Molly’s Deep Dark Secret
By the time Molly walked into Mrs. Weston’s classroom, she was crying uncontrollably. Mrs. Weston didn’t know what had upset Molly so much, but figured it was more than just a wet or messy diaper. Grabbing Honey, she went over to console Molly. It took Mrs. Weston several minutes to get out of Molly that Steven had told everyone she wore and used diapers. Mrs. Weston tried to calm Molly down and re-assure her that Steven didn’t mean to hurt her feelings.
“I . . . I . . . I wike Steven. Why he do dis to m . . . m . . . me?”
“Molly, Steven doesn’t understand. He didn’t know that he wasn’t supposed to tell everyone. He just wants to be your friend.”
“I . . . I will never be his fwiend again. He a big meany.”
Mrs. Weston continued her efforts to calm Molly down and try to convince her that Steven just made a mistake. He didn’t know it would upset her. He wants to be her friend. He just didn’t understand. Molly hugged Honey and sucked on her thumb.
After about five minutes, Mrs. Weston took Molly back to get her wet and messy diaper changed. With her thumb in her mouth, Molly was quiet during the change, but Mrs. Weston continued to talk to her. Afterwards, they both sat down to talk some more. At recess time, Molly did not want to go out, so she stayed in Mrs. Weston’s room hugging Honey the teddy bear and sucking her thumb. Some toys were put on the table for Molly to play with, but she barely touched them.
After recess, Steven came into the room and went up to Molly. “Teacher said I needed to come down and a-pol-jee-wize. Me sorry Molly. Teacher said I wasn’t spose to tell. Sorry Molly. Will you still be my fwiend?”
Molly wanted to yell and scream at Steven. She wanted to push him away and tell him to get lost. She wanted to tell him he was a big meany and she would never play with him again. She wanted to, but with Steven standing in front of her with his head down she just couldn’t. Steven was taller than Molly, but she had always viewed him as younger than her.
Molly looked at Steven and said, “It’s okay Steven.”
“Mrs. Weston, she wike me again!” Steven said all bubbly as he bounced over to Mrs. Weston.
No matter how much Molly didn’t want to, this made her smile. Her thoughts changed from anger to something Emily had said. The kids in Emily’s class knew she wore diapers and pull-ups, and they didn’t care. Emily actually preferred wearing pull-ups or diapers to school because kids didn’t know when she wet or messed, but they did when she wore panties. Molly thought back on the day. She had wet her diapers many times that day, and the other kids never found out. She had pooped her diapers twice, and if it hadn’t been for Steven, the other kids wouldn’t have known. Could Emily have been right? Could she really go to school with the other kids knowing she poops in her diapers and them not caring? Her Deep Dark Secret was out, how would her life change?
Very much to Molly’s disapproval, Mrs. Weston took Molly and Steven back to class. She brought both of them into the room and directed Molly to her seat. Slowly Molly went to her seat and sat down. She heard kids mumbling as she passed.
When she was finally in her seat and looking over the work on her desk, Sue leaned over and said, “I can’t believe Steven did that to you. Don’t worry, Jessica and I will make sure no one teases you.”
Molly quizzically looked at Sue. She had always been nice to Molly, but never a real friend. They had sat together for months and had been in the same reading group all year, but Sue always seemed to keep to herself or with Jessica. She rarely played with anyone else at recess other than Jessica. Was Sue trying to be nice, or was she just going to be mean. Molly wasn’t sure, so she said nothing and turned to the work on her desk.
At the end of the day when all the kids were getting their stuff together to go home, Molly was sent down to Mrs. Weston’s room for a diaper check before riding the bus home. Molly was surprised to find her Mom in the room talking with Mrs. Weston. She went running up to her and gave her a big hug. Molly was pulled up onto Mommy’s lap and with her thumb in her mouth, she snuggled into Mommy.
Mrs. Weston explained that Molly never attempted to use the toilet, therefore, needed many diaper changes. She talked about the challenges Molly faced that day. When she got to the part where Steven told the whole 1st grade class about Molly’s diapers, Mommy gave Molly a big hug.
“Oh my poor little baby, it was a rough day wasn’t it?”
When Mrs. Weston and Janice were done talking, Molly found her diaper being checked to see if it needed changing, with her still sitting in Mommy’s lap. After determining that she didn’t need to get changed yet, Molly found herself being carried out of the school, with her head on Mommy’s shoulder.
When they got home, Molly was changed into the most babyish outfit Janice could find. Molly didn’t say anything during this process, or while she was placed into her highchair. Mommy put some Goldfish crackers on the tray while she went to get something for Molly to drink. Quickly Mommy returned with a sippy cup in one and a bottle in the other, giving Molly a choice. Molly looked at Mommy, the choices and then back at Mommy.
“It is okay princess. You had a hard day being a big girl at school. No more pressure today. I will take care of everything for the rest of the day. You just have to decide one thing. Are you going to be Mommy’s little girl or my baby girl?”
Molly looked again at her two choices and then back up at Mommy.
“It is okay Molly. It is your choice. If you choose the bottle, I will treat you like a baby for the rest of the day. If you choose the sippy cup, you will just be my little princess.”
Molly slowly reached for the baby bottle. Looking up to Mommy, she saw a smile as she took the bottle and started to drink the milk. Molly was the baby for the rest of the day. She played with the baby toys and Mommy did everything without Molly having to worry about anything. Mommy even got down on the floor and played with Molly. She did find she couldn’t play with certain toys, because Mommy said they were not safe for babies to play with. Molly didn’t really mind, since she was enjoying her baby play too much.
Over the next several days, Molly found her life had changed. Her Deep Dark Secret was out. At school she was still a First Grader, just one who wore diapers. She actually had two new friends: Sue and Jessica. Molly found out that Sue still had a lot of potty accidents and wore diapers to bed every night and sometimes during the day. Jessica knew this, and on the rare occasion when Sue had an accident at school, Jessica would help her so the other kids wouldn’t find out. At recess, it became the four of them; Molly, Flora, Jessica, and Sue. They all learned the secret code, and would tug on their ear when they thought Molly needed her diapers changed. With Sue sitting next to her in class, she was Molly’s best resource for figuring out when she needed a change. The other kids all knew she was wearing diapers, but no one said anything to Molly. Jessica said she threatened to beat Billy up after she heard him say something about Molly’s diapers, but Molly never heard anyone say anything.
Molly also got to know Jonathon and Ali in Mrs. Weston’s class. Jonathan was a Fourth Grader who had to wear diapers all the time, having no bladder or bowel control. He let Molly know that if anyone gave her a hard time about her diapers, he would get them to stop. Ali was a Kindergartener who was learning how to use the potty. She was like Steven, still learning stuff like colors, letters, and numbers. Molly found that she could occasionally talk Mrs. Weston into staying in the room for a little bit, to help Steven and Ali.
Molly almost never used the toilet at school, but Mrs. Weston didn’t give her a hard time about it. She just told Molly that when she was ready, she could. Mrs. Weston was so nice and always made Molly feel special. She also never complained when Molly sucked on her thumb during a diaper change.
At home, Molly often chose to be a little girl and occasionally a baby after school. She liked it, especially when school was hard that day. Mommy and Marcus were always so loving when she was a baby or little girl. On the days she had to go to Daycare, nothing really changed, since she wore diapers to Daycare before Mommy’s wedding.
Molly had her new life, now she just had to find her place in it. She was finding that she had a lot of support to help her find her way. Things were settling down in her life, and Thursday after school while getting her diaper changed, she was reminded just how much things had not changed.
“Molly, spell – this –”
“T - H - I - S”
“Good, now spell – jump –” Molly’s mom asked as she continued working.
“J - U - M - P”
“Your going to ace your spelling test this week dear.” Molly’s mom said with pride as she continued cleaning Molly up. “Now spell - stump -”
“S - U - M - P”
“Well, maybe we better do some more practicing. – STUMP – is spelled; S - T - U - M - P. Now do you want Big Bird or Cookie Monster.”
“Cookie Monster, S - T - U - M - P?”
“Yup, STUMP – S - T - U - M - P” Mommy said as she quickly got the diaper with Cookie Monster on it fastened on to Molly. “Okay, that is enough practice for now. I have to go get dinner ready.” Molly was picked up, given a hug, and put down on the floor. Mom straightened out Molly’s dress before the 6, almost 7 year old, went running off to play.