Little Person

Ok so i have never wrote before and I’m looking for some help to make my story better. I was thinking one day that i have never read or seen a story about a little person so i decided to wright one thx.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock and quickly rolled across my king size bed to turn it off. After admiring my self in the mirror stepped down off my bed thinking I should probably make it but figured I just waist my time and mess it up later anyway . I went for a run around my house I might not seam like an all that long of a run but when your 3 foot tall things take a bit longer than usual . At this point I should probably tell you I’m 22 years old and as you can guess I’m a little person. The only thing that is different from me than most it I have no other real problems I walk and move normally. I’m usual taken for a child or toddler but once I talk they quickly apologize. After I get ready I head to work no not the circus or the bowling alley . I’m a desk jockey a tech support guy. On my lunch I walk in the break room to hear the end of a conversation about multiple kidnappings and my coworkers hope they people get caught. It a normal day a work no real problems except some one who couldn’t under stand why he couldn’t find a way to open his cup holder in windows and had to push the button to get it to open lol.

After work some friends went out to have some drinks and relax. Normally I wouldn’t go I’m not a drinker and the two drink limit means ill be drunk when I leave well I stayed letter than I usual would and had way to much to drink. The next day I woke up sick as hell with a head ach from hell and was nauseous as hell. So it didn’t surprise that much when I opened my eyes to see I wasn’t at home I figured a friend took me home cause no one knew where I lived. I looked at the night stand to see aspirin and a cup of water I took one and went back to sleep I woke up thought the day would grab another and fall back asleep. The next day when I woke up is where everything turned.

I wasn’t in a bed it had bars all around I went to get up only to find I was strapped down legs being pulled to the end of the CRIB arm wrapped around my body and a strap holding my chest to the bed. I did what I felt anyone in that situation would. I freaked the hell out I started to pull and twist ignoring all the new feelings I felt just trying to get loose. Who ever tied me down did a very good job .After what seamed like hours I stopped to catch my breath and started to look around. Yep just what I thought I was in a nursery. Changing table fully stocked the crib I was in with a mobile the toy chest all the stuffed animals you could think of so yep its probably as bad as I think its going to be. After I calmed down I felt I had to pee great just great I strapped down unable to move and now I have to pee this just keeps getting better and better. It didn’t take long before nature answered its own damn call without my permission. that’s when I noticed my legs and back weren’t getting wet just my crotch and butt. I thought about that for a sec before I realized I’m in a nursery with a stocked changing table. Who ever tied me down must have put me in a diaper.

Well me and my wet diaper just laid there for about ten min before I herd the door behind me open as hard as I tried to look I couldn’t see them. I heard a woman giggling before a blanket was thrown on my face. Who ever was there lowered the side of the crib and checked my diaper. Then she said “I’m going to release my legs so I can change you but if you try to kick me or get free you will regret it so not to move”." Ya right like I’m going to listen to you". Well as it turned out I should have as soon as she released both of my legs I started to kick and squram trying to get free I herd her count to three before I felt like a light bulb as my stomach was hit by a taster. “That was very dumb and now you wont be getting changed till noon”. I was thinking “I don’t know what time it is now so who cares”. Then I felt her untapped my diaper and push my feet to my face I was trying to figure out what she was doing cause she just told me she wasn’t going to change me when I felt something cold on my butt it was very greasy she was spreading it around then she set my legs down for a sec just to pick them up again. She was putting more of that grease on my butt when all of a sudden she put a finger in my butt. She was fingering me what the hell she pulled finger out and I felt her start to push something in as far as she could then she pushed another one in she set me down and taped the wet diaper to my patting the front for it before leaving she came back a min latter with a bottle of water and pulled the blanket off my face and propped the bottle up so I could drink then she left closing the door. So I’m left there staring at the now moving mobile till I fall asleep.

Re: Little Person

The characterization seems halfhearted, at best. We basically don’t know anything about the main character, or have much reason to care what happens to him. The multiple kidnappings line is pretty clumsy foreshadowing, I think, and most of the introductory paragraph seems too abrupt and disconnected to be a good narrative.

No story worth the bytes it’s stored in should use “lol” as a emotion or comment within the story, unless it’s a direct quote from what a character is typing in a text message or computer, in my opinion. It’s not good narration, and most people I know don’t say the letters “lol” in conversation unless they’re being ironic.

Capitalization is inconsistent, and in a few places you’ve got the wrong homonym (wright/write, waist/waste, to/too), or the wrong word entirely (letter/later). It does look like you used spell check, which is a good start, but you still need to proofread for those other errors that spell check misses.

I assume this is only a beginning to a story, since the ending is extremely abrupt, we learn nothing about why this happened, and there’s no hint of resolution.

Re: Little Person

I just looked at your last sentence alone and it’s not really a sentence.

Re: Little Person

This story was a very difficult read, with all of the spelling and homonym errors. Please learn to approach spelling as a writers friend and not a challenge. The story will benifit

Re: Little Person

Show. Don’t tell. Why don’t you write a story? Instead you summarized what happened in the story. Let the reader hear the conversation your characters have.

Re: Little Person

I agree it also need more of a introduction and before you write i found that it helps to do a outline of the chapter

Re: Little Person

First, this contains a number of bad writing cliches, such as a story opening with a character waking up, a narrator who is aware that he is telling a story and the depiction of a “normal” day.

Next, it’s a gimmick. Instead of perhaps exploring what it means for this character to be a little person, I get the sense that his size will be exploited as a plot device in a very obvious manner (he is child-sized, after all).

Along those lines, we don’t really get a sense of who this character is, what he wants and what his life is all about (just because someone is “normal” does not mean they are uninteresting) before he is placed in this convoluted situation.

Lastly, the writing is very sloppy. Don’t use “min” as an abbreviation. Learn the difference between “seem” and “seam,” “heard” and “herd,” etc.