I really hope you folks like reading this as much as I did writing it.
Sharon very quietly opened her son’s door. She moved slowly toward his bed and placed the items she had been carrying down. She moved up toward the head of the bed and gently moved the comforter off of Billy’s head. She smiled as he started nursing on his thumb cuddling his Pooh Bear. She had thought Pooh had been lost or put away.
“Well, it’s now or never.” she told herself.
Picking up the pacifier from the pile, she slowly pulled at his hand to remove his thumb from his mouth. She smiled again as, once his thumb popped out of his mouth, Billy turned his head first one way and then the other still sound asleep. She quickly put the nipple of the binky to his lips and he immediately locked onto it and started nursing and settled down letting his hand relax.
She knew she would never have been able to do this if she hadn’t given him Benedryl at bedtime. Billy had had difficulties getting to sleep when the hormone therapy had just started. His pediatrician had told her to give him the medication to help him get to sleep. She almost never gave it to him anymore, but tonight was different. “It will help you get to sleep tonight. You know you’ll never get to sleep tonight if you don’t have help. Do you remember last Christmas Eve?” she had asked Billy. He had agreed to take the medicine after that discussion. She would never get him diapered and changed without waking him up if he hadn’t taken it.
The next part was the most difficult. Sharon pulled the covers back toward the foot of the bed. As quickly and gently as she could she removed Billy’s pajama bottoms and his underpants and discarded them on the floor. “So far so good.” she thought. He hadn’t even stirred. She picked up the diaper and opened it flat. The smell brought back memories of changing her little boy. That time was special. The messy or wet diapers weren’t, but the time spent with her child was.
Next, the baby powder was opened so she could use it easily. “Well, it’s time for you to get your Mommy back baby” she whispered as she grasped both his ankles in one hand and pulled his bottom up off the bed and slid the diaper under neath him. Quickly she puffed baby powder from the cannister onto the diaper. Setting the cannister aside, she wiped her hand through the powder, coating her palm, and then gently rubbed the powder over Billy’s bottom.
Sharon froze. Billy had opened his eyes and was looking at her. He looked disoriented as he nursed on his pacifier. She thought quickly and said “Hi baby.” in the sweetest way she knew how while gently setting his bottom on the diaper. This seemed to calm him and the little creases in his forehead disappeared. As she gently put pressure on his knees, he pulled his legs apart. She breathed a great sigh of relief when he cooperated rather than getting upset or asking her what she was doing. Sprinkling baby powder over the front of his diaper area and gently massaging it with her fingers to completely cover him caused him to visibly relax. When she pulled the diaper up between his legs, Billy closed his eyes and let out a blissful sigh.
“This was the right decision.” Sharon thought smiling. “He looks like he’s in heaven.” Finishing only took a second as she spread the front of the diaper smooth, applied the left tape first and then the right one snugly encasing his bottom in the soft padding.
“My God he looks so cute in his diaper.” she mused. “He could easily pass for a large three year old as cute as he is.” She slid her hand under his back and pushed his pajama shirt up under him toward the top of the bed. Lifting the front of his shirt, she reached up under and pulled first his left and then his right arms free of the sleeves. Sliding her hand up under his back and head, she lifted him and pulled the shirt gently over his head and discarded it. Billy chose that moment to fuss. Sharon’s heart leapt in her chest as she thought “This is it, he’s gonna wake up.”
“Shhh baby, I need to just finish getting you changed and then Mommy will put you back to sleep, I promise baby.” she said as she gently caressed his warm chest with her baby powder covered hand. That quieted him down, but he was watching her with sleepy eyes again. She reached over and retrieved the sleeper from the bed and spread it out right next to Billy. Sliding one hand under his diapered bottom and the other under his back she lifted him and laid him down in the center of the sleeper. Moving first his left and then his right foot into the sleeper feet, she grasped his hand and gently tugged at it to see if he would cooperate. Much to her surprise, Billy sat up. She quickly guided both of his hands into the sleeves and laid him back down. He yawned a very big yawn dropping his binky onto the bed in the process.
Sharon picked up his pacifier and said “Here my sleepy baby, here it is.” as she offered it to him. He quickly opened his mouth and wrapped it around the nipple of the binky, starting to nurse even before she let go.
Reaching down, Sharon pulled the zipper up his leg, over his diaper to his neck. She leaned over and kissed him gently on the forehead while she ran her fingers through his dark brown hair and told him “I love you baby.” Her heart leapt for joy as he smiled at her, bringing lightning quick tears to her eyes. “Get hold of yourself!” she admonished herself. “There will be time for that later.” she thought as she stood up.
That was the moment that Billy did what she thought would surely break her heart and cure the ache in her soul at the same time. He reached both hands up toward her and said “Uppy.” around his binky.
“Awww.” was all she could get out. In a heartbeat she was bent down to him and her arms were wrapped around him. She lifted him from his bed as he wrapped his arms around her neck and nuzzled close, his legs wrapped firmly around her waist. It took every bit of control she had to keep from breaking down and crying her eyes out.
Time stood still for Sharon. For a full two minutes, she couldn’t talk, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but rock her baby boy while she gently patted his diapered bottom. The first thought that came to mind was “This must be what heaven is like.” she thought, relishing in the feel and smell of her baby boy. “Not having something so important to me and finally he’s here in my arms asking me to hold him.” she continued. And then the bottom dropped out of her stomach. She couldn’t help it, she let a single sob escape. “Oh my God…This is what he’s been feeling.” she thought. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. The tears flowed without her permission.
Sharon quietly wept as she rocked her little boy. Billy shifted slightly and then she heard an anxious “Mommy? You Cwying?” his pacifier making him sound like a toddler as she felt his little hand on her wet cheek.
That was it. Any hope of stopping her tears was gone. Sharon pulled back and looked her little boy in those big brown eyes and said “Yes baby, Mommy’s crying because you make me so happy.” with a thick voice. Gently she kissed his forehead and then pulled him close again and told him “Come here baby.” rocking him slowly back and forth and then repeating over and over again “Mommy’s got you. Mommy’s got you.” as he nursed his binky.
Rick sat in the rocking chair he had moved back into his and Sharon’s bedroom. He was surprised to find he was nervous. “This is almost as bad as the day Billy was born.” Rick thought to himself. His concern that something would happen to his wife or his son caused him to all but wear a trench in the floor from his pacing the day Sharon gave birth to Billy.
He couldn’t help but feel proud as he sat rocking back and forth in the old maple rocker. Sharon had left both bedroom doors open so Rick could hear most of what was going on. Every instinct had told him to get up and go to her when he heard her get upset. He managed to actually stay seated. Sharon needed to do this he knew. This had to be really important for her to ask him to stand aside.
It had been fifteen minutes since things had quieted down. “Is everything OK in there?” Rick thought. He couldn’t stand it anymore, he had to know that everything was alright. The old rocker creaked as he got up to see what was happening. Quietly, he moved to stand in the doorway of his son’s bedroom.
What he saw took his breath away. It was if the clock had rolled back six years. His smile was involuntary as he looked upon the sight. Had Rick not been looking upon this beautiful lady he loved so much, cuddling their little boy so close, while patting his bottom gently, he would have felt like an intruder violating a private and precious moment.
Sharon was almost facing Rick. She was turned slightly so he couldn’t see Billy’s face. Seeing Billy dressed in a pastel green sleeper, snuggling close to Mommy as she slowly rocked him back and forth made his heart swell. His little hand balled up and resting against her chest, Billy let out a contented sigh. Glancing at Billy’s bottom, the bulk of the diaper was obvious and Rick could make out the telltale diaper lines that were common the world over wherever babies were. Rick had to admit, he didn’t pray often, but found himself thinking “Thank you God, for letting us make the right decision.” as he watched Billy.
Rick wanted to go to them, to wrap them both in his arms. In fact he took a step toward them when his wife gently shook her head no. It hurt him to stop, but he did.
Sharon quietly mouthed the word “bottle” to him.
“Juice?” he mouthed back.
“Water.” she replied soundlessly.
Without making a sound, Rick turned and left for the kitchen. Reaching for one of the Avent bottles they had bought, he thought to himself “Admit it, your jealous. You always were jealous of how close they were.” feeling sad at first but realizing that while his relationship with Billy was different than theirs, it was good. Memories floated by as he filled the bottle and screwed the clear silicone nipple in place. Putting his memories away, he headed back to the bedroom.
Just as he came to Billy’s door, Sharon nodded her head in the direction of their bedroom so Rick moved in the door and stood back leaving room for Sharon to get to the rocking chair. He was instantly nervous when she took her hand from Billy’s bottom and motioned for Rick to sit down.
As he sat down, the rocker made it’s typical creaking protest at bearing the weight of Rick’s six foot two inch frame. He set the bottle down on the nightstand that was placed next to the rocker.
Sharon noticed Rick’s hands shaking a bit and whispered “It’s OK.” as she smiled at him.
He blushed. “Quit acting like a new father for crying out loud.” he admonished himself. “You’ve done this before man, get hold of yourself.” he continued and forced himself to calm down.
After a moment Sharon looked him in the eye with a smile and asked “Ready?” in a whisper.
“Only one way to find out.” he thought, and nodded his head.
Sharon shifted Billy in her arms and told him softly “Here baby, Daddy’s gonna hold you for a little bit.” as she lowered the little boy onto his back into Rick’s arms.
Billy still had his eyes closed as he squirmed a bit until his head was comfortably nestled in the crook of Rick’s left elbow and that same hand held Billy’s bottom.
Rick slowly started rocking back and as the chair started it’s ancient protest once again, he instinctively moved his right hand to run his fingers gently through Billy’s hair.
Billy slowly opened his sleepy eyes and very softly murmurered “Daddy.”
If Rick was chained to ten dump trucks overflowing with gravel it wouldn’t have mattered, every one of them would have moved as he leaned forward to kiss his little boy gently on the forehead and whispered “Hi little fella.” with a big smile. All of the anxiety, all of the fear disappeared as his little boy uttered that one word. He would have crawled through ground glass for the smile that answered his whisper. “Such a big smile for such a little boy.” he thought. In one smooth motion Rick reached over and picked up the bottle, hooked his pinkie through the ring of the pacifier and tugged it from Billy’s still smiling mouth and placed the nipple of the bottle at his lips.
Billy took the nipple in his mouth and immediately started to nurse.
“Wow.” he whispered to his wife with a small smile while gazing into Billy’s innocent eyes. As Billy found a rhythm with his nursing and closed his eyes Rick looked at Sharon and said softly “If he ever turns those big brown eyes on me I’m screwed.”
“I know,” Sharon replied quietly with a big smile, “I remember.” she continued, placing her hand on his broad shoulder.
Billy continued to nurse as his father held his bottle for him. Rick knew he didn’t know everything, but he knew in that moment that this was right. When the bottle was halfway empty, he felt a warmth that every parent knows in the palm of the hand gently holding Billy’s diapered bottom. His head swiveled quickly to look first down at Billy’s diaper area, and then right back up to Sharon’s face.
Sharon was worried for a second when Rick snapped his head around with an extremely surprised expression. But when he nodded his head toward Billy’s bottom and mouthed the words “He wet!” with an incredulous expression, she couldn’t help but quietly laugh. She leaned close to his ear and whispered “That’s what babies do honey.” and pulled back with a smug expression on her face.
Rick felt his face turning red. “Of course that’s what babies do.” he thought as he glanced down, “but he’s…” and the thought stalled. “My God, my mind tells me he’s a nine year old, but I look at him and I see an innocent toddler.” he pondered finishing the thought with “This is gonna take some getting used to.”
Sharon quietly excused herself and went to the kitchen pantry where she had stored the diapers this evening. Grabbing three of them, the container of baby wipes, and the changing pad that her sister had loaned her she headed to Billy’s room to get the powder, and then back to her room. As she approached the door she heard her husband humming a lullaby as he rocked Billy. The sight of Billy laying in Rick’s arms as Rick gazed down on his little boy nursing his bottle made her feel warm from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. She hated to interrupt him, but they still had things to do and it was almost two in the morning. “We need to get him changed and in bed.” she whispered to Rick.
“Alright.” he whispered. Billy barely stirred as Rick pulled the bottle from his mouth and quickly replaced it with his pacifier. He was sound asleep. Rick hated to move him but wasn’t fond of the idea of waking up in a wet bed from a leaky diaper. Moving as quietly as he could, he cuddled Billy close and leaned forward before getting to his feet. “Boy, he’s out.” he whispered to his wife.
They had decided that it was best under the circumstances for Billy wake up in their bed come morning rather than his own. Billy stretched, but remained asleep as he was placed on his parents bed.
“Can you go fill his bottle?” Sharon asked.
“Sure honey.” Rick answered and took the bottle out of the room.
Sharon unzipped Billy’s sleeper and pulled his feet free of the garment. She saw the little Pooh Bear on his diaper and just had to smile. The diaper has swollen a good bit she noticed. “He always did wet a lot.” she thought as she undid the diaper tapes. She left the diaper in place and reached over and pulled two baby wipes from the container. She cupped them between her hands and blew warm breath into them as she considered she would need to pick up a wipe warmer. After a moment, with the wipes a bit warmer, she grasped both of Billy’s ankles and pushed them gently toward him which caused his legs to spread wide and allow her to pull the diaper down and gently wipe the front of his diaper area. With that done, she lifted both ankles which raised his little bottom off the wet diaper and allowed her to slide it out and a dry one under him in two quick motions. Three gentle swipes and a shake later his bottom was ready to be powdered. She coated her palm in powder from the fresh diaper and gently caressed it into the tender skin of his bottom. That done she lowered him to the diaper and spread his legs to finish up. Once she powdered the front, she pulled the diaper up and taped it snugly in place. As she finished putting his sleeper back on his feet and zipping him up, Billy stretched and rolled over on his side. Sharon took a moment to sit on the side of the bed and just pat his diapered bottom as she had when he was younger.
A minute later, Rick came back, handed her the bottle and asked “All set?” placing his hand gently on her back.
“Yeah.” Sharon replied quietly. She placed the bottle on the night stand and placed the new pooh bear they had bought between Billy’s chest and his arm and then the soft pooh bear baby blanket her mother had picked up for her in the palm of his hand. His hand reflexively closed on the blanket and a second later he brought the blanket to his face snuggling it close. “Sweet dreams baby.” she said as she gently kissed his forehead. “We’ll see what tomorrow brings.” with a concerned expression.
After kissing his son goodnight, Rick held her and offered “It’ll be alright honey, I know it.” with a reassuring squeeze.
“I truly hope so.” she replied.