Molly’s Deep Dark Secret
Molly’s Deep Dark Secret was out. She was a six year old who still did her poopies in diapers. Emily, Mary, and George all knew her secret. All the kids in Mrs. Jaylin’s class knew she wore diapers, and soon some of her friends would know too. Before vacation she only went poopy after school (well, most of the time she only did it after school). Now she did it at various times throughout the day. Before vacation she only wore diapers after school, but now she never knows when she will poop, causing the need for diapers all the time.
Molly was sitting in Gradma’s lap thinking about the choice she was just presented with. “Crib?” or “Big Girl Bed?” Molly couldn’t believe she was actually thinking about this question. Molly had not used the toilet all day. She said she wanted to be a little girl today and she was. She had fun being a big girl in 1st grade today, but she wasn’t ready to be a big girl in other places. Even in 1st grade she was wearing a wet diaper. If she was being a big girl, she would have been in a dry diaper. Molly shook her head no at this thought. No, that is not right, if she was a big girl, she would be in big girl panties like all the other girls in 1st grade. Molly looked up to Grandma and told her that she wanted to be a little girl tonight and sleep in the crib.
Stacy was only a little surprised by Molly’s choice. Growing up is not easy, and this was a very busy and hard day for her. When she finished the story, she laid her down in the crib. She tucked Molly in, kissed her and Josey, her teddy bear, and lifted up the side of the crib. After turning out the light, she turned to look at her granddaughter who was slightly illuminated by the night light. Stacy smiled as her new granddaughter – grandbaby as she slowly drifted off to sleep. They had one more day together before mom and dad return. Checking to make sure the baby monitor was turned on, Stacy left the room, shutting the door behind her.
The next morning while getting her diaper changed, Stacy asked Molly the first of two questions. “Diapers or Pull-Ups?”
“What will Emily be wearing,” Molly asked?
“I don’t know sweet-heart, she is being asked the same question. Her mommy doesn’t decide, Emily does, just like you. If I had to guess what she will pick today, I think she will wear a diaper today.”
“Well, just like you, she will want to be wearing what you are wearing.” Grandma said. “She will think that you will be wearing a diaper, since you poop and diapers are better for poopers.” Stacy wasn’t sure about this, but she wanted to stress that diapers are better than Pull-Ups for kids who poop.
“Okay Molly,” Stacy said as she grabbed a diaper and started putting it on. Then the next question, “Little Girl or Big Girl today?”
This was the big one. Molly had finally figured this out. As a little girl, she would dress like a little girl, play like a little girl, and be treated like a little girl or baby. No worries, no being pushed to do things like use the potty. Pacifiers, bibs, highchairs, and car seats were all part of being a Little Girl. Strollers? Yeah, they are part of being a little girl, not a big girl. Molly thought about how much she enjoyed riding in strollers when going to places like the zoo. But, they were going to the Children’s Museum and a big playground. Did she want to be a baby or Little Girl today?
A big girl? Was she really one of these? Big girls do not use diapers, they use the potty. They do not wear diapers, they use the potty. They do not like to sit in highchairs or strollers. They do not like playing with baby toys, and do not suck on pacifiers. They would not want to drink out of a baby bottle. Molly just could not figure out if she was a big girl. Grandma had said big girls can wear diapers, but Molly didn’t really understand this. Big girls go potty by themselves, but in diapers, Molly needed help to go potty. Molly likes being carried around, riding in strollers or the seat of grocery carts. She even kind-of liked high chairs, she didn’t have to sit on her knees to be up to the table. Was she really a big girl? Could she be a big girl?
“Gwan-ma,” Molly hesitantly started to ask Grandma. “Big girl’s don’t wear diapers?” Her tone was clear; this was a question not a statement.
Stacy smiled at the question. Molly was thinking. She was trying to balance out the need for diapers and her age. School on Monday was going to be tough, especially if she stayed in her little girl mode all weekend.
“Molly, lets try to be a big girl today while wearing a diaper. You were a big girl yesterday in the 1st grade classroom and you were in a diaper. You can do it. I will help and Emily will help.”
Molly wasn’t sure about all of this, but if Grandma said so . . . “Okay big girl grandma.”
“To help you be a big girl who still wears a diaper, we will stop at the store and get some diapers you can pull up and down like panties, so it is easier to use the potty for your pee-pee.” Stacy smiled at this as she grabbed some clothes appropriate for a 6 year old. As Stacy carried Molly over to the bed, she thought about ways she could push big girl issues with the girls today, while showing them that wearing diapers were okay and doable as a 6 year old. She put Molly down on the bed and put the clothes next to her, “Okay my big 6 year old granddaughter, do you remember how to get dressed yourself, or do you need grandma’s help.”
Molly smiled at her, knowing that even as a 6 year old she could still talk her mommy into dressing her. “Yeah grandma,” she said grabbing the pants and putting her arms into the leg holes.
“Oh, I see,” Stacy said approaching Molly with her fingers outstretched. “I have a silly little granddaughter,” Stacy said as she started tickling Molly.
“Haaa – hahahahahahaaaa – ha,” Molly started laughing. “St-Stoooooop. Pwease, stop or I will wet my pants.”
“Oh, but that isn’t a problem since you are wearing a diaper. I can keep tickling you as long as I want. Look,” she said grabbing Josey, the teddy bear. “Even Josey wants to see if tickling will make you go pee-pee in your diaper.”
“Stop – ha, ha, ha – Stop Josey – ha, ha ha – I big girl today – ha, ha, ha – I no pee, ha ha, ha – pee in diaper – ha, ha, ha”
“Well, I guess I can stop now,” Stacy said as she noticed Molly’s diaper was now indeed wet. “and I guess I better change you into a dry diaper. And Josey, next time listen to Molly and don’t tickle her when she is trying to keep her diaper dry.” Stacy picked Molly back up and carried her back over to the changing table.
“Gwan-ma,” Molly said with a big smile on her face. “Maybe Josey should go into time out today for being a naughty little bear and tickling me till I wet my diaper.”
“Maybe Josey should.” Stacy said as she quickly got a new diaper on Molly. Stacy then lifted Molly down off the changing table and put her down on the floor. Tapping her diapered bottom, Stacy said, “You go get dressed, big girl, and I will go get breakfast ready.”
On the way out of the room, Stacy heard Molly talking to Josey. “Josey, I wanted to be a big girl today and get all my pee-pee in the potty like a 6 year old. Yeah, I know I am a 6 year old, but only babies go pee-pee and poopy in diapers. Why did you make me pee-pee in my diaper. I know 6 year olds don’t wear diapers, but I don’t want to go poopy in panties. Yeah I want to wear panties, but my poopy doesn’t just come out in the afternoon. Poopy goes in diapers not panties. I don’t know why I can’t get it in the potty, but I can’t. I have tried and tired I can’t. You tickled me because you were confused because of the diaper, well grandma said big girls can wear diapers and get their pee-pee in the potty. Grandma even says she will get special diapers, so I can go potty without gwown-up help. Yeah I will still need grandma or mommy to change my diaper if I go poopy or pee-pee in them. I don’t know what the special diapers look like Josey, she didn’t buy them yet. You want to be a baby bear today when I am being a big girl. Okay, let me put a diaper on you.”
Stacy was listening to all of this over the baby monitor as she got breakfast ready. Once breakfast was almost ready, she yelled out, “Molly? Are you dressed yet?”
“No Gwan-ma, I can’t get the diaper on Josey.”
Stacy went back and helped Josey get diapered with a diaper that was almost as big as the bear was. Molly was happy however, so once Josey was diapered, Molly was sent to get dressed and Stacy went back to the kitchen. Josey ate in the highchair this morning, while Molly ate at the table. The morning went quickly and soon all three of them were off to pick up Emily. First stop however, was to pick up some new diapers, the ones that can be pulled up and down like panties.
After buying the diapers, Stacy brought Molly to the bathroom to change her. She was wet and a little poopy. She put the diaper on with Molly laying down, but once she put Molly back on the floor, she had Molly pull the diaper down and back up. They had to adjust the tabs a little, since originally Stacy had made them too tight to pull down. Stacy was still confident that these gave a lot more protection than Pull-Ups, and much tighter on her. She just hoped the Velcro grip closure could stand up to the playing of a 6 year old.
Molly and Emily had a great day together. They had a ton of fun at the Children’s Museum and then off to a local burger joint for lunch. Stacy noticed that Molly didn’t once go to the potty on her own initiative. When Emily said she needed to go potty, Molly always said she needed to go too. She always got at least a little bit of pee-pee in the potty, but the diapers were dry only once. Emily however, only needed to be changed once. When Molly got upset at having wet diapers again, Stacy told her it was okay because she was in a diaper.
“But I want to be a big girl, not a baby.”
Emily responded before Stacy could, “Molly, that is the nice thing about being in diapers. Grown-ups do not get upset when a diaper is wet or messy, only when Pull-ups or panties are wet and messy.”
Stacy also explained that it is okay for big girls who still wear diapers to go pee-pee and poopy in the diaper. She also pointed out that babies in diapers don’t use the potty like she has been doing all morning. This made Molly smile.
After lunch, they headed off to the big playground. When they got there, Molly asked to go potty. She made it to the bathroom and with the help of Stacy; she got on the potty just in time, keeping the diaper dry. When she was done, Stacy helped her get the diapers back on and gave her a sticker for knowing she had to go potty and keeping the diaper dry. Molly displayed the sticker with pride on her shirt.
In the afternoon, Emily and Molly had the same track record for going potty. They both needed to be changed once due to peeing their diapers. Molly did need to be changed one more time because they were poopy, but Stacy told her that one didn’t count. By the time they dropped Emily back at her house, both girls had a collection of stickers on their shirts.
Molly fell asleep in the car shortly after dropping Emily off. Since it was a 2 hour drive back to Molly’s house, Stacy didn’t mind.
Molly’s Deep Dark Secret
Molly didn’t wake up when Stacy carried her into the house and changed her diaper. She was dressed for bed and put down in her crib without stirring. Stacy sat in the room and just watched her granddaughter for a while before leaving the room. This was their last evening together. She loved her new granddaughter, and knew Molly would work through her issues and be a stronger girl. It was not going to be easy for Molly or her parents. Stacy wondered how Marcus, her son, would handle the demands of being a daddy, having a six year old girl still in diapers, and dealing with the emotional struggles everyone goes through with a child who has special needs.
The next morning Molly choose diapers again, and being a big girl. Stacy thought this was great, but wondered how much she would really use the potty with all the excitement of the day. After a quick breakfast, Molly enjoyed Mommy and Marcus’, Daddy’s, return.
After lunch, Molly went out in the back yard to play and the grown-ups could finally talk. There had been various discussions throughout the last two weeks over the telephone, but Janice, Molly’s Mom, was a little surprised by seeing a baby’s crib, the highchair, and baby toys around the house. She didn’t say anything in front of Molly, but when she was changing Molly’s diaper on the changing table, she wondered just how much Molly had been a baby, instead of a 6 year old, over the last 2 weeks.
“Stacy,” Janice asked? “Why is there all this baby stuff around here?”
Stacy smiled at this question. She had been prepared for it ever since Marcus had proposed her attempting to train Molly. “Janice and Marcus, there tend to be only three main reasons why a 6 year old child isn’t toilet trained during the day. 1) They struggle with whether they want to be a big kid or little kid. This is the most common reason. 2) There are medical reasons, making it physically impossible or extremely difficult for the child to gain the control. 3) There are emotional stresses in the child’s life.”
Stacy paused for the two of them to process what she had said before continuing, “When I started this process I assumed we were dealing either with the Big Kid versus Little Kid issue or Emotional Stresses. Either one is usually easy to deal with, you give logical consequences for a child’s actions. In this case, a logical consequence for a child who does not use the toilet is diapers. If she wanted to be a little kid or had emotional stresses, treating her like a baby or real little kid would take the emotional stresses away and give her what she wanted. The funny thing about getting what you want, you quickly find out that it is not what you want. It usually take no more than three days of treating them like a baby for them to decide they want to be a big kid.”
Janice and Marcus were sitting on the couch cuddled together. This was all making sense, but a little weird. Molly was a 6 year old, almost 7, not a 2 year old. Molly never would have wanted to spend more than a minute as a baby. Would she?
“Molly quickly took to being a baby,” Stacy continued. “It took her much longer to decide she wanted to be a big girl, than I had expected.”
“If she wanted to be a big girl,” Janice asked. “Why are all the baby things still all over the house?” Janice didn’t like the approach that was used, but she had given Stacy freedom to do whatever it took to get Molly trained.
“Well when Molly started to grow up again,” Stacy replied. “I found out she wasn’t toilet trained due to physical reasons. Well, from my experience, these kids have all three factors. They may or may not gain the control, but they will have to deal with control issues for years. They need to change the view that only babies wear diapers and Pull-ups. They will struggle with the question, from time to time, of whether they are really a big kid or just a baby who can’t get their pee-pee and poopy in the potty.”
Stacy stopped, she noticed a tear on Janice’s face. Marcus gave her a big hug, while Stacy waited for a cue from them on whether to continue or not.
It was a few minutes before Janice said something, “My poor little baby.” A few minutes later she continued, “The doctor . . . When I talked with the doctor . . . Molly will . . . She’s almost 7 . . . The doctor said . . .”
Marcus took the lead, “Mom, when we talked with the doctor, Janice had the impression that Molly could be trained. It would take some work, but she could regain her control.”
“Did you ask the doctor how long this would take?”
Marcus and Janice looked at each other with quizzical looks. They hadn’t.
“Did the doctor tell you she would definitely gain complete control?”
Marcus and Janice again looked at each other with quizzical looks, looking to the other hopping they had heard something the other had missed.
“The process is going to be very hard for Molly. She has to want to do the process and believe she will be loved even if it does not work. A six year old with no issues, struggles with wanting to be a big girl one moment and a little baby the next. Molly will be struggling with something she knows that babies can do easily, yet she can’t do at all. Just imagine what she will be struggling with emotionally. She needs a strong base and a belief that she is a 6 year old, even when she has a poopy diaper on.”
The three of them talked for a while till Molly came back in. They quickly decided they couldn’t really talk unless Molly was busy.
“Molly,” her mom asked. “Why don’t we call Flora and see if she can come over and play?”
Molly loved this idea. She hadn’t seen her best friend for two weeks. Everything was arranged and Flora was on her way over before Molly realized she was in a diaper, and would be in one while Flora was there.
Molly’s Deep Dark Secret
Flora was Molly’s best friend. She knew Molly had worn Pull-Ups for a period in Kindergarten. Flora wore Diapers at night and knew Molly did too. BUT, what would Flora think about her now that she was wearing diapers all the time? Would she still be her friend?
Molly didn’t have to wait long to find out the answers to her questions. As the doorbell rang, she struggled between her desire to run and see Flora and a fear telling her to run and hide. Molly’s mom, opened the door and welcomed Flora in. She waved to Flora’s mom who was still in the car.
“Hi Flora, why don’t you and Molly go play in the backyard” Janice said as she shut the door.
Flora smiled and quickly headed for the back yard, grabbing Molly’s hand on the way. She didn’t notice the highchair in the Kitchen as they pasted it heading out the back door. Molly was reserved and passive for a while but soon she was playing just like any other 6 year old. It didn’t take long for Flora to start asking questions.
“So where were you last week, I missed you at school.”
“I missed school?”
“Yeah, we had school last week, but you weren’t there. Where were you?”
Molly looked at Flora with a puzzled look. She didn’t know that she had missed a week of school.
“I was wif my new Grandma. Maybe she didn’t know we had school.”
“Well, what did you do?”
“I played here and went to her house,” Molly thought about Emily, but wasn’t sure if she should tell Flora about Emily. She then remembered she was wearing a diaper and quickly wanted to switch topics. Molly went off to the swings and the conversation ended.
It wasn’t long before Molly realized she had to pee. She thought about just going in the diaper and then looked over at Flora and decided to head for the bathroom.
“Gatta go potty,” Molly declared as she headed for the house.
Flora didn’t think anything of it as she continued to play.
Running into the living room where the adults were still talking about Molly’s issues, she stopped just inside the living room and loudly said, “I gatta go potty!”
Janice turned to her daughter with a puzzled look, “Well then go sweety.”
Stacy quickly got up to help her granddaughter go potty. Molly stood in place till Grandma reached her and rushed her down the hall to the bathroom. Although Molly did get some pee-pee in the potty, the diaper still needed to be changed. She was quickly changed and sent out to play with Flora.
When Molly returned, Flora ran up to her, grabbing her hand and dragging her over to the jump ropes. Flora was good at jump-roping and Molly wasn’t. Flora was quickly jumping away. Molly started, only getting a few jumps before having to start again. Even with the struggles, Molly enjoyed Jump rope games with Flora.
After they were jumping for 10 or 15 minutes, Flora stopped counting but continued jumping rope. “Molly . . . did . . . you . . . go . . . poopy . . . in your . . . diaper?”
Molly quickly defended herself, “No it was only wet when I went in to go potty.” Then she realized what she had just said, “No, I don’t wear diapers. Only babies wear diapers.”
Molly had thought about a lot of ways that she might tell Flora, or Flora might find out, but this wasn’t going right.
Flora stopped jumping and looked right at Molly. “Molly, your diaper is poopy. Maybe you should go get changed.”
“But . . . I . . .” Molly broke out in tears and ran into the house.
Molly ran straight into Mommy’s lap. Still in tears, she tried to explain the problem to Mommy, “Fwora said I pooped in my diaper when I was onwy wet when gwandma changed me. She fink I a baby.”
It took a bit to calm Molly down, but Janice had a lot of experience dealing with Molly when she had poopy accidents. No matter what her feelings were about the events over the last two weeks, her motherly instincts took over. Molly obviously had no idea that she was wearing a poopy diaper. A quick glance at the concerned Flora standing in the doorway to the living room indicated she probably was still very much her friend and had not said anything intentionally to hurt Molly.
Janice picked up her 6 year old little girl and carried her back to her bedroom, putting her down on the changing table. It took a little bit to get Molly calmed back down and then cleaned up, but Janice was very good at it after 6 years of calming down her daughter. When finished she saw the stacks of diapers and pull-ups, and wondered what she should put on Molly. Her thoughts were interrupted by her new Mother-In Law.
“When she is in diapers,” Stacy gently stated. “We keep her in diapers for the rest of the day unless she asks for Pull-ups after successfully using the toilet. She can use the potty while in diapers, but not required.”
Janice still was not sure she agreed with all of this, but grabbed a diapers and got Molly redressed.