Life Again

Hi Guys this is my first post on this website, I’ve been thinking about this story for a while, hopefully this first chapter gets some good reviews. I’ll try to post regularly. Thanks for reading!

Life Again

It was dark. Very dark. Very, very dark… I awoke suddenly, drenched in sweat (amongst other things) and breathing heavily from the residual affects of the nightmare. Should I call it a nightmare, I thought to myself. More like a bad memory. Regaining my composure, I closed my eyes and attempted to fall back asleep, which wasn’t too hard as of late. As I was slowly slipping deeper into a trance I sort of laughed at myself, memories…


I don’t know who I am. I don’t know my name. I don’t know my age. I really know nothing besides that I am a prisoner. It had begun a while back – I was aware of the concept of time, yet my captors devoid me of anything that would give me a hint as to its passage and current whereabouts, so I had little practical use of it. I woke up for the first time in my prison, painfully aware of only one thing, the boredom.

When I first opened my eyes, it was dark, so dark that I didn’t really know if my eyes were truly open or not. My eyes took a while to adjust, but when they did, I realized the futility of my situation very quickly. Everything was illuminated by a soft pink ambience and I could barely make out the rest of my naked, hairless body only slightly as well as the soft boundaries of my cell. I discovered that I was being suspended in a fetal position and surrounded by soft, flesh-like membrane on all sides.

Panic set in, and it was rightly justified; not only was I entrapped inside of a very cramped space, in a very uncomfortable position, and had a tube protruding from by naval, but I realized that I wasn’t breathing. Although I seemed not to have any need to do so, I tried to open my mouth and respire anyway, but found it sealed shut.

So that was my situation. Of course I tried to escape. I kicked, squirmed, tried my best to extend my limbs fully outward, even turn myself upside down, but nothing seemed to help me break free from my jail. Exhausted by the effort, I drifted off into a dreamless sleep. When I awoke, I repeated the struggle, but again found it futile. Dispirited, I surrendered to the situation by relaxing my fighting, hoping that somewhere my captor would notice my good behavior and have the heart to free me. Well, that dream never realized itself…

Those early days were tough. I can’t remember if I had my memories back then, even if I did, I soon lost them to the monotony of my sentence. Day in and day out (I think it was day in and day out) I would maintain a pitiful routine of awaking, struggling, trying to entertain myself with my thoughts, which soon proved to be useless, so I just zoned out until I eventually fell back to sleep and repeated the process once more. I didn’t even have the pleasure to eat my meals anymore, everything being supplied through my feeding tube.

Some days, I would hear gurgled speech from beyond my cell, and straining to hear, never made out more than a few grunts. Sometimes there would be music, but those eventful days were always few and far between.

I lost track of how many cycles I went through at around three hundred. I became harder and harder to remember anything, the smell of an early autumn morning, the warmth of sunlight on my skin, the sound of my favorite band, Queen, the voice of the Jeopardy announcer. And as my memories faded, so did myself. Until one day when it changed.

Re: Life Again

This is great. I like the story so far and am very intrigued to see where you are going to take it. There’s just a lot of tweaks needed in terms of the writing. The plot is great, the introductions to each paragraph are great but your diction, syntax and punctuation are very off, which takes away from otherwise quality writing.

It was dark. Very dark. Very, very dark…
Your description of it being dark becomes very awkward the third time you use it. Instead of stressing the darkness, you could compare it to something or give an idea to just how dark without having to use the word -very.

When I first opened my eyes, it was dark, so dark that I didn’t really know if my eyes were truly open or not.

Here you did just that. It’s effective because it gives an idea of the intensity of the darkness, rather than just a benign description alone.

Regaining my composure, I closed my eyes and attempted to fall back asleep, which wasn’t too hard as of late. As I was slowly slipping deeper into a trance I sort of laughed at myself, memories

You misuse commas a lot. Rules for Comma Usage This gives a good description where they are to be used.

I was aware of the concept of time, yet my captors devoid me of anything that would give me a hint as to its passage and current whereabouts, so I had little practical use of it.

Good use of commas but devoid isn’t a verb as far as I know. It would be better if you changed it to …yet my captors had left me devoid of anything…

I woke up for the first time in my prison, painfully aware of only one thing, the boredom.

Again, comma misused. It should be a colon “:” instead before the boredom.

Otherwise, your writing is very smooth and passion filled. I look forward to reading more of your story if I haven’t, by chance, left you discouraged. The things I mentioned are very easy to fix and you can get into the habit of spotting them with practice.