On the Run Ch 3

CHAPTER 3
When she finally woke up they were 250 miles from the city, she groaned as she came to life.
“Morning sleepyhead, you slept a long time”
“How are you feeling now? ,you seemed not well. Maybe it was all too much, the being on the news, then the sudden changes” John said
She looked around “why am I in a baby seat??” fiddling with the latch.
“Because it’s the law…anyone under 12 or under 70lb has to be in a car seat, and is that not more comfortable than the booster cushion you used to use, to see out the windows
She seemed to think about that as she asked “where are we?”
“We are a long way from the city,I have an idea where to head to, but I think we should take our time, make it a road trip, stay on the move till we have got used to our roles”
“Now I bet you are hungry, thirsty and need to pee, I just saw a sign for McDonalds up ahead, we will stop there”
She replied “Yes, and I need my medication, what is all the stuff back here?”
John smiled at her
“I have your pills here, I will take them with us, and you can take them with your meal, and I put some toys etc back there as dressing, sort of things a girl would have, your doggy, which I kicked around the room to give it that not brand new look, and in the back pack is stuff to do, coloring books, crayons books to read, you keep saying you wanted to read the Harry Potter books, so I have the first two in there”

“I think the doggy is cute, but if you want something different, I will buy you another friend” John said smiling back at her in the mirror
She seemed to accept this and said” no, that’s ok”
John pulled into the car park of the Mc Donald’s and parked, he took off his seat belt and turned around to look at her
“Now Emily, this is very important to remember, not only must you act like, sound like a child, I will have to treat you like one, so no getting upset, ,if you need to you can always hide behind being shy with people ok?”
“Yes I understand” she said with a grimace
“Yes I understand what? I asked
“Yes I understand daddy, now get me out of this seat. I can’t get it undone”
He got out of the car taking a cooler box with him.
He opened the back door, and reached in and unstrapped her “They are meant to be child proof, you have to press it just right” but did not show her how to release it.
Once she was out of the car he held her hand, asking before he locked it if she wanted to take anything with her, she shook her head.
She pulled her hand away from his. John said to her” You don’t have to hold my hand unless it’s appropriate, but don’t go off by yourself a little girl on her own, attracts attention, and we don’t want any kind of attention”
She nods in agreement.
They head to the McDonalds in the mall, and enter, heading first to the washrooms.
He kneels down and looks her in the eye and says in low tone
“Ok sugar, in you go, do what you need to, make sure to have a good wash, as you were asleep a long time, and I will too while you are in here, then I will wait here for you” He lowered his tone more “And if anyone comes in remember who you are, or just play the shy girl card”
“Yes daddy “she replied with a long pause between the two words.

After he done his business he waited for her, looking at the advertising for McDonalds latest promotion. A few minutes later Emily exited the washroom and went towards the tables.
After looking around John said to Emily hoping she would answer nicely
“Do want to sit at kiddy table or regular table with booster?”
She looked very torn at having to choose between sitting at the fake plastic tree base and toadstool seats or on a red plastic child’s booster seat.
“Proper table “
He took a booster seat from the rack taking note of the sign above saying that straps must be used, he discreetly pointed to draw Emily’s attention to it and and he heard her sigh. They went to a table by the window, as far from anyone as possible. He lifted her up and sat her on it, thinking how cute she looked but not saying it as he did up the lap strap.
“What would you like to eat?, it would probably be best to eat light as you have not seemed well ,I think maybe as little shock?”
“Chicken fingers, fries and juice’
John paused before he said “And what is the magic word?”
Emily scowled but said “please……daddy”
John went and ordered the food and came back a few minutes later with a coffee and bacon mcmuffin for himself and a chicken nugget happy meal for Emily
“There you go. Chicken fingers, fries and orange juice plus a toy”
She opened the box and took out a Barbie doll

“I hope you like it, they had several to choose from but I thought she has blonde hair like you, and every girl loves Barbies” he said with meaning
Emily just put it on the table and tucked into her meal in silence.
He took from his pocket a pill bottle and took out two capsules and gave them to her, she thinking they were her hormone pills, in fact they were a mix of her lithium, and two other drugs , Lamotrigine, which would cause a tendency to clumsiness, and a lack of dexterity, the other was Depot Lupron which while her development was stalled, just to be on safe side this would ensure puberty was on hold.
She swallowed them with her juice. He sat watching her eat, enjoying seeing her eat finger food.
When she had finished he took the garbage and put in trash, then undid her straps and lifted her to the floor and gave her doll to hold.
Before they left he put some ice in the cooler box, ”We will get some drinks and snacks for the car”

Re: On the Run Ch 3

I think that your writing genuinely is improving, interactions still seem a little forced and it still feels like you are rushing a bit, but you are improving for sure. One small readability thing is that It might not hurt to link to the previous chapter’s thread at the beginning of your chapters to make it easier for readers to navigate through if this gets long enough to be really scattered about. Keep up the good effort!

Re: On the Run Ch 3

Thank you, I do find it hard to do interaction,I originally in an early draft,(well I say early ,it was 1st and except for many hunts for typos ,what I am posting is 3rd) did inetraction as just line breaks but I got told I should indentify who is asying what,so now do he said/she said or varients which to my mind is repetitive. As to rushing I get what you are saying,but the story arc I have is very long [QUOTE=Paradoxx;68163]I think that your writing genuinely is improving, interactions still seem a little forced and it still feels like you are rushing a bit, but you are improving for sure. One small readability thing is that It might not hurt to link to the previous chapter’s thread at the beginning of your chapters to make it easier for readers to navigate through if this gets long enough to be really scattered about. Keep up the good effort![/QUOTE]

Re: On the Run Ch 3

Just because your story arc is long doesn’t mean you can’t take the time to get into intimate details and scenes and really flesh out the world you are writing. It is the mundane, seemingly normal and inconsequential stuff you weave into the world that really makes it feel real.