Happy Fappy Nappy

April Fool’s Day and Easter, on the same day? Well, I couldn’t let that pass with out writing something silly for it! NOTE: diz is nawt a srs story. It iz just a silly story.

HAPPY FAPPY NAPPY

by CK-Cute Kitten

Snow fell gently, blanketing the world in a fluffy layer of white. It made a beautifully picturesque Christmas scene. Too bad it was Easter. Richard found White Easters very depressing. Especially when his mom forced him to help clean out the attic. There was already a large pile of his old babythings- crib, highchair, playpen, etc- at the end of the driveway with the garbage cans, waiting for the garbage men to take them away tomorrow morning.

Richard wasn’t sad. As he threw out all his old childhood things, no nostalgia gnawed at him. He just wanted to get the work done over with. His mom and grandma hadn’t spoken in…years. There was a huge family feud because reasons; his mom and grandma disagreed, they weren’t speaking- hadn’t spoken in years since the last Easter fight- so now his mothers did nothing on Easter. They didn’t celebrate Easter, hence cleaning out the attic.

He missed the rest of his family. He wanted to celebrate Easter. Hell, he’d even go to church. In fact, after he finished up here, he was heading off to his grandma’s. Just because his mother was an obnoxious cunt was no reason he wasn’t allowed to talk to the rest of the family. He just did it behind her back. At 21, he was moved out and on his own in a small studio apartment he shared with several roommates.

“Dick, are you finished yet? We’re getting ready to go through all the summer stuff we have in storage.” His mom called out. “I tried to order a pizza, but the pizza shop was closed. How stupid.”

Richard rolled his eyes. “It’s a holiday. Of course they’re closed.” He muttered to himself, then raised his voice, “I told you, after the attic, I’m leaving.”

“Nonsense! You said you’d help out. Why waste the day? What else are you doing?” His mom stuck her head into the hallway, where Richard had dragged all the attic paraphenalia.

“I’m hanging out with a friend. I said I’d help with the attic. Which I have done. I’m sure strong, independent women like you can handle the rest of your house.” Richard stood up with his old diaper genie tucked under his arm. He pushed past his mother before she could keep arguing. He knew her little game- she suspected where he was going, and she didn’t want him going there.

He breezed through the house and out into the Easter cold, carrying the diaper genie to the garbage. It was coated with years of dust and attic grime. He wrinkled his nose as dust whipped up on the breeze. He sneezed, dropping the diaper pail; it rolled in the snow. Cursing, he picked it up and brushed the snow off. The wet snow removed layers of dust and dirt as he wiped them away. The diaper genie suddenly grew warm under his chilly bare flesh. He blinked, picked it up, then dumped it on top of his old potty chair.

He pulled his keys out of his pocket and turned to head to his car. A girl sat on the hood of his car. She had golden skin, long black hair pulled into a ponytail and bound with a golden band. She wore a harem outfit of ruby red and had big, gold, dangly hoop earrings. She looked like she was dressed as Jasmine from Aladdin.

Richard blinked. “Um. That’s a nice costume, but it’s not Halloween. And it’s a little cold out. Could you please get off my car?”

The girl giggled as she slid off the car. “It’s not cold out at all. Don’t you just love the snow, Dicky? It’s just sand and more sand where I come from. And heat. Lots of heat. And sand. Did I mention there was a lot of sand?”

He’d never seen the girl before. “Uh…how do you know my name?” She’d probably heard his mother screeching. Like, duh. “Who are you?”

“Of course I know your name, silly! I know everything! All about your family! At least, all about your family ever since your mother’s babyshower, when she got the diaper genie.”

“Um. What?”

“Don’t you get it? I’m the diaper genie!” The girl gesticulated wildly. Richard stared. He blinked. She puffed her cheeks out. “You know! The genie of the diaper pail! Okay, I’ll grant you, it’s a little odd. We genies usually come from lamps. But this was…extenuating circumstances that trapped me in the diaper genie. But you set me free, so you get some wishes. Or something like that. That’s how it normally goes, right?”

Richard blinked. He blinked again. He stared then he blinked some more. He blinked and stared and stared and blinked. And so on and so forth. Then he burst out laughing. “Okay, haha. Very funny. Where’s the hidden camera?”

Genie’s cheeks puffed up like puffer fish again. She stamped a foot and her golden ankle bracelets jingled. “I’m not joking! I have magical powers!” She snapped her fingers and the garbage cans danced.

Richard stared. "Right…so you’re a genie imprisoned in the diaper pail, and I set you free? Why didn’t you ever come out for my mom? We sure could’ve used your help when I was growing up. "

“Because I don’t like her. She’s like a yappy, mean chihuahua you just wanna punt over a fence. And technically the term is djinn, but genie is the more familiar lexicon in this part of the world.”

“…Wait, you’re saying you can pick who you show yoursself to? And you don’t really seem to know about the wishes, either.” Richard crossed his arms. “You should’ve done your research to make this prank seem more authentic.”

“Well…” Genie bit her lip and looked sideways. “Rules have never really been my thing, you know? C’mon, you’re breaking your mother’s rules, sneaking off to grandma’s to play with the Easter Bunny. Oh, that reminds me! You really should get a diaper on!”

“What are you on about?” Richard jerked back like she’d slapped him at the mention of diaper. His cheeks flared bright red and he pretended like he never heard it. “I’m majoring in mythology. I know about djinn. Genies. And those rules are more like nature’s laws. Like gravity. You don’t get to choose what rules you follow.”

Now Genie blushed. “Oh, hey! You’re Mommy’s looking out the window. I think she might come outside. We’d better get going.”

“Yes, I’d better leave. Happy Easter.” Richard walked past the strange girl, shaking his head. She really was pulling his leg. He got into his car and drove away, watching the strange girl disappear in his rearview mirror.

He was almost at his grandma’s house. In his car. By himself. No strange girl in a hot Halloween costume around.

“Dicky, you REALLY, REALLY, REAALLLLLYYYYYYY should put a diapee on.” Genie spoke with an echo that is written in all capital letters for extra empahsis on how echoy and important it is. Or was. Let’s have fun switching up tenses cuz YOLO. I mean, reasons.

“AH! GAH! IT’S YOU!” Richard shouted in surprise, jerking the wheel. The car almost hit an 18 wheeler, but the steering wheel magically maneuvered the car back into it’s own lane and began driving all on its own. Richard tried to place his hands on the wheel and got a sharp static shock. “Ah!” He cried in pain, tried to touch the wheel, and got zapped again.

"Relax, I got the wheel. " Genie waved her hand.

“How are you doing that!” Richard stared in awe, watching his car drive itself.

“Magic. I told you, I’m a genie.” Genie giggled.

He tried to touch the wheel again, but his palms were stinging. So he just sat and stared.

“Now, about getting you diapered-”

“Why the hell would I need a diaper?” Richard blushed again.

“Because…well…there is kinda sorta a teensy, tiny, itty bitty price to pay for having an all powerful, magnificent, hot, sexy, beautiful, charming, most gorgeous genie granting you wishes. Like, I’m kinda sorta attached to you now. I came out of a diaper pail. Do you see where this is heading?”

“No?” Richard still stared at his self-driving car.

Genie face palmed. "Like, my magic kinda intereferes with your bodily functions. Or something. I don’t know the science or rules behind it. " She shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d really mind much. You like diapers- you have a whole closet full of them. And you go on all those diaper forums and stuff.”

“HEY! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!!!” Richard yelled. “ARE YOU SOME PERVERT WHOSE BEEN SPYING ON ME?”

“No! US GENIES KNOW ALL!” Genie shouted back just cuz. “Anyway, you’re gonna be, like, needing diapers. I mean NEEDING them. Like, you’re not potty trained anymore.”

“Are you saying I’ll be peeing myself?”

“Among other things. Yes.”

“So…like, Aladdin needed diapers? That explains the baggy pants.”

“Well. No. I don’t really know how it goes with Aladdin. I only saw the Disney movie when you and your mom watched it at home. But that was more of a traditional genie. I’m more…unconventional. Yes, unconventional! I like that word, it really fits. I’m an unconventional genie.”

“From a diaper genie.” Richard snorted, now used to the idea of his car driving itself. He looked at her. “So, like…I get three wishes? Then afterwards, you disappear? You’re freed? How does all this work?”

“Gah! Stop pressuring me!” Genie yanked on her long ponytail. “I don’t really know! I’ve never done this before, and I really suck with rules. I’m just kinda winging it as a I go along. I was attached to the diaper genie, now I’m attached to you. Three wishes is so boring, anyway. I’ve been cooped up for so long. So let’s just have fun and make it up as we go along!”

“Okay, then. I wish myself potty trained.” Richard rolled his eyes.

“Um. It doesn’t work like that. I can’t change that. I can magic you up a big training potty that plays music when you ‘flush’ the handle? Or how about a nice, super thick diaper with little rattles and blocks? What color? White diapers are so boring. But I really need to get some padding on you before…oh. Um.”

“What?” Richard started then gasped as his crotch suddenly felt wet and warm. He’d peed! He just pissed himself without warning! “I PEED! WHAT THE HELL!!”

“Relax! I told you this would happen. Well, now you know I wasn’t lying!” Genie grinned. She snapped her fingers; the inside of the car filled with red smoke and sparkles. Richard coughed. When the smoke cleared, his pants were down his ankles and he sat in a big, puffy, GINORMOUSLY SUPER DUPER SO BIG IT MUST BE DESCRIBED IN ALL CAPS diaper. It was yellow with Easter eggs plastered all over the tape panel. His jeans wouldn’t fit over the diaper CUZ IT WAS LIKE SO, SUPER BIG.

“What? My family can’t see me like this! Couldn’t you put me in a medical diaper? Genie, I wish for a medical diaper!” Richard hollered out desperately.

“Um. I’ll try?” Genie snapped her fingers. The diaper just grew EVEN BIGGER!!! “Oops.” She giggled as he glared at her. “Here, I’ll fix your pants!” She snapped her fingers again. Another puff of smoke, some glitter, and his jeans now covered his diaper. Except they had elastic wasteband and snaps running down the inseams.

“Uh-oh. Um…no one will notice? Just tell them it’s the latest French fashion? Besides, everyone will be busy looking at me, your stunningly perfect girlfriend!” She grinned.

Richard blinked. “Um…I’m gay…and my family knows it.”

“Got a boyfriend?”

“No…”

“Well, now you’ve got a girlfriend.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“Then how else are you going to explain me?”

“Um…do you have to come?”

“Yes! I’m attached to you. You can’t get rid of me even if you wanted to. So, me being your girlfriend totes explains us always being together!” Genie grinned.

“No one will believe it.”

“I know, I’m like way out of your league.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then you figure an excuse out.” Genie stuck her tongue out at him.

Okay, this was so odd and amazing!! Please go on, I’m definitely hooked! And he has the nickname of my favorite fictional character! (Dick Grayson). Anyway, please continue.

Interesting,
It seems that Dick has a peculiar problem to ponder…

iz SOOOOOO gud. plz moar!!!

(Seriously though, the genie sounds like an adorable and delightful character. I especially liked the “way of your league”-comment. I hope she pops up in other stories too.)

Soon they were at Richard’s grandma’s house. A bunch of motorcycles were parked in the front yard. Genie parked the car. Richard still hadn’t figured out what he’d tell his family.

“Hey, what’s with all the motorcycles? Ooh, I like the pink one!” Genie pointed like an excited kid. Richard watched her hooterlicious hooters bounce.

“My grandma runs a motorcycle gang. Heaven’s Demons. The pink one is hers.” He sat in the car, forehead on the steering wheel. “Ugh, what am I going to say?” He glanced over at Genie as she got out the car. “Hey, that’s it! Genie, I have a wish! I wish for a solution to explain you to my family!”

“That’s the spirit! You’re catching on pretty quick.” Genie grinned, snapped her fingers and blinked. Nothing happened. No poof, no smoke, no sparkles. Not even a snap crackle pop. Not even a fart. Genie was still dressed like a Halloween harem girl, and Richard still wore his snap-crotch jeans with GIGANTICALLY ENORMOUS, SO BIG IT MUST BE WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS diaper bulge. Like seriously serious, his diaper was SUPER noticeable. You couldn’t miss it, not even from outer space.

Richard blinked, waiting for something to happen. For his clothes to change. For Genie to disappear. “Nothing happened. Why didn’t anything happen?”

“Something had to have happened. I used my magic.”

“Do you see any changes? That spell was a dud.”

“Are you accusing me of faulty magic?”

“Yeah, I am. Do you see anything that’s changed? No. Therefore, the spell didn’t work. Like, duh.” Richard mimicked her tone.

Genie stamped a foot. “How rude! I’m offended! I totally know what I’m doing! I’m very experienced at this!”

Richard crossed his arms. “And how many have wishes have you granted in the past?”

“That’s none of your business. I’m not telling you.” She stuck her tongue out.

“How many? If you’re so experienced, it must be a lot. Surely you kept track for bragging rights?”

“Maybe I’m not so egotistical as to brag about how many wishes I’ve granted. But I assure you it’s a whole lot! Like, way way more than Aladdin’s stupid genie!”

“If you’re so great, why didn’t your spell work? You must’ve done something wrong.”

“This is my first time, cut me some slack, damn it!”

“Hah! I knew it!”

“Oh, shut up, diaper butt!” Genie turned angrily and stomped up to the house. Richard defiantly sat in the car for a few minutes until he thought of all the carnage and chaos a strange girl in a harem costume introducing herself as “the diaper genie” would cause. She’d surely tell them all about his diaper! He leapt out of the car and tried to run after her but the ginormous diaper made him waddle. It was super duper crinkly, too. It was as noisy as it was big.

In his desperate waddle to get to the porch, Richard was distracted by the diaper’s padding. It was super thick and soft and felt, really, really good rubbing all over him. Like, faptastically good. Soooo good he wanted to stop in the middle of the sidewalk and fap away, right then and there in front of everyone. Screw logic, that diaper felt like SOO good. Thankfully, before Richard could even get the snaps on his pants undone, Genie grabbed his hand as the door opened and his grandma stood there.

“Why Genie! Hello there! So glad you could babysit and steal my grandson away from that harpy. Hi Dicky! Come to Grammie! Look at you, walking by yourself! Just like a big boy!” She squatted down and held her arms out to him like he was a baby.

Richard blinked and looked at Genie, who shrugged. “I guess my spell did something after all? I’m like your totally hot babysitter! And I guess they all think you’re a baby. Well, that is a solution that explains me being here.” She grinned, proud of herself.

Uh, just to be certain, CK: Did you intend for that entire post to be in bold?

Not really; I just copy and pasted from google docs. I can try to edit it. I didn’t even notice; just copy, pasted and posted.

If there’s not anything that should be bold, there’s strip formatting button on the advanced tool bar (click the underlined A above the text while editing). It’s the button with T and a tiny x on it.

Hehe, cute little Easter/April’s fools story.