Snuggles and Tears Chapter 30

Hi All,

I decided to split this in two, it seemed to flow better and the one would take from the other if they were joined.

I hope you like this,



Chapter 30

Billy opened his eyes, he knew he was laying down, but had no idea where he was. All he could see were metal bars and a light colored blur beyond them. Try as he might, he couldn’t bring his eyes to focus on anything beyond the bars.

He felt disoriented. For some reason, he couldn’t seem to concentrate. The last thing he remembered, he was playing with Bobby…no, that wasn’t right. He remembered Mommy changing his dipey. That’s when he remembered he was in a crib, this crib. Mommy had been changing him while he talked with a nice man. He couldn’t remember who the man was, or what they were talking about. He gave up on trying to figure it out, and realized he had his binky, and loved the wonderful sensation as he nursed on it.

Working at it, he managed to focus his eyes closer on the light colored blur next to him. He discovered it was his Pooh Bear. He closed his eyes and nuzzled his face against Pooh, loving the feel of the soft material against his face. He smelled baby powder, and it made him feel warm all over. He lay for a while, just content in the feelings and scents of being a baby boy.

His mind wandered, flitting from one thought to another like a butterfly. Suddenly, his tummy hurt. Just as quickly, the owwie went away and was replaced by a wonderful sensation deep inside him. He heard a muffled noise, and felt his bottom become warm. A moment later, the smell of baby powder was replaced with a much stronger odor. He didn’t know what it was but it wasn’t unpleasant. The feel of his binky got his attention again. Pooh was so soft. He loved Pooh Bear.

Billy’s face itched. He turned his head and attempted to scratch it. His arm moved, but it didn’t go anywhere near his face. Trying again, this time his hand went up over his head and then straight out. This scared him, and made it a bit easier to concentrate. “What is happening?” he thought. He wanted to cry. It was very difficult to keep control of his emotions, but he managed to. Attempting to sit up, his arms and legs moved in all directions. It was getting harder and harder to keep from crying. Try as he might, he couldn’t even turn over.

The itch was getting worse and Billy was getting more and more scared with every unsuccessful attempt to move where he wanted. Trying to scratch his face one more time, he managed to move his hand to his mouth and knocked his binky onto the bed. This made things ten times worse! He didn’t even have the comfort of his binky now. With a fierce surge of frustration, he lost his hold on his emotions and started crying loudly.

He wanted Mommy! Nothing else mattered, but knowing Mommy would come and make it better. No matter how he tried to control them, his hands moved wildly around, and his legs kicked out and came back up toward his tummy. This only made him cry more fiercely. Tears streamed from his little eyes as he feared that Mommy wouldn’t come. That thought terrified him!


April heard Billy fussing. When he started crying harder, she knew Sharon was still in the shower. Just as she reached the door to his room, he started wailing like a terrified infant. Quickly she had the cribside down and him in her arms. Seeing he’d lost his binky, she picked it up and put it in his open mouth.

Almost instantly, he started nursing as April rocked him back and forth, patting his back. “It’s alright Baby, you’re OK. I’m here now.” She repeated over and over. Slowly, Billy began to calm down.

He began to turn his head back and forth, pushing his face against her breast. “Sorry Baby, you’re gonna have to wait for Mommy for that.” she said with a chuckle. He did it again and evidently figured out he wasn’t going to be able to nurse, settled down to nursing his binky with his eyes closed, his arms pulled in against his chest.


Billy saw movement out beyond his ability to focus. A second later he saw a nurse he remembered seeing before. She picked him up, cradled him in her arms and spoke in a soothing tone. He couldn’t quite understand what she was saying, but she gave him his binky back and that made him feel a lot better.

His face still itching, he pushed it against her and turned his head, trying to scratch it. It felt better when he stopped, but again he rubbed against her. This time, the itch was gone. He felt her hand patting his back. Closing his eyes, he started to feel much better. “Why am I so sleepy?” he wondered. It felt good to be held, he felt safe. His binky felt good as he nursed. He noticed he was starting to feel a dull ache in his tummy.


Sharon had just shut the water of in the shower when she heard Billy wailing. Hurrying, she quickly dried her hair, ran the towel over her body, and stepped out of the shower. Hearing April’s voice, she was thankful. When Billy stopped crying, she felt much better. Still hurrying, she had her sweatpants on and the hospital gown tied in a snap.

Putting her slippers back on, she opened the door to the bathroom and saw April rocking Billy in her arms. “Is he alright?” she asked April.

“He’s fine, he’s messy and hungry, a bad combination.” she said with a chuckle, as she handed him over to his mommy.

“Here I am Baby, Mommy’s here.” Sharon said right next to his ear as she snuggled him close. Billy calmed down almost immediately. She stood rocking him for a bit before telling him “We need to get your dipey changed Baby, you’re a stinker butt.”. Laying him in the crib, she began to change his diaper.

Billy squirmed as she untaped the messy garment. Without warning, he started to make babbling baby sounds to which she responded “I know Baby, tell Mommy all about it.” with a warm smile. Sharon hadn’t heard him make a sound since yesterday and he sounded so sweet as he attempted to talk. “It will probably be a while before I’ll understand him.” she thought. Spitting his binky out, he made more baby talk, she smiled at him and then he started to cry.

“You’re OK Baby, I promise.” she told him as she wiped his bottom clean. “Mommy will get you nummies in just a second.” she said as she put his binky back in his mouth. He continued to fuss and nurse at the same time.

April meanwhile, had already setup the feeding bag.

Finishing the diaper change, Sharon picked Billy back up and move to the rocking chair. Sitting down, April lowered the strap for the bag over her head, as Sharon pulled her gown up out of the way, exposing her right breast. Having taped the tube to her skin, she turned Billy on his left side, removed his binky, pulled him close as she filled his open mouth with her nipple. He instantly started to feed.

As he found his rhythm, she started to gently rock the chair. She really loved nursing him. There were no words she could use to describe what passed between them as he suckled. It would be like trying to describe what it felt like to be in love, only ten times more intimate. She patted his soft diaper and within ten minutes, the bag was empty and Billy was sound asleep still attached to her breast.


Billy felt someone else take him in their arms. As soon as he got close, he knew this was Mommy. Mommy had a smell he wouldn’t forget. Then he heard her tell him “Here I am, Mommy’s here Baby.”. That made everything alright. Mommy had him, she would make it better. She would tell him why he couldn’t control his body, or see anything that wasn’t close.

He felt her cheek against his forehead, that felt so nice. She rocked him and he just wanted to stay there forever. Mommy told him he was a stinker butt and then laid him on his back. He nursed his binky as he looked at this person that was the center of his world. She smiled at him, and his whole world lit up. He loved Mommy so much!

Focusing his thoughts momentarily, he told Mommy “I don’t know what’s wrong. I can’t control my body.” watching to see what she would tell him was the problem. When she answered him and then smiled, he was sure she didn’t understand what he had said. “Maybe the binky messed up what I said.” he thought. Spitting the binky out, he tried again. When she acted like she didn’t hear him, he got scared. “She can’t understand me.” he thought. Then his own sounds registered in his mind. He was babbling like a baby. Both times what he said came out in gibberish. This made him cry. He finally understood what the problem was. His body was behaving like a little baby. He’d watched and heard them often enough, he couldn’t ignore it when a baby was around.

He’d asked God to make it so he could be her baby again, but he didn’t mean like this. How could he tell her what he wanted, or let her know how much he loved her, or how much her snuggling and treating him like a baby had meant to him.

Mommy told him he was OK. That helped calm his nerves some, but he was still anxious because he didn’t know why his body wasn’t acting normal. “Nummies?”. Was she going to feed him? His thoughts went to the ache in his tummy. He didn’t know if it would help the ache if she made him eat, he didn’t think so.

Mommy picked Billy up and sat him on his back in her lap. He watched the lady put something over Mommy’s head, and then fiddle with something below his line of vision. Mommy turned him on his side and he was stunned. He was looking straight at Mommy’s boobie. When she pulled him close, he tried to pull away and say “No, that’s gro…” but his thought stopped dead the second his mouth came in contact with her nipple and instinctively started to nurse.

Billy was in heaven. The sensation of nursing at Mommy’s boobie was indescribable. The feeling of being so close to her, the soft feel of her skin on his belly, the taste of the liquid he was nursing from her all filled his senses. With his infantile state, his mouth was incredibly sensitive and he was astounded at how wonderful it felt to have her warm nipple in his mouth. This wasn’t a ba-ba he was suckling, it was Mommy! That thought made him feel warm and cuddly throughout his entire body. As he nursed, his anxiety slowly disappeared, and with it his ability to concentrate on any one thing for any length of time.

Mommy tastes so good. I’m so sleepy. Mommy’s warm and soft. I like soft. These simple thoughts and many others made their way in and quickly out of Billy’s mind as he slowly filled his tummy at Mommy’s breast. The last focused thought he had just before he fell sound asleep was “I must have been hungry.”.


Snuggles and Tears Chapter 30

Great way as to expressing how Billy feels. Can’t wait for more

Snuggles and Tears Chapter 30

Well this is interesting.

Glad you got it out so quickly. :slight_smile:

Snuggles and Tears Chapter 30

Wow, a change in point of view, BB!! Great job & I think it was the right length for this chapter!! It was good just the way it is!!

Snuggles and Tears Chapter 30

Aother excellent chapter.

Snuggles and Tears Chapter 30

Outstanding. You captured Billy’s emotions perfectly.