Sacrifices

Stories Completed Stories
1

DISCLAIMER: This story contains periods of strong language to set the scene. This story was written by Rocky (Saywhat1147 on this site) and may only be distributed with his permission. This story is completely fiction. Some characters were inspired by real people, but ALL characters’ names have been changed to protect their identity.

CHAPTER 1

I was engulfed in a cloud of music. Everything was together, the drums, the bass, the vocals, the rhythm guitar, and of course, the lead guitar. Chills raced down my spine as the song was winding down. My fingers raced between strings, bending them every few notes and throwing in a few vibrato harmonics to liven up the outro solo. It felt like magic. And with a few cymbal crashes and a couple power chords, it was over. I heard the echo of the last note ring through my basement, and it only added to my pleasure. A smile shot across my face as I turned to face the others, who had similar looks on their faces.

“That was AWESOME!” I shouted. Band practices were a major factor in my half-deafness. “I loved those drum fills during the bridge, Joe!”

“Thanks, Steve. I liked your solo there at the end,” he returned, “It really adds to the intensity.”

“And Alex,” I continued, “Way to go on those lyrics. Not bad for writing them thirty minutes ago! We are going to rock that Battle of the Bands competition in two weeks!”

“No kidding! Now we just need to come up with a band name.” Corey, the bassist, said while chuckling. All five of us had debated countless hours on the subject, but could never pick a name. We had been practicing for a few weeks and made a lot of progress. We had written about seven solid songs, all with powerful guitar riffs, good beats, and deep lyrics, but none of us could come up with a good name that hadn’t been taken. Sensing the conversation coming up again, Zack, the rhythm guitarist, spoke up.

“Oh boy. Here we go again. I gotta leave before we start off on another hour-long argument. I work in twenty minutes. You guys can practice without me if you want”

“Nah, I think four hours of practice is enough.” Alex said. “My throat’s burning anyways.” Everyone started their daily routine of turning off all the power, unplugging everything, and putting the gear away. Since practices were always in my basement, they usually just stored the instruments in the back corner. While I was rolling up some guitar cords, I heard my phone vibrating on top of my amp. I rushed over to it and grabbed it just before it bounced off the edge. My heart skipped a beat as I realized that I just got a text from Tori. I usually don’t get caught up on one girl for too long, but I’ve had a giant crush on Tori for as long as I had known her. We didn’t talk much at all, though. She was pretty much the most popular girl in the school, and I was just the metal-head nobody. Playing in a band doesn’t have the same effect on popularity as it used to, ever since Auto-Tuned voices with computerized instruments took over the popular “music” genre. She wouldn’t even know who I was if I hadn’t sold her my old acoustic guitar. That being said, I never got the opportunity to really make a move on her before, so I was always looking for a way in. Excitedly, I opened the text message and read it.

“hey steve. i was jw if u wanna hang out w/ a bunch of people at the mall. we’re meeting at the food court in an hour. u in???”

This was awesome! I finally got a chance to talk to her outside of school, and the fact that the invite came from her really made elated me. I couldn’t help wondering if she liked me too. I quickly brushed off the thought, though. Through years of experience, I learned that taking things in the best possible way usually leads to disaster. It works a lot better to expect a minimal amount of personal benefit from a single experience.
However, I was not going to miss this opportunity. I replied to her text as fast as I could, telling her that I’d be there. I then helped the others pick everything up before hopping in my car and speeding to the mall.

2

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 2

As I walked into the food court, I felt my stomach churning. I suddenly became aware of how stupid I looked, with my “punk” shorts, Metallica t-shirt, and short spiked hair. I had half a mind to turn around and just go home, but then I saw Tori on the other side of the room. I absentmindedly stopped walking and just stared at her, transfixed upon her beauty. She sat there, innocently laughing at something Kelly, her best friend, had just said. I never really liked her friends. They were your standard “plastic” popular girls. Overly-done fake tans, heavy make-up, snobby attitudes, and egos that are bigger than their stuffed bras. I never understood why Tori even hung out with them. She was completely different. She may have been short, but had the biggest, most lovable personality a person could have. Then, on top of that, she had the cutest face a young lady like her could have. Her round blue eyes would always sparkled and her dark hair was always perfect, no matter how much of a “bad hair day” she was having. She wore very little make-up, and it just showed how naturally beautiful she really was. She also was one of the nicest people at our school. Despite her popularity, she never was too cool to talk to anyone. She was as perfect as you could get. I guess that’s why every guy in our class liked her.

After what seemed to be an hour, I finally snapped out of it and made my way to her, all while telling myself to not say anything stupid.

“Hey Tori!”

“Oh, hey Stephen! What a coincidence meeting you here!” she responded. I laughed and decided to play along.

“Yeah, it’s almost like you texted me to meet you here!”

“Yeah… Pretty much…” It was then that I realized that she was being serious. At first I was confused by the matter since she was the one that texted me, but then I realized that I was just made a victim of a prank. It didn’t take me long to figure out who the jokers were when I noticed that Tori’s friends were trying their hardest to not laugh, but were failing miserably. I was so embarrassed.

“Hey Tori!” Kelly said between fits of laughter. “Here’s your phone by the way. Thanks for letting me use it since I forgot mine at home.”

“No problem. What’s so funny by the way?” Tori asked. However, it didn’t take too long for her to figure it out. I do not know what the bigger clue was: the fact that my face was redder than a tomato, or that Kelly and the other girls were pointing at me and gasping the word “phone” between breaths as they continued to giggle uncontrollably. “Wait. Did you guys text Stephen with my phone?” The only answer that she received was a renewed chorus of laughter. She turned and looked at me sympathetically. “Oh. I’m sorry, Steve. If you want, you can hang out with us. We’re about to go to a movie. Wanna tag along?”

“Sure. That sounds good.” I responded, maybe a little too quickly. Tori’s friends stopped laughing immediately and glared at Tori.

“Sweet. We’re going to stop by the gas station right next to the theater to buy some candy for the movie. The concessions are way too expensive.”

“OK I’ll follow you there. Which car do you drive?”

“It’s a red Toyota something or other.”

“Yeah. That definitely helps a lot.” We continued to make a little small talk as we made our way to our cars. I then followed the girls to the gas station. As we entered the store, we naturally migrated to the candy stand and started looking over our choices.

“Man! Can you believe we’re Seniors now?” I said, trying to strike up conversation again. “A year from now, we’ll already be graduated!”

“Speak for yourself.” Kelly piped up snottily. “I’m not graduating at the rate I’m going. I’m taking two summer-school classes right now to catch up!”

“Well if you actually paid attention in class instead of trying to text me, you might know a thing or two.” Tori said, smiling broadly.

“What? You don’t like me texting you?”

“It’s not the fact that you’re texting me that annoys me. It’s just that I’m trying-” Tori was cut of by a masked man holding a gun and a bag bursting through the door.

“EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP UNLESS YOU WANT A BULLET IN THE HEAD! I’M NOT AFRAID OF FUCKING ANYONE UP!” I didn’t believe it at first. I lived in a fairly small suburban town of about 70,000 people. Crime was pretty much non-existent. “Hey! You!” The robber pointed at the cashier. “Open the drawer and give me all the money in there. And don’t try to do anything funny, or no one will leave here alive! You understand?” The cashier nodded and started to give him the money in the register. I was just hoping this would be over soon. This really was terrible timing for me. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tori and her friends slowly make their way towards the door while the robber had his back turned to us. I didn’t want to abandon the cashier, but if the girls were leaving, both him and I were dead meat anyways. I started to follow them, trying to be as quiet as possible. I looked at Tori, who was about five feet in front of me. She was staring intently at the robber, watching his every move. Suddenly, she bumped into the newspaper stand and knocked it over.

“What the hell?” The robber said, turning around. Without thinking, I turned towards Tori and sprinted towards her. I raised my arms and shoved her out of the way. With a loud bang and a bright flash, I instantly experienced the worse pain in my life as the bullet penetrated my gut. I screamed in agony as my vision blurred. I could hear voices around me, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. All I can remember before blacking out is hoping that Tori was alright.

3

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 3

I opened my eyes and was blinded by a sea of white. I could hear a symphony of machines working nearby. As my eyes adjusted to the lights, I realized that I was in a hospital room. Stiff and sore, I tried to sit up and stretch, but my attempt was shortly halted. I had various tubes and wires connected to me, and the throbbing pain by my abdomens did not help matters. I struggled to remember what had happened. My mind was blurry, and I had a difficult time even thinking. As I sat there, searching my memory, it hit me. I suddenly remembered the whole thing: the mall, the gas station, everything up until I blacked out. A chill of fear accompanied my revelation. I became worried about Tori. What if the robber shot her after I took the first bullet? I knew I had done everything possible to protect her, but I still wouldn’t have forgiven myself if she got hurt. However, unable to do anything, I just tried to think about other things. This proved to be next to impossible to accomplish. Thankfully, it was only a few minutes when a nurse came in to check on me.

“Oh good. You’re awake.” She said. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m dandy. Is everyone else okay?”

“Yes they are. The clerk at the gas station was able to apprehend the robber after you were shot. That was very brave of you to push that girl out of the way. You’re quite the hero.”

“Thanks” I said, relieved that everyone was alright. “But I’m no hero. I’m sure everyone would do the same thing if they were in my shoes.”

“I’m not quite sure you’re right about that, and neither is the press. It’s been all over the news the last couple days.”

“Last couple days? How long have I been out?”

“Well, today’s Sunday, and you were shot on Friday. So, it’s been two days. You’ve been in and out of surgery twice, too! They were worried you might not make it out.”

“Really? What all happened? Am I gonna be OK?”

“You’ll be fine, but you’re going to have to wait until Doctor Morrison can talk to you. Why don’t you rest a bit while I call your parents and tell them your awake?”

“Okay.” I said as the nurse left the room. Not being tired, I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. There was nothing on, so I settled for an afternoon baseball game on ESPN. I never really was a fan of the sport, but I gladly chose that over some stupid soap opera on the next channel.

After only two innings, forty minutes had past. Man, was this a slow sport! I was about to renew my adventure of channel surfing when the door opened, revealing my parents, accompanied by the nurse from before.

“Oh thank God you’re alright!” My mom said, rushing in to give me a hug.

“OUCH! If you keep that up, I won’t be!” I said as my abdomens screamed in pain. She apologized and backed off, sitting down on a chair next to the bed.

“I’ll leave you guys alone,” said the nurse. “Doctor Morrison will be in shortly to talk to you.”

“How are you holding up, sport?” My dad asked once the nurse left the room. “We were worried about you for a second. You almost gave your mother a heart attack”

“I’m not surprised. She freaks out every time I even trip.” I replied, causing my dad to laugh as my mom gave us a dirty look.

“Don’t act like it’s a crime!” she said. “I just don’t want my baby to get hurt!”

“Mom. Is that really necessary?” I whined. I always hated it when she called me her “baby.” I knew I was her only child but I liked to think of myself as a man. Besides, how many baby rock stars have you ever seen? It didn’t really complement my image very much. I decided to try to change the subject. “So what else has happened while I’ve been out” We continued in some small talk for a few minutes. However, since the main thing on the local news was the whole gas station event, there wasn’t much to talk about. Thankfully, not too long after we exhausted topics to talk about, Doctor Morrison entered the room.

“So here’s the hero.” He said with a cheesy grin. “How are you feeling?”

“OK, I guess. I’ve been better.”

“Do you have any pain in the abdominal region?”

“Yeah. It’s really sore and it hurts when I move too much.”

“OK. I’ll have Nurse Jennings bring you more pain pills in a bit. I bet you want to know what’s going on, don’t you?”

“Yeah. That would be nice.” I said. I was trying to be polite, but I was starting to lose my patience with this whole ordeal.

"Well, as you probably already know, you were shot. The bullet penetrated your bladder in the front and was lodged in the back. We were able to remove the bullet quickly and stitch your bladder up, but it’s been damaged very badly. We were able to operate on it during the second surgery and were able to make some progress.

“Wait. Do I have any control over it?” I inquired, slightly embarrassed about the topic.

"Well, yes and no. With the successful operation, everything should be fine, but it’ll take a month or two to heal. In the time being, I am prescribing a pill for you that relaxes the organ, allowing it to heal faster and easier. It’s very important that you take the pill. If you don’t you’re bladder may never heal completely. Unfortunately, your bladder won’t hold too much urine at once though. You won’t have much control over it at all. However, I think you’d rather have temporary incontinence than permanent. Am I correct?

“I guess.” My spirits dropped quite a bit. I was happy to hear that everything was going to be alright, but the fact that I wouldn’t be able to control my bladder made me feel helpless and dependent. I turned to my parents was glad to see that they were relieved quite a bit, but still had concerning looks on their faces.

“So, does he need any… er, protection?” My mom asked.

“Well, that is up to you, but I strongly recommend it, as it would be much less of a mess. Right now, he has a catheter hooked up to him, so he doesn’t need it, but when he leaves, he’ll need some incontinence products.” My heart sunk lower as I realized what they were talking about. Call me stupid, but I didn’t really think about this point. Their use of euphemisms weren’t helping either.

“You mean I have to wear diapers?” I asked bluntly.

“I’m afraid so.” the doctor responded. I looked to my mom for some support.

“There’s got to be another way, isn’t there?”

“I’m sorry, honey.” She said, rubbing my back. “But this seems to be the only one.”

“Don’t worry, kiddo. It’s only temporary and nobody will know. You’ll be back to normal by the time school starts. Think of it as a good way to start your Senior year!” My dad said, intending the words to be comforting, but they only demoralized me more. What if it wasn’t completely healed by the start of school? The thought of going to school in diapers frightened me to death. It would be impossible to hide them since I had to take Phy Ed both semesters and we’re required to change for it. But I knew that worrying wouldn’t help matters.

“Yeah.” I said. “I guess it’s only a small sacrifice. Tori could be dead otherwise.”

“That’s the attitude.” My dad replied. “Speaking of Tori. She’s been wanting to talk to you for days. I imagine it’s to thank you for saving her. She even waited with us during your first surgery. She was almost as bad as your mother.” The thought of Tori wanting to talk to me brightened me up a bit. She was really that worried about me? Is it possible that she likes me too? My hopes were shot down pretty quickly, however, when it dawned on me that it was probably just pity or guilt driving it. But you never know. I could be lucky.

“You better get some rest.” Doctor Morrison said, breaking my thoughts. “You should be able to leave tomorrow. I’ll check up on you before you leave to make sure you’re ready. If you have any concerns, you can have the nurses contact me.” He shook my hand and left the room.

“I guess we’d better leave you alone.” My mom said. “We brought your iPod for you. I knew you’d want it.”

“Thanks” I said as I took it from her. “You do know me pretty well.” My parents bid their farewells and left me to listen to my music. As always, it made me feel better, but it also reminded me of the battle of the bands coming up. I hoped that I would still be able to play, but then again, it would mean performing in diapers. “That must be a first.” I thought. For some reason, I had a hard time seeing Metallica playing with “protection.”

4

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 4

I awoke to a tugging sensation. iPod still blaring, I opened my eyes. Various objects blurred across my vision, slowly going into focus. As the images began to clear up, I felt stinging pain in my lower region as the nurse pulled out the catheter. I let out an audible grunt.

“Oh. Sorry.” the nurse apologized. “You’re leaving today, so we needed to take out the catheter. I know it hurts a bit, so I tried to do it while you were asleep.”

“That’s OK. It just startled… wait… It’s Monday already? I must’ve fallen asleep at four o’clock yesterday.” I responded as the nurse put various things away. For some reason, I wasn’t too annoyed that someone was pulling that tube out of me while I was sleeping.

“Yup. You were out like a rock. You’re body needs all that rest to heal. The medication you’re on doesn’t help much either. Doctor Morrison was already in and checked on you and said that you could go home today, unless you’d feel safer staying another day.”

“No. That’s fine. I really want to go home, actually. No offense.”

“None taken. You just have to promise me that you’ll rest and take it easy. No leaving the house for the next few days unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“I promise.”

“Good. Now that that’s settled, let’s get you ready to leave.” She then moved to a cart on the other side of the room. There was a diaper and some changing supplies laying on top of it. I then remembered the conversation I had with Dr. Morrison yesterday. A chill went down my spine when I realized it was actually reality. For the first time since I was two, I needed to wear diapers. I felt humiliated, like I was less of a man. (Thinking back on it now, I realize how ironic that is since diapers were the effect of taking a bullet. I think most people would say that’s pretty manly.) The nurse grabbed the supplies and brought them over to my bed. It wasn’t until she was moving my hospital gown out of the way that I realized that she was going to put it on for me. This was more than I could take.

“Oh. That’s OK.” I quickly inserted, reaching down to my gown. “I can put it on myself.”

“Actually” she said sternly, catching me off guard. “This time, I’ll be doing it. I want to make sure you know how to do it correctly. You’ll get a rash if you don’t do it right. Don’t worry. I’ve done this to many people your age.” She then moved the hospital gown up and out of the way. She then grabbed the baby powder and proceeded to powder me up, all while she explained what she was doing. My face burned with a fury of embarrassment as the smell reached my nose. Next, she lifted my butt up and slid the diaper underneath as I closed my eyes. This was too much for me. I’m a leader. I like being in control of things and now, I felt completely helpless. It seemed like ages until she finished pulling the diaper between my legs and taping all four tabs down.

“There. All done.” She stated with a friendly smile on her face. “See? That wasn’t too bad. Was it?” I just kind of blankly stared at her. I wanted to correct her, but I couldn’t really speak. I had way too many emotions going through me. I was never so embarrassed in my life. I felt so little. I hated it, but yet… it was pretty comfortable. It was snug and well-padded. It almost brought this sense of comfort and security, but no… That couldn’t be right.

I don’t know how long I stared at her until she recognized that I was not going to respond and left the room. An hour or so later my parents checked me out and took me home. As soon as I walked through the door, I headed to the basement to play my guitar. My dad had to help me get down the stairs because I was so weak, but I finally was reunited to Leslie. That’s what I called my main guitar since it was a Les Paul. I had a knack of naming things I was attached to, and it didn’t seem right giving it a guy’s name.

At first, I was having a ball, rocking out to some of the songs I usually warmed up with, but after a little bit I lost any ambition to play. This was really odd. I hadn’t felt that way since eighth grade. Now that I was pretty good, I really enjoyed playing. For some reason, I just had no motivation. I was really glad to be home, but something just didn’t seem right. I tried blaming it on the diaper, but it wasn’t that. I felt cold inside, like something was missing. As I just sat there, idly holding my guitar, my thoughts shifted to Tori. I really wanted to see her. Granted there wasn’t much time for her to visit me, I was surprised she didn’t. You would think that you would visit someone in the hospital if they just saved your life. But that was it. It would almost be better if she just forgot the incident. Any visit or conversation she would have with me would just be obligatory to her. It would only be pity.

5

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 5

The next morning was like any ordinary day. And by ordinary, I mean awkward, uncomfortable, and completely abnormal. Something about waking up with a cold, soggy lump between my legs just didn’t seem right. Groggily, I proceeded to change myself. It was very awkward. I hadn’t even changed a baby before.

After the morning changing process, the day went fairly well, though. I had an excuse to be lazy and play video games for hours without moving from my chair. Time flew by as I mindlessly killed virtual bad guy after virtual bad guy. Finally, a little after two o’clock, my phone started singing it’s favorite ringtone. I quickly picked it up and saw that Tori was calling me. My heart skipped a beat. Suddenly, my tongue became dry as if I just took a three-hour hike in the desert without any water. Do girls like her know what they put guys through with just the simplest of actions? I even felt ashamed of myself for how much she was getting to me. I just stood there, gazing at my phone for a few seconds until I realized what I was doing. I quickly pulled myself back together and answered the.

“Hello?”

“Hey Steve. It’s Tori.”

“Hey! Anything new?” I asked nervously.

“Eh. not much. Just had a friend save my life the other day.” she joked.

“Really? Is that so?” I played along.

"Yeah. I heard he just got out of the hospital yesterday. I was pretty bummed that I didn’t get a chance to visit him, though. Do you think he’d like it if I came over and talked to him?

“I think he’d love it.”

“I’d better head on over then. Do you by chance know his address?”

“You know, I’m pretty sure it’s 942 Mapleview lane.”

“Really? I thought Chris lived on the other side of town.” Tori said bluntly. I could tell she was joking, but I was still at a loss for words. I never was charismatic. “I’m just kidding, Steve. I’ll be right over.”

“OK Tori. See ya soon!” I said before hanging up. It was a very odd conversation, but that’s just one of the many things I loved about Tori. She could make anything awkward seem like it’s the coolest thing in the world. Sadly, I doubted that she could help me with my problem.

And that’s when it hit me. What if she found out that I was wearing a diaper? Should I avoid the awkward question of why I was wearing one, or should I just flat out tell her right away. Of all people, she’d have the right to know. She was directly connected in the chain of events that imprisoned me in them. Maybe she’d have some sympathy for me. But, then it popped up again. The single word that was haunting me even more so than the D-word: “Pity.”

If I told her everything, I would know that any time we’d spend together would be completely out of pity. I know this coming visit was already at least partially a guilt-trip, but wanting to repay someone for a single action eventually wears off. If she found out that this deed I did for her had lingering consequences, she’d surely feel obligated to spend more time with me. Sure, I just wanted to spend time with her, but I wanted to move our time together from obligatory to voluntary as quickly as possible. I decided I would tell her that there weren’t any repercussion from my heroics. I just hoped that she wouldn’t notice the diaper and not mention it, assuming I’ve always had bladder issues. Either way, I knew this was not going to be easy.

About five minutes later, I heard the doorbell. I hobbled over to the door (I was still in a bunch of pain) and opened it to reveal Tori. She looked more angelic than ever. The sun was shining just right upon her face and a gentle breeze waved her hair a little. I couldn’t help but return her smile.

“Hey Stephen. Feeling alright?”

“Eh, I’ve been better, but I’m doin’ OK. Why don’t you come in? We can talk in my room if you’d like.”

“Sounds like a plan.” she said as she entered and quickly slid off her shoes. I slowly led her up the stairs and turned to the right, towards my room. Tori was obviously impressed with the house. She was looking this way and that, looking at all the pictures and getting a feel where everything is.

“You have a really nice house, Steve. Very homey.”

“Thanks. I really like it.” I replied as I walked in my room. I was then horrified to see that there was a package of diapers just laying on the ground in front of my closet. I must’ve forgotten to put them back. I rushed to kick the plastic case into my closet as I tried to discreetly close the door to it. Why didn’t I check to see if my room was OK while I was waiting for her? I was convinced that she had seen the package, but when I turned around, she was still looking at a picture of my family on the wall opposite to my room.

“I really like this picture. Where was this taken.”

“In the Rockies.” I answered, relieved to see that she didn’t notice my blunder. “My family’s camped there like four or five times. We really like the mountains.” Tori finally dragged herself away from the picture and came into my room. She jumped into my bean bag chair as I hopped onto my bed. we made a bunch of small talk for a few minutes. It was nice catching up with what all happened socially the past few days. Then, it shifted to the topic I was trying to avoid.

“You know, Stephen. It was really brave of you to take that bullet for me… Thank you so much. If it would’ve hit me, I’d probably dead.”

“Oh. No problem.” I was starting to blush. “I would do it any day. And I’m not just saying that.”

“That’s what I like about you, Stephen. You’re always so nice to me. You’re always thinking of others before yourself.”

“That’s not true. I can be pretty selfish at times.”

“You’re also very honest, then.”

“Well you know me, Tori. I can’t really lie to save my life.”

“Yes, but you can push me out of the way to save mine.” she said, making me laugh. I did not really know what to say. Finally, Tori broke the silence again. “Can I ask you something kinda personal? You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable with it.”

“Yeah, sure. Shoot away.”

“Did the bullet leave any permanent injuries?” I was blown away by this question. She asked it, almost like she already knew the answer. Maybe she did know it already and just wanted to test how much I trusted her. Or maybe she really didn’t know and was just curious. I thought about not answering the question, but I figured that would be as good as saying yes. I decided to stick to my guns and deny it.

“Nope. Doctor’s patched me right up! I’ll be fine in no time!” It wasn’t completely a lie. My condition wasn’t permanent…

“That’s good. I’d feel really bad if it did.” she replied, confirming my hypothesis from before. “Mind telling me where exactly you got shot?”

“Nope. Not at all. It was right here, about two inches below my belly button.” I pointed to where the wound was. “Wanna see the mark?”

“Eww. That must be nasty.” She scowled at the thought, but then she got excited. “I’d love to!” I immediately got equally excited. I reached for my shirt and started to pull it up. Now, you may think that I’m really stupid, completely revealing my padded undies to her. The thought just didn’t occur to me. I was so entrance in Tori. She was giving me all this attention, and she seemed so interested on the topic. I wanted to do anything to make her think I was cool and tough.

It was only when I started pulling the front of my athletic shorts down far enough to show her the wound that I realized that the diaper covered it up. Just before I revealed my new secret, I pulled the shirt back down and the shorts back up. Tori looked back up at me with a questioning look.

“Oh. uh, Sorry Tori.” I said, trying to come up with a good excuse. “I wasn’t really, er, thinking. I’d be, um, exposing myself , uh, a little bit too… much.” It was rough, but it came out.

“Oh. that’s OK. I understand.” she said. She smiled, but I could tell she was pretty disappointed.

We talked for another thirty minutes about this and that. We mainly talked about music, seeing as we both loved it so much. She was an amazing singer. She just had this beautiful voice. Between her passion for singing and my obsession for guitar, it made a pretty good conversation despite the fact that we had completely different tastes of music. Time just flew by as we discussed the topic. Eventually, at about three, Tori said she had to get going. I escorted her to the door and opened it as she put her shoes back on. Then it hit me. Should I ask her out on a date right now? It may seem a bit over the edge, but we just had this great conversation. I finally decided that I had to man up somehow in order to counter the infantile influence of the diaper. Just as she was walking through the door way I started to speak.

“Hey Tori.” I started.

“Yeah?” she replied, turning around.

“I was wondering. We never did get to see that movie. Would you possibly want to go watch it with me this weekend.”

“Yeah.” she answered, smiling. “I’d love to!”

“Sweet! I’ll call or text you later then! See ya!”

“See ya, Stephen.” She walked to her car and drove away. It took me a little while to realize that she just said that she’d go to a movie with me. My heart burned with joy. I was so happy, I didn’t even care if it was a pity date or not. It was progress. Thinking unnaturally positive, I headed back down to my guitar. I’ve only wrote one song about a girl before. Now there’s two.

6

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 6

The rest of the week went by pretty uneventfully. I followed doctor’s orders and hung low and stayed home. I had a few visits from friends, wishing me a quick recovery. I also had some massive conversations with Tori via text messaging. Thank God for unlimited texts! It’s funny how long you can talk about the smallest things in life. The only really important conversation we had was revolving around when exactly we’d go to the theater. After debating movies and times for a while, we finally agreed on some comedy at seven o’clock Friday night. Boy did the week go slowly once I had that to look forward to.

Another big issue was my band. The battle of the bands was a week from that Saturday. Fortunately, the band had been practicing without me, but I really needed to get to rehearsal with them. After arguing with my mom about its being “too intense for my condition,” she finally gave in and said that I could go to the Saturday practice if I hung low for the rest of the week, excluding the movie with Tori.

Finally, Friday night came and I was on my way to Tori’s house to pick her up. The closer I got to her house, the more nervous I became. I just tried to be calm. There were a lot of things that could go wrong, but I knew that the best thing I could do is to ignore those risks and just be myself.

I could barely keep my hands steady enough to ring the doorbell as I stood on Tori’s porch. I never was so nervous before in my life. Playing in front of huge crowds doesn’t bother me, but for some reason, my nerves were getting the best of me that night. Usually, I’d be scared that I’d wet my pants, but I already knew that was going to happen.

It didn’t take long for Tori to answer the door. Once again, she looked stunning. Her long, curly, brown hair gracefully rested upon her white blouse, which went perfectly with her pink skirt. As usual, she had her cheery smile; that alone would be enough to make a dying man forget the pain that he was experiencing. A smile darted across my own face as she greeted me.

“Hi Stephen!”

“Hey Tori. You look beautiful tonight.”

“Why thank you. Not looking too bad yourself.”

“Thanks. Do you want to head out right now?”

“I see no point in wasting any more time.”

The drive over to the theater was very pleasant. We had a great conversation about which teachers we would like to see getting ran over by a Smart Car. The fact that I was driving really helped me get comfortable to talk to her. I always feel better when I’m driving; it’s like I’m one with my car. That’s one reason why I never drank. It would mean that I couldn’t drive then, or at least safely. I’d never drive drunk. Also, I’d rather just wait until I’m twenty-one so that it’s more of a privilege.

When we got to the theater, I tried to pay for the tickets, but she refused. She told me that I saved her life, and it was the least that she could do. I knew that the comment wasn’t supposed to be hurtful, but it burned deep in me. Once again, the thought started to eek into my head: “It’s just pity. She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for that bullet.” By the time I was able to shake the thought off, she was already paying. I thanked her for the tickets. I hate it when the girl buys the tickets. I feel that it’s my responsibility. However, I knew it was very rude to be ungrateful.

On our way to Theater 9, I stopped at the concessions and spent way too much money on popcorn and soda. We had already decided that it would be better to do that then stop by the gas station.

The first part of the movie went by great. The movie was a hilarious romantic comedy. It didn’t take too long until I found our hands locking together. I glanced over at her and grinned. The night was going perfectly. But, as things usually go, it started to go downhill.

About three-fourths of the way through the movie, I started to regret drinking so much caffeinated soda. I could feel that my diaper was getting pretty full. I usually didn’t notice when I was going, but it was also the most soda I had drunk since the injury. The fact that I couldn’t hold it was terrible. Having not packed a second diaper, all that I could do is hope that I wouldn’t leak. My short period of comfort was gone. For the rest of the movie, I was just worrying about my little - OK, big - secret. I could feel my hands were starting to sweat. I just hoped that Tori wouldn’t notice.

About thirty minutes passed and things were still under control. Then, a wave of horror struck me. I could smell it. All I could do was pray that Tori didn’t notice it. I thought it was obvious, but then again, I also knew my condition. Then, a few minutes later, my fears came true. Tori leaned over to me and started to whisper.

“Is it just me, or does it smell like pee?” She asked giggling a little. I froze in place. I didn’t know how I should respond. I had to decide if I should just say that I couldn’t smell it, or agree with her. If told her I couldn’t, it might make her think that it was me. I decided to play the innocent role.

“Yeah.” I whispered, “I wonder where it’s coming from.” And just like that, the topic was dropped. Shortly, the movie ended and we made our way to the lobby. Before we left the theater, however, Tori stopped me.

“Hey. Mind if I use the bathroom quick?” She asked.

“Of course not. All that soda must be going through your system, huh?”

“No kidding! And you drank most of it too! You’re bladder must be bursting by now!”

“Nah. I’ve got a bladder of steel.” I said, grinning at my ironic comment.

After waiting for a couple minutes, Tori came out and we drove back to her house. I kept my window down, trying to keep the smell of urine out of the car. It would be obvious if she smelt it in the car too. Thankfully, it was only city streets on the way to her house, so there wasn’t too much wind noise to hinder any conversation. We reviewed all the funny scenes from the movie, making us laugh even harder than when we were actually watching it. Once again, I felt better while I was driving. It was obvious that Tori was getting comfortable around me too.

“Hey, do you want to come inside and hang out for a bit?” She asked as we pulled into her driveway. The invitation split me in two. I really wanted to go with her, but I knew that I’d be risking it too much.

“I’d love to.” I started, trying to make it clear that I wasn’t just blowing her off. “But I really need to rest tonight. I have a big band practice tomorrow, and my mom won’t let me go if I get back too late. I’m supposed to be taking it easy. Sorry”

“Oh, that’s fine!” she said with a hint of disappointment in her voice. “I completely understand. I don’t want to keep you from recovering faster.”

“Yeah, thanks for offering though.” I said as I turned of the engine. “Let me at least walk you to your door, though.”

We got out of the car and started walking to the door. I knew that I had to say something to show that I really did enjoy spending time with her that night, and I knew that I had to think of what to say quickly. Finally, as we reached the door, I started to speak.

“Thank you so much for going to the movie with me tonight. I really enjoyed it.”

“Oh, no problem. I did too. It was the most fun that I had for a while, actually.” She replied, making me start to wonder. Was she serious, or was she just saying that to make me feel better? “What if she really did like me?” I thought. My optimism started to take over again. I decided I needed to ask her on a second date.

“We should really hang out some time soon, though.” I blurted. I was getting a little too excited.

“Yeah, definitely. I always have a good time with you.” she started, “Well, unless someone shows up with a gun.”

“Yeah, that’s always a problem.” I replied laughing. “And I love spending time with you. You’re very special.”

“What do you mean by that?” she asked.

“Well there’s nobody like you.” I was out of control. “You’re so fun. You’re nice, you’re smart, and you’re just absolutely gorgeous.”

“Aw. Thanks. You’re so sweet to me.” she said. This would usually be the point where I’d stop, but I just couldn’t help it that night. Too many emotions were going through me at that moment.

“I mean, everybody knows that you’re the prettiest girl in the school, but you’re even prettier on the inside.”

“Wait, Stephen. What are you saying?”

“Tori.” I sighed, realizing that I was beyond the point of no return. “I know that you’re out of my league, but I really like you. I try to just forget about you and move on, but I can’t. Every girl I meet is nothing in comparison to you.”

Tori just stood there looking at me with a grin on her face. At first, I thought it was a good sign, but when she didn’t respond, I remembered that there rarely was a time that she wasn’t smiling.

“Sorry.” I said. “I’ve gone too far. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I’ll let you go now.” I turned and started towards my car.

“Wait Stephen!” Tori cried, running after me. She grabbed my hand and turned me around. “Look. I’m sorry that I didn’t respond at first, but I just didn’t know what to say! This is all going so quickly! Don’t think that I’m too good for you. You’re the sweetest boy I know! Not too many people would take a bullet for me, either! Ever since last week, I couldn’t stop thinking about you either. At first it was just because you saved my life, but then it was more than that. The whole event kind of woke me up to you. I don’t know if it’s because we’re in two different social circles or what, but I didn’t really give you much thought before. I just thought you were another heart-broken guy chasing after me. But after that night in the gas station, I started to realize how great of a guy you really are. Most guys don’t really care about what I think or what I like. They just want me because they think I look ‘hott.’ Those guys wouldn’t jump in front of a bullet for me. From what I’ve seen, Stephen, you care more about me than all my ex-boyfriends put together, and that’s the most attractive thing that you can do.”

“Tori. Are you saying that you like me too?”

“Yes. I think I am.” A lump was starting to grow in my throat.

“Well, maybe I’m taking this a little too quickly, but would you like to be my girlfriend?”

“It is happening really quickly.” she started, making me a little nervous. “But I just can’t say no. I’d love to be your girlfriend!”

I was ecstatic. I had never felt that way before. It was beyond happy. It was beyond joy. Words really cannot describe how I felt at that moment. I just looked into her eyes, sparkling in the moonlight. She must have been feeling the same way as she giggled in her own cute little way. A voice in the back of my head said “kiss her” and that’s just what I did. I bent down, put my hand behind her head, and approached her lips. It was the best kiss I’ve ever had to this day. When we finished, we just stared at each other, smiling. Finally, Tori broke the silence.

“Well, you better get going. I don’t want you to stay up too late on my account. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“You’re right. It is getting a little late. Good night, Tori.”

“Good night, Stephen.”

So many thoughts were going through my head as I drove home. I couldn’t believe that that just happened. I just kissed the girl of my dreams… in a soaked diaper. How many people can say they’ve done that before? I felt unstoppable- like I could accomplish anything I wanted at that moment. A week ago, I thought it would be impossible to go out with Tori, but that was just proven wrong. “If I could do that,” I thought, “Then I should have no problems winning the battle of the bands next weekend.”

7

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 7

The next week flew by. Everything was just going right. Tori and I hung out almost every day and it wasn’t awkward at all. In fact, we just seemed natural together. I had never felt so happy in my life before. It was like the missing piece of me was filled with a warm, glowing light. We talked about many topics, growing closer with every conversation. I had even contemplated telling her about my condition, but I figured that it wouldn’t do any good to the situation. I was pretty sure that she’d be accepting, but the only good that would come of telling her would be that I wouldn’t have to be so careful to hide it in front of her. I feared that it would eventually tear us apart for some unknown reason. I decided that telling her was the last thing I needed to do.

In addition to my progress with Tori, my band was playing better than ever. The other guys had decided to name the band Bite the Bullet in my honor, and I didn’t object. I thought that it sounded more like an album than a band, but I was just glad we finally had a name. As every day’s practice ended, I felt more and more confident in the band. I had no doubt that we would win the competition, which really made me excited to perform on Saturday.

Finally, Saturday came and I found myself driving over to Timberland Park, where the battle took place every year. It was a really nice outdoor venue that was built for multiple musical performances by various organizations in the community. Nearly every concert was well attended, but the Battle of the Bands was always the most popular. People of all ages flocked to the park to witness the event. Bands of every genre could be found there: everything from country to hip-hop to metal. In the spring, bands had to submit a demo CD to a panel of judges that selected the fifteen best bands to perform. It was enough of an accomplishment to be picked to play, and winning the battle usually gave the band some amazing local publicity. All that being said, I was once again extremely nervous.

The worst part was waiting for my band’s time slot to come, though. It was fun listening to all the different bands, but I just wanted to go. The battle started at three in the afternoon, but my band was assigned the nine o’clock slot. Everyone got 10 minutes to set up and 20 minutes to play. Since there was a professional sound crew there, things went very smoothly.

Throughout the time waiting, Tori kept me company backstage. It was nice to have someone to talk to that wasn’t nervous like me. It really calmed me down. But when the band before us took the stage, it was time for her to go into the crowd and let me focus. For those thirty minutes, Alex, Joe, Zack, Corey, and I just sat next to the backstage stairs and stared at each other. We knew that we were able to win the competition, but we needed to execute. Missing one beat or messing up one riff would be enough to take us off the top.

After what seemed like ages, the band before us finished. They were good and the crowd was roaring. They were a tough act to follow, but they also fired up the audience for us. Energy was high at that moment, and that was just what we needed. Our music was based on energy.

We were quick to set up. I hooked up all my guitar effects to the amps with the help of the sound crew and grabbed my guitar just as Joe finished putting his set together on the platform at the back of the stage. I then turned to face the crowd for the first time. An icy chill crept up my back as I realized how many people were there. I couldn’t see the end of the mass of people due to the blinding lights in my eyes. That was probably a good thing. This was my time to shine.

With four clicks of Joe’s drumsticks, we were off. Our first song was an energetic one at about 180 beats-per-minute. Everything was together. Both guitars, bass, drums, and vocals were right where they needed to be. The audience was really getting into it as well. Through the lights, I could see a fairly large mosh pit in progress. It was a great four minutes and the crowd cheered as we finished the song. It was an amazing feeling. I forgot all about every bad thing that happened in the last year as I stood there. I was having the time of my life.

The next song started with a light guitar riff by me. It was a much happier piece that focused much more on the rhythm and vocals. That song was really received well. Many people were jumping in sync with the beat and girls could be heard screaming for Alex as he sang. Being a much easier song for me, I took the chance to really move around the stage. I even went and jumped on an amp next to the drums and started to interact with Joe as he drummed. It was pure rock ‘n’ roll. But then, everything went wrong.

As I turned around to jump off the three-foot-tall amp, my foot got tangled in my guitar chord and I started to trip. I tried to prevent the disaster by leaning, but I only spun and started to fall backwards, head first. As I descended, my pants got caught on the corner of the amp, causing them to rip and slide down to my ankles. I arched my back a little bit right before I landed, protecting my head from the impact. The amplifiers issued a giant boom followed by major feedback as my guitar crashed into the ground. It wasn’t until I rolled over and got to my feet that I noticed that my pants had fallen, exposing my diaper to the entire audience. The crowd was louder than ever, but this time they weren’t cheering. They were laughing at me. Unplugging my guitar, I ran off stage. I had never been so embarrassed in my life. At one moment, I was living my dream, and then the next, I was living my nightmare. I revealed my secret to the entire town.

Without stopping, I ran to my car and started to leave. Unfortunately, there were a lot of traffic in the parking lot. It took forever to get out. People were walking past my car and staring at me as they recognized who I was. I felt so vulnerable as people just pointed and laughed at me. I wanted to leave that place as fast as I could. I only wish I could have left my problems there as well. Finally, I got out of the park and took off. I usually didn’t speed much, but that night I was peeling rubber at every corner. As I pulled into my driveway, I noticed there was another car parked there as well. It was a red Toyota. It was Tori’s.

8

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 8

My heart stopped. I completely forgot about Tori. The night was just getting worse by the minute. After all this time being able to hide my secret from the one I cared most about, I reveal it to the entire town, as well as her.

I slowly pulled into the driveway, dreading having to face Tori while I was engulfed in shame. I opened my car door and stepped out as Tori did the same. She started walking towards me, but I headed for the front door without even acknowledging her.

“Stephen,” she said, following me. Her voice was one of concern, but I just did not care. I opened the door as I felt her gently grasp my other arm. I just shook it off as I entered the house and ran up the stairs on my way to my room. Slamming my door, I jumped onto my bed. Emotions were flooding my mind. A deep pang was growing inside. I couldn’t identify what I was actually feeling. I could not stand it. Anger boiled up from the inside until it overflowed, taking control over my actions. I could no longer think or reason. The only thing I wanted to do was satisfy my anger. I punched my bed as hard as I could a few times before grabbing my pillow and screaming into it as hard as I could. I hated how I was feeling. I had never felt that way before. I had no idea what I was specifically mad at. After all, it was all my fault. But was I really this angry at myself? Instantaneously, I shifted the blame to Tori. After all, she was the reason I got shot in the first place. If she didn’t try running away in the gas station, I wouldn’t have been in those God-forsaken diapers in the first place. But then, I remembered how much I cared about her and that I would jump in front of a bullet for her any day. Confused, I broke down into tears. Trembling, I rolled into a ball and gripped my pillow like my life depended on it.

After a couple minutes, I heard my door opening and I opened my eyes in time to see Tori enter the room. I felt ashamed and helpless. Only one word came across my mind: weak. I was nothing but a weak, helpless creature, at the mercy of those around him. I knew that Tori was going to dump me. I didn’t blame her. Why wouldn’t she? How could she associate herself with me after what happened? Tori slowly walked over to my bed and sat down next to me.

“Stephen, we need to talk,” she said, as if she was confirming my fears. “Look. I already knew you wore diapers.”

“What?” I asked, shocked. “How?”

“That day I visited you after you left the hospital, I saw you kick the package of diapers into your closet.”

“Wait, why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because I didn’t want to embarrass you. I figured you didn’t want me to know. You would’ve told me otherwise. I was just waiting for you to tell me yourself.”

“It doesn’t bother you at all that I wear diapers?”

“Of course not! I was beyond happy when I found out!” She said, adding to my already confused state.

“Why would you be happy?”

“Well, because I finally found another diaper lover!”

“A WHAT?” I asked, having no clue what was happening anymore.

“You don’t have to play stupid, Stephen. I’m not playing with you. I’m a diaper lover too!”

“Wait. I am NOT a diaper lover. I’m not even quite sure what that is.”

“Okay. Then how do you explain the diapers?”

“Hmm… Well, it MIGHT have SOMETHING to do with the fact that I can’t STOP PISSING MY PANTS!” I started to yell as anger started to take over again. “But it’s completely fine if you want to make fun of me if you want!”

“Wait. You’re incontinent?” She asked sheepishly after a short pause. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have-”

“OH, YEAH, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE ACCUSED ME OF LOVING DIAPERS?” I screamed, losing all control of my anger. “WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? A FUCKING BABY? IT’S ONE THING TO DUMP ME FOR A MEDICAL CONDITION, BUT DON’T PULL THIS SHIT ABOUT HOW YOU’VE KNOWN ALL ALONG AND THAT EVERYTHING’S ALRIGHT. JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND FUCKING SAY IT!”

“Stephen, I know you’re upset, but I’m telling the truth.” Tori said, crying. “I honestly thought you were like me.”

“THAT I WAS LIKE YOU? SO NOW THINGS ARE DIFFERENT BECAUSE I’M NOT SOME CREEP WHO FINDS ENJOYMENT FROM WEARING DIAPERS?”

“I never said that Stephen-”

“YOU KNOW THAT THE REASON WHY I CAN’T STOP MYSELF FROM PISSING MY PANTS IS BECAUSE I SAVED YOUR LIFE!” I screamed, instantly regretting saying it. Tori just stared at me in horror, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m sorry, Stephen. I didn’t know.”

“Well, sorry doesn’t cut it. Now I’m the laughing stock of the entire town, and you can’t even give me any support. Instead you have to go on this absurd tangent of my being a ‘diaper lover.’”

“I am trying to support you! I love you!” Her words pierced me right down to the heart. I was taken back. Love was a powerful word. Sure, we really liked each other, but neither of us ever told the other that we loved them. I felt a burning pain inside, regretting my fury, but I couldn’t retreat then. My pride was weakened a tremendous amount that night and couldn’t afford backing down.

“I don’t believe it,” I said bitterly, turning away from her. “I don’t want to see you right now. Just go home.”

“Fine. If you don’t want me around, I won’t burden you with my presence!” Tori said in a shaky voice. “And just for future advice, the next time you’re the joke of town, don’t throw the only people you have under the bus!”

Tori left and drove away. As I heard her car start, I broke down in tears again. A wave of sorrow and abandonment washed over me. I hated it because I knew it was all because of my own doing. Tori was right.

9

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 9

I woke up to the pitter-patter of rain. My clock read 7:46 AM, but the darkness could fool anyone into thinking the sun was yet to rise. It fit my mood perfectly. I had the worst night of sleep in my entire life. I couldn’t stop thinking about the fight I had with Tori the night before. I had gone way too far. Sure, I had a reason to be emotionally distressed at the moment, but that didn’t meant that I could take it out on anyone else, especially Tori. She was the one thing in the world that I treasured above anything else, and that was after being with her for only a few weeks. She made me happier than anyone else could. She would never try to hurt me, and just because of one event that she had nothing to do with, I threw her under the bus and took my anger out on her. I had to make it up to her. I could not lose her.

I grabbed my phone and pressed the first speed dial. It wasn’t until after the phone started ringing that I realized I had no idea what to say. I started to panic, trying to figure out how I was going to apologize. However, after the third ring, I heard her voicemail message. She must have ignored the call. Usually it took at least seven rings before I hit her voice mail, and it would have cut the first ring off if her phone was off. I wasn’t mad, though. I deserved it.

“Hi. This is Tori. Sorry I missed your call. You know what to do!” the voice mail machine said before issuing an annoying tone.

“Hi Tori. This is Stephen. I’m really sorry how I acted last night. You did not deserve any of it. I wanted to come over and apologize. Please call me back when you get this.” I said and ended the call. Throwing the phone onto the end table, I sat down on my bed. “Wow, Stephen” I thought, “You really screwed up this time. You got the nicest girl you’ve ever met to reject a call from you.”

After staring out the window mindlessly for a few minutes, I finally decided to get ready and hope for a call back from Tori. I walked over to my closet and grabbed a bunch of clothes and a fresh diaper and headed for the shower. It felt good to let the water pour over my body. It was almost as if it was washing away some of my problems along with to my bodily filth. After I got out of the shower, I noticed that I had a text message. It was from Tori

“hey stephen. i got ur msg. you can come over if you want.” it read. I took no time in returning the text, typing that I’d be right over. I then hurried getting dressed, jumping in my car, and rushed over to Tori’s house.

There I was, again, in Tori’s driveway. I was beyond nervous, even more nervous than our first date after I got out of the hospital. I had no idea what I was going to say. Even worse, I didn’t know how she would respond. Visions of all the possibilities flashed before my eyes, sending me on an emotional roller coaster. I eventually gained courage and walked up to her front door and rang the doorbell. “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about hiding the fact that I’m wearing a diaper from her.” I thought as Tori answered the door.

“Hi Tori.”

“Hi Stephen.” she responded, motioning me to come in and led me to her bedroom upstairs.

“Look, Tori. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have taken out my emotions on you.”

“It’s fine,” she said looking at the ground, “you kinda have an excuse with everything that happened last night.”

“No. I have no excuse. There’s absolutely no reason for me to act like that to you.”

“Yeah, well I guess no one is perfect,” she said. Her words were comforting, but her voice sounded dejected and depressed.

“Tori, you say that like nothing happened, but I can tell you’re hurt. Please, just talk to me. It’s okay if you’re mad at me. I was an ass.” I said, but Tori just sat there, eyes locked with her pink, fuzzy socks. Finally, after a minute, she let out an audible sigh and started to talk.

“Things just never work out the way you want them to, do they?”

“What do you mean?”

"I mean that things may look like they’re going you’re way, but then you find out the truth and your hopes are trampled on. You’d think I would’ve learned better than to get my hopes up by now.

“I’m sorry, but I–” I started but was interrupted.

“No! You don’t understand! I know you mean well, Stephen, but you have no idea what it feels like. I finally met a guy that’s genuinely nice and charming. Most guys don’t really care about me. They’re just thinking about their fucking dicks!”

“Tori, I–”

“Stop interrupting! Let me just finish, okay? I was so impressed when you saved my life that night in the gas station. I know you say that anyone would do it, but that’s not true. Most guys would have just taken the opportunity to save their own ass! You were already intriguing to me, but the fact you were so selfless was really attractive to me. You’re different than the other guys! You actually care! Then, when I visited you after you were out of the hospital, I saw the package of diapers in your room and my heart skipped a beat. I thought you were diaper lover. I honestly thought you were the guy of my dreams.”

“Wait, the guy of your dreams wears diapers just because he wants to”"

“Well, yeah. I know it’s extremely weird, but I think guys like you look really cute in diapers. I just feel bad because you wear them out of necessity, especially since it’s because of me. God, this whole thing’s screwed up.”

“Hey now. Don’t feel bad. I was-- and still am-- willing to sacrifice my life for you. Having to wear diapers is nothing, especially now that I know that you think that it’s cute. To think, I was nervous as hell that you’d find out.”

“Well, that’s understandable. I mean what’s the chance that I’d be such a freak, as you said last night.”

“Oh, c’mon Tori! You are not a freak! God, I feel really bad now. I am really sorry. How can I make it up to you?”

“It’s fine. I was trying to be sarcastic. You don’t have to do anything.”

“No! It’s not fine! I feel like I have to do something to make it up to you. I won’t leave until I do!”

“Well, if you insist,” she said with an evil grin, “I guess we could have a little play time.”

“Okay, um, what do you mean by play time, exactly?” I asked as Tori walked to her closet and dug out an old shoe box from the back.

“Well, I wasn’t completely truthful to you, I guess. I’m not just a diaper lover. I’m also a Teen Baby!”

“I’m sorry, but what’s a Teen Baby?”

“It’s pretty self-explanatory, actually. It’s a teenager who enjoys acting like a baby. They can do anything from playing with baby toys to wearing diapers to sucking on pacifiers and drinking from bottles! It’s a lot of fun!”

“Okay,” I said, still somewhat confused, “Now how does that fit into our ‘playtime?’”

“Isn’t it obvious? You’re going to be the baby and I’m going to be the mommy! I’ve always just pretended to be the baby by myself, but I’ve always wanted to try babying a boy my age!”

“Wait a second,” I said hesitantly, “I don’t know if this is the best idea.”

“Come on! It’ll be fun! And you just said that you wanted to make it up to me! This is how you can do it. Please? Just for me?” she said with her puppy-dog face. Why did she have to use her puppy-dog face? I never could resist it!

“Fine. I’ll do it. Where do we start?”

“Oh, yay! Well, fist of all, lets give baby Stevie his binky so he stops babbling so much!” she exclaimed as she opened the shoe box, took out a pacifier, and put it in my mouth. It was very strange to me. It was so foreign, yet so very familiar. I took a minute to play around with it, trying to get used to sucking on it. No matter how I did it, I felt very awkward. It didn’t help that Tori was staring at me, giggling with glee the whole time.

“Next, let’s get those big boy pants off you!” She said and started to unbutton my shorts. I just kind of sat there in shock. I never thought that the first time that a girl was taking off my pants would be like this. “Aww! Baby Stevie looks so cute in his didees!” she let out in the biggest baby-talk voice one could imagine, causing the blood to rush to my face. I was so embarrassed, getting baby-talked to by the girl I loved while I was wearing nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt. Tori was absolutely loving the entire thing. I hadn’t seen her smile so big before. That helped me quite a bit. As long as she was happy, I was happy. “Okay Stevie! Let’s go downstairs and watch a movie!” This is where I woke up from my relaxed, shocked state.

“Wait,” I said taking the pacifier out of my mouth, “Doing this up in your room is one thing, but downstairs is another. Can I at least put pants on?”

“Oh, c’mon, Mr. ‘I’ll give my life for you’. Both my parents will be at work for another 7 hours. There’s nobody around to see you! Besides, if you have pants on, how will I know when you need a diaper change?”

“True.” I said, defeated, blushing at the diaper change comment. “You win.”

“I always do!” she said giddily before she took me by the hand and led me down the stairs and into the living room. She had me sit on the couch as she went into the kitchen and came back with a warm bottle of milk. “I didn’t want baby Stevie to get hungry, so I thought you could suck on your baba while we watched the movie!” She then popped in Finding Nemo in the DVD player, grabbed a blanket and sat down on the couch next to me. Then, she leaned me onto her shoulder and put the blanket over the two of us. I never thought that I could be so feel so comfortable and secure in this situation. I felt more loved than I ever have as she placed the bottle in my mouth and I began to suck in the warm milk. It wasn’t long until I fell asleep. For the first time, I was actually happy to be diapered.

10

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 10

“Stephen. Wake up,” I heard as I slowly regained consciousness. Tori was sitting next to me, gently shaking me in an attempt to wake me up. As I started to sit up from my awkward half-sitting, half-laying-down position on the couch, I noticed a slight look of concern in Tori’s eyes.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked groggily.

“Stephen, you leaked.”

“Wait. What Leaked?” I asked, confused. Then I looked down and realised that my diaper had reached its maximum capacity and leaked onto Tori’s couch. It wasn’t too bad, just a little damp spot where I was sitting. “Oh no. I’m so sorry, Tori. Here, let me clean it up.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it after I get you changed.”

“You don’t have to change me, Tori. I can do it myself.”

“Yes, you can do it yourself, and I don’t have to change you, but I want to.” She replied with a smirk.

“Wait. You want to change my dirty diaper? That’s pretty disgusting.”

“You’re the one with his own filth clinging to his body. I’d say that’s more disgusting. Now let’s get you cleaned up before you leak anywhere else. Where are your extra diapers, in your car?”

That is when horror stuck me. I had forgotten to bring any. I was so focused on talking to Tori before I left. I felt so stupid. What was I going to do?

“Uh Tori,” I said. “I forgot to bring them.”

“Oh, that is a problem. That diaper is soaked. I don’t think you can even drive back to your house in that.”

“Then what am I supposed to do? I can’t think of anything.”

“Hmm. What size is that? Medium?”

“I don’t know. I think so. Why? You just have adult diapers randomly laying around?”

“Well, you forget that I’m a teen baby. I have some diapers that I think will fit you, but they don’t look anything like yours.”

“Wait. What do you mean?”

“Oh, you’ll see.” she said with a smile, taking my hand and leading me out of the room.

Once we got into Tori’s room, she went to her closet again and started digging through the multitude of clothes and boxes. It took her longer than it did for her to get the box she got the bottle and pacifier from earlier. Finally, she emerged from the closet with the biggest baby diaper I have ever seen. There were teddy bears and building blocks covering the outside and it was at least three times the thickness of the diapers I usually wore. Accompanying the diaper were baby wipes and a bottle of baby powder.

“Wow,” I said, “I didn’t know Pampers makes adult-sized diapers.”

“Oh, they don’t. I had to order these online. You’re getting a special treat.”

“Wait. You don’t have any other diapers? Maybe ones that aren’t so babyish?”

“Nope. But don’t worry. You’ll look so cute in them! Besides, they are way more absorbent than any diaper you can buy in a store, and you don’t really have a choice, now do you?”

“I guess not. But is the baby powder really necessary?”

“Yes it is. We don’t want baby Stevie to get a dypee rash, now do we? And I absolutely love the smell! Now no more talking. Let’s get you out of that dirty diaper.”

Tori then proceeded to gently push me onto her bed so I was laying on my back. She pulled my shirt up as far as it would go so the majority of my chest was showing. She then playfully ran her hands down my torso slowly while looking me in the eye with a smile that clearly showed how much she was enjoying the situation. I couldn’t understand how someone could enjoy changing her boyfriend’s diaper, but I didn’t really care. I had to admit that I was kind of enjoying it as well. The soft, gentle touch of her fingertips felt like it was that of an angel’s and her face shown like the full moon on a cool summer night.

Once her hands reached the top of my diaper, they crawled their way to the top tapes and gave a firm-but-gentle tug, freeing them from the front of the disposable garment, taking a bit of plastic with them. They then reached for the bottom tapes but did not pull at them. I knew she was purposely giving a dramatic pause to the event. I closed my eyes, not wanting to watch as the girl of my dreams would reveal my privates for the first time. But the hands never did rip the tapes. Instead, a loud thud could be heard from downstairs. Someone had slammed the door from the garage to the kitchen area. Their footsteps could be heard wandering around the first floor.

“Tori! Where are you?” The voice boomed. It was obviously her dad, whom I’ve only met a couple times. “I’m home from work early! Is that Stephen’s car in the driveway?” The footsteps started approaching the steps, but then made their way to what sounded like the living room. “What did you spill on my couch?”

“Shit,” Tori said under her breath. “Stephen, quick change yourself. I’ll go downstairs and try to buy some time and think of a good excuse.” She then quickly left the room and closed the door behind her.

“How could this be happening?” I thought, undoing the last two tapes to the diaper. “How are we going to pull this off?” I then preceded to change myself as fast as I could, skipping the baby powder. It was weird putting on Tori’s diaper since it was so thick. It did help that the tapes worked better. I could tell it must have been more expensive than the ones I usually wore. They were thicker, softer, had better tapes, and had those stupid babyish designs on them. They overall felt better, but I wasn’t taking my time to analyze them. I could hear Tori and her dad arguing below me but I couldn’t tell what the muddled voices were saying.

I grabbed my shorts and pulled them up over my new, thicker underwear. I had to struggle to button them, however. As I made my way to the door, I quickly realized how thick the diaper was. I was used to walking in my diapers, but these were so thick that I was more waddling than walking. It wasn’t a comforting feeling before having to confront Tori’s dad when he was already in a bad mood. I opened the door and made my way down the stairs. The voices were loud and clear by then.

“You know you’re not supposed to have soda in the living room for this exact reason! We have brand new carpeting and furniture in here! And if it was soda, why does it smell like piss? Was it your diaper-wearing boyfriend?”

“No. Dad, I swear, it was just-”

“He’s already shamed us by being associated with you! He’s the laughing stock of the town!”

“Excuse me, sir.” I said, walking into the room. “Do you have something you’d like to say to my face?”

“Yes I do!” he yelled. “You’re not dating my daughter anymore. She needs a real man, not a baby who pisses his pants! You’ve humiliated yourself and my daughter in front of the entire town, and now you stained my couch! You’re not talking to Tori ever again!”

“Dad! You can’t tell me who I can and cannot date! He’s not like other guys, he’s-”

“Your right! He’s not like other guys! Most boys your age don’t wear diapers!”

“Dad! Do you know why he has to wear diapers? He saved my-” Tori started, but her dad cut her off as he saw the empty baby bottle and pacifier lying on the coffee table.

“What the fuck? Why the hell is there a god-damned baby bottle and pacifier on my table? What? He can’t drink like a normal teenager either? He has to bring it everywhere in case he gets thirsty? And when he’s not drinking, he has to be sucking on a fucking binky?”

“It’s not his!”

“Oh, it isn’t?” Tori’s dad screamed sarcastically. “Well, if it isn’t his - and it sure as hell is NOT mine - then it must be yours! Why would YOU have a pacifier?”

“It… It’s…” Tori started, shaking in fear. I could tell she was seriously considering revealing her secret side to her father, trying to spare me, but I couldn’t let that happen.

“Sir, it is mine.” I said confidently, ready to take the fire.

“Oh, it is! What a shocker! Now leave my house! I never want to see you again! Tori, go to your room. I’ll be up and deal with you in a second.”

“DAD! DON’T DO THIS!” Tori screamed, tears pouring down her face. “I LOVE HIM!”

“NO YOU DON’T! YOU’VE BEEN RAISED BETTER THAN TO ASSOCIATE YOURSELF WITH THIS SON OF A BITCH!” Tori’s dad roared, raising his arm and brought it down, slapping Tori across the face, knocking her over. Tori just laid on the floor sobbing until her dad bent over and grabbed her wrist. “Get up you whiny bitch.”

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF TORI!” I screamed. I couldn’t stand and watch anymore. I ran over and grabbed the arm he was using to pull Tori up off the ground, but, before I could do anything, he swung his other arm around and punched me across the face, making me fall to the ground. I had never been hit so hard in my life. I tried to get up, but before I knew it, I received a hammering blow to the stomach from his foot. I rolled on the ground in agony, gasping for breath.

“You have ten seconds,” Tori’s dad said in a fierce but quiet voice, “To get the fuck out of my house before I call the police.” Without a second thought, I got off the ground and scurried to the front door and left.

Driving back to my house, I couldn’t stop thinking about the event that took place. How did I just let that all happen? I was willing to sacrifice my life for Tori and take a bullet for her, and yet, after a couple hits, I ran like a coward and left Tori to face her dad by herself. Maybe he was right. Maybe I wasn’t enough of a man for her.

11

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 11

Two days passed and Tori still had not responded to any of my text messages. I was not surprised and presumed that her dad took her phone away. Nevertheless, it was a long two days. Not in the mood to anything, I just spent the days sulking in my room, blaring music from my sound system. There is something about music when it is played so loud that you feel the vibrations coursing throughout your entire body. To an outsider, comfort may be the last thing they would expect to come from music containing persistent screaming and demonic growls, but it was the only thing that gave me any. I barely ate anything in that time, either.

Thoughts raced through my mind. I couldn’t help but question myself on how cowardly I acted. Sure, I tried to protect Tori, but in the end I deserted her. The scene played through my mind a million times. Each time, I tried to find a way to handle the situation better and be a hero to Tori, but it always ended the same way as it did the other night. I would’ve stayed in my room the entire day again if my thoughts weren’t interrupted by my phone vibrating in my pocket. Thinking it was Tori, I quickly took my phone out. I had received a text from an unknown number. Taken aback slightly, I opened the text.

“hey steve. this is kelly. tori is grounded and doesnt have her phone. shes sneaking out this friday to go to sams party and see you since your bands playing there. cya then.”

The text confused me. I never heard that Sam was having a party, let alone that my band was playing there. Wouldn’t the guys have told me about it? That’s when it struck me. I haven’t heard from any of my band mates since the battle of the bands catastrophe. The incident must have embarrassed them as much as it embarrassed me. I quickly corrected myself. Nobody, not one single person, could have been humiliated as me. They may have been associated to me, but they were not me. Had they already found someone to replace me? Tori obviously thought I was still in the band and she expected me to be at the party. That meant I had to be there, whether in the band or not. But was I even invited? Would I be welcome if I just showed up. After all, Sam never told me about it and we talked every day at school. Once again, my mind was going crazy, over-thinking the situation.

I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to call Alex. The phone rang several times and I began to wonder if he would even answer. Just as I had given up hope, the ringing stopped and I could hear Alex’s voice.

“Hey Steve. What’s up?” He said casually.

“What’s up? What’s up?” I responded, frustration quickly setting in. “Is that really how you’re going handle this?”

“Dude, take a chill pill, man. Why are you freakin’ out?”

“Hmm, let me see. I’m not really sure. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you guys are playing a gig at a party and didn’t even think about telling me about it?”

“Oh… You heard about that?”

“Yeah, Kelly texted me about it.”

“Since when did you talk to Kelly? I thought she hated you.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she does, but it was the only way Tori could tell me she was sneaking out to go to the party and see me.”

“Wait, what? Sneak out? What happened.”

“Ummm,” I started. I didn’t want to explain the actual situation. “It’s a long story. Let’s just say her dad does not like me at all anymore.”

“Oh. That sucks.”

“It sure does. Now imagine how I feel when I hear that you guys are playing a gig without me.”

“Look, Steve, I didn’t want to do this. It was the other guys.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You’re the singer. If you wanted me to play, I’d be practicing with you guys right now.”

“Okay, so maybe I didn’t try very hard. They do have a point, though. It doesn’t look good if a metal band’s lead guitarist… well you know…”

“What?” I asked harshly. I couldn’t believe it, the guys were really dropping me from the band because I was temporarily incontinent.

“Well, you know…”

“C’mon, say it. What are you afraid of, Alex?”

“Fine. It doesn’t look good if your lead guitarist is still in diapers. Happy?”

“Still in diapers? Still? Has it ever crossed your mind that it was a repercussion of the bullet wound, or are you too thick to think that through? How long have you known me?”

“Well, yeah, I kind of figured, but it still doesn’t look good.”

“I don’t believe this. I get shot and I’m a hero, but if it causes me to piss myself, I’m suddenly something to hide in a fucking closet?”

“Please don’t make this harder than it has to, Steve.”

“I’ll make it as hard as I fucking want to! Who’d you even get to replace me?”

“Well, nobody yet. We don’t have time before Friday, so I’m playing rhythm and Zack’s playing lead.”

“Oh hell, Alex. You know just as well as I do that you can’t play guitar well enough to do that and that there’s no way Zack can play lead. You guys will sound like shit, and I know you guys know you do.”

“Yeah, well, what else can we do, eh?”

“How about letting me play? Let me show everyone that it doesn’t matter what I’m wearing. You know I’m one of the best guitarists in the area. Hell, I wrote the music to all our songs. Nobody plays them like I do.” I said with force. Alex didn’t respond at first. What must have been fifteen seconds felt like an hour. Finally, Alex broke the silence.

“Okay. Fine. I’ll tell the guys. We practice at one tomorrow at Joe’s house. Don’t expect a warm greeting from the guys, though.” Alex said, defeated and hung up. Although it was a weak victory, it was just what I needed to lift my spirits. This was my chance to redeem myself.

12

Re: Sacrifices

CHAPTER 12

At first, band practices were awkward. The guys didn’t act like they used to. They barely talked to me. I could tell they didn’t want me there. But little by little things started getting back to normal. We were joking around and jamming out to our music, just like we used to. It was as if they slowly realised that I wasn’t any different. It didn’t matter what I was wearing under my pants. By the end of the week, it was even the butt of some good-spirited jokes. I even found myself joking about them. It was just good to be back with the guys.

Friday came faster than I thought it would. I was excited to see Tori. I missed her so much and I couldn’t wait to see her again. Just the thought of her put a smile across my face. There was no one like her. Her extraordinary beauty was unmatched by her personality. She was the nicest girl I have ever met and she was always so bubbly and just happy to be alive. And above all that, she wanted to be with me. Her so-called “teen baby” side kind of confused me, but at the same time, it intrigued me in a weird sort of way. I didn’t necessarily attract me, but it added another spice to her and made her seem more real to me rather than just a dreamy figure, made up in my own imagination.

As I turned onto the road where Sam lived, I started getting nervous. We had decided to drive separately as usual. None of us had a big enough car to hold all of the equipment, let alone the band. As I started to unload the amps out of my trunk, I began to realise that this was my first real public appearance since the Battle of the Bands. What if the audience didn’t want me to be there, playing. Knowing I couldn’t think like that, I tried my best to shake it off and moved the rest of the equipment inside and helped set up in the basement.

The clock hit 10:00. Almost everyone was at the party, getting their night of drinking and socializing started. The house was packed, but there was no sign of Tori or Kelly. I was starting to get worried that Kelly had misinformed me or that their plan to get Tori out of the house had failed. I was wandering around the house, looking for her, when Alex came out of nowhere and grabbed my arm.

“There you are! C’mon, Steve, we were supposed to start playing a few minutes ago.”

“Sorry, I was just looking for Tori. Can we wait a few more minutes?”

“No, we can’t. People are already getting impatient and the last thing we want is an angry group of drunk people for an audience. Don’t worry about Tori. I’m sure she’ll turn up.”

“Okay, let’s go.” I said gloomily. I was looking forward to seeing Tori.

“Drop that attitude, man.” Alex said, trying to pump me up. “It’s time to rock! This is what you were born for!”

I followed Alex through the crowd of people down into the basement and met up with the rest of the band. After a quick chat making sure everyone knew the setlist, we took the stage, which was really just a small corner in the basement set aside for us.

As I put my guitar on and took my spot, I could notice people staring at me. Some were pointing at me and making comments to the person next to them. I knew what they were thinking and saying. It was at that moment that I had intense motivation to prove to them that it didn’t matter. Saying that I couldn’t be a metal guitarist because I had to wear diapers was as crazy as saying that Stephen Hawking couldn’t be a genius because he was confined to a wheelchair.

Joe struck four quarter notes on a crash cymbal and we were off. Guitars were blaring, drums were driving, and Alex was singing as intense as he could. This was what we were all about and we were starting off with one of our faster songs, trying to get the crowd into it as soon as possible. Metal is almost impossible to play to a dead audience. At first, everyone just stood there, watching. A few people were bobbing their heads to the beat, but nobody was moving. A bunch of people were still staring at me skeptically, although I couldn’t tell if it was just because they were still taking in our music or not. Then we hit the breakdown. There’s something about moving from a quick tempo with a running feel to a brutal breakdown that leaves a satisfying feeling that nothing else in the world can match. This song was the perfect example, and just as we transitioned into the new tempo, filled with sixteenth note groupings and triplets that I saw it: the first push.

A cup of beer went flying and the pusher was bumped back. The person behind them joined in. Soon, more than ten people were moshing. To someone who is knew to metal, they may think that moshing is just violent fighting, but it is nothing like that. Moshing is a mutual battle, a sort of dancing. Nobody tries to actually hurt others; if anyone falls, everyone stops, picks him up, and makes sure he is okay before continuing in the onslaught. To a guitarist, there is no sight more beautiful than a good mosh pit, and it only made me play better.

As the set continued, the crowd got more and more engaged. It was an amazing feeling. Every song sent everyone into motion, whether it was moshing, jumping up and down, headbanging, or just punching their fists in the air. The atmosphere was electric and everyone was having a good time.

Eventually, we got to our one ballad. It was a love song I had written about Tori moths ago. It was about how much I wished she would feel the same way about me as I did her and how I would do anything for her. It was eerie how true the lyrics struck at this point in time. One line even stated how any “defect” she had was perfection in my eyes. I had never given the song any thought since I started going out with her, and the fact that I still hadn’t seen her started to bring me down emotionally again. I felt my excited stage presence shrink away to a stiff figure. I was being drained and I could start to hear the emotion being drained from my playing. I wasn’t missing a note, but it didn’t have any life anymore.

I was starting to panic inwardly. My mind told me to pick up the mood, but my emotions kept sinking. Then, right as the guitar solo was about start, I looked to the staircase to see Tori come down, looking as gorgeous as ever. It was almost as if she had a spotlight on her, giving her a heavenly glow. We locked eyes just as the solo started and I never looked down. In fact, I wasn’t even thinking about what I was playing. I just let my fingers take over as I gazed happily into the eyes of the only person that ever made me feel whole. The solo lasted until the end of the song with just background singing by Alex. I broke out of my trance after we hit the last note as the basement erupted with cheering. I had no way of knowing if I even played the right notes the entire time, but I just had a feeling by the reaction of the crowd and my band mates that it was the best solo I had ever played.

The rest of the set went as great as the ballad and we even played our first encore ever. I was left with a feeling of acceptance as everyone cheered us on. Nobody was giving me any weird looks. I felt ecstatic, but I just wanted to talk to Tori. As soon as we finished our encore, I put my guitar in its case and fought my way through the crowd to Tori and embraced her. I was overpowered by a sense of relief and happiness. Without thinking, we locked lips and started kissing right there in front of everyone. My surroundings faded into distance and everything seemed to go silent. All that mattered at the moment was the angel in my arms. I wish we could’ve kissed forever, but all good things must come to an end and our lips broke apart slowly, allowing me to open my eyes to the most beautiful girl in the world.

“I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show up at all.” I admitted, shouting over the noise of the party.

“I wouldn’t have missed seeing you for the world.” Tori responded, smiling. “I just had a few complications sneaking out, but I’ll tell you about that later. C’mon, let’s go have a good time.”

Tori and I spent a good hour wandering through the party, catching up with friends and classmates. The atmosphere was great. Everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves. I was as happy as you could be. I just played an awesome gig with my band and now I was spending time with the girl of my dreams. I thought that nothing could put a damper on my night until I was approached by Tyler. I never really talked to him, but he hung out with Tori and Kelly’s group quite a bit. He was holding onto a bottle of vodka and was obviously intoxicated.

“Heeeey Tori, hey Steeeve!” He said, slurring his words. The stench of alcohol emitting from his mouth like a tidal wave. “Do y-you guys, want a, er, want a drrrrink?”

“No thanks, Tyler.” I said while Tori shook her head. “I don’t drink.”

“Oooooh, I ssseee.” Tyler said with a smirk. “The wittle b-baby don’t like grown-up drinks!”

“Very funny,” I said, managing to chuckle. I half-expected something like this to happen that night. “I just don’t find it very responsible of me to do it before I’m legally of age. Besides, I’m driving.”

“Suuuuure. Yur fancy pantsy words don’t fooool me, budsy. Ya know… I’m sssure
dat we can fin’ a b-baby bottle to put da booze in so Tori here can feed her wittle baby!”

“Leave him alone, Tyler!” Tori interjected, aggravated by his comments. “He said, ‘no,’ so you can leave us be and get wasted somewhere else!”

“Awww that’s cute!” Tyler responded, “It m-must be degradin’ to need yur mommy ter stick up fer ya, eh Steve? Why don’tchya be a man an’ have some vodka? It won’ hurtchya!”

Tyler looked at me with a look that told me that there wasn’t much brain activity in his head. I usually don’t even listen to douche-bags like him, especially when they’re drunk, but I felt attacked. It was as if he was calling me out for an inability to be big enough of a man for Tori. I couldn’t take it; I felt an urge to prove myself. Without further thought, I ripped the bottle of vodka out of Tyler’s hands and started to unscrew the cap.

“Stephen, don’t,” Tori pleaded, “You don’t have to do this! You’re going to end up doing something stupid!”

“I’ll be fine, I have it under control.” I said, determined to show that I wasn’t a wuss. I then put the bottle to my lips and shot my head back, letting the clear liquid pour into my mouth. I instantly regretted it. I had never tried vodka before and quickly found out that I did not like the taste. Trying to hold onto my pride, I gulped the mouthful down and looked at Tyler with the toughest expression I could make. The liquid burned all the way down my throat and I felt an urge to throw it all up, but I made sure that it stayed down.

“Now, theeere ya go, brah!” Tyler exclaimed with a smile. “Someone get this dude a beeer!”

It wasn’t until then that I noticed that everyone in our general vicinity had been watching us and were now cheering. Suddenly, I found a can of beer being placed in my hand. Without thinking, I opened the can and started to drink it. I was starting to feel the effects of the vodka and it felt surprisingly good. I looked up to see Tori gazing at me with an expression of disbelief. It sent a pang of self-disappointment to my gut, but I tried my best to discard the feeling. I had just stood up for myself amongst my peers. I figured Tori just couldn’t understand it because she wasn’t a guy and that she’d get over it eventually. Yet, the feeling still remained and all that I could do was take another sip of beer.

Another hour or so had passed and I was the life of the party. Beer after beer, shot after shot, drinking game after drinking game, I was doing it all. If someone challenged me, I accepted it. I had never felt that way before; it was as if I was invincible. I was having so much fun, I had practically forgotten about Tori. That was until I was suddenly jerked away from the counter I had been leaning against and found myself being led by the arm into the first floor bathroom by her.

“Hey, what’s the deal?” I asked, confused.

“The deal, mister,” Tori started with the same tone she used while talking to Tyler earlier, “Is that you are drunk and can’t even tell that your diaper’s about to leak. I could smell your piss from ten feet away. You should be thankful I brought a change in my purse for you.”

“Oh,” I said, having trouble thinking of anything else to say. “Thanks. I’ll quick change.”

“No you won’t,” Tori said, laughing cynically. “I don’t think you could do that very well right now and I only brought one diaper. We can’t afford you screwing up the tapes.”

“Well, you can’t change me, Tori. I’d be too embarrassed!”

“Don’t get me started about embarrassment,” Tori snapped, “You’ve embarrassed me more than I thought was possible tonight. You’re lucky I don’t change you with the door open! Now just be quiet and listen to me.”

The tone of her voice scared me. Tori had never talked to me like that before. Once again, I was overcome by guilt. Too scared to speak, I just allowed Tori to unbutton my pants and change me in silence. Even though I was drunk, I could tell that it was awkward. It wasn’t so much the fact that my girlfriend was changing my diaper and wiping my privates than the fact that I had disappointed her and was in a near-helpless physical stated. However, amongst the guilt and awkwardness, I was actually enjoying the process. Despite her mood, her touch was still gentle and loving. After she placed the last tape and helped put my pants back on, she led me to the door. She was about to open the door when I stopped her.

“Wait, Tori.” I said. Tori took her hand off the doorknob and slowly turned to face me with a look of discontent. “Look, I’m really sorry.” I apologized. Tori just looked at me for a few seconds.

“I forgive you,” Tori said with a sigh.

“I know I drank too much and that I’ve been ignoring you. I… I feel really bad.”

“I know you do, Stephen, but it really upsets me. The entire week, I was looking forward to seeing you and spending time with you. You’re really special; you’re not like other guys. That’s why I like you. But tonight, I can’t find Stephen. All that I see is another stupid boy, trying to impress the other stupid guys.”

“This won’t happen again. I promise. After tonight, you’ll only see sober Stephen. I love you, Tori.” I said. I then approached Tori and tried to kiss her, but instead of finding her lips, I got her hand pushing my head away from her.

“Never tell me that when you’re drunk.” She spat bitterly. “You don’t mean it.” Tori then opened the door only to unveil the chaos that was occurring in the rest of the house. Through the frantically-moving crowd, I could see several police officers entering the house.

“Shit.” Tori said in a half-whisper. “What do we do now? If the cops find me, my dad will find out, and then I’m screwed.”

“Then we won’t get caught. C’mon, we’ll climb out the window.”

We moved to the window and quickly opened it. I climbed out first and helped Tori out. We then ran across the backyard into a patch of bushes. I knew that we couldn’t hide there long, so I took Tori by the hand and led her to my car, which was parked down the road.

“Woah, woah, woah.” Tori said as she saw where I was taking her. “You are not driving. You’re drunk!”

“Oh, I’m fine. Besides, we can’t stay here forever.”

“Then let me drive”

“Oooh no, you are not driving. Nobody drives my car except me.”

“Stephen, snap out of it. You cannot drive in that state!”

“Yes I can. Now get in before the cops see us.”

“I’m not getting into that car if you’re driving.”

“Tori, I will not say it again,” I shouted angerly. “Get in the fucking car!” Tori looked at me with a face of terror, as if she was looking at a monster that was about to tear her apart. Her eyes started to water and I could tell that she didn’t recognize the mess of a person that was yelling at her. I stopped for a second and just stared at her. I started to realize the disaster that I was starting to create and was trying to think of a way to fix the situation. However, my thoughts were cut short, interrupted by an unfamiliar voice. Unfortunately, Tori wasn’t the only person’s attention that I got.

“Hey! You two! Stop right there! This is the police!”

As soon as we heard the officer’s shout from the front door, Tori and I both opened our respective doors and hopped in. I shoved my keeps into the ignition, started the engine, and floored it. I drove as fast as possible while retaining control of the car, making full use of the supercharger under the hood. I blew stop sign after stop sign, skidding around corners, until I reached the highway. Tori gripped onto her seat and begged me to slow down, but I just ignored her. I thought for sure that the cops were going to be on my tail any second and the thought that a speeding vehicle would stand out to any other squad car never crossed my mind.

I swerved around the few cars that were on the highway so late at night. I wasn’t paying attention to my speedometer very well, but I knew that I was going over 90 miles per hour. I was starting to have trouble controlling the car and the road started moving back and forth as I tried to keep a straight path without losing too much speed. I was focusing so hard on the lines that I didn’t notice the left-curve in the road until it was too late.

I stomped on the brakes and jerked my wheel to the left, causing the car to skid sideways to the right, passenger side first. The car launched off the inclined bank of the road and towards the forest. Everything went into slow motion as we soared through the air. All I can remember is the terrified scream coming from Tori as we drew closer and closer to the forest and finally smashed into a tree.

I awoke to the smell of smoke and the growing sound of sirens. My head pounded as my eyes cleared up. I could see my now-deflated airbag drooping out of the steering wheel onto my lap. My neck issued a sharp pain as I slowly looked to my right to see if Tori was okay.

The image I saw still burns in my mind every night. Tori’s body was so bloody and mangled that I wouldn’t have recognized her if I didn’t remember her getting in the car with me. The tree had hit the car in the passenger side door, causing the car to wrap around the tree. The whole right side of the car had crushed her into the gut-wrenching state she was in. Trembling, I reached out and started shaking her left arm.

“Tori! Tori! Wake up! Can you hear me?” I said shakily, tears building up in my eyes. She didn’t answer. "TORI! WAKE UP! PLEASE WAKE UP! OH GOD, THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! I’M SO SORRY! PLEASE WAKE UP! YOU CAN’T BE DEAD! I LOVE YOU, TORI! PLEASE! TORI! TORI!

I broke down into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. She never answered me. She was dead.

13

Re: Sacrifices

EPILOGUE

Every day, we make sacrifices. Some are trivial while others hold value that we can’t even comprehend. In a sense, everything we do involves a sacrifice. We sacrifice our time, our money, our friendships, and even our morals and beliefs as we make decisions in our lives. By studying or doing extra work, you sacrifice your free time in order to get a better grade or a bigger paycheck. The opposite also applies when you sacrifice the grades or paycheck for more free time.

In order to be successful and happy in life, we must make the correct sacrifices and for the right reasons. That doesn’t mean that we always make the same sacrifice, but rather that we make the correct sacrifices at the correct time and place. But how do we know what sacrifice to make?

Does happiness and success come primarily from when we work for only one person: ourselves? I strongly believe that that is not the case. The more and more that I observe events and think about the consequences of the decisions we make, the more I realize that life is better, nay, life is designed to be a service to others.

When you are having trouble making a decision, it is important to think about which one puts you in the best position and gives you the most potential, but there is much more than that. Think about how others will be affected by your actions. What are you sacrificing in order to obtain the end product? Is it worth it? I am willing to bet that as long as you don’t neglect yourself in the process, you would be much happier if you made sacrifices that primarily benefited others instead of yourself.

So what decisions are you going to make today? Are you going to continue to do what you’ve been doing, untouched by anything I’ve said, or are you going to make a point to live differently and put others before yourself? Life is about the sacrifices you make. What are you going to sacrifice?