Chapter 6: Resolution
Saturday night Elise laid down on her familiar bed at her father’s house. She had been sleeping in this bed for a long time until she was enrolled in the boarding school. Now, whenever she slept in this bed it meant that she had to be away from Aileron, the one person in her life who seemed to understand her. Knowing that he was currently so far away made her miss him terribly. Her only comfort was that she knew that he was probably thinking about her as she was of him. That made her feel closer to him somehow. Turning on her side, Elise stared out her window at the full moon looming in the distance.
If she thought hard enough about Aileron, it was almost as if he were right beside her in bed. She could almost hear his breathing, feel his warmth, smell his scent. She thought back to the last time they were together, when he had tickled her into wetting herself. She smiled when she thought about it. Then she remembered how he had placed his hand on her wet diaper. The mere memory of his soft touch caused her to shudder, and she realized that her own hand was caressing the same spot.
It forced her to again reflect on her day. She had constantly been thinking about the risk the operation posed. It was the only thing that stood in her way of a cure to her condition. But now that she thought about it, there was more to her hesitation than just the danger. When she thought about Aileron in times of loneliness, she often recalled the times they had been close. The times that mostly came to mind were those when he had changed or bathed her.
A girl her age, especially in modern American culture, should have wished to be independent of anyone, especially a man. However, Elise didn’t really like being independent. It wasn’t that she couldn’t take care of herself; she was just as capable as any girl her age, and quite proficient at changing her own diapers. But she liked being taken care of. She knew that she could give herself over completely to Aileron, and he would take care for her; give her whatever she needed. That level of trust and intimacy was something she placed a lot of value on.
If she hadn’t met Aileron, she might have been more willing to go through with the operation despite the risks. Before he flew into her life, she had little hope of being accepted as she was. Once her secret was out in the open she soon came to hate her life. It would’ve been worth it to risk her health for the chance of normality. At that time she didn’t even dare imagine that there would be someone as wonderful as Aileron who would not only accept, but even embrace her despite her flaws.
When she really thought about it, she didn’t mind so much being in diapers. Sure, it was a hassle to change them all the time. They were warm in the summer, and she was pretty much relegated to wearing only dresses and skirts. But it wasn’t that bad. She had been wearing them her entire life, after all. In fact, the thought of what it would feel like to be lying in her bed in cotton panties, rather than a disposable diaper, seemed absolutely foreign to her.
What bothered her was what other people thought. She had seen how something that seemed trivial in the great scheme of things could easily ruin her life. How people saw her was now very important. But, when Aileron was with her, it wasn’t a problem. In fact, the only person’s opinion that really mattered to her now, besides her father’s, was Aileron’s. She wouldn’t be able to make a decision before asking him. Since she already knew that her father wanted her to go through with it, if Aileron felt the same way then she would go into it without hesitation. However, if Aileron disagreed with her father, she would have to seriously consider who’s opinion mattered more.
But for the time being she tried to just force the issue out of her mind. She was worried what he might say, but instead of dwell on it, she found her other pillow and embraced it, imagining that it was Aileron lying with her.
It wasn’t until late on Sunday night that Elise finally returned to the school. Unfortunately, it was too close to lights out to see Aileron, so she would have to wait until lunch time tomorrow. Elise had a hard time sleeping that night. She was worried about how Aileron would respond to her situation. She decided that it would be best if she didn’t tell him about the risk until she knew how he seriously felt about the operation, and the possibility of her being normal. If she told him about the risk right away, he obviously wouldn’t want her to go through with the procedure. Keeping that a secret would be the only way to find out what he really thought.
Finally, the next day arrived and soon lunch period had begun. Elise anxiously waited outside her house for Aileron to come and meet her.
Approaching her house, Aileron immediately caught sight of Elise standing outside of the door like normal. However, rather than notice his approach as she normally did, she seemed preoccupied with something else.
“Heya doll face,” Aileron greeted warmly. Elise started a bit, then looked up at him. As soon as their eyes met she smiled a bit, but whatever was bothering her quickly overpowered the warm feelings she got from seeing him.
“Hi Aile, how was your weekend?” Elise asked.
“Kind of boring,” Aileron said with a sigh, “I missed you a lot, and even Arnold was off campus. I did spend some time catching up with Rachael, though. What about you? How did the big dinner with your dad go?”
“It went…” Elise thought back to Friday evening’s strained dinner with her father. “It was nice,” she said, sugarcoating it.
“Well, that’s good,” Aileron said, but seeing Elise’s sad demeanor he added, “right?”
“Yeah, I guess,” Elise replied, then sighed.
“Elise,” Aileron asked in a more concerned voice, “what’s bothering you?”
“I… well… can we go somewhere and talk… alone?”
“Yeah,” Aileron immediately replied. Usually anything Elise had to talk about she could say with the company of Arnold and Rachael. However, this time it felt like whatever she wanted to discuss was far more important than other times.
“Where can we talk privately?” Elise asked.
“I know just the place,” Aileron replied.
There was an area near to the library building that had a few trees. Normally, especially during this time of day, no one would be there.
“So, what is it you wanted to talk about?” Aileron asked once they were in the secluded place. Elise looked out over the waves as they slowly made their way toward the cliff which they were standing atop. Unconsciously, she hugged herself as the cold breeze rushed over them. Aileron took off his coat and lovingly draped it over her shoulders.
“Thank you,” Elise said, looking up at him. Aileron smiled down at her, and she looked away slightly embarrassed. After a moment of hesitation, she took a deep breath and spoke.
“Aile… you love me, right?” she asked. Aileron was taken slightly aback at the strange question, but replied immediately.
“Yes, I love you very much, Elise,” he said with a smile. Elise looked up into his eyes, but again looked down and away.
“Would you love me more if… if I were normal?”
“What do you mean normal?” Aileron asked.
“You know… if I didn’t have to wear diapers all the time,” Elise said softly, her voice barely audible over the crashing waves in the distance.
“I don’t think I could possibly love you more, Elise,” Aileron said. “And your being in diapers isn’t something that bothers me. You know that already, right?”
“Yeah, I guess I do,” Elise again sighed.
“What’s this all about, Elise?” Aileron asked.
“It turns out that… there’s this operation. My father told me about it… it’s possible that if I agree to go through with it I could be cured.”
Aileron felt his heart skip a beat.
“You mean… you wouldn’t need diapers anymore? You’d have full control over… everything?”
“Yes,” Elise nodded her head.
“Well… that’s,” Aileron rubbed the back of his head. He wondered how he should respond to her. He knew that she had a longing desire to be normal in that regard, so he should be supportive of anything that could help her to that end. However, at the same time he felt something else. A feeling that told him that even if it were possible, he didn’t want Elise to change at all.
“It’s great, right?” Elise asked.
“I… I don’t know, Elise,” Aileron sighed, feeling defeated. He just couldn’t be supportive if his own heart wasn’t in it. “Why should you have to change anything about yourself? There’s… there’s nothing wrong with you.”
“But… there is. Just because of a car accident when I was a little girl I’ve been like this… if there’s a way to fix it now after all these years, shouldn’t I be happy about it?”
“You mean… you’re not happy?” Aileron asked.
“I… I don’t know,” Elise said in a tone that Aileron had never heard from her. She seemed frustrated, but at the same time very sad. She clenched her fists at her sides and closed her eyes, suddenly fighting back tears. “I should be happy about it… but… but…” her voice broke and a sob escaped her. Clenching her teeth she tried desperately to keep her composure.
“Elise,” Aileron said, not knowing what else to say. He reached out and took her hands in his own and gave them a comforting squeeze. Elise looked up into his eyes for a moment, then suddenly broke down in tears. She sobbed heavily and fell against Aileron’s chest, wrapping her arms around him as tight as she could. Aileron held her as she uncontrollably sobbed into his chest.
“Damn it,” Elise said, her voice muffled. Aileron was surprised at the first thing he had ever heard her say that even vaguely resembled a curse.
“Elise… I love you, no matter what you decide,” Aileron replied. However, he couldn’t just leave it at that. He knew that if he didn’t come clean with her now he might regret it for the rest of his life. “… And also… well…”
“What?” Elise looked up while dabbing at her tear filled eyes with one fist.
“I… well,” he sighed, then scratched his head, “I don’t really know how to say this.”
“Just tell me,” Elise urged.
“If you want my opinion… my real, actual, true opinion…” he trailed off, hesitating. Elise nodded her head beseechingly. “Well,” Aileron continued, “to be honest, I don’t want you to stop… wearing diapers, that is.”
“You…” Elise’s eyes grew wide, “you don’t?”
“No, I don’t. I… well… I like that you wear them. I mean… I think you’re really cute and I…” Aileron stammered, his face feeling very, very hot. He forced himself to continue, “I… like changing you, too. It makes me feel really close to you when you let me take care of you, and I don’t want to let that go.”
“Really?” Elise asked kind of dubiously. Aileron sighed, feeling kind of ashamed of himself. He hung his head and replied.
“Yeah, it’s how I really feel. Sorry if that’s weird.”
“No… it’s…” Elise bit her lower lip, “… would if be weird if secretly… I… felt the same way?”
Aileron looked up, his mouth open a bit and his eyes showing his surprise. After a few moments, he replied.
“Well… I…I don’t know… but if we both feel the same way…
then who cares if it’s weird or not?”
“I… guess you’re right,” Elise replied.
“What is normal anyway?” Aileron asked. “We’re better than normal… we’re… we’re…,” Aileron sighed, though it came out as more of a huff, then said in a strong voice, “We’re ‘Aileron and Elise’, damn it!”
There was a silence that followed that impromptu and awkward statement. For a moment, they just looked at one another, neither of the two sure of how to continue. Then, Elise just couldn’t contain herself any longer. She suddenly laughed out loud at his oddball statement. Aileron couldn’t help but join her, and they laughed together for the first time that day. As funny as the statement had come off as, Elise found a strange truth in it. It was true that they weren’t what was considered a ‘normal’ couple, but neither of them were ‘normal’ people. However, that didn’t carry a negative connotation. They weren’t normal… but in a way of looking at it, they were much better than normal. Elise didn’t fully comprehend it herself, but she knew that the sadness and indecision that she had previously felt was completely gone. Now, she was content. Safely in the arms of her lover, and securely in a soft diaper.
Elise thought a moment, and glanced down toward her legs, then back up into Aileron’s eyes.
“I don’t suppose we could… go somewhere even more private for a few minutes,” Elise asked. Aileron looked at her quizzically.
“What for, my dear?”
“Well,” Elise couldn’t help but smile when she said this. It was the first time she could ever remember being this happy at what she was about to say, “I’m wet. Will you change me?”
Aileron smiled at her and nodded once.
“My pleasure, babe.”
End of Part 1