Okay I decided to get back to this story since so many people seem to have missed it and I would occasionally get PMs about it asking if I have anymore to this or ever posted anymore. It’s been one of my favorites too, this and the other one because it’s not like the other AB/DL stories.
Reason why I halted this story was because I didn’t like where it was going and I had all these ideas for the story and I decided I don’t have to use those ideas because they were all too depressing and would have been more drama in the story and that is what killed it. Plus I didn’t know what to have happen next in it. But the beginning of this chapter was written four years ago after I had posted the last chapter and then I didn’t know what to have happen next. I had been working on this chapter for the past week and I realized if I keep on reading it over and over, I will just keep editing it by adding to it and then deleting stuff out of it. Then I decided to just leave it and go with the flow. Enjoy.
I chatted to one of my online friends. I asked him about an orgasm. I still didn’t understand what an orgasm was so he showed me pictures of it but it was all pornography. It was pictures of men and woman with no clothes on. Some did have something on like a bra but their naked penises were showing and women bottoms. I even saw photos of some women having a guy’s penis in their mouth. I was totally grossed out and felt disgusted. That’s an orgasm?
That’s not what Xenia was doing, I typed.
SKkoolia: it’s a start of it
Incontinent Natalie: but what is it?
Then he gave me the next link.
I clicked on it and it took me to another porn site. I saw pictures of more naked men and women. I was all grossed out by this stuff. People actually do these things? I hope Mom and Dad don’t find out. They told Kelly and I no inappropriate sites or they would take away our internet.
Then I saw some pictures of women sitting or standing and there was clear stuff coming out of their bottoms.
“Ew gross,” I said.
I even saw pictures of white stuff coming out of mens penises. Yuck.
I went back in the IM window and asked my buddy what was that stuff coming out of them.
SKkoolia: that was officially part of having an orgasm.
Incontinent Natalie: so an orgasm is having that stuff coming out of you?
SKkoolia: I guess you can say that
Incontinent Natalie: so why did you have to show me the sites instead of telling me what it is?
SKkoolia: Pics are better
Incontinent Natalie: why?
SKkoolia: they really tell you what sex is. watching videos is better
And he gave me another link. I clicked on it and it took me to a video site of porn.
Incontinent Natalie: why?
SKkoolia: you ask to many questions
SKkoolia: because they tell you about sex and what it is and you really learn about it than you do in school
Incontinent Natalie: I hope my parents never find out, they will kill me if they saw I’ve been onto porn sites
SKkoolia: parents need to start letting their kids watch porn and look at pics or how else would they learn. Its part of human nature and parents try and hold their kids back
Incontinent Natalie: I hate porn
SKkoolia: you wont know about sex unless you start looking at it. lot of teens look at it without their parents knowing. are you watching any of the videos
Incontinent Natalie: no
SKkoolia: why not
Incontinent Natalie: It’s gross
SKkoolia: no its not
Incontinent Natalie: yes it is
SKkoolia: if you were eighteen I would fly out there and get a hotel somewhere and we both would stay in that room and id really show you what sex is
Incontinent Natalie: how will you show me?
SKkoolia: I would teach you all the sex moves and tell you how its done
Incontinent Natalie: why cant u just tell me?
SKkoolia: showing you is better than telling you. I am not sure what the age of consent there is so 18 is safer
Incontinent Natalie: whats age of consent
SKkoolia: age you can have sex
Incontinent Natalie: there are some kids who have sex anyway
SKkoolia: yeah to other kids but not to adults. in some states, it’s 16 so you can have sex with them, some states it’s 17 and in other states it’s 18. But some states have laws about age of consent like if the age is 16, you still cannot have sex with them if they are under 18 and you are more than 48 months older than them but each state has their own laws. perhaps you can look up your own state laws about it and see what the laws are
Incontinent Natalie: sex with kids? ew
SKkoolia: their teens. Back in the old days people got married young as 13 and had kids that young. now the age is later and you cant get married till your eighteen in most states.
Then I heard Kelly coming home. I heard her talking to Mom.
I watched one video. It was a woman sucking on a guy’s penis but after ten seconds of it, I clicked out of it. It was just too gross. SKkoolia told me to watch more.
I don’t want to, I typed.
SKkoolia: its part of growing up. u should
Incontinent Natalie: but my mom and dad say no porn and if we’re ever in it they will take the internet away
SKkoolia: and they are holding you back. you will be an adult soon and pretty soon you will be dating and no guy would want to date you
Incontinent Natalie: why?
SKkoolia: because it would feel like they are with a retard instead of with a woman
Incontinent Natalie: cant they just teach me it then?
SKkoolia: that be impossible no guy would want a woman who is dense about sex
Incontinent Natalie: what does dense mean?
SKkoolia: don’t tell me you don’t know how to use a dictionary
Incontinent Natalie: I do
SKkoolia: good you know where to look the word up then
Incontinent Natalie: why cant you just tell me instead what it means?
SKkoolia: because that’s what dictionaries are for. You supposed to use them not ask or people will think your stupid
Incontinent Natalie: am I stupid?
SKkoolia: sorry to be honest but yes but its not your fault. your parents held you back. you just need to quit listening to them. your almost an adult soon and you need to grow up now. start learning and stop listening to them and doing everything they say. lot of teens don’t do what their parents say anymore
Then I heard Kelly coming upstairs. I told my buddy I had to go because of my sister was coming upstairs. I typed it as fast as I could so I had lot of misspelled words. I looked even dumber.
I clicked out of the IM window and porn sites. Kelly came in our room.
“You’re home early again?” she said.
“I got expelled this time,” I said.
I told her what I did in school. I heard SKkoolia IM me again but I didn’t look at the screen. I didn’t want Kelly to see what he said when I go read it. I didn’t want her to know I was on porn sites or she would tell Mom and Dad.
“Did you know they were having sex?” I asked.
When Kelly answered, I was surprised when she said ‘yes.’
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Kids telling me,” she said.
“How did they know about it?” I asked.
“Parents I guess or their older brothers or sisters. Sex is everywhere.”
“How come I didn’t know?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “Naivety?”
“Man I really am stupid,” I said. “I wish Mom and Dad told me more about sex when I was little instead of waiting till today.”
“You should have already figured it out on your own,” Kelly said. “It’s everywhere, in movies, in school.”
“I never heard it in school,” I said.
“Don’t kids talk about it?”
“No,” I said.
“I bet they do and you just don’t even know it.”
“Have you ever heard of the word orgasm?”
Kelly had a weird look on her face. “Never heard of that word? What is it?”
“The stuff that comes out of you down here,” I pointed at my crotch.
“This clear stuff, it looks like water spraying out.”
“Never heard of such thing. Who told you that?”
Uh oh, Kelly wanted to know who told me and I couldn’t tell her someone told me online or I might get in trouble.
“No one,” I said.
“Who told you?”
“I said no one?”
“C’mon tell me, pretty please?”
I had to think.
“School,” I lied.
“Ew they tell you that stuff. I can definitely wait till high school.”
After Kelly climbed onto her bed, I got back on the computer and read SKkoolia’s IM.
SKkoolia: i bet your sister probably looks at porn already and you just don’t even know it
I clicked out of his IM again and went back to doing jigsaws on shockwave. SKkoolia kept IMing me telling me about porn and telling me how weak I am for letting my parents control me.
I finally blocked him. I had enough of his pressure. He had already gotten me to break my parents rules and I felt bad about it. I am always easily pressured into doing things but online I have more power because I can click on the block button and they are gone. I did one more jigsaw puzzle and then got off the computer. I played Super Mario until I got hungry. I was starving because I had not eaten all day, not since morning. I paused the game and went downstairs.
“Mom what’s for dinner?” I asked.
“Leftovers,” she said as she was watching TV.
I hate leftovers. The food is cold and it doesn’t taste the same when it was first made so I didn’t feel like having any.
“I hate leftovers,” I said.
“There was nothing else to cook so we’re having leftovers.”
I looked in the fridge to see what else we had. There was hardly any food in there. I looked in the freezer and there was nothing good to eat. I looked in the pantry and there was hardly any good cereal. All there was was boring kinds. Corn Flakes, a container full of cereal bags with some cereal still in there but they were also boring. They were mostly Corn Flakes or Wheaties. I looked out in the garage and still nothing good. There was nothing else to eat but crackers, oatmeal and some canned foods, baking stuff, frozen stuff, some pop and milk left so I went upstairs hungry. I played video games some more and then Dad came home. He always comes home at different times now I never know when he is going to be home. Oh well, at least there would be no fighting but it felt weird about him not being home at certain times, especially at night. I heard him talking downstairs. So far no fighting. I kept on playing my game while Kelly was on the computer chatting.
“Where is all the food?” Dad asked all of the sudden.
I heard Mom saying something but I couldn’t make out the words.
Then Dad said something and then there was shouting.
“Jesus Anita, you and your issues with crowds. I wish you get over it. I’m hungry. I need some food.”
“Have leftovers,” Mom said.
“I don’t want leftovers, I like things fresh, not sat in the fridge overnight,” Dad yelled.
“Have something else then.”
“I’m not having oatmeal for dinner and no way I am having that cereal that has been sitting in the pantry for five months. I don’t even feel like cooking either. I come home and find there is no food to eat?”
“You know what Glen, why don’t you start doing the grocery shopping,” Mom shouted.
“Oh my god, are you kidding me? I work nine hours, sometimes more, and you are asking me to do the shopping? What more can I do around this house, I pay all the bills, I do some hard house care like cleaning out the gutters, climbing on our roof, putting up Christmas lights, washing windows and our skylight, and you are asking me to do the shopping now? What’s next, asking me to bring the kids to school and picking them up or doing the cooking?”
“I get the kids up for school, I take them to school if they miss the bus, I take them to their appointments, I clean and cook and work out in the yard, I get more diapers and medicine,” Mom yelled back.
“I take the trash and recycling out every Thursday morning,” Dad yelled back.
“Oh jesus christ,” said Kelly. “Can’t this family get any worse? Why can’t I have a normal family?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“I wasn’t asking you, that was a rhetorical question. God you take everything so literal. So do Mom, and Matthew. It must run in our family. So annoying I can’t even talk normal in this family or be normal. Have to be careful how I word things, what I joke about and what I say.”
“Sorry,” I said.
I don’t mean to be annoying. I can’t help being literal. It must not make me retarded that I take things literal because Mom and Matthew aren’t retarded and they do so too. I wonder if it’s a stupidity trait. Plus Kelly seems weird at times. She gets mad for no reason. I wonder if she has something wrong with her?
“….If you would go and grocery shop, did you forget again?” Dad asked Mom.
“We go on Saturdays,” said Mom.
“And we ran out of food sooner for some reason so you have to do it sooner sometimes,” said Dad.
“I forgot okay because we always do it on Saturdays,” said Mom.
Kelly got off the computer and left our bedroom. “Where are you going?” I asked.
“To a friend’s house. I am so sick of this. I also think I am going to ask if I can stay the night.”
“On a school night?”
“If they will let me.”
I still felt disgusted by what I had seen online. I couldn’t get the images out of my head. Now I was going to be haunted by them for the rest of my life. If only there was a way to wipe that memory out of my brain.
Dad had ordered a pizza for the whole family because he had came upstairs and told Matthew and I there was pizza in the kitchen. Kelly had went over to her friend’s house because Mom and Dad said she could but she had to be home by seven. Amy didn’t come over because I was kicked out of school and I didn’t have my work at home anyway or my textbooks. Mom had called and cancelled right when we came home and then she told me about the orgasm stuff and then got mad when I wanted to know what she meant by getting hurt and taken advantage of.
I went downstairs and got some pizza. Dad had ordered plain cheese and pepperoni. Matthew didn’t come down after being called. He always takes too long to come downstairs and you have to keep nagging and nagging to get him to come down and sometimes it leads to tantrums.
I ate my pizza and put my plate in the sink.
“Put it in the dishwasher,” Dad told me.
I put the plate in the dishwasher.
“Natalie, I am going to go grocery shopping, do you want to come with?” Dad asked. “You can help me pick out a dessert.”
I looked at the time. It was only five forty so I had time to go before James Bond starts.
“Yes,” I said feeling very happy. I jumped up and down in excitement. Plus going grocery shopping at night feels funny but at at the same time it feels exciting, especially on a school night. I like funny surprises and my mom and dad say I don’t like them?
“You got a clean diaper on?” Dad asked. “I don’t want you leaking.”
“I will be fine,” I said.
“Better change then if you are wet.”
“I said I’m fine,” I said.
“No, I want you to go upstairs and get changed. Every time you don’t do it, you leak every time and I won’t have it happen in my car and do you really want to walk around in wet pants at the store?”
“I can always wait in the car,” I said.
“Change or don’t come,” said Dad.
I went upstairs and got changed. Matthew was still playing in his room. I told him there was pizza.
“I know,” he said. He was busy playing with his action figures and had them all lined up.
I went downstairs and headed out to Dad’s car. Dad came out and got in and we headed to the store. “Natalie, I have been doing some thinking today. Since you got kicked out of your school and have gotten in lot of trouble already, how would you like going to another school for kids with disabilities It will be a smaller school and there will be other kids there like you,” said Dad.
“What about incontinence?” I asked.
“Are they not in wheel chairs?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s not for retarded kids is it?”
“It’s a school for kids with learning problems, autism spectrum disorders, emotional problems, behavior problems, ADHD or ADD, have processing problems, have problems with social skills or communication, stuff like that.”
“Where is it at?” I asked.
“It’s in Vancouver and they take kids from all over the area.”
“I want to be normal,” I said.
“I know you do but maybe you will be happier at this school.”
“Mom said I would be back Monday,” I said.
“I know I told her that but I have also been doing some thinking and I thought maybe this would work for you. I already talked to Mum about it and she was okay with it but was unsure how you would feel about it.”
“I don’t want to go there,” I said.
“Maybe you will be normal there because you would also meet kids like you and make friends and you will feel like a normal person and learn from them. At the school you go to now, you don’t feel any normal, you feel like you’re broken and think of yourself as being retarded and stupid, so is the school you’re going to making you any normal?”
Uhhh, mmmmm, I thought.
“You can try it and see if you like it there and if you don’t, you can always return back to your old school, how about that?” Dad asked.
“Okay,” I said.
“Is that a yes?”
“Yeah,” I said.
I was sure the problems would follow me there. I am always a target for being treated different and picked on. But Dad knew how to get me to say yes.
We arrived at the store and got out. “Grab a trolley Natalie,” said Dad.
I grabbed a shopping cart. Where Dad is from, they are called trolleys. I pushed it over to him and we went inside. I was pushing the cart and I kept bumping into things.
“Careful Natalie,” Dad told me.
We got more milk, eggs, cereal, pasta, cheese, some more canned foods, fresh fruit and veggies. Then I almost rammed into someone with the cart.
“Careful Natalie, watch where you are going,” Dad told me. Then he apologized to the person. “That’s alright,” said the person.
We went into the frozen food section and I bumped into the food this time at the end of the aisle. I had turned the cart too late. Some food had fallen off.
“Okay let me push it,” Dad told me. He took the cart from me and started pushing it down the aisle. “You can’t even push a trolley without bumping into stuff and people.”
“Sorry,” I said. “I was trying hard not to.”
“And that is why I am pushing it now.”
I picked the food off the floor and put it back on the shelf. I did it to be nice so I wasn’t being inconsiderate leaving it for a store employee to pick up. And people think I’m selfish and only care about myself?
I just had to try harder at not bumping into things. I had even almost pushed the cart into a couple of people and I couldn’t tell which direction they were going and Dad told me to watch where I’m going. It wasn’t just one person I nearly rammed into, I did it to another person too and Dad told me to be careful and slow down.
Dad put some frozen veggies in the cart and grabbed a few frozen pizzas.
“Okay, pick out a dessert,” said Dad.
We went to the dessert section and I looked at all the ice cream and popsicles. I couldn’t make up my mind.
“I’ll keep shopping while you look,” Dad told me and he pushed the cart away and continued shopping.
I looked at the push ups and the fudgesicles, the ice cream cups, drum sticks, popsicles, especially the plain colored ones, the all the ice cream. I wonder what time it was? Probably not even close to eight yet.
I was still deciding when Dad came back. “You’re still choosing?”
“I can’t decide,” I said.
Dad rolled his eyes. I wonder why?
“Okay Natalie, how about we get your favorite?” said Dad. He opened the door and took out the mint ice cream.
“Okay,” I said.
“I am going to get rainbow ice cream,” and he took out a big tub of ice cream and put it in the cart with the mint ice cream.
“See, choosing which kind wasn’t hard was it?” said Dad.
He makes it look so easy.
“You make some things complicated for yourself you know that?” Dad said again.
I just shrugged. I didn’t know what to say. Why do I make things so complicated for myself?
We headed to the check out. Something was reeking of bad smell like someone hadn’t bathed in months. “What is that smell?” I asked. “It smells like someone hasn’t showered in a few months.”
I heard people giggling behind Dad as he had some look on his face like something scared him.
“Someone had to say it,” a lady behind Dad said. “We were all thinking it.”
“She’s brutally honest,” said Dad.
“There is that man over there, that is where the smell is maybe coming from,” another lady said behind Dad.
“Oh, he is filthy and his clothes are dirty,” said Dad.
I looked around trying to find the person.
“What man?” I asked.
“Sshh Natalie,” said Dad.
“He is standing next to the register paying, two counter over,” one of the ladies replied.
I looked at the next checkout counter and there was a young man wearing dirty clothes. He had dark brown spots on his white t shirt and his jeans were dark due to them being dirty, his hair was disheveled. he had tattoos on his arms. He was paying at the register.
“Why do they let him in here? He smells terrible” I said.
“Natalie, quiet,” said Dad. “If you have money, they won’t tell you to leave.”
“Places have ‘no shoes, no shirt, no service,’ why can’t they also have ‘no clean clothes, no clean hair, not clean, no service’?” I asked again.
“Because we have to serve them,” said our cashier.
“But other places don’t serve people if they have no shoes and no shirt so why can’t it be the same with dirty people?”
“Natalie,” said Dad. “Shut up. You’re embarrassing me.”
“I wonder the same too,” said the cashier.
The man grabbed a plastic bag and put his beer and few other items in the bag and walked out of the store.
“My four year old son says these things a lot and I always get embarrassed about it but kids are so honest. They mean no harm but they are the ones to say what everyone else is thinking,” the first lady behind Dad spoke.
“So do my wife and two kids,” said Dad. “My mother in law does too and so do my sister in law. It must run in our family. Speaking their minds.”
“If more people were just honest, I think more people would start changing their ways,” said the other lady standing behind Dad.
“It’s a shame lot of people get offended by the truth,” said Dad.
Why did he get mad at me but he keeps talking about it? Now he wishes everyone can just be honest?
They all talked and then our turn came and the cashier removed the stick and started scanning our food. I went to the end of the checkout counter. I pushed the button so the food can go all the way down. The food came all the way to the end and it all hit each other and I watched it all get pushed against each other.
“Natalie, you’re crushing the food, stop it. You will squish the bread too,” said Dad.
I stopped and waited for Dad to get done. He paid for the food and he grabbed an empty paper sack and unfolded it and put it on the counter. I grabbed one too and we started to put food in it. I grabbed all the boxed foods. We were at a store where everyone has to bag their own groceries. It’s cheaper that way. They do not hire any bag people. It’s a way to keep the food prices down to make it cheap for customers. I put the bag in the cart when it got full and I grabbed another one and started bagging again.
“Natalie, stop, let me do it. You are just making a mess,” said Dad.
“I am just putting the food in the bag,” I said.
“You’re doing it wrong, just let me do it. You are putting too much in the bag and it will rip.”
I stopped. Dad told me to move out of the way and stand next to the cart.
I moved over to the cart. After Dad was done bagging everything, we headed out to the car. “I felt so bad for the guy,” said Dad. “You just blurt it out and everyone around us heard it loud and clear. At least no one was mad and they all agreed he does smell.”
Dad unlocked the car and he put the food in the trunk. I sat in the front seat and waited.
Dad got in after he put the cart away. “You really need to think before what you say Natalie,” he said as he put the keys in the ignition.
“What did I do?” I asked.
“You blurt it out and everyone heard it,” said Dad.
“Through the whole store?” I asked.
“Around us. Even that guy heard us and I am sure he was embarrassed.”
Dad looked out the back windows before backing out.
“But he does smell,” I said. “He was already embarrassed then.”
“You were lucky no one cared,” said Dad as he backed out of the spot. “At least it brought up an interesting small talk and you were lucky you didn’t start a conflict with the guy. He did turn and look at you and went back to what he was doing thank goodness.”
“They said he smelled too,” I said. “And you just said in the store it’s a shame people are offended by the truth.”
“They didn’t blurt it out like you did and they waited until he was gone to start discussing it.You have a loud voice and you tend to shout and sometimes you say things that are not appropriate and you say things that are rude and hurtful.”
“How was it rude and hurtful what I said?” I asked.
“I know you didn’t mean it Natalie but sometimes you have to think what you say. Like the dirty guy in the store, he probably doesn’t have a home and no family to help and he needs food to survive so at least he had money so he can’t help the way he smells. So the last thing he needs to hear is how he smells coming out of a fifteen year old girl’s mouth who should know better but doesn’t.”
“I asked what the smell was. I didn’t know there was a filthy man in the store.”
“That is why you need to think what you say. I think honesty is a good thing and it would be nice if everyone spoke there minds but it’s not black and white. There comes times like this when you do need to keep your mouth shut.”
“I still don’t see how it was hurtful, it was just a question I asked and I wanted to know what the awful smell was,” I said.
“I know you don’t get it. You know how embarrassed you get when kids make comments about your diapers and when they find out you wear them?” Dad asked. “Remember how it makes you feel?”
“Yes,” I said.
“That is how it felt for that person when you asked about the smell.”
“He can just shower, I can’t help wearing them. He can help being dirty,” I said.
“Yes I know that but you don’t know his situation. He could just be poor and can’t afford to do laundry, he could have no water at home and it shut off because he didn’t have the money to pay the bill. Poor people have to juggle bills. They have to decide if they should pay for food or water or if they should pay their phone bill or electric because they don’t have enough money to pay both. So the last thing he needs to hear is someone asking what the smell is. He probably feels the same way you feel about your medical condition. You have had times where you had to walk around in a poopy diaper because you messed in it while we were out and you had to find a restroom to get cleaned up and you didn’t always bring an extra diaper with so you had to walk around messy until we got back. You didn’t like it one bit and you wouldn’t like it if someone asked ‘What is that smell? It smells lik someone pooped their pants.’ You have even reeked of urine and you would be embarrassed if someone made a comment about that too. That’s why Mom and I tell you to go change.”
I think I was starting to get it now. I feel sorry for poor people. I can’t imagine being poor. I know not everyone can go to college and not everyone is smart enough to go so they have jobs that don’t pay them enough to live off of. Not everyone has families that help because they expect them to do it all on their own just because they are adults. But Mom and Dad say they would never do that to us. We can live with them as long as we can and pay them rent so we are not living poor if we don’t make enough to live on our own. Brian lived with us until he was twenty two and then he moved out this summer. He wasn’t paying any rent because he was a student. They even said they wouldn’t charge us rent if we were saving up for a house or to move out and we were making enough to live off of on our own. They were even paying for Brian’s gas because he was in school. Now he pays for it on his own because he moved out and he decided to pay for it since he lived closer to the school and work.
“Do you understand now?” Dad asked breaking my thought as he pulled out of the parking lot.
“Yes,” I said.
“Good. I had to use your own personal experience to help you empathize with the guy. That is the only way we can get you to understand.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because you have a hard time putting yourself in other peoples shoes, you expect others to be like you and you have a hard time imagining how others would feel. Only time you are able to do it is if it’s your own feelings or experience. We just have to help you with that is all and it’s something for you to work on.”
“Is that normal?”
“For you it is…”
“What about other people?”
“No. They can do it easier. When you are very calm, you can too.”
“Why is it hard for me?” I asked.
“Part of your disability. But everyone has that trouble sometimes. In fact lot of people seem to have that trouble. Look how kids treat you at school and you put up with it. You haven’t committed suicide or attempted to. You haven’t resisted going to school or been skipping. Then there is your school principal and you have put up with her too. They have zero empathy and people say you don’t have it? Even I have been guilty of it myself but I only say it when I am mad or upset and don’t have any patience. So if I ever tell you you don’t care about anyone but yourself, that is just me being upset so don’t take it personally.”
“If lot of people have that trouble, then why is it part of my disability?” This made no sense, why was I being picked on?
“Good question. There are people out there who don’t have empathy and they have no disability. They expect others to be like them, expect what they went through would be the same for others. Lot of them don’t get disabilities either or mental illnesses or medical conditions. My own parents are that way too. They were that way about your mother and they were that way when you were in a car accident and they thought we could just fix your incontinence”
“How?” I asked.
“They thought we could just re potty train you and also have you take pills so you have control or get surgery to fix it and I told them it’s nerve damage you have and it can’t be fixed and we have tried everything. Then they wanted us to use catheters.”
“What’s a catheter?”
“It’s where you wear a bag around your leg and you have a tube going up your urethra and into your bladder so it drains into the bag so you wouldn’t have to wear a diaper.”
“How come I don’t have that?”
“Because we felt you were too young for it and it’s a lot of work and the tubes have to be sterile and they need to be changed and you were terrified of anything going inside you so diapers were easier. But if you want to try it when you are an adult you may but right now I don’t think you are mature enough to handle it. My parents just didn’t get it and they have always been closed minded. I had to listen to them moan about your diapers being in their home when we saw them and them telling us diapers are for babies and that we should take you to the loo often. They aren’t too fond of your mother either and they think if she tried harder, she will meet their standards and I’ve told them she tries as hard as she can. Even being on medication isn’t good enough for them. They expect her being on medication will make all her problems go away and poof, she is this normal person they want her to be. They even thought if her and I just spanked you more often, all your problems would be gone instead of taking you to therapy. Just like they thought putting me down for my spelling would make me spell better but it didn’t. Now they know the reason but they still haven’t changed their views in other things like about your mother and you. They lack empathy. I am so glad I live all the way across the world from them or else they would be on my back about it. A lot. Probably yours too and Mom’s.”
I pictured Grandma and Grandpa being on our backs. Why would they be on our back? I don’t get it. Wouldn’t they be too heavy?
When we got home, Dad told me to help bring in the groceries. “Grab any bag you can,” he said.
I grabbed the lightest bag and brought it in the house. I looked at the time. It was seven fifteen. I didn’t know where to put the bag so I watched where Dad put his. He called for my mother to come and help. I put mine where he put his and went back out to the car. Mom came out and helped us. After we were all done bringing in the groceries, Dad and Mom put them away. “I talked to Natalie about the school,” he told her. “She is fine with it.”
“So is she still going back Monday or not?”
“Yes but then we will transfer her. She has to be enrolled…”
I went back upstairs to my room.
“Can you believe this Natalie? I come home at seven and Mom tells me I am late. It was only seven ten and she said I was late coming home,” said Kelly who was already home. She was listening to music while she was reading.
“She said to be home by seven,” I said, “not seven ten.”
“And you don’t even care either so why do I even bother talking to you about this stuff? Mom and Dad are so strict, even a minute late is late for Mom but Dad is a little loose there but five minutes late, oh no “You’re late.” How do they even expect you to be home at the exact time?”
“Leave early,” I said. “Not at seven.”
“Jesus, I was only ten minutes late and you, Dad, and Mom are so absolute about everything, she has forbidden me from ever going to a friends house again on a school night. I wish I had an easier family. I’ll just have to wait until tomorrow to tell to my friends about it. At least they can give out support and understand while no one in this house does.”
I didn’t say anything. Why do kids whine about getting in trouble when they break a rule and get mad at the person about it? How hard is it to follow the rules? How hard is it to leave before seven to be home at seven? I would leave a half hour early just so I can be sure to be home on time even if it means being home early. Kelly just loves to break rules and gets upset when she gets in trouble for not following them.
I took a shower to get ready to watch another James Bond movie. After I was done showering, I dried myself off and put a towel over my head and put a clean diaper on. I put two on this time so they would hold more and hopefully I wouldn’t leak on my clean sheets. Why didn’t I think of this before? I got the idea from people on the internet who have done this with their diapers so they wouldn’t wake up in a wet bed. I didn’t put on my old one because I had peed in it a little and the tabs wouldn’t stick if I put it back on and it wouldn’t feel right even if I were to tape it on and it just feels too gross to wear my old diaper with pee in it. I walked back to my bedroom and put my pajamas on, a clean pair. I decided to strip my bed since my diaper had leaked on them more than once. I got a clean sheet out of the hall closet and put it on my bed. I put the clean flat sheet on it and my spread and took the dirty ones downstairs to the laundry room. I just tossed it with the dirty clothes so Mom could wash them. I went back upstairs and waited for The Living Daylights to began.
“Did you dump my beer again?” I heard Dad yell.
Oh great. (yes that was sarcasm) Just when everything was going well, Mom just had to dump it out again. Why did she have a problem with him drinking?