Snuggles and Tears Chapter 109

Hi Folks,

I was originally going to try to keep this day as all one chapter. It just wasn’t practical as it would have to be thirty pages long to cover all that I want to get into this. Hence, I broke it up.

I hope you like this,



Chapter 109

He looked so cute laying there as he suckled at Mommy’s breast. Sharon just had to kiss his little forehead and then smile, she couldn’t help herself. Her smile got bigger as she contemplated what she had planned today. Billy was going to enjoy this, she was sure of it.

When she’d burped him for the second time, she laid him down on the bed, making sure he had his binky. With a smile, she scooted him right up to his sister, so his little diapered bottom was right against her tummy. Sharon thought “Awww…” as Becky shifted a bit and then placed her arm over Billy’s chest, hugging him close. They looked so cute laying there snuggled up close, both nursing a binky.

Getting up, Sharon put her pillows under the covers so Billy wouldn’t accidentally fall out of the bed, and headed to the bathroom. It was early, but she wanted to get started.

As she showered, she went down through her mental list, making sure she didn’t forget anything. She had gone over her plans with Rick, Peter and April last night, after talking with them about Cathy’s opinion on where both kids were at. They had agreed with Cathy, and were very supportive of what she had planned for today. So much so, that Rick and Peter had made the long walk to the bus to get Billy’s stroller and several other things. April got on the phone to ask Lisa if she could bring a few items with her when she came in the morning.

Toweling off, Sharon smiled to herself. She couldn’t wait to see Billy’s expression when she explained how things were going to go. Her excitement fueled her body, and she quickly was dressed, ready to get started.

Moving back into the bedroom, she smiled as Rick lay watching both children snuggled up together. “They’re absolutely adorable.” Rick told her softly.

“Yes they are.” Sharon said as she approached him and kissed him gently. She saw that Becky had once again gotten on top of the covers, her swollen, wet diaper pushed back against Daddy. Her knees were curled under Billy’s as she hugged him around his tummy, her hand holding Minnie’s arm. Her left arm ran under Billy’s head and wrapped around and down so her palm rested gently against the front of his wet diaper.

As they watched, Billy shifted slightly, and Becky pressed her hand against his diaper, pushing his bottom back toward her as she hugged him a bit tighter. Her chin rested gently on the top of his head, her mouth working her binky in a steady rhythm.

Billy settled as soon as he felt Becky snuggle him closer. He too nursed his binky, giving a gentle sigh as his sister hugged him close.

“I need to get his diaper bag ready.” Sharon explained as she smiled at Rick.

He smiled back at her, pulled her down for another kiss and asked “You look great when you’re in Mommy mode, do you know that?”

Sharon blushed as she kissed him. She was glad that even after twenty years, Rick could still make her feel this way. She had to admit that she truly loved being a mommy. The hugs and kisses, snuggles and cute scenes like the one on the bed made her heart swell with joy. “I love you Mr. Avery.” she told him sincerely.

“And I love you Mrs. Avery.” he said with a smile. "Now finish getting ready for your baby’s big day, or you might never get started.

With a concerned look, Sharon asked “So you think Becky will be alright with us being gone until after lunch?”

“Don’t worry Honey, she’ll be fine.” Rick told her reassuringly.

“Thank you, for all your help.” she said as she gave him another kiss.

“Hey, we’re in this together Sweetheart.” he told her with a smile.

“I’m a lucky woman.” she told him with love in her eyes.

“Yes you are.” he said and immediately put his hand up to catch hers as she went to slap him playfully.

“Hey.” she said softly, trying not to wake the kids.

“I’m just teasing Honey. I love you and couldn’t imagine a better person to have spent the last twenty years with. With any luck, we’ll see another sixty, and you’ll be just as beautiful then, I’m sure.” he told her sincerely.

Sharon hugged him for a moment, and with a quick kiss, pulled away. “Time to get ready.” she said.

“I’ll keep an eye on the munchkins.” he said with a smile as she headed for the door.

Sharon packed the diaper bag with essentials. Diapers, doublers, Billy’s formula, soft didees, all of these and more were stuffed into the bag along with several bottles of juice as well as a couple of small toys. When she was done, she set the bag near the door.

Next, she took a fresh diaper and doubler with her into the bathroom, set it up with powder and laid it on a fresh towel so it was ready. Putting Billy’s bath seat in the tub, she added a couple of bath toys and made her way back to the bedroom.

“Alright, time to get started.” she told Rick.

He gently pulled Becky’s arms out of the way as Sharon picked Billy up in her arms. Snuggling Becky close, she didn’t even wake up.

Billy woke up as Mommy carried him into the livingroom and sat down. He smiled as Mommy patted his bottom.

“Hi Sweety. Can you be big for me?” Sharon asked him.

Billy’s smile disappeared, but he wanted to be a good boy so he made the change.

When Sharon saw Billy open his eyes and she could see her nine year old looking at her, she kissed his cheek and said “That’s a good boy.” with a smile. She could see he didn’t want to be big right now. “I want you to do something for me Billy.” she told him seriously.

“What?” Billy asked around his binky.

“I want you to stay big today.” She explained, fully expecting the tears that formed instantly in his eyes.

Billy started crying immediately. He didn’t want to stay big all day. It would be terrible to have to do that. He liked being little a lot better. “No Mommy!” he cried, thoroughly upset now. After all the pokes and needles and the hospital, why would she make him do this?

“Listen little boy.” Sharon said comfortingly as she began to rock him. She waited for him to settle down before saying it again. When she had his attention she asked him “Don’t you want to be a good boy and do what Mommy asks?” knowing full well that he didn’t.

Billy was torn. He really did want to make Mommy happy, but he didn’t want to have to be big all day. Trying to sway her, he put on his most pitiful expression and in a little forlorn voice asked “Do I hafta?” with big tears flowing.

She was almost swayed. Tears stung her eyes as she watched her baby begging with those big, tear filled eyes to let him stay a little baby today. A good part of her wanted to do exactly that, cuddle him really close and tell him he could be little from now on, but she knew if she did, it would cause him a lot of problems later on. Screwing her courage down tight, she said “Yes, Sweety, you have to.”

Billy continued to cry for a little bit before settling back down to nursing his binky. After a few minutes, he said “OK, I’ww be big Mommy.” trying to be brave for her.

“That’s my good boy.” Sharon told him with a hug and kiss. When she pulled back, she asked “Do you think you can sit up for me?”

“I’ww twy.” he told her.

Sharon gently sat him on the floor between her legs. When she let go, he began shaking heavily, trying to hold himself up. “Lean forward Sweety, putting a hand on the floor, see if that helps.” she told him.

It did. Billy found he didn’t have to use as many of his tummy muscles that way. He didn’t know how long he’d be able to sit up, but he could do it.

“Very good Baby.” Sharon told him, and then regretted calling him that. She saw the longing expression come back to his face when he heard that. Picking him back up, she sat him on her leg and decided it was time to explain.

“Alright little boy, today is going to be different. I want you to promise me that you’ll do everything I tell you. Can you promise me that?” she asked warmly.

Billy really didn’t want to, but he nodded his head in agreement.

“Say it for me Sweety, I need to hear it.” she said, following Cathy’s advice.

“I pwomith I’ww do ebwyting you athk.” Billy complied.

“Very good, and I’m going to hold you to that promise little boy.” she told him earnestly.

“I’ww be good Mommy.” Billy said with resignation.

Not able to help herself, she kissed him on his cheek and said “I know you will Sweety, you really are a good boy.”, watching as he smiled. Pushing forward, she asked “Do you remember Miss Cathy?” knowing he would.

“Yeth.” Billy answered curiously.

“Well I spent a long time talking with Miss Cathy last night, all about you.” she told him.

That made Billy scared. He remembered some of the things Miss Cathy had told Mommy before, and they weren’t good ones. She had been the one that wanted him to get rid of his binky. That scared him so much, in fact, that he began crying hard and told Mommy “I don’ wanna gib up my binky!”

Sharon hadn’t expected that at all. Tears stung her eyes as she realized he remembered five years ago when they took his binky from him. “Listen little boy, nobody is going to take your binky.” she tried to tell him as he cried. He wasn’t listening though, he was too frightened to hear what she was saying. Not knowing what else to do, she laid him back and pulled his pacifier from his mouth, quickly filling it with her nipple. “Nurse Baby.” she told him.

Billy felt the nipple in his mouth and instinctively began to nurse. He alternated between crying and nursing as Mommy would move her nipple and it would stimulate his palate.

Sharon took Billy’s hand and wrapped it around his binky, leaving the pacifier there as she let go. “There’s your binky Sweety, nobody’s going to take it away. I promised you no one would, and I meant it.” she reassured him.

Billy stopped crying and nursed in earnest when he felt his binky in his hand. He held on tight to it, making sure it was still where he could get to it. He didn’t understand this at all.

“Do you know what Miss Cathy told me last night?” Sharon asked with glassy eyes. When she saw Billy shake his head, she said “She told me that she made a mistake Sweetheart, and that she wanted me to tell you that she was VERY sorry that she suggested that I take your binky away when I did.”

Tears continued to fall to Billy’s cheek as he nursed, He remembered what it was like as he cried his eyes out for his binky. He would cry himself to sleep, then wake up scared because he didn’t have his binky, and the cycle would start all over again. He didn’t ever want to do that again!

Reaching over, Sharon picked up a soft didee from the couch and began gently wiping the tears from Billy’s face. “It’s alright Sweety, no one’s going to take your binky, I promise.” she reassured him. When Billy finally settled down, she looked him in the eye and asked “If you could have one wish, no matter what it was, what would you wish for?”

With a whimper Billy answered “Thtay widdle.”

Sharon had to get a strong grip on her emotions then. Clearing her throat, she asked “Other than that, what would it be?” with a thick voice.

Billy thought about it for a second and then answered “Thnuggle wif Mommy.” feeling very small right then.

With tears in her eyes, she said “You’d wish to snuggle with Mommy.”

“Uh huh, foweber.” Billy answered as he shifted closer to her, wanting nothing more than to become little.

Sharon pulled him closer so he didn’t see the tears fall. She rocked him back and forth gently as she considered what was important to him. He wouldn’t wish to have his body back the way it was supposed to be, or to have some incredible toy, or to be a sports legend. He would wish to snuggle with her. Her heart swelled huge as she considered this.

Billy could feel that Mommy was crying. He started to cry then, thinking he had upset her. “Mommy?” he cried fearfully.

“Oh Baby, it’s OK. You just made Mommy very happy Sweetheart. Of all the things you could have wished for, you wished for me.” she said with a tearful smile.

Billy felt so relieved, he smiled himself. “I wub you.” he said around her nipple.

With a tearful kiss, she said “I know Baby, and I love you so very much.” wanting to make him understand that.

It took a few minutes of rocking for Sharon to get control of herself. When she did, she organized her thoughts and said “OK, I’ve got a couple of things to tell you Sweety, and I need you to pay attention.”

Billy turned to look Mommy in the eye so she knew he was listening even as he nursed.

“First of all, did you notice I didn’t make you drink a ba ba before I let you nurse?” she asked.

Billy hadn’t realized that and shook his head no.

“That’s because today is your day off.” she explained.

“It ith?” he asked.

“Yes, it is. No exercises, no ba ba’s before nursing, no rings to grab, no nothing like that.” she told him with a smile.

Billy giggled then. He was very happy to hear that!

“Every week, you’ll get one day off, I promise.” she told him with a tickle to his tummy.

Billy squealed when he felt Mommy tickle him. He continued to laugh around her nipple afterwards, very happy to be free of all that today. “Tank you!” he said.

“You’re welcome!” Sharon told him, “You’ve earned it!” she added with a kiss to his cheek. Pushing ahead, she said “Second of all Baby Boy, when I told you I wanted you to be big today, I didn’t mean I wanted you to be a big boy.” with a smile.

Billy quickly released Mommy’s nipple and looked at her with both eyes. He didn’t understand. He was still trying to figure out what she meant when she spoke again.

“Sweety, I don’t think you could be a big boy if you tried right now. You cry like a baby boy because you feel like a baby boy inside. You couldn’t go without your binky or nursing, could you?” she asked.

Still not quite following her, but certain of his answer, Billy shook his head no as he latched back onto her nipple and began nursing again, not taking his eye from hers.

“So from now on Baby, when I say I want you to be big, do I want you to be a big boy?” she asked as she tickled his tummy.

With a gleeful laugh, Billy squealed “Noooo.”

“That’s right, what do I want you to be?” she asked.

“Baby!” he told her with big, baby laugh.

“That’s exactly right.” she agreed. With a soft kiss to his little nose, and a warm smile, she told him “I don’t have any big boys.” as she patted his wet bottom.

That made Billy so happy that he cried joyful tears. One of the biggest things he had been afraid of was that Mommy would want him to be a big boy. He didn’t feel like a big boy. He could think like one, but he felt like a little baby boy. He couldn’t keep from crying when he was scared or upset and he needed his binky and to snuggle with Mommy.

Sharon began rocking him once again, occasionally giving him a gentle kiss. She let him cry it out for a little bit before asking him “Guess what today is Baby?”

Billy turned his tearful eye to her and said “I don’ know.” with a puzzled expression.

With a big smile, Sharon told him with excitement “It’s your birthday!”

Billy released her nipple again and said “No ith not.”, not understanding. He knew his birthday was in July.

“Yes it is Baby, it’s your special birthday. Do you know what you turn today?”

Billy shook his head no. He didn’t have a clue what she was talking about.

When she saw he still didn’t understand, she asked “You feel like Bobby inside don’t you?”

When Billy thought about that, realization hit, and he smiled a big smile. “Yeth.” he answered.

“And how old is Bobby?”

“Two!” he said with a giggle, understanding that Mommy was gonna let him be just like Bobby.

“That’s right!” Sharon agreed. “So how old are you today?”

Billy, wanting to act just like he was feeling, held two very shaky fingers up and said “Dith many!” with a huge giggle.

“There’s my happy baby!” Sharon said as she hugged him tight.

Billy was in heaven. His biggest fear had just evaporated, and he couldn’t help the tears that came.

Sharon kissed him and said “Just so we’re clear, what’s today?”

“My birfday!” Billy answered clearly.

“And how old are you?”

“Dith Many!” he said with a tearful giggle as he held up his fingers again.

“And does Mommy have any big boys?”

“No!” he told her firmly.

“That’s right!” she said as she began tickling him again and again. When Billy fussed, she stopped tickling and snuggled him close, allowing him to nurse again.

After he had settled down, she explained "Baby, I want you to understand that I love you, just like you are. You’re a very special little boy. When you’re big, you have the intelligence of a ten or twelve year old, but emotionally, you’re just a baby. I want you to enjoy being a baby, snuggling and nursing and having your binky. But I also want you to keep learning and trying to understand the world around you, so that when your emotions catch up with your intelligence, you’ll be ready to be what you want to be.

I wanted you to be big today so you would understand what’s happening and why, so you’d know that Mommy and Daddy love you very much and want you to be who you are, a cute little boy who loves his binky and his pooh bear." she said as she brought Pooh close so he could snuggle it. “There will come a time, a looooong time from now, when you may want to put your binky away, but until that time comes, Mommy and Daddy want you to just be who you are inside.”

Billy couldn’t help it, and he didn’t care anymore. He cried long hard cries as he reached up toward Mommy. He wanted Mommy to hug him close. When she picked him up and laid his head on her chest, rocking him back and forth as she patted his dipey, he cried and cried. All of the fear of having to be something he’s not was washed away with his tears. He truly felt like a baby boy inside, and had no desire right now to be anything else.

Sharon stood up and began rocking him in her arms. She stayed like that for five or six minutes, allowing Billy time to just express himself. She was glad he was letting it out, crying like a toddler.

When they’d talked about it last night, Cathy had impressed upon her that they essentially had two choices. One was to allow him to be little most of the day, which would hamper his ability to grow, or the other was to treat him like Bobby while he was big, letting him become little at bed time and nap time. He would get the cuddling he needed while still being able to learn and grow intellectually. Either way, he wasn’t emotionally ready to function as a nine year old, so to treat him that way would only frustrate him and them.

Talking with Rick, Peter and April had brought other things to mind. The fear for one. While they had made headway, he was far from able to function without either Sharon or Rick close at hand. She honestly doubted that she could get Billy to go to sleep in his crib right now because of it. The more they talked about it, the more it made sense to treat Billy like he was two from now on.

It would also be easier with Becky at the moment, because they both would receive the same treatment until she was able to work through her fear. Cathy had assured Sharon that Becky would get where she was supposed to be, it might take all summer, but she’d get there in time for school next year.

The last thing Rick had said about all of this before everyone went to bed last night, was “I guess this means that we should plan on diapers, bottle and toddlers sleeping in our bed for a while.”

Sharon had quickly tried to make him feel better by saying “It won’t be for a long time Honey…”

He had just as quickly interrupted her and said “No, don’t misunderstand Sweetheart, I’m not complaining, even though this is going to have a drastic impact on our time together, but I’ll deal with that if that’s what it takes to help the kids get better.”

April piped in “Besides, they already have an aunt and uncle that’ll be glad to babysit.” with a smile.

Sharon had felt much better after hearing that. Becky was already comfortable staying with April, and she didn’t imagine that Billy would have too much of a problem getting used to having Peter snuggle him while Rick and Sharon took some quiet time.

Her musing was interrupted when she felt his sleeper become warm and damp at the edge of his diaper, and she said “Uh oh!” and tickled him.

Billy pulled his head back and gave Mommy a giggle as he mimicked “Uh oh!” like they used to do.

Sharon couldn’t help but laugh, he sounded so precious. “Somebody is a soakin’ wet pee butt, and their sleeper is all pee pee wet. I think it’s time for my baby to get a bath.” she told him with a smile. She was so glad when instead of being embarrassed or looking away, Billy giggled and smiled at her. “There’s my happy baby.” she told him as she walked toward the bathroom.

Billy was happier than he’d ever been in his short life as Mommy washed his small body. She had put several bath toys in the water and he found that if he concentrated really hard, he could make his hands grasp them. This was a wonderful surprise that showed him he could still play with toys. Mommy didn’t even get upset when he occasionally got too excited and splashed the water all over.

As she ran the washcloth gently over Billy’s chest, Sharon asked “Are you having fun playing in the water little boy?” using a very sweet voice.

Billy giggled and said “Yeth.” as his little body trembled with his excitement at every demonstration that Mommy wanted him to be two. She was talking to him just like a baby and that made him feel like he could get up and fly like a birdie.

Sharon saw the sheer joy in Billy’s eyes. It was incredible how much of a difference telling him he didn’t have to be a big boy made. She wished she had done so sooner, but things had been constantly changing and too crazy to be able to figure any of this out.

Billy giggled as Mommy washed his pee pee. “Dat tickwes.” he said with a giggle.

“Well we have to get your pee pee all clean so you don’t get boo boos from your dipeys.” Sharon told him as she finished cleaning his scrotum. Inverting the washcloth, she began washing his little legs. She noticed they looked a lot skinnier than they had been. He wasn’t using them, so the muscles were wasting away. “We’ll have to work on that.” she thought as she took his left foot in her hand and began to wash it. A moment later, loud squeals could be heard from the bathroom as she washed his toes. “One little piggy.” she told him and laughed as he squealed in laughter, sounding just like a toddler. By the time she got to “Ten little piggies.” he was almost beside himself.

She took this time to help him calm down. Laying a towel over her front, she released the harness on his bath seat and pulled him against her. “That’s it Baby, snuggle with Mommy now while I wash your bottom.” she told him sweetly. “That’s a good baby boy.” she added as he began to nurse on his binky, laying his damp head on her chest. Sharon loved the fact that he really loved to snuggle. Considering where they’d been only a month ago, she was glad to change diapers and deal with a crying baby to be able to be this close to him again.

Billy snuggled against Mommy, enjoying his binky. She was washing his back and that felt wonderful. When she moved down and began washing his bottom, he giggled again, but she finished quickly and he nuzzled his face against the soft towel. “No more big boy.” he thought happily.

Sharon watched as Billy smiled around his binky with his eyes closed. She didn’t know what he was thinking, but whatever it was, it sure made him happy. “Alright Baby Boy, lets get you rinsed off.” she said as she laid him back in his seat, buckled him in place and started the water running. Flipping the lever to empty the tub, she began dumping cups of clear water over his little body.

When all the baby bath was off of his skin, Sharon picked him up, wrapped in a towel. She laid him down on the floor, vigorously drying him off, trying to warm him up, because he was trembling greatly from head to foot. “Try to relax your muscles Baby.” she told him, and soon he was resting, his arms and legs still.

Billy tried to stay relaxed as Mommy picked him up and laid him on his dipey. She smoothed the sweet smelling baby powder on his bottom as he closed his eyes and enjoyed his binky. He loved the feeling of Mommy’s warm hand on his bare butt. It was comforting to him, and showed him once again that he was a baby boy. This made him smile despite himself.

As she taped his diaper snugly in place, Sharon asked “What’s making you so happy Baby?”, seeing him smiling again.

Billy looked at Mommy and answered “No mowe big boy!” with a giggle.

Seeing his smile, and hearing the happiness in his voice, she didn’t think she could have given him a better gift than that. “That’s right Sweety, no more big boy.” she told him with a smile of her own. Then leaning down she placed her mouth on his tummy and blew a raspberry making him squeal. “That’s what I’m gonna do if you try to act like a big boy!” she told him and blew another one on his tummy, making him squeal again. “Are you gonna act like a big boy?” she asked as she assaulted his tummy a third time.

“NO MOMMY!!!” he squealed and erupted in a fit of big, baby laughs.

“Are you sure?” she asked as she blew another raspberry, holding his spastic hands out of the way.

“YEEETHHHH!” he screamed with huge giggles.

“What are you?” she asked with another noise to his tummy.

“A BABY!!” he squealed with more huge baby giggles.

Sharon saw he had had enough, so she picked him up and held him close as he continued to giggle. “That’s right Sweetheart, you’re my baby.” she told him with a kiss.

Billy snuggled as close as he could get. There was no other place he wanted to be than right there in Mommy’s arms. His emotions got the best of him and with a tearful voice, he said “I wub you Mommy.”, nuzzling his face against her breast.

“I know, and I love you so much Baby.” she said as she shifted her hands so one patted his diaper and the other held his little head against her chest. With a kiss to the top of his head, she told him “It’s gonna be just like this for a long time Little Boy, you and Mommy snuggling lots and lots every day.” she told him and the thought made her feel warm all over.

Snuggles and Tears Chapter 109

Of all the chapters so far… that was THE BEST yet.

Just… warm feelings

Words don’t adequetely describe it.

Snuggles and Tears Chapter 109

What he said.

Snuggles and Tears Chapter 109

Words do adequetely describe it, but I don’t have the time to put them all down as it would take days to do it.

Snuggles and Tears Chapter 109

love it

Snuggles and Tears Chapter 109

Very excellent BB. :smiley:

Billy got to hear what we all what to hear. That is, we all just want to be able to be ourselves. Its just that sometimes our outsides don’t match our insides like Billy. With all his problems he is one very lucky little boy.



Snuggles and Tears Chapter 109

It was one of your best chapter so far BB. Keep it up.

Snuggles and Tears Chapter 109

Thanks folks for your kind words.

I apologize for not responding to the posts on 108, but I’ve been trying to get more of this done, and spend a little bit more time trying to contribute honest critique to some of the other things posted here (something that I’ve been sorely lacking in).

I really did like this chapter, as it captures some of the events of a very important day in my life.

Lb, you’re right about that, Billy is a very lucky little boy.



Snuggles and Tears Chapter 109

Please keep it up BB.