My friends

hey guys, lysiaboy here. this is my first story, never mind post on this brilliant website. I hope I do you proud.

MY FRIENDS -prologue

my name is Jay Carson. I am 13 years old. I go to Highgate secondary school in Middlesbrough. A few weeks ago I lived a normal life. Go to school, mess around with friends (mostly) but nevertheless study hard. then it happened.

4 WEEKS LATER

the relentless ringing of my alarm clock slowly awakened me. I stopped it, and then looked down at my diaper. soaked clean through. In fact, some of the urine had leaked onto my bed. I got up, waddled slowly to the bathroom (it’s hard to walk in diapers) and undid the straps on my diaper. the sodden diaper plopped down against the floor. I then had a shower like I do every morning. firstly, to refresh me, but now, to clean the urine off my body. After I had towelled off and put on a fresh diaper, and was wondering how to get the urine off my bed, a stunning realisation hit me in the gut. I HAVE SCHOOL TODAY. I was shaking violently, wondering how my friends would react when I came to school… In a diaper.

You see, I should explain

3 WEEKS EARLIER

One day, as I was cycling home from school one sultry afternoon, a branch of a tree snapped as I cycled under it. actually, it was more of a log. it hit me on my lower back and pinned me to the ground for over 15 minutes before a pedestrian saw my predicament. all of those 15 minutes, I had the feeling of…well do you know how your arm feels when your having your blood pressure taken… it was like that, apart from the feeling engulfed my entire lower back and pelvis area. after the log was lifted off me, the rush of blood back to my body caused me to black out. when I awoke I was in a hospital bed, wired up to all kinds of machines. I thought I was really sweaty, as my pelvis felt moist, wet even. I looked under the covers and was amazed when I spied a diaper on me! through tears and trauma, the nurses explained everything. the log had permanently damaged nerve endings in my back and as a result, I was now fully incontinent. I would have to wear a diaper all of the day, every day, every month, every year of my life. as this sunk in, I did the only thing which came naturally to me. I cried. while I was deep in tear racked sobs, I realised that I was flooding my diaper. this exasperated my tears and the only way the doctors were able to stop me was with a mild sedative. I awoke the next day in the afternoon, discovering that I had messed my diaper. The shame was overwhelming.

2 weeks after my accident, I was discharged from the hospital.

life at my house has changed substantially since the accident. I now have 3 or more changes a day. my social life, well, what I called a social life. has completely evaporated. each time I am invited to a party I come up with a miraculous excuse to be busy. and of course I was dreading the return of school. how would my friends react…

PRESENT DAY

I arrived at Highgate very nervous. I soon spotted my best friend: Nick Guardia. it seemed he was happy to see me. that slightly raised my spirits.
‘Hey Jay’ he said, charismatic as ever. I mumbled ‘Hi’ gloomily. Nick paused. ‘Dude, why the long face, or in your case, short face’ I chuckled dryly: Nick had always been taller than me. I said ‘Nick, can I talk to you seriously for a second?’

‘sure’

‘Nick… the accident… a branch of a tree hit me on my back… it caused nerve damage. I am now… well to put it bluntly I have no control of my bladder or bowels.’ I flashed the diaper at Nick, who looked shocked.

’ as you can probably tell, this is not easy for me. I have contemplated suicide several times. if school goes badly, I won’t just be contemplating it.’

‘Now I just want to let you know that I will not change as a friend to you at all, apart from the smell’ I joked.

‘All I ask of you is this: please be kind to me: don’t tease me, stick up for me, keep my spirits up. thank you’

The tall, slender American looked sad, shocked, angry and pitying all together as he heard my tale. when I was done Nick, with tears in his eyes, hugged me. I started crying softly, while nick said ‘I will always stick up for you Jay’. That was all I needed

We walked together into the school… Welcome to the jungle.

Chapter 2- Old friends, old problems

We entered our form class of 8N. we surveyed the predator.

Louis Vaughan: the alpha male of the pack. short, muscly and chiselled, the hot tempered American was one not to mess with. if only he knew everybody hated him.

Me and Nick sat together at a desk Near the front of the classroom.

Pretty soon our form teacher MR Roberts came in and told everybody to sit down, as he had a ‘announcement’ to make. this was the moment that I had been dreading. he then proceeded to tell everybody about my predicament. there were no chuckles or even smirks from anyone, well, excluding Louis but that didn’t really count. Nick noted that my face was as dark as cherry coke. I told him not to mention those two words together in a sentence or he would be punished. He smirked.

After MR roberts finished talking to everyone he said he needed to get some mathematical supplies and would be back in 5 minutes. after the door slammed, I turned round to face the class. this was the moment of truth…


ok ok ok for sure the story isn’t finished, that’s just a kind of taster. going to fill in the rest of it VERY soon. look out for part 2 in a abdl story forum near you soon

Re: My friends

You really shouldn’t be posting this to completed stories since it is just the first chapter. Post it to the main story board where it belongs. There we will give this story the critique it deserves.

Re: My friends

This has potential, but it could use some work. It feels like there’s a rush to get to the diapers. Where are the kid’s parents? At least you attemped to explain the incontenence. But even then, there are problems. The accident seems plausible, but the log permanently damages the nerve endings in his spine, and the only result of that is he’s incontinent? He has a spinal injury, yet has full control of his lower extremities?

There is very little characterization here. This is supposed to be the first chapter yet I have no sense who the boy is other than his age, his accident and that he’s now wearing diapers for life. The focus is on his diapers and his diaper changes- everything else is glossed over.

The base foundation is workable, but this story needs to go back to the drawing board. Work on showing us who the characters are, setting things up, and on plot and pacing. don’t sacrifice all this to get to the diapers.

Re: My friends

Thank you for you feedback. like I said, this is only a taster, A rough draft if you will. the real thing (IE the rest of the story) will hopefully be more refined.

oh and a quick note. not the story god no, but the characters (excluding Jay) are all taken from real life: as in my friends for real

Re: My friends

Rough drafts are just that- rough drafts, and are not meant for readers. They’re your first draft; even professional writers have them. Rough drafts are a writer’s playground, where they mess around with the sotry, hammer it out, etc. After that, though- and this is what, as a reader, I feel you did not do- is edit. Not just run it through a spell checker and call it good. Editing means you go back over your work, look at the story, think about what does and doesn’t work, what needs fixed, etc. It’s fine-tuning your work. This was not fine-tuned at all.

The danger with just throwing up your story, hot off the press, little to no revision what so ever, and presenting it to readers is it could easily turn them away. You said it was a taste. Well, think of it as like trying a new food. If the first bite was bad, would you want another? Would you recommend that dish to a friend?

I’m not picking on you- the story does have some workable elements, but it needs fixing up, too.

Re: My friends

Thank you cutekitten for that, your comment was very eye opening (LOL i’m reviewing your review)

I realised my mistakes and downfalls for this one, and if you’ve read part 2, that isn’t exactly james patterson materiel either. I’m going to do part 3 tonight (maybe)

Re: My friends

You’re welcome. You take constructive critisicm (I spelled that wrong >< ) well. :slight_smile: That’s a good trait to have, not just in writing but in life.

Re: My friends

I love this story very much, thanks as always for sharing, and you stories are very great at all times.