Life's Path

Hey guys, I’m liking the new forum! Anywho, I started to write a story a few years ago called Boston, and thought it got favorable reviews, it regrettably fell by the wayside. I’ve had this idea rolling around in my head for a while know and finally put my fingers to the key board and banged out a first chapter.

Please keep in mind, I’m out of practice in writing fiction. All these college papers have kinda…I dunno, changed my writing style, but hopefully you’ll like it.

As always, positive AND negative criticism is welcome. Enjoy :wink:

Lifes Path, Ch1

“23-248! 23-248! DOWN” Shawn, the quarterback screamed. Rich could barely hear him over the roaring crowd.

He looked at his blocking assignments as he settled into his three-point stance. 22 meant it was an inside zone play to the left. In other words, Shawn was going to hand the ball off to the tail back, who was going to run the ball right behind Rich, who was lined up at fullback. He knew he had to get out of his stance and clear a hole as fast as he could.

Shaw continued with his cadence “ZIP SIX! SET HUT!” Mike Rosie, better known as Rose, snapped the ball. The next half second included a thunderous crash as about 1400 pounds of offensive lineman and 900 pounds of defensive lineman crashed into each other. Rich thundered out of his stance and went crashing through the line just as the offensive line man cleared a hole. This was good, it meant he could hit a linebacker and the play would result in a bigger gain.

Such was the case, and the tailback sped around tacklers and ran for 16 yards and a first down.

In the midst of the confusion, Rich managed to get his finger stuck in a linebacker’s facemask, and it wound up breaking. He let out a muffled scream, but the pain wasn’t too terrible. He looked over to his coach and did the procedure for telling him he was injured. He tapped his head twice, pointed to his hand, and held up 5 fingers. This let his coach know he was injured, it was his hand, and the pain was 5 out of 5. This meant he had to come out.

The coach recognized this, and sent in Rich’s substitute. Rich trotted of the field and straight over to Heather, the athletic trainer. She carefully pulled his glove off and surveyed the damage.

“You’re done, its broken” she said and looked up at him.

“The fuck I am, straighten it” He looked down at her with fire in his eyes. This was the state championship game, and there was no way he was coming out in the 4th quarter with his team winning by a narrow margin.

“No, if I screw up it could really mess up your finger”

“Well, either you’re going to straighten it or I am, and you’ve been to school for this shit. Either way, I’m getting back in this game” He said with just as much determination.

“Goddamn, you piss me off” She said as she grabbed the chew spoon out of her bag. It was a long wooden spoon she gave players to bite on when they were in a lot of pain. She took hold of his hand, and after a count to 1 of an expected 3, she snapped the finger back in place. After a quick tape job, Rich was ready. “There you go, baby” She said and shot him a wink; he just smiled back. A half hour later, he was celebrating a state championship.

After a couple hours of hugging family and teammates, interviews with t.v. and newspaper reporters, and a bus ride back to his school, he was walking out of the locker room after a much needed shower. His best friend, Angie, was waiting for him by his car.

“Hey there, hot stuff” She yelled “ready to put your drunk face on?”

“Bet your ass I am. We gotta stop at my house first, my mom wants me to eat something. And I need to get some clothes and some other stuff”

“Ok, you want me to go home?” She asked

“Nah, your alright” He replied and they both got into his 2003 Dodge Ram 1500 pickup and drove off.

“So what time are things kicking off, do you know?” Angie asked him.

“Fully said around 9 or so, and its 7 now, so we got some time. I kinda wanna get this finger looked at. I doubt Doc will be in his office though”

“No harm in looking. Its on the way to Fully’s anyway. You should call him when you get home. Is it broken?”

“What do you think?” He asked sarcastically as he held his hand up to her. The finger was still quite swollen.

“Yuck! Get that out of my face!”

“Hey, do you still have my diapers in your closet?” He changed the subject, seeing Angie might actually be sick from the sight of the finger.

“Yea, you gotta get those things outta there man, I have trouble enough hiding my own. My mom was in there yesterday looking for my winter jacket and she was like 2 feet away from them. How the hell am I gonna explain it if she finds them?”

“I dunno, you’ll think of something”

“The hell I will”

The rest of the ride to Rich’s house was spent making small talk and bets about who was going to win at beer pong later that night. Though his mouth was moving, he wasn’t thinking about his conversation with Angie. His mind kept replaying the wink that Heather shot him when she called him “baby”. He was snapped back to reality when he realized he was sitting in his driveway with Angie at his window.

“So…were you going to come in or do I have to go suffer through your Mom’s cooking myself?”

“Yea, I’m coming” he said. There really was no suffering ahead. His mom was one of the best cooks in town.

That night was spent drinking and celebrating with friends and teammates. All in all, it was a pretty amazing night for Rich and Angie. Although the cops were circling the block constantly, the party was never broken up. They were just looking for drunk drivers. See? There are some decent cops out there.

Rich woke up the next morning feeling like he’d been hit by a truck. Not just the usual soreness from the game, but the pain in his finger coupled with the searing headache from the previous nights drinking made him want to shoot himself. Angie, who seemed to never get a hangover, was already up. Rich was found himself laying on the couch in her room clad in only a beanie hat, gloves, and a diaper. Confused on the events of the night before, he waited for this headache to subdue for a moment before speaking.

“What the hell happened last night?” He spoke softly. Angie was sitting at her computer and spun around in her chair.

Rich often noticed Angie. She really was a beautiful girl, though she never cared to show it. If you stripped her naked, you’d see she was 5’5" and skinny with brown hair, blue eyes and breasts that were slightly too small for her body. Not much, but slightly. When you saw her fully clothed, you wouldn’t see any of it. She could be described as a tomboy. Never a tight pair of pants or sweatshirt, she opted for grunge type black sweatshirts and baggy blue jeans every day. Her hair came down to her neck and nearly met at her strong chin. She loved the way she looked.

Right now, however, she was halfway between clothed and naked. As she spun around in her chair to face Rich, he saw her in a black T-shirt, socks, and dry diaper. She looked at him for a moment before she answered his question.

Angie often noticed Rich too. He was about 5’11", 240 pounds of pure Irish muscle. Like Angie, his hair brown though his eyes were green. Although he was of small stature when looking at things through the eyes of a college football recruiter, his talent on the field was undeniable. It was his senior year, and having just led his team to a state championship he was guaranteed a spot on several big money school’s roster. Now that his season was over, he could announce his verbal commitment. He suddenly remembered that the press conference was scheduled for today.

“Uhh, lets just say that you owe Fully’s parents a new cellar door” Angie spun around an answered, snapping Rich back to reality.

“Shit, don’t even tell me the story. What time is it?”

“9:30, why, in a rush to leave?”

“Yea, I got my press conference today. I gotta announce which school I’m going to” Rich said as he got up from the couch.

“Oh yea, what time is that happening?” Angie asked

“Uhhhhh…”

“You’re not serious…you actually forgot what time it is?!” Angie asked, suddenly looking concerned.

“One o’clock. Its at one.” Rich suddenly remembered while looking for his clothes"

“Don’t scare me like that. What school are you going to? Have you made a hard decision?”

“Michigan State. They have construction management.” Rich replied, finding his pants.

“You say that like you’re not going pro. I wonder what the scouts would think if they knew you wore diapers!” Angie teased him.

“You’re a bitch and I’m taking a shower” Rich said has he went to Angie’s bathroom.

As Rich taking off his soaked diaper, he thought back to how he and Angie met. It was in eight grade, and Rich had just transferred in from another town. Angie was one of the first friends he made, and one of the few he made that year. It was during Christmas break that Rich made the discovery that would ultimately change his life.

Rich was over Angie’s house just hanging out and talking about high school, which was starting for them the next year. Rich was trying to recruit Angie to go to the regular high school while Angie was trying to get him to attend the towns regional vocational school.

“How can you say the tech is a better school?” Rich asked, quite loudly.

“Cuz you get a trade on top of your normal education. Dude, your only in normal school every other week. How can you say no to that?” Angie retorted.

“Easy. The tech is division two and the high school is 1a. I don’t wanna play for a little pudunk school that gets no crowd.”

“Are you freaking kidding me? The tech gets way bigger crowds then the high school. The high school sucks at football! The tech has made the playoff for like the last 3 years!”

“I just don’t think that college recruiters are gonna be looking at voke school kids.” Rich though he sealed the deal with this one.

“Bullshit! Jamie McDavis went 1AA last year, you really think you can do better?”

“Bet your ass I can! Hey, I gotta check my email real quick” Rich said and jumped off the couch and walked to her computer.

“No, wait!” Angie yelled just as Rich moved the mouse, clearing the screen saver. What he saw shocked him.

It was a picture of a man in his late teens to early 20’s. He was laying in what looked to Rich like a baby’s crib, but it seemed bigger than a regular one next to the window in the picture. The man was sucking on a baby bottle, and was wearing only a white diaper. Rich stood awestruck for a moment before Angie ran over and shut the monitor off.

“What the fuck was that? What the fuck are you into?” Rich rasied his voice slightly during the last question.

“I…I…just leave!” Angie yelled as tears welled up in her eyes. She ran to her bathroom and slammed the door. “Just go away!!”

Rich stood there for a few more moments trying to let the events sink in. He turned the monitor back on to examine the picture more closely. He scrolled up and down the page, seeing similar pictures. He noticed the website at the top of the page as well. Diaperedfolks.org. Rich was perplexed as he quickly navigated a few pages of the website.

After a few minutes, he heard Angie’s sobs through the door. He didn’t want to lose her as a friend, that was for sure. He didn’t have many friends and losing what he called his best friend would strike a heavy blow to his social life. As the pangs of guilt from yelling at her started to sink in, he knew he had to talk to her about it.

“Angie” he said, knocking on the door, “Come on out, we can talk about this. Its no big deal”

Angie spoke loudly between sobs “Yea right! You’re gonna tell everyone about this! I’m gonna lose all my friends!”

“Angie, that’s not going to happen. I promise. Just come out, please!” Rich pleaded with her.

Angie slowly opened the door to find Rich standing with his arms wide open. Angie started crying harder as she walked into a monster hug. The two stood there for a few moments as Angie sobbed into Rich’s shoulder. Once she had subsided, Rich broke the awkward silence.

“Now, tell me about this” He said sternly. The next hour and half was spent with Angie slowly but surely telling Rich all about teenbabies, diaper lovers, and the culture.

“Ands that’s basically it. I like to wear diapers and sometimes pretend I’m a baby.” Angie finished up her speech. She had long stopped crying and was even returning to her confident self until. “Remember you promised not to tell anyone”

“I know, I know. And I’m not going to either. You can trust me. It actually sounds kind of fun…” Rich let that last sentence trail off as Angie almost chocked on the coke she was drinking. She was hoping to one day tell someone, hoping for at most acceptance. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that Rich of all people would call it “fun”.

“Are you serious?” Angie asked, a glimmer of hope in her voice. She wanted of all things for him to say yes.

“Yea, for sure. I guess that would be cool, being a baby with no responsibilities. All this pressure about what school to go to and being the new kid in town kind of sucks” Rich admitted. He always tried to keep up the image of the tough guy that can take anything and doesn’t care about what people think of him.

"Well…"Angie hesitated for a second, “Would you want to try it sometime?”

Rich thought for a second. “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think it would really be for me” Angies faced dropped. Rich could see the disappointment in her eyes and suddenly had a change of heart. At worst, he though, it would make Angie feel better.

“Eh, I guess I could give it a shot” he said. Angie’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. She jumped from her spot at the head of the bed and tackle-hugged Rich, who was sitting at the foot of the bed. Without saying a word, she walked over to her closet and began rummaging around as if she were looking for something. After a moment, she appeared with an adult small sized diaper. It was the first of many, many more for Rich as it turned out.

Rich turned the water off in the shower and got out. There were a lot of things going through his mind as this point. Is Michigan State the best school for him? Would Angie come with him? Should he finally ask her out? Did he clean all the lint out of his belly button? What did the do to Fully’s cellar door? Even with all this questions, one reigned supreme: Where the hell is the asprin?

Rich was on auto pilot as he dried himself and got dressed in the bathroom. He still had to go home and get his suit and his mother. In case your wondering, his father isn’t in the picture. Rich and his mother left Ireland when he was 9 to escape him. His father used to beat them both senseless and tried to pimp out his mom at one point. The pair drained the savings account and left to start anew in America. Rich’s mom was a doctor, and though she had a hard time initially finding a job in the new country, she eventually settled in at a new hospital and worked her way up to an administrative position. They were financially secure, and would continue to be if Rich wound up going to the NFL. Yes, Rich spoke with a slight Irish brogue.

“Alright, I’m heading outta here. You should really change that.” Rich said, as he walked out of the bathroom and noticed Angie had soaked her diaper. “By the way”, he continued, “I want you to be there with me. Up on the podium, I mean”

“Are you serious? No, I couldn’t. That’s for you and your mom.”

“No, really, get your shit, you’re coming with. Don’t wear a diaper though, we don’t want that on national TV”

“Yea, no kidding. Is it going to be live?” Angie said, scrambling to get her nicest clothes and get dressed. Rich motioned for Rich to turn around as she went to untape her diaper.

“Yea, but there is gonna be a few other kids there announcing their schools as well. Jones from Saint Johns Prep, Tonnalou from Reading high, and a few others. I’m going last though. Kind of like ‘the moment we’ve all be waiting for’ type thing I guess”

“Yea, you can turn around now”

“Ok, hurry the fuck up and lets go”

At precisely 1:28pm that afternoon, with Angie on one side and his mother on the other, Rich spoke the most important words he has ever spoken:

“After careful consideration that included input from my closest friends and family, research of the schools, and visits to several campuses, I have made my decision. I am verbally committing to attend and play football for Michigan State University in the Fall of 2008. I look forward to helping to continue the winning tradition of the Spartans”

After several long minutes of fielding questions from local reporters, Rich, Angie, and his mother were back in his truck on their way home. After changing back into street clothes, he and Angie were off to her house so she could change. As he was waiting in her room, Rich finally worked up the nerve to pop the question.

“Hey, do you, ummm, wanna go out tonight?” Rich said, obviously nervous

“Uhhh, we go out together every night…we’re like a couple” Angie replied, smiling.

“I was thinking about removing the like from that sentence” Rich said, a hint of disappointment in his voice. This is where all his confidence left him. He never had any courage with girls.

“Jesus Christ, I can’t believe it…” Angie said, looking shocked.

Life’s Path

I’m not sure I liked the little flashback bit - it was a bit of a hurried chunk of back-story, but otherwise, I’d like to read this story.

Life’s Path

It was a really good start and dropped us into the characters and story very effectively but I’m inclined to agree that the flashback seemed a little awkward and I think the impetus of the chapter suffered a little after it. Still, I enjoyed it; it was well written and the characters seem to have some substance so I’ll be reading.

Life’s Path

Do you guys think I should go back and rewrite the flashback? In this chapter I just tried to develop the characters and the backstories with diapers, because one of the more common complaints I notice about first chapters is that its not explained why the characters are wearing diapers.

Thanks for the comments guys, I’ll keep working on it.

Life’s Path

I think it would be good if you re-wrote it: it’s really up to you what you want to achieve: if you think you can improve it you may want to post a reworked version in the replies to this thread….

Life’s Path

Eh, if you want to then go for it but I wouldn’t worry about every little thing that could be improved upon too much. You did what you wanted to in this chapter, I just thought the structure suffered a little.

My advice would be to press on and maybe re-draft when the whole thing is done and post it in the completed section if you want to.

Life’s Path

Incidentally: Life’s Path

It has an apostrophe =D

Life’s Path

Heres chapter two. Let me know what you guys think. As always, positive and negative criticism is accepted and applied.

Life’s Path - Ch. 2

“What don’t you believe? That I’m asking you out? Never mind, forget I ever said it” Rich asked, the sadness creeping into his voice more and more with every word.

“No, that you finally got the balls to say something” Angie said, smiling. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to here that?”

“Nah, how long?” Rich asked

“Since this summer when we went to Water Country” Angie replied.

“Oh. Well why didn’t you say anything? Jesus you piss me off” Rich joked “Back on topic, what do you think about dinner tonight?”

“Sounds good to me. Where at?” Angie said as she pulled her token black “As I Lay Dying” sweatshirt on. Rich sat and thought for a moment as she walked over to her mini fridge and grabbed two cans of coke, tossing one to rich and opening hers.

“I dunno, how about some place we almost never go. Someplace nice…Café Escardril?” Rich replied as he opened his coke. Angie was so shocked she dropped her can, spilling it all over her jeans and the floor.

“Are you fucking serious? I love that place…” Her eyes were as bright as the sun on a clear day. Suddenly, the glimmer faded like a haze moving in and she looked disappointed. “There’s no way I can afford it though. That place is hella expensive”

“You really are a dumbass sometimes. I’m paying. Don’t forget I just got a full scholarship to Michigan State…I have money to spare”

“You really shouldn’t”

“I know, but I am” Rich said, a hint of arrogance in his voice. “What kind of man would I be if I took a lady out but didn’t pay?”

“A typical high school student” Angie replied. She had a point.

“Yea well, just get your shit together, I’ll pick you up at seven. Right now I’m gonna go home and take a nap. I still don’t believe I made that announcement hung over. Do you think anyone could tell?” Rich asked.

“Nah, you sounded fine, I kinda feel a nap coming on too. I’ll see you later”

“Peace” Said Rich as he walked out.

“Hey wait!” Angie yelled after him. Rich turned around with a confused look on his face. “I just thought of something. I don’t have anything to wear. You gotta dress nice for that place, don’t you?”
“You mean to tell me you don’t have one dress in that en…oh yea” Rich stopped mid sentence as Angie put the “Are you kidding me” face on.

“Well?” Angie pressed.

“Just wear the same thing you wore today?”

“Umm, hello, you can’t do that?” Angie said, her voice mockingly rising making it sound like a question.

“Well what the hell has ever stopped you before?” Rich asked, now extremely confused.

“You can’t do that with nice clothes” Angie said, quite seriously.

“You’re kidding me. Figure something out” Rich said and turned to leave. “I’ll never understand women” he said to himself as he walked down the stairs, saying goodbye to Angie’s mom as he walked out the door.

When Rich got home, he immediately went up stairs and changed into a diaper, one of the few he kept around his house. Rich flipped on his TV and layed down for his nap, wondering what he wanted to dream about that night. Rich was naturally a lucid dreamer, meaning that when he dreams, he’s aware of it. Lucid dreams are known for being incredibly vivid and realistic. He can control what happens in his dreams, so every night is literally the best dream he has ever had. There are some downsides, however. He occasionally gets false awakenings, meaning in his dream he thinks he’s woken up. This complicates things, as sometimes he doesn’t know whether he’s asleep or awake.

After some TV, he closed his eyes and relaxed, waiting for the falling sensation to let him know that’s he’s crossing over into the dreamscape. As soon as it comes, he almost instantly concentrates on what he wants to dream.

Out of the black, the surroundings of his room appear. His L shaped desk is in the corner, his TV on top of a stand to the right, next to it, and just in front of his TV stand is his mini fridge. He’s laying on his bed, however, in nothing but a thick white diaper. He looks out the window and sees only black, he knows for sure he’s dreaming now. He looks back to his TV, knowing what he’s about to see.

There is Angie. She’s standing at the foot of his bed clad only in a thick diaper, similar to the one Rich was wearing. She was showered with sunlight coming from the back window, and a light breeze caused her bangs to blow out of her face. She had a smile from ear to ear.

“You know your dreaming, right?” She said, maintaining her awesome smile.

“Yea, but I never want to wake up” Rich replied. It was like a normal conversation, as Angie’s dialogue came from Rich’s subconscious.
“Then lets get that soaked diaper changed” Angie said as she crawled up the bed and kneeled between his spread legs. She slowly untapped his diaper and pulled it down, revealing Rich’s strong erection. This is where Rich’s conscious thoughts took over.

“We’re gonna have to take care of that” Angie said, grasping Rich’s now throbbing penis in her hands. She leaned over and took it in her mouth, slowing moving up and down. Normally in a lucid dream, the dreamer has no feeling of anything around him, but Rich felt every bit of this, and didn’t want it to ever stop.

Unfortunately for Rich, it did stop. After what felt like 15 minutes, Angie suddenly stopped and looked at Rich. It was as though she was really there with him.

“You’re waking up” She said. No sooner did the words leave her mouth did Rich see the dreamscape being ripped from him. The falling sensation that meant he had fallen asleep now meant he was crossing back over into the waking world. He opened his eyes and sat up to do his wake test. He looked at his digital clock and noticed the time. In lucid dreams, the perception of time of time is the same as it is when your awake. He looked away and counted to ten, then looked back. Same time, he was awake.

After only have slept 15 or so minutes, Rich layed down and tried to sleep again. After the dream he just had, he couldn’t slow his mind down enough to slip back into the dreamscape. He still had a few hours to kill before he picked Angie up to go to dinner, so he continued to watch TV.

Things at Angie’s house were a lot different, however. Rather than trying to take a nap, Angie decided it was time to have a conversation with her mom. She walked downstairs to find her mother in the kitchen, reading a magazine.

“Hey ma, got a minute?” She asked

“Sure, baby, what’s up?” Her mother replied, putting down her magazine. Angie nearly jumped a little, her mother never calls her ‘baby’.

“Rich finally asked me out” Angie came right out with it.

“Jesus, its about time. When did he do it?” Her mother asked.

“When we got home from his press conference. He wants to go to the Escadril tonight”

“Really? Wow, how can you afford that?” Her mother asked, genuinely suppriesed.

“He said he’s paying.” Angie answered.

“Oh, that makes sense. What school is he going to?” Angie’s mom asked.

“Michigan State, which means I wont see him very much after he leaves” Angie said, sounding depressed.

“Well, you still have the rest of this school year, and all summer before he goes you know. Besides, he’ll be home for Christmas and every summer. I’ll miss him too, he’s like the son I never had. Wait…that means that you to going out would only be legal in Arkansas.” Angie’s Mom said with a laugh.

“Ha ha, I know, but you know we’re best friends, and there might be something here. I just don’t wanna lose him. I don’t know what to do, Ma”

“Well, for right now, just concentrate on finishing high school and picking a college. Give it a go with Rich, and if it works out, then we’ll talk about you going to Michigan State. You know I want you to stay around here, though.” Angies Mom said. Isn’t it funny how Moms can read minds?

“Mmmk. I still don’t know though” Angie said.

“Yea, well, you got a lot of time to think about it. Now go away, I’m reading” Angie’s mom said, smiling. Angie just smiled and walked back up to her room and left her mom to her magazine.

Angie got to her room and started to think. She always knew she liked Rich, but could never act on it. She has an image to hold up. She’s the hardcore, tough, take-no-shit girl that half the guys in school are afraid of. What would happen when people find out she had a soft spot? Everyone knows that Rich and Angie were best friends, and most of the girls in school we’re jealous of Angie for being so close to Rich.

She never wanted to leave Rich. She had dreams of her and Rich spending the rest of their lives together, happily diapered the whole way. She was kicking herself in the ass for not shooting Michigan State down when Rich had mentioned it. She wanted him to be happy wherever he went, but at the same time, she selfishly wanted him to stay close. Her only choice now was to make it work and go to Michigan with Rich.

About an hour passed with both Angie and Rich laying on their respective beds, in their respective rooms, in their respective houses, thinking much the same thoughts. Rich wanted Angie to come to Michigan State with him, Angie wanted Rich to stay home. Either way, they wanted to be together, and they hadn’t even been out on their first date yet!

That time was coming, however, and before they knew it, Angie and Rich were in Rich’s truck heading for the finest restaurant in town: The Café Escadril. This place was high society. You had to wear the right clothes or you couldn’t get in, valet parking was free, but the dinner will easily run you $50 a head.

Rich and Angie were seated at a small table in the middle of the main dining room. The appetizer portion was uneventful as the two teens were just talking about some of the latest gossip around their high school. It was halfway through the entrée that Angie dropped the bomb on Rich.

“So what are we gonna do?” She asked

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I was gonna eat my mashed potato’s and then cry when the bill gets here” Rich answered, making Angie laugh.

“No, asshole, I meant with this. With us” Angie said, still smiling. Rich put his serious face on.

“I dunno, I mean, we can see where it goes. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. We’ll still be friends. What I’m concerned about is what if it does work out, what happens when I go to Michigan?” Rich asked.

“Well, um, I was thinking about that today. I kinda…uhhh…wanna go with you?” Angie managed to spurt out. Rich choked on his water…yes, his water.

“Are you serious?” He asked, eyes wide.

“Yea” Angie answered, looking away. Rich felt feelings of elation and ultimate relief which were suddenly drowned by feelings of uncertainty.

“There’s no way your mom would let you go that far. Besides, what if this doesn’t work out?” Rich asked, very quickly.

“I dunno, I talked to my mom about it today and she just said to focus on this school year. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I want you to know that no matter what I want to go with you” Angie said, very slowly.

“Well…lets just focus on the now and we’ll jump off that bridge when we get there” Rich said. He reached over and took Angie’s hand and locked eyes with her. “I’m really, really, really glad you said that” He said.

“I know” Was all she said.

“I think I might cry” Rich said, looking depressed

“Oh…my…God…Rich. Are you really going to cry over this?” Angie said, very surprised.

“No, not over you. Here comes the bill”

Life’s Path

Did you perhaps base that place on this: http://www.cafeescadrille.com/

Also - I think the general done thing here is to post new chapters in new threads because no one notices when you do this.

It could have a little more detail in some places and the switch to present tense for the description of how he dreams was quite awkward.

Let’s have a smaller gap this time too!

Life’s Path

Thanks Nemo-

Yea, thats the place. I’ve been there a few times, and it seriously is nice.

I wrote a story a couple years back and posted to new threads, but it all got moved to one, so I thought thats what I ought to do.

Sorry about the big gap, but I had other things going on in my life that pulled me away from writing.

Thanks again.

Life’s Path

Heh, on lucid dreaming, I do the false awakening thing all the time when I don’t want to get up in the morning. Very irritating.

Good chapter though, I had kind of forgotten what happened in the first one because it’s been a while but that can’t be helped I suppose.

Life’s Path

Yea, I’m a natural lucid dreamer, so I kind of have insight on it. The false awakening thing does really get annoying sometimes.

Life’s Path

I hate to say it (mainly because it’ll make me seem a bit of a bastard), but usually I read people’s first story so I can watch a literary trainwreck unfold. That didn’t happen this time.

ninja edit: it may be that this is far from your first story, in which case I’d like to say “whoops!” and scuttle once again into the night.

Life’s Path

Thanks man,

This is actually only the second story I’ve written that I’ve actually put an effort into.

Life’s Path

Overall, I like this story. I think its a touch too fast-paced, but I can get over that. The only thing that really irritated me was your description of HOW he dreamed. The dream itself was okay, but the description of how he dreams really irked me for some reason.
Other than that I liked.