Not as tough as I thought it would be but I had a little help from Background because I asked him some police questions to try and make this accurate. Just fucked up officers they have so I decided to leave it the way it is.
I woke up on the cell floor. I think I had passed out. I could actually see again. This was not a dream, this was all real. It was really happening. I was still in my messy diaper and I was unsure how long it had been now. I felt myself urinating when I stood up. My diaper felt really wet. I didn’t know I had gone this much. I then started to yell again. No one came. I was afraid of leaking and it couldn’t happen here. I wished I had put two on instead of one. I wished I could go back in time and hold Matthew’s hand or something or keep watching him as I walked and not assume he was behind me. I was a horrible baby sitter.
Then the door opened again and another set of officers came in with another teen I had never seen before. She wasn’t even in cuffs and they opened the cell and she walked right in. They closed it. “Your parents are on their way, you have some explaining to do young lady,” and they locked the cell and left again.
The teen waved her hand in front of her face. “It smells like shit in here, when did they last clean the toilet?”
“What are you in here for?” she asked me.
“They thought I was drinking,” I said.
“I shoplifted,” she said.
“Why?” I asked.
“It was a little thing so I didn’t see it as a big deal if I took it but the store is so retarded, they care about a nine nine cent candy bar so they had to have me arrested and they called my parents too.”
“I haven’t seen you around,” I said.“Where are you from?”
“Here,” she said. “I go to Saltwater Junior High.”
“How long have you lived here?” I asked.
“Two years. We moved here from Montana. What about you?”
“We moved here from California,” I replied.“But we lived in Portland for a few months.”
“When I was about three months and then I was nine months when we moved to this town.”
“So you have been here your whole life.”
“How old are you?” I asked.
“Fourteen. I didn’t have my student ID either.”
“Which store did you steal from?”
“The gas station.Chevron. I was with my friends and they all took off when they arrested me so they got away.”
“Did they steal too?”
“No. Only me. But stealing little things is no big deal you know. It’s okay thing to do. Lot of stores don’t even care if you take small things. They only care if you take big things.”
“So you mean I can walk into a store and take any little things I want and put them in my pocket?”
“I am talking more like a candy bar or a ninety nine cent item. Nothing like a video game or a ten dollar item or medicine or hair spray or hair dye products, things like that.”
“So if the items are basically free, why even charge them?” I asked.
“They won’t make a big deal about it if they catch you because it’s only a dollar,” she said.
“You said ninety nine cents,” I corrected.
“Whatever. You don’t need to be exact.”
“So I can just take a bunch of ninety nine cent items?” I asked.
“No. Just one thing.”
This was all confusing for me. So shoplifting is okay? What things can we take without paying? Why even bother charging items if you can just take them?
“What thing are we allowed to take?” I asked.
“Items under a dollar.”
“How many of those can you take?”
“Few but not too much.”
“Why?” I asked.
“It all adds up and then it becomes a big deal to them.”
“So if we are allowed to take a few of them, why not be allowed to take items that cost a few dollars?” I asked.
“Because the item costs more than a dollar so they do make a big deal about it but they don’t care for a few cents or anything under a dollar.”
“This makes no sense, they will mind as well make them all free if they don’t even care.”
“That’s why the store is retarded. It was only one item I took and they are worried over losing ninety nine cents?”
“How does that make them retarded?” I asked.
“Because it was only ninety nine cents, I keep telling you that.”
“But what does that have to do with retarded people?”
“It doesn’t. I mean the store is stupid.”
“Why didn’t you say so?” I asked.
“I did. That is what retarded meant.”
“No it means mental retardation,” I corrected.
“Not anymore. It now also means stupid or dumb or lame or immature or slow.”
“Can I also take any item that cost less than ninety nine cents?” I asked.
“Duh,” said the teen. "Are you retarded understanding this?’
“I am not retarded,” I said. “Stealing is wrong. That’s what everyone says and the law. Steal, you go to jail.”
“Not unless you get away with it so it’s okay to do it just as long as you don’t get caught. Have you ever stolen anything before?”
“Yes,” I said.
“See, you have stolen, did you ever get caught?”
“By my mom and she always made me bring it back to school or take me back to the store and put it back.”
I had stolen when I was little, I have taken stuff home from school that weren’t mine and Mom would make me bring it back. I have taken small things from stores and Mom would take it back and she told me the time she made me pay for one of them and she gave it to someone else because she didn’t like to throw stuff away that is good. It was just a candy bar I took and I had opened it. Mom didn’t want to waste it. Then she told me I will go to jail if I don’t stop stealing. I stopped. I knew back then jail was a place people go for time out when they break a law and they keep you there and there are no toys and nothing to do in the cell. They make you do nothing. I have taken some things when I was older because I wanted the item so bad and liked it so much, I would take it and I got away with it. Then I would feel so guilty for what I did I would just get rid of the item. I haven’t taken anything since age twelve and it’s not something I did often. I have also done it on accident because I would put things in my pocket and then forget I even put it there. I wouldn’t know until days later or when we were home that day when I would happen to put my hand in there and feel the item. I was a criminal and I was bad. Maybe I did deserve to be in this cell. After all, criminals do get busted for crimes they did years ago and then they finally get arrested for it and go to prison. It doesn’t matter if they have been good since then. It doesn’t matter if I haven’t stolen anything since sixth grade. That would be 1997, the same year our original Nintendo quit working, the year GoldenEye007 game was released. The year the big hit movie Titanic was released. The year the new James Bond movie Tomorrow never Dies was released, it was released the same day as Titanic which was also on Kelly’s birthday. The year Spice World was made. The year Princess Diana died. The year we got back from London after visiting my Dad’s family. The year I was in sixth and seventh grade and the year I went to junior high for the first time and there were more kids in each grade because they came from another elementary school. My town has two elementary schools, one junior high, and one high school. The year I got my first period. The year the Disney Channel came to cable rather than having to pay for the channel separately. It was the last day of 1997 when it happened. The year I tried going away to summer camp but my dad had to come and get me because I got homesick. It felt worse than outdoor school. It was just the change is all and it was too much and the environment was different. Plus kids in my cabin were complaining about my diapers. I never tried summer camp again. I was better off with day camps because I could just go home that day and come back the next day. For some reason I just did better at day camps. Even I don’t understand everything about myself.
“Ooo, what items did you take,” the teen asked.
“Candy, these trading cards one time from the store, toys from school, this one necklace with a small notebook on it,” I said. There was more but it was too much to remember.
“Oooo, that was more than ninety nine cents, not good.”
“I was little,” I said in self defense.
The teen got closer to me but I backed away. I didn’t want her to know the foul odor was coming from me.
“C’mon, what’s wrong? I won’t bite,” she said.
“I don’t like people getting close,” I said.
Good lie I came up with so fast.
Then an officer arrived with a man and a woman. “Casey Hickman,” said the woman angrily. “I am very disappointed in you. Shoplifting? You are not going to the Bluebirds game at all.”
Bluebirds is the name of the Saltwater High School mascot for their boy teams. The girls are called the Bluebells and the boys are the Bluebirds.
“It was only ninety nine cents,” said Casey.
The officer unlocked the cell door and Casey walked out just as another load went in my diaper.
“I don’t care, stealing is stealing. I don’t care how cheap it was. Even if you steal an item that costs you a penny, it’s still stealing,” said her mother.
“That’s retarded, what kind of store is going to care if they lose one cent?” said Casey.
“When was the last time you had the toilet cleaned, it smells like shit?” she told the officer.
“Watch your language,” her mother told her.
“It smells like crap,” said Casey.
Her mother didn’t say anything this time.
“We clean it everyday,” said the officer…
“Well someone must have taken a huge crap in the potty, it was so gross and I refused to sit on it when I had to go so I had to hold it. Is there another bathroom I can use?”
“No,” said the officer.
“No video games either for the whole weekend,” said her dad as they left. “You were very lucky the gas station dropped the charges when I told them you were not going to that game…”
I stood here alone again in a messier diaper. Thank goodness it didn’t happen again when Casey was still here and she was just leaving when it happened. So she didn’t get the chance to figure out it was coming from me. I got upset again because I was still here and I was worried about missing James Bond and I missed my computer and video games. I always do those everyday. I felt like I was panicking again. I felt like I was kidnapped and tossed in a room where I was held hostage or captive. All I was doing was looking for my brother and then the officer stops me and thought I was drinking. I bet my poor balance is what made him think I was drunk. I know drinking can effect someone’s balance and it effects their vision too and their depth perception. I could never walk in a straight line very well and even when I did gymnastics before I even got in the car accident, I couldn’t stand on the high balance beams because they made me nervous and I always fell off so I had to walk on the low balance beams where I could fall off and get back on without worrying about getting hurt. This was so unfair. I basically got arrested for my disability. Poor balance is a disability right or part of whatever I have.
Casey was lucky she got to go home. Was I going to go home too? What was my mother going to say to me for losing track of Matthew?
I worried about my diaper leaking. I wasn’t sure when I was going to leak. It felt squishy in the middle and back from all the poo and I bet it was going to be a big mess to clean up. It felt like a big load. No way was I going to sit in it because I’m not at home. I could take the diaper off and sit on the toilet and wait but then where would I put the diaper? Messing myself was embarrassing enough and then standing in it with Casey here. Right now I wished I wasn’t incontinent. I hated it right now. I also hated being in a messy diaper and I didn’t like it at all. I then broke down and cried and kicked the bench and threw the cups and the roll of paper towels and then I pulled the water thing off the bench and the water spilled out went all over the floor. I kicked at the water jug. I wanted out now and I felt I was going crazy, literally. I didn’t know what to do with all these feelings inside so I was raging. I hate it when I get like this. I didn’t know why I was making a mess in here if the officers weren’t even here to see it. I wanted out of here and I knew raging wasn’t going to get me out because no one was here but me.
I felt a little calmer after I had raged. I thought about taking off my diaper and smearing the poop all over the walls to show them. But what stopped me was the embarrassment. I didn’t want to be seen butt naked and I was afraid of what the officers would do to me. I then kicked at the trash can. I kept kicking at it.
Why did Casey get better treatment than I? Her’s sounded more pleasant. They took her in and put her in the cell and her parents were on their way and I got brutal treatment. Mocked about my medical condition, not allowed to change out of my messy diaper, not allowed to call home, being asked if I am slow, being accused of not cooperating when I was, and being lied to. Maybe they just hate people who are different and if I were normal, I would have gotten the same treatment as Casey but maybe I wouldn’t have gotten arrested if I were normal. How did the officer know I was different when he stopped me? He had to know I was different before making me walk in a straight line. Great, now I am going to be picked on by the police too instead of only at school. Yes that was sarcasm. Why can’t they just leave us different people alone when we haven’t done anything wrong?
I waited more and cried. I even hit myself in the head and I did it several times and then I saw blackness and I screamed. I felt like killing myself because I couldn’t stand being here and not watching James Bond or playing video games or being on the computer. I was scared about not ever being able to see my home again and not ever watch GoldenEye or play the game or have my Game Boy or my James Bond trivia cards or play any video games or be on the computer or even read books. I had all these feeling inside me again and I didn’t know what to do with them. I wanted them to stop and I couldn’t get out of here. So I kicked the cups around and kicked at the trash can and kicked the water jug again. I even slipped on the spilled water but I was okay. I pulled my hair and screamed. I wonder how James Bond would escape? I wonder if he would have let them put him in this cell?
After being tortured more of being in this cell for a while and my bottom stinging and my butt itching and my tummy rumbling for food and my pants being wet from the floor, I heard the door open and Mom talking. She sounded mad. She came in with the same officer who had taken my mug shot and finger prints and asking me all these questions.
“Natalie,” Mom cried. “Oh my god. My baby.”
It looked like she had been crying. I bet she was so worried about me she cried and was having her breakdown from not being able to find me.
The officer opened the cell door saying “Sorry miss, our mistake. You’re free to go,” he told me. “Whoa, what a mess,” he said looking at the mess I made in the cell.
Mom had a stack of papers in her hand and she set them on the bench when she ran in the cell. She put her arms around me and hugged me tight. “Oh sweetie, Mommy’s here. Sorry I took so long but I’m here now. You must have been so scared.” She didn’t sound mad at me at all.
I put my arms around her and kept on crying. I was so glad she came. I felt safe in her arms. Mom rubbed my head and back. She looked upset and sounded happy to see me. I even felt real love from her. I don’t feel it often from her but this time I did.
“I didn’t think I was ever going to get out,” I said as I was crying.
“What have they done to you?” Mom cried. Then she sniffed her nose. “Did you poop? I could smell it right when I walked in.”
“They wouldn’t let me change,” I said. “And my skin is stinging and my butt itches.”
Mom stopped hugging me and looked towards the officer. “You guys made her stay in her messy diaper?!” she screamed. “What’s the matter with you?!” She sounded mad again.
“She was being disrespectful towards authority and respect is earned,” said the officer.
“How exactly was she being disrespectful?” Mom yelled.
“Being a smart ass, being all hostile.”
“She takes things literal, she’s even more literal when she is under lot of stress and has a harder time processing information so stopping her and arresting her and putting her in a different environment she has never been in, of course she will act all upset about it, especially when she didn’t even do anything wrong. And you want respect?”
“Does she usually have problems with anger?” the officer asked.
“Oh I see you have noticed,” Mom yelled. “But yet you wouldn’t even notice she has a disability and a medical problem?”
“They made fun of me about it,” I said.
“You made fun of her? Jesus what kind of police force is this? You mock people for wearing diapers? Some people have bladder problems you know or bowel problems so they need to wear them to keep their pants dry. Even I still need to wear them sometimes. As a matter of fact lot of people wear them. My youngest son wore them to bed until he was seven, her best friend wore them to bed when she was little,” Mom pointed her finger at me. “My oldest son’s girlfriend’s little sister wore them to bed until she was in third grade or on long road trips, my autistic brother wore them until his teens, one of my older brothers wore them to bed until he was eight, I wore them my whole life growing up and was only potty trained in the day time and did you know lot of women have bladder leakage after giving child birth so they have to do kegal exercise? Oh and her tutor wears them too,” Mom pointed at me again, “and it wouldn’t surprise me if women have worn them during their pregnancy because the baby pushes down on their bladder. Do you mock people in wheelchairs too or people who wear hearing aids or have asthma? Do you also mock autistic people or people with learning disabilities? How do you treat people with special needs? Like this? That’s so despicable. I’m reporting this,” Mom screamed.
“Ma’am this was just all a misunderstanding,” said the officer.
“Misunderstanding my ass,” Mom yelled. “You had no proof she was drinking and would you also have a hard time answering questions properly if you were under lot of stress of being stopped for no reason and then being taken in for no reason and then locked up so why are you even surprised she did this?” Mom pointed at the mess
“If she would have just remained calm instead of acting like she did something wrong-”
“She’s got a disability,” Mom shouted. “And you expect her to remain calm when she is in an unfamiliar situation? Especially when she gets very upset or is stressed out, she has a harder time processing information and is even more literal and then her body language is really hard to read so it may not match the inside of her intentions. That’s part of her disability.”
Mom picked the papers up and took me out of the cell. She still had her arm around me as we walked out.
“We didn’t know she had a condition,” the officer told us.
“I told you I did,” I said.
“She told you she did so you have no excuse,” Mom yelled. “Jesus, do we now need to make her wear something now telling the whole world what her problems are and make her carry a card around if people like you are going to be mistaking her as being drunk?”
“Actually she should if she can’t act normal,” said the officer.
“Normal? Do you have a narrow view on the word? If everyone were the same, life would be boring, and now thanks to you, she probably won’t want to be in town anymore on her own or be by herself out of our house. You have destroyed her. Congratulations.”
“Well, what would you like us to do?”
“Stop being assholes,” said Mom. “Get a better education about incontinence and learn some tolorance will you and for people with disabilities.”
“Ma’am, we’re trained to deal with criminals, we’re not psychiatrists so were aren’t going to know who has what unless they wear some medical bracelet or carry a card.”
“Baloney, I am sure a diaper is going to tell you they have a medical problem or are you too ignorant to figure that out? Did you not know about incontinence? Are you also too ignorant to know someone has a disability? Maybe you shouldn’t even be working in the police force if you still can’t figure it out and don’t know how to handle a case.”
“She didn’t tell us she had a disability, now will you just calm down-” the officer said again.
“Calm down? You arrested my daughter and you expect me to be calm? You made fun of her, made her stay in her messy diaper and you expect me to stay calm about this? I hate you and everyone else who did this. I don’t like you guys. You’re very lucky we’re in this room because if we were out there,” Mom pointed to the door. “I would be ripping the whole place apart.”
“No need to go mama bear on us.”
“Oh I will be a mama bear, you took my cub and harmed her,” Mom shouted.
“Ma’am we will also have you arrested if you don’t calm down.”
“Oh you’re going to arrest me now are you?” Mom yelled. “For what? Freedom of speech? As far as I know, it’s in our constitution and there is nothing in the law about what I am saying to you guys. So you are just going to throw your weight around just because you’re officers? You’re not real officers, you should be fired. Didn’t they properly train you guys? Go ahead, arrest me, I dare you.”
Mom held her arms up in front of her chest.
“I want to go home,” I said.
Mom loves to fight, she will yell at anyone who makes her mad and will say things to them. I think it’s awesome but I just wanted to go home, not stand here and watch her yell at the officer. Plus I didn’t want her to get arrested either or I would never go home. Plus I would be stuck in my messy diaper longer.
“You are interfering with duty of a police officer and doing disorderly conduct,” said the officer.
“Oh really? Did she smell like booze? Did you bother giving her the breathalyzer test? Did you even call us? Did you even bother searching her? Or are you guys the Keystone Cops?” Mom yelled again. “Oooo the Keystone Cops,” she said in a different tone of voice and she waved her hands in the air.
“Mom, I want to go home,” I said louder.
“We called but no one was home,” said the officer. “She acted like she was intoxicated and she didn’t look incontinent.”
Mom then lifted my shirt up and yanked my back to the officer and yelled “Does this look incontinent to you?”
“Whoa that is one big ugly scar,” said the officer.
Mom pulled my shirt back down, “You bet. I didn’t even know people with incontinence are supposed to have a different look,” she said. “I guess it’s amazing she still looks normal.”
Mom said ‘normal’ in a different tone of voice.
“Is she even in pain?” the officer asked.
“Actually no she’s not which is very amazing, she’s a very amazing girl. If she is, then she has never complained about it and she doesn’t even take pain medicine.”
Then another officer came in and handed us my coat and my backpack.
“Here is your stuff miss,” he said.
I took it from him. Mom took my backpack from me and pulled me back in the cell.
“I would like some privacy please so I can clean her up from the mess you made her stay in,” Mom told them.
“Can she do it herself?” the officer asked.
“Nope she can’t,” said Mom.
“So I guess it didn’t matter we left her in it.”
“I guess you never heard of medical staff,” said Mom as they left and closed the door.
“God such stupid officers,” she said.
She had me lie down on one of the benches. She pulled my pants down.
“What did they do you here?” she asked in her normal voice.
“Asked me questions, made fun of me, asked me if I’m slow, hurt my arms, wouldn’t let me change,” I said.
Mom took my diaper off and she used paper towels and got them wet and cleaned me up with them. “God, you even have a diaper rash starting. Those bastards. Did you bring rash cream?”
“No,” I said.
“I guess we would have to do without for now. Did they give you a breathalyzer test?”
“No,” I said.
“Man,” she said angrily. “They thought you were drinking and they arrest you but they didn’t bother giving you that test? Did they cuff you?”
“Did they take a mugshot of you or fingerprinted you?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Both of them?”
“Did they bring in anyone else while you were here?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Just a kid that goes to Kelly’s school and I never met her until now.”
“That’s it? Just one other person they arrested? Was she in this cell with you?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Did she notice the smell, how did she treat you?”
“Fine,” I said. “She thought the smell came from the toilet. But she got treated better than me. They brought her in and put her in here and said her parents were on their way and they came and got her out.”
“Oh god, so they treat the other kid better but they treated you like crap? Why do people have to be so mean to you? I’m reporting them for misconduct.”
“Because I’m different, different people always get treated bad,” I said. “Why?”
“Because people are jerks and closed minded,” said Mom. “But then you get used to it and you start staying away from them or start ignoring them and not let it bother you. But I am very lucky I don’t have to go out and deal with it because your father doesn’t mind me not working and he told me I could just stay home and not work and take care of the house and you kids and cook meals and grocery shop. Maybe you might get lucky too and find a guy who wouldn’t mind you being a housewife or a stay at home mom.”
“I hope,” I said.
Mom finished cleaning me up and threw the paper towels away and dried me off with the dry paper towels. She got out a clean diaper and put it under me. She taped it up and I pulled my pants back up. Mom just tossed my diaper in the trash. “They can take care of that themselves,” she said. She washed her hands and dried them off and we left the cell. I felt so much better being in a fresh diaper. I bet I looked retarded now to the officers because Mom had to change me. Maybe she did it to show them. I couldn’t remember the last time she changed my messy one, she had been telling me I had to do it on my own now because I’m fifteen and I need to learn to do it on my own because she will not always be around to do it for me, and some day I will be on my own. But I was glad she did it for me because it was a big mess. Messy ones were always hard for me to clean up. But at home I can just wash it all off.
Mom took me out in the office area.
“Good luck with the cell,” said Mom as we left.
I felt like a little kid because she held my hand. We got in the car. Matthew was in the back seat.
“Where did you go?” I asked.
“Here,” he said.
“No I mean where did you go while we were going back to the car after the parade, you took off,” I said.
“I just kept on walking back to the car and I decided to go the quickest way so I went through the alley to get to the car,” he said. “I thought you would get here too.”
“I was looking for you and I got arrested by some officer because he thought I was drinking,” I said.
Mom was sitting in the driver’s seat resting her head on the steering wheel with both hands on it.
“What was it like being arrested and going to jail? Did you meet any bad guys?” Matthew asked.
I still felt upset over the whole thing. I felt it was his fault he got me into this and I also thought it was mine for not being a better baby sitter. Was Mom mad at me?
“No I didn’t see any bad guys,” I said.
“What was jail like?”
“Just a normal room with benches, water, sink, toilet and trash can.”
“That was so cool you got arrested and went to jail,” said Matthew.
“No it wasn’t,” I yelled as our mother yelled, “Matthew, just shut up. You got your sister into this, you knew you were supposed to stay with her and you took off. I am very angry about all this. I take you two to see the parade and you can’t even stay together? Then Natalie gets arrested because some dumb ass officer thought she was drinking? We have the Keystone Cops.”
She then started to cry as she turned the car on and started to leave. I saw the time and it was only 8:25. I was in jail for about three hours. I didn’t know what time it was when the parade ended and when the officer took me to jail. James Bond was already on. I had missed the beginning .
“How did you know I was here?” I asked Mom.
“I can’t talk right now,” she cried. “I’m too upset. I just want to go home.”
I looked at the papers Mom had in between the seats. I picked them up to see what they were. But Mom took them out of my hands and put them back on the floor.
“I wanted to see what those were,” I said.
“They’re your medical records and IEP goals from over the years,” she said.
“Why can’t I look at them?”
“Because you might get upset about what you read. Do you really want to read bad things about you and feel worse about yourself?”
“No,” I said.
“So it would be a good idea if you didn’t read them,” said Mom.
No one said anything else the rest of the way home. I was so glad to be out of jail and be in a fresh diaper. But I still felt scared and upset about it. Upset how I was made fun of for having to wear them, upset about how I was grabbed and yelled at, upset they wouldn’t listen to me. And I thought they only bugged you if you do something wrong. But no they could bug anyone and I was mistaken for doing something wrong. Also it was not fair Casey was treated better than me. How come nice things never happen to me?