My Story "Chapter 5 added"

Hey everyone. I have been in school for the last year and working my internship! I have been ultra-busy and have not had time to write about this and to be honest was a little scared after I posted the first time. I am going to continue though. In the last year, I have met a wonderful guy that has been amazing. I had went on a few dates, but no one really understood my issues, but now I have someone that does and it’s awesome. I will be getting into how I became into this part of the world, but really want to tell the story.
Anyhow, here is the original post and then the new chapters will follow. Thank you for those that have supported me in comments.

This story is about me. This is a 100% true story. I know it is going to be critiqued but I am only giving you the story as best I can.
Ok let’s begin. I am Renea Harston. I am 23 and just started my 1st year of college. I have been in the military for the last 3.5 years and was recently medically discharged. I wear diapers due to an injury. I am going to start with the accident and then move through my experience over the last year or so from there. It may start gloomy, but I ensure you that I am happy now and accepting of myself and have come to love and depend on them. I do not consider myself a diaper lover but I can’t imagine how my life would be without them should there be a cure or not. I hope you all enjoy the story.

Chapter 1 – The Incident
I had been deployed for about 5 months. It was my first one. I had finish Military Police training, been assigned to my unit in Fort Stewart and upon arrival, told that I was deploying to catch up with my unit that had just left.
I will never forget that day. It was blazing hot. The middle of August is terrible in the desert. It was 1100 (11am) and I was on point to be the gunner for a truck in an escort convoy. We were already set up when I showed up to the truck line. We loaded up and I got in place in the sling. (What you sit on in the gunners turret. I waited as we rolled out. I hated being in the gunners seat on convoys. The dust always blew up in your face but at least you stayed a little cooler than everyone else.
We were about an hour into the trip when I heard the sound of metal clanging.
“SHOTS!” I yelled.
I swung around and laid down fire in the direction of the fire. Hoping I would get them down while our truck sped up through the area and we all picked up speed. I had my eyes open looking for anyone suspicious. I was rotating back and forth like a pendulum when I saw something shining against the sunlight.
“Something about 200 meters down!” I yelled below me.
The trucks started to slow a couple seconds later, but that’s what they must have been waiting for. That’s when I saw it coming in fast. It was definitely a rocket. The first one I had ever seen.
“ROCKET!, ROCKET!, ROCKET!” I kept yelling, but we couldn’t move fast enough. The rocket hit between our truck and the one in front. The guys below pulled me down just as we flipped sideways.

I woke up in a bed. It was cool and I felt like I had gotten beaten relentlessly. I could only open one eye. I looked around and saw a few machines, but couldn’t move my head. I tried to sit up but couldn’t and didn’t know why yet. I laid there for about 20 minutes when someone finally came in.
“Hey! You’re awake! You have been out for a long time. Let me get the doctor!”
the doctor came in about ten minutes later and started in with the standard questions.
“Hello, do you know who you are?”
That’s when I realized I had something in my throat and couldn’t speak.
“Oh, don’t try to speak. You have a tube down your throat to help you breath. Why don’t you give me a blink for yes and two for no, ok?”
I blinked yes.
“Ok, do you know your name?” I blinked once. “Ok, good. Do you know where you are?” I blinked twice. “Ok, I am going to give you a few option and you tell me what you think based on the number I give you. Do you understand?” I blinked once. “Ok, Good. 1. I know my name and know where I am, 2. I know my name and understand where I am, 3. I don’t know my name or my location, or 4. I know my name and don’t know understand where I am.” I blinked four times. “Ok, that’s not bad. I am going to do the same thing for your name and then your location.” He did the same thing for a few different questions until I answered everything.

The doctor began giving me a rundown. I had been in a very bad vehicle rollover. No one was killed but three of the five of us were severely injured. I had broken my back but was lucky because I had not damaged the spine. I had 80% reaction to touch on all extremities. He then gave me the bad news.
“Private Harston, you suffered some very extreme internal injuries. You really are one of the luckiest people I have met. You have had to have about 8 surgeries in your coma.” He went on to tell me that I had lost a portion of my liver, a kidney, an ovary, a portion of my large intestine, and had some nerve damage from the piece of metal they had to remove from my abdomen. At first I was in shock. I couldn’t believe I was even breathing. He began to explain the recovery process.
“You are going to be going through a rigorous program in order to get you better and stimulate the healing process.” He continued to further explain. Basically I would get the braces replaced my more mobile devices in the next couple weeks followed by getting me up and moving. Then came the part that will never leave me.
“Private Harston, due to the extensiveness of the nerve damage and some of the injuries there are a few things that you need to know. Due to the damage to your ovary we had to remove it. This means that your reproductive system may never work the same again. That doesn’t mean you will never have children, but the chances are slimmer. Next, you will most likely have problems with your legs forever. The nerve damage to your left was fairly bad. Lastly, you had the worst damage to your kidneys, liver and digestive system. Private Harston……you will have issues regaining urinary and bowel control. We had to get somewhat creative in preserving as much of you inside as we could. Compound that with the nerves we had to remove and relocate you may never be able to regain control totally over “everything” again, but we are going to take care of you. Everything we do here during your recovery is going to be the very best we can do to make sure you are able to walk out of here a normal, healthy, and cared for soldier.”
I just sat there and took in all the info. It all seemed like a dream, but I knew it wasn’t. Currently I had a catheter in and didn’t have bowel movements because I was on IV. I was told that would change over the next few weeks as my internal injuries healed.
Over the next few days the tube was removed and the neck brace as well. Finally came the day when they let me sit up in bed and removed the solid back brace.
That’s when I asked. “So what will I do once I start eating again? Is there some kind of medicine that will help with that?”
The nurse just smiled and said that we could go over all that another time. It would be a while before I would be eating. That’s when I started thinking about it. What would I do? How could I live in a normal world? What if I have to have a colostomy bag? Or some special machine?
“Are you alright?” the nurse asked. “You look scared.”
“No, just worried.” I replied. “I am just worried about being a freak.”
The nurse game me some meds and I drifted off to sleep.

update 4-14-13

Here is chapter two. Please remember that this is the all the hard stuff upfront. I promise you I am fine now and you will like the chapters as they go on.

Chapter 2
It had been about 3 weeks since the rollover. I had finally been cleared to have soft food and move around on my feet. The nurse came in with a walker and a couple leg braces.
“Hey hun, Are you ready to get up and moving?” she asked. She was stumbling some with everything she had in her hands. The braces fell to the ground when she started unfolding the walker.
“Am I really going to need all that?” I was looking at the walker.
She turned to me. “Listen, you need support. You haven’t been on your feet in over a month. You have nerve damage and healing internal injuries. If nothing else this will be a way for the doctors to assess how far you have come in recovery.” She gave me a look and grabbed the rack that was holding all the IV bags and stuff.

She started with lowering the bed. Once I was all the way down she had me try to move my legs over the side of the bed. I had a hard time moving but was able to scoot them over. She put the brace on each leg starting at the bottom of the foot wrapping around the ankle and up to the knee. The upper part of the brace was strapped up once I was standing. She helped to pull me to my feet and laced them up. It felt great to be up, and to look at everything from a strait on view instead of from lying down.

“Alright, grab the roller and try to move forward.” She said. I grabbed it and shuffled my feet. She wheeled the IV pole behind me. I shuffled to the door before I was literally exhausted from the waist down. She had me shuffle back and I almost collapsed on the double mattress hospital bed.

“How do you feel?” She was standing over me holding me up in a sitting position. I was breathing hard and felt like I was sweating through my clothes.
“I – am – ok.” I panted. She helped me back into the bed and gave me some pain meds. I was really sore and wincing at the slightest movement. I drifted off in minutes.

I worked on walking over the next week. I was eating a little food here and there but it was trial and error. I kept cramping and they would have to knock me out and go in with something to clean out the issue. The walking got easier. A few weeks after the first try , I was full blown walking. I still had the braces and used the walker but was able to put weight down and take complete steps.

I was out doing my second walk of the day. We had just got back to the room and there were a couple nurses waiting for me. There was a cart beside them with a tray and a couple tools.

“Hey. We are here to remove your stitches.” She grabbed the pliers tweezers looking scissor handled tool and came over as the other nurse helped me to lay down. She started with the first stitch. I half expected it to hurt but it really didn’t. she was fast but smooth with it.
“Now for the catheter.” She said and turned around and grabbed the tray. I stared at her for a second then stopped her.
“Wait!” I hadn’t been prepared for that. “If you take that out how are you going to… regulate my functions?” I was really worried. I knew that this was going to happen at some point but I thought I would have had more time to ask the doctor about what the course of action was going to be. She was waiting for me to say something more as I just stared at her running thoughts through my head.
“I mean the doctor said I was not going to be able to….” I paused as I tried to say it. “…to control myself. How are we going to keep me from….making a mess.”
The nurse looked at me for a second and then sat down.
“Renea….we are going to give you protection for now. The doctor may decide to go another route, but for now you are going to have to wear an undergarment.” She waited for me to respond. They had removed and replaced the catheter before but not this.

“So….I am going to be wearing a diaper? Like a little kid? I can’t do that. Can we call the doctor? We need to figure something else out.” I probably looked terrified, because I sure felt that way. She looked at me and then gave me a smile.
“Listen, the doctor isn’t going to be able to do anything right this second. Let’s get this done and I will have the doctor in here by this afternoon, ok?”
I gave her a nod. “Ok, let’s get this over with.”

She got back up and they removed the catheter. It hurt a little but compared to the recent pains I had felt it was really nothing. I laid back as she pulled out “under garment” and unfolded it. The one nurse maneuvered me around as I help them so they could get it in place. They got it all taped up and packed up the cart.

I just laid there think about everything. That’s when I started to cry. I didn’t know how to handle all this. For the rest of my life I was going to have to possibly deal with this. I would have rather lost a limb, I thought to myself. The last nurse stopped and came over to me.

“Hey hun, don’t worry, we are going to do everything we can. Do you want me to call someone?” she was trying to be as comforting as possible.
“No…I just want to be alone.” I felt alone. She couldn’t understand…no one could. I just wanted to disappear at that moment as my mind raced with a million “what ifs.”
“Please just go.” She looked at me and got up.
“I will be right at the desk if you need anything.” Then she walked out. I sniffled and stared out the window to the darkness.

Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning very groggy. I can remember it vividly, first time I felt it, wetness. It felt like a blanket wrapped around me. I started to sit up and looked under the sheets. It was yellow pretty much everywhere.
The doctor came in around lunch time.
“Renea……you up. How are you today?”
I stared at him with a surprise at his question. “I am wearing a diaper sir. How good do you think I am? I have no control over myself.” The tears were already forming.
He looked at me for a few seconds and then sat down.
“Renea, I and a few of the other specialists have gone over everything. There is going to be very little we can do. Now there are plenty of meds and devices that we can use, but all of those decisions are up to you, but I warn you it involves more surgery, or extensive meds and the risk versus rewards are not always great. Listen…we have had quite a few soldiers come through here with similar injuries or needs such as yours. The army is going to medically retire you and everything you need, will be paid for. What I am trying to say is I am trying to spare you more surgery or constant maintenance for yourself beyond what you will already have.”
I sat there as he rambled on, but I knew where this was going. Something I had really known for weeks. That I was going to have to wear some sort of protection for the rest of my life. The thought made me shutter. I would be a grown adult wearing diapers in public and using them.
The doctor got up and grabbed my chart. “I am going to refer you to a counselor. She is the best here in this issue. She has helped countless people in your situation.” He wrote a couple things on the chart and left.
Nurses came in a few minutes later and asked if I wanted a change before they started shift change. I agreed and uncovered myself.
“Hey let’s get you up and see how your walking is too.” She helped me up and surprisingly I was doing great.
“Does this mean that I can get these off?” Pointing to the leg braces.
“Sure does!” She had me sit down and they extended my legs one at a time and took them off. It was already happening when I realized it.
I was going in the diaper. I guess all the food testing we had been doing finally caught up. I wasn’t pushing, squeezing, or anything. It was just happening. I could feel it spilling into the diaper. The nurse looked at me and noticed my face. I instantly started to cry. Just standing there with my head in my hands.
“Oh dear….don’t be sad. That is what you are wearing those for. Why don’t you lay down and we will help you out before we go.”
I laid down on the bed and she untapped the garment. She cleaned me up as I just cried with my head turned. She taped me up and grabbed the soiled diaper.
“Well I am going to head out hun. If you need anything just call.”
Can I get something to just help me sleep?" I asked looking at her with red tearing eyes.
“Sure, I will be back with something in a min.” She scurried out of the room and returned seconds later and gave me a shot through the IV. I felt groggy in seconds and was out.

Chapter 4
I spent the next couple weeks getting used to walking without the braces anymore. I had a limp and it didn’t really seem like it was going to go away. The doctor issued me a cane and that helped a lot.
The last few days were flying by and I was becoming more accustomed to my “situation.”
The last day I was sent home FINALLY. I haven’t mentioned my family too much. They didn’t really like my choice to join the military. When I got hurt, I got a lot of “I told you this would happen” and “What did you expect?” I had a hard time talking to them about anything to do with my recovery let alone my new needs, so I had my best friend, Jenny, help me out. By the time I was discharged from the hospital, my unit had returned. My commander and 1st sergeant were great. They were incredibly supportive. I was able to stay with my friend and her husband, instead of being forced back in a barracks room.
Jenny and her husband let me stay in their spare room. It allowed me to go to the hospital for treatment very easily because they lived on post very close to it.

I went through about 3 months of more therapy, both physical and mental health. I was healing fine physically but I battled severe depression. I was upset that I would never get to finish my career, that I would never be able to walk right again, I was going to need constant medical care for the rest of my life and worst, or so I thought at the time, I was going to have to manage incontinence for the rest of my life as well. There came a moment when it all finally started to get better. I sat through countless sessions, had been put on multiple watches, and held for observation a few times. I had thought about ending it, but never could take that action. I would miss my friends and life too much, and also didn’t really know what to believe was on the other side. After all the help though things got better. I became able o deal with my medical needs on my own and I was able to get supplies through medical.
The day came that It was time to move on from the Army. I knew it was inevitable but still was hard to accept. I was never really given a chance to see where I could have went, what my life could have been, but I channeled all of that into something new. I wanted to teach. I wanted to inspire. I have a story of resilience and it should be a lesson to everyone of what you can overcome, what I did overcome.
After my discharge I said my goodbyes, and moved home to Iowa. I didn’t necessarily want to but my brother was great and offered to replace his roommate with me. I accepted and enrolled in college there. That was a fast moving summary, but a lot of that is very hard to talk about.
I am about to start my third year now. It has been great. Let me start by saying that the university has been more than accommodating. They have allowed me access to private bathrooms and I was even assigned a student tutor that also has been in the military and had disabilities. That is not to say I did not have my share of challenges. College kids are mean. Most of them right out of high school and still have a negative and hateful demeanor. I did not let that stop me though. I was going to do this and no one was going to bring me down. I had worked too hard at becoming a new person to give it all up.
My first year was the hardest. It was the first time I was to be really out and about without any form of structure. I had to create a routine on my own. I had to discipline myself. I will never forget my first meeting with my VA advisor.
I had finally moved in to my brother’s place and was getting dressed. My brother had been very supportive and understanding even building shelves in my closet so I can stack all my “supplies.” Anyways, I thought I was home alone. My brother drives a truck for a big AG company. I had a bad habit of walking around the house in just a tshirt and diaper. Ugh, I hate saying it, but we all know what it is. My brother came out of his room and I didn’t notice while making coffee.
“ehem. Uh, sis, clothes?”
“oh! Jake! I thought you were gone!”
“Came back last night, late, so um, clothes?”
“Oh yeah! Hold on.” I scurried quickly to my room and grabbed some sweatpants. I always buy my clothes a couple sizes bigger or so, so things like sweatpants and stuff look funny on me. They are baggy in the legs I guess is the best way to put it.
I came downstairs and he was already drinking coffee. “Hey sis, I am not upset or anything. Just that no brother wants to see his sister half naked. Cool?”
I chuckled. “Yeah, cool. I guess that is must be rough having me be the only girl that has been remotely naked in your place in how long?” I ribbed at him a little and he chuckled too.
“I am heading to the university for my meeting with my advisor.”
“Are you sure this is what you want? I mean people can be rude and mean and very non-understanding.”
“Jake, I will be fine. Look how far I have come?! I am ready.”
“Ok, well I picked up your box from the main office this morning when I got in. Did you know you were getting anything?”
I grew embarrassed. “Yeah, I uh,…”
“Listen sis, we both know you have diapers stacked in your closet. You do not have to be embarrassed. You served our country and were injured in the line of duty. I don’t care if you came back with no arms and legs and looked like a potato, I respect you more than I do most people. I have no problem with them and just want you to be happy, safe, and cautious. I will help you in any way I can. That is my job as big brother. To be your protector, friend, and supporter.”
I started tearing up when he got up from the couch and hugged me hard almost off the floor.
“Thank you Jake. It means a lot.”
He let me go and headed to the shower. I noticed I was going to need to get ready myself and took the box upstairs to me room. It was my new diapers. I had finally gotten them to approve a premium brand now that I was going to be out of the house for extended periods of time. I went upstairs and cleaned up in my bathroom and got changed. I remember the diapers were a little thicker and I had to find a bigger pair of pants to wear but I didn’t have any. I had to wear a dress. Which if anyone knows the Midwest in December, it’s cold, but I made do with some tights and boots, and headed out.
The new diapers were working great. I had used it in the car on the way there. It had become like nothing anymore. It was just normal to me now. I walked into the VA advisors office and he introduced himself.
“Hi Renea, nice to finally meet you. Adam. I am going to get you started with some forms.”
I thanked him and sat down at his desk and started filling them out. I was maybe 5 min into it when I felt it happening. I was going and felt my pants tightening and the smell was hitting the room quickly.
“uh, Adam. Do you have a restroom here? I really need to get to one.”
“Oh, ya, sure. Back out and around the corner.”
I left and quickly made my way to the bathroom and went to the stall to get changed. I got cleaned up and headed back. When I got back the room still smelled some. Adam, had a candle going and I sat down to finish the forms.
"Sorry Adam. I have a medical disabi…….“No worries Renea.” He cut me off. “We have many veterans with many different disabilities. I already looked at your VA disabilities needs. I knew what you needed before you even came in. We have a couple places around campus you can go to for supplies should forget anything and he have private bathrooms for the faculty but I am putting the code on you student ID that will give you access.”
I just stared at him. “You ok Renea?”
“Uh, ya, sorry, I just didn’t know you knew.”
“Oh, well, no big deal.”
I finished the paperwork and made my way home. It was an eye opener for me that they had so much support. I was excited now, nowhere near terrified anymore.

Chapter 5
Classes had started and I was getting used to being in public a lot more. I had spent a little extra money and bought a whole new wardrobe that would help me hide the diapers while in class. I had to figure out ways to secure them and make sure that I did not have leaks. That was the biggest problem. I am an odd size. I have wider hips, but a thinner waist so I have to buy them a size to big and then they leak around my legs sometimes. I figured it out though thanks to my brother. He figured out after looking at how they fit me that if he used packing tape just below the bottom tapes he could pull the diaper tight around my legs and thighs. It ended up being a lifesaver.
Now that I was in school and out and about more, I was determined now to make some friends and reconnect with some old ones. I called an old friend from high school that I had kept in touch with. She went to school there too, but was a junior now. She was excited to hear from me and we set up for coffee at the student union center the following Saturday.
I got up that morning and got myself ready. I’d had a rough couple days with dealing with clothing vs the diapers, so I decided on a long sweater dress with leggings. It was too easy to conceal them under a dress.
I was sitting on the bus and rolling through some of my text when I felt myself release. No matter what is always seems to surprise me and freak me out. It just got warmer and warmer and I quickly realized that this was a big wetting for some reason, but I wasn’t worried. The new diapers were great and easily could handle a ton of liquid. I think the package has said 90 fl oz., but anyways off topic. I got off the bus and headed inside for coffee.
Kelly was already there when I showed up. She was excited to see me. We sat down and talked a bunch. She asked me tons of questions about the army and how I was doing following all the injuries and surgeries.
“I am good really. There are lots of nagging aches and pains, but overall I am doing well. I was a hard transition, but now that I have my brother and stuff, I am doing great. What about you?”
Kelly started her life story since we parted ways in high school.
“I have been great. School can get stressful at times but I have been doing well. I am studying biology and looking to premed so I can become a pediatrician. I love kids.”
“Any guy in the picture?” I asked.
“Yeah! Jason. He is great. He is a professor’s assistant and in premed all ready. It isn’t crazy serious yet, but right now he is fun to hang with and we just love to spend time watching movies and going to concerts.”
I was really happy for her and also jealous in a slight way. I had thought about it a little, but tried to keep it off my mind that I would struggle to find someone that accepted my condition.
“Renea?” My name snapped me out of my thoughts.
“Renea are you ok? You seem sad.”
“Ya, I am fine” I smiled a fake smile, but convinced her that I was just thinking about when we should meet up again so I can meet him.
"That would be fun! We are hosting a get together tonight! You should come. It will be low key. Drinks, cards, pizza, and just sitting around hanging out.
“I’d like that.” I was not sure, but I had been trying to pressure myself to get out more so here it was.
“Great, well I have a big paper due and need to get to it. It was good to see you and I will text you the address for tonight ok?”
“That sounds great.”
“Ok, see you tonight.” With that she grabbed her coat and we said our goodbyes.
I made my way toward the bus stop and was standing up against the glass bench wall when I felt the coffee working.
Not before the bus! Damn!
I thought to myself. The bus arrived before anything happened though and I was able to sit it out before any tragedies, but on the way home from the stop was a different story. As soon as I stood up I felt it make it’s move and I quickly got off the bus, just in time for it to work its way out. I got into the house and my brother was there sleeping on the couch watching football.
“Hey sis” he said while waking up.
“Hey, what’s up? I am just going up to change. I got invited to a party tonight!”
“That’s great! I hope you have good time. I know you had been trying to get out more.”
“Yeah, I am going over to Kelly’s.”
“Did you tell her about, you know….”
“No, why would I need to?”
“Well sis, I love you and stuff, but remember people can be mean and non-understanding, so just be careful.”
“Don’t worry. If I get in a spot where it might be bad, I will just leave. If anyone asks, I will just tell them the truth. I am much better now. Trust me. It isn’t my fault that I am this way now.”
“Good, have a great time.”

Re: My Story

:slight_smile: Please more!

Re: My Story

Thank you for sharing what you have. I am interested in seeinv more when you have time to post.

I have noticed a few errors where you have used me indstad of my, but other than that it looks great. Please continue