School for Incontinent Kids - Story One

Hello, ThatTeenInaDiaper. This is my first story, so if it seems a little amateurish, that’s the reason. Hope you like it. It’s based on an idea I’ve had for a while.

Chapter One:

Sarah and her mother were heading to the movies one night, going to see a new spy flick called Jas Spy. Sarah and her mother lived together alone in an apartment in Los Angeles. Sarah’s mother was of course and only mom. She had a nice job at an okay office and the two live very peaceful, okay lives.
Sarah was a fourteen-years-old, beautiful brown haired female with freakles. She went to a nice middle school. For the most part, her mom and she were in pretty good health and liked spending time together, like tonight. Sarah’s life was so perfect, she wished it would never change.
They bought their tickets for the spy movie and entered the theater. They talked while they got their snacks.
“So how school today? Anything happen?” ask Sarah’s mom. She hadn’t gotten a chance to asker that since Sarah had spent most of the time since school ended doing her homework.
“Not much, but I’m been doing some great things with my friends. It’s a nice middle school you know.” Sarah had just started going to it. “I’ve gonna go to the bathroom and pee real quickly, okay?”
“Okay Sarah.”
Sarah went of to do so. When she returned her mother was carrying their snacks and they went to see the spy flick.

“That was a really good movie!” Sarah exclamed when she and her mom got out of the movie. “That scene when the scaffold crashed into the side of the building with Jas and Kaylee inside! That was amazing! That Jason guy is a really good writer. And it had some good romance too!”
“It was a little too intence for me. And the ending was really sad and dark.” Sarah’s mother said.
“That was what was so great about it!” Sarah returned.
“Again we disagree on a film.”
As they pasted the theater’s arcade, Sarah asked her mom, “Can you lend me a couple dollars? I’d like to play Time Crisis.”
Sarah’s mom handed her a few bucks and she went over to the arcade.
After some ice cream, Sarah and her mom headed to their car. It was dark and not many people were around at this hour. The two’s car was the only one parked for a few spaces.
Suddenly a masked man rushed toward them out of some nearby trees and held a gun up to them.
“Give me your purse! And if you daughter here has any money, have her hand it over too!”
Needless to say, Sarah and her mom were very shocked. With not much choice, Sarah’s mom handed over her purse.
The gun man, obviously in a hurry and getting very angry, grabbed Sarah by the jacket and yelled, “Hand over your money!”
“She doesn’t have any on her!” Sarahs mom screamed.
The mugger, now really angry, shook Sarah. “You must have some money on you! Stop holding out! Give it to me!”
Sarah’s mom, in a desperate panic, decided to try and knock the gun out of the mugger’s hand. The gun dropped to the ground but not before shooting Sarah in the abdomen. A little bit of bloodsplashed out of the wound that was made. Her mom was able to snatch her purse from under the man’s sholder.
With out a gun, the mugger decided to run back into the trees, moneyless. Sarah fell to the ground and her mom quickly called 911.

Sarah woke up in the hospital, her abdomen really hurting. A nurse was talking to her mom. They both noticed Sarah waking up and went to her side to comfort her.
“Sarah it’s alright. That gun man was captured, I got my purse back. The nurse here just said you’re not going to die and that you’re mostly okay.”
“What does mostly mean?” Sarah said, gritting her teeth at the pain.
“The doctors were able to get the bullet out of your abdomen. But, the bullet did do a little damage.”
It was then that Sarah noticed something wierd around her waist and between her legs. She lifted her sheet and her hospital gown to see that she was wearing a white tap-on diaper. She freaked.
“What am I doing in a diaper! I’m fourteen! Fourteen!” She yelled.
The nurse walked up and said, " The bullet that the gun man shot damaged you bowels and bladder dear. We managed to fix it as best we could, but weren’t able save your ablity to control you pee or your poop.
Sarah was out of her mind shocked. “I’ll have to wear diapers for life!?!”
“It’s that guy who held us up’s fault sweety, not yours. And alot of people wear diapers. It can happen to almost anyone!”
“But how will I get boyfriends?! How will I live in society?! How will I do anything normal?!”
“You can do all of that, and many other things normal in diapers Sarah!”
“Oh God!” Sarah put her hands on her face and started crying.

After a few days, Sarah was released from the hospital. Her mom had brought her a pair of jeans, a new bra of course, a t-shirt, a jacket, socks and some sneakers. The few times she peed and pooped her diaper in the hospital bed, she was really disgusted. She was wearing her own waste, and being changed was up there with her mom catching her in the shower when it came the amount of embarrassment. It was during those times, she thought of how the last time she would ever be able to go in a toilet was that night a the theater.
Sarah wasn’t exactly a tom boy, but not exactly a girly girl. She was in the middle. But wearing diapers was something she new would be out of place in her life. When her mom brought her the clothes, she was able to get on the jeans, which fit perfectly over her diaper.
“These are new jeans, right?” she asked.
“I got you new jeans and skirts to accommodate the diapers. I sold all your old jeans and skirts.” her mom replied.
After all her clothes were on she looked at herself in a nearby mirror. Surprisingly it didn’t look like she was wearing the diaper. The diaper being noticable was one of Sarah’s biggest concerns, so it not being noticable made her a little more comfortable about the situation. The diaper wasn’t that loud too when they walked out of the hopital.
It was a huge hospital, so it took a while for the two to get it’s exit. On the way there, Sarah felt a warm sensation.
“Already?” she argued to herself. Worse yet, she felt something solid filling her diaper too. Sarah couldn’t believe she was walking while going to the bathroom. She decided to stop so she could let her now uncontrolable bladder and bowels finish. Her mom looked at her and asked,“Are you going?”
Sarah nodded. When she was sure she was finish she continued walking with her mom. Walking in a full diaper was really strange, she had to admit, but was okay. About a few yards from the exit, she could tell that her diaper was going to leak. She felt a drip of pee go outside the thing and hoped it wouldn’t drip to much by the time she and her mom got to the car.
A soon as they exited the hospital, a very popular girl from her school, named Kate, walk past her.
“Oh, hi Sarah.” she said.
“Hi,” answered Sarah, “What are you doing her at the hospital?”
“Can you keep a secret?”
Sarah nodded.
“I have asthma. I’ve kept it a secret all these years for, you know dignity.”
“My illness is worse than your’s,” Sarah thought, “No, no it isn’t. Kate could die from her illness. All that could happen to me is wet and dirty pants.” She thought again.
She then remembered her leaking diaper. “Oh please don’t drip in front of Kate.” She thought.
“Why are you here?” Kate asked.
“Regular check up.” she lied.
“Okay.” Kate answered. As soon a she turned to go inside the hospital, a drip of pee dripped onto the concrete floor. “Kate just missed seeing that.” thought Sarah. Sarah and her mom continued to the car.
When they got there, Sarah realized she would have to sit down in her dirty diaper. “Going to have to sit down!” she exclamed.
“We could change you right here.” her mom suggested.
“No! I couldn’t do that. Everyone would see me! I’ll sit down.” Sarah said.
Her mom got in the driver’s seat and she got into the back seat of the mini-van. She slowly sat down onto her poop and pee. She eventually sat all the way down. It was very disgusting, but other than that, it was okay to Sarah. They drove home.

When they got home to their apartment, Sarah got out of the car and looked at her seat. There was a big wet spot there.
“It’s okay hon, I’ll clean that later. We’d better, get you a more absorbant diaper.” her mom said. They went inside their apartment. Sarah’s pants were, needless to say, all wet.
“Get on the couch.” her mom said. She did and she admited to herself that it wasn’t that bad now that it was her mom doing it.
Her mom put the same type of diaper. “Mom, I thought you said these weren’t good enough.” Sarah said.
“Well, unfortunately, these are the only diapers I have. And I only have three left at that!”
“Oh, great. I’ll have to poop and pee my pants forever” Sarah said sarcastically. She just realized that she was comfortable enough about the diaper situation to make sarcastic comments. “Wow!” She thought.
Sarah put her pants back on. Her mom went over to their computer which they shared. She went onto Google.
“Whatcha doing?” Sarah asked.
“I’m searching the internet for a school that excepts incontinent kids and teens.”
Sarah gasped. “School!” she thought. “Um, what about the school I’m going to now?” Sarah asked nervously.
“I took you out of it,” her mom replied, “I don’t want my daughter to go to a regular school in diapers. You’d be made fun of forever!”
“How thoughtful.” Sarah thought.
“Oh, my, God,” Sarah’s mom said. “You won’t believe this, but there is a legit school in San Diego that is called ‘The National School for Incontinent Kids and Teens’ or ‘NSIKT’. We could send you there! It goes from third grade to ninth grade!” Sarah and her mom got super excited. “It opened five years ago! That’s amazing. And according to there website, it’s pretty big!”
“But that’s in San Diego.” Sarah pointed out.
“We can move there,” her mom answered. “I’ll get a new job there, and you can be excepted as an incontinent teen.”

Fast forward half a month later, and Sarah and her mom were moved into an apartment in San Diego. Her mom had gotten a new office job that was okay. And the two were headed to the school to enroll Sarah. During the time, Sarah’s mom had been able to get her diapers absorbant enough, but they had recently run out. Sarah was wearing her last diaper.
When they got to the school. The principal, Mrs. Hale, greeted them. They went into her office and started talking.
“So, what’s your daughter’s incontinence like?” Hale asked.
“She’s both bowel and bladder incontinent.” Sarah’s mom said.
“Perfect, she’ll fit right in. Since this is a special school, you’ll need to pay twenty-five dollars a month for her schooling.”
“Money’s not really the problem.” Sarah’s mother said.
“Let me read you the rules of the school before you enroll.” said Mrs. Hale. She spent some time reading the school rules which were basicly like any school rules. Things got interesting when she started reading the rules when it came to the diapers.
“All students are required to wear the school’s special diaper. Girls get the pink diapers, boys, the blue. We’ll give you a month’s supply of our diapers every month if you want.”
“Sounds good,” Sarah’s mom said, “We’re completely out right now, Sarah’s wear our last one right now.”
“Secondly, your daughter with go to the changing rooms whenever she needs a change. If it’s during class, she’ll of course have to wait until recess, which there are three of. The recess room is inside of course. Don’t want everyone to see our kids wearing diapers. Don’t worry about smells, our classrooms are well aired out. And don’t worry about the people who will change her, they are trianed and have no bad background. Lastly, the dress code. Your daughter can wear shoes, socks, a bra of course, and our special t-shirts, but no pants, skirts, or anything like that.”
Sarah and her mom were shocked. “Why?” Sarah asked.
“Well, it’ll be easier to handle leaks if you don’t wear pants or skirts.” Mrs. Hale answered.
“What do the t-shirts look like?” Sarah asked.
Mrs. Hale got one out and showed it to them. Sarah could tell from looking at it that it wouldn’t hide her diaper one bit.
“My diaper will be completely exposed!” Sarah exclamed.
“Well, so will everyone elses.” Mrs. Hale replied.
Sarah guessed she had a point, so she and her mom agreed to the rules of the school. Sarah got enrolled and was given a packet of paper to study, saying what classes she’d have and what supplies she had to bring. Sarah’s mom was given the school’s diapers and they both went home.

There apartment was nicer than there last one, which was very thankful. One the way back there. Sarah had peed. She was changed into her new school diaper. It was pink on the sides and white in the middle. It looked and was a normal diaper, designed to fit her teen body. It had two tapes on each side. And it was plastic. After getting into it, she put on her jeans and spent the rest of the day studying the packet she was given. After that, she watched TV for a while and then turned in.

Chapter Two:

Sarah woke up in a wet diaper in bed. A reminder that she was a bedwetter now, as well a incontinent. Her mom got her up and got her read for school. Sarah put on a bra and the t-shirt the school had given her. It was white with the letters “NSIKT” on it in a fun font.
“Hey mom, could you get me my purple skirt?” Sarah asked.
“You’re not suppose to wear a skirt or anything, remember?” Sarah’s mom reminded her.
Sarah rolled her eyes, and without putting on a skirt or pants, slipped on her socks and sneakers. “I guess I’m going to school without pants or anything now for sure.” she thought. After doing her hair and all that, she and her mom went out to the mini-van. Thankfully, no one was around to see Sarah in her diaper.
Sarah was dropped off at the school and went to the front office to sign in. She entered the main room of the school for the first time. It was huge and almost the opposite of run down. On both side of the room were the classroom entrances, and the school lockers. And of course, the most noticable site in the room was all the diapered kids and teens, ranging from eight to fifteen, both boys and girls, acting as if wearing diaper everyone can see clearly was not such a big deal. They were talking to each other, as well as putting stuff in and getting out stuff out of their lockers.
Sarah went to her locker, number 70, her diaper crinkling all the way there. She was also busy getting an eye full of all the kids and teens wearing diapers. They just stood around like it was a regular day. The boys and girls all had on an array of shoes. Most of the boys were wearing sneakers like her. Some were wearing basketball shoes, tennis shoes, and skateboard shoes. The girls too, but most were wearing high heals, sandals, slippers and those things. Sarah felt like she belonged, to her surprise. Everyone was just like her. Having to pee and poop in diaper that is completely visible. At least that’s what she assumed, since she was told the school didn’t have any bathrooms, except for the teachers.
Sarah put what she needed to into her locker and kept what she didn’t in her backpack. She also took the time to decorate her locker with a mini whiteboard, stickers and other things. She actually didn’t need to put to many stickers on it since the school had already put diaper stickers and “NSIKT” stickers on everyone’s lockers. She also put a picture of her and her mom on the locker. One taken before all this happened.
Sarah went into her first class. It was english. Sarah was the kind of girl who liked all subjects. In the classroom, all the other kids in the class were sitting in their desks, chillin’ in their diapers, waiting for the teacher to enter.
Sarah took her seat. After a few seconds the teacher came in. His name was Mr. King. He took a roll call and everyone was there. During his lesson, Sarah felt the all to familiar feeling of her wetting her diaper. Since she couldn’t control it she decide to ignore it. When the class was over, the next class was gym. In her old school, they had her change into gym clothes, but since the students here didn’t wear much, that was unnecessary. The gym teacher, named Miss Kindle, had them do some traditional laps around the indoor field. Running in her wet diaper was really strange, but Sarah soon got over it. Push ups, jumping jacks, and other exercises.

First recess happened next. The eight to twelve-year-olds played on a jungle gym, and out in the field in their diapers, and the teens from thirteen to fifteen, talked nearby and did other teen stuff.
Sarah was approched by the main girl crowd. They all look about her age and strutted over to her, their diapers moving along with their strut.
“Hi, I’m Lucy,” the main girl said, “This is Ellen,” she pointed to the girl to her right, “This is Patty,” she pointed to the girl to her left, “This is Riley,” she pointed to the other girl to her right, “And this Jess,” she pointed to the other girl to her left,
“What’s your name?”.
“Sarah.” Sarah replied.
“New here huh? What type of incontinence do you have?” Lucy asked.
“I’m completely incontinent.” Sarah answered.
“Ooo. Unlucky. What caused it?” Riley asked.
“Bullet.” Sarah said.
“Even more unlucky. I’ll bet it hurt.” said Patty.
“I have bladder incontinence. Ellen has bowel. Patty has both. Riley has bladder. And Jess has both. But it doesn’t really matter since you have to do both number one and number two in your diaper no matter what.”
“I figured that.” said Sarah.
“Why do you always says stuff about me last?” Jess asked.
“I don’t know Jess, it’s just more convenient,” answered Lucy, “What do you like to do?” she then asked Sarah.
“Um, gossip, talk, watch dramas on TV, hang out, be a normal girl, that kind of stuff.” Sarah was sure that would please these girls. And what a shock, it did.
“Perfect! Come join us over at my locker.” They all walked over to Lucy’s locker.
“So when did you get your incontinence?” asked Ellen.
“One night when me and my mom went to the theater to see Jas Spy.” answered Sarah.
“Oh my gosh, that was such a good movie! The romance in it was great, the drama, the action!” said Riley.
“I really liked it too. It got a 94% on rotten tomatoes.” Sarah said.
“What’s that?” Ellen asked.
“A website that reviews movies and rates them by percentages.” Sarah answered.
“Cool! Do you know what rating they gave Mamma Mia?” asked Patty.
“54%” answered Sarah.
“That’s all?” said Patty, “It should have gotten at least a 91%”
“What about How to Train Your Dragon?” asked Jess.
“98%” Sarah said.
“Thank God, it really deserves that. I love watching that movie at night in my diapers.”
“Speaking of diapers,” said Lucy, “I’ve gotta poop really bad.” she said in a giggle voice. All the girls snickered as she squatted down to releave herself.
As she went in her diaper, Sarah noticed that her diaper was getting warmer, which she of course knew meant she was peeing herself.
“Hey girls, I’m peeing myself right now. I still can’t get over how I have no control over it.” Sarah announced.
“Neither have we, but we’re okay with it still.” said Riley.
Sarah’s diaper was really wet now. Lucy stood up.
“Done.” she said.
“Yeah, we can tell.” said Jess.
The rest of recess was spent talking and doing some fun things with their diapers.
“Since we have to wear them, why not have some fun with them?” said Ellen.
They did things like see who could run the fastest in a full diaper, dance the best in a full diaper. They even got a kick out of doing poses in their diapers. Eventually they all decided they needed a change so they went to the changing rooms.
Sarah walking into the girl’s changing room and was blown away. The were stalls in the room like a normal bathroom, but inside them were changing tables with changers standing next to them. They were thankfully all women. Laughing and giggling, the girls went into their seperate stalls and went to get their diapers changed. Sarah entered on of the stalls and a young twenty-something-year-old was there to change her. Sarah hoped onto the changing table and the woman started changing her. Sarah lifted up her shoed feet and her legs and the changer untaped the diaper, threw the wet thing away, and started wiping the extra pee that remained on Sarah’s butt. She then put a new pink diaper on her. Sarah thought, “I’d better get use to this.”
When the changing was done, Sarah exited the stall at the same time the other girls did and they all went on to their next class. Sarah’s was math.

Chapter Three:

At math, Sarah noticed someone who was some-what familiar. Suddenly it all came to her. “That’s James! The kid I had a short crush on when I first turned thirteen. He left my old school shortly after he came there! He must have left because he became incontinent” Sarah was a bit nervous to see him there. “Yeah, I defiantly still have a crush on him.” She thought. He had brown hair, and was very hansom, 'nuff said. It didn’t help that he was in diapers too, which would make them a perfect match.
“That’s it!” Sarah proclamed to herself, “I’m not going to be scared! I’m going to talk to him and ask him to go out with me!” She hoped that would work. After math class and history, which James was in too, there was lunch and then a second recess.
Sarah walk up to James casually. James noticed her.
“Hey James!” Sarah said.
“Sarah? Oh, wow, you’re incontinent too?”
“Yep, both.”
“Me too. I got a bad bladder and bowel infection when I was thirteen.”
“Got shot in the gut by a mugger.”
“Really! That’s unbelievable. No offence.”
“None taken. But it really did happen!”
“You know, I got the impression you had a crush on me the short time I was at your school.” said James.
Sarah decided not to waist any time. “Wanna go out with me sometime?” She was blushing like crazy.
And as it so happened, so was James. “Sure! Um, I, I know this is a bit, um, flamboyant of me to say, but, I really like you too.”
Sarah thought to herself. “Oh, wow! I guess this proves being brave really does pay off.”
“Here’s my address.” James wrote his on a piece of paper. Sarah did the same. They exchanged them.
“Our parents could take us to, someplace.” James said.
“Great! What time?”
“How about six tonight.”
The two decided to catch up on each other’s lives for the rest of the recess. During the conversation, James let out a lot of pee. His diaper was soaked. He excused himself to go to the changing room, and quickly did so and came back. At the end of their conversation, when the bell rang, they both stood up from the bench they were sitting on and Sarah uncontrolablly pooped herself. As the softness built up inside of her diaper, James noticed.
“You pooped yourself, didn’t you?” James asked.
“No it’s okay, you have incontinence, I have it too. It’s normal.”
Sarah smiled and went to her next class, not having time to change her diaper. She sat down in her poopy diaper and started listening to her science teacher. Sarah was really impressed at the ventalation of the classroom. She couldn’t smell her poop at all.
Next was the third recess. “Still can’t believe there are three recesses! Must be because it’s the only time to have your diaper changed.”
Which is what Sarah did before meeting up with James to talk some more.

School ended on special skills class and then everyone left for home. Sarah’s mom picked her up and they drove home.
“You need a change?” her mom asked.
“No mom.” was the answer.
“Anything special happen?”
“You’ll never guess who was at school and was also completely incontinent.”
“This kid named James I had a crush on when I was thirteen! He got an infection and came to this school a year ago. I asked him out on a date and he accepted saying he liked me!”
“You sure are making your way in life sweety! What time?”
“Six,” answered Sarah, “I’ve got his address and phone here.” Sarah handed her mom two slips of paper.
“Okay, how about Ruby Tuesday’s?”
“That good.” replied Sarah.

That night the restraunt, James’s mom and Sarah’s mom talked and eat in one booth, while James and Sarah did the same. They of course put on their pants before coming.
“Does it look like I have it on?” James asked Sarah, standing up out of the booth.
“Nope. You look like a normal teen boy. How about me?” She stood up.
“You look like a normal, beautiful teen girl.”
Sarah smiled and they sat down. Their food arrived that they had ordered twenty minutes ago and they started eating.
After they finished, James froze.
“Peeing youself?” asked Sarah.
“Hope it doesn’t leak.”
“These diapers seem to be pretty dependable.” Sarah commented.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t worry about it every again. I really don’t have that much if you think about it.”
“I guess. It is kinda great, isn’t it!”
“Being fourteen and wearing diapers? It guess it’s not normal and great at the same time.” said James.
James went to ask him mom for a change and after that they payed for their food and left.

Fast Forward three months later, after hundreds of diapers, and diaper changes, and many school days in diapers. James and Sarah had been dating for that amount of time and their bond was getting strong. Then one night, out of the blue, after watching a romance/action movie at Sarah’s apartment in her room, James asked Sarah, “You wanna have sex?”
“What? Sex!? We’ve only been dating for three months. And while I admit that is a long time, I don’t feel as though I’m ready!”
“Well, at least you sound like you’d like to do it.”
She did. She loved James so much.
“How are we going to do it wearing diapers?” That was the most obvious question to ask.
“We’ll take them off. Who cares if we get the bed wet or dirty?”
Sarah thought for a while. “How about I order off the internet some anti-pregnancy pills. Then maybe we can do it.”
“Fine with me.” James said. He pooped his diaper right after that. “I’m dirty.”
“I can tell.” said Sarah smiling.
“I’ll go ask your mom for a change.”
“No need, mom taught me how to change a diaper, incase I needed one and she wasn’t around. I’ll change you!”
“I’d love it!” James said.
So Sarah changed James’s diaper with percision. It wasn’t as awkward as you’d think, but it was a little.
When the changing was done, they decided to go to sleep (this was a sleepover).

Sarah ordered the pills and a few days later they arrived. James came over the next day for another sleepover (they liked having alot of them). Sarah announced to James that she had the pills. James asked, “Um, wanna do it?”.
“How about a movie and some TV first.”
They started to watch Jas Spy, which had just came out on DVD.
“Jas Spy 2 is suppose to come out next month.” Sarah said.
“Can’t wait!” James said.
They watched that and some TV. As soon as the TV went off, they started kissing furiously. Sarah took one of the pills and the rest of the night was great for them.

Next day at school, Sarah boasted to the girls what happened last night.
“Holy shit! You lost your virginity? I’m so jealous!”
“I’ll bet we all are!” Riley said, “Were the diapers a problem?”
“Thankfully no, but James ended up wetting the bed. I surprisingly liked that.”
“Speaking of wetting,” said Ellen, “I’ve gotta pee really bad. You wanna watch everyone?”
“Sure!” they all said together. Ellen relaxed and let it all out. She giggled as it happened. Her diaper was really flooded.
“Better get this changed.” she said and walked off, her diaper making a squishy sound as she did so and her tennis shoes making a tapping sound on the ground.

During her next class, Sarah pooped and peed herself, but didn’t mind it. Diapers were now normal for her and she even enjoyed them a little. Not having to worry about the bathroom at all. Yes, Sarah was really enjoying her new life very much. She got up after class and walked over to the changing room in her poopy and peepee diaper. On the way there she winked to James who was also going to get his poopy and peepee diaper changed too. And he winked too. She smiled to herself and got her pink diapers changed.

Re: School for Incontinent Kids - Story One

It really boils down to a few things:

1: SLOW DOWN! A good story takes time to develop. There need to be reasons for the things your characters do and the things they say. There wasn’t much time for plot development and things just seemed to……happen with no lead in. It makes it difficult to empathize with the characters.

2: Spelling. That ones easy and can mean the difference between an easily readable sentence and a truly baffling one that requires the reader to go over it a few times just so they understand what you were trying to say.

Other than those things it wasn’t a terrible story or even a bad one, and if it truly WAS your first story then I’m impressed; as it was readable and made sense.

Keep writing and I believe you’ll find it easier to avoid similar problems in the future.

Re: School for Incontinent Kids - Story One

It was a decent story. You need to work on your pacing(it was way too fast) and your spelling. Spelling is easy enough to fix if you write this in Microsoft Word and pay attention to what words you use.

“I’m searching the internet for a school that excepts incontinent kids and teens.”

‘Accepts’, not ‘excepts’.

The only gripes I have are relatively minor.

In the US at 14 you would typically enter your first year of high school.

My other gripe is regarding the scene with the gunman. Now, I’m not claiming to know everything about firearms and safety in the least, but the way I have the scene pictured isn’t possible. The chances of a firearm going off when being knocked out of someone’s hand is possible, but it’s very, very rare.

The scene would be more plausible in my eyes if you had the mom wrestling the gunman for control of the weapon and it goes off, striking Sarah.

Re: School for Incontinent Kids - Story One

Please read through this all the way, it will help (even if only a little). I’m sorry if any part of this offends you, I really tried not to but this needs to be blunt at times.

This isn’t a bad story, it has good potential but it was dragged down by some bad execution.

I agree with that when it comes to grammar this story really needs editing. I really recommend a beta-reader if you can get one. It’s well written enough to show that you’re trying to write but not enough to show that you’re trying to edit.

I also agree that the pacing is too quick (it’s decent at first but it really speeds up as it goes). You’re going from one scene to another between paragraphs. I’m glad that you space your paragraphs (not a lot of first timers realize that they need to here) but I don’t think you’re spacing them enough. You’re clumping your dialogue and descriptions together (although they are on separate lines). I can see that you’re reserving paragraph splits for setting changes. I recommend finding another way to show changes of scenery (such as a few dashes on their own line) and add a space between every paragraph and dialogue line. You also need to make your scenes longer, if they’re too short (like your many one paragraph ones) then the reader is left considering them to be pointless no matter how important the events are. You need build up and atmosphere that can only be provided by longer scenes

As for the story itself you start off with a good idea. I like the set up with the gunman (I actually kinds guessed what would happen after you said the parking lot was dark and deserted), it isn’t done too much. I like how the mother is portrayed, she’s quite normal in a genre overpopulated with nutcases, and I’m able to follow Sarah’s handling of her new situation. Although I find her reaction to it to be underplayed it isn’t a problem.

The first problem comes up after they move to San Diego and get to the school. My suspension of disbelief was damaged when the principal said that the school cost was $25 a month. I’ve been in Karate classes that are $40, that’s a two-days-a-week affair I’m talking about. My first response to reading this was “I refuse to believe that there is a school that costs $25 a month!!” I even did the math and concluded that I could work a minimum wage job for 2 months and have enough to pay for all 7 years that school offers and have almost $1400 left over. I refuse to belief that a school is that cheap. Please look up the costs of private schools before deciding on one. This is such a minor thing that there is no excuse for not doing it.

At this point I stopped reading the story and started MSTing it in my head. If your reader starts MSTing your story in their head then you have done something wrong. In this case you picked up your already quick (but not annoyingly quick) pacing and dropped characterisation. You started introducing characters that didn’t serve a purpose. For example, Kate never showed up again and the scene she was in only served to give Sarah a close call. Close calls are only affective if the character is more recurring or if the location is more crowded (or both). Most of the characters you did make recurring also didn’t serve a purpose. For example, the four girls in the school were odd and their oddness was never explored. It was obviously a side effect of the school’s culture and conditioning. This was a big missed opportunity to explore the school and build the setting (the sort of thing I expect from incontinence school stories). Then you gave us a romance. It’s quite underdeveloped and feels tacked on. I’m generally against adding romances into stories because most writers (from any medium and genre) can’t do it properly. It’s rushed and when James said “You wanna have sex?” I assumed that you were going to be subversive and/or this story would turn out to be a parody (that was the perfect set up for either of those outcomes) but instead you played it straight. Everything after the rushed buildup and skipped over sex scene really was tacked on and pointless (It really felt that the story was adding cliff notes after the ending). You gave us another weird conversation with the odd girls that went nowhere (largely because it was so close to the end, it feels like a rushed epilogue that serves no purpose other than to confirm that they did it). You also gave us a paragraph that shows that Sarah has started liking her diapered situation and James goes for a change. The last paragraph especially feels rushed and pointless (more so than the rest of the story). There wasn’t much build up for Sarah accepting her diapers, it would have been nicer if her coming to accept them was explored.

You started with a potentially good idea, the cause for Sarah’s incontinence was great and it could have turned this story into a really nice exploration of her mind (dealing with the trauma of having been shot added with becoming incontinent). You could have explored the culture and conditioning of the school (why the girls were acting oddly and what the definition of “normal” is there). You start off strong with decent enough pacing and nice characterization (Sarah and her mother’s personalities were subtle and realistic) and some realism added in to boot. Then it seems you stopped trying as hard and the pacing quickened and the characterization stopped altogether. Every scene after the meeting with the principal was rushed right through, Sarah and James’s relationship had no buildup or focus in the story. There is no plot to speak of (you don’t need one but there should at least be a consistent theme or driving force throughout the story), it’s more like a bunch of tiny events trying to be one big plot and failing because they don’t blend (because of the lack of proper pacing, buildup, and atmosphere).

Overall, it’s not a bad story but it could have been better if not for a lack of detail and missed opportunities.

– (See this could mark the change of setting)

Other things that bugged me:

Using “abdomen” in the narration of the gunshot wound was awkward to read. Multi syllable words are hard to work with in emotional scenes, this is especially bad after I noticed that you used “gut” much later in the story. Gut would have worked better than abdomen, it’s still not the perfect word but one syllable words are rarely awkward in sentences.

You added “of course” after bra twice. Why? There was no reason for bra to stand out in either of those lists, it’s just one item in the middle of the list. There is no reason to draw attention to it, nowhere does the story try to challenge it in a way that it would have to be emphasized to the reader. There is nothing spectacular or noteworthy in a female character wearing a bra, you need to establish a reason why it would be.

I’m sorry, this turned out longer than I intended, I hope it helps (even if only a little bit). I might have missed some things but these are the most important parts (mostly).

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