Molly’s Deep Dark Secret
Over the next three days Molly struggled with all the baby things. She wanted to get out of the diapers so she could get rid of all the baby things. The stress of everything however, made it hard for her to be a big girl. She started sucking her thumb, something she hadn’t done for two years. Grandma didn’t like kids to suck thumbs, so whenever she saw Molly with a thumb in her mouth, it would be replaced with a pacifier (Grandma called it a Binky). She hadn’t managed to get any of her pee-pee or poopy in the potty. She usually didn’t even know if she had wet or messed her diapers. Molly had never paid any attention to her pee-pee or poopy while in the diaper, but now she needed to change that.
Stacy was seeing Molly turn into a 2 year old with all the babying. She knew Molly did not like it, but she also knew Molly had to at least unconsciously enjoy the babying, since she was acting more and more babyish. Stacy really didn’t want to send Molly to school next week in a diaper, so it was time to take it to the next level. It was now time to really motivate Molly to use the potty. Stacy had learned long ago that you could not toilet train a 6 year old the same way you do a toddler. Molly needed to do this on her own, and want to use the potty. Stacy had not asked Molly to use the potty, and Molly had not asked to use it either.
Thursday morning followed the same routine as the other days. After breakfast Molly was changed out of her nighttime diaper and she was dressed by Grandma. Like usual, Molly was carried out of her bedroom. This time however, she was carried right out the front door. Molly was horrified and immediately buried her face into Grandma’s shoulder. She had spent all this time in the house. She never thought Grandma would take her outside. Now she was being carried out of the house and being strapped into her old baby car seat. She looked around and was glad that none of the other kids in the neighborhood were outside.
Once they were underway, Molly asked the question that she desperately wanted but didn’t want to know the answer to, “Where we goin’ Gran-ma?”
“Well sweety, Grandmas like to dress their little granddaughters in the cutest outfits they can find.”
“So, we are going shopping for some new clothes, just for you. I wanted to wait till I knew if you were going to stay in the diapers or if you were going to be in panties. Now that I know my granddaughter needs her diapers and will be in them for a long time, I want to get her some cute outfits that will fit over the diapers. Many of your outfits don’t fit you anymore because they will not go over the diapers.”
“But Gran-ma me don’t want diapers.”
“There is my silly Granddaughter again. If she was a big girl and COULD use a potty, she would have by now. No, no, my little Granddaughter needs her diapers and it will be a long time before she will want to give them up.”
“No Gran-ma me don’t want diapers. I go potty. I big girl,” Molly pleaded.
“Oh don’t worry sweety, I love my little granddaughter in her cute little diapers. Mommy and Daddy will not care if you are in diapers all the time. They love Molly, they don’t care if you are wearing diapers all the time. I am sure your friends will not care either once you go back to school next week. We just need to get you some clothes that will fit over the diapers and make life easier living with diapers.”
During the last few days, Molly hadn’t thought about Mommy, Daddy, friends, or school. She was convinced that Mommy would be mad at her for being in diapers all the time. Grandma wouldn’t send her to school in diapers . . . would she? First graders didn’t wear diapers to school. Molly didn’t know of any kids who wore diapers to school. Six year olds didn’t wear diapers, they used the potty. Yeah, some kids had accidents at school, she had had some herself, but no one wore diapers. Grandma use to be a teacher, she knew this. Didn’t she?
They were going shopping for . . . DIAPER CLOTHES? Molly didn’t understand. Yeah a few things Grandma had tried to put on over the diapers didn’t fit, but most of them did. What were diaper clothes? Six year olds didn’t wear diapers, so they didn’t make clothes for six year olds in diapers. Did they? If they didn’t make clothes to fit over diapers for six year olds, what was grandma going to get? Baby clothes? No, six year olds can not fit into baby clothes. Can they? I don’t need clothes for my diapers. I can use the potty, just take the diapers off. Then I will use the potty like before. Won’t I?
Molly was struggling with all these questions. Stacy could see the wheels turning in her head. She wished she knew what was going through Molly’s mind. Stacy knew she was on a tough shopping trip. Molly wore size 5. She needed size – T – clothing, but most just went up to - 4T. She knew that – 5T clothing existed, but it was harder to find. Stacy also needed to get some very babyish clothing to push the issue on Molly that Diapers were for babies. If she didn’t want to be a baby, she needed to use the potty. Today Molly would also face getting her diaper changed in public, eating in a highchair at a restaurant, and hopefully she would poop her diaper while out and about. She knew it would be a tough day for Molly, but either Molly was going to decide to be in diapers all the time or she would decide she wanted to use the potty.
Molly’s Deep Dark Secret
The first stop was at Babies-R-Us. Molly was put in the seat of the cart. She liked riding in the seat . . . well she did before today. Grandma was buying some cute dresses and overalls. Molly was confused when she saw that the overalls had snaps down the legs. Grandma told her this made it easier to change her diapers. Grandma was having fun buying all sorts of stuff. Molly kept looking around making sure there was no one in the store she knew. She liked some of the clothes Grandma bought, especially some of the pretty dresses. Although she liked big bird – she didn’t really like having it in the middle of one of the outfits, but the rest were nice.
Before heading to the checkout stand, Molly was taken into the changing room to get changed. She didn’t realize what Grandma was about to do till they walked into the changing room. She initially thought Grandma was going potty, but when she saw the changing table she started to panic.
“No Gran-ma, not here” she pleaded.
“You certainly are a silly little granddaughter,” she commented. “Where would you like me to change your diaper, out on one of the changing tables out in the store?”
“No Gran-ma, at home.”
“Silly girl, little ones in diapers are changed when their diapers are wet or messy. It doesn’t matter where they are. You have a wet diaper, I need to change it before you get a rash. Oh that reminds me – we also need to get you some diaper rash cream.”
Molly’s first diaper change in public went fine, until the diaper was going back on and another mother and baby came into the changing room. They briefly exchanged a few words and then Molly and Grandma left the changing room. Molly was totally embarrassed, she didn’t want to go through that again.
“Why can’t we wait till we get home to change my diapers?”
“Diapers are changed when they are wet or messy. If you can keep your diapers dry and clean, then I will not need to change them while we are out. Just tell Grandma when you want to use the potty and I will take you.”
Molly did not respond. They paid for the items and headed off to the next store. They visited two more stores before heading off to McDonalds for lunch. Molly was constantly looking around to make sure there was no one she knew. All her attention on the people around her didn’t allow her to focus on staying dry and clean. Molly was changed again before they ordered food.
After getting their food, Grandma put molly into a highchair. Molly wanted to throw a temper tantrum, but was afraid to in front of all these people. Soon she was happily eating and didn’t even realize she was in a high chair. After lunch Grandma let her play some in the play structure. At first she was hesitant to do much, constantly pushing her dress down to cover her diapers. But it didn’t take long for her to just climb all over the structure without worrying about people seeing the diaper. She was having too much fun to worry about such things.
Stacy sat watching Molly play. She was actually surprised how easily Molly had taken to showing off her diapers. She had taught 6 year olds and knew that they were only beginning to care about people seeing their panties. Most of the time, they wouldn’t care about such things. Stacy however, was surprised that Molly had the same attitude toward the diapers. Most average intelligence 6 year olds she had worked with over the years who still wore diapers, would work hard to hide the diapers in all situations.
The last stop for the day was at a drug store. It was 3:15pm when Stacy lifted Molly up and put her in the cart’s seat. This is when Grandma noticed that Molly had a poopy diaper. She just put Molly down into the seat without Molly saying anything about the poopy diaper. As they entered the baby isle, Grandma started commenting without expected real answers.
“Well, what does grandma little baby girl need in here? Let’s see. With that poopy diaper you have on we will definitely need more baby wipes. And yes, we need some diaper rash cream.”
Molly thought about it once she heard grandma comment about the poopy diaper. Did she have a poopy diaper on? Moving around a little in the seat indicated that she probably did. When did it happen?
Molly was shaken out of her thoughts when Grandma picked up some baby bottles and put them in the cart. Then some baby food and some more diapers. That is when Molly saw a possible way to get out of the diapers that Grandma might go for.
“Gran-ma,” Molly hesitantly asked. She couldn’t believe she was about to ask for this, but it was better than diapers. Molly pointed at the display next to the diapers and said, “Training Pants?”
Stacy looked at what Molly was pointing at. It was some cloth training pants. “Oh, does my baby girl want to pretend to be a big girl?”
“NO! I want to be a big girl. No pretend.”
Molly’s Deep Dark Secret
Grandma bought three different types of training pants. She got some of the disposible Pull-Ups, some with a plastic outer shell, and some cloth ones that were pink with little flowers on them. The pink ones are the ones that Molly had pointed to. They were not panties, but they sort of looked like big girl panties. After getting them, Grandma ask a clerk where she could change Molly’s poopy diaper. At that moment, Molly made up her mind that she was going to work hard to get out of the diapers.
Molly tried over the next 24 hours to go in the potty instead of the diaper. She didn’t know why, but she just couldn’t. For 6 almost 7 years she had never paid any attention to her pee or poop while in a diaper. If the diaper was on, she used them without thinking. She rarely even knew when they were wet or messy. While getting her poopy diaper changed in the afternoon, she just started crying and couldn’t stop.
Stacy didn’t ask any questions, she knew that Molly wanted out of the diapers and that Molly had not used the toilet once since she showed up. Once the new diaper was on, Stacy picked Molly up and carried her over to the rocking chair and just started rocking Molly, telling her that everything would be okay. They rocked for over a half an hour before Molly said anything.
“Gran-ma,” Molly quietly said. “I am a big girl. I want my panties.”
Stacy knew the future depended on this moment. She was also running out of time, she only had 2 more days with Molly before she was suppose to go back to school. She thought for a moment before responding, “Molly, big girls use the potty. Do you want to use the Potty?”
“I twy Gwan-ma.”
Stacy did not expect that response. She had been puzzled by the reality of the situation and maybe it now required an alteration to the approach. How could Molly be a six year old who used the potty in panties one day, yet not be able to use the potty the next day while in a diaper. She didn’t even appear to know when the diaper was wet or messy. Molly was 6 years old. She had used the potty for peeing since she was 3 years old. Yes, she had always been in diapers at night and had only used diapers for her bowel movements, but she wore panties most of the time and very rarely had accidents. Could it be true that Molly was unable to know she had to go while in a diaper but did when she was in panties? Could she not know when she had gone in a diaper?
“Well, do you want Grandma to help you use the potty?”
“I can use the potty if you give me my panties.”
“I told you Molly, I will not change a little girl out of wet or poopy diaper and into panties. But if you want Grandma to teach you how to use the potty like a big girl, I will let you wear training panties. You will have to use the potty though, if not it will be back to diapers.”
“Really Gran-ma? I don’t have to wear diapers?”
“No, you don’t have to wear diapers if you can use the potty. I mean no more diapers. No diapers during the day for pee-pee or poopy. No night time diapers either. No diapers.”
“Big girls do not use diapers Molly, they use the potty for pee-pee and poopy.”
“It’s okay sweety, Grandma will help you learn to use the potty.”
“But I need my diapers for my poopy.”
“I know you think that you do Molly, but you are a big 6 year old. 6 year olds do not go poopy in diapers, they use the potty for pee-pee AND poopy.”
“I’m scared Gran-ma.”
Molly’s Deep Dark Secret
Saturday morning started Molly’s toilet training. Stacy was concerned. On Friday, Molly had two bowel movements in one day and both happened before 3:00. Molly’s regularity of her bowel movements allowed Molly to poop her diaper when she got home from school each day. It was unclear to Stacy if Molly ever had any true bowel control. She wondered if Molly was just regular enough that her mom managed to get the diaper on in time. Stacy also had no idea how much control Molly had of her bladder. Over the last 5 days she has shown no sign of having any bowel or bladder control.
Molly was gotten out of her crib and changed on the changing table. This morning however, she was put into cloth training pants. Stacy struggled with which ones to put her in. Confused by Molly’s inability to know she is peeing or pooping in a diaper, yet able to use a potty in panties. Stacy decided to go with the straight cloth training pants. She figured she would be doing a lot of laundry today, since she only had three pairs.
Molly was excited to be back in panties. Well they were not like panties, but they were definitely NOT diapers. For the first time all week, Molly got to eat breakfast at the table, with her favorite princess cup. No bib! No sippy-cup! No little cut up pieces!
Stacy had toilet trained many six year olds over the years. She knew the child had to do this on their own, and want to do it. She could ask if the child had to go, but not very often. The better way to phrase things was to ask if she is dry and clean, on a regular basis.
Four hours after getting out of diapers, Molly had used the toilet for peeing twice and had wet her training pants once. It was a pretty good start to the efforts. Other than the extra focus on toileting issues, it was progressing like a typical morning. Molly was playing on the floor in the living room while Stacy watched some TV. Molly moving slightly got Stacy’s attention. She looked up just in time to watch Molly poop and then go back to the position she was in before. Stacy was shocked. Molly just pooped her pants with no apparent awareness of the action. She was now sitting in her poopy pants playing with her toys, still showing no awareness of what had happened.
“Molly,” Stacy asked? “Are you clean and dry?”
Grandma had asked this question many times this morning and Molly was use to it. She didn’t know the answer, so her first response is to put her hand down in her crotch to feel. “Dwy Gran-ma.”
“Clean or Messy?”
Molly looked at her Grandma with a quizzical look. This was a new question. Why was Grandma asking a new question? How was she suppose to come up with the answer? Wetting, even with training pants, would cause her pants to be at least somewhat wet. She could feel wet pants? But . . . how could she tell if she was messy?
“Clean or Messy Molly?”
“Clean . . . . Messy?” Molly said, confused as to how she was suppose to answer. Finally she put her hand behind her to feel her bottom. With her eyes wide, she felt the poop in her pants. Unsure of when she had done it, and confused as to how she could poop her panties without knowing, Molly answered, “Messy.”
Molly’s Deep Dark Secret
Molly was a mess. Pants, training pants, and her shirt all had to go in the wash. As Molly lay on the changing table in nothing but her socks, Stacy paused, trying to figure out what she was going to put Molly in; Diaper, disposable Pull-Ups, the training pants with the plastic outer shell, or the straight clothe training pants?
Molly sensed the hesitation and got straight to the point, “Do I have to go back to diapers Gran-ma?”
Molly’s question surprised Stacy. Did Molly want to go back to diapers? Was the accident and lack of awareness done on purpose, due to a conscious or unconscious decision? Molly was struggling with something. The only thing Stacy couldn’t answer was, what.
“No Molly, but I think you need a bit more than the training pants you have been wearing. You have been doing really good getting your pee-pee in the potty, but those training pants are not made for poopy accidents, only pee-pee ones. Lets try these till you have some success getting the poopy in the potty,” Stacy said grabbing a pair of the training pants with the plastic outer shell.
Once the pants were on Molly, Stacy realized that most of Molly’s clothes would not fit over the puffy Training Pants. It was time for one of the pretty new dresses they bought. Molly picked a cute yellow dress they had gotten at Babies-R-Us. They had ruffled bottom bloomers, which Molly really liked. Once the outfit was on, Molly asked for pig-tails. With hair ribbons and bows in her hair holding the pig-tails, Stacy stood back and smiled. As Molly walked down the hall back to her toys, her very puffy and ruffled bottom stuck out from the bottom of her dress. Stacy was surprised at how young Molly looked in that outfit. No one would have guessed she was 6, she looked more like a 3 year old. Molly loved it, but Stacy strongly suspected she wouldn’t be seen outside of the house in that outfit.
Stacy spent the rest of the day keeping a close eye on Molly. From what she could observe, Molly knew just before she had to go pee-pee. Molly would go running off to the bathroom and most of the time she would make it. Obviously, Molly’s time in just a diaper and not using the potty had impacted her. Molly was upset by each wetting accident. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t get to the potty in time. From what Stacy could see, Molly only had wetting accidents on the way to the potty. She knew she was about to go and only need to gain that awareness earlier.
Stacy figured that bladder control would mostly be back in a day or two. Bowel control was a different issue. Molly appeared to have no bowel control or awareness. All this effort was done to get her to go poop in the potty, but the question now is whether or not that was physically possible. Stacy knew, for a child to gain control, they needed to have one of the three levels of awareness; awareness that you are about to go, awareness that you are going, and awareness that you have just gone. From what Stacy could observe, Molly hadn’t even reached the first stage, awareness that she had just gone. Stacy also knew that Molly had to have this awareness before she would be able to gain any level of control over her bowels.
Okay, Stacy had one more week before Molly’s parents came back. Technically, Molly was suppose to go back to school on Monday, but it was easy for Stacy to just keep her home for that week. If Stacy was careful, Molly probably would not even know kids were going back to school. At six, she hadn’t yet gained firm understanding of time and date, and was not yet able to pick up on little things to help her determine what day of the week it was. Stacy had hoped to go to Church tomorrow, but decided not to so Molly wouldn’t pick up on the fact that it was Sunday.
That night, after Molly had been put in her night-time diaper and put down to sleep in her crib, Stacy started to map out what she was going to do. She suspected that by Monday morning, Molly would have her bladder control back. Teaching Molly when she had had a bowel movement, was going to be a bit harder. Molly had taken the lead and wanted to gain control. Stacy worked on creating an incentive program to help Molly in this process. She would also talk to Molly’s mom on Sunday about bringing Molly to a doctor, to make sure there wasn’t any biological reason for her not knowing when she has had a bowel movement.
Sunday brought another day of toilet training a kid who was acting more like a 3 year old than a 6 year old. Molly picked a very babyish looking outfit to wear, she was playing with more of her preschooler toys. She wouldn’t get far from Stacy, showing her everything she did. Molly did like getting a sticker each time she could properly identify when she was dry and clean versus wet and messy.
Molly did wet her pants once and pooped them twice. Stacy viewed the one wetting accident as a good sign. It was ONLY once. The training pants with the plastic outer covering worked well to contain the poopy, but they also required the use of Baby Powder to deal with the heat and moisture build-up within the garment. It took a lot of Baby Powder, and they puffed out a lot, making her look and smell like she was diapered. Most of Molly’s clothes wouldn’t even fit over them. Stacy knew that for practical reasons, she had to get Molly wearing the Disposable Training Pants. She didn’t mind dealing with cleaning clothe training pants or diapers, but it wasn’t practical in today’s society outside of the home. Schools and babysitters would insist on some type of disposable protective undergarment for sanitary reasons. In diapers Molly had a history of just using the diaper for both pee-pee and poopy, but would she do the same in Pull-Ups. They were diapers, just in a design that could be pulled up and down.
Shortly after dinner, Molly got a call from Mommy. There had been a few of these calls throughout the last week, but this time, Molly was telling her Mommy all about how she was getting her pee-pee in the potty. Stacy smiled at this, Molly sounded like a proud 3 year old being potty trained for the first time. Wearing 5T overalls with Big Bird on the front and snaps down the legs, made her look 3 years old too, especially with the pig-tails tied up with ribbons and bows.
When Molly was done talking, it was Stacy’s turn. She got the doctor information and explained her plan for the week. Molly’s mom, although disappointed, was not surprised by Stacy’s suspicion that Molly had no bowel control. She had suspected this, but was hopeful since she usually managed to only poop when in a diaper. She suspected that the incident a year earlier had possibly done some damage. The doctor back then had warned that the way Molly’s body was dealing with the push to finish her toilet training was an immature reflex that might need to be explored once she was better, if she continued to have problems. Molly’s mom was hoping the regularity with the bowel movement and Molly getting her poopy mostly in the diaper was a sign that she did have some level of control and the problems were not serious.