The Bet

Chapter 1

It all started off with a bet. I was at home and I woke up to a soaked bed. “Crap, I wet the bed.” I muttered. This was the 5th time this week and this had been going on for almost a month now! “Pee your bed again baby Mikey?” A mocking voice asked. It was my 17 year old brother, Jack. He’s 5 years older than me, standing at 6ft with short brown hair and grey eyes he was an imposing site, especially compared too my then meager height of 4’10. He and I were total opposites, while he was large with broad shoulders and a muscled physique, I was a short skinny kid with blonde hair with grey eyes. I also peed the bed. “Shut up Jack!” I replied blushing. “Why should I? I bet you won’t keep bed dry tonight either.” “I bet I can!” I said with defiance in my eyes. “Alright then, if you do pee the bed tonight you have to wear diapers, if you don’t I’ll do whatever you say for a week!” “Deal!” I said holding my hand out. He smirked and shook it.

I knew for a fact he would and could diaper me if I lost. Our parents worked also and were away on buisness trips most of the time. When they were home, they were either sleeping or in the bedroom. That meant, Jack was in charge of me most of the time. It also meant that he was the one that usually changed my diapers when I was a baby. He probably could still diaper me if he wanted. He was bigger than me and stronger than me, so he could basically do whatever he wanted.

I stripped my bed and threw my sheets in the wash. I took off my soaked pajamas and changed into some clean clothes. That day’s clothes consisted of a new pair of new briefs, shorts, and a shirt. Another reason for my brother to make fun of me, I still wore briefs instead of boxers. I couldn’t see the appeal in boxers they got all bunchy and income in general. I shook my head at the dumbness of boxers and went to the kitchen to scarf down a bowl of cereal. I put my bowl in the sink and put the milk away. I checked my watched and realized I’d miss the bus if I didn’t leave right now. I rushed out the door grabbing my backpack praying that I made it in time.

Chapter 2

I made it just in time. I sat down on a seat and shut my eyes. ‘I hope I don’t end up in diapers.’ I thought to myself nervously. I looked around the bus trying to ease my nerves. It was a large bus, that smelt like something died in it. It looked like it could to break down at any second. The air conditioner only worked about half the time, and when it did wok it made a sound similar to a hybrid between a chainsaw and a hacking cough. The bus driver only played showtunes on the radio and insisted on singing along. Somedays he sounded like a screeching bird on others more like a desperately dog. I was also pretty sure that at least half the bus was held together by gum.

My thoughts were interrupted by someone waving a hand in front of my face “Hello earth to Mike, earth to Mike!” “What’s up?” I asked shaking your head. “I asked if you did the Science homework.” The person replied. “Yep and no I’m not letting you copy it again!” I said with a smirk. It was my best friend, Pete Simon. He was a little taller than you standing at about 5 ft even. He had black hair and hazel eyes. “Oh come on, please!” He begged. “No, do it yourself.” “But, it’s impossible!” He complained. I rolled my eyes “Is not, I did it.” “But you’re a nerd!” He whined childishly. “I’m not a nerd, you’re just stupid.” I replied. He mock glared at me before he began to laugh. I tried to hold a straight face but soon succumbed to the urge to laugh.

After both of our laughter subsided, Pete grinned at me and asked “Why’d you zone out like that earlier?” “I needed a distraction.” I answered honestly. “From what?” “Can I tell you a secret? I’ve been wetting the bed.” You whispered blushing. “Oh man that sucks!” He whispered back. “Yeah and I made a bet with Jack, if I don’t wet my bed tonight he’ll be my slave for a week but if I do he’ll make me wear diapers!” I explained still whispering. “Well, maybe you could try not drinking for an hour before bedtime, that usually worked when I used to pee the bed!” He suggested a little louder than I’d like! “I tried that!” I replied desperately. “Wish I could help more, but hey if you end up in diapers at least you won’t have to worry about having to use the nasty bathrooms at school.” “Well, at least I have that going for me.” I replied forcing a laugh. The rest of the bus ride was uneventful and was spent in a slightly awkward silence.

Re: The Bet

Alright… A few things. You may want to edit it a bit. Normally, having different people speaking requires a new paragraph. This will make your writing easier to understand. I am not sure what you mean by “Hittite Whites” (briefs?). If it is a brand name or a style I can’t find it online, if it is something you made up you may want to describe it more. Also, the phrase “no I’m letting you copy it,” doesn’t make sense in the context. I think you meant “no I’m NOT letting you copy it.”

Try to describe things a bit more. You go through a lot really quickly and that can make it feel rushed. Described the characters, the motions, the feelings, etc. One trick is to try to picture what you are trying to say as if it were a movie in your head, see what everyone looks like and is doing, then get it down on paper. If you do this, describe everything more, it will be easier for the reader to become engaged and picture what you are writing, and it will be paced better.

Once you have done that, try reading it a few times. Read it out loud if it helps as well. Don’t just check for grammar and spelling, but see if the phrases run together.

Overall, it is a typical ABDL type story, which some people will enjoy and others won’t. I myself don’t go for ones with younger characters, but other people do, and as long as nothing described is inappropriate it should be fine. (Btw, if it is going to be sexual, you can’t have young characters)

You have a decent start here. Keep working on your writing and you can become good at this.

Re: The Bet

Based on context, I think they meant tightie whities, or, as you guessed, briefs :slight_smile:

Re: The Bet

I’m waffling here. I could spend a good ten paragraphs explaining to you, blow by blow, everything that is wrong with this writing, or I could just say, “I really don’t have anything positive to say about this, and for that I’m sorry.”

Re: The Bet

That’s what I thought, though I was hoping he meant they were dressed like ancient Hittites. An incontinent history buff kid prepared to invade Egypt- that is quite the character.

Re: The Bet

By all means, I’d be intrigued to read that story.

Re: The Bet

Well, it takes time to develop these skills. Not everyone is great at writing, and no one is good from the start. Be constructive and give him time :slight_smile: