I hope you find this chapter engaging.
I have tried to keep the graphic stuff in the bathroom to a minimum, but if it bothers anyone, I apologize in advance.
Billy was in that half awake, half dream state relishing the feel of Sharon’s hand patting his diaper while being snuggled up to his mommy. It made him feel so good, so warm inside. This was what he had wanted for a long time.
But it was only a dream. Billy knew it had to come to an end, it always did. This brought the memory of the hurt and the loneliness to mind and he quickly pushed it away, not wanting to spoil the dream. He wished he could find some way to tell his mom how he felt. The thought filled him with fear.
Sharon watched Billy for a moment as he squirmed in her embrace. She looked closely at his face that only moments ago showed serene happiness at being snuggled by his mommy. Now there was fear. “He’s having a nightmare.” she thought gently while shaking him and saying. “Hey Baby, are you having a bad dream?”
Billy looked up at her face and as he saw the love in her eyes, the fear melted. Her loving expression filled him up like a bucket. He couldn’t help but smile at her.
“There’s my happy baby.” Sharon told him snuggling him closer, if it was even possible.
Billy put his worries away and nuzzled against her chest.
As Sharon glanced at Rick reading on the other side of the bed, she heard the sound she’d been expecting, causing her no small amount of worry. Becky had just opened her bedroom door. She heard Becky’s footsteps move down the hall away from her for a second and then heard the bathroom door close. Thirty seconds later, she heard the toilet flush and the door open. Her daughter’s rapid footsteps came closer this time. The speed at which she was walking told Sharon that Becky was excited. “She should be excited,” Sharon mused. “it is Christmas morning after all.”
Becky, coming to the door dressed in her pale pink nightgown and slippers, broke out with a hearty “Merry…” and stopped suddenly. Her eyes became big as saucers. Her mom had told her that this was going to happen, but that didn’t prepare Becky for what lay before her. The person she saw laying with her mother and father wasn’t the brother she knew. The brother she knew didn’t look so small and, well, vulnerable.
Becky looked closer at her brother, noticing him nursing from his bottle. “That’s so sweet.” she thought. Her eyes shifted to the Pooh Bear blankie he was grasping in his little right hand, and then took in his cute pastel green sleeper, his little feet not quite filling the feet of the garment. Cuddled up like he was, he looked two or three. “Definitely two.” she thought when she noticed the obvious bulge of his diaper. With eyes still wide, she looked up from Billy to her mother, and couldn’t help giving her mom a big smile. “He’s so cute!” she exclaimed a bit too loudly for Sharon.
Billy was half asleep when he heard his sister make her entrance. He pushed the nipple of the bottle from his mouth and slowly raised his head looking her way. “You’re not supposed to be here.” he said dumbfounded. “She’s never in my baby dreams.” he thought.
“Yes I am, I live here!” she replied looking at her brother like he had suddenly grown another head.
Moving his wet bottom off of her hand, Billy sat up next to his mom, dropping his blanket in the process. He looked first at his mother and then at his father showing an anxious expression to both of them, then reached out and pinched his arm. Just before the pain from his fingers hit him, he heard a sharp intake of breath and his mother say “He thinks he’s dreaming.”
Sharon didn’t realize she’d said it out loud, but suddenly everything made sense. The nagging feeling she had about how this had been too easy immediately disappeared. She understood now why he had just gone along with how they had dressed and treated him. It was more than that, she realized. He didn’t just go along with it, he became a little toddler. That, more than anything else, told her what he’d been yearning for. With his misunderstanding, he had shown Sharon what he wanted without fear. After all, a dream can’t hurt you they had told him so many times over the years. But that wasn’t all of it, she understood. Because he was dreaming, he felt it was OK to indulge his wishes, and he had done so with enthusiasm. She was thankful for the clear understanding she had gotten of what he really wanted, but fear gripped her as she saw his reaction to learning the truth.
“Oh NO!” Billy exclaimed as he felt the pain in his arm. “They KNOW!” he thought. All contemplation stopped as all of the events of the previous twelve hours replayed in his mind in a few seconds. He recalled in vivid detail every little infantile thing he’d done. Shifting slightly, he was mortified. “She felt me wet my diaper!” he thought looking down at his bulging, sleeper covered crotch and then up at his mother, ashamed at the immature act. His eyes then moved quickly to each of the baby items on the bed, finally resting on the baby bottle, mostly empty from his nursing on it. The thought of his parents witnessing his eager participation in the infantile behavior was devastating. Worse yet, as his panic increased, he lost control of his bladder and made a guttural noise as he saturated his diaper in front of everyone. Suddenly, the anxiety became too much. Quick as a flare, nausea struck him and he knew with a certainty that he was going to throw up.
Jumping from the bed, too quickly for his parents to react, Billy bolted down the hall toward the bathroom. With his swollen diaper interfering with his stride, he desperately tried to make it to the toilet. Unfortunately, his sleeper covered feet slid on the smooth linoleum floor just as he turned into the bathroom door. This caused him to almost lose his balance, slide to the wall and empty the contents of the bottle he drank earlier on both the commode and the floor. After the first contraction of his stomach, he moved to center on the toilet to prevent from making more of a mess, tears falling to the water below.
Sharon had watched Billy closely. He had sat very still for a moment, looked down at his crotch and quickly up to her face, and immediately blushed bright crimson. Next she saw the color drain from his face as his wide eyes darted to the baby bottle still resting on the bed. Then came tears, a moan, and an expression of sheer terror. She wasn’t prepared when he jumped from the bed, and took off down the hall. Without hesitation, she ran after him.
Hearing Billy throwing up as she ran, caused her gut to clench with fear. “Oh my God! He’s so scared it’s making him physically ill!” she thought feeling a desperate need to make her son feel better. “Jesus please!” she prayed, “Please don’t tell me we screwed up!” she continued franticly. “Please let him be OK.” she finished, bursting into tears as she stopped at the bathroom door and saw her little boy, laying like a rag doll against the toilet, exhausted and yet still heaving. The thought that she had done this to him ripped her to shreds inside. She could only stand there and watch the results of her “diabolical plan”, as Rick had put it, wondering “What had she done?”
When he stopped heaving, Sharon instinctively moved toward him, reaching her hand out, in an attempt to make him feel better. Billy saw the movement and instantly backed away from her, scrambling backwards until he hit the tub.
That was the last straw. She couldn’t take anymore. Dropping to her knees, facing him, she poured out her heart to this terrified little boy. “Please Baby, don’t do that again.” she begged him, “I can’t handle it anymore!” she cried. “I’m sorry! I thought diapering you and cuddling you like a baby would help.” she continued. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I really didn’t.” she managed through her sobs. “I love you Baby….I love you so much!” she finished with a whisper, as she covered her face with both her hands and a fresh wave of sobbing overtook her.
The sight of his mommy hurting so badly caused Billy to push his own fears aside and listen. The begging in her voice when she asked him not to pull away again stabbed straight to his heart. He had hurt her again! The last thing he wanted to do was to cause her pain! In that instant, her words finally registered, “I love you Baby” she had said. His jaw dropped as it became clear to him. The loving way she had powdered and diapered his bottom the night before, the gentle snuggles and her caring words played out in his memories before him. Earlier, he had replayed everything that had happened throughout the night and morning, but only saw his actions, ignoring hers. Realizing his error, tearfully he called out to her, desperately hoping he had not damaged their relationship permanently.
Sharon heard him utter a soft, fearful “Mommy?”. She quickly uncovered her eyes and saw the scared little boy begging her with his eyes not to be upset with him. Sharon reached toward him tentatively with her arms wide. He desperately scrambled to his feet and flew to her, both of them bursting into heavy tears as she wrapped her arms tightly around him.
While holding him close and rocking him gently back and forth, Billy cried a long, hard, “Mommyyyyyyy….” followed by a long pause as he ran out of air, then a deep breath, beginning the process again. After each cry of his new name for her, Sharon would tearfully tell him “I know Baby, Mommy’s got you…Mommy’s right here.” with a thick voice, patting his bottom while silently thanking god that he was OK.
It took a full fifteen minutes of heavy crying before Billy started to calm down. It made Sharon wonder how long he had been wrestling with this. From the duration and the intensity of his release, it had been a long time. The image of Billy wearing a forlorn expression, watching Bobby as he snuggled with his mommy came back to her from the other day. The image brought fresh tears to her as she thought to herself sadly, “Why hadn’t I figured this out before? All the signs were there.” considering this for a moment, she decided “I can’t do much about what’s done, but I sure can make sure this little boy doesn’t want for snuggles from now on.” as she turned her head to gently kiss her baby’s forehead.