I am going to try and get done with this story this summer.
Kelly came upstairs after she was done fighting with our dad. I was tossing all her clothes in Brian’s old bedroom.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“You want your own bedroom and don’t want to share with your “retarded sister” so there you go,” I yelled as I tossed her things in there. “You can sleep in Brian’s old bedroom and I will stop ruining your precious life.”
“What are you talking about?” Kelly asked.
“I read your paper you left lying on the floor,” I yelled.
“The paper you wrote for school,” then I said in a different tone. “My Dysfunctional Family.”
“You were in my stuff again?” Kelly yelled.
“It was on the floor and you wrote lies about me,” I yelled. “You’re just a terrible sister.”
“I wrote the truth,” Kelly yelled. “The truth hurts doesn’t it Natalie. You are a selfish sister and why can’t you just be normal and stop acting like a child, stop being so retarded.”
“Why can’t you stop being a dumb blonde?” I yelled back.
“See there you go again, the name calling because I don’t agree with you.”
“Hey hey hey,” Dad yelled when he and Mom came in our room. “What is going on here?”
“She was in my stuff again and now she is throwing all my things in Brian’s bedroom,” said Kelly.
“She thinks I’m retarded and hates me and she wants her own bedroom so I am giving her it and she thinks I am so selfish but I am giving her her own room so how does that make me selfish?” I yelled.
“What?” Dad asked.
“Look at what she wrote about us,” I said pointing at Kelly.
Mom and Dad looked at Kelly. “What did you write?” he asked.
“It was just a school assignment about our family,” said Kelly.
“Let us see it,” said Dad.
“It was just a rant,” said Kelly.
“Let me see it,” Dad shouted
Kelly looked through her school work looking for it. I pointed to the wrinkled up paper on the floor. “It’s that one,” I said. Dad picked it up and unwrinkled it. Mom and Dad started to read it. Kelly stopped looking for her paper.
Then the phone rang.
“Get the phone please,” Dad told Mom.
Mom left our bedroom to answer the phone.
Dad kept on reading.
“Oh Kelly, your wrote very negative stuff about this whole family insulting your sister and don’t say anything good about the rest of us. You hardly said anything about Brian and you exaggerated our problems,” said Dad.
“I did not exaggerate,” said Kelly.
“Calling your sister retarded? That isn’t nice,” said Dad.
“It’s a figure of speech,” said Kelly.
“Figure of speech? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means she’s annoying.”
“Well not in this house it’s not a figure of speech and I don’t want to hear that word out of your mouth ever again or see it on paper and I don’t ever want you to call your sister that ever again. I don’t want you calling anyone else that word either.”
Dad kept on reading and then he started yelling at her again. “You wrote this about Natalie? Wishing she died in the car accident? What in the hell is the matter with you? And calling us all retards? Jesus Kelly and you wrote this for school and the teacher gives you a B for it? Or maybe she gave you an F and you turned it into a B.” Dad covered part of the B and it looked like an F. “See this?”
Matthew came to our bedroom.
“What did Kelly write? What did Kelly write?” Matthew asked.
“Nothing Matthew, don’t worry about it. Not your concern,” said Dad.
“She wrote how dysfunctional this whole family is and what an embarrassment we all are-,” I started saying but Dad interrupted me.
“Natalie, I just told him to not worry about it and I don’t want you telling him what she wrote,” he yelled. “I don’t want you ever telling him, not today, not tomorrow, never.”
“I hate this whole family, why can’t everyone be normal?” Kelly yelled.
“We are doing the best we can and we are normal as we can get,” Dad yelled back.
“Then stop drinking,” said Kelly. “Start coming home like you used to.”
“And have more fighting?” Dad asked.
“Stop drinking and maybe you won’t fight anymore. There was less fighting when Brian was here.”
“You wrote in the paper Mom and him fought all the time and then when he moved out we had been fighting,” Dad pointed out.
“Stop fighting too,” said Kelly.
“Jesus Kelly, everyone fights, you and Natalie fight all the time too and so do you and Matthew.”
“But we’re sisters and brother, we’re supposed to, you and Mom are supposed to get along and not fight often.”
“Glen,” Mom called from their bedroom. “Kelly’s homeroom teacher is one the phone; I need you to talk to her.”
“Hold on,” Dad called and then he turned his head back to us. “Natalie, go get you sister’s stuff out of Brian’s bedroom and bring it back in here,” Dad told me. “Kelly, we will discuss more of this later,” he told her.
He went in their room. Matthew left our room.
I didn’t know what to do next. I couldn’t look at Kelly the same way as I used to. Not since I have read that paper. I was an embarrassment to her and she hated me and thinks I’m retarded. She wished I died in the car wreck instead of surviving. If I were normal, then she wouldn’t hate me and think lies about me. Why do people keep saying I only care about myself and think I’m selfish? I also won’t be asking her anymore about stuff. Mom doesn’t know lot of things when I ask her about people so I always asked Kelly. But she thinks they are stupid questions and thinks I ask too much and I thought she was a great sister but I was wrong. I didn’t want to share a room with her either, not anymore. Before, I just wished I could have my own room again and now I really wanted it. Then I wouldn’t annoy her anymore with my “retarded” ness and me playing video games and doing computer and she does the same things all the time too; chatting to her friends online and doing her homework on her bed, talking on the phone to her friends, going to their houses. Why is it that whenever I do the same things other kids do, it’s a problem but when they do it, it’s not a problem? They can interrupt, I can’t. They can hug people, I can’t. They can kiss people, I can’t. They can misbehave, I can’t. They can break rules, I can’t. They can act goofy and silly, I can’t. They can rock in their chairs, I can’t. They can do things like listen to music or doodle but when I play my Game Boy or bring James Bond trivia cards to school, kids make a big deal out of it. Plus why can they ask rude questions and I can’t? I was told it’s a personal question to ask people when they started their period and it’s rude to ask but yet other kids have asked me that and when I do that too I get told “Natalie that is a rude question, it’s none of your business.” Plus even papers ask you that too when you join school sports. They ask you when you started to menstruate. Plus when I try and join in conversations, kids tell me to be quiet and tell me I talk too much and tell me I butt into conversations but other kids do it too, why can’t I? This is why I can’t even be normal. People treat me too different.
“Dad says to bring my stuff back to our room,” said Kelly.
“You want your own room,” I said. “Go keep moving your stuff in there.”
“Then you move in there and bring my stuff back and put your stuff in there.”
“I’m too selfish to do it,” I said. Since she thinks I am selfish, I will be selfish. “Besides it was my room first before you moved in so you move in there,” I shouted.
Kelly went in our closet and grabbed some of my clothes. “Fine, then I will evict you,” and she left my bedroom. She came back and grabbed more of my clothes and took them out of my room. I realized what she was doing.
I went after her and tried grabbing my clothes from her. Kelly kept a hold of them and I kept trying to get them out of her arms.
“Hey let go,” I yelled.
“You always wanted your own room, now you are getting it, go sleep in Brian’s room,” and she tossed them in there.
She went back to our room and tried grabbing more of my clothes but I grabbed her and got on her back.
“Let go of me,” she yelled.
I didn’t let go so I stayed on her. Kelly pinched me so I pulled her hair.
“What is going on here?” Mom asked when she came in our bedroom.
“Natalie won’t get off me,” said Kelly.
“She is throwing my clothes in Brian’s old bedroom,” I said.
“She wants her own room,” said Kelly.
“You don’t want a room with a retard,” I reminded her.
“Kelly, I read what you wrote about us and I am not very happy with you,” said Mom. “Your homeroom teacher just called and told us about it too and she wants to arrange a meeting. And wishing your sister dead? What is wrong with you? So I am a mean mother huh? I don’t care about you? I don’t ever come to your games when I have? I am cold hearted when I have fought for your education and Natalie’s and Matthew’s? I’m abusive?”
“See there you go again proving my point, not caring about my feelings and not seeing my side,” said Kelly.
“That was slander you wrote,” Mom yelled. “Would you like it if someone wrote about you being stupid or being a dumb blonde? How are you going to take that so well and positively?”
“What about my feelings?” Kelly yelled. “Don’t they matter to you?”
“Yes they do but it’s what you wrote that matters. You’re grounded.”
“What? For my feelings?”
“No, for the crap you wrote about this whole family. So this is how you feel about us huh? Fine, I can’t believe I have a bigoted narrow minded daughter. I didn’t raise you to be that way. You’re grounded until I decide you are not anymore.”
“Thanks a lot Natalie,” Kelly told me.
“You shouldn’t have left it lying on the floor,” I said.
“Kelly since you want your own bedroom so bad, why don’t you move in there,” Mom yelled pointing to his room.
“I don’t like sports,” said Kelly.
Brian has up sport wall paper.
“So, you wrote the nasty paper, go move in there.”
I left the bedroom and went in Brian’s room and got my clothes and brought them back.
Dad came out of the master bedroom and came in my bedroom. “Okay, we will be meeting with Kelly’s teacher’s tomorrow right after school. Kelly, you will be there with us so you won’t be going home on the bus.”
“This sucks,” said Kelly.
“She also suggested school counseling may help.”
“What? Now I have to see a therapist now because of you guys?” Kelly yelled.
“Kelly, this will help you get your feelings out and rant. Seeing someone does not mean you are broken or that you have something wrong with you,” said Dad.
“This is retarded-”
“Hey, what did I just say about that word?” Dad yelled.
“This is-this sucks. Why are we the ones with the problems when we live in a broken home? ‘Oh you’re depressed, here are some pills so you can be all nice and happy and shut out your feelings that are wrong because it’s not their fault.’”
“No, that’s not it,” said Dad.
Fighting was going on again except it was Mom and Dad vs Kelly, not Mom and Dad fighting.
“Mom said I was grounded until she decided I am not anymore,” Kelly cried.
“I am going along with her this time,” said Dad.
“What?” Kelly shouted.
“You chose to write some nasty things in there, deal with it,” said Dad and he left the room.
“Thanks a lot Natalie,” Kelly told me again.
“You shouldn’t have left it lying on the floor,” I said again.
“Don’t let Matthew see it,” said Mom and she left the room.
Kelly started grabbing my clothes out of the closet again and throwing them in the hallway.
“Hey what are you doing?” I yelled.
“We have both wanted our own room so I am kicking you into Brian’s old bedroom.”
“Hey that wasn’t the bet,” I said.
“I changed my mind, get out.”
Kelly kept grabbing for my things but I jumped on her back. She tried to push me off.
Then we both fell on the floor. I stayed on top of her. Mom and Dad came back.
“What is going on here?” Dad yelled again. “Why are your clothes in the hallway?”
“Kelly threw them out there,” I said.
“Hold it, stop it you two, Natalie, off your sister, Kelly, get up.”
I stopped and got off my sister.
“Okay what are you doing now?” Dad asked.
“I want her out of my bedroom,” said Kelly.
“Because she went through my personal stuff and I am tired of this room smelling like piss.”
“Okay, we will buy some air fresheners, how is that?”
“No I don’t want her in my room. Brian is never coming back because he was able to get out finally.”
“No he got out because he got a girlfriend and wanted to live with her and split their cost so they could both live on their own.”
“Well he was just saying that to be polite because he didn’t want to hurt your guy’s feelings. He told me the real reason why he moved out was because he was sick of being your pet and having to referee and got sick of Mom insulting him and putting him down when he doesn’t agree with her views and she wouldn’t tolerate his own opinions. She takes everything as an attack when you don’t agree with her. She takes everything as criticism. You’re not allowed to have feelings if they are ‘wrong’.”
Mom left the room in tears.
“When did he tell you this?”
“At the end of August. I just never told you until now. He knew it would upset you guys so he told me trusting me I wouldn’t tell you guys but the cat is out of the bag. Now he will be mad at me too.”
I was expecting Dad to be mad but instead he hugged her. “Kelly Kelly. I know it must be tough living in a family with problems. Everyone in this house has a disability I know. Yeah you’re right, we are dysfunctional, so are you. So is Uncle John, so is the rest of Mom’s family, so is mine. They all have their own set of problems even if all of them don’t have a disability or mental illness. Every family has problems.”
“But not like this. I don’t know anyone else that has a family with so many problems. This feels like Malcolm in the Middle and I am Malcolm and Mom is Lois, you are Hal, Natalie is Reese, and Matthew is Dewey. Brian is Francis.”
“What’s Malcolm in the Middle?” Dad asked.
“TV show,” said Kelly.
“I think we really should get you some counseling,” Dad told her. “So you will be happier and learn to accept this and cope in this family.”
Kelly pushed away from him. “What? I have to put up with this and I have to get counseling just so I can learn to shut away my feelings and pretend they don’t exist just so you can all live your problems instead of trying to fix them?”
“No, it’s so you can express them and let it all out. You are just going through a tough stage; you’re almost thirteen so it’s very hard being a teenager. All of a sudden, it matters how different we are. Natalie wishes she was normal and she used to not care about that until she hit puberty.”
“This has nothing to do with me growing up. I have just realized how abnormal we all are. Mom has always embarrassed me and so have you. Now Natalie embarrasses me because she can’t stop acting so rude and saying inappropriate things and she goes on and on about stuff and she can’t even read people. You have to tell her everything.”
“And why is that bad?” Dad asked.
“Because it’s embarrassing and she comes off as rude because of it and acts like she ignores people and she acts like she doesn’t even care.”
“Well I’m sorry Kelly, we all do our personal best, Mom has been to doctors in the past and is on medicine, I am on it, Matthew gets therapy, Natalie has gotten it and how much more can you ask? If we all stopped taking our medicine, then imagine what this whole family be like? Imagine if we never helped Natalie and we just left her the way she is after the car wreck and let them put her in that class, she be “autistic.” You have no idea what your mother and I have been through because we don’t tell you kids everything. You’re just assuming we do nothing about it because no one in this house is perfect. We got you help too for your disability and imagine how hard it would be for you today if we ignored it and let you struggle in school?”
“I would probably be dysfunctional as my sister,” said Kelly.
“Hey,” said Dad, “let’s not go there. Besides I talked to her about going to a different school that is for kids like her and she liked the idea. Would that be good enough for you? It won’t guarantee it will make her good enough for you. We could put Matthew in that school too but he is doing okay at his school and he is still too young for the school because it’s for grades sixth through twelfth. Besides if you are going to keep calling us all dysfunctional, you are too because of what you wrote and your lack of understanding. Lot of people are dysfunctional. The kids at your school are if they have to tease you about us and Natalie’s school principal is too and so are the kids at her school.”
“I don’t understand why it’s so acceptable to say those things about a normal person but yet if you say it about someone with a disability or mental illness,” then her tone of voice changed, “oh no you are a horrible person, how dare you feel that way, how dare you be frustrated and depressed, how dare you be unhappy. Get over it and shut those feelings off and put them aside?” said Kelly.
“No that isn’t it. It was what you wrote,” said Dad. “That is something you tell a counselor about or a therapist if you are feeling that way,” said Dad.
“So I have to shut up and only talk about it to a counselor like school counselor? It’s so unfair,” said Kelly. “Even my own teacher thinks I should get it too because of what I wrote. She was also disappointed in me but told me I was very honest with my feelings and I am entitled to them but suggested maybe counseling would work and it must be very hard living in a family with problems and having a Dad with OCD and she gave me an F.”
“Life isn’t fair,” said Dad. “I think you should go see the school counselor and if that isn’t enough, we can get you real counseling. Now I want you to pick up the clothes out there you threw. I don’t want you throwing anything else out of this room, you got it?” said Dad as he left the room. “The last person who throws stuff out of this room sleeps in Brian’s bedroom,” he said in the hallway.
Kelly looked at me. I gave her the finger.
“Dad, Natalie flipped me off,” she shouted.
“I don’t wanna hear it,” Dad yelled.
“Mom,” Kelly called as she went in the hallway. “Mom?”
I went to the bookcase and grabbed what I was getting and went to the master bedroom.
“I don’t wanna hear it,” Mom yelled. “Get out, shoo.”
“She gets away with everything,” Kelly yelled and she flipped me off.
“Hey” Mom yelled.
“She flipped me off and now we’re even.”
Kelly left the bedroom and I turned the TV back on.
“She’s a dumb blonde isn’t she Mom,” I said.
“Certainly is,” Mom agreed.
Things between Mom and Kelly were not the same. Mom just ignored her and wouldn’t talk to her, except for parent stuff like telling her to get up for school, telling her to eat breakfast, that she will miss the bus if she doesn’t get a move on. When Kelly talked back to her telling her she is going the fast she can and saying if she can be even more impatient. Mom told her “Yeah I can because I am a mean mother remember?”
Then I heard a slap. “Don’t you dare talk to me that way young lady,” Mom yelled.
Last night, Mom never left her room because she was so upset. Dad even had to get her dressed in her pajamas. I heard him saying something like "“let’s get these off you” “Let’s get you changed” “Let’s get this on you.”
Now today she seemed better because she did leave her room. She had to just to get Kelly up for school.
I just spent my whole day off from school again as normal. Reading stories on the internet again about people wearing diapers. I was already out of Molicare diapers almost. That is how fast I go through diapers. More diapers did come that day because I saw the box sitting in the entry way Mom brought inside. They were addressed to my parents but I knew they were my diapers because they always come in a big box. I carried it upstairs and took it to my room and opened it. I used a pen to cut through the tape and then I ripped the rest open. I took the diapers out and stacked them neatly in my closet and did the computer more.
Mom did leave and I was home alone. She told me she was going to Kelly’s school for her meeting and then Matthew’s. I stayed hidden in the home and never came out. I heard voices outside so I looked out the window and I spotted Bobbi Manette with other neighborhood kids from my school. They all had their bags with them and had just gotten off the bus it looked like. I just closed the curtain and got back on the computer. I still looked out the window to see if they were still there and they were. They just stood on the sidewalk across the street talking very loud. I opened the window to hear what they were saying. They didn’t even turn their heads at me.
“I wonder where she has been?” I heard Scott say.
“I hear she got arrested and went to jail,” said Bobbi.
“She hasn’t even been in school all week,” said Scott.
“I saw her jaywalking and got pulled over by a cop,” said Jason.
“She went to jail for jaywalking?” Bobbi asked.
“I thought they only gave you a ticket for that,” said Travis.
“They do but she got arrested for it, how retarded,” said Andy.
“She has mental problems,” said Jason.
“Maybe it is good she is locked up,” said Scott.
“For mental problems?” Bobbi asked. “They will mind as well lock up my Bipolar Aunt.”
There was more talking and then one of them said
“She has always been that weird.”
“I hear the car accident stunted her growth.”
“Is that why she wears…” Bobbi asked.
“Yeah I hear she was out of them.”
“She ain’t capable of empathy and caring for others and being with people and knowing how to get people to notice her.”
“I hear her mom has mental problems too so it makes me wonder if the accident had little to do with it.”
“I hear she has been hospitalized a few times, I wonder if that is where she went now?”
“She will end up in the asylum, no way will she be able to take care of herself and survive the world on her own.”
“Her mother isn’t there.”
They started walking again.
“How can anyone marry someone that crazy,” said Scott.
“I hear the dad is crazy too,” said one of them.
“I bet she is autistic,” I thought I heard.
“No she can talk. They’re all mute.”
“The guy in Rain Man talks.”
“She is too mental to be autistic. They aren’t crazy like her.”
“She acts like it.”
They kept on talking and it was harder to understand them. I saw Bobbi walk to her house and the rest walked on.
I wonder if they were talking about me or my mother. Only she has been in the hospital a few times, not me. Brian went to one once in his teens when he threatened to kill himself. When I think about it, I do remember going to this one hospital after the car accident and they had a room with toys and books and I remember playing in there every time. Mom and Dad would take me there and I remember being carried out of there and to the car or be carried inside. I never spent the night there. I would be there in the day time for a few hours and then leave. We went there a lot and then we quit going there.
I closed the window and poop went in my diaper again. More came out and I just sat down again. I was only in this diaper for five hours. The poop squished around in there and on my bottom. I went back to reading a diaper story.
Mom and Dad came home around four with Matthew and Kelly. Kelly came in our room and right away she sighed. Then finally she took something out of the bag and opened it and it was some plug thing and she put something in it and she plugged it in the wall where our video game system is. “Mom is still giving me the silent treatment,” she said. “Mom and Dad bought us an air freshener for this room.”
I refused to talk to her so I pretended Kelly wasn’t in the room. I heard someone leaving again. I kept on reading and then finally Kelly said to me “Jesus Natalie, why do you have to stay in your messy diaper? It stinks.”
I ignored her. Kelly finally moved out of the room with her homework. I eventually changed my diaper because it got uncomfortable and I was finally able to make myself do it. I rinsed myself off in the tub and put on a clean Molicare. I put my pants back on and tossed the messy diaper away. I noticed the scent in our room from the air freshener.
When dinner time came, Mom called Matthew and me down for dinner.
“What about Kelly?” I asked when I came down.
“She can help herself, after all I am a mean mother and only care about myself,” and Mom laughed.
“Where is Dad?” I asked.
“I don’t know, he said he wanted to get out of the house and just drive around,” said Mom.
There were even four plates at the table instead of five. Kelly just came down and noticed four plates and rolled her eyes. “This game again you’re playing huh?” she said. “Okay I will play your little game. I do not care if I get this silent treatment. I am not sorry for what I wrote and for how I feel. So carry on, ignore me, even if it means for the rest of your life. I won’t let this bother me.”
“What game?” Matthew asked.
“Mom gives you the silent treatment when you don’t agree with her or share the same views as her until you say you are wrong and apologize and bam she is speaking to you again. So retarded.”
I wonder how it was retarded but I remembered I was giving her the silent treatment too.
“Kelly wrote bad things about us in the paper,” I said.
“Natalie,” said Mom. “Don’t tell him.”
“What did she write?” Matthew asked.
“Don’t worry about it,” Mom told him. “You do not want to know.”
“I wrote how dysfunctional this whole family is, all you guys ever-”
“Kelly,” Mom yelled.
“Good, I broke your silent treatment,” said Kelly. “Now I am going to grab this plate and get my own food you made.”
Kelly picked up Dad’s plate and helped herself to some food Mom made.
Mom didn’t say anything. She sat down in a different spot.
“Mom, why are you ignoring Kelly?” Matthew asked.
“Because she wrote something very hurtful about all of us and I am not going to tell you. So she thinks I am mean and abusive and thinks I don’t care about her. I will show her then.”
“Mom wants everything to go her way,” said Kelly. “It’s her way or the highway, she thinks she is always right, it’s all or nothing for her, if you don’t agree with her, she gives you the silent treatment. So retarded. She embarrasses me because she wears clothes that are out of style, she gets mad if you dare to interrupt her routine, she breaks down in public like a retard and acts all retarded, she says things that are not appropriate, you’re not allowed to your own opinion or feelings.”
“Go to your room Kelly and don’t come out for the rest of the evening,” Mom yelled.
“Well I got her to talk again. I just have to say bad things about her to get her to speak to me,” said Kelly as she took her food and went upstairs.
“Jesus, what has gotten into her?” said Mom. “She has never used that word.”
“I bet she is still mad,” I said.
“Kids, must be her teens she is reaching.”
After dinner, I saw Kelly was not in her room. “She is going to have to speak to me if she wants me to follow her rules,” she said.
Kelly was sure being bad. Mmm maybe if Mom gives me the silent treatment, I can do what Kelly does, try and get her to speak to me by doing things that would make her respond like maybe if I let my diaper leak or don’t take my shoes off or just leave them lying around, leave my dirty bowl on the table, don’t get out of bed for school. Anything that would make a parent talk when their kid does something wrong. Mom has never given me one yet. But I know she has given Brian one plenty of times when he lived here. She has done it to Dad too but not to Matthew yet either. Dad says it’s because I don’t challenge her so she doesn’t get upset giving me the silent treatment.
I watched some TV in the master bedroom playing my Game Boy. Dad still wasn’t home.
Gee I wonder where he is. I wasn’t sure what Kelly was doing but I didn’t care.
Around seven, the phone rang. Mom answered it. I saw her talk and then she didn’t sound happy. “Okay, thanks for telling me,” she said.
She hung up and then I heard her cursing under her breath.
“What’s wrong Mom?” I asked.
“Daddy’s been a very bad boy,” she said.