and took a good look at it. It had been some time since she tried to help Amanda with her toileting arrangements, but that incident had piqued her interest. And so, in that short period, she had gotten her very first pack pack of real adult diapers. She had been using some as per usual at home, but today she decided to wear one in school.
She observed the diaper carefully. It had two sets of tapes, and a very light turquoise wetness indicator running down it, in the shape of hearts. It had no frontal patch, and no leak guards, but importantly, it had a negligible crinkle. She fastened on the diaper, carefully applying the tapes, and she adjusted it while standing upright. And there she was, wearing her first diaper in a ‘public’ place.
‘Well, taped ones at least’, she thought to herself. She then quickly put on her Bermudas, pocketed her panties and changed into her blue polo-tee, and left the toilet.
Alicia thanked her lucky stars that she did not meet anyone that she knew on the walk back to their table. In fact she did not see anyone. Once back, she climbed back into her seat and sat down, causing the diaper to crinkle ever so slightly.
Amanda heard that crinkle and looked up.
“I’m back!”, declared Alicia.
“Haha, I realized,” Amanda replied.
“Hey, can I tell you something Am,” Alicia asked.
“Err, okay sure,” said Amanda, who could not help but think that she was going to find out if the crinkle really was.
“Erm you see, I’ve always wanted to do this,” started Alicia.
“Do what?”
Alicia leaned closer and whispered to her.
“Wear in public.”
Amanda paused for a moment, taken aback.
“W-what?”, stuttered Amanda. "Do you know what would happen if people saw or heard you, or found out?
“Don’t worry Am, there’s almost no one in school, and these berms muffle the sound quite well”, said Alicia.
“Besides, even you have worn them to school, why are you worried?”, she then asked.
“Well, I wear them only as I am about to leave school, and no one saw me. But not for an entire afternoon Al!”
“Don’t worry lah, there’s almost no one here,” Alicia pointed out. “It’s the best time possible to wear diapers in school.”
Amanda nodded, realizing that they were in no danger whatsoever of being caught. She even felt that she should wear one herself, but she decided to exercise some restraint.
“And this is why you wanted to study in school, right?”, Amanda asked.
“Yup,” smiled Alicia.
The girls continued with their studies, occasionally saying a few things to each other. At one point, Amanda stood up to go to the toilet. But Alicia smirked, as she was wearing a diaper, and could simply go, whenever she wanted to, and she did.
The girls sat at their bench doing their assignments. Piece after piece, the girls did their work. Each worked on a GP essay on Discrimination, a Chemistry Energetics assignment, and a Biology tutorial. It was past 5pm when Amanda noticed the time on her watch.
“Gosh, we have been at it for nearly three hours already,” she blurted out.
“Haha yeah, time flies, even when you are not having fun,” she said as she looked at her own watch.
The girls stood up and stretched. A quick look around ensured that they were still alone, and that Alicia was in no danger of being found out.
“Let’s take a short walk Al. We need a breather,” Amanda declared.
Alicia looked down at her crotch, then looked up at Amanda.
“Don’t worry, let’s walk here, behind the principals office,” she said, pointing to the leading corridor. “It’s always deserted, so no one would hear you,” she added after seeing her friend’s concerned face.
Alicia nodded in agreement. So the girls closed their books, stowed their papers, and set off. They walked quietly along the path. It was a green corridor, with a wall on one side that hid the teacher’s staff room, and a green wire fence on the other side, with tall bushes growing along its perimeter, which marked out the limits of the college compound.*
A sheltered walkway, it led, for some reason, to the teacher’s carpark. Being a cooling and secluded spot, this short 30meter stretch was a place where many a couple have done things which can’t be mentioned in this story.
“So this is the gate that Reuben uses to enter the school everyday,” mentioned Alicia as she pointed to a hole in the bush which partially-hid the gate.
“Must be,” said Amanda, who was distracted by the crinkling. “So how is your diaper holding?”
“It’s holding, holding a lot of pee. But it has room for more,” she said. The girls continued walking silently.
As she walked, listening to the silent crinkle of her diaper, Alicia was reminded again of why she wore a diaper to school that day. She had worn her pull-ups to school on a few occasions, even after confiding to Amanda, but she was feeling jittery nonetheless. The jolts her stomach gave weren’t helping either. And as the girls reached the end of the pathway and stood staring into the space, Alicia plucked up the courage to ask Amanda.
The teacher’s carpark was large, having just enough room for all the teachers who drove to school. Students were not allowed to drive into the school, and the handful of rich and lucky ones who did had to park their cars in the adjacent housing board carpark. Right now, there was not a single car parked in it, further accentuating the feeling of seclusion the girls were feeling.
“Sad life these teachers have. 7 to 7 job, and they still have to go home to set papers,” said Amanda.
“Indeed sad,” remarked Alicia. And as the girls turned around to walk back, Alicia asked her question.
“Amanda, what is it like to poop in diapers?”
Amanda turned to look at her, and smiled.
“Well, I guess it should be the same as pooping on the toilet, Alicia. Just let go. Nothing unusual really. Why the sudden question?” Said Amanda in a matter-of- fact tone.
“Just wondering. Cos I… I’ve never gone in my diaper, see,” said Alicia.
“Well, if you want to know, I can share. You know what it is like to pee in a diaper, but pooping is a little different.”
“Different?”, Alicia repeated. “Like how?”
“We’ll, for one you need to get into a position to poop, unlike peeing. You can pee anytime and anywhere.”
Alicia laughed at that.
Another thing is that you have to change out of your diaper almost immediately because of the smell, and hygiene. We don’t want to get UTIs.", she said.
“True that,” Alicia said.
“And also, it sticks to your bum, which is rather irritating. If you are outside of home you need a ton of wipes to be clean, which is why I do it at home where I can just take a shower afterward,” Amanda added.
Alicia was listening intently. She was curious to find out what it was like, after what Amanda had been telling her for the past month. While she never really considered messing her pull-ups before, her getting her first pack of the more spacious tape-on diapers, had changed that notion. And having read descriptions online, she was now keen to try it. And this was why she had brought a diaper to school today.
“You seem very keen to know more Alicia, is there any reason for this?” Amanda asked, interrupting Alicia’s thoughts.
“We’ll, not really. It suddenly dawned on me,” Alicia bluffed. The girls continued walking.
Wanting a little more time to think through it, and not wanting to invite any more awkward questions from her friend, Alicia changed the subject. With that the girls slowly walked back to their table. Alicia sat down first, but then Amanda asked her to follow her to the toilet.
“But Amanda, I’m wearing a diaper! I don’t need to go.”
“We’ll never mind, just follow me then,” said Amanda.
Alicia waited outside while Amanda went in. As Amanda washed her hands, she wondered why her friend was suddenly curious about pooping her diaper, for she had initially been very disgusted by the idea when she had shared her secret with her. She decided to ask her about it. Alicia meanwhile stood peeing outside the toilets. She felt again, the same feeling at her bottom, the same one she had felt when she changed into her diaper, but much stronger this time.
Alicia decided that she needed to poop now. But she suddenly did not feel comfortable at the idea of using her diaper in school, despite having planned this for days. But she would have needed to take off her diaper if she had pooped now, and she did not want to change back into her dirty kickers. So, as Amanda emerged, she decided to tank it and she followed her back to their table, albeit a little reluctantly.
Amanda had already taken her seat when she noticed that her friend was standing rooted to the ground, in front of her seat. Pale as a piece of paper, she seemed to be fighting an internal battle. Just as Amanda was about to ask her if she was okay, Alicia spoke.
“Amanda, I’m to going back to the toilet. I think I need to poop,” she burst forth.
“Oh ok, but didn’t we just come from there?” Amanda asked.
Shifting uncomfortably, Alicia nodded.
Feeling slightly let down that Alicia wasn’t going to go in her diaper after all, Amanda said,“Well okay never mind that, remember to take your underwear.”
Alicia nodded again. She reached into her backpack, and then zipped it. Then she motioned Amanda to follow her.
Concerned, Amanda followed her. ‘What has happened?’ She silently asked herself. ‘Did she accidentally leak a little poop?’
The girls walked along silently. But Alicia didn’t go to the toilets that were open. Instead, she walked to the other end of the school. In a minute, she was tugging at the door of the handicapped persons toilet. Amanda, surprised at the turn of events, eventually pointed out to her that it was locked.
“Have you changed your mind Al?”, she asked.
“Yeah, but how now? The toilet is closed.”
Amanda thought for a moment.
“I know another place. I’ve never tried it, because that’s where a lot of couples go to have sex. Maybe it’s free now,” she said.
Now Amanda led her to that place. It was a place which was used for access to the roofs of the lecture theaters, and not many students know its actual location despite it being embedded in college folklore. Climbing up the flight of stairs only served to strengthen Alicia’s urge to excrete.
When they finally reached the top, they were glad to see it was empty. Alicia wasted no time. She took off her berms and adjusted her now-saturated diaper.
“I am now going to take my very first dump in a diaper, right here,” declared Alicia, in a somewhat cliche tone. Amanda had intended to give her some privacy, but could not help but look as Alicia stood there. She had never seen a grown person go in their pants, even though she did so herself daily, and watched with interest. She thought Alicia looked cute, trying to undo her toilet training, first while standing, then while squatting.
It took a number of tries, but soon, Alicia felt the wave of relief wash over her as she pooped in her first diaper in over a decade. And she did not deny that she quite liked that feeling. She stood up and walked around a little, feeling the mass of the mess in between her legs, though very soon she started to feel uncomfortable. The smell too, was embarrassingly overpowering. So, this being her first time, Alicia decided not to overdo it. Amanda helped to keep a lookout while Alicia cleaned herself up using the wipes that Amanda had earlier given her. Once done so, she changed into her pair of panties, and donned on her berms.
As the girls started the long walk back to their bench, Amanda asked Alicia what was the sudden inspiration for her to get her first pack of proper adult diapers. For while Alicia had told Amanda that she had gotten her first adult diapers, she hadn’t told her the details.
Alicia explained that the evening after she had tried to help Amanda with her toileting arrangements, she had returned home to find that her mother telling her younger brother about a potty training story of her. She then started to retell it to Amanda.
She was six, and was almost fully toilet-trained except for her bedwetting, for which she wore Pampers diapers to sleep.
The Lims had gone on a short family vacation to the Genting Highlands resort in nearby Malaysia for a short 4-day stay. The kids enjoyed themselves greatly, but one grouse that the young Alicia had was that the hotel toilet was… different. So for two days, she had not pooped.
On the third day, the kids and their mother spent their afternoon in their room. Their father was trying his luck at the casino, and their mother had stayed in to take care of the kids. Sitting on a couch by the window, enjoying the view, Mrs Lim was reading a book. Alicia subsequently awoke from her afternoon nap to a very strong urge to poop.
“Mummy,” she called out sleepily.
“Yes sweetie,” Mrs Lim answered, looking over her book. “You woke up early, what’s the matter?”
“Mummy can I ask you something?”
“Yes dear, what is it”, she asked.
“Can I poo poo in my pampers?”, she asked.
Despite knowing that her daughter hadn’t pooped for 3 days, Mrs Lim was surprised by the request. It had been three years since she had last pooped her diaper, and she certainly wasn’t going to permit this.
So Mrs Lim said a firm ‘no’, and Alicia had her Pampers ripped off, for her to try to use the toilet. She was even carried to the bathroom and seated onto the toilet. Mrs Lim tried to shush her wailing to not wake up her 4 year old brother.
But when it seemed clear that she was not going to poop, Mrs Lim was forced to give up. She replaced Alicia’s Pampers, and put her to bed. Young Alicia then curled up in the bed that she was sharing with her little brother, trying her best to ignore the sensation.
Alicia however, simply could not. So, silently, she crawled out of her bed and squatted beside it, out of sight of her mother. And there, she pooped. There was a lot of poop for a six-year old, but the diaper had managed to hold it all. Alicia, her tummy feeling better now, then climbed back into bed, intending to tell her mother that she had pooped in her sleep.
She fell asleep almost immediately, but the smell of her poopy diaper quickly caught the attention of her mother. Guessing what had happened, she woke her. Alicia woke up, and sat up, onto her diaper. That squeezed some of the poop out of her diaper and into her favorite pyjama pants. Mrs Lim, though infuriated, decided teach Alicia a lesson - she made her clean up after herself.
To a young Alicia, opening up her own diaper herself - something which she had never done herself up till that point - and using wipes to clean her bums, folding away her diaper, and scooping up and throwing away her soiled pants just seemed too much work to be done in return for pooping in a diaper. Peeing in them seemed a much easier a thing to get away with.
“Shortly after, my parents decided to get me to wear ‘big-girl pull-ups’, to prevent a repeat of that incident. So that was the last time I pooped in a diaper, some 12 years ago”, Alicia said as she concluded her story.
“So what do you think about pooping in diapers now, Al?”, asked Amanda, curious as to what her friend’s opinion might be.
“We’ll, personally, I still think it’s a lot of work to clean up - I mean, I used up the whole pack of wipes! Not to mention a little disgusting! So I think it will be quite some time before I poop in them again, Am”, she replied.
“Oh,” said Amanda, looking down at the floor.
“But I’ve to admit, it was an odd, yet an interesting situation, to be pooping in diapers. It’s because in a diaper, you can let go without worrying about dirty toilets,” Alicia continued, noticing the change in expression.
“And when you get used to the comforting feel of the diapers, you realize they help you relax. And you may never want to poop in the toilet again,” said Amanda.
Alicia glanced at her. “Erm… Maybe not, cos remember, my parents don’t know I use diapers. They certainly did not toilet train me, just for me to regress,” she said, perhaps a little too harshly than she meant it.
Amanda opened her mouth, but closed it again without saying anything, knowing that she was right.
At that point, the girls had reached their table and they took their seats. Amanda was still quiet, but the discussion had piqued Alicia’s interest further.
“It beats me, Amanda, why didn’t your parents push you for your toilet training? There must be a perfectly logical reason that a healthy, attractive, athletic girl like you is still using diapers only when she needs to poop, right?”, she asked.
Amanda looked stunned at being asked this question. Realizing her mistake, Alicia started to backtrack.
“As in, it’s not your…”, she began.
“There is a reason why I use diapers, Alicia”, said Amanda quietly.
