(INCOMPLETE) When all else fails. A diaper dimension tale (CH 23 2/24/20)

Well here it is my first attempt at story writing in a very long time. I hope you all in joy. All feed back is welcome.


Here I lay on this gurnee in a strange hospital with these two giants, amazons they are called, standing besides me looking down at me. Rose has her hand resting on my arm gently rubbing her thumb back and forth, trying to keep her self calm or calm me down I’m not sure. Mark is standing there beside her with his arms crossed, wail I see love and compassion in his eyes I can tell he’s getting frustrated by the wait. And here I am legs spread from the bulky diaper taped snugly to my waist, completely at their mercy as I cant even so much as wiggle my toes.

As I break eye contact from rose I glance at only door into the room as it glides open on silent hinges. A middle aged Amazon with dark brown salt and pepper hair comes gliding through the door. The rhythmic suckling of the bright pink pacifier in my mouth speeds up as my anxiety starts to climb.

“Good afternoon Mr and Mrs Townsend, I’m Dr Richards. I apologize for the delay. I see you have you little undressed as we requested, and looking at his chart I’m a little surprised to see such drastic changes, but I guess you just wanted a little girl and found a boy instead” he ends in a little chuckle.

“Actually sir there is a little more to the reasons if you would look through her chart properly you would see that.” Rose says defensively over me as if I don’t even exist, but her hand stills over my arm and gently grips it telling me I am completely in her thoughts.

Dr Richards stumbles on his words a little “I…. Uh…. Yeah I see it here.” as he quickly glances at the papers in his hands. “I am sorry we normally don’t see Amazons that would go to such lengths for their littles wants.”

“Yes well you see she is special to us in more than one way.” Mark says with just a touch of venom on his words.
“Yes I can see that. Well we have the nanites programmed to your specifications. The nurse will be in, in just a moment to finalize the paperwork and start to put him…. Or her under. If you will excuse me” as he quickly turns and walks out the door.

Rose turns and looks down at my little form. “Sean are you certain this is what you want? You know from the first talks everything may not go as planned.”

“You know kiddo you mommy and I will always love and take care of you, no matter how your are. You will always be our little bambino.” Mark adds in a sulum voice.

I blush a little behind my pacifier at the nickname, as I reach up and pull it from my mouth “Yes I know you will Daddy, you both have been the best thing to have ever happened in my life. Mommy I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t sure. I can’t learn to truly love myself the way I am. I love you both more than you could possibly know.” Quickly sliding my paci back in. As a tear slides down my face, not even embarrassed at being 28 and calling these two mommy and daddy after only knowing them for 3 months.

A slim woman rushes in with three syringes and a clipboard. “I am Ms boyd I will be the nurse assisting today. You are Mr and Mrs Townsend correct?” after bread nods from both. “looking over the papers I see we don’t have a new name, have you two decided one one?”

Mommy looks down at me then back to the nurse “The three of us have decided on Shawnna”

“Aww that’s adorable, close enough that she won’t be confused when you call her.” She said quickly jotting down my new name. “Ok sweetie I’m going to slowly push these medicines in this little tube in your arm here, just be a good little girl and relax for me” she says to me in a very syrupy voice used for little kids.

As she gently hooks up the syringe and slowly pushes in the first of three in. As my mind starts to wonder back to how I came to be in this very spot.

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The Dr comes rushing in with a very large syringe as the nurse switched to the second syringe to put me under. As the surgical type room starts to fade I look over at mommy and daddy smile and whisper around my paci “I love you”

Just as another world, another life comes into focus. I’m 6 standing in front of my mom and dad. Mom is 5’5” fiery red hair that she has to keep permed in a tight spiral. Dad is 5’10” dark brown hair and eyes that can bore through you with just a glance. They are both yelling at me for something I did. I hear the words, they are just not making sense. I’m told I’m going to bed without dinner.

Six months pass I’m over my dad’s knee. Getting my behind tanned as he says. The words ringing in my ears “you will learn one way or another you need to keep your hands to yourself.”

Three months later my dad is yelling for me to get down to my room. I turn and run fearing the outcome if I’m not fast enough. I find my mattress and box springs on their side still on the frame. My dad is behind me “they will stay that way until I decide to put them down. Do you know why they are that way?” I shake my head I really had no clue, I followed all the rules I know I did. “You didn’t clean your room like your mother told you to.” they stayed there for two weeks me sleeping on a concrete basement floor.

Three months after my eighth birthday I find myself over my dad’s knee again. They got me a boxing toy, one of those inflatable ones you hit and they come back up. I was curious as to how it was made, so I found a plastic knife and went to cutting. Boy was that a mistake. I didn’t hide it well enough.

Four months after my tenth birthday I come in the house after school. Both my parents are sitting at the dining room table. I can tell right away my dad has been crying. Mom looks over at me and says “Sean we need you to sit down for a minute we have something to tell you.” I sat at the kitchen table across from them, as if I’m sitting on egg shells, waiting for whatever bombshell they plan on dropping now. “There is now easy way to say this……. Your grandfather Fredrickson died this morning.”

I try to wrap my head around what was just said. It can’t be, he’s 6’3” fit as a fiddle. He’s my rock my shining light in the shit hole I call a life. All the good memories turn to ash in my mind as my world crumbles around me. I don’t even have the emotions to cry, I’m numb from the inside out. I stare blankly at her as she finishes what she was saying, I blanked out I don’t recall if there was anything after.

It takes two months and we are now living in grandpa’s house. There is no room for me the only boy so I sleep on the floor of my sisters room. I sleep there for six months as my parents slowly clear a room out just enough for my dresser and bed. Once I’m there I start thinking and dreaming of simpler and better times. Times when I was just a baby and was loved and cared for.

Image after image fly past, this little boy… wait that’s me sitting alone under the play structure at my new school in as small of a hole I could find. Not really fitting in anywhere. Being locked out of the house for not collecting firewood for the house. Getting slapped and belittled for cutting some logs wrong. Joining wrestling in high school every match hoping just one of my parents would show but never being there. Yet always attending anything thing that my two sisters were involved in.

Throughout this time my dad drew further and further away. Pulling so far back he might as well not even been there. But his insistence that boys don’t do this, or walk this way, or don’t do that with their hands sticks and won’t let go. Mom on the other hand gets more and more violent, more and more verbal. Never going past the line into abuse but toeing it enough times it left the scars nonetheless.

I decided the only way I could escape this life is to join the military. On my eighteenth birthday I signed up as a Navy corpsman. To ship out in four months for bootcamp. As graduation time neared I sent the date and invitation to my parents. Thinking there is no way they would fly half way across the country for this, for me. But their they where they showed. And that was the first day since that day many years ago I saw some life in my dad’s eyes. “I’m proud of you Sean.” was all he said, but in those few words they spoke the world.

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Looking forward to more! Take your time on the back story as you need to, I could see a lot of chapters before you get back to the present you’re in at the beginning!

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Chapter 2

My parents stayed for a couple days after the graduation I spent the time with them. Surprisingly mom seemed to have respected my growth after boot camp because she didn’t treat me the same. Not an equal, but not as some little thing she could bully and push around. My dad after the first day reverted back to his old ways, physically there but mentally checked out.

The morning I checked into corps school, the A-school to teach us how to save lives. Was uneventful I was put up in the barracks that was more like a hotel then what you may think of. As I stepped into the room I see two beds on either side of the room with a night stand at the head and a wardrobe next to that framing a window separating the room. At the foot of the bed is a desk and chair to study at.

I had one roommate who seemed to be as quiet as I was. I started out “Hey there I’m SA Fredrickson looks like we are rooming together.”

“Hi I’m SR Newkirk, yes so it seams. What do you think the schools ganna be like?” the other responded timidly shaking my hand.

“I’m not sure, as long as it’s better than bootcamp.” I nervously chuckle

Newkirk rolls his eyes “Anything has to be better than there.”

We quietly set about unpacking our gear and and getting to know each other a little as we warm up to the company. Turns out he was from Ohio just a quiet little town and joined the Navy as there was nothing but farming in his future back home. I kept most of my past secret and just stated I joined to get away from a dead end job and no other prospects.

The next morning there was an orientation to the school. We were introduced to the rest of our classmates. Instructed that there was going to be 5 “red badges” one CO, one XO, one MAO, and two EPO’s the student leaders of our class. The two EPO’s would be decided with the results of our first test.

The rules where really rather simple because the school was three months long we where allowed off base in civilian clothes and on the weekends we didn’t have to be on base unless we were in trouble for something. The base was open for our roaming. After the rules we were lined up and marched to to our first class. The class was set up just like I remember from high school a bunch of seat desks combos lined in rows. There was a dry erase board at the front for the instructors to write on. Three hours of class we marched to lunch. After a quick lunch it was back to four hours of school.

After classes we were dismissed to do as we wished. We were to report back to the class at 0800. So I went back to my room Newkirk and I decided that it would be a good time to go explore the base see what all it had to offer. We found a bowling alley, and the NEX (Naval Exchange) we went in and bought to start 3 sets of civilian clothes. It felt nice to be able to even just buy them after months of the same uniforms. We wandered back to the galley where we had dinner then up to the room for the night.

The rest of the week went similar to the first day, class stated at 0800 till 1200. Marched to and from lunch. Class again until 1630 then free until the next morning. We had PT 3 days a week when we had to be ready at 0630.

Friday came quick and our first test. We took the test right as we got into the class, and had the results after lunch. As we all came in after lunch the instructor called “Fredrickson, Johnson, front and center face the class at attention.” Johnson and I glance at each other as we quickly do as ordered. “Class 425 these are your two EPO’s. They are the two that had the highest scores on this last test. They will have to maintain a 3.5 and not fail a single test if they do another will be selected. They will lead any remedial studies that will be held for those of you that fail any test. Three test failures and you will be held back a class, three after you will be dropped from the school and another assignment will be found. Is that clear?”

We all respond as one “YES PETTY OFFICER.”

The red badges where pinned on the right breast right over our name badge. We were then dismissed back to out seats and class proceeded as normal.

When Newkirk and I returned to our room we discussed a little of our plans this coming weekend. I had learned of a local mall and there were Van’s just outside the gate that would take you there for a small fee. He was just going to study and stay in. I quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt then headed out.

The ride to the mall was uneventful even though it was $15 for a 20 minute drive. After roaming the mall for an hour or so, I decided that I needed a cellphone and a laptop. Found myself at one of those cell phone kiosks, the ones splattered in the middle of the malls that you have to walk around to get anywhere. Bought myself the best phone money could buy and a plan to match. The best part of being fresh out of bootcamp three months of pay just stocked in your bank account.

I soon found myself in a electronics store looking at the laptops completely lost in what I was wanting. An attendant came over “Can I help you sir?”

“I’m not sure. I’m looking for a laptop that I can do some minor online gaming that would be good for school work as well.”

“Well sir these here in the mid range will work from that short description. The night has a little better graphics and more memory, but any of these three would do well.”

“Thank you sir, I think I will take this one.” pointing at the more expensive of the three.

“Great choice, I will have it waiting for you at the counter when you are ready to check out.”

“Thank you I will just browse a little longer and be right there.” as I looked around i grabbed myself a shoulder bag and a mouse for the laptop and went to the counter.

“Find everything you were looking for?” the cashier asked cheerfully, but I could tell the cheer wasnt sincere.

“Yeah thanks to the assistant I was able to find what I needed thank you.” I said adding a small smile of my own. As she rings up the items

“Would you like the 2 year service plan added it’s only $50.”

“No thank you.”

“Ok your total today is $865.95, how will you be paying today?”

“Debit. Why can’t anything be an even dollar amount.” I gripe with a little chuckle, as I swipe my card and punch my pin.

“Thank you and have a wonderful day.” she says with a chuckle herself, one that i can tell is sincere as the smile reaches her eyes.

I grab my bag and walk out feeling good that I could cheer someone up even for just a moment. I spend another hour hitting other shops for more clothes. Then find myself waiting for a van back to base. $30 this time but thankfully there where 3 others that we split the cost.

Back in my room Newkirk asked how “How was the trip? Was the mall even worth the trip?”

“Actually it wasn’t to bad, and it’s like most malls maybe a little bigger than I’m used to but not bad.” as i started to pull out my new purchases. Placing my phone on the nightstand and pulling out the box for the charger.

Newkirk glances over from his own phone that his parents brought for him between boot and school. “Nice phone”

“Thank you I went and got a laptop as well. Figured it may come in handy for studying.”

“Yeah like you need to study hard. You nearly aced that last test. I just barely passed.” he gripes tossing his phone on the bed so he can look at me better.

“Hey I’m sorry this stuff just comes naturally to me. If you need help with anything I’m right here. Hell I am an EPO now.” I state not even sure how I’m going to manage being in charge of helping people learn this stuff. I quickly unpack my new laptop and place it on the desk, pull out the cord so I can charge it and get the start up process going.

I sit at the desk and pull out my phone adding numbers that I have in my memory. Parents sisters, the few friends I had back home. As the the laptop finishes up its initial start up and install of everything. When it is finished I unplug it and take it over to my bed, setting up the wifi and jumping online.

Being this is my first time really away from any authority figure, I start looking into those feelings I had so many years ago. Those feelings of wanting to be small and loved and cared for. I find some information on ABDL, and the whole caregiver and little relationship. I find myself drawn to the whole concept and wanting to experience it myself. I glance at the time realize it’s now almost midnight, glance over at the other bed. I see Newkirk passed out and he had turned the lights off. I must have been so drawn into what I was reading I didn’t even realize he had done that. I close all the tabs i had up closed the laptop and snuggled under the covers drifting off to sleep myself.

Chapter 3

I woke up in the morning after the strangest of dreams. Not only was I being cared for like a baby, but i was a girl as well. I decided i was going to take the day and relax. Do some more research and try to wrap my head around the dream I woke up from.

As I sat up in bed I glanced across the room seeing the other bed made neatly and no one in it. Thinking to myself well I guess he decided to get an early start. I climb out of bed and gather a set of clothes for the day along with my shower caddy. I walk down the hall and slide into the communal shower. Slide into a stall close the curtain and undress. Start the water and let the warmth just wash over me as I finish waking up.

As I scrub down a few people come in and out but no one says a thing. I rinse off shut down the water and quickly dry. Stepping out and dressing fairly quickly. As a fellow class mate comes in. We casually say good morning to each other but that is it. As I walk back to my room my stomach grumbles reminding me I need to go get some food. Stepping into my room I decide to give a mom and pop cafe that I saw right off base a try.

I quickly through on some socks and shoes and head out. I get the the cafe, read the sign “the blue moon cafe” with an image of a full blue moon behind the writing. I glide in the door and find it quite. A few people around but not very busy. A sign at the front counter reads, “please seat yourself” as I see an empty booth and slide in. I pull out my phone looking for something to pass the time waiting for the waitress.
“how can I help you today?” a middle aged woman, with shoulder length dark brown almost black hair asked, in a drab voice saying today is going to be a long day.

I look up a little startled “I will take some coffee to start with. Give me just a moment one the food. Thank you” as she turns to walk away “save the cow” I call back to her. She looks over her shoulder with a questioning look. “No cream” I explain.

She turns back with a little chuckle and pours my coffee. I quickly look at the menu and decide on a western omelet, I have always liked those.
As she returns I quickly tell her my order and grab the coffee for the first swig of the morning. As I sip my coffee I start surfing the internet on my phone trying to find some rhyme or reason behind the dream I woke up with that morning.

I don’t find anything worth looking to far into before breakfast comes. “Thank you” I state quickly before she dashes off to help another customer.

I quietly ate my omelet savoring each bite, casually flipping through different sites about the ABDL community. “how’s the omelet? And would you like some more coffee?” I hear the waitress ask besides me.

“It’s great thank you for asking, and I would love some more thank you.” I mentally shake myself, I need to stop getting so wrapped up in what I’m looking at online. She quickly refills my cup and continues her rounds.

As I finish my breakfast she slips by refilling my cup one more time and leaving the check. I slowly finish my third cup as I let the food set, as i drink the last swallow of my coffee i slide out and grab the check and head to the head to the the cashier. As i wait the waitress comes up and starts to ring me out. “How was everything today?”

“It was wonderful thank you. I think i may have to make a weekly visit as long as I’m in town.” I say with a smile on my face. I quickly pay with my debit card and head back to base.

When I got back to me room I pulled out my school stuff and started to study. I studied until my stomach decided to tell me that i was hungry. Glancing up at the clock i realize it is dinner time at the galley and quickly make the walk down there for dinner. After dinner i head back to my room pull out my laptop and do some more research. Newkirk is in the room by then. I ask “How has your day been?’

“Ohhh you know just exploring what’s around. I found my way to the mall first thing this morning. When did you wake by the way. You must have been having a strange dream. You were mumbling in your sleep.” He states as he stretches out on his 6’2” frame on his bed.

I nervously chuckle “yeah i remember it being odd just don’t remember much of it.” I quickly lie and hope he lets it go.

“Yeah i have those sometimes, if you start to get to loud i will just throw something at ya. Do the same if i get loud” he chuckles at his little joke.

I chuckle as i pull up the search engine and continue my site browsing. The rest of that day and the next go rather uneventful. Monday rolls around and the start of a new week. I learned that we have tests every friday, so i’m not expecting to start any study sessions as EPO until the week after. The week went by in a blur ending in a near perfect score on that weeks test.

The weekend was about the same with the exception of going to the mall. Those strange dreams continued, with slight changes each time and no calling out. I decided that I would make the blue moon cafe a weekly stop every Sunday as i treat before the start of the new week.

Monday came and the scheduling of the study halls. There would be two sessions a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Jackson the other EPO would take the Tuesday I would take the Thursday.

The week flew by next thing I knew I was up in a different class room waiting for the study hall people to come an hour after class was released. I had a tentative plan of what I wanted to go over, but was going to ask where the help was needed most first. A few people came in then she did, about 2 inches shorter than me, skinny as a rail, dirty blond hair pulled up in a bun. Her name badge read “Chappa” and i felt drawn to her.

“Okay let’s settle down. Now what do we all need help with?” I start the study session with. As it turns out they all needed help with different parts of today’s lesson. So I settle in and start from the beginning.

After an hour of going over the material. We call it for the night. As I gather my stuff I wait for everyone to leave. As I close the door behind me she is standing there just down the hall eyeing me with lust filled eyes. I walk towards her. “Hi I’m Sean Fredrickson” I present my hand for a shake.

“I’m Carol Chappa nice to meet you. Are you doing anything this weekend?” She responds in turn. Daintily shaking my hand.

“Not right now do you have any plans?” I ask with a slight blush.

“Actually some friends and I are getting a hotel and having a little party. I wanted to know if you would like to come?”

I respond maybe a little too quickly “I would love to. Where should we meet?”

“we are all meeting at the smoke deck at 1800 on Friday. Hope to see you there.”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” I assure her.

I head back to my room head swimming with what I may have just gotten myself into. As I step into my room I quickly say hi to Newkirk, undress and climb into bed. As I drift off to sleep my mind is fixated on her haunting looks with her piercing green eyes.

Chapter 4

I woke the next morning to the sound of my alarm going off. I blindly smack the nightstand looking for my alarm to get a few more minutes of sleep. From across the room I hear “I’m up, I’m up.” I open my eyes and find my alarm, shutting it off I roll out of bed. Grudgingly I get up and get dressed, grab my razor and go shave. Never having a whole lot of facial hair to start with made it a quick process. Heading back to the room where I see Newkirk still in bed.

“Hey it’s time to get up” I holler at him.

“Yeah, Yeah I am. I’m just checking my eyelids for leaks.” he mumbles

“yeah sure you are. You know we can’t be late get up already”

He slowly climbs out of bed, and gets himself ready. We head to the class room together to get this day over with. As we step in I look around and see Carol sitting chatting with some others. She quickly waves. I return the wave and find my seat, placing my work material in front of me. The day goes quickly it helps when distracted with the prospect of going to a weekend long party that night.

After classes Newkirk and I walk back to our room. “Any plans this weekend?” he asks.

“Actually I do. Sr Chappa invented me to a party this weekend.”

“Oh that’s cool I think I’m gonna head to the mall and going to catch a movie.”

“That’s cool. Sunday night we can get some study time in. I noticed you have been flirting with that fail line.”

“Yeah I will get some in this weekend and the help will be appreciated.” he states with a slight blush.

I quickly strip out of my uniform and head down for a quick shower. After the shower I head back to my room, get dressed and ready to head out. “see ya Sunday James.” I say to Newkirk as I head out the door.

“See ya Sean”

I walk over the the smoke deck, where I see Carol and a few others. Looking at my watch I see I still have 30 minutes. Carol glances over “nice to see you made it. We are just waiting for a few others. We will go get the rooms, then Jack here will go get the alcohol.” she says to me as she turns a little, and gives me a little hug.

“Sounds good” I say hugging her back.

As we wait slowly joining the rest, the conversation is about who is with who, and general gossip. A pair, I learn are Chris and Mary, are talking about what was taught today. When the rest show we all pile into two cars and head to a nearby hotel.

There were eight of us all apparent couples. We got there and got two adjacent rooms. We quickly found our rooms and we all handed Jack $20s and he headed to get the alcohol. As Carol and I sat on one bed we talked about our past. I glossed over all my past traumas leaving it as simply a quiet childhood. Hers, on the other hand from the way she talked about it, she was feed with the proverbial silver spoon. she joined the military to slight her parents.

I decide before the alcohol got there to order pizza for all of us. The Pizza and the alcohol arrive at the same time. As we all dig into the pizza, the alcohol starts to flow. We turn on the TV to some movie channel as Jack breaks out a small speaker and starts some music off his phone. As the time nears 10:00PM we have to turn the music down because of a noise ordinance but the partying continues well after midnight.

As everyone finds their way to a bed I find myself in bed with Carol where, in our drunken state, we proceed to have sex. I won’t contest to the quality as we were both so drunk we couldn’t stand straight. We quickly fell asleep in eachothers arms after.

The morning came quickly I was the first to wake, I gently slide out from under Carol as she slept. I go to the bathroom and quickly take care of my morning needs. As I step out of the bathroom I glance around the room and see the total disaster it became from last night, and start to clean up.

About 30 minutes after I started I flop back on the bed with a slice of pizza waiting for others to wake up. I pull out my phone and start looking at the pages I found about abdl.

Jack was the first to wake. “did you enjoy your night?” he asks with a quick wink.

“of course, it sounded like you had a good night as well.” I say with a chuckle

About 20 minutes later Carol woke up and I decided to treat her to breakfast. We decided that after she freshened up we would walk to the blue moon cafe. As we walked there she asks “Last night was fun wasn’t it?”

“it was, I had a blast. Is this your every weekend?” I respond.

“well last night was the biggest. This was the second weekend of parties. I know that I am not going to want this every weekend though.” she responds thoughtfully “there will be several that it will just be you and I” she adds with a little wink.

I feel my cheeks warm with a slight blush “oh yeah? I didn’t think I was that good last night, I was rather drunk”

“yeah so was I. But I’m hoping I can find out how you are without the alcohol tonight”

“That we can definitely do. I think I’m liquored out for the weekend.” I smile back at her.

As we arrive we find a booth. The waitress comes by “Can I get you to something to drink as you look at the menus?”

I look over at Carol “I will have some coffee thank you.” she says.

“And another coffee for me.” I added. As we wait for our coffees we look through the menu and quickly decide on what we are getting.

As the waitress arrives with the drinks. “Have you two decided?”

“Yes ma’am we have” I respond and look over at Carol.

“I will take the Belgian waffles.” Carol states eagerly.

“The western omelet for me please.” when the waitress walks away with our orderI ask “So what would you like to do today?”

“Well what would you say to going to the mall, and maybe catching a movie later?”

Glancing at my watch I realize it’s already noon. “sounds great we can decide what to watch there.”

Conversation turns to the school and what she needs to succeed and pass. And we decide to do a weekly study there at the blue moon Wednesday nights.

After we eat I pay and we head to the mall. We wonder around for several hours. Stopping at the theater we pick a romantic movie to watch that starts in a couple hours. We go back to the mall and pick up a few more outfits for the two of us.

As we went in the theater I got us a popcorn and drink to share. We chose seats that were about half way up. The arm reacts raised out of the way. So I sat and she cuddled next to me during the movie. After, we made our way back to our room, and got ready for the night.

We had sex again that night and I am the type of person that insures my partner orgasms before I do, which she greatly appreciated. We quickly fell asleep in each other’s arms.

The next morning we checked out and headed back to base. As we parted ways going into our respective barracks we hugged and kissed. “See you tomorrow?” I ask

“Of course we are in the same class” she teases back.

I chuckle and watch her enter the door. I turn and head up to my room. “how was your weekend?” James askes as I walk in.

“it was great.” as I sit at my desk and give him a quick rundown of the weekend.

“sounds like you had a lot of fun” he says with a smile.

“I really did. Just wondering where it will lead to you know?”

“well don’t rush things.”

“no definitely won’t.”

We spend the rest of the day studying. Then get to bed early for another long week. As I fall asleep I can’t stop thinking over the weekend and how she may just be the one.

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I want to apologize I am trying to get the next chapter finished just been having a hard time getting into the writing. I’m off the next couple days so I hope to get the next chapter out then.

Hello to all that have read the start to this story. I havent forgotten it. But havent been able to finish the next chapter yet.

First, whatever word processor you’re using doesn’t seem to auto-capitalise the first word in a sentence if it starts with a quotation mark (or the first person singular pronoun), so you might want to go through that manually to fix it. (There are quite a few instances of this in your text.) I know this is a minor thing, but it bugs me to no end. There are also a few typos and other minor stuff that a quick spell check should fix.

Second, and this is more of a personal annoyance of mine: You don’t have to tell us that you haven’t finished a chapter. We are able to figure that out from you not posting a new chapter. Just posting something to the tune of “I haven’t been able to finish anything yet, but it’s coming” looks a lot like a rather sad attempt to bump your thread to the top of the front page.

I know writer’s block is frustrating and that getting feedback on a story is fun, but if you’ve been stuck for four months, maybe you should give the story itself a break. You could start something new. That might give you a new perspective on the story you’ve been trying to tell. It might lead you to rewrite parts of the story to move the plot forwards. And that’s OK. The stories posted here are usually meant to be works in progress. And if none of these things help, then remember that there is no shame in just admitting that you’ve written yourself into a corner that you can’t get out of. We all have lots of half-finished projects that either never got off the ground or that just stopped halfway through.

I do apologize and appreciate your feedback about the story so far. It was not my intention to bump my story. And I am moving forward with it again

Chapter 5

The next month flew by as we settled into a routine at school. Carol and I had our weekly study sessions at the Blue Moon. James and I studied every Sunday. I kept them both in the school and kept my red badge. During the month the other EPO was changed twice and the CO and XO had swapped.

Carol and I had gotten very close and spent just about every moment outside of school that we could. We learned that the only way we could guarantee that we would be together after school was to get married. After we learned that we started discussing if that was what we wanted to do. One weekend we were at the mall and started looking at rings and I got an idea of what she liked and wanted.

That Thursday I head out to the mall myself. And go to the jewelry store and find the perfect engagement set. And start to have it sized. They tell me that the rings would be ready Saturday and they will give me a call.

The next day Carol and I head to our normal hotel. Rent a room for the weekend and head to it. When we get in I say “Hey do you wanna go catch a movie sometime tomorrow. I hear a new one was coming out and thought we could go watch it.”

“I would love to. Are we going to make it a dinner and a movie?” she asked as her eyes light up.

“But of course, is there any other way?” I ask playfully as I kiss her passionately.

We spend the night in each other’s tender embrace. The morning comes and we head to blue moon for a quick breakfast before heading to the mall. During breakfast the jewelry store calls “Hello” I respond.

“Mr Fredrickson, I was just calling to let you know the ring you ordered is ready for you to pick up.”

“Oh great thank you.”

“No problem sir you have a great day.”

“You as well.” As I hang up the phone.

“who was that?” carol asks

“just something I ordered is in. I will get it next week. I want to spend the weekend just us.”

“are you sure?”

“yes I’m positive.”

“okay” she responds with a smile. We finish our food and make our way to the mall.

At the mall we take our time walking around enjoying each others company. As we go to step into a store I excuse myself to the restroom. Instead of the restroom I quickly find my way to the jewelry store to pick up the rings I bought.

We make our way to the theater and get out tickets for about 3 hours after. We then find a restaurant and have nice dinner before the movie is to start. We quickly order our drinks and food. After the drinks arrive, my hand is in my pocket holding the ring case. I stand and kneel next to her.

“Carol Chappa, will you marry me?” I stumble over my words as i ask this very important question.

She places her hand over her heart “yes, yes i will” she whispers as she starts to cry. I slide the ring on her finger and take her in my arms. The tables around us that overheard congratulated us.

Our dinner arrived, as we ate we discussed how when and how we would get married. We decided on going through a justice of the piece for the quickness that we could get it done. And decided on a reception later on.

After dinner we made our way to the theater arm in arm. She would randomly raise her hand to admire the ring. We watch the movie and bliss then head back to the hotel for a night of love making.

The next morning we wake up together make love again then make our way back to base. I walk her to the front of her barracks kiss her goodbye and head on to mine.

On my way in my head is swimming with thoughts of the diapered community I have been flinging I fit into. And how was I to tell my fiance about my thoughts. During my study session with James I am distracted by my thoughts of how to tell her. I decide that in the morning I will invite her to dinner off base Wednesday and tell her then.

That morning I met her outside her barracks and walked with her to the school house. “Carol I have something we need to talk about. Can we go to the blue moon Wednesday for dinner to talk?” I ask along the way.

“Of Course we can.” she responds with a worried tone in her voice.

The first part of the week progressed quickly. Wednesday after class I rushed to my barracks quickly got changed and ready for the dinner with Carol. I met her outside her barracks so we could walk to dinner together. On our way to the Blue Moon, she says “So what was it you needed to talk with me about?”

“We will talk over dinner” I simply state with a smile on my face as we hold hands and walk to our dinner.

Chapter 6

When we arrived at the diner, we find our normal booth empty even with a small crowd. As we sit the waitress comes over with two cups of coffee as she is the normal waitress we see. “Its great to see you two again how have you been?”

“We have been good thank you” I respond

“Would you both like your normal for this evening?” She asks.

“Yes please” I simply state.

“So what is it that you where so eager to speak with me about?” she asks with a smirk on her face.

I begin to blush as I start “Well there is a side of me that I haven’t told you about yet.” I say as I glance at the table in between us.

“And what is that?” She asks with concern in her eyes.

“I…… I like to wear diapers.”

“Okay and what does that mean?” She asks with a little venom in her voice.

“It means I like the feel of them. I like to be treated like a kid at times” I respond in defense to her unspoken accusation.

A confused look comes over her face “So you want to be treated like a baby sometimes?”

I bashfully look at the table and nod.

“Well we can try this weekend, I don’t know what to do or anything but we can try”

“thank you” is all I can say as our food is brought and conversation turns to school.

After dinner we quickly find ourselves back at the base and separating to our separate dorms. I gently kiss her good night before she heads in the doors. On my short walk to mine I think about what I had just done.

The weekend comes incredibly quick as I attempt to get everything, I think I will need for the weekend. Diapers, wipes, powder, a bottle and paci. Trying to get it all without being seen was harder than I had expected but I managed to get it all.

Friday after class I rush to my barracks room pull out the bag I have everything in, look through it and check to make sure I have it all. Quickly change in the excitement of what this weekend will bring. Rush out to wait for Carol to come out of her barracks.

After a 20 minuet wait she comes out and askes “do you have everything you need? And are we ready to go?”

“I think so” I respond with a grin.

She takes my hand and leads us to the vans to head to a hotel. When we get in the van she reaches across me and buckles my seat belt for me. “there you go little one” she whispers as the belt clicks.

When we arrive at the hotel she unbuckles me takes my hand and leads me from the van to the office where she rents our room for the weekend. She leads us to our room. When we get in she takes the bag from me and says “lets see what we have in here.” She opens the and starts taking things out. The first is the bag of cheap store brand diapers, and says “I guess I need to get you into one of these now don’t I?”

I nod as I lay on the bed on my back. She comes over and slowly takes my pants and boxers off. She opens the package reaches into the bag pulls out the powder sprinkles it on and gently rubs it in. “lift you butt as I slide this under you” I start to sense there is a little tension in her voice.

I lift my but and she slides the diaper under me. As she pulls it up between my legs, I blush as I start to get hard. As she tapes the diaper she looks at me with a smirk “you really like this don’t you.” I blush as I nod my head. “lets see what else is in this bag of yours.” As she starts pulling things out “why is every thing for a girl?”

“I don’t know, I just like the designs”

“Ahhhhh, okay” she simply states, as she opens the Paci and slips it in my mouth. We cuddle and watch TV the rest of the evening. After I wet the diaper, I have to stand up to actually go, she changes me we have sex then go to bed.

The next morning she asks “Can we just be us today, I need to think about last night”

“Yes we don’t need to do anything today. I thank you for hearing me out and allowing this to happen. Do you think it will happen again?”

“Yes it will happen again, just give me time.”

“Okay no problem” as I let it go. We go out for breakfast and enjoy the rest of the weekend as we normally would. We also start to talk about our plans for next weekend as we are getting married then.

I first want to apologize to my readers. i meant to work on this story as i healed from surgery but it just didn’t happen. i wanted to do a lot but i spent way too much time in bed. but here is the next chapter i hope you enjoy.

Chapter 7

The week flew by, next thing I know I am getting ready to get married. We meet outside her barracks, I am wearing a pair of black slacks white button up shirt and a black tie, she is wearing a simple yet elegant white dress. We head to the vans bright and early Saturday morning. We are going to Waukegan courthouse. As we pull up, I start to feel my pules quicken as, second doubts start to fill my head.

Carol reaches over grabbing my hand, “is everything alright?”

I nod my head, “yeah just getting a little nervous, you?”

“I’m excited” she exclaims with a big grin on her face.

We gently slide out of the Van and walking hand in hand we step into the courthouse. Walking to the receptionist we check in and find some seats to wait our names to be called.

As we are sitting there, we watch the bailiff step out of the courtroom and call people up. After the fourth time he calls out “Chappa verses Fredrickson”

We stand and taking each other’s hands we walk into the court room. And go stand in front of the judge. “Miss Chappa, Mr. fredrickson you are standing before me to get married today correct?”

“Yes you honor.” We say in unison.

“good then, Miss Chappa do you take this man to be your husband?”

“I do” she simply states

“Mr. Fredrickson, do you take this woman to be your wife?”

“I do” I say with a grin

“I now pronounce you husband and wife” He claims. “the frond desk will provide you with your marriage license and all regarding forms.”

We turn towards each other and kiss each other deeply. Then turn and head out the doors. We head to the front desk and obtain our paperwork. As we step outside, we hug and start laughing. We begin walking towards the tram station to head back towards the base. As we near the base we get off at a station then head to a motel just down the road. I step in and get a room for the night thank the lady then head out.

“well Mrs. Fredrickson are you ready to head to our room?”

“Yes Mr. Fredrickson I am. And please don’t call my Mrs. It makes me feel old.” We both chuckle as I lead her to our room.

As we enter the room, I turn her and kiss her passionately, as we begin to slip out of our cloths and stager to the bed. I lay her on the bed our lips never parting, and we begin to make love. After we are done, we clean up get dressed and head out to dinner. We quickly get to our normal restaurant and find a seat holding hands the whole way. After a quick dinner we head back to the room and spend the night deep in each other’s embrace.

The next morning, we go to breakfast and then head back to the base. We part ways and head to our barracks. As I enter my room, James is there and looks up at me inquisitively.

“everything went great James” I state as I roll my eyes.

“you mean she didn’t leave you standing out there all day and night like a fool?”

“No she didn’t.” I say as I chuckle. “are you ready to get this studying knocked out?”

“Yeah lets do this.” As he turns towards me and we spend the rest of the day studying.

On Monday Carol and I submit all the appropriate papers, and we are told that we would be collocated with our orders.

The rest of the school went by in a flash, I graduated top 5 in my class. After graduation we are given our next orders. Carol and I compare our orders, she is going to the hospital at camp Lejeune, I was being stationed with the marines. I had a school to attend for 4 weeks before I was to be stationed there, the good thing is it was in an adjoining base.

When carol and I got to the bases the first thing we did after checking in was submitting the papers for us to live off base. It was instantly approved but during the week I needed to stay on base, as there was a lot of PT that was done first thing in the mornings.

Carol and I was able to find an apartment off base and moved in the first weekend we could. The apartment was a simple two bedrooms with a kitchen, bathroom, and living room. We head out and get all the furniture that we need for the apartment. They tell us they couldn’t deliver it until Monday, so we stop at another store and pick up an air mattress and a TV to watch.

As we cuddle and watch tv as my mind began to slide back to wanting to wear diapers. “Have you given any more thought about letting wear diapers?” I ask.

“I haven’t but you can get a pack, as long as its not all the time and you go slow.”

“Thank you” I simply say.

As we snuggle in for the night, we gently make love. The next day we take it easy and just enjoy each other’s company. We went to bed early as I had to get up early to start classes. In the morning I woke to my alarm and quickly shut it off. Slid out of bed got a quick shower and went back to the bedroom to get dressed. As I stepped in, I stopped and watched Carol sleep and though how lucky I was to be her husband. I quietly got dressed and left for the week.

The week drug and flew by all at the same time, early morning PT fallowed by class after class. On Friday after class I headed to my car with all my laundry and headed to the apartment. When I got there Carol wasn’t home yet so I decided to head to the store to buy a pack of diapers.

When I got to the store, I quickly found the adult diaper isle and was suddenly very self-couscous about what I was going to buy. What would others think, what would others say. I grabbed a pack and started walking to the register. The closer I got the more my hands began to sweat, I placed the bag on the counter and the casher rung me out. She didn’t say anything about my purchase besides normal pleasantries.

I drove home, as I stepped into the apartment, I realized Carol was home, I placed my bag but the door and rushed to give her a hug and kiss. “I missed you” I said as I held her.

“I missed you too. What did you get at the store?” she gently prods.

I head back to the door and pull the pack out of the bag and show her. As she looks at the pack, I miss the look that flashes across her face. “I am about to start dinner do you want to help after you put those up?” she asks.

“sure thing” I say as I walk into the bedroom and place the pack in the closet. I walk back into the kitchen and begin to help her cook a simple spaghetti dinner. As we sit in the living room, she asked how my seek went. I fill her in as best I could and ask about her week. Fine was the only answer I got. We spent the rest of the week cuddling and just enjoying each other’s company. Sunday evening we went to bed early as we both had to get up early to start our long week.

Glad to see this back! Unfortunately I have a feeling the floor is about to drop out for the poor guy…

WARNING!!! Abusive content may be triggering for some readers

Chapter 8

The next two weeks flew by as I forgot about the diapers I had bought and stashed in closet. Our weeks found a very happy routine. During the week I would be at the school learning what I needed to, to keep a marine alive on their worst days. On the weekends Carol and I would truly enjoy each other’s company. Each day we fell more and more in love and I was thinking that life couldn’t get any better and she was the best time to come to into my life.

On the Friday before the fourth weekend I remember the diapers that I bought. When I got home finding that Carol wasn’t home I went directly to the bedroom and put one on. As I finish I hear the door open and I hear Carol call my name. I step out of the bedroom in nothing but my green T-shirt and the diaper.

I catch her roll her eyes and sigh. “Take that damn thing off” she says.

I stopped and stared at her for just a moment. “I am sorry I just thought.” I start.

“well you thought wrong” she snaps as she interrupts me.

“okay” I mumble under my breath as I turn around and step back into the bedroom. I quickly take it off and get redressed. When I rejoin her in the living room, she acted as if there was nothing wrong. The weekend progressed as if nothing had happened. Monday morning comes to quickly as it always does. I kissed her goodbye as I left the house, my mind swirling about what had happened Friday.

The week went by and it was more taxing then the rest. As I drug myself home Friday I find a note from Carol.

Sean I am sorry I have duty tonight. I will be home late.
Love you

I read the note twice to make sure I had it right. I quickly thought that tonight would be a good night to indulge in wearing. I head to the bedroom pull out a diaper from the pack, thinking if she really had that big of a problem with me wearing why hasn’t she thrown them out. I put it on, head out to the living room to watch tv in just my t-shirt and the diaper.

As I am sitting on the couch relaxing, I can’t stop looking down at myself marveling at how the diaper feels against me and that I don’t see the bulge that I would normally see in regular underwear. My stomach starts to grumble, and I think it is about time to go get something to eat, I head into the kitchen and make a quick meal. I begin to feel my bladder and I have to really concentrate to let it out. I am shocked at the warmth that spreads across the front of the diaper and travel down between my legs to settle and soak into my diaper.

I collected my food and went to the living room to eat. As I finish, I start to fall asleep on the couch. I am awoken by the door opening and the yelling of Carol “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT YOU DAMN NASTY PIECE OF SHIT FALLING ASLEEP ON MY DAMN COUCH IN A FUCKING WET NASTY DIAPER. YOU FUCKING PERVERTED ASSHOLE.”

I jump up off the couch and start to stammer out some excuse. She marches over and I don’t even recognize her. The look on her face is like out of some slasher flick where the killer is about to kill their victim. She begins to slap and hit any part of me she can reach, as she continues to extenuate every other word with another strike. “TAKE THAT NASTY FUCKING THING OFF. I HATE THE IDEA I HATE YOU FOR IT AND I CANT STAND BEING AROUND YOU. YOU FUCKING PERVERT”

I rip the diaper off and stammer out an apology as I cower in front of her.

“Go get fucking dressed and clean yourself up I don’t want to smell your fucking piss”

“I am sorry” I mumble as I walk back to the bedroom to grab some cloths and took them into the bathroom for a quick shower. I glance and see her on the phone with someone. As I get out and dressed, I walk out to the living room. “All of those disgusting things need to get out of my house NOW!!!”

I quickly dash to do as she ordered I grab the near full pack and take it into the kitchen where the trash bags are and place the pack in an empty bag as a tear slides from my eye, my mind trying to wrap around what happened why she is so angry and not coming up with anything. I pick up the wet diaper that I had left in the middle of the floor and throw it away. And quietly take it out to the large trash bin outside.

As I start back to the apartment. She is storming out with her keys in hand. “I can’t stand the fucking sight of you I am leaving.”

“Please don’t, please stay I am so sorry” I start to cry.

She storms past gets in her car and leaves as I am crying on the walk and slowly walk back in. I close the door and slump against it sliding till I am on the floor as the wracking crying starts. I manage to crawl to the couch. I climb up and cry my self to sleep right there.

I wake to the smell of cooking bacon. I stand and stagger to the kitchen and see Carol cooking.
“Carol I am sorry for last night” I say as I see her.

“you should be, I can’t believe you would think I would be ok walking in with you like that. I can’t do that I can’t stand even the thought. It makes me physically ill.” She says

“ok I won’t do that again”

We let the conversation go and I put the thoughts of diapers as deep into my memory as I can. Just like I did as a kid about my gender. The weeks flew by and our relationship started to get back to normal. She snapped at every little think I did, and I shrugged it off.

As school is a few weeks out from finishing I came home one Friday night. “So next weekend I will be spending it in the field” I tell Carol after I gave her a hug and kiss.

“Yeah right you found someone to go play diaper buddies with. Well I sure FUCKING hope she is worth your damn marriage.” She begins to fume.

“No I have put all that behind me I swear it’s a field op to finish up school.” I explain

“You where told at the beginning that you wouldn’t need to be there during the weekend so I know your fucking lying”

“No, I am not lying, what am I to do when they spring this on me. I told you as soon as I could. I am sorry. But I have to be there.”

“What the fuck ever.”

We try to make the best of the weekend. Monday morning comes and she wakes a little as I give her a kiss goodbye. “Have fun with your nasty ass diaper buddy you cheating asshole.”

The Wednesday after my time in the field we graduate, and I don’t have to check into my next command until Monday. I head home with a heavy heart and a little eagerness to be with Carol for the long weekend. I think as I drive that this weekend, I am going to do all I can to make this the best weekend I can. I do love Carol, or I wouldn’t have married her. I get home and I start getting things out to make a wonderful dinner for her so it will be ready as soon as she gets home.

As soon as she steps in the door I can see on her face that she had a bad day. “what the fuck are you doing?” she says as she slams the door.

“Well I graduated and I don’t have to check in until Monday so I thought I would surprise you with a nice dinner and spend as much quality time with you this weekend as we can” I quickly say

“Oh, well that would be nice. Since you weren’t here last weekend. And I did have a crap day”

The weekend flew by even though it was really a great time. As we crawl into bed Sunday night I think tomorrow will be the start of a new adventure.

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Chapter 9

“HN Fredrickson, welcome to 1/2.” Chief Smith states sitting behind his desk. “we have assigned you as a line Corpsman for Alpha company. They are in the field for a couple days so when they return HM3 Sheppered will introduce you to the unit commander. For now you will be in the BAS helping with sick call and learning the way things work here. Any questions?”

“No Chief I am just eager to get started” I simply state

“As you are probably aware, we are getting ready for deployment in a month there is still a lot of training you will need to go through before we leave. Alpha company will insure you are trained in all that is needed before departure. You aren’t the only new member to their company.”

“I understand and I was maid aware of that as I was checking in. thank you for all the information.”

“not at all I want your time with us to be successful. Head into the BAS find HM1 Baker he will let you know what to do.”

“Thank you chief” I say as I turn and head out of his office. As I step into the BAS I quickly find HM1 and introduce my self.

“Well sick call is over for the day. We are working on organizing for the deployment. HM3 Shults is in the supply locker why don’t you see what you can do to help.”

I find the supply locker and start helping. The next 3 days I spend in sick call and in the locker moving and unpacking boxes just to pack them in another box. Its tedious work but I can tell that I am helping a lot. The good thing about being at a command and not in school is I can go home every night. I am free from work at 4:00 PM and its like everyone gets out at exactly the same time. The traffic is horrendous. I get home about 30 minuets after Carol gets home.

“What the fuck took you so long getting home.” Carol yells with her arms crossed.

“The traffic coming off base was horrible.” I say simply

“Yeah that’s what they all fucking say. Who did you find?”

“seriously no one Carol. I came right home as soon as I was released.”

“Yeah whatever. Dinner is ready” she turns and walks into the kitchen.

“Dinner sounds amazing. Thank you”

We sit down in the living room flip on the TV and just relax and talk about our days. “Wait so your fucking deploying in what a fucking month. What the fuck am I going to do” she says as I can tell she is starting to get irritated.

“well we knew when I was stationed with, the marines there was a likely hood that this would happen. We will get thought this I promise.” I say sympathetically as I gently place my arm around her shoulder pulling in for a hug.

She relaxes into my embrace and we finish our show like that. After the show we head to bed. The next 3 days go by the same way. When Alpha company returned, I was quickly introduced to the company commander, and assigned my squad. My eight-man squad is going to the rang the rest of the week I am instructed to gear up and go with them.

At the range we are learning and practicing clearing rooms and houses. As well as practice shooting and quick and effective ways to drop an enemy. Each night we don’t get back to the unit until 4:30 and it takes and hour and a half to clean my rifle and check it in. of course, I gave Carol a call before as soon as I knew I was going to be late letting her know. It didn’t seam to matter much as soon as I got home, she blew up on me accusing me of cheating again and going back to my diapers. As I try to explain again why I was late I quickly learn that it doesn’t matter what I say. So, I just let her go off and blow her steam.

As the weeks progress and the time for departure our field ops become more and more frequent to the point, I am away from home more often than at home. I lean that PT with my squad and company is a pain a lot harder than when I was in school, but it is needed. I am expected to go as far as any of my marines and back if they get hurt. I get really good at the range.

When I a home I try to make the best of it. And show her all the love I have for her. Even when it seams all the love is one sided. Once a week we would gather all our gear, and have it inspected to insure we still had it all.

As the day of my departure arrived things had settled down between Carol and me. She drove me to the unit to see me off. I introduced her to some of the members of my squad. We ended up hanging out with PVT Patrick Jessup. He had quickly became one of my closer friends.

“Damn doc you got your self a good woman” Patrick whispers in my ear.

“Yeah I found my self a real catch didn’t I” I say back as I glance at her.

“what are you too talking about over there?” Carol says gently elbowing me in the ribs.

“oh, nothing just how much I love you” I say bending over to kiss her.

“Ok you two that’s enough” Patrick says as he chuckles.

“You just keep this idiot safe out there Patrick” she glances over my shoulder looking at him.

“Oh you know I will do my best.”

We get called to muster up and start to load the busses. I give Carol a kiss as I get in formation. We load the bus and as we start to drive off, I watch out the window and see Carol crying. I sit back in my seat and relax for the drive to the plains we are taking to Iraq.

“Don’t worry Doc, you will see her again” Patrick says as he relaxes into his seat next to me.

“I know, I know still just my first deployment and not all that easy.” I say with a sigh.

“I know, its mine also. Just ain’t leaving anyone behind”

“I am starting to wonder if its not for the best” I say with a chuckle.

“No, you have the better deal. I am going to get some shut eye. Make sure I am up when we get there.”

“you act like Gunny would let us sleep though” I say as I laugh.

When we get to the airport we file of the bus and go straight on to the plane. we take our seats. As I watch the ground move by faster and faster then start to drop away from us as we take off. My thoughts turn to what we are headed off to do and where we are going.

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Chapter 10

I step off the plane in Kuwait we where all told that we where going to be here for a week as our bodies acclimate to the weather. I barely take 3 steps and I am already sweating. Its like standing in the sun on a 100-degree day with a blow dryer on hi in your face. We are all filed onto busses to make the drive to the base.

After our week we get loaded up on the military transports to cross the border into Iraq and up to our base. The drive up besides being way to long was completely uneventful. When we arrive at our base, my company is assigned 3 tents and I find my bunk with my squad.

“god doc this damn heat is killing me” Patrick says to me

“I know that’s the damn truth” I say as I chuckle.

That day and night was uneventful. We where woken with explosions all around. As I roll out of my bunk I am throwing on my gear on and out the tent. I see where the explosions are going off and fallow my squad in away from them. When the mortars stop falling on the base I run towards where they had landed to help who I could. Luckily, they had all landed in an empty part of the base and no one was injured.

“well that was one way to wake up” I say with a sigh as I walk into the tent.

“Definitely not the good morning I wanted to experience” Patrick says behind me. We head in and drop off the gear we normally don’t need on base. Our squad Sargent comes in the tent in a rush.

“Squad form up!” he shouts fast walking towards us. We all fall in line and wait for what he has to say. “as you are all well aware, we were just attacked. It now falls on our company to start regular patrols around the base. We pulled the short straw and are up first so gear up. Meet me out front of the tent in 10.” He turns and heads to his tent to get himself ready.

“Damn there goes getting a little breakfast.” I mumble “Remember guys fill your camel backs with water before we head out. I don’t want to you to fall out as we are out there.” I tell the squad as I turn to my gear and start throwing it on. In less then 10 minuets we where all geared up and in formation. We load up in a pair of 5-ton trucks and head out the base. We go about a mile from the gate when they stop, we disembark and start our patrol. Our patrol rout takes us around the base a mile out. Slowly working our way around clearing where we need to.

We found where they launched the mortars from and destroyed the tubes. It took us most of the day to finish out patrol and thankfully it went easy. No one was on the streets, or as soon as they saw us the moved away with a purpose. We finish our patrol marching through the gates. As we make our way to the tent. I quickly evaluate everyone making sure they are still sound. I remind everyone to hydrate as we head in.

I drop my gear and literally flop into my bunk. “hey doc lets go get some chow” Patrick says as he sits in his bunk right next to mine.

“god that sounds amazing, that and sleep.” I say as I sit up. We stand and head to the cow hall. We have a lunch if you can call it that. It was at least food. When we get back to the tent I lay in my bunk and shut my eyes for a few. About an hour later I get up and head over to the BAS to check in and see how everything is going there.

On my way back I decided to stop by the phone center to give Carol a call. I talked to her for about half an hour. We talked about mandarin things as I couldn’t tell her too much about what was going on. As we where wrapping up our conversation, we said our said we loved each other, and I promised to try to call weekly.

After the call I headed to the chow hall to eat dinner. Then off to the tent to sleep the night away. The next morning, I was able to get up and into the chow hall for breakfast before we headed out for our patrol. I get back to the tent gear up and check my med pack to make sure I still have everything I need. I remind everyone to refill their water. And am told that I don’t need to remind them all the time. We all have a little laugh about it as it was all done in jest.

We load up onto the 5-tons again and head out. We get off not far from where we departed the day before. Our patrol rout is a little different and all goes well for about an hour. Then all hell breaks loose. We start taking fire and with the first round we find the closest cover we could and begin to return fire.

I find myself crouched behind a waist high brick wall. As I rise to return fire, I feel chips from the bricks peppering me I pop off a couple rounds doing what I can to aim where the shots are coming from. I am finally able to aim at a shooter and I drop him. Then duck back down. As I drop, I see Patrick move positions crossing an open area in the process. As he enters, he falls and slides a little to his left. I rise again and fire and take another shooter out. As I come back down to reload, I hear “CORPSMAN UP!!!” and my heart stops for a second. One of my guys was hit. I look over to where the call came from and still see Patrick where he had fell.

I dash over to him placing myself between the fire and him. I roll him over and instantly see the blood coming from his right shoulder. From a quick look I can tell he was hit by a round and it went from his back and out his front. I quickly cut his BDU to get a better look at the wound. I notice bubbles in the blood that tells me his lung was punctured. He reaches up and grabs my flack jacket “Doc, how bad.”

I interrupt him “Patrick let me work you will be just fine.” I quickly wrap the front wound as it was larger with an occlusive dressing. Preventing any air flow in or out and keeping it clean. I do the same to the back but leave one side open allowing air out but not in.

As I rise to drag him further behind cover, I feel this sharp stabbing in my back as my legs turn to jelly under me. I collapse and fall over to my right side next to Patrick. As I land my mind explodes with pain. Its like my abdomen is being ripped apart and being pulled out of me. “Doc, Doc you good” Patrick asks. I try to speak but nothing comes out all I can do is shake my head. I hear Patrick call out, “DOC’S DOWN”

Next thing I know one of my guys is dragging Patrick to safety, and another is grabbing my arms to pull me along as well. “Don’t worry Doc we got you” As he starts pulling the world goes black and I pass out.

Chapter 11

I start to come around and there is a lot of noise around me, I open my eyes and I realize I am in a field hospital. I don’t know how long I was out or where I am. I try to sit up to realize I am strapped down to the stretcher. As I look down there are 3 straps across me, one over my lower legs, the next waist then finally across my chest. I notice I am hooked up to an IV I don’t know what’s being pumped into me. I feel the pain from before I passed out but its not as bad as before. The thing that concerns me the most, I can’t feel anything from me waist down. I try to move my toes and there is nothing.

A nurse notices I am awake and briskly comes over to me pulls my chart at the foot of the stretcher. “I see your awake finally HN Fredrickson” she says with a small smile, like she is trying to disarm me before I blow up.

“where am I? How long was I out? What happened?” I croak out realizing by throat is very dry.

“You are at a field Hospital in Kuwait; you have been unconscious for 3 days. When you arrived, you where in critical condition. You where shot in your lower back and had to go in for emergency surgery. You are scheduled to be medevac’d to Germany in 2 days. I will have a Dr some around and explain the rest for you.”

I lay my head back as a tear start to form in my eyes. My mind a swirl of emotion and thoughts of what happened. “Pvt Jessup, is he ok. Did he make it?”

“Yes, he is just fine. You saved that mans life. You both came in together you where the worse of the two of you. He has already been transferred to Germany you needed to be stabilized further before we could transport you.”

“Thank god.” I say more out of habit then any actual faith. “Is there any way I can get something to drink my mouth is so dry. And these straps can the go?”

“unfortunately, we can’t get you anything to eat or drink just yet. And the straps need to stay. I can free your arms though.” She undoes the strap across my chest allowing me to free my arms then promptly fastens it again.

“That would be appreciated thank you. Is there anything I can get to get a little moisture in my mouth ice chips anything?”

“I can get you a swab stick with a little water for your mouth but that’s all I can get you”

“Please” I almost beg anything to get the dry cotton mouth feeling out.

“sure, thing I will be right back and let the Dr know you are awake.” She turns placing my chart back. I lay by head back on the pillow placing my arms on my chest. I am thankful that Patrick was safe. Wondering the whole time what happened to me when I was out. A few minuets later the nurse returns with a small glass and what appears to be a white straw sticking out of it. She places it on the bedside table and turns grabs the chart and starts to notate something.

“Thank you” I say reaching over to grab the cup. As I look in, I see that what I thought was a straw is actually a plastic stick with a green sponge at the other end. I pull it out and place it in my mouth feeling the moisture instantly soak into the skin of my mouth.

“your welcome if there is anything you may need my name is Jannet. And the Dr will be here in just a few moments he is talking with another patient.” I glance around realizing that I was basically in a long hall with a lot of other patients all around.

As I lay there I quickly loose track of time. A guy soon walks over grabs my chart and says “Its good to see you awake finally. I am Dr Soraski I am sure you are full of questions. I promise to answer what I can but if I tell you I don’t know I really don’t.”

“thank you” I say after a moments silence. “what happened to me? Especially here. Last thing I remember was being drug by one of my Marines then waking up here.”

“Well you where brought in a few days ago by helo. You had a gun shot wound that entered you lower back right under your flak jacket and traveled through your abdomen getting trapped in the front of the jacket. You where rushed into the OR where we found two of your vertebrae where completely shattered. Luck was on your side the bullet passed thought your abdominal cavity with out rupturing any of your intestines, there was some patching that we had to do that is why you can’t eat or drink yet.” He paused for a moment to let that all sink in.

“So what damage was done to my spinal cord?” I choke out as I start to get emotional realizing my life, my career was ended in a flash.

“We believe it was completely severed by the bone fragments. But there will be further testing in Germany when you get there. That’s why you are still strapped down. We don’t want you to move too much in case it wasn’t severed. You are going to have to have probably several more surgeries one for curtain to fuse your vertebra. We are going to be getting you out of here in a couple days we just need to make sure you are stable enough for the flight. Right now, you have a catheter in place, so you don’t have to worry about having to pee.”

“I didn’t even know. I can’t feel anything from my waist down.” I sob as I just can’t hold back my emotions anymore.

“I am so sorry” the he says at a complete loss of words. “if you need anything don’t hesitate to ask if we can get it for you, we will.”

“Thank you” is all I can mumble as he places the chart back and moves on. The next days drag and fly at the same time. The nurse comes around those days and we form a fast yet short friendship. She really helped me come to terms with what happened and when I needed to cry just sat there holding my hand. When it’s time to go, two aids come to my bed side with the nurse.

“well it is time for you to go.” She says looking at me. “It has been a pleasure getting to know you, I hope everything turns out good for you. These two are going to carry you out to the transport and travel with you to the airport to load you onto the plane.”

“thank you, thank you for all you did, and all the time you spent talking with me. I really needed the friend.” I hold my arms out for a hug, she bends down and gives me a hug well the best she can do as I can’t move.

As she pulls back, I see a tear in her eye. “you take care of yourself; I am glad I was able to be the friend you needed. I…… I needed it also.” The aids take there positions one at the feet one at the head of my stretcher. They pick me up and start to carry me out. I reach out to take her hand one last time and out hands just brush as I am carried by.

The aids get me situated in the transport. There are 3 others in there already. When they close the doors, I feel us start to move, its an odd sensation laying and feeling a vehicle start to move when you can’t see out. As we are driving, I doze off into sleep, that is disturbed by every turn and bump in the road as well as the dreams that have been haunting me since I awoke.

We stop and the doors are opened. As I look out the door, I see the nose of a Military transport plane that we will be taking to Germany. They start unloading the patients starting with me. As we exit, I see there are several other transport vehicles that where being unloaded as well. They place me in one of the racks and make sure my chart is tucked under my legs. They cover me with a blanket and leave. When all the patients where loaded the doors close. The Flight crew comes around checking to make sure we are all secured and to prepare for takeoff. As we start to taxy to the runway I fade back into sleep.

Chapter 12

When we landed in Germany, we were all taken off the plane and moved into military ambulances and transported to the hospital. When we got there, we were quickly triaged and moved to the appropriate units and into rooms. With in a few hours of getting to my room I was sent down for a CT scan. About an hour after I got back to the room, a Dr comes in.

“Good evening, I am Dr Wrens I am going to be in managing your care as you are with us” Dr Wrens says as he shakes my hand.

“Good evening” I say.

“You CT scan results are back, and I have good news and bad. The good news there is no additional damage to your intestines. The bad, well your spinal cord was severed not only by the bullet but as well as the bone fragments. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to repair the damage. You will be paralyzed from the waist down. We are going to schedule you for surgery in a few days to place some rods to stabilize your spine. Hopefully we will be able to send you state side in a week or two. If you have anyone you need would like to call, we can have a Sat phone brought in for a few minutes.”

“I really do need to give my wife a call. If I could use the phone, I would greatly appreciate that.”

“No problem I will have the nurse bring it buy. The nurse will be able to let you know when we can get you into surgery.”

“thank you”

“you are welcome. I am sorry I didn’t have better news.”

“You are fine I would rather know the truth then some lie just to appease me.” He nods as he turns and heads out the door.

In the morning the nurse brings the phone by “I am sorry hun but I can only give you 10 minutes.”

“Thank you, I will explain that to her when I speak to her.” She turns and heads out the door as I start to dial the number.

The phone rings a few times and Carol answers “Hello”

“Hey honey its Sean”

“Oh my god. How are you I was told you where injured but don’t know anything else. Are you ok?”

“Well yes and no. I am ok, yes I was shot. It went through my back and out my stomach. Luckily there wasn’t a lot of damage, but it did sever my spinal cord and I am paralyzed.”

“Oh shit. I…. I need some time to process this. When will you be home or when can we talk again?”

“Well I should be home in a few weeks I really don’t know when we will be able to talk again.”

“Then I will see you when you get here. Love you.”

“Love you too.” And she hangs up. I flop my head back on my pillow and sigh in frustration. I press the call bell the nurse comes in just a few moments after.

“That was quick. Everything alright?” The nurse asks

“Yeah I think. She said that she needs time to process what has happened to me.” I say as I hand the phone back.

“I can understand that it’s a lot to take in.” I nod and agree.

A day later I was in the OR to have the rods placed. Everything went well and recovery was smooth. I went though a little physical therapy and psych therapy. PT to learn how to sit with my current physical condition. Mental to work thought the emotional trauma. I had started eating it was slow at first, just liquids to get my intestines working again, then on to soft finishing with a regular diet. I quickly learned the problem with eating, what goes in must come out at some point. I had no control of when it came out, I would be laying in bed or sitting in my chair then I would smell that I had messed myself. It was incredibly embarrassing having to be cleaned by someone else. A little part did like the fact that I had no control but still embarrassing. It soon became a fact of life. I still had the catheter in, so wetting wasn’t an issue it was just the messing that had to be cleaned. The nurse comes in one day and talks with me.

“So, we need to discuss the catheter, you have two options keep it in or take it out. If it stays in, you are going to have UTI’s. it’s a fact of having a catheter in. Without you won’t but will have to clean up more often.” She says to me.

“Well then let’s take it out. And see how it goes, with no feeling I am afraid I wouldn’t know when a UTI started.” I say, as I start getting excited deep in the back of my mind.

“Ok I will make the notations and be back to remove it.” When she comes back, I watch as she removes the catheter and I watch my urine just dribble out the head of my penis. “well that’s a good sign” she says, “we know you won’t be retaining anything now.”

The sitting was not a problem there was of course pain but nothing I couldn’t manage. I was taught how to transfer into a wheelchair myself but instructed to have help as I was in their facility. The week flies by and I am due to transfer state side the next day. I had gone down to the in-hospital store and picked myself up a few things. One being a portable DVD player and some movies. As the time comes closer, I feel more fear about what my life will be like when I get home.

The next day I am wheeled out to the transport and taken to a more civilian aircraft for the flight home. I sleep off and on and watch the movies I had bought. It takes almost 24 hrs. to get to the hospital that Carol works at. I pick up the phone as I was settled and give Carol a call letting her know that I had made it safely, and where I was. She simply tells me that she will see me the next day.

The next day yearly in the morning. The regimental Senior Chief comes to visit me. “HN Fredrickson Its good to see you are well. I am sorry to inform you that you have been medically discharged from the Navy. I have you discharge paperwork here with me a representative from the VA will be stopping by in the next day or two.” He hands me a folder.

“I kinda figured that was coming. Thank you for stopping Senior Chief I know you are a busy man.”

“Don’t think on it. I gladly put anything on hold to see one of my men. You did well and served with honor.”

“Thank you again.” He shakes my hand and leaves. I open the folder and read my discharge form.

Around noon Carol comes in to see me. She looks angry and set in a course of action. She gives me a brief hug and backs away. “listen Sean, I can’t do this. I can’t be with a fucking cripple the rest of my life. What is that damn smell. Did you shit yourself.”

I blush “yeah it’s not like I have any control.”

“you damn nasty fucker you wanted this and now you have it. You can just sit in your shit I can’t live like this. I didn’t marry a fucking cripple, a fucking diaper pissing and shitting cripple none the less” She throws a manila envelope on my lap “Don’t fucking call me. Don’t fucking talk to me. I can’t stand the sight of you” as she turns and storms out the door.

I am at a complete loss; I slowly open the envelope pull out the papers to find they are divorce papers. My head flops back as I start to cry, my world has completely fallen apart. I knew she wouldn’t be happy but this. This was too much I lost everything my career, my wife, my home, what was I to do now.

Chapter 13

It takes 3 days for the VA representative to visit me. “Good morning Mr. Fredrickson I am Sara Roth I am going to be helping you with your claim and get things going for you.” She says as she reaches to shake my hand.

“Good morning.” I take her hand with a small smile.

“I took the liberty to look up some of your medical information. And you will be set at 100 percent disability. Now we just need to figure out where we are going to get you. I see you are married.”

“Actually, Carol served me with divorce papers my first day back. I have reached out to an attorney and already signed and submitted the forms.”

“Oh, what a bitch, I am sorry to hear that. So where would you like to go?”

“Well I am guessing that leave back home with my parents. But I am not so sure how they will take all this. I haven’t been able to talk to them lately.”

“Ok I will start getting plans together to get you out there. We will first transfer you from here to the VA hospital closest to them, and that facility will work with you and your family to get things situated for you at home. There may be a possibility of getting you some vocational rehab so you will be able to work.”

“That would be great I tend not to sit still well.” Then I start laughing, as the realization that that is exactly what I will be doing the rest of my life hits.

Sarah chuckles a little herself “well it’s good to see you can still laugh. I should go and start getting things together for you. Give your family a call and arrange what you can. Here is my card. If you have any questions or concerns just give me a call.”

“I know I have the phone in my room, but would there be any chance in me getting a cell phone. I don’t know how we would go about it. Never mind I will just stick with this.”

She smiles and apologies as she heads out. I reach over to the phone. Quickly dial my parents’ number. I get the answering machine leave the number I can be reached and hang up.

It takes three days for my mom to call me back. I explain what had happened. “Nope, nope, nope I will not have another baby in this house for longer than necessary. And you, you big baby, moving in here is longer than necessary.”

“The fuck mom. I have nowhere to fucking go. You’re going to abandon your own son when he needs you the most.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t have a son. He died in Iraq.” My mother says as she hangs up the phone

That is when I realize I am truly alone. No family, no one. I put the phone down, just as Susan knocks on the door and enters.

“Well I have a flight and transport lines up for you tomorrow. You will be at the VA in Portland, until you can plan to get home. Is everything ok?"

“I don’t have a home to go to. My mom just told me I died in Iraq.”

“Oh, well um, unfortunately I can’t change anything.”

“That’s fine Portland is as good a place as any to start over, I guess. Thank you for all your help.”

“Your welcome. I am sorry I couldn’t do more. I am going to give the social workers over there a call and give then a heads up. Maybe they can start working on something. I wish you luck and hope you take care.”

“Thank you again.” I say as I turn my head to look out the window. Three days later, I am in a similar bed looking out a similar window in a completely different city. The transportation and flight to Portland was very smooth. The nurse who checked me in told me they will have the social worker come visit as well as set up the therapies I had begun in Jacksonville.

An hour after the nurse left. There is a knock on the door. I look over but the door stays closed until I say they could enter.

“Hello Mr. Frederickson.” This tall athletic woman says as she takes measured steps into my room.

“It’s Sean can you all please just use Sean.” I snap, “listen I’m sorry I am near my wits end and am snappy. How can I help you.”

“No need to be sorry anyone would be with what you have been through the few months. I am Jen Vego” she holds out her hand. And I shake it. “I’m one of the social workers here and you have been assigned to my case load. Is there anything I can do to help your transition a little easer?”

“Well I don’t know how long i will need to stay in the hospital. But when I am released, I have nowhere to go. So, if I could get some help finding a place that can accommodate someone in my position. I think I can get the rest.”

“That won’t be a problem. We have a list of apartment complexes that are well accommodating. I will give them a call and give you a list of who has an apartment you could rent. I know you will be fit for an electric wheelchair and go through more therapy. I should let you go so I can make those calls.”

“Thanks” is all i can think to say. I turn to look out the window again as she leaves.

I end up going through more physical therapy to learn how to change myself and how to care for myself now that it is needed. I get a power wheelchair that I can lay completely flat to help with my changes. I found an apartment that I could easily live in. Due to the occupational therapy I was able to find a job. But it didn’t last.

The next thing I know there years have passed. Barely making it by. 17 jobs have come and gone. I gave up caring after the fifth the first year. I find myself in front of my therapist. Telling all that has been going on. And that I was running out of rope.

“Sean i may have come across some information that may help you. I can’t officially refer you to them. But a colleague of mine outside of the VA has told me they have helped a lot of others.”

My ears perk up at hearing this. “Who. Who are these that can help?”

“Have you heard of the interdimensional agencies?”

“Vaguely I don’t know a lot”

“Unfortunately, not a lot is really known outside the agency they try to keep things hush hush. But I have heard that their medical care for everything is way above our own.”

“How do I contact them?” She hands me a card that has very little info. Just a name and a phone number. “You sure this is the right card?”

“Yes, very sure.”

“Thank you I will call and see what they can do”

I head back to my appointment. As I wheel in, I look around not even really feeling like this place is really home. I pull out my cell phone and the card. I read the card Angie Lockheart. Interesting name. I dial the number and let the phone ring. Two rings I the other line picks up.

“Angie Lockheart, interdimensional Adoption agency how may I help you.”

I pause for a second. Adoption agency what does she mean by that? “Hello, I know your still there I can hear you breathing. I know it’s scary huh. Just tell me your name and we can go from there.” She calmly explains.

“My name is Sean, what do you mean adoption agency?”

“Why don’t I explain that in person. Do you think you may be able to come to my office today?”

“I think so all depends on how far. I rely on pubic transportation.” She gives me the address. “Yes I can be there in about an hour.”

“Great I will see you then”

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