Lost but never Forgotten 2

A new chapter

This has a quicker flow to it.

I do not want to introduce the diapers too quickly into this but I feel I am leading up to it. I am working them into the next two installments, while I edit the grammar and typos.

I do hope you enjoy.

Comments welcome

Chapter Two: Return to Innocence

Inside of the dark room a man sat upon a jet throne spinning a blood red coin between his fingers his head resting against the high back of the throne, the edges of the arm rests resembled human skulls, the eyes held two large gems that changed colors as his anger waxed and waned. He stopped spinning the coin as a skeletal figure wearing red cloaks approach dropping to a low bow speaking.

“Your excellence, the child escaped. We were unable to contend with the forces that Sanctuary sent.” The skeletal figure said to the man sitting atop the large throne raised from the ground by steps constructed of the femurs of his fallen enemies.

“Who was sent?” the man upon the throne inquired leaning forward his eyes alit with a black fire the coin began to mist held between his index and forefinger.

“It was Kanthos and the trio he is with now. He has not stopped master,” the groveling skeletal form spoke and the man upon the throne placed his left hand atop his right raising his hands to his lips he sighed a deep thoughtful sigh; closing his eyes and bowing his head he replied.

“I believed you were able to handle a mortal…” he paused leaning back once more tossing the coin into the air and grabbing it once more.

“Master…” he raised his right hand a mist rising from the ground around the skeletal form and he began to rise from the black onyx floor torches that lined the high cavernous ceiling began to light with searing white flames.

“Do not interrupt Gartravas,” the man’s voice held no room for error that he was planning on causing a great deal of pain to this man.

“You have failed me once already; this is your second failure to me in such little time. You were supposed to kill the guardian sister, and now you allowed another to escape!” the man upon the throne roared throwing the blood red coin forward and it struck the skeletal form in the chest where his heart would be searing away the cloth as it began to burn into the bones.

“I am sorry master!” Gartravas gasped in pain as the searing pain rose as flesh began to reform about his body.

“You know nothing of apologies Gartravas, I have spent many eons playing there games!” He stood as he raised his right hand into the air closing it into a fist and Gartravas was bound in white hot chains.

“Eons you pitiful wraith, now when I have come close enough to finding a way to rid myself of that soulless nuisance you allow the only link we have to escape! Find her and bring her to me, I don’t care if you have to unleash the entire Deva armies!” the man screamed slamming his fist into the throne extinguishing the torches all at once filling the already dank room with the sour aroma of burning oil.

“Now leave me and do not return until you have either the soulless, or the child!” The man upon the throne roared, he began to step down as the chains pulled Gartravas back tightening around his body, from an emaciated skeletal being formed a flesh and muscular formed man, where his heart should be there revealed to be a blood colored coin that pulsed with a resonating aura.

The powerful man that had accomplished this task to Gartravas placed his hand over the coin and it was covered by burnt flesh. Gartravas was pulled through the large double doors that were quickly closed behind him. Four large iron bars seven inches wide three feet thick, twelve feet long, slid along the large doors securing them.

The man turned around looking at the large black mirror that had appeared before him, it reflected his image to him. His long gray hair marred by spots of baldness upon his head, his eyes burned as his tight skinned face grimaced looking back at him, pox marred his aged gray skin. His thin fingers long, and tipped with yellow finger tips that had an edge sharper than any man forged blade, he reached forward to touch the mirror.

The aqueous glass rippled, the man standing before him now had no pox marks about his body, he wore a business suit his black hair slicked back, his eyes hidden by sunglasses.

“It is good to see you again Roconaraz,” the man spoke and Roconaraz nodded.

“Aye, Aiden. Tell me how things coming along?” Roconaraz’s voice was methodical looking at this man who stared at him.

“Good, although the Sanctuary interference so soon was unexpected we have placed measures into play that will leave their leaders in quite a difficult position. After all we have seen how the curse has affected the fledglings working with Kanthos.” The man’s olive face held a deviant smile as he looked to Roconaraz, a powerful ancient demon long since trapped in his own creation of hell.

“I understand the measures taken against those four will not hold once they are returned to the Agus Sanctuary.” Roconaraz spoke taking a step around the black mirror it turned to face him.

“That is true Roconaraz, although without knowledge they will be unable to return. We have many of our most powerful Knights working on this, and we have found a way to distract him. Seeing as he has not yet placed all of the puzzle pieces on the table from the box, we have a chance that when your time comes…” Aiden paused watching Roconaraz ascend the stairs to his throne once more.

“He will allow his human side to take over, leaving their world your world.” Aiden spoke and Roconaraz chuckled to himself sitting down in his throne resting his head in his left hand.

“Not my world Aiden, but the world of my mistress. It is her wishes which I fulfill.” Roconaraz’s voice was strained as he glared at Aiden who nodded looking at him.

“I know Roconaraz; please give my regards to your Mistress.” Aiden turned away the black mirror turned to small beads dropping to the ground pouring across the floor rolling along the walls.

Roconaraz growled as he leaned back into the throne knowing that his mistress would not be pleased at the events that had transpired.

Kanthos opened his eyes, his hands resting upon his knees his head bowed. He looked up to see a red head looking at him, him thin crescent glasses resting on the tip of her olive nose her head cocked to the left as she stared at him.

“Where were you?” her voice a curious whisper as she stared into his dark eyes.

“Not really sure, after I left Regina…” Kanthos paused rolling back his shoulders shaking his head. He stood up and the young lady kneeling before him stood, she stood only a few inches shorter than he did. “I was definitely on the prowl. I sensed something.” Kanthos looked at Tara who nodded motioning for him to follow her.

“Could have been the kids, Sarriss is okay, just a bit shaken up. But the other one, we haven’t even got her calm enough to give us her name. I had Licindel put them into a flash dream.” Tara spoke looking back to Kanthos who nodded placing his right hand over his heart and the mantel he wore draped over his body forming a long black trench coat.

“We don’t know who she is either, when she escaped from Detrana, which in and of itself it a great feat. Gartravas was on her as soon as she crossed the barrier; she must have been running for days.” Kanthos could feel the mystic barrier around the house, one that would shadow the grander aspects from many who were not meant to see it. He opened and closed his right hand into a fist opening it a leather glove appeared on each hand; upon the knuckles there were steel studs.

The two walked down a long hallway that had was adorned with a long Persian rug. It ended at a set of French doors that were secured on the other side by three steel bars.

“Licindel open up,” Tara spoke and the doors opened allowing them entrance.

Kanthos entered the room his face held the stoic expression it had always held as he saw his fourteen year old sister curled in a blanket sleeping on a fold out cot, on a cot next to her was the young lady who they had saved earlier that night.

She was sucking her thumb her eyes closed tight, he could sense she was asleep but her mind was in a dangerous place for her.

“She knows us, she sensed us. Before Gartravas and you crossed paths. She laughed, a maniacal little minx she laughed because she could feel us.” Licindel said she had been sitting in a glider reading a book, her feet resting on a gliding armoire.

Kanthos sighed looking around the room, it was the living room of the house; he could see the entranceway that he had used to enter. Glancing behind him the French double doors were no longer visible.

“Can you see where she is Licindel?” Kanthos inquired leaning back against the wall exhaling slowly.

“No, I have tried she has locked herself away from this world trapped inside. I fear I would hurt the poor dear.” Licindel frowned and Tara moved to the young girl’s side placing her hand on her forehead humming nervously to herself.

Tara and Licindel had gone to the kitchen to prepare food whilst he watched over the two children who were now both turning every few minutes in their sleep. He turned his head from side to side watching. He felt the energies of their dreams reaching out for one another, a link had been formed that he had seen very few times in his life.

Tara returned with a travel mug filled with coffee handing it to him he nodded his thanks licking his lips. “Tara for a moment, forget, that we are guardians, forget that for the past four years have felt like twenty. Give me a dumb down mortal explanation of what would happen if these nightmares continue?” Kanthos inquired and Tara looked at him seeing that his eyes were once more the crystalline blue.

“Hmm…Well I’d say that if I forget you are a guardian, and forget that what you have done to ensure the balance has been kept safe, and forget what happened to Charlie, Brad, Jen, and Kale…” She paused taking a deep breath as he took a sip of his coffee.

“I still wouldn’t know. I know you are worried; she is your kid sister. And the girl well, Detrana managed to turn your entire team, but you and Licindel into nothing more than infants in a matter of days.” Tara glanced to the girl who they had yet to find out a name of, her auburn hair knotted and unkempt, she was wearing a shirt that Tara had managed to get her to wear over her tattered and soaked clothing.

“A powerful darkness is at work here,” Licindel spoke returning with a tray of grilled cheese sandwiches in her arms, in the center of the tray there sat a large silver bowl of tomato soup.

“I’d wager one of the fallen,” Kanthos offered taking a long gulp of coffee sitting down at the small coffee table with Tara and Licindel.

“How is it feasible for a fallen to traverse the veil between the void and the…” Tara paused, a cold chill going up her spine goose-bumps traveled up and down her arms.

“I don’t know, but Master Keobiatay and Master Talibraska mentioned it to me once before, the only one who had witnessed it is Mistress Elder Telvive.” Licindel spoke using the ladle to fill up three cups of soup.

Kanthos nodded his eyes focused on the girls. His mind was unable to wrap around the shields that the unknown girl had set up around herself and Sarriss.

“Stop,” Kanthos growled giving Licindel a cross glare and she lowered her
eyes smiling an innocent smile. She was attempting to breach his own mental defenses to relax him.

“There is still much work to be done. And if as the elders suspect is true, she escaped from Detrana there is no telling what condition she will be in.” Kanthos sighed picking up the bowl of soup he was giving bowing his head as did the others.

Kate rolled over in her sleep hearing the dark voice speaking in her ear once more. She was unable to move. Trapped inside of her, own nightmarish hell.


Halloween night Kate and her friends were walking down the street thinking nothing of the darkness that was looming. She glanced back to her elder brother who was walking with the other chaperone; he had a stick between his lips that was smoldering, many times when he would go outside at night he would tell her she wasn’t supposed to do this.

The eight year old girl walked up to a house that had a coffin sitting on the front porch glancing back nervously at her big brother who was wearing a long trench coat. He nodded to her and she smiled walking up to the porch. She stopped with her friends when the coffin opened and a body rose they all screamed and giggled when the man inside revealed his razor sharp teeth and spoke. “Trick or treat!” he spoke with a fake Dracula accent.

The girls all choired this giggling as a tray extended from the coffin and the girls were each given a king sized candy bar. She turned back around with her friends but her elder brother was not there, the short walkway they had walked up, seemed to stretch on never ending.

She began to run ahead of her friend’s she wanted to see her brother again. She had to see him again, he was safe, he had protected her when she was lost and frightened. When she had gotten out of the house and could not find her way back.

“You will not find him little girl…” the voice spoke in her mind as she threw her candy aside running calling his name but her voice was lost to the cackling and laughter that filled the air all around. A forest of trees erected around her, hanging from the trees she believed she saw bodies mutilated corpses.

“Kan, Kan where are you!” she screamed as she continued to run feeling her legs grow tired and sore. Her hair pulled back into two buns like her favorite Star Wars character. She was running through low hanging bushes and overgrowth.

“You think he can protect you now little girl?” another voice taunted her as she tripped over her untied shoe lace hitting the ground hard. She slid on the ground and felt the stones cut into her hands and he knees still crying for her absent brother, she had just saw him moments ago he had smiled to her telling her it was okay.

A strong hand gripped her arm and lifted her from the ground; she looked up and saw the bad man from when she was lost. The same smile on his face she began to scream and kick at him. “No big brother to save you now.” He smiled revealing his jagged teeth she kicked out as hard as she could connecting with his knee but he only laughed looking at her, blood poured down her knees where she had scraped them her hands ached. She began to weep for her brother, for Kanthos her savior.

A light in the darkness of the forest that had seemed to grow around her leaving her inside of this hell, a light followed by a voice and a shaking on her body, the voice grew louder.

“Wake up,” the voice was nervous. “Come on baby girl wake up,” the voice was strong and masculine.

Then the light bathed her pulling her from the nightmare she heard and acid hiss as a bright light assaulted her eyes.

She looked up to see her father, his scruffy beard, and perfectly combed hair standing over her a strong yet gentle hand resting on her shoulder. “Daddy?” She asked looking at him and he nodded she could see the fear in his light blue eyes.

“Oh daddy I was so scared!” she wept throwing her arms around her father. She knew he had been in the basement working on one of his projects; he did that every Friday night after work.

“What happened?” Martin asked looking at her holding her close but she only shook her head weeping. He looked at the window, it was opened slightly. He did not say anything biting his lower lip unsure how to handle this situation, in truth it was Regina who would come to her aid. He was closer to his son before he left than his daughters he could not connect with them as Regina had.

“Come on honey, let’s go downstairs and get you some cocoa to relax,” he spoke and Kate nodded looking at him. She had known that her parents were about to be divorced but it felt good that she knew her father still cared.

As she walked into the kitchen behind her father there was a rapid knocking at the front door. She walked towards the door looking out the window she could only see drifts of white snow. The rapping came once more and she pulled the door open.

Outside there was snow all around a young child standing on the door steps in a Star Wars Halloween costume holding a bag. The child’s head was bowed holding a devious smile.

“Trick or treat,” she spoke in Kate’s voice and Kate moved to step back when two strong arms wrapped around her petite frame she began struggling as the figure stepped inside a smile on its lips. The young strawberry blonde haired child stepped through the door dropping the bag of candy to the ground.

The bag exploded once it hit the ground scattering the candy across the floor helter-skelter. The wrappers peeled back and spiders began to crawl out from within the color wrapping. She screamed and began to kick her legs trying to free her arms as she was lifted from the ground looking at this a younger version of herself that had taken a step towards her smiling all the while as the spider’s began to crawl up the legs of the man holding her, he seemed unaffected by this.

“Now little Kate, I think it’s time you join your dear sweet brother.” The younger version of her, chided throwing a palm forward striking Kate in the waist and she gasped in agony as the spiders began to crawl over her she felt herself begin to hyperventilate as the tiny fibrous legs crawled across her skin.

“Just let go Kate, let go baby Kate, and I’ll take care of you….” A soft whisper she could not see where it came but was quickly awoke by a jerking; she began to softly weep hoping now she was truly awake.

Roconaraz sat upon his throne as a pounding came to the door before him. He waved his left hand and the bars slid back allowing the doors to open.

A female walked into the cavernous chamber, behind her a following of creatures that were groveling after her. “Roconaraz!” she screamed and the chamber walls shook, she was hidden beneath flowing royal purple cloaks her hands hidden beneath slips.

“Mistress,” he spoke his voice deep echoing around the cavern.

“What is this I hear of a guardian escaping with that child!” she snapped at him and he leaned forward gripping the skulls on the arm rests of the throne looking at him.

“I can assure you the sanctuary only sent Kanthos and the trio that accompany him. There were no others, they will be quite occupied for your plans mistress.” Roconaraz spoke looking to her as she walked forward seeming to grow, the aura that hung about her radiated to pierce the walls.

“Yes, your assurances mean nothing, dealing with mortals and their filth, I have spent several more eons in existence than you have child of the fallen. Do not try and hide your failure behind that throne that I have placed you on!” she growled at him clenching her right fist and Roconaraz was pulled from his throne so he was supported in the air the walls began to shake and rumble he was immobilized staring at her.

“Release me Detrana,” he growled and the creatures behind her hissed two large beasts drew halberds awaiting the order to attack.

“You should learn you place Roconaraz, I have been kind in allowing you to roam between our world and that filthy human world long enough. You will reign in your zealots, for if I must I will do much worse than this!” She barked disappearing with her following allowing him to drop.

Roconaraz caught himself doing a flip he landed on the ground his left hand held above his body his right hand touching the ground snarling.

“Soon Detrana their kind will all fall before us.” Roconaraz growled standing to his full height the beads that had lined the wall rolled forward once more creating the black mirror.

The mirror revealed an image of a young woman tossing and turning her bed, tears streaming her cheeks even in her sleep he smiled a broad smile reaching forward touching the mirror with his extended left forefinger he whispered.

“Big brother cannot save you now child. You are all alone; he has abandoned you to be a scared little girl.” Roconaraz pulled his hand away and the mirror collapsed once more a self satisfied grin on his face.

“I may still be too weak to fight you once more Child of the Faythless, but I will have my vengeance in due time.” Roconaraz spoke waving his hand and the doors closed the bars locking them once more as he ascended the stairs to his throne.

Sarriss lay on the cot her left leg brought up against her chest holding it tight her right leg straight she slept on her side dreaming of happier times. The events of this night lost to her sleeping mind thanks to Licindel.

The Dream

Sarriss awoke with a start when she heard the sounds coming from downstairs she was still disoriented from the night before, she had heard Kate screaming again and had wanted to help but her mom had come into her room telling her that Kate was going to be okay. She wasn’t sure if she could believe her or not, but fell back to sleep with her mom rubbing her back.

She slowly climbed out of bed and pulled on her pants walking out of the hallway she heard the laughter coming from downstairs. She hastened her pace down the hallway still trying to pull up her extra long legged pants. She had bought them from the deep pockets but now was regretting it she was missing out on the fun the rest of the family was having downstairs.

“Come on I want a rematch!” Sarriss heard Martin laugh followed by the deep laughter of her brother.

“Alright old man, once more, and then we’ll let Kate and…” he paused turning to look at the top of the stairs seeing Sarriss standing there smiling.

“Sarriss have a go.” He smiled and she nodded furiously, she did not know what they were doing but he was including her that is all that mattered. She began to run down the stairs when Regina told her not to run.

Not thinking she stopped suddenly and nearly fell down the stairs onto the landing but Kanthos was waiting to catch her cradling her in his arms as he spun her around and placed in on the couch beside her mother smiling. “You caught me,” she was still giggling from his spinning.

“I’ll never let you fall Kitten,” Kanthos smiled slipping the game gloves back on his hands stepping onto the game board looking at the screen that was being projected onto the wall.

“Alright on three we are doing downhill,” Martin spoke and Kanthos nodded the game began.

Once more he had won and Martin smiled looking at him as they removed the game gloves and set the game for Kate and Sarriss to play on.

Sarriss moved the game board as best she could with her feet, as did Kate they both had hit trees causing the board to vibrate; they had also both taken nose dives off of jumps.

She giggled and laughed when their characters crossed the finish line and began to dance around. She turned around to look for Kanthos but he was not sitting where he had taken his seat he was standing in the entranceway to the kitchen holding a box in each hand.

“Did you see Kan, I won I won!” Sarriss squeaked with excitement and he nodded smiling to his younger sister. She was seven and he fifteen, and he had brought her a special gift. It was the day before Christmas and she knew that Santa Clause was coming tonight.

“I saw kiddo good job both of you. You know tomorrow I won’t be here for when Santa comes, I have to do something for class, but me Santa we’re real tight, did you know that?” He asked his younger sisters motioning for them to sit and they both did so looking up at him wide eyed.

“Seeing as Santa knows I have to do some work tomorrow I got special permission to give you each a gift. But…” he gave an exasperated sigh running his hands through his hair.

“What…what!” they choired together excited they would get gifts early.

“The big guy told me to make you two promise him something,” Kanthos said leaning forward in his chair and they both leaned forward looking at him.

“You’ve got to leave extra cookies for him tonight,” he whispered and they both nodded furiously as he sat back in his chair looking at them.

“Alright open your gifts.” He smiled and the two the seven year old and the nine year old tore into their gifts looking at the boxes that rested inside.

Inside of Sarriss box she saw doll furniture for her play house. She threw herself at Kanthos knocking the wind out of him holding him to his neck kissing his cheek.

Kate did the same as she saw the new CD player and CD inside of the box. He hugged both girls and their parents looking at him smiling.

“I’ll never let you fall kitten,” Sarriss mumbled pulling the blankets tighter around her, Kanthos smiled looking at Tara who was sleeping on the couch Licindel’s arm draped over her. He stood up from his chair and picked up a blanket from the oak chest sitting next to the door opening it he removed a blanket from inside placing it over the two. He then walked over to Sarriss brushing her hair from her face smiling.

“And I still won’t.” his whisper brought a smile to her sleeping face.

“Sleep well,” he whispered walking to the kitchen and refilling his coffee cup. Upon returning to the den he heard the young girl whose name he was unsure of mumbling in her sleep.

“I have to find the Guardian, he can help me if I don’t I’ll become like the others,” she wept into her pillow. Kanthos knelt down next to her placing brushing a knotted lock of hair from her face looking into her eyes which were closed tight. He could feel she was still asleep still trapped inside of the hell. He now felt the shield that was around her and furrowed his brow; it was one he had felt many years ago.

“Roconaraz,” he whispered standing up sipping his coffee as he resumed his seat watching the four ladies sleeping in the room.

Four years away from his family, to do what he had known was right it was his calling the calling that he was never allowed to forget not from the first day his younger sister Katherine was born, and even now sitting in a sanctuary where no darkness could penetrate he was not allowed to forget.

He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes sipping at his coffee; he could feel the energies from the raging storm outside. It brought a solace to the fury he knew he should be feeling, two children caught up in a war. She was not of this plane he knew that by her appearance, her pointed ear, and sharp yet gentle features, and the ability to sense their power before they had arrived.

He ran his hands over his face frustration taking a heavy toll on his him, he had needed rest, he wanted to rest and allow his battle mantel a place to wait for his beckoning but he knew he was not sent here to do that. He would have time to rest on the day of peace.

“If you need any help kiddo, don’t be afraid to ask. A guardian is always within reach.” He spoke to her and he noticed her eyes soften a bit. He stood from his seat gulping down the remainder of his coffee. A thought crossed his mind.

“You know that anytime you need a guardian one will be close by all you have to do is ask.” He spoke his voice a soft whisper as he knelt down beside the cot she was laying on. He lightly touched her shoulder and she flinched.

“Kiddo, if you can hear me through the darkness. I am Kanthos, Scion of the Faythless; Guardian of the Second Regent.” He offered her his full title and she reached up grabbing his arm, he felt her touch was weak her body was weak; she tried gripping his arm as hard as she could gasping. Her eyes opened and he saw deep into her opalescent blue eyes, the soul of a child trapped in hell.

“Please don’t let her hurt me,” Her body fell, limp her eyes closed and her breathing steadied.

Kanthos caressed her shoulder trying to calm her fears; he knew he was unable to reverse the things that had happened to her. He was unsure if any amount of mystic power could reverse what had happened.

“She won’t hurt you again, you have my word.” His voice was a soothing growl as he felt the storm pick up in intensity.

He removed a silver coin from his pocket with a dragon tooth engraved upon the coin opening her left hand which had been clenched into a fist. He placed the coin in her hand closing it gently he whispered in her ear.

“This will protect you as long as you keep that innocence.” He felt a bolt of energy surge into his body, he slowly stood turning to look out the window, this was not an energy he had felt in years, it was one that he should have recognized.

“I suppose this great battle will happen sooner than I believed.” His thoughts were interrupted by a low moan coming from Sarriss’s bed. He looked to Tara and Licindel who were quick to stir at the sound. He moved his hand to his heart and once more the mantel appeared over his body the cloaks draped him in his battle garb tattered from battles against his sworn enemy.

She groaned once more and the two were sitting up on the couch looking at him. Tara wearing a flannel house coat, Licindel wearing a white flowing dress. He had not paid attention to what they were wearing before. The helm appeared on his head as Sarriss stretched her arms above her head smiling contently.

Licindel stood looking at him worry in her eyes as he stepped towards the door which had appeared on the wall once more, Sarriss was still recovering from her dream he could not allow her to see him yet. It was not time, and he had more pressing matters to attend to, he felt the calling growing louder.

“Kanthos?” Sarriss moaned looking at the doorway which disappeared as he stepped through it being replaced by a picture frame that showed a long hallway with portraits hanging upon the walls.

“You’re okay Sarriss,” Licindel whispered and Sarriss turned to look at her gripping her blankets tight as she looked into the bright eyes of Licindel feeling all of her pain and worries drift away.

“My name is Licindel Star I am a friend of your big brothers,” Licindel smiled and Sarriss smile although her eyes were misty as she looked at Licindel and then to Tara who was kneeling next to the young lady whose name they had yet to learn.

“Where is he?” Sarriss inquired trying to hold back her tears in front of the nice lady she had remembered bringing her inside.

“He’ll be here real soon, baby.” Licindel spoke never breaking eye contact with Sarriss who nodded the tears streaming down her cheeks. Licindel brushed them away with her soft hand feeling as if she would cry herself.

“Promise?” Sarriss asked sniffling as she looked to Licindel who smiled making an X over her heart nodding.

“Cross my heart little one, Kanthos made me promise to watch over you until he got here and I won’t break that promise.” Licindel whispered laying Sarriss gently back down on the pillow brushing her hair away from her face.

“Sleep little one, your mommy will be here soon.” Licindel whispered kissing her forehead and Sarriss’s eyes slowly closed.

Licindel covered her with the blanket wiping her eyes, as she looked at Tara who looked over to her smiling a weak smile. “You have a way with kids Lici,” Tara spoke her voice thick with emotion.

“Yeah, Kanthos told me that they took it hard when he had to leave. I just want to remind her of the happier times until Kate or Regina can get here.” Licindel spoke and Tara nodded looking at the young girl who was holding the coin in her hand tight nursing on her thumb as a scared child would.

“What did they do to you kiddo?” Tara’s voice was thick as she swallowed hard looking to the doors that had opened. Kanthos stepped through covered with thick sheets of snow a blanketed figure held in his arms.

“I’m going to kill them!” He roared the blanket covered figure in his arms threw her arms around his neck pulling tight against the chain mail coif.

Lost but never Forgotten 2

I believe that this story has quite a bit of potential, however I do have one fairly significant problem with it. I do not feel that enough back story has been introduced. Many names are thrown about, but we are never told who they are. Terms such as fallen and faythless are used, but it is never fully explained what they mean.

Lost but never Forgotten 2

While I am enjoying this story, this chapter was hard to read as there are many typing and gramatical errors. Too many to actually mention.

I suggest that you re-read this yourself and correct them so that it is easier to read.

Lost but never Forgotten 2

you have my curiosity, but your story and writing has a few areas that could use improvement.

You suffer from a common problem with some authors. You have these vivid images in your mind of your characters and settings and want the the readers to have the same images, so you use tons of descriptions. Well, to be honest, too much. A simple decription or even no description will tell the story just as well. You don’t have to give all the description at the first introduction of the character or each time. As the characters develop, give more detail. Remember you are writing a story for people to read not a screen play where a director needs to see everthing for the first screen appearance of a character. The detail of the setting is also a little too much.

In a short period of time you have given a lot of history of the characters and introduced a LOT of characters which we know nothing about. Now, these characters may be from a pre-existing story that I just do not know, but if that is the case you need to state that. Fan-fiction is wonderful for people who know and love those characters, but for those that do not know the characters it is hard to follow the story. Your story is very hard to follow, if it is not fan-fiction then you have bigger problems and you need to develop the story and characters. As an author there are times that you need to do character development and times that you just need to tell the story.

As a reader, I feel like you are playing catch-up trying to get me to know your characters and you are struggling with getting the reader attached to the characters. Your story is 19 pages long and I still am not sure who the main character of the story is, and I have no idea what the real story is about yet. With more thought on it, I think you should have told us more and done some character development at the beginning of the story before the stranger came running up to her.

You are doing a fairly good job at trying to show instead of saying - - like when he visited his mother. But, I think all of your descriptive detail is impeding some of this and you still have to say some things for the reader to easily figure out what you are trying to say. Be careful of that balance.

Keep writing, you are a good author and the story is interesting.


Lost but never Forgotten 2

Thank you, what I think I’ll do is reread this and edit, so I can repost the parts so that they make more since.

Thank you for the advice.

I do appreciate the critiques.

Before I repost I will edit this heavily keeping along the same story line, but it will have a better development and back story.

Lost but never Forgotten 2

For those who have read and enjoyed thank you.

Reading over it from a different point of view than the author I see where I have gone wrong from the original idea.

I will repost soon, with a prequel to get to know the names and how all of this has occurred.

I realize whilst reading over the work it spawned from I do leave a lot of detail out.