I, Infantilist--Chapter 28

Hello everyone!

Some of you may have seen me pop up out of the blue last month on some other story forum sites. But in case you haven’t, here’s the scoop:

I’m a published author, and never before have I written a story involving aspects of infantilism. Well, now I have written one! The members of the other sites have been eating my story up and begging me for more, but I notice that they don’t all tell me exactly what they like or dislike about the story. I have visited this site for the past year and I have seen how many of you constructively criticize work, and I must say that I love it! Honesty like that is rare to find these days. So, I shall see how my story fares here! Without further adieu, I give you Chapter One of “I, Infantilist”

Chapter One

Some people turn to cigarettes to relieve stress. Some open a bottle of alcohol and chug away. Some scream, or punch walls, or take drugs (both legal and illegal). But not me. I don’t do any of those things. I’ve found my ultimate stress reliever. No, it’s not boxing or working out (though I need to work out for my job as a bouncer). You see, to relive stress, I turn to diapers. Yeah, I said it, and yes, you’re reading that correctly. Diapers.

Run off, turn your head in disgust, tell yourself I’m a sick bastard who has problems…I’ve heard it all before. I’ve been in groups where people randomly got onto the topic of infantilism/diaper wearing and nearly began a hate group because they were so appalled by the lifestyle, while I had to keep my mouth shut to avoid any problems. So go on and get out of here if you wish. It’ll show your arrogance and failure to understand. Still, if I’ve intrigued you thus far, then perhaps you’d be interested in my story! You see, by acts of God, or fate, or what have you, I found the girl who loves me for me, including my odd wish to be babied sometimes. I could go into how much I love this woman, and how fortunate I am to have her, but I wish to tell you of the turn of events that led up to me finding her, because that’ll make this all the more interesting. I promise I won’t bore you, so if you’re ready, let’s take a trip into yesteryear! Ah, but allow me to introduce myself first! My name is Jonathon Morrow, but you can just call me John. I’m currently 22 years of age and work as a bouncer in a night club. I have my B.S. degree in Electrical Engineering, but I’m kind of in between jobs right now. Hey, the economy’s rough these days! And as mentioned before, I am an infantilist. If you don’t know what that is, just look at the first six letters in the word and you should get the picture.

You might be wondering when I discovered my little quirk (you can say infantilism is normal if you’d like, but I still feel that since it isn’t widely accepted by society that it isn’t exactly something you see everyday). Well anyway, I remember having the fascination with being diapered back when I was five years old! Long time ago, huh? I watched some cartoon where this girl would baby absolutely every cartoon character she’d come into contact with. From burping to putting the characters on a changing table and changing their diapers, this girl was really into her babying, and I became jealous rather quickly, though I couldn’t explain why. I’d been potty trained for two years at that time, so why on Earth would I want to do something so unheard of? Why would I wish to be treated as helpless as an infant again, especially when I was so independent at my young age? The questions still linger today. No, I didn’t ever try wearing diapers or asking my parents if I could be a baby again, because I knew they’d be upset, and it’s just plain weird.

I remember this desire stuck with me for a few years. Any cartoon that had some form of a character being put into or putting someone else in a diaper and being treated like an infant captivated me. I suppose I could blame television for my quark, and I for a while I did, but I know there was more to it than that. I remember I kept on telling myself that wanting to be treated that way was wrong and that my parents would probably never speak to me again if they found out, so I suppressed the feeling for seven long years. Yeah, long time, huh? I know now that it was a stupid and unhealthy thing to do, but hey, it worked for quite a while! All of those feelings were lost. I no longer wanted to even associate myself with anything babyish, even when my mom started doing daycare! I was living what I thought was the normal life; hanging out with friends, keeping my grades up in school, riding my awesome BMX bike, and of course getting into some trouble in town. One time we set up traffic cones on the bridge at night and made drivers think that there was a detour…boy did they get pissed! I didn’t think the cops would come so quickly that night. Jeez, you’d think they were responding to a robbery or something! But anyway, life was great! Then, things changed. Drastically.

Like a person having a sudden recovery from amnesia, my desires and thoughts came back in full swing! I remember what triggered it, though. I was in ninth grade, and we had this stupid Home-Ec class we were forced to take. I’d say the only thing I enjoyed in the class was baking, mostly because I got to eat the food I made. Well, sometime during the winter months, we had to do a babysitting course in our class. Now I for one dislike children. Kind of ironic, eh? I like to act like an infant sometimes, yet I don’t like actual children in any way, aside from my nieces and nephews, of course!

We had to watch this God-awful video with some thirty year old dude telling us how to babysit and take care of kids. I don’t remember much of the video, mostly because I was busy doodling in my notebook, but I overheard some of my classmates talking about how ridiculous the video was. Of course, some of the females were more focused on the damned presentation than life itself. I suppose they needed to be, though, since most of them were going to be competing to get the best babysitting jobs around.

After the seemingly eternal video ended, my instructor had us get into groups of four so we could “practice” some of what we learned from the video on “life-like infants”, life-like being a flimsy doll that made Cabbage Patch dolls look like artistic sculptures. I didn’t have too many friends in that particular class, but I was fairly close with the females during high school, so I teamed up with three girls, Bridget, Jess, and Marie. All three girls shared lockers near mine, so we talked on a daily basis…well, more like they talked and I listened, but I guess that’s what made them like me so much.

Our instructor walked over with a basket full of things, including the doll.

“Now class, I want you all to participate since that is a part of your grade! Remember what you’ve learned from the video, and make sure you cover all of the things listed on the piece of paper in your basket! And most importantly, have fun!”

The doll’s head stuck out of the basket, looking at the four of us as our instructor walked off. We rummaged through the items in the basket and pulled them out carefully. Within moments we had diapers, baby powder, baby wipes, a changing mat, a baby blanket, and an empty baby bottle strewn across the table. Since I was a neat freak I organized all of the items, causing the girls to joke around with me.

“Practicing for the Marines, John?” Marie snickered.

“Sir, yes sir!”

This got a laugh out of everyone in our group. Finally, Bridget picked up the doll, who was wearing a blue onesie and a small cap.

“Aw, it’s a baby boy!” she laughed. “What a cute widdle baby!”

We all looked at Bridget with raised eyebrows.

“What? She said to have fun with it, and I need a good grade!”

“Hmm, she might be right. Maybe we should all pretend as if it were a real baby!” Jess chimed in.

“You can count me out! I’ll help and stuff, but no thanks on the babytalk!” I said with a laugh.

“Oh, come on, John!” Marie giggled. “Not much into the babysitting I take it?”

“Not one bit!”

“That’s okay! You can miss out on the fun!” Bridget said.

“Don’t mind if I do!”

With that, we were on our way to babysitting a non-living baby. I didn’t mind how quiet the doll was, mostly because whenever I think of kids I think of the screaming, bratty ones. A shame not all kids were that quiet! The checklist went as follows:

–Holding the baby

–Feeding and burping

–Checking and changing the baby’s diaper

–Placing the baby in the crib

“Okay, who wants to hold the baby first?” Bridget asked.

“Well, you’re technically holding him first, but I’ll give it a go.” I volunteered.

Bridget nodded and gently handed the doll over to me. Like I’d learned from the video, I gently held the doll in a cradling position and soon felt extremely stupid.

“You’re a natural, John! That’s perfect! Here, now I’ll try!” Jess said excitedly.

“Yeah, yeah. Here you go.”

I carefully handed the doll over to Jess, who took it with a wide smile.

“Aw, hey there widdle baby! Gootchie goo! Jess is here! It’s okay!” Jess cooed.

Soon after, all three girls joined in on the “fun”, each one hovering over the doll as if it were a real infant, tickling it under its chin and nuzzling its stomach with their noses. My heart rate quickened in an instant. The old cartoons and diaper commercials I’d watched played through my head all at once. The sight of these girls giving this doll all of their affection and love almost brought me to my knees. I so wanted to look away and cover my ears, but…I couldn’t. I gulped for air and acted like I was unphased by their actions.

After the doll was passed around, Jess took the baby bottle off of the table and handed it to Bridget.

“Time for your baba, baby waby!”

Bridget pretended to insert the bottle into the doll’s mouth, cooing and gently cradling the doll. My face burned with embarrassment as I felt like I shouldn’t have been attracted to that sort of thing. Once Bridget finished “feeding” our doll, she gently placed its head over her shoulder and patted its back and diapered butt.

“Burpy time!”

“Aww, how cute!” Jess cooed as she eagerly waited for her turn.

“John, are you okay? Your face is red!” Marie asked.

“Ohh, maybe John has gas! Need to be burped, John?” Bridget jokingly said.

The room fell deathly silent, and time itself had come to a crawl.

No! She did not just say that! No way! What do I do?! Think, John! Think!

I pretended to cough violently, lowering my head so nobody could see my eyes. Marie patted my back in an effort to help me, but I soon acted like I recovered and grabbed a drink from the sink.

“Sorry for the scare, girls! Air must have gone down the wrong pipe! Oh, and no, I don’t need to be burped, Bridget.” I stuck my tongue out at her and laughed.

Our group chuckled a bit as we took turns feeding and burping our doll, and we were soon onto the next phase. The phase that I desired the most. The phase that I soon hated, mostly because there were three females in my group who made sure our doll felt like a real infant: the checking and changing of the diaper.

Eight diapers lay neatly stacked on the table next to the powder, wipes, and changing mat. I was sure that I’d die at any moment, but God apparently wanted me to endure this.

“Oh, the best part! Haha!” Jess exclaimed. “I tink I smell a dirty dydee!”
Oh my God…

“Aw, hims dydee needs changing, doesn’t it? Oh yes it does!” Marie cooed as she lifted the doll underneath its armpits and pretended to sniff its diaper.

Oh…my…God…just like from the cartoon! Gah!

“Well then let’s lay dis widdly baby on his changing mat and check to make sure!” Bridget spoke softly.

The girls encircled the table as Marie laid the doll down onto the changing mat. Jess and Bridget both unsnapped the onesie and carefully lifted it, exposing the doll’s puffy white diaper. Jess then continued to check the baby’s diaper by gently placing her fingers under the left leg.

“Aw, baby’s wet!” she cooed. “Who wants to change him first?”

“I-I’ll do it!” I quickly answered.

“Wow, John! For someone who doesn’t like babysitting, I’m surprised you volunteered to go first!” Bridget laughed.

“I just want to get it over with!”

Okay, John. Deep breaths. Don’t make it obvious that you’re eyeing the diapers and baby stuff! Just do this and you’re home free!

I carefully un-taped the doll’s diaper on both sides, then lifted the doll’s legs into the air and continued the process that the video had taught us to do. From wiping and powdering to placing the new diaper under the doll, I managed to finish in under a minute. My three partners all were shocked to see just how quickly but expertly I was able to diaper the doll.

“Too bad real babies aren’t this quiet and still!” I joked.

“Aw, most little infants are! It’s when they get older when changing their diapers is a pain! Toddlers always have that tendency to run around naked…ugh, just the thought of having to change my two year old cousin makes me cringe.” Jess said. “But not this widdle baby! Noooo, dis widdle man is so good for his babysitters! Now it’s my turn to change hims dydee!”

I moved over and tried my hardest to look away as the three girls continued to giggle and enjoy their make-believe session, but something inside just wouldn’t let me for more than a few seconds. I felt as though I had to look!

Jess removed the doll’s diaper just as I did, but she did so in a much gentler way, carefully grabbing the front of the diaper while lifting the doll’s legs and sliding the white hourglass-shaped piece of plastic out from under.

“Who’s a good widdle baby! You are! Yes you are!” Jess was relentless!

“Jess, you do realize it’s not real, right?” I asked.

“Aw, I know! It’s fun to pretend, though! Isn’t it, girls?”

Bridget and Marie nodded their heads as they both joined in on the ultimate cooing and babying experience. As for me, I wanted to die inside. Not because I didn’t like what I was seeing, but because I thought that my heart would burst from what I was witnessing.

Jess grabbed a few baby wipes from the tub and slowly started wiping the doll all around its diaper area, even making sure to get just below its belly button and just above its knees.

“You girls mind holding this widdle baby’s legs up for me while I wipe his bottom?” she asked.

“Ohh, it’ll be my pleasure!” Bridget gently raised the doll’s legs up while Jess went to work.

Next came the powder, its babyish scent forcing its way into my nostrils, making me blush. Jess continued to coo the doll as if it were her own baby, mentioning something about not wanting the doll to get “dydee rash”. Finally, she grabbed a fresh diaper from the stack and opened it slowly.

“Oh yes! It’s diaper time! Nice fwesh dydee for this widdle baby!”

Shoot me now! Please! How do they not suspect anything about me? It’s like they know I’m into this! But why am I? Just think about something else…that’s it! Yeah! How about that assignment that’s due tomorrow?

Jess had Bridget lift the doll’s legs up once more so she could place the new diaper where it belonged. Before Bridget lowered the doll’s legs, Jess took the baby powder and sprinkled more into the seat of the diaper, making the aroma overpower every other smell in the room.

“Hehe, I learned that trick when my cousin came over!” she laughed as she taped up both sides of the diaper nice and snug. “There you go, baby!”

I looked at the clock in my worried state of mind; class wasn’t over for another ten minutes, meaning I had to sit through two more diaper change sessions, complete with ultimate cooing and babying. There was no way I could handle both, so I told the girls that I had to use the bathroom and I would return shortly.

“Well, these diapers are like portable bathrooms, John! Use one of these!” Marie laughed as she held one of the baby diapers up.

Just turn around and head out the door, John! Don’t look back so she doesn’t see your face!

“Oh yes. Very funny!” I chuckled.

“Come on, we’ll even change you!” Bridget joined in.

Were these girls reading my thoughts? I about collapsed from the intensity! For a second I was afraid that they’d follow me out the door with the diapers and actually put them on me, and I panicked. If they did such a thing, I’d be the laughingstock of the school! I’d be totally humiliated and embarrassed, and then my secret would be out! My breaths grew short once again.

“I’m sure you’d like that!” I looked over my shoulder briefly as I walked out the door.

The girls all laughed and talked about how funny I was as I headed down the hall towards the bathroom. I knew I wasn’t smiling, because I could feel my lips shaking. Once I entered the bathroom, I walked into one of the stalls, locked the door, and closed my eyes to try to block out what I’d just seen. It was the most wonderful thing, yet I was so afraid of it. It made me wonder if that’s how people reacted when they died and saw God. Maybe seeing heaven was so great that people became worried because they were uncertain of their feelings. Sure, these were two completely separate things, but at the time I sure as hell felt that the comparison was dead-on!

This is just great! Out of the blue! I haven’t thought about this for almost ten years! Why now, God?! Why? Don’t make me like this now! Nobody would understand! No…they will never understand! They can’t! They’ll call me a freak and single me out! I’m a teen! I can’t like this kind of thing! If anyone finds out, I’ll lose it!

I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself down. At that very moment, I knew I was different, but I vowed to never tell another soul. I would take my desire to the grave with me no matter what. Nobody would know except for me and God. I chose to bear the burden that day, keeping the weight in my chest for another extended period of time. However, I would eventually find out that trying to suppress such an important part of my life would be the stupidest and most unhealthy thing to do.


I have eight chapters finished, but I’d like to hear your feedback to see if I should post more here. If you don’t think it’s good, I’m fine with that. Just remember that this is my very first story of this kind. So please comment and let me know what you think! :slight_smile:

I, Infantilist

I remember reading this on adisc, it a very good story and I hope to read the rest of the chapters.

I, Infantilist

I don’t think I’ve ever red an autobiography that I liked more than this one. Most of the ones I’ve seen before, while oftentimes well written, tended to sound generic and repetitive. But this is coming from someone who’s red many infantilist autobiographies, and most peoples’ life experiences having to do with diapers are similar, or identical. Not the author’s fault of course.
I strongly encourage… No, I’m begging you. Please, please post more of this! I’m lacking a good read at the moment. lol

I, Infantilist

You certainly know how to move a story along at a decent pace, which was nice. At the same time, I liked the story a lot more when the plot was actually progressing. The entire first segment of the story, the whole explanation of who he was and his previous life experiences was alright, but I always think its more interesting when those types of details are divulged through-out the story, rather than just laid out on the table immediatly. If it was cut out, I’m sure we’d quickly learn the same details anyways as he interacted with his classmates and saw his insecurities and inner-thoughts. Then again, maybe thats just my taste.

I, Infantilist

Ah, good! I am glad to see it is as successful here as it is on the other sites! And you may be right, seventyeyes about spreading some of that crucial information throughout the story. I wrote this story to kind of show the “evolution” of John Morrow, which you will see as the story progresses, and I wanted to write this in that “memoir” kind of fashion, because not many people write stories of this kind in that way.

But here we go! Chapter Two is up for your viewing pleasure!

Chapter 2

For a while I had kept my wish to be babied on the back shelf of my brain, but I couldn’t keep the feeling at bay for too long. I remember during the last year of high school I was heavily addicted to online multiplayer games. No, not the flashy three-dimensional ones where you save the world and play as other creatures. I was into the simple text games like “Fridge Magnets” and “Alphabeats”. It was here that I’d made a small handful of online friends, and thanks to technology today, it wasn’t long before I was messaging and emailing them. We’d share pictures, talk about how much we hated school, and even joke around. Call me a nerd, but some of my better friends throughout high school were made over these simple game sites. So how does this relate to my story? Well, I guess you could say that I have a way with words when it comes to getting what I want, and my fear of saying them greatly decreases when I’m behind a computer screen. A coward’s way out to some, but to me, it was just another way of expressing myself freely without fear of judgment! Besides, these friends of mine would probably never wind up seeing me in person, mostly because they lived halfway across the country!

Anyway, I remember for a month or so, my “Fridge Magnet” friend Jill and I would stay up rather late so we could talk about whatever we wanted. Jill was in a time zone that was two hours behind mine, so my midnight was her ten o’ clock. Well, whenever I’d tell Jill that I was tired, she’d simply tell me that I was a baby, or a “sleepy baby” as she liked to call me. I didn’t really do much at first, but then I came up with an idea: I would agree with her and see what would develop! There was a risk that she’d get weirded out, but what’s life without taking some risks? So, here’s what some of our conversation looked like, and I keep this because it’s important to me:

Me: yawns I have to go to bed soon.

Jill: Aw, you baby! You’re always tired at this time!

Me: I know. What can I say?

Jill: You can just say you’re a baby and get it over with! Haha!

Now, I know that this was simply words, but you have to understand that Jill and I had become quite good online friends, and we’d even called each other occasionally, so as soon as I read what she wrote, I couldn’t resist! A smirk went across my face almost instantly.

Me: Fine…I’m a baby :-p

Jill: Ha! I knew it! Lol

Me: Oh yes! I drink from bottles and wear diapers! rolls eyes

Jill: Aw do you? That’d be cute!

Me: Haha I bet it would! Next thing I know you’re gonna ask to feed me and take care of me!

Jill: I’d do it! Just because you’re a sleepy baby!

It’s make it or break it, John!

Me: Well, be my guest!

Then, it began.

Jill: Okay then! picks you up and carries you to the changing table and lays you down on it slowly diaper time for you! changes you into a fresh diapie and then picks you up and carries you into the kitchen

My jaw just about dropped, but I wasn’t about to let that ruin the moment. For once I felt warm inside about this feeling, and nothing could stop me from smiling! This was a mere taste of what I’d wished for!

Me: Thanks for the diaper! Haha.

Jill: Hehe you’re welcome, baby! Now it’s time for your baba! :slight_smile: gets your bottle and then carries you into the living room and feeds you your baba drink up!

Me: smiles and drinks the bottle mmm tasty! Haha drinks it until it’s all gone

Jill: Good baby! Haha. picks you up and burps you

My dream coming true. My dream, just a computer screen away from being the real thing. Simple words on a screen, making me nothing but happy.

Me: lets out a few burps for you and sighs

Jill: Awww! How cute! sticks a pacifier in your mouth and then cradles you until you start to fall asleep Time for beddy :wink:

Me: Haha thanks! sucks on the pacifier and slowly falls asleep while being cradled

Jill: Aw. kisses your forehead and puts you in your crib Goodnight baby! Haha.

Me: Haha goodnight! I’ll talk to you later, Jill!

That night I was overcome with an extreme feeling of bliss. Here was my friend, completely joking around with me about this whole baby thing, and she seemed to be enjoying it herself! I knew that sooner or later I’d have to tell her that I liked this kind of thing, because a part of me felt that if I started to like it too much, then I’d have felt like she was being used, and that’s never a way to treat somebody. However, this little “baby time” as I liked to call it went on every other week or so, and Jill didn’t mind one bit! Sometimes she’d even start the whole thing—this girl was exactly the kind of person I was looking for! But…what if she found out I liked this kind of thing? Then what? Maybe she’d call me a freak and never speak to me again? Perhaps she’d make fun of me and end our friendship. And if my parents ever found out…then what? What if they saw my conversations? Sure, the computer was in my room, but there was still that risk.

As if these thoughts weren’t enough, I then thought about why I liked this kind of thing, and whether or not there were more people who were into it as well. I also started thinking about how much of a freak I must have been, and how nobody would ever accept what I was into if they found out.

Weeks passed by as swiftly as the wind, and Jill and I continued to build on our friendship. Some chatting, some more sharing of our ambitions and plans, and of course, some babying . Things went smoothly for the longest time until that night my parents and I were watching “Ultimate Sleuths”. I remember the episode oh so vividly, even though I haven’t watched it since that fateful night. Like a surprise kick to the stomach, the episode involved the murder of a man who just happened to be into the same exact thing that I was: being babied and wearing diapers! For some reason my parents never changed the channel, and I didn’t want to arouse any suspicions by leaving the room, so I swallowed hard and remained on the couch.

The episode played on, showing some flashbacks of the man being treated just like an infant by an extremely beautiful woman who was half his age. Near the end of the show, the woman confessed to killing the man, then spoke about how he was an infantilist.

Infantilist? What?

The word sounded like a foreign language to my ears, though the first two syllables rang a bell almost immediately. I lodged the word into my brain and became excited. Was this the word that was used to describe people like me? And if this show was depicting a man who was into this kind of thing, did that mean that this “infantilism” was more widely accepted by society than I’d hoped? I just had to find out!

Once the show ended, the bombshell was finally dropped.

“That’s sick! I can’t believe there are people who are into that!” my mother said in disgust.

“You’re telling me! The world could definitely do without those kinds of people!” my dad laughed. “Bunch of sick minded bastards. They should lock those people up and throw away the key!”

I couldn’t shake off what I’d just heard. My parents who loved me so dearly, who taught me all about accepting others for who they were, who told me they’d love me no matter what, hated people like me…hated me. I couldn’t help it if I was an “infantilist” as the show called it! Part of me wished to stand up for myself, but my fear of being disowned and shunned got the best of me. I pretended to ignore their comment and told them that I was tired and was going to bed. In under a minute I was in my room with the door shut and locked, and lowered my head in shame.

They can never know now. Nobody can know. They’ll hate me. I must keep this a secret. This…is mine. My dark secret. May I take it to the grave with me…

I remember I couldn’t sleep that night, so I logged back onto my computer with a frown on my face and went to a search engine site. The first word I typed in? “Infantilist”. My God there were a lot of results! Easily over 70,000! Most of them appeared to be pornographic sites which I wasn’t into, but there were a few I found that seemed legit. The sites had forums, explanations of infantilism, and stories, all of which piqued my interest. I was glued to my screen for another two hours, soaking in all of the information I could find.

It appeared to me that there were a variety of reasons as to why people were into diaper wearing and being babied. Apparently some people had been abused as children, and acting in a babyish way was a way for them to get better. Others wore diapers because they became aroused. Some just wore them and acted like babies for fun. And finally, the one that had I decided to put myself under: a way to relieve stress. Some people explained that their lives were full of demanding jobs and mean people, and being a baby and/or wearing diapers made them forget about the harsh reality called life. I was intrigued! That sense of being cared for and loved by somebody (for me, it was obviously a female) had the ability to absolve all stress and actually bring forth positive feelings! And even better was the fact that there were thousands of people who were into the same thing!

As I moved through the forums, I noticed something a lot of them had done that I hadn’t dared to try yet: wearing a diaper. I was sure that I was in fact into the whole infantilism scene, but the only way for me to be sure would have been to try wearing an actual diaper. Not exactly something I could just get up and do.

Ah well. Sooner or later I’ll try it! Something will come up I’m sure.

I then browsed through the various story sites that had been posted. Some of these stories I absolutely fell in love with! I was able to connect and relate to these fictional characters and was awestruck by just how well-written the stories were. Then, there were some of those other stories…eh, I don’t like talking about them. The stories where the main characters are forced to wear diapers and act like babies, and where the people treating them this way would…shudders never mind. I think those of you who can relate understand which stories I’m talking about. The ones written by horny teenagers who are too scared to save their work in Word documents so they choose to write it in Notepad, thus rendering their stories unreadable and absolutely God-awful. I’d never want anyone to do that to me forcefully! That’s horrible! This was something in which my significant other (when I got one, anyway) would have to be willing to participate in while also making sure not to make fun of me in any way, as this was a very sensitive thing to me, and still is today.

Anyway, by the end of the night (or early morning, depending on how you look at it), I felt that I’d found enough sufficient information to answer some of the questions I had. Still remembering what my parents had said, I vowed to never let them or anyone else find out about my quark, but that meant that I had to cover all of my tracks. My first step was to fix the settings on my internet browser so that anytime I closed the program, everything would be erased. Any files that I saved onto my computer would be placed in folders that were within folders, that were within more folders, all with silly names to detract attention; a maze in which nobody would wish to finish. I felt confident that my plan would work, and to tell you the truth, it did!

As for the trying out a diaper…no luck. I didn’t have the guts at the time. I’d have to either wait until summer when both of my parents were at work all day, or worse, wait until college…a whole two and a half months! Then I thought about the risks involved with trying them in the summer. My friends might see me purchasing them. If I ordered some online, then the package might not have come in until a Saturday when both of my parents were home. Someone would walk in on me. As fake as the stories I’d read were, they still helped to increase my fear of being caught and humiliated. I decided at that time to wait until college. You might be thinking that it wouldn’t have worked since I had to share a dorm, but you’ll just have to wait and see! My luck is just outstanding!


great story

i love it , pls post the rest, lol

I, Infantilist

The People have spoken! Chapter Three it is!!!

Chapter 3

They say that college is when you finally find out things about yourself that you never thought would be possible…I couldn’t agree more. No family, no limits to what you feel like doing, many open-minded people. It’s the perfect place to unleash your full potential, as well as discover other parts of your life that had been lying dormant for years, which is exactly what happened in my case!

I’d been accepted for enrollment at the Hansen Institute of Technology on the day I turned eighteen; one hell of a birthday present if you ask me! The school was about 130 miles west of where I lived, and I must say that I was impressed by pretty much everything I saw when I visited the campus. The whole university was surrounded by trees and sat atop a hill. All of the main buildings were at the center of the campus, and the dorms…easily the greatest thing! The dorms were single rooms! There were three rooms to a suite, and six suites per building. After months of dreading the thought of having to share a room with a complete stranger, I came to find that I’d have my own room! I wouldn’t have to worry about my privacy being invaded! Freedom was still mine! The summer would move along rather quickly, what with me working like crazy and going to tons of graduation parties.

The end of August came, and my stuff was packed: my computer, my television and gaming system, my clothes, some posters, a shelf, an abundance of food and a fridge that my parents had bought for me. My whole life packed into my car. The two hour drive into a town I’d never even heard of would soon be my new home.

I couldn’t wait to study Electrical Engineering and meet new people and faces. I’d heard so many things about college that far surpassed any type of high school setting. There weren’t as many fights, people partied and socialized with others regardless of social status, and most importantly, I’d be able to get a decent job once I was finished. What does high school get you? A lifetime guarantee that you’ll be flipping burgers or cleaning hotel rooms. And finally, the one thing that truly excited me the most: I’d finally, after so many years, be able to try wearing a diaper in the comfort of my own dorm! All of these things made the drive seem much longer than it actually was, but I’m a patient guy, so I knew it’d be well worth the wait.

Once I arrived at HIT (yeah, sounds silly, doesn’t it?), my heart was overcome with excitement. My parents soon arrived and parked their car next to mine, and after I signed in to the residence halls and said hello to a few strangers, I began unpacking. My parents helped me (well, more like my dad helped. My mom was never one to do any strenuous lifting, strenuous lifting being anything over ten pounds…) In merely an hour I was settled into my room. My rock band posters lined the walls, my computer was all hooked up and ready to go, and my closet shelves were stacked high with a ridiculous amount of food.

“John, is this everything?” my dad asked.

“Yep! I think I’m all set!”

“Oh, hang on! I almost forgot!” he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a green envelope and handed it to me.

“What’s this?”

“Just open it, son!” my mom said excitedly.

I carefully opened the envelope since I hated ripping cards. Inside was of course a card, but it wasn’t an ordinary card…well, I guess it was ordinary.
The card was plain on the outside, with the exception of the words “We Love You, Son” on the front. Inside the card read:

We’re so proud of you for making it this far! We love you so much and we’ll support you in whatever you do!

Mom and Dad

Next to this letter was a rectangular piece of paper that was supposed to resemble a dollar bill. I flipped the paper over and where the President’s head was supposed to be was my father’s head. Beneath his picture read “Five Hundred Dollars”.

“Is this some kind of joke?” I laughed while smiling at my parents.

“We put some extra money in your account, honey. You worked so hard this summer, and we felt you could use a little spending money while you’re up here!”

Now I’m no sap, but nobody had ever done anything like that for me before, and for a second I thought that my heart would burst from being so happy. I thanked and hugged both of my parents. We then said our goodbyes and I walked my parents out to their car. One minute later, they were gone; I was free.

I held onto the card as I headed back into my dorm. Over and over again I read it. They really were proud! But, would they be so proud if they knew that they were parents to an infantilist? I imagined what would’ve happened had they known. They probably wouldn’t have bought me my fridge…hell, they probably wouldn’t have even come up to say goodbye to me. I shook the thought and logged onto my computer as I waited for the arrival of my suitemates.

Jill was online as soon as I opened my messenger, so we of course chatted some more, and I bragged about how I was moved into my dorm. She simply replied by calling me a dork and talked about how she was going to be moving into her dorm in about a week. We exchanged schedules and talked about random nonsense for a while until she asked me a silly question:

Jill: So, where’s your school again, mister?

Was she serious? I laughed and told her again, then called her a loser for forgetting. We laughed some more and then came a stillness on my messaging program.

Me: Having an epiphany, Jill? Haha

Jill: Something like that, jerk! It looks like we’re going to be closer once I start going to school!

Me: What?! You’re shitting me!

Jill: No! Look, dork! You’re in Hansen! I’m going to Limescale! They’re only…150 miles away from each other!

How the hell had we not known that?! My heart raced with excitement as I immediately thought about how we’d finally be able to meet each other in person! The phone calls and messaging sessions were good, but we’d been talking about going to see each other for the longest time, yet neither of us had the money to make the trip (we were about 500 miles away from each other), nor did we think our parents would approve at the time. But you don’t need your parents’ approval when you’re in college! 

Just the thought of us hanging out made me happy, and no, not just because she “babied” me. Her sense of humor was a bit out there, but it was enough to make me laugh almost all of the time, not to mention she was quite pretty (at least from what her pictures showed!)

We immediately made plans for her to come up. In about one month, she’d come up for a weekend and we’d have a hell of a time. I told her how we’d find a bunch of stuff to do while she was visiting, and this just made us even more excited. I then bit the bullet and made what I thought would be a stupid move as our conversation continued.

Me: Hell, I’ll even let you baby me when you’re up here! Haha just kidding

Jill: Lol, I’ll do it!

No way…no way!

Me: Ohhhh, sure you will! I bet you’ll get some big diapers and all that other baby stuff, too! Lol.

Jill: Oh you know it! You’ll just have to wait and see! Hehehehehe.

I laughed some more and was in a daze to say the least. She must have been joking! No way had I just pulled something like that off so easily! There must’ve been a catch! Still, I chose not to push my luck and just laughed some more, then told her that I had to settle some things into my dorm and signed off.

God, you must be kidding! This must be a sick joke! I could never! How would I be able to let her do that if she didn’t know that I liked being babied? No…she has to know. I…I have to tell her.

I sighed as I browsed the internet aimlessly. Jill must’ve been joking. But, what if she wasn’t? I’d be able to decline her offer when she came up to visit, but wouldn’t that ultimately lead to her finding out about me? No. I didn’t want to wait until the last minute to tell her! I felt that we knew each other enough for me to be able to trust her with something so…dark (I call it dark because my secret had never seen the light of day nor the tip of my tongue). My body and mind soon became torn between letting her know and keeping it to myself and continuing to fear judgment. Another week would pass before I made my decision, along with some other contributing factors.

My suitemates were some of the coolest people I’d met, and I had made a few acquaintances within the first few days of classes, but for some reason I still felt so alone. I’d heard that every college kid goes through that phase, but I for one didn’t like it at all. I needed to cheer myself up, and quick! That was when I came up with an idea that would be sure to make me happy and shake off my negative feelings: I’d finally try out a diaper. Nothing too fancy. I’d just wear one and see how it and I felt. So, that Wednesday night before I went to bed, I carefully looked around the internet to see what I could find. I wanted to make sure that I was getting my money’s worth, but I also needed to ensure that my purchase would be discrete.

I went to a few of the online infantilist communities and snooped around the forums in search of recommendations of a good brand to try out. Some users wrote that the typical adult diapers were fine, but there was one brand that kept popping up, and every single user swore that it was the best: CoucheCoos (pronounced cootchie coos…so original, I know). Every single post regarding this diaper was positive. I couldn’t find one single bad thing about it. Super thick, babyish smell, discrete shipping, decent price…they were soon going to be mine! Before the clock struck midnight, I had purchased an eight pack of these seemingly legendary diapers for about twelve bucks, including shipping. They would arrive in my dorm mailbox within the next week. Sure they’d have to be hidden whenever I’d have people in my room, but I wasn’t really concerned at the moment. No, I was much too happy with my purchase! All’s I had to was wait and make sure that nobody on campus saw what was inside of the package once it arrived!

The following week I checked my mailbox every single day. I’d gotten a bunch of junk mail from credit card companies, and soon became discouraged when my package didn’t arrive. I had a couple of more days before the week ended, but it still brought my spirits down. Then, it happened. As soon as I shut my mailbox, one of the RA’s called my name from behind the desk.

“Are you John Morrow?” she asked.

“Y-yes. Hi!” I said with a smile.

“Hello! You’ve got a package back here! Someone must’ve forgotten to put it in your mailbox today!”

My head felt like a balloon, just floating and expanding, waiting to explode from the excitement. I tried my hardest not to blush, and I think I did pretty well, because the RA didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, well thanks! I can take it right now if that’s okay.” I said kindly.

“Sure thing! Just sign here!” she handed me a pen and pointed on the piece of paper.

My heartbeat quickened as my hand swiftly guided the pen across the paper. It was mine! I had done it! The RA gently moved the box around in her hand, but no sounds came from it.

What the hell are you doing?! If that box breaks…

“Pretty big box!” she observed.

“Yeah. They always do that when you order something! Place the items in a huge box with all of those damned packing peanuts!” I joked.

The RA laughed as she handed me my treasure. I thanked her and excitedly hurried off to my car. As soon as I saw that nobody was around, I opened the trunk of my car and carefully placed the box inside. Then, like an excited kid on Christmas, I opened the box as quickly as possible as I held my breath. Beneath the cardboard encasement was yet another package, only this one looked similar to that of a pack of baby wipes. I searched my surroundings once more. The coast was clear. I was going for it! I ripped open the white pack, and soon gasped in awe. There they were; the diapers. The biggest diapers that I’d ever seen in my entire life! They were stacked so perfectly, and the babyish smell that came from them was intoxicating, almost mesmerizing. I took four out of the box and quickly placed them in my book bag, then covered the box with an old blanket and closed my trunk.

I-I can’t believe it! I did it! Wake me up if I’m dreaming! Ha! Hahaha! Come tonight, I will finally have done it!

I practically ran back to my dorm, smiling and saying hello to everyone along the way. My suitemates asked me what I was all happy about when I entered the dorm, but I simply told them that it’d just kicked in that I was away from my parents for an extended period of time. I walked into my room and closed the door lightly so to not make anyone suspicious. My bag was placed on my bed and unzipped in one quick movement. I gently pulled out the four plastic pieces of gold and held them up as if I’d just discovered some ancient secret.

I ran my hands over them slowly and breathed in their infantile scent. The plastic/cloth combination on the outside was just as I’d imagined; so soft and without any wrinkles, with the baby blocks on the front as a decoration. I then made my way to the inside of the diaper and felt my endorphins make their way into my bloodstream. So cottony soft, so comfortable, and the scent only increased when it was opened. The tabs were symmetrical from each other as I carefully examined them. Whoever made these knew their target market quite well! I quickly placed all four of them in my closet and placed them inside of a shoebox, then covered the shoebox with a bunch of bathroom towels. Just a few more hours remained, then I would finally be able to try out what I’d been longing for!

That night, after I’d eaten a little snack and gotten ready for bed, I felt ready. That is, until I thought of something: my suitemates. Would they hear me or the diaper? That’s when I came up with yet another ingenious idea.

“Hey Dan! You notice how thick these freaking doors are?” I asked my suitemate.

“Oh shit!” he said as he examined the door. “You’re right! Ha!”

“I wonder how good they are at blocking sound?”

“Only one way to find out!”

Dan closed his door and within moments blared his oldies music. While I could hear muffled vocals and instruments, I was confident that I’d be okay. I then told my suitemates that I was tired and I had class early tomorrow (hey, 10:00 is early!) and was soon in my room. The shades were closed, the doors were locked, and the only source of light came from my desk lamp. The stage was set, the locks were secured…I was ready.

I quietly removed my pajamas and boxers and listened for any footsteps that could’ve been heading towards my door. Once I was certain that nobody was coming, I took the shoebox out of its hiding place and pulled one of the diapers out. My hand trembled with excitement as I unfolded and opened up the diaper. This thing was huge! It extended from my toes to my thighs! I became even more excited as I laid myself and the diaper down on the floor. The softness that I felt made me freeze for a brief moment so I could soak in the feeling, but I knew it’d just get better once I was done. I folded the diaper over my front, then quietly taped the diaper up on the left side, then the right side. I was enveloped in babyish softness! The padding I felt between my legs and on my bottom gave me a natural high! I touched the diaper with my hands and almost laughed out loud. This was amazing! I then stood up to look at myself in the mirror. That’s when I noticed that the diaper wasn’t exactly taped up too tightly. It sagged a little, but I pulled it up and tried to refasten the tapes. That only helped a little, but I knew it was impossible to get them on just right without help from somebody else. I opened the closet door where my mirror was and looked at myself. My diaper was gigantic and my tee-shirt just barely covered it! I looked almost like an infant and I couldn’t help but to laugh at myself for looking rather silly. I tried to close my legs together, and when I realized I could barely do that, I laughed a little more.

The clock told me that it was getting late, so I put the rest of the diapers away and landed gently on my bed with just my diaper and shirt on. My high was euphoric, and nothing would bring it down. Why hadn’t I tried this sooner? Why had I locked away my desire for so long? I was a fool to say the least!

I then wondered about Jill as I stared at my ceiling. Would she handle this well, and if so, would she be able to keep the secret between us? I could only hope. That night, I made a promise to myself that before Jill came up to visit, she’d know about me…she’d know…that I was an infantilist. I fell asleep wrapped up in my diaper and beneath my covers, and slept the best that I’d ever slept before.


So, do you think it’s getting better while remaining realistic? Shall I continue?

I, Infantilist

Its coming along nicely. I like the naive perspective of the narrator. It is as realistic as it could be, I think, and I wouldn’t worry about that much anyways. Out of curiosity, do you have the next few chapters planned out already? Or are you more-or-less developing the story as you go?

I, Infantilist

This is really great!!!

There was one extra I in either paragraph 1 or 2 of the first chapter. ( At the moment I am unable to locate the exact place again).

Please do not make us wait for the next chapter.

You say that you have eight written so far.

Are you planning on having this story published, or is this one only for the online community?

I, Infantilist

So, do you think it’s getting better while remaining realistic? Shall I continue?

One word. Definitely.

I, Infantilist

Thanks everyone! Chapter Four…here we go!

Oh, and seventyeyes, I have all the way up to Chapter Nine done. Then after that I will be developing the story as I move along.

Chapter 4

The next morning I woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside. The sun barely shone through the blinds, but my body told me that it was time to get up. After I stretched, I threw my covers off and stood to my feet to stretch. I looked down and remembered that I was wearing a diaper, and it was a good thing I remembered, because I almost walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth! The clock read 8:00; two hours before I had to be in class. I knew that it was time to take the diaper off, and so I did. No way would I even try to wear one underneath my clothes. This was a personal matter, and the thought of wandering around in public with my secret practically screaming beneath my boxers made me cringe.

I carefully slid the diaper down since it hadn’t been taped on too tightly, threw my boxers and pajamas on, hid the now useless diaper, and took a quick shower.

That must have been the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced! I’m not so sure about actually using a diaper, though…that’s just…not my thing, and I imagine that anyone who would want to baby me would find that rather disgusting. I don’t need to take it THAT far. Now, for Jill…she needs to know. Ah, Jill…tonight or tomorrow is when you will find out.

I took a deep breath as I exited the shower and prepared for the day. This confession would take both thought and courage…I was missing the courage part of the plan, though a part of me was begging to let everything out.

That night after dinner and some Frisbee with my suitemates, I headed back into my room and worked on some assignments. Jill would be on the messenger soon, and when she signed on, it’d be time for me to spill my guts out.

Just as I finished a crappy essay for my English 101 course, Jill’s name appeared on my screen. Within seconds she IM’d me with a hello, and we started chatting. We told each other about our day and what we had planned for the weekend, as well as how excited we both were about her coming up to visit me. It was a conversation that was no different from any other, until I finally mustered the courage to admit what was beginning to feel like my flaw.

Me: Hey, Jill. Have you ever known something so big that you were too afraid to tell anybody, but at the same time you wished to tell someone about it?

Jill: Honestly, I can’t say that I have, haha.

Me: Ohhh. I see.

Jill: Something wrong?

She knew…through a screen, she could tell.

Me: Kind of =\

Jill: Awww. Well, do you want to talk about it?

Me: I can try, but…you see, I’ve never talked about it before with anybody, and it’s been bothering me for quite some time now…almost thirteen years.

Jill: Jeez! Thirteen years?!

Me: Yeahhh. Well, it’s personal. I’m afraid of what people would think if they found out, and I’d heard my parents criticize and ridicule people like me before.

Jill: John…are you-are you gay?

Me: Hahaha! Nooo! Not at all!

Jill: Oh haha. Sorry! I just wanted to make sure.

Me: Well, rest assured. I’m definitely straight as an arrow!

Jill: Good! Well then, I don’t mean to pry, but what is it? That is, if you don’t mind telling me.

My hands trembled violently and smacked the keyboard. I felt a combination of sorrow and confidence as I tried to type out what I wished to say.

Me: Okay. Here goes…sorry, this may take a while!

Jill: It’s okay!

Me: You know how you joke around and call me a baby? And how you like to jokingly treat me like one sometimes?

Jill: Yeah?

Me: Well…I…I like that. I like to be treated that way, but like in real life, too.

I cursed myself for pressing the “Enter” key and soon wished if I could turn back the clock.

Me: I know it’s odd, but there’s just something about it that makes me extremely happy and makes me forget about stressful things and stuff like that.

Jill: It’s okay. I kind of figured you liked that kind of thing. I mean, you have been my “baby” for a while now! Haha. If it makes you happy, then go for it! I don’t care!

Oh, my, God!

Me: Jill…thank you! You don’t even understand how relieved I am right now! My hands are trembling! I’ve never told anyone this before, and I was so afraid that you’d never speak to me again.

Jill: Awww John, you dork! Lol. I’d never not speak to you! So you like being a little baby sometimes! No big deal!

Saints be praised! This was my dream come true!

Me: Really?

Jill: Sure! But it does make me curious…are you into like everything baby? Lol.

Me: Nahhh lol. I mean, I like the diapers, being fed a bottle and spoonfed, and being babytalked and stuff, but I’d never use a diaper or talk like a baby lol. Just some basic things.

Our counseling session was going so well that I knew nothing would go wrong! And it didn’t!

Jill: Ohh I see.

Me: sighs in relief you don’t even know how happy I am right now! Here I thought you wouldn’t even come up to visit anymore!

Jill: Pshhh, you nerd! Of course I’m still coming up!

Me: Well good! I promise we’ll have a good time! I’ve got some things planned!

Jill: Sweet! Hmmm, I just might have to get you some diapers when I’m up! Hehehe.

Me: You wouldn’t!

Jill: Ohhhh I think I would! You just show me where a supermarket is, and I’ll get them! Heck, I’ll get you a bottle and pacifier while I’m at it, too! Haha.

Saints be praised! She didn’t mind and she claimed that she wanted to baby me! I almost fell backwards out of my chair from being so overwhelmed!

Me: Ohh jeez! Well if that’s the case, I’ll let you feed me and take care of me then.

Jill: That’s the plan, dork! Haha.

We talked about normal things for the rest of the night, and Jill really did seemed to not mind about me being an infantilist. She even babied me some more before I signed off! Just two more weeks and she’d be up, and then I’d find out if she was really serious about wanting to baby me. I thought about how wonderful of an experience it’d be and soon envisioned Jill cradling me in her lap and smiling down at me. Once again my natural high returned. There was now no turning back; I’d finally get what I always wanted, though at the time I didn’t know that things are not always what they seem.

The two weeks rolled right by. By Friday afternoon, I was amped and ready for Jill to come up. Now let’s get one thing straight: while I was excited about her wanting to baby me, I was more excited about actually hanging out with her, and I told myself that if things didn’t turn out as well as I’d thought and for some reason that she wound up not wanting to baby me, then I wouldn’t care and would make the best of our time together. She was far too good of a friend to let something like that ruin our friendship.

Call it God or call it fate, but my suitemates had gone home for the entire weekend, leaving the dorm to me and Jill. I was bummed since I wanted to hang out with them as well, but I was also happy since it was going to be like I had my own apartment. My cell phone vibrated inside of my pocket; Jill was calling.

“What’s up, dork?” I joked.

“Ohh nothing buddy! I’m in your parking lot! Can you come out and find me so I don’t get lost?” Jill asked.

“Absolutely! I’ll wait in front of the Commons building, so just look for me there!”

“Sure thing! See you in a few!”

I bolted to the Commons area and shifted my eyes in every direction of the parking lot. A red car was soon in my sights, and at first I couldn’t tell who was driving it, but then I got a glimpse of the driver’s face and I immediately knew: it was Jill! I waved and pointed to my left to let her know where to park.

I headed over to the empty spot and anxiously waited for her to park her car. Once parked, she smiled as she got out of the car, ran over to me as fast as she could, and gave me one of the most heartfelt hugs I’d ever received. Her long blonde hair gently hit my face from the light breeze, and she smelled of an intoxicating perfume.

“Ohhh it’s so good to finally see you!” I said as I returned the hug.

“It’s good to see you too, John!”

Who’d have thought that two strangers who met in a chat room would ever be so lucky? With all of the crazy people pretending to be something or someone they’re not these days, it’s so rare to find a true friend, especially on the internet! And here was this beautiful young woman with captivating brown eyes and a slightly petite build. My friend. My truest friend.

“Well, let me help you bring your stuff into my dorm!”

“Ohh a real gentleman, eh?” she snickered.

“You know it! Chivalry isn’t dead in my book!”

“Good to know! Sheesh, I can barely get a guy to open a damned door for me these days!”

“Well, my friend, you’re in for a treat this weekend, then! You can expect nothing but good manners from me, and you can thank my parents for it!”

We chuckled as we headed inside. I explained to Jill that my suitemates weren’t around, but I still promised her that we’d have a good weekend. I showed her around the place, and she seemed quite impressed by the single rooms (then again, what college student wouldn’t? Single rooms rule!)

“Now, you’ve got some options on where you’d like to sleep while you’re here. You can either sleep in my bed, on the living room couch, or I can set up some sleeping bags on the floor and you can sleep there. My bed is the most comfortable of the three, so you’re more than welcome to sleep there. Of course I’d sleep on the floor or on the couch! Don’t want you to think I’m trying to pull any moves on you or anything!”

“Ha! I know you too well to know that you wouldn’t do such a thing! I’ll let you know when it’s time for bed where I’d like to sleep.” Jill smiled.

I knew she was happy to be treated so nicely, and I thanked God that I’d been raised the way I had. So many vicious dogs out there who want nothing more than to fulfill their few seconds of pleasure. They taint everything they touch while us nice guys remain single because we’re not “the bad boys”.

Once Jill was settled in, we began our weekend with dinner at some Italian restaurant on the west side of Hansen. I can’t recall the name of it now, but I do remember that it was a bit pricy. Still, we enjoyed ourselves and talked about what was ahead for the weekend, as well as Jill’s drive over.

I felt an even greater connection between me and her that night. Maybe seeing each other in person helped, or maybe it was still the fact that she didn’t shun me when I told her that I was an infantilist. I’d never know.
Our night continued with more good times and good laughs, and soon it was getting late. I yawned as we headed back to my car, and Jill giggled lightly.

“Hmmm, someone’s getting tired already?” she nudged my side.
I chose not to push the sleepy baby joke just yet. It was only the first night, and I didn’t want things to get awkward.

“Just a little.”

“You sleepy baby!”

Or maybe they wouldn’t!

I felt my face burn as we headed back towards the college, but I laughed and made it seem like nothing was wrong. For some reason it felt weird being called that in person, most likely because I hadn’t ever experienced it before.

“Oh yes…that’s me!” I chuckled.

“No kidding! It’s only midnight!”

“Yeah, yeah… ‘only midnight’. Dork.”

“Haha! Shut it, jerk!” Jill retorted playfully.

“Make me!” I laughed.

“Well, if I had my pacifier here, I would!”

I laughed even harder as I felt the hairs on my arms stick straight up. She’d just jolted me with a verbal shock.

“S-sure you would!”

“Nah! I’d never do that to you! That’s just mean!”

“Good! I’d be sad if you did that in a mean manner.”

“I know, buddy. Don’t worry! I promise I’d never do anything like that!”

We laughed and chatted for the rest of the drive. Once back at the dorm, I got out of the car and stretched a bit as Jill did the same.

“Hmmm…now I’m getting tired.” she yawned as we headed inside.

“Ha! Who’s the sleepy baby now!” I joked.

“You are!”

“Haha, I know. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to get my pajamas on.”

“Sounds like a plan, man!” Jill walked over to her bag of clothing and rummaged through her things.

I hurried into my room and quickly got dressed into my night clothes, and as soon as I went back into the living room, Jill was also dressed in a pink pajama bottoms and a tank top.

“Wanna watch some TV before bed?” she asked me.

“Sure!” I jumped at the opportunity and made myself comfortable on the couch.

I expected Jill to sit on the other end of the couch, but instead she cuddled up next to me and placed her head on my chest. My left arm soon found its way around her shoulder, and we found ourselves watching some old school movie.

“Is this okay?” Jill asked.


“Good. I like to cuddle.”

“As do I.” I said.

We watched the movie most of the way through, but I noticed that I’d started nodding off. Jill gently shook me and whispered into my ear, “John…I think it’s bed time for you.”

“Yeah…this sleepy baby is…sleepy!”

“Aww,” Jill giggled, “I bet he is! Well, let’s get you into bed then!”

“Wait…don’t you want to sleep in my bed?” I asked groggily.

“I think there’s room for a sleepy baby and me, don’t you? Unless you don’t want to.”

Oh, like I’m going to say no!

It’d been my hopes that Jill would want to sleep next to me in my bed. There was just something about cuddling up to somebody in a bed that helped me sleep better, and since she’d offered, I wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity.

“That’s fine.”

“Okay then, mister! Let’s go!” Jill grabbed my hand and helped me to my feet as she turned off the television.

Once we entered my room, I peeled back the covers from my bed and hopped in. The bed wasn’t really meant for two people to sleep in it, but I didn’t care. I’d make the best out of the night. I moved over as far as I could, and soon after, Jill climbed in. We positioned ourselves comfortably on the mattress and soon the lights were turned off.

Jill guided my head with her hand until the side of my face was against her shoulder. What was she doing? I didn’t resist, but I still became a bit anxious. She then placed one hand over my stomach and stroked my hair and the side of my face with the other.

“Hehe,” she giggled, “I’m a bit too tired to try to cradle you right now, but hopefully this is okay.”

I just about melted into her complexion as I smiled.

“This is fine. Thank you.”

“Anytime, mister.”

Jill then gently rocked back and forth. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was just light enough for me to feel it, and a little piece of bliss entered my veins. Part of me wondered if she felt obligated to do this for me since I’d told her, but then I thought about it further. She could’ve told me she didn’t want any part of this if she truly wasn’t comfortable with it.

The sweet sound of silence took over the room as Jill’s hand continued to brush against my face. The feeling lulled me into an even further state of sleepiness, and soon after, I was just about ready to go to sleep.

“Are you comfortable?” I asked Jill as I faced her.

“Almost.” she replied as she turned the other way. “Can I have your hand?”

I sent my arm over her side, and she clasped it in hers, then said, “Now I’m comfortable.”

I laughed lightly and decided to try to keep myself awake until I was sure that Jill had fallen asleep. The night had brought me nothing but wonderful things, and it made me wonder what was in store for us the next night, the last night that we had with each other for the weekend. I hoped that it would be just as good as the first night, maybe better. Would she really baby me for real? And if she did, would I be courageous enough to let her? I had never dressed like that in front of anyone, nor really even talked about it with her in person or on the phone.

I shut out all of the thoughts for the night and soon fell asleep, thanking God for what was given to me.

Morning came by rather quickly, or so it seemed to me. Jill slept peacefully next to me, and I decided that even though I wanted to get out of bed that I’d remain where I was so she wouldn’t wake up. After all, it was the least I could do for her after last night. I would remain in my bed for another half hour before she’d wake up that morning.

“Mmm…you awake, John?” she yawned as she stretched.


“What time is it?”

“Almost nine.”

“Fun, fun. I guess I should get up, huh?”

“If you want to sleep more, that’s fine.” I offered.

“Nah. We’ve gotta have fun for the rest of the day, right?” she looked over at me.

“Right you are!”

We both dragged ourselves out of bed, and I stretched as I stood up. It took about an hour for both of us to shower and get ready for the day, and it irked me a bit. Time always seems to fly by when you don’t want it to. It’s like a stupid trick that God plays on people whenever they want time to slow down. Or, even worse, time remains slow when you want it to go by quick! A mind boggling thought!

We started the day out with some death food—er, college food. It wasn’t horrible, but it was definitely a far cry from food at home. Next came the mini golf, then a trip to the bookstore and the mall. Jill seemed to be having just as good of a time as I was, which was what I was aiming for. I think the best time was in the video store, though. We walked past the adult movies section and soon got into a discussion about how embarrassed people must’ve felt when they browsed through that section. I chose to use my humor and quickly called over a clerk.

“Excuse me, sir!” I asked as Jill became puzzled.

“Yes?” the clerk asked as he headed over in my direction.

“Could you please tell me where your inappropriate DVD’s are?”

“I-Inappropriate? U-umm…they’re right behind you.” the clerk was obviously embarrassed.

“Thank you!”

Jill busted out laughing, and I soon followed.

“John, you’re such a dork! That poor kid!”

“Hey, I’m sure he’ll remember this day for the rest of his life!” I laughed.

“Too true!”

We continued our day of fun until dinner time. Once again we went out to eat, only this time Jill offered to pay.

“Nonsense! With gas prices so high, you need to save your money, my friend!” I assured her.

“Come on! You paid last night!”

“True, but my parents gave me a bunch of money, plus I have a decent amount saved up. Don’t worry about it!”

“If you say so! Thanks, John.” Jill smiled.

“You’re quite welcome.”

Dinner went by rather quickly, and we were soon on our way back to my dorm once again. However, this time, Jill asked me if we could stop at the supermarket. I had an odd feeling that I knew what was coming up.

“S-sure!” I said nervously as I headed towards the next exit. “I could use some popsicles and other senseless items!”

“Dork! Haha!”

We soon found ourselves inside of the store, strolling around. I didn’t know where anything was since I’d never been there before.

“So, what do you need to get?” I asked Jill.

“Well, I could use some more my acne wash.”

“Ah, I see.”

“And I need to get some things for you.” she looked over at me with a smile.

My heart pounded against my chest. I knew what she was talking about, but I just didn’t believe it.

“Oh, boy! I wonder what it could be?”

“Hehehehe I think you know!”

We walked around the store some more, and I picked up a case of popsicles and some other random items that I probably didn’t need. Jill got her acne wash, and then we found it: the baby aisle. I felt as though I was facing the beast. I could feel my pulse in my neck as we delved further down the aisle.

“Are you okay?” Jill asked.

Damn…she must see the look on my face.

“Just nervous. I’ve never done this, you know.”


“Well…I bought some diapers a few weeks ago, but I ordered them online because I was too afraid to buy them in a public place.”

“Ohhh, so you have some diapers already?” she asked quietly with a smile on her face.

“Y-yeah.” I blushed.

“That’s great! We can just buy some baby stuff, and if anyone asks, we’ll tell them we’re going to a baby shower! Hehe!”

“We could…but…do you think maybe we could go to different registers? I’m afraid that people will know something’s up by the look on my face.”

“Awww, sure! Not a problem, buddy! Don’t worry.”

Jill seemed to know what she was doing as she quickly picked up some baby powder, baby wipes, a baby bottle, and a green pacifier. She didn’t once ask me questions about what she was buying, and I think it was because she knew that I was a bit uncomfortable about the whole being in public thing. Instead, she simply looked at me whenever she picked up an item and I’d smile and nod if I approved.

This…is happening. I can’t…believe it! Will this be it?

“Hmm…” Jill whispered as she held onto all of the items. “I think this is everything. I take it you don’t like baby food?”

“Not at all,” I chuckled, “though I like being fed.”

“Interesting. Well then! We can be on our way! You go out the other end of the aisle and then buy your things. I’ll come out of this side and wait to see you leave.”

“Jill, I can’t even explain how grateful I am for having you around and for what you’re doing right now.”

“Aww! Think nothing of it! I’ll be right behind you!”

Our plan worked out perfectly. Nobody asked questions, nobody saw us together (I was really more afraid that some of the students at the college would be there and see me than anything else), and we found our way back to my dorm. I could barely contain my emotions, but I knew I had to because I didn’t want to frighten Jill or attract any attention before we got inside.

Inside of the dorm, I anxiously and nervously placed my items where they belonged. Jill kept her items in her grocery bag and waited until I was finished.

“Are you ready?” she asked. “If you don’t want to do this, it’s okay.”

“I do…I’m just still nervous because I’ve never done it before, and I don’t want you to be weirded out.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve never done this before, either! I mean, I’ve babysat, but I’ve never taken care of somebody your size.” she giggled.

“Yeah.” I laughed. “Well, how should we go about doing this?”

“Well I think it’d be good if you locked your main door and shut your windows and blinds.”

I did all of the following in a matter of two minutes, then returned to where Jill was.

“Now, why don’t you tell me exactly what you want, and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Well, I really want to be treated like an infant. Not a toddler, but a little baby. You know, be put in diapers, be cooed and cuddled, and fed. Maybe tickled and burped.” I blushed, feeling extremely silly.

“I see. Now you said you didn’t like talking like a baby or using your diapers, right?”

“Yeah. I don’t know about those…it just seems weird…although what am I saying? The whole thing is odd!” I chuckled.

“Aw it’s alright! But that’s good about not using your diapers, because then I’d be a little freaked out.”

“Well, there’s something else about the diaper…I…kind of wondered what it’d be like to get changed into one. I mean, after I’m already in one. So I wouldn’t use it, but I’d still need a new one, as silly as that sounds.”

“Hmmmmmm…well, I think I can try to manage all of those things! I might have to improvise due to your size, though!” Jill said calmly with a smile.

“I understand.”

“Well, are you ready then?”

Come on, John. Remember the risks! Life is nothing without them! Just try it and get it over with! This is what you’ve always wanted!

“I’m ready.”


My saying that I feel applies right now: Hook, line, and sinker. I have captivated you, yes? More to come soon :slight_smile:

I, Infantilist

Yes you have, can’t wait for more.
Just a couple things. It’s an amazingly rare occurrance when two people in a story written for the online community experience such a blissful level of intimacy without having sex. And I must say, it was rather refreshing to read. Ironically, the little devil in me sighed in disappointment when they didn’t even browse the “inappropriate” section. lol
And, a green pacifier? Never heard of it, although that happens to be my favorite color.

I, Infantilist

Ah, well my friend, the way I–er, John Morrow was raised was that sex at first sight is immoral. That, and Mr. Morrow is one of the few males left who thinks with his correct head. I’m glad you found it refreshing!

Ah, and I have seen a green pacifier, but it glowed in the dark. A friend had it ^_^.

But anyway, here is the next chapter. Be forewarned that ultimate babying is involved…I’ll say nothing else before people start thinking “Gah, James–er, Dr_J writes too much before he posts another Chapter!”

So, here you go :slight_smile:

Chapter Five

Jill and I walked into my bedroom. She held her bag close as I again shut the door and locked it. I had to keep my bases secured!

“Okay, John. Now, where are these diapers that you bought?”

I went into the closet and dug out the shoebox, then handed it to Jill. She removed the top and smiled.

“These are so cute! They’re like a big baby’s diaper!”

“Hehe, that’s-that’s why I bought them.” I blushed more.

“Awww. Well then, I imagine you might be very embarrassed about me seeing you naked and all, but please know that I’ve seen guys before. So, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“O-okay. This is just new for me, so I’m really nervous and excited.”

“It’s okay! Would-would you like me to undress you?” Jill asked kindly.

“Would I?” I laughed.

“Alright then, my baby! Lie down on the bed, please.”

I did as I was instructed and faced the ceiling, my legs partially hanging off the end of the bed.

“I think it’s time to get you into a fwesh diaper!” Jill cooed as she removed my shorts and boxers.

I felt myself melt into the bed. I was half naked, on my bed, with a beautiful young woman waiting to put a diaper on me. I knew that sooner or later I’d become aroused, but I did my best to stop it from happening, for Jill would’ve probably become upset. My entire body turned to putty as she smiled down at me.

“What a cutie pie!” Jill said as she placed three diapers and the other baby items on the bed next to me. “Would you like your pacifier?”

I nodded with a smile as I felt my face continue to burn with excitement and embarrassment. Jill giggled lightly as she took the pacifier out of the package and gently placed it into my mouth. I sucked on it and couldn’t help but smile even further.

“Awwww, what a cute widdle baby! Now, it’s diaper time for you, little man!”

Jill opened up the baby wipes and pulled a few out, smiling as she smelled them.

“Smells so nice! See?” she said as she waved the wipes in front of my nose.

I nodded as I sucked on the pacifier. Jill then slowly started to wipe me down, making sure to get everywhere that the diaper would be covering. The feeling was beyond my comprehension, and I soon felt like I was floating on thin air.

“Now, I need your help with this part. Can you help lift your legs up? I’ll still hold onto them, too, I just think it’ll make things easier.”

I soon raised my legs just a bit, and Jill cooed and responded with, “Aww, what a good widdle baby!”

Jill then placed her one arm under both of my legs as if to lift them, then wiped my backside ever so gently. The feeling was heavenly! I felt a bond between me and Jill that was stronger than any bond I’d ever had with another person…even my own parents.

I lowered my legs once Jill was finished, and then she took the canister of baby powder and twisted the cap open. I could immediately smell the infantile scent of the powder as some of it escaped through the little holes on the top of the container. That’s when I couldn’t avoid becoming aroused, and I started to blush and feel a bit ashamed, but I didn’t let Jill know.

“Hmm, you like this, eh? It’s okay. I’d be a bit startled if you didn’t get like that during a time like this. Now, it’s time to powder you up, sleepy baby! No dydee rash for you!” she giggled.

I sighed and continued to suck on the pacifier as I heard those words escape Jill’s lips. Thankfully she didn’t care about my reaction. That was what I was most afraid of, because while I did feel a sense of bliss, this other feeling wasn’t something that I was expecting, and I was so sure that it would ruin the moment. Boy was I wrong!

Jill shook the powder with ease until she was satisfied that my skin was as white as snow. The smell brought my high to a new level as I felt Jill gently rubbing the powder in. I felt my breaths grow shorter as she continued this motion.

“Okay, mister. Could you lift up again for me?”

I lifted my legs once again, and Jill then powdered my bottom generously, giggling lightly as she did so. I too giggled as I continued to keep the pacifier in my mouth.

“You’ve got to be the best baby I’ve taken care of!” she laughed. “Most babies I watch kick and squirm! But not you! No, you’re too good of a baby waby to do that, aren’t ya? Ohhh yes you are!”

I’ve heard of people who claimed that they’ve been awakened after going to a spiritual gathering or who’ve found out who they truly were after they’d suffered some form of torture. I for one will gladly admit that this experience brought out every good feeling my body could come up with. It was like I’d just been given some super potent muscle relaxant, only it was laced with some kind of ecstasy that made me think about nothing but the situation at hand.

Once done with the powder, Jill then grabbed a diaper off of the bed and carefully opened it up.

“Awwwwww, just wook at this dydee! All big and puffy, and so cute with the prints on it! I can see why you got these! I bet they look so cute on you, too! Hehe now I get to find out! Keep those legs up, baby!” Jill said playfully as she waved the diaper around.

I did as she instructed, and soon she slid the diaper gently beneath me, making sure that it came up just above my backside. She lowered my legs down and smiled at me some more.

“Mmm, you smell so fresh! You know what that means! It’s time to get that cute diaper on you!”

She seems as though she’s enjoying this just as much as I am!

“Oh yes! Dydee time for you! Here we go!”

Jill grabbed the front of the diaper and carefully placed it just above my waistline. She then worked on the left side of the diaper until it was all taped up nice and snug, then did the same on the right side. I’d done it! I’d just been diapered for the first time!

“Alllll done! You cute little baby! You and your cute dydee and you lil’ pacifier. Awwwww.” she gently patted the front of my diaper, completely fine with my manhood’s current state of excitement.

I went to sit up, but Jill giggled as she pushed me back down, lifted my shirt, and lightly muzzled my stomach, making me laugh.

“Tickwish baby! That’s you! Yes it is!”

I briefly took the pacifier out of my mouth and gave Jill a heartfelt “thank you.” She again said it was no problem and then told me that the night wasn’t over yet. She asked me if I’d like to crawl around for a bit before she fed me, to which I nodded my head and made my way to the floor.

“Hm…would you like me to go down there with you, baby?”


Jill sat down on the floor while I briefly crawled around. She gently patted my diapered butt and tickled me some. After a bit of crawling, she placed both hands on either side of my body, pulled me into her lap and started tickling and muzzling me more, cooing the whole time.

“Gootchie goo! You cutie pie! You’re so cute!” she was on a cuteness rampage as she continued to tickle me!

I couldn’t help but bust out in laughter and eventually my pacifier fell out of my mouth from laughing so hard. I didn’t cry or anything silly like that. I just laughed even harder, and Jill as well.

“I think it’s time for you to eat, mister! Let’s go into the living room, okay? You want to crawl there or do you want me to help you in?” she looked at me with complete adoration, as if I was a real infant.

I knew she couldn’t carry me there, but I still wished if she could. I asked that she helped me in since I felt a bit silly crawling around. She completely understood and helped me to my feet.

“Okay baby! Here we go! A little bit at a time! I’ve got you!” Jill said as she grabbed my hand with one of hers and placed her other hand where my diaper and my lower back met.

We made our way to the couch, and she told me to wait right there as she got my food ready. I of course complied. I didn’t want to be mischievous or silly…no, I just wanted to be babied and nothing else!

Jill came through the hallway as I sat on the couch, and I couldn’t help but smile. I had just as much adoration for her as she did for me, and I think she knew it, because she sat down on the end of the couch and motioned for me to go to her. I moved over to her, and she instantly placed my head up by her shoulder with a pillow against the arm of the couch so I was propped up. She then held me even more tightly than before with her one hand beneath my diapered butt and the other with a bottle in her hand.

“I think you know what time it is, baby! Baba time! Drink up!” she cooed as she gently guided the bottle’s nipple to my mouth.

I gladly accepted the bottle and soon started sucking away at it as Jill gently rocked me and patted my butt. The feeling, added with everything else that had happened, soon made me appreciate more than just the weekend’s events. My family, my friends, Jill…my life, all just really made me happy. I didn’t think about any assignments I had to do, or how much I was going to miss Jill when she left, or anything negative. I simply thought about where I was then and now. I was a mere baby who was being cared for by a wonderful woman who simply adored the person I was.

The bottle was finished in ten minutes, and Jill giggled as she told me in a babyish voice how quick of a drinker I was.

“Let’s get those little bubbles out of baby’s tummy. Come on up here.” Jill cooed as she sat me up and placed my head over her shoulder.

My legs found their way around Jill, but I made sure that I wasn’t actually sitting on her, as I knew I was a bit bigger than she was. Jill stroked my hair again and started to pat my back and diapered bottom gently as she continued to rock back and forth. I held onto her so tightly at that moment that I didn’t think anyone could’ve gotten us apart if they tried. I was became aroused once again as Jill continued to coo me and burp me.

I let out a few fake burps just to add to the feeling, and Jill got a kick out of this.

“Awwwwwwww, burpy-wurpy! Good baby boy! Hmmm, I feel something in your diaper…does my baby need another changey-wangey?” she cooed as she looked at me with a grin.

Now, Jill knew that I didn’t want to try using my diaper, but I think she asked me this question not because she thought that I had actually used it, but because she knew that it added to the feeling that I’d yearned for. That, and she was obviously aware of my erection. I jokingly shook my head no and laughed a bit.

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm!” I smiled.

“I think you may need a diaper change, baby! Let’s check your cute lil’ dydee!” she cooed even more as she took her hand and pulled on the back of my diaper as if to check it.

“Nothing there…” she giggled.

Jill then sat me a tiny bit away from her and felt the front of my diaper, which made me squirm with pleasure.

“Awwwwwww I tink you need to be changed again! You need another nice, fwesh dydee and some powder, don’t you? Don’t you? Oh yes you do! Yes you do!”

I giggled and wondered what Jill had planned. She gently helped me off of the couch and led me back into my bedroom the same way she’d led me out. Instead of laying me back on my bed, Jill took my blanket, laid it out on the floor, and motioned for me to lay down on it. Without hesitation I laid back on the blanket and smiled. I could feel my manhood trying to stick straight up, but the diaper made it impossible. Jill noticed, too.

She grabbed the diaper changing supplies off of the bed and gently set them next to me on the blanket. Then, she moved my legs apart and knelt down in between them.

“I know you didn’t use your diaper,” she laughed, “I just thought it’d add to the fun and feeling. Here’s your pacifier, mister!”

What did I tell you? I accepted the pacifier again and prepared for the last diaper change I’d get for the night.

“Let’s get you out of this dydee and into a nice, new one! Yessss. Then baby will be all fwesh and happy! I’ll make sure you’re nice and snug in your dydee again. Ohh yes I will!”

Jill leaned over me a bit so she could reach the tapes of the diaper. She ripped open the left tapes, then worked on the right side until the front of the diaper slowly peeled down. I was definitely dry, but Jill still wanted me to feel as babyish as I possibly could.

“Awww, you wet your dydee! Poor baby! It okey dokey! Jilly’s here to give you a dydee wydee changey wangey! Oop! And what’s this?” she cooed as she pulled the front of the diaper further down and saw what she had felt earlier. “Aww that must be uncomfortable, being all twapped in your dydee. It’s okay! I’ll take good care of you!”

No way. This is a dream! I’ll wake up and she won’t be here! And-oh…

Jill covered my manhood with the opened diaper and pressed down a bit. That was when I had to make sure that she wanted this. Part of me couldn’t shake the thought that she may have felt obligated to do this, so I asked if she was okay with it, just to make sure.

“Shhh. I’m completely fine with it.” was all she said with a smile on her face.

So I allowed her to continue for a moment as my body continued to reawaken itself even further. It made me wonder if this is how someone felt when they woke up from a coma. I could feel the cloth pressed against me as Jill continued to lovingly make me feel extra special.

I could barely take it anymore, and I truly thought that I was going to burst, but Jill wouldn’t stop. It was like she wanted me to experience this, and so I did. I no longer restricted myself and let my body finish its natural process. I was invincible! I smiled as if I’d just conquered the planet with Jill at my side!

“Alllll better! Now let’s finish getting your diaper changed.”

And so she did. Just like before, she started the diapering process, making sure to remove my old diaper, wipe me and powder me generously once again, and get a new diaper all ready for me. This time, Jill baby talked me even further than she had the last time.

“Here we go! Another nice dydee for you! Oh yess. So thick and comfy on your widdle bottom! First we lift your legs, then we slide the dydee underneath you, and then we lower you back down. And finally, here it comes! We tape up your cute dydee allllll nice and snug! Awwww there you are!” she said as she gently tickled my stomach with her hand.

“Jill…thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome. Now, would you like me to cradle you a bit?”

I nodded my head, and Jill popped the pacifier back into my mouth as she sat up on the bed and kindly asked me to lay down across her lap with my legs partially lifted. I did as she asked, and she then placed one hand under my diapered butt and the other beneath my back and slowly started to rock me again, making sure to look down at me as if I were nothing but a helpless infant.

“My cute baby…yesss it’s cradle time! Back and forth we go…” she hummed as she continued.

We sat like that for almost a half hour, Jill and I. This woman was a Godsend, without a doubt. I knew that there’d never be anybody else to replace her in my life, and at that moment, after everything we’d been through and all of the years that we’d gotten to know each other, I then wished to be with her.

Jill finished cradling me and asked, “was that fun?” with a smile on her face. I nodded vigorously and thanked her at least forty times as I hugged her tightly. She returned the hug, only this time she moved in to kiss me, her lips just landing on the edge of mine. One kiss led to another, and we were soon both laying on my bed, kissing each other more and more passionately. Jill removed her pants, shirt, and bra, and I switched back over from a diaper to boxers (hey, that’d be a bit odd if you ask me!).

Our make out session lasted for about two hours, and oddly enough, neither of us had sex on the brain; it just wasn’t what we wanted that night. I went to sleep that night with my arms around Jill, dreading the thought of her leaving the following morning. She told me she’d come back another weekend, or that I’d be able to come see her sometime, but I’d soon find out that people change…drastically.


Okay, so first things first, before any of you say, “Ohhh Dr_J, you’re such a softy, you’re afraid to include full-fledged sexual content in your story!”, I want to let you know that I never add any of that into any of my writing, because I honestly don’t feel the need to give people a vivid picture of two made up characters having outrageous sex. But, feel free to let me know what you think of this segment, and I promise to post more in a timely manner :smiley:

I, Infantilist

Post More!!! This is a great story.

I, Infantilist

Another splendid adition!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. This is an AB story the likes of which I’ve either never red before, or have come across much too infrequently to remember. Don’t sweat the supposed prudery; this place isn’t big on sex anyway. And, I’m very glad that males who think with the correct head, as well as green pacifiers still exist. I’ll have one of each.
One last thing.

but I’d soon find out that people change…drastically.

Uh oh. Is it my imagination, or do I smell a bit of foreshadowing here?

I, Infantilist

Your sense of smell serves you well, my friend! And now, you get to see just what happens.

Chapter Six

The morning came rather quickly on that Sunday. Jill had her things packed in almost no time, and we grabbed a quick bite to eat for breakfast. Both of us had homework to do since we’d spent most of the weekend with each other (not that either of us minded).

Once breakfast was eaten, I walked Jill back to her car with a slight feeling of separation anxiety in my chest. Visions of her using her maternal instincts on me strengthened my bond with her, and I knew we wouldn’t be able to see each other for a few more weeks.

“It’ll go by faster than you think!” she said as I put her bags in her trunk.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Well, I guess this is goodbye!”

“Wait, Jill. I—thank you. Not just for last night, but for this whole weekend. I hope you had as much of a good time as I did.”


That one word and the way it was said should’ve been my first clue that something was up, but no. I brushed it off and hugged my friend. Her door closed, and then she was on her way back, away from me. I smiled as I kept thinking about the time we had. From golfing to me being babied, the weekend went by flawlessly, and I felt like a new man. I’d never felt that way about anyone, and Jill allowed me to put so much trust in her! Such a dark secret I had and such a rare thing for someone like me to find a woman like her! But, all good things must come to an end, and I had to learn it the hard way…

A couple of weeks had passed. Classes went fine, and the friendship between me and my suitemates grew tremendously. Dan and Chris (my other suitemate) definitely liked a lot of the same things as I did, and we talked about pretty much anything (with the exception of you know what). I knew I’d consider them my brothers within just a few more months!
Jill, on the other hand, messaged me less and less with the passage of time. Our conversations would end abruptly with a “I g2g…bye!” and then she’d vanish. No emails, no calls. I told myself that she was busy and that she’d be coming up the following week. She didn’t. Instead, she sent me a text message with some excuse in which I can’t even remember. I was crushed! I’d had my share of people stand me up before, but this time it hurt worse than ever before. I hadn’t even asked her to come and baby me that weekend because I really just wanted to spend some more time with her. Sure, being babied would have been lovely, but at the same time, I didn’t feel that I needed it then.

I called Jill on the Sunday of that weekend to ask her if she wanted me to come up to visit her one weekend, but I got her voicemail.

What’s the sense in leaving a message? Something’s wrong…but what could it be? Does she hate me? Is she freaked out? I have to know!

Unanswered questions ran through my brain for the following three days, and they got in the way of my normal daily routine. I couldn’t focus in class, I wasn’t very hungry, and I kept telling myself that it was my fault. Then that Wednesday night, she appeared on the messenger program.

Me: Jill! Where’ve you been?

Jill: Around.

Me: I’m sorry you couldn’t make it out this past weekend, but I was wondering if you wanted me to come up sometime. I’d love to visit!

Jill: Doesn’t matter to me.

Something was terribly wrong! This wasn’t Jill!

Me: You okay? You’ve been acting kind of strange lately…

Jill: Meh. What’s it to you?

Me: Are you serious right now? I’m your friend and I care about you!

There was no answer for a few minutes. That’s when I knew what would happen, but like a moth that’s attracted to the flame, I went further in.

Me: Did I say or do something wrong a couple of weeks ago? I mean, it seems that ever since you left here you’ve stopped talking to me, but you seemed to be enjoying yourself when we hung out.

Jill: Oh, John…how do I put this…

Was she gay? Did I creep her out? The box was about to be opened!

Jill: I just…look. You’re a really great guy.

Oh no…

Jill: And I did have a great time with you and all, but…

No…no! No! This can’t be it! God! She was supposed to be the one! She knows everything!

Jill: I just don’t see myself settling down with you.

Me: So you stopped talking to me for a few weeks because of it? There must be something else going on, Jill. I’m not stupid, you know.

There was a brief period of silence, which only made my level of suspicion higher. I imagine Jill sensed that I was angry even though I was hiding behind a computer monitor. Then, the shocker.

Jill: I found out that I’m pregnant.

Me: You’re fucking kidding me.

Jill: No. I’m not. Me and this guy I met at a party during the first week of college had a fling. At first I was torn between you and him, but…he wants to raise the child with me, and he’s a great guy.

A nightmare. That’s what this was. A living nightmare. The woman I fell for had just chosen not to catch me, and I hit the ground. Hard.

Me: I see…so you just took me for a test drive?

Jill: No! Nooo. I mean, I didn’t know if I was in love with you or with Nick at the time. I was confused.

She’d slept with another man. She’d found love somewhere else. Her life was ruined, and mine was soon to follow.

Me: So this is it? We’re “just friends” now? There’s no hope? No chance for us?

Jill: I don’t want you to bear the burden of having to raise my child with me, John. You’re a great guy and you’ve got so much going for you.

Me: And once again, I’m left for dead…

Jill: Oh come on! Don’t talk like that!

Me: No, Jill! I will talk like that! I told you everything! EVERYTHING there is to know about me, and you accepted me for who I am! For God’s sake, you gave me the experience of a lifetime, and this is how I get repaid. You go and sleep with some dude and get knocked up!

Jill: …

Me: I love you, Jill! You had the opportunity to go out with me and you let it slip through your fingers! Now you’re going out with some guy because he got you pregnant. You can’t be going out with him because you love him, Jill. If you loved him you’d have talked to me about him long ago and you wouldn’t have even thought about going out with me!

Then, the bombshell.

Jill: Ohhh yeah. Like I’d want to go out with someone who doesn’t want to be a man all of the time.

Through the heart her words went. Like daggers they cut deep into me, and I gasped in horror. I grabbed my phone and called Jill, my brain under an irreversible state of shock, rage, and sadness. Her phone rang only twice, and then she picked up.

“John, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mea-”

“I can’t believe you!” I screamed as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. “You would use my secret against me?! Is that what I am to you?! A half of a man?!”

“I-I was mad and—”

“You have made a fool of me, Jill, and you have broken my heart!”

“John,” I could hear her voice crack, “I’m so sorry…I’m sorry! Please forgive me!”

“I will forgive you when I feel that you actually mean that you’re sorry! Until then, don’t talk to me! Don’t call, don’t message me, and don’t even think of me for at least a month!”

I shut my phone and threw it on the floor as I sobbed. I’d been betrayed a few times before, but never by somebody so close to me. And to make things worse, she’d delivered a low blow with enough force to bring me to my knees. I couldn’t stand for the half hour following our ugly conversation.

The next few days my head kept replaying Jill’s last few words. “Please forgive me!” Forgive her? How could I forgive her when I could no longer forgive myself for sharing with her what I was? My perception of Jill was altered in an instant. As for my perception of myself? Let’s just say that I plummeted to many nights of drinking, sobbing, and shuddering at the thoughts of my old best friend. There was no magic, no surgery, no cure, to piece my heart and soul back together. I would continue to beat myself up over this matter well into the end of my first semester at college, and only after months of tormenting myself would I regain my self confidence.


Now, I know this chapter’s short, but there is actually a reason behind it: just like a “slap in the face” so to speak, it’s quick and painful. This chapter does just that. You can cry now if you’d like, because a lot of people who’ve read this have told me that they were rather upset. However, such is life. It can’t be all about unicorns and cherries, sadly. Your thoughts?

I, Infantilist

Great chapter! I really like how this is real. Not just some fairy tale, its all plausible. Keep it coming

I, Infantilist

Wow. This chapter hurt to read. I’m totally hooked on reading this story. Please don’t le this end badly; I think John deserves a “happily ever after” ending.

I, Infantilist

It hurt me to write it, my friend. No worries, though. I’ll post the next section, and as our hero continues onward, things will take a turn for the better.

Here you go everyone!

Chapter Seven

Jill never called after the first month passed. Nor did she when the first semester went by. I didn’t try to call her, either. Instead, I moved along my first semester with a sense of uncertainty of everyone around me. Sure, I had friends and colleagues whom I talked to on a regular basis, but I made sure to never let any of them get too close. No matter how nice the person was or how beautiful and kind the woman was, I’d only let them know so much about me before they reached the impassable moat I’d built around myself.

Drinking also became a bi-weekly routine. Every other weekend I’d drink myself stupid with a bunch of the people living in my building, and sometimes with people who I hardly knew. The problem with alcohol is that is happens to be somewhat of a truth serum, and while I hate to admit it, that’s exactly what helped me to open myself back up to people.

You see, there was a night during the last couple of weeks of my second semester when my roommates and I decided to throw a huge end of the school year/just drink like a lush party. There were many familiar and unfamiliar faces that showed up that night, but I didn’t care because I’d had a few shots of Jagermeister before everyone came to loosen up. I was buzzed to say the least, but I was told by many that I was “a happy drunk”, so the people I conversed with smiled a lot when I attempted to engage in a conversation with them.

Well, after a few hours and four beers later, I managed to bump into one of the women from my English class, so I gently walked—er, stumbled over to her to say hello. She was sitting alone inside of my living room with a beer in her hand.

What…is her name? Trisha! Yeah! I think…

“Hey there, Trisha!” I said to the redhead loudly.

“Oh, hello John.” she softly spoke.

Now Trisha was one of those people who made me wonder if she liked me or not because of the way she looked at me. I could never tell if she was either angry with me or she just came off that way, but you can never be too certain with some people.

“Why are you sitting in here by yourself? Most of the party’s going on outside!”

“I don’t know. I’m really in the mood to talk for a bit! Would you like to talk, John, or are you too drunk?”

“Well, I’m not that drunk…but I don’t want you to pull any of your psychology stuff on me if we talk!”

“Oh, come now! It’s the end of the year! I wouldn’t dare, especially when you’re under the influence!”

“Well, good! So, what should we talk about?”

We delved into different areas of discussion from there. Trisha seemed to be more interested in what I had to say than usual, but I think it was from the drinking she’d done that night. Still, I pushed it aside and enjoyed our conversation for a couple of hours.

“Oh, John! You’ve got to be one of the funniest people I know! You’re almost never like this when you’re sober!”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I mean you’re usually so distant from everybody!”

“Wow…is it really that obvious?”

“Yeah, actually. I mean, you’re nice all of the time, but still, I notice you don’t let anyone get too close.”

“I think that alcohol has given you some kind of psychic power, Trisha!” I laughed.

Trisha chuckled as she twirled her fingers around her long hair. The smell of her perfume lightly danced around my nose while the look in her eyes beckoned me to tell her what happened. I decided to play the partial truth game with her just to cover my tracks.

“Nah, but you’re kind of right. I’ve had a bit of a trust issue with people since last semester.”

“Ohh. What happened?”

“Just…someone I thought I knew turned out to be a completely different person.”


Damn it…careful what you say, John!

“She used my secret against me.” I blurted out.

Damn the alcohol!

“Secret, eh? You’re the last person I’d expect to have a secret!”

“Please. Everybody has a secret. Mine just happens to be very personal, and I plan on taking it to the grave with me.”

Why do I keep talking?! Shut up John!

“John, I’m officially intrigued! It sounds pretty deep!”

“Well, let’s get one thing straight: I’m not gay, and I didn’t kill anybody.” I joked. “Everyone always thinks that one of those two things is the secret.”

“Ha! You definitely don’t seem like the type to like other men or kill other people!”

“Ohh yes,” I put on a fake lisp, “I love men and killing people!”

We both burst out in laughter for a good half of a minute and almost spilled our beers while doing so.

“Well, I’m not going to ask you what your secret is, John.”

“And I’m probably never going to tell you what it is. The last person I told decided she thought it’d be a good idea to use it in a personal attack, and I haven’t spoken to her ever since.”

“Aw, that’s horrible!”

“I know.”

“Well, whatever it is, I still think you’re an admirable person, and should you ever find it in you to tell me about it, I won’t think any less of you.”

“Thanks, Trisha. However, I beg to differ. You see, it’s a rather touchy subject. There was one point in which I almost told my parents, but then I found out the hard way that they were completely against it. I mean, imagine having your own parents show so much disgust and arrogance towards people like me. They don’t know that I fit into that group of people, but still. It scares me to even think how others would react.”

“But you shouldn’t let it fester, John. I understand that you now have a trust issue with everybody, but I mean, have you ever thought about telling a therapist or counselor?”

“Please, they’d send me to the nuthouse as soon as they found out. ‘What did you come here for, John?’ ‘Oh, well you see, I like to be babied sometimes’—oh God…I didn’t just…”


The alcohol became my worst enemy in that instant. I know that it was good for me to let out what was bothering me for so long, but I didn’t want it to have to be that way, especially in front of Trisha or anyone else on campus. The risks were too much for me to take.

“It’s nothing, Trisha.” I felt myself sober up rather quickly as I looked away.

“John, don’t feel bad.”

“But why shouldn’t I? I mean, here I am, 19 years old, and I want to be the exact opposite of what I should be!” I argued as I choked up. “You weren’t there! You don’t know how hard it was for me to live with this for so long, Trisha! For years I kept it in and let it eat away at me, calling myself a freak! And then I have the courage to tell the only person I loved, and what does she do? She turns her back on me and ridicules me! That only adds to the feeling of regret!”

“Look at me, John.”

“What kind of man am I?! I would give anything to know why I was born with this! Was it so I could be deemed a freak by society if they found out? Was it so I could go crazy wondering why I’m attracted to such an infantile thing?!”

“John,” Trisha grabbed my hand, “calm down, buddy! It’s okay!”

“People always look at me like I’ve got it made and like everything’s fine, but they can’t see what I go through because they will never understand. They think I’m perfect, but I have this as my flaw…”

My fear got the best of me, yet my intoxicated state of mind let my tongue and brain out of their cages. I could hardly look Trisha in the eyes.

“Listen to me,” Trisha wiped some of my tears away, “it’s okay. Everyone has something about them that they can’t explain. That isn’t a flaw, John. That’s something about you that makes you happy, though I can see you’re rather personal about it, and there isn’t anything wrong with that! But don’t think I’m going to make fun of you for it. I am a psychology major, so I have heard of this kind of thing before. And do you know what? Whether you meant to tell me your secret or not, I think that you’re a very admirable man for admitting your ‘oddity.’ You have nothing to be ashamed of, and your secret is safe with me!”

“Trisha…” was all I managed to say as I hugged her tightly.

The “thank you” that I wanted to get out was silent, but I’m sure she knew I was grateful. She gave me a new sense of appreciation for myself and my desire. While Trisha understood, I had a feeling that she wouldn’t be the right person to try to go out with, or to ask to partake in my babying, but that was fine at the time. She soon became close friend, and she would support me through even the toughest times. Things aren’t always as they seem, though, but this time they’d take a turn for the better.


Now, I tell you in advance. Don’t get your hopes up with Trisha. She symbolizes the therapy John needed to overcome his self-loathing. But still, is this still realistic enough? I don’t want any part of this story to be “fake”, fake being something RIDICULOUS happens like John suddenly loses control of his bowels or something stupid like that.

Comments please :smiley:

I, Infantilist

I think this is still pretty plausible. I mean its alot more down to earth than some of the other stories. …and wayyyy more down to earth than some. I really enjoy it and want you to post more!!! :smiley: