Never laugh of your sister

Stories Board Member Stories
1

Hi! this is a story that came across my mind few days ago hope you like it;)

PART 1:
Jessica was a 13 year old girl , she had blond hair and she looked like she was a 7 year old girl. Her little sister called Annie who just turned five was a very cute young girl which was a lil bit overprotected by her mother and father.

Jessica had been an only child for 8 years and she felt a bit apart when her sis was born wich made jess a bit more disobedient and jealous, her parents were very concerned about it , however they didn’t make anything to stop it. What nobody knew is what it was going to happen to her and how her life will change …

23 of June of 2008:

All the family went to an attraction park for the first week of holidays , It was the second day at the park and after going into all the attractions for kids they decided to go to the adult part.

-Jess- said her father Jeff.
-Could you please help annie to put her shoes on-
-Do I really have to do that!- said Jess wich was pretty annoyed of her sister as she could mount in mist if tje attractions she could as she was quite small.
-C’mon Jess help your lil sister- her mither said
-Okay , okay… I will help her -she said

Jess was quite bored that day she was annoyed of her sister as she was just as tall as her and she could just mount in all the lil kids rides.
-C’mon mom can we go to any adut atraccion- she asked
-Sure kiddo- said her dad
They looked for an attractionin which Jess could mount and they found ine calked trio to space , it was a roller coaster.
-Hey mom I think I can ride this one!!-
-Sure jyst go wiyh your father- her mom replied
-Hey mom can I go too??- Annie asked just like a puppy will do to get food
-Okay go with Jess-
-Cool!! Thank ywu mumwy !-
-You are kidding right?- Jessica said as she looked fiercly to her sister
-She has the same right as you to get into the roller coaster- her mom said ina serious mod
-Whathever- she replied

It was a quite normal ride , eventhough It was pretty soft Annie was really scared about it.

-Well I guess It wasn’t a bad ride - Jess told to her father
-Yhea it was a good one!!- he replied
-Daddy I’m scwared…- Annie said at the same time she began to pee her underwear, she tried to hide it but you could see the pee was dripping from her skirt and from her legs.
-Daddy I think I had an accident…- she said almost crying , some tears where dripping from her cheeks.
-Its okay kid accidents happen- fad said as she bagan to clean her daughter
-Ha!! What a baby she peed her pants!- Jess said trying to upset even mire her sister
-hey Jess don’t laugh of your sister she is just five!!- her dad told her
-Whathever, little baby!!- Jess told her sis
-Jess you are getting grounded for this !!- her dad said angry

This one was gonna be a soft punishment, however, It wasn’t foing to be what she expected…

Hey guys hope you liked this first part tell me If you want it to continue:)!!

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3

Re: Never laugh of your sister

I’m 99.9% sure this is a troll story.

I agree that the story reads as if English isn’t the author’s first language but I don’t think that’s the main issue with it.

My suspicions stem from, among other things, the same words being misspelled differently within the same sentence and typos that can’t have been done by accident given the positions of the letters on the keyboard.

All in all I had a good laugh reading this.

My favorite line:

I’d be scared too if my dad started to pee on my underwear.

Also:

You used the right “too”. Many serious authors can’t do that.

4

Re: Never laugh of your sister

I’ve just seen the mistake I made in that part​:joy::joy:, yhea its pretty funny , the worst thing is that I made it by mistake​:joy:

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5

Re: Never laugh of your sister

Thanks for the advice!!:blush:, I agree tht this story needs some huge editing, english is not my first lenguage , about what you said It is too short I agree with you I just posted it in order to know If I should keep on with the story , maybe It would be better calling it prologue

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6

Re: Never laugh of your sister

Hello, not sure if my particular advice is welcome here, but if it’s one thing that I hate in stories, it’s this massive exposition dump such as what you got right at the start.

For example…

“Jessica was a 13 year old girl , she had blond hair and she looked like she was a 7 year old girl. Her little sister called Annie who just turned five was a very cute young girl which was a lil bit overprotected by her mother and father”

You can actually show us quite a bit about a character through actions without having this annoying exposition dump. As an example…

“Trina pushed a few rebellious strands of her dark brown hair out of her blue eyes as she struggled to make it out of the much too crowded Metro.”

This is just an on the spot example, you can do a much better job of it if you put effort into it, I’m sure. But, as you can see, I’ve already established a few things about the character, as well as the setting, without actually “telling” you.

(Also I’m sorry I didn’t actually specifically quote it, I couldn’t figure it out without quoting the entire thing :l)

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Re: Never laugh of your sister

Thanks for the advice I will try to follow it . It is true that tha mist of the writers do that😂

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8

Re: Never laugh of your sister

I think the bigger problem here is that you’re texting this story, not writing it.

You typed it on your phone. That’s not a conducive medium to reflective, thoughtful story writing.