Over the years Ive come across many ABDL related stories that claim to be real. Some are believable where as some are just downright lies used for people to fap too. I was thinking about this today and realized that although i enjoy writing fiction, my own story is worth putting down on paper as much as my fantasies are. Part of me wants to write this to help unclutter the mess inside my head, part of it is to help others like me so that they dont feel alone and know that there is hope, but for me the most important reason for writing this is closure…
So here we go I guess…welcome to my life.
Ever since i can remember ive wanted to wear diapers. I remember running out to the living room at the sound of a diaper commercial when I was younger. They always grabbed my attention. It was like hypnosis. Occassionaly id work up the courage to ask my mother if i could wear them. My hopes were of course crushed though everytime by the usual “No.”
One day, i believe i was six years old, my cousin and I were playing on the swings on our family farm. The memory is a bit hazy but I remember bawling my eyes out because of my cousin teasing me about something. Of course like any other child i ran to my mother for comfort but what i recieved the opposite. With an ashamed look on her face she led me inside to the bathroom and laid me down on the tile floor. Before i knew it i was in a baby diaper. I couldnt be happier. My family felt otherwise. They made fun of me, calling me a baby and saying i should grow up. My happiness was crushed by there ridicule and the memory faded into what was a cold depressing void.
Years went by and eventually puberty kicked in causing a newfound curiousity for my secret. I started going on websites and realized i wasnt alone and that i was an ABDL. I became hooked. Id spend hours on sites like dpf and deeker (both shutdown and for good reason) learning more about this “world”. It didnt matter how many times i was caught or punished, i couldnt stop. Eventually my desires led me to start wetting my bed hoping my mom would buy diapers for me but all i ever got from her was looks of disgust and a schism between us that seemed to grow larger. Then when i went to visit my dad and stepmother my luck changed. My stepmother was far more understanding and even bought me my first package of depends pullups. I was in heaven. I can still remember to this day how wonderful it felt. I was finally myself.
When i returned home my mother had a package of nightime diapers for me but i couldnt bring myself to use them. Just knowing how disgusted she was at the idea of her son being a bedwetter made me hate myself. I decided from then on that it would be something id have to hide so for the next few years i bought my own and hid them under my bed. I can still remember sneaking into bed trying as hard as i could to be quiet as i undid the tapes and readied myself for my nightly ritual. One of my favorite memories was me watching cartoons, thickly padded taking pulls from the bottle of southern host i hid behind my couch. But of course i wasnt as sneaky as my mom was snoopy. She discovered my supply many times and everytime she would simply shake her head and walk away. This was the beginning of a schism that spread between my parents and i. I still love them but those moments seem to permanently damage the trust i had with my parents. The relationship between had gone sour. I no longer felt like a part of the family. I was a loner, i felt like an unwanted foster child. I remember one night in particular driving home with them that really hurt. My stepfather had been drinking so my friend and i rode with my mom to pick him up. As we drive my dad made a comment about the car “cat assing” as he put it. I laughed and said, “I think youve had to much dad, its fish tailing. Not cat assing.” i was trying to joke with him. When he was drunk it was the only time he’d talk to me.
His reply, “I may get drunk but atleast i dont spend my nights looking at adults in diapers.” immediately i looked at the floor and never looked back. What hurt the most is that nobody not even my mom came to my defense. In front of my best friend nonetheless. A few months later my mother had aporoached me agter finding my stash again. She stopped me as i went to leave.
“Dakota this has to stop. If you keep this up nobody will love you. Youll lose your friends and your girlfriend. You need to get rid of all of this and start being normal.” ibwalked out the door tears in my eyes. My heart was broken. Two days later i moved out with no intention of ever returning.
Things seemed to cool down after that. I moved into a small house with a few friends and would indulge in my fantasies whenever i could. It was sort of hard though, see i didnt have a door to my room. I just had a set of blinds with hippy designs covering my doorway but i made due. Things were going fine until savannah entered the picture.
Lets back track.
Savannah was the first person i ever shared my little side to and surprisingly she was interested in it. She even thought it was cute. She even wanted to roleplay with me. It was like a dream come true. The only problem was that she was dating my bestfriend at the time and i didnt feel comfortable with her leaving him just for that. I tried to stay friends eith her but she kept pushing herself on me and i eventually had to cut her off. Things wouldve been find till i woke up one morning to see that she had posted on my facebook my entire secret. Not only that but she made fun of me in it too. The first person i trusted and she screws me over simply because i refused to let her leave my friend for her. The ehole thing blew over but it definetly left an impact on me.
When i was 17 i started dating an old friend named Leslie. Looking back now it wasnt a healthy relationship but we were high school sweethearts. So after 6 months i decided to tell her everything. At first it was ok, she went online and did research, she even made me a profile on a support group (adisc). I thought things were perfect…but like most stories they must always come to an end.
It had been 6 months sincr i told her my secret. I had asked repeatedly if she would get a bit more involved. She was nice about it but just kept putting it off. Then one night while we were both quite intoxicated i broke down and started crying. I couldnt stop. I explained to her how alone i felt. Well my dreams were about to be answered. She went to the dresser drawer and pulled out two of my diapers. She asked me to lie down and i did. My mind began to fog over lost in the awe of what was happening. She tried to act sweet about it but i could tell how much she dreaded doing yhis. I tried to ignore it and just be grateful for what i was recieving. I remember cuddling close to her afterwards…she moved away and i curled up into a ball on my side of the bed and tried to sleep.
I awoke the next day to her getting dressrd. I said my usual good morning and changed. Her reply was “please stop bring your binky to bed, i had to sleep on it last night.” and with those words she left for work. Still being grateful for the night before i tried not to be offended and simply went on with my day. Work sucked and all i wanted was to be in her arms again. When i got home she was watching buffy, she wouldnt even look at me. I played it cool at first but i couldnt hold it in anymore and asked if she would diaper me again. I remember her standing up, not saying a word as she walked into our bedroom and began to pack up her things.
“Last night was to much Dakota, I cant do this. I read up more on this stuff, i read stories. I couldnt stand them. The more and more i rhink about it the more i see you like a pesophile or something, idk. But im not ok with it. I dont want to be your mommy.”
I begged with her, i told her id never do it again. Id try to seek counseling, anything to keep her from leaving. “Please…just please dont go.”
And thats when the bomb dropped.
“I fucked Corey today (her ex).”
My mouth dropped, the air felt like it had been vacuumed from my lings. I heard the door close behind her. And thats when things turned for the worst.
I was 19, my girlfriend (possible bride) had just destroyed my entire grasp on love and trust. I was about to ride the rails on a crazy train and never look back.
I began to drink and smoke pot heavily. I took pills when i could to numb my thought and my grades in school had gotten so bad i simply gave up and decided to just join the worke force. Id spend my nights telling old friends my secret, hoping someone could help. I was a wreck. Some understood, others didnt. None of it mattered, the hole in my heart from when i was younger simply seemed to grow larger. I felt like i was rotting away. Id have dreams of my friends finding out my secret and beating me wile i lay there diapered bleeding holding on to my life.
There were moments of sunshine though. I met a girl named hailey who actually seemed to like my little side. We started getting together and soon started roleplaying. I remember one night she had to go to work so while she was gone i put on a diaper under my sweatpants and took a nap. I awoke to her hand down my pants with a large grin on her face.
“How is mommy supposed to check your diaper with all these clothes on?” she then led me up the stairs to her room where she undressed me. The sex was good but soon after this her taste for my little side turned to unsatisfied lust her affection for me dissapeared and i was left alone again.
I swore to myself that id find someone, someone would love me. And then i met becky.
Becky and i started talking and i decided after many drinks to open up to her. It was ok. She acceoted me and wanted to help. We moved in together a few months later and began a new life. Unfortunately she may have been telling the truth but it only went as far as words. A few times shed hold me or feed me a bottle but it soon became apparent she wanted a real man. I woke up one morning to her sitting on the side of my bed as she stroked my hair.
“Im going to go stay with my mom for a bit.”
I simply nodded knowing what was happening as soon as she left i grabbed the bottle of vodka from the kitchen and sat on my floor chugging it as fast as i could trying to wash away everything. I remember crying to my cat that it was all my fault she left.
Things took an even darker turn from there. I began experimenting with more and more drugs. Pills, shrroms, Acid, hell even meth. I was a broken soul and i was ready to give up.
Im not a religious man but if theres a god she was watching and in the form of a facebook message she sent me an angel. I could see the sun peeking over the horizon.
Part 2 coming soon
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