At first I cant figure out who, and I get a bit paranoid so I clench my fists in anticipation. Being big tends to make me a prime target for fights as people tend to like to prove their worth by bringing the big guy down, to bad most people are worthless. The figure gets closer and I notice a distinctly familiar smell on the wind. It smell’s like Alex. I relax somewhat, while still being cautious. The figure calls my name, and to my relief it has Alex’s voice. I sigh happily, content that the figure isn’t about to attack me when I’m struck with absolute horror. I remember my reflection in the window from earlier. I suck my breath in and tense my core muscles. Before I reply to Alex I look down at my gut and notice the outline of a six pack returns when my belly is tense. I’m such a fatty.
I smile up and try to greet alex but I’m quickly engulfed in a emphatic, tight cuddle, which knocks the wind out of my lungs. Wow she seems happy to see me, I guess she sniffed my enchanting musk. Granted my musk isn’t nearly as intoxicating as hers, but it will still get you drunk! That’s sweat for you, applied liberally and the ladies cant resist it, at least that’s what I like to think. Ok in fairness I don’t smell to bad, a little sweaty but my cheap aftershave should be masking it. Oh god I hope its being masked, first my belly is showing and now I stink. Well I mustn’t smell to bad, she is still hugging me.
I finally regain enough breath to greet her and she squeezes me tighter. She mumbles something that is muffled by my flabby gut. I try and keep cool, as I’m about to loose all traces of my self esteem. I clear my throat and sternly I say excuse me. She moves back, and there is a look of disbelief on her face. She sombrely tells me that she is glad that I made it out of work alive. I smile broadly, happy that she cares. But then I feel a bit crap, because Alex looks a bit hurt, I guess when I asked her to repeat herself I could have been a little nicer about it. I start to laugh and tell her that I thought she said something else. This makes her giggle and she asks me what I thought I said. I pause briefly, I don’t want her to know that I was pissed that my flab muffled her voice. I do the only thing that comes to mind. I giggles and tell her that I didn’t know but didn’t think it was good. She seems satisfied with this answer and quickly grabs my hand.
We start walking towards my car. Actually I’m not sure if that’s where she wants to go, I guess I’m kind of leading. Well I should probably offer her a lift home, but would that be to upfront of me? I think it would be ok she is holding my hand after all, which is absolutely awesome. Her hand is soft and cold, which is a nice contrast to my sweaty and calloused hand. My hand quickly warms up hers though, and our hands become sweaty entities of youthful bashfulness. I was going to say teen bashfulness there but I’m like in my twenties and I think Alex is to, so I guess youthful will have to do, but I think it feels wrong. There should be something for people in there twenties to distinguish them. Like you’re a child until you’re like ten, and then you become a tween or teeny bopper, then when you’re thirteen you become a teen. Then at twenty you’re an adult, but shouldn’t there be something to make you more distinguished as a young adult (which teens get to call themselves as well; the bastards) to someone who’s like in their eighties or fifties. There is a world of difference between the different ages of adulthood. Anyway again I’ve gone of on a tangent, and well its making it very difficult for me to tell my story.
So we are walking hand in hand towards my car in a comfortable silence, well comfortable for me at least. Just walking with this fine young crumpet is unbelievable. As we approach my car I ask her if I can give her a lift anywhere, her eyes perk up, she looks delighted. A bit to delighted she must live miles away, what have I gotten myself into here? She accepts my offer, but doesn’t tell me where she lives. I can see her house being well out of my way.
We get to my car, and I hit the central locking button on my car keys, causing the lights of the car to flash, guiding alex to which car is mine. As my car lights up like a beacon, I begin to think that this might be a bad idea. Truth is I don’t know alex to well, and well what if she’s all kinds of crazy, she now knows what my car looks like. Ahh I guess it could be fun to have a crazy ass stalker, kind of exciting I guess. But my imagination is probably just running wild.
We both get into the car in our designated seats, me in the driver while alex rides shot gun. Before I start up the car I reach into the glove box, to fish out my mp3 player. It also doubles as a casual attempt to brush off some boob, but the seat is to far back, so I don’t come anywhere near brushing off of Alex, but that’s probably a good thing. Don’t want to scare her off. I hook up the mp3 player to the radio, and realize I have no idea what to stick on. Most of the music I listen to is fairly intense, its either really aggressive or really fast paced. It helps me work out to listen to intense music, but I don’t think it helps with the ladies. I do have some romantic crap on it as well but I think if I stuck Barry White on I’d be sending all kinds of sexual predator signals. I flick through it and see something she may like.
“Is that Tom Jones?” she asks me with a perplexed look on her face. Ok this song may be a miss, but I think I may be able to talk it up, and she may even like it after.
“And The Cardigan’s” I correct, but she is still looking at me as if I have two heads. “Come on haven’t you heard burning down the house” I ask, trying to spark some interest in her but she is still looking at me like id just asked her to have a threesome with me and her mother. So I turn it up and try to get her into the beat. “I dunno, it seems kind of campy” she somewhat laughs. “Yeah it is, its so campy its awesome” I reply enthusiastically. She just sighs and shakes her head.
I start the car up and she starts to flick through the mp3 player, Mr. Jones you have let me down. I pull out of the parking lot and she tells me where to go. She is working the mp3 player intensely trying to find something not as insulting to her senses as “Burning down the house”. I start to sweat, realizing that I’m not being as smooth as I normally think I am. Soon enough, like literally second’s she navigates my mp3 player to something she is satisfied with. Tom Jones quickly shuts up and The Bloodhound Gang takes over the noise pollution. I flinch as the track she has picked is “I hope you die” granted it’s the first track off that particular album, I cant help but think that it’s one of those signals that woman love to give off. She does seem to be getting into it so maybe she just really dig’s The Bloodhound Gang.
We chat about the band, we both have been to their concerts and both agree that while they were awesome they were completely gross, kinda like some low class German porn. While we talk she directs me to where she is going. Its been about fifteen minutes, and we have been going to opposite way to where I live. Man I’m not going to get home for ages. But as I think that we pull up to her house, well that’s what I thought, turns out its her friends house. She’s going to a party tonight and wants to get ready at her friends. That makes no sense to me but I’m a dude so most things that the lady folk do confuses and infuriates me. Just before she gets out of the car she tells me where the party is and that if I have nothing better to do the party could be fun. I look at her then my clock, its getting late and I really need to work my abs, and well shower the stank off. She sees me looking at the clock and tells me not to worry that it’s a late one, its not starting till the bars close and that the host normally throws parties that go on for days. I nod and tell her ill be there. She doesn’t seem to enthusiastic. In fact she responds with a cool what ever. With that she turns and heads inside. After all that driving for her and I don’t even get a kiss, what a waste.
Before I start the car I contemplate what’s just happened. In the last twenty minutes things with Alex have gone from her being incredibly excited to see me, to her pretty much blowing me off, in the worst way imaginable to a guy. No tongue or anything. She must have realized how fat I am. I speed off, angry with myself for neglecting my tummy over the last few weeks. The journey should take me like half an hour but I manage to do it in half that time. Lucky for me there were no cops, or speed cameras out.
I get home and crudely park my car in the drive. I make a b line for my room, ignoring my house mate and her friends. I plug my mp3 player into some speaker and blast out some System of A Down. I go to the bathroom and stick my fingers down my throat. I had some candy before I went to work and I want it out of my body. I purge my stomach, wipe myself down and start to stack the weights on my bench press. I tear into the exercise, working my chest and arms. I want to get through this as fast as possible so I can work my abs and do some cardio. About half way through my last set of reps I realize that in my haste I haven’t warmed up. I curse myself for being so stupid. I finish off my last rep then instead of doing normal stretches I decide to do a bit of Pilates. I know not very manly but hot girls do either Pilates or yoga, pilates worked for me so I kept it up. I do as many nasty stretches as I can remember and I play close attention to my core muscles. I keep this up for about forty minutes and feel that I wont get much more out of it. I pick up some head phones off my desk, un hook my mp3 player and head out for a run.
I flick on some Kiss, granted its not that intense, but I like to run to it. As I run to the beat of peter Chris’s drums I mentally beat myself up over how I screwed up with Alex. Granted she still hinted that she wanted to see me again, well more precise this evening. But I got the feeling that she just said that so as not to be rude. I wonder whether or not our date is still on, I should have asked her about it in the car, but we were to busy talking about music. I was going to ask her when I dropped her off but her less than enthusiastic invite to the party cut that short. I pick up the pace a bit as I think about my flabby abs. I’m not going to touch carbs for the next few days. I contemplate just living off of protein shakes and working out every day till I drop some weight. Probably a bad idea, but screw it I’m young, my body can take it.
I look at my watch and I’ve been running for about an hour, I’m starting to get tired so I make for home, I keep a high pace on the way home to burn as much fat as I can. I get home and head for my room again. I don’t bother plugging my mp3 player into the speakers again. I’m in the final stages of my work out. I lie down and start to do sit ups. I do about 4 sets of 30 reps before I’m satisfied that my gut is burning enough. I do a quick warm down and hop in the shower. My body feels like jelly, I really tore myself up with this work out. I make sure the shower is extra hot to sooth my jelly like muscles. The endorphins really start to kick in, and I start to get a bit loopy in the shower. Its probably a combination of the steam, lack of food and water and then a healthy kick of endorphins that’s looping me out.
I hop out of the shower gingerly, trying to slip, which is proving kind of difficult due to my new found sense of befuddlement. I wrap myself in a towel and head for my room. As I open my door I take in the view of my room for the first time today. Granted I had been in there not so long ago, I was in a one track mind. All I cared about was working out. My room is kind of disgusting. Wet towels are strewn across the floor. My double bed on one side is completely covered in cloths, while on the other side there is a perfect imprint of myself surrounded by cloths. My white chip board wardrobe is filled with my work out gear, and buried deep down is also my nappies and other weird paraphernalia, such as my footy sleeper. So there is no room for cloths. My chest of drawers is filled with text books and magazines. There are a few posters on my walls of the most random things. I have a motivational poster, a few band posters and a big pink hello kitty poster. I don’t know why I put it up. I Must have been high or something, I don’t take it down in case I had a reason for it and some day I may remember that reason. Even though my room resembles a bomb site I am happy with it because its big and when I do get around to cleaning it, its pretty damn comfortable.
I dry myself off and put on some shorts and a baggy t shirt. I look at my clock and its nearly one. The bars don’t close till two so I decide to head to the party around three. I’m not to happy about the time. I prefer for parties to finish at three not to begin. Man I’m getting old. I hop onto my bed and reach into my bedside cabinet. I pull out my protein powder as I’m feeling real dizzy and I think its time for a meal. I throw some protein powder into my shaker and head down to the kitchen.
Our kitchen is all right. Its not big but its not tiny. Its big enough for us to cook in and keep a table to eat off of, but it’s a bit cramped if there’s more than three people in it. I walk in and my house mate Kat and her boyfriend Derek are sitting at the table snorting lines of coke. Kat stares up at me as I walk in, she is out of it. She has changed so much in the six months that she has been going out with Derek. We met back in college and became close friends, sure I tried to tap that but it wasn’t to be so I settled for friends. After we graduated we moved in together. It wasn’t ideal but she found this awesome house that she couldn’t afford on her own. She asked me and I was hesitant, but it’s a nice house and with the two of us paying rent, the rent isn’t to bad. I think the landlord is eccentric or something, because this is way under price. We should be paying four times more than we are. But anyway when we first started hanging out Kat was so different, she was preppy, exciting and well good looking. But since she started hanging out with Derek she started to do coke and other things which I don’t want to know about, and she has completely changed. her personality, she is now a complete bitch, and if I could afford it I would totally move out. Her voice is now all thin and raspy. And she even looks different, she’s gotten all skinny and she looks malnourished, kinda like a famine victim.
As she looks at me she just giggles, probably thinks I’m a giant cheese or something. Derek looks up after snorting and just laughs. I got to get out before they realize I’m actually there. Most of the times me and Derek talk, it descends into some form of a fight. Verbal or otherwise. I head to the sink and fill up my shaker, and I get out of the kitchen post haste.
Back in my room I shake up my protein shake and drink it down. Its not the nicest but its dinner. I’m lying on my bed, relieved that Kat and Derek didn’t notice me. I am not in the mood for a fight, I have more important things on my mind. I’m tempted to tape on a few nappies, put on a DVD and stay in bed till I have to go to work again. But deep down I know that’s the worst thing I could do. Think of all that cardio I could be doing. And I want a bit of closure with Alex. I’m surprised how tits up things have gone with her. Like seriously how do you go from being all happy to see me to barely wanting me around, in like twenty minutes. Thinking about it does my head in so I set my alarm clock to 3 am and try to get some sleep.