Sandy's diaper punishment part 2

Hey! Just posting part 2, sorry if 1 wasnt that great, but remember to comment and tell me what i need to change!

For those who havent read part 1, i am 13 years old and on an ipod touch, which doesnt even compare to a computer, so i cant do half the things it can. But still, enjoy!!!

The fair was packed. Huge and packed. The exact opposite of what Sandy wanted.
Her mess moved in the seat of her completely exposed diaper every time she took a step. It felt gross.
As they entered, Sandy still didn’t have anything to cover her diaper, and many laughed. She was glad some didn’t notice.
Jake took her arm. “Lets go on the rollercoaster!” he said
“Uh, how about no?” Sandy said without any enthusiasm.
“How about the bumper cars?” Suggested Jake.
Sandy stood and thought about all that poop in her diaper flying around, shifting, trying to stabalize.
“What do you want to do?”
“Change my diaper?”
“After you poop again.”
Sandy sighed, and let a huge wave of poop flow into her diaper.
“Change me now?”
“Let’s go on a ride first.” Said Jake.
Sandy only wondered where they could be going, until they approached twin flip.
“Hell no!” cried Sandy.
Jake took her by the arm and pulled, but she didn’t move. So he walked behind her and pushed on her butt. Sandy moved, walked, and soon she was on the twin flip.
It hurled around and around and the mess in her diaper was always flying, trying to catch up with the present. Sandy was almost sick from the ride halfway through it, and her soiled diaper wasn’t helping at all. The poop was flung around, pushed against, slid across her. It was like a hell full of shit.
The ride ended and Sandy got off quickly, and looked at Jake pleadingly.
“Okay, yes, I will change your diaper.” Jake said finally with a sigh.

As they reached the washrooms, people were stareing and laughing. To Sandy’s suprise, they entered the mens.
As they walked in, The man inside turned away, hoping they wouldn’t notice his pissing in the urinal.
Jake took Sandy into a stall, and there were no changing tables in this washroom.
Odd, Sandy thought. No changing tables…?
But she could care less. At least nobody has to see her now.
Jake Stripped the messy diaper off Sandy and gagged. The mess had squeezes into the second diaper. He held his breath as he took the first diaper off. It clung to her figure, so he tugged and it came free.
“Wow,” remarked Jake. “where did you eat?”
He managed to clean her off and only single diapered her this time.
Once outside, Sandy asked, “How long are you going to keep me in diapers?”
Jake looked at her, and replied solemly, “1 month.”
“ONE MONTH???” cried Sandy. “THAT’S LIKE FOREVER!!!”
“I know, but i think my dad wanted to get his point across.”
“What’s that point? That we can never have sex because your parents are to protective?”
“Well, maybe not forever, but at least a year or two.”
“That’s fucking bullshit.”
“That’s not going to help, but I agree. Although, I am kinda likeing this punishment stuff.”
“Are you now.” said Sandy without even looking at him.
Jake sighed and they kept walking.

Laughs echoed all around them as they left the amusment park that evening, Sandy’s diaper once again soiled and wet.
As Sandy approached the car, Jake pushed her onto the car hood, leaned on top of her and kissed her.
It was a very big and long kiss, and as it went on, Jake began
Pushing the mess into Sandy, but she didn’t care.
After about an 20 minutes, they both got in the car.
“You know,” Said Jake quietly and calmly. “you look good in diapers, especially messy ones.”
Sandy batted her eyes, and then understood. Jake himself was a diaper lover, and had a thing for this.
Upon realizing this, Sandy idmediatly messed her diapers again with all the mess she had saved up that she didn’t was to release in front of all those people.
She farted while pooping, And Jake looked down at her diaper, then at Sandy. In his eyes, without saying it, Sandy saw a look of thank you for understanding in his eyes.
He returned his attention to the car and was about to start it up when Sandy said, “Go on,” Jake turned, confused.
Then Sandy assumed a crawling position on the seat, and lifted her ass in the air and moved it towards him.“Squish it in.” she said In a sexy tone.
Jakes hands shook, amazed as he started to rub his girlfriends poop into her.
Sandy made sexy noises, but Jake was to bust rubbing Sandy’s diaper to notice much of it.
They sat in the car with each other for the rest of the evening.

They reached Jakes place late at night. Sandy was very messy and normally would have liked to be changed, but now that she had found out that Jake was a “Diaper Lover” or a “DL”, she would just stick with what she had and hope to please him.
“Punish me.” she whispered into his ear.
He looked at her, smiled , rubbed her mess around a little more, and told her to go upstairs while he made dinner.
But what she did next sent him into a world of fanstasy.
“Lets eat out.” she said
His face brightened. “Where?”
“Somewhere fancy, cutie, but you have to pay. And change me when we get home.”
“Okay sweetheart.”
Before leaving, Jake put Sandy in a pair of light brown furry boots, a leather womans jacket and a black shirt underneath.They walked back outside, with Sandy still wearing nothing over her diaper, and got in the car, and drove to the resteraunt.

Instead of somewhere nice, they went to bar. Sandy giggled as they got out and started walking towards the bar.
They enetered and the stench of Sandy’s diaper hit eveyone. They all turned and looked at her. The bar fell silent except for the occasional laugh or snicker.
Jake ordered, and as they got their drinks, a man came up and put his hand on Jakes shoulders.
“Why are you, eh, with THIS woman of all woman?” he asked
“What, do you have a problem wih the fact that she is wearing a diaper?”
“Well lad, that’s for babies.”
“Really? And you know what’s for you?” he asked
“What?” the man said, sucpiciuos
“This.” Jake turned around and hit the man in the face. He stumbled backward, and stood up.
“I was only trying to help ya, lad.” the man said as he threw a return punch.
“Fuck you asshole!” Jake yelled as he blocked the man’spunch and threw a kick.
The man didn’t see the kick until it was too late. It hit his Charlie horse and he dropped to one knee, just and Jake delivered a punch to his nose, then to the side of his face, then his eye, then his mouth. The man was bleeding all over as Jake let him go. Suprisingly, the man stood back up, and Jake delivered another punch in the middle of the man’s face, and he fell, out cold.
Sandy stood up, and grabbed Jake’s arms and took him out of the bar and into the car.
“Jake, that was incredible.”
She no longer remembered the dirty diaper as she kissed him.

Re: Sandy’s diaper punishment part 2

. . .I don’t think you have just a diaper fetish, but a dominatrix one too. Just saying.

Firstly, can you get on a computer? The spellcheck there would aid your writing immensely. Don’t post it up till you’ve run it through MSWord or Openoffice.

If you’re really 13, i’d say an acceptable start - but you have a long way to go. At the moment, the story is nothing more than a shitfest comedy for wanking off too. Seriously. There is no plot, no storyline. The story is so disconnected from reality that people reading it are just going WTF. Try to make it more real - and a good place to start would be drastically reducing the number of times she craps. Seriously.

There’s so much more to say, but I don’t want to spoil my good mood today. This is probably going to be the kindest review you’re getting, if anyone else even bothers.

Re: Sandy’s diaper punishment part 2

I’ll try to be as nice as possible here.
For starters, I am not a literary expert. Most of what I’m gonna cover has little to do with the intricacies of writing. I’ll leave the taking-apart part to the real experts. lol
Contrary to the belief of the masses these days, a cell phone is not a computer, a PSP is not a computer, and an iPod Touch is not a computer. True, you can go online and do lots of fancy things with these devices, but in terms of word-processing functionality there’s just no comparison. The spellchecker is any writer’s best friend. If there’s really no word-processor available, what’s wrong with the good old pen/pencil-to-paper method?
Next. Practice makes perfect, if you’ll pardon the lame cliché. You know what’s worked for me in terms of improving my writing? Reading. If you want to write a smash-hit diaper story, one thing you could do’s search out and read some stories that look really well-written, and ask yourself why they look so. No, I’m not saying copy others’ work. I’m saying study the masters. Surely that’s legal enough.
Also, don’t feel too discouraged. If I’d ever posted something from my early-teen era, I know it would’ve been shredded on here. IMO, you’ve gotten off lightly so far. My point is, while I’m damn sure no lit genius, my writing’s come a long way from when I was 13. Get a computer, practice your ass off, persevere for a few years, and you could be a Short Story Contest candidate. And if you find out the written word’s not your thing, try art. And if people like me could take their own advice, the world would be a much happier place…
Sorry for making everyone’s eyes bleed. Now you know why I don’t do this too often. lol

Re: Sandy’s diaper punishment part 2

To Lafrique, you were nice and you gave good advice.

To Wild_Fire, I lower my standards A LOT for diaper stories and this was below even those standards. On the other post, I admit that I did not give useful advice, so I will try to make amends:

1.) Show, don’t tell. When you said, “and many laughed,” you cheated us out of seeing and hearing the group of people laughing at her

2.) Use the five senses. For instance, I want to know what Sandy is feeling, smelling, tasting, hearing, as well as seeing.

3.) Your use of dialog is good, but attached description to each paragraph. More description, etc.

Diaper related advice:

4.) People don’t poop that much, or at least not as massive loads.

Re: Sandy’s diaper punishment part 2

2.) Use the five senses. For instance, I want to know what Sandy is feeling, smelling, tasting, hearing, as well as seeing.

NOT ALL THE TIME though. Only when it’s appropriate.

Re: Sandy’s diaper punishment part 2

Assuming Sandy is the viewpoint character, it is usually appropriate.

Oh, another rule: no head-hopping. Choose one viewpoint character for the scene and the only senses you should feel is that viewpoint character.