From Babysitter to Babysitted ch.1

So this is my first attemt at writing a tb/dl story, and Ive never benn the greatest writer 0_o so dont be to harsh on me:D
I would love any suddgestions though!!!

Chapter 1

“Derek, Mrs. James wants to know if you would babysit Dylan and Ryan tonight”

“Sure mom thats fine”

I didnt have any plans anyways.
Oh im Derek by the way. Ill be 16 in a few months so im trying to earn all the money i can for a car, babysitting the 3 year old twins is benn a big money maker for me. Its a really easy job too all i gotta do is watch them and occasionally change a diaper or two, not really a big deal.
So i headed over the Mrs. James house.

“Thanks for coming on such short notice Derek, i just got called into the hospital and im gonna have to be there all night”

" Its no problem Mrs. J, I dont mind"

“Well theres some money for pizza on the counter, make sure the boys dont have too much, have a good night”

“Alright, you too”

After she left I went into the living room too say hello to the boys, who were both sitting there in their diapers and t-shirts watching some kid show on tv.

“Hi Derek!” the both exclaimed.

“Hey guys how are you both today?”
“Im good” Dylan replied.

“Are you gonna play with us tonight Deweck?”

“Yep Im spending the night buddy”

They both got excited and started talking a million miles an hour about what we were going to do tonight.
before I started anything though my stomach needed attention, so I picked up the phone and ordered a pizza. After that was taken care of I decided to check the little boys diapers. Ryan was clean nut Dylans diaper was badly soaked.

“Are you ever gonna get potty trained buddy?”

“Momma said soon I could were big boy pull ups!”

“Well thats exciting, how about we get you into a nice dry diaper for now though”

I took them to their room and began the diaper changing process. I never had to much of a problem changing wet diapers it was really easy. Poopy ones on the other hand were a little more difficult, but come on can you blame me? Soon enough i was all done and Dylan was back to running around with his brother.
The pizza came and i gave the boys some pizza I had cut up, while i went to work on the rest of it. After dinner I played with them a little bit then had to take them to the bath. After that was all over I chanded them into their bed time diapers and out them to sleep. I went into the living room turned on the tv and layed down on the couch.
The next thing I knew is it was morning and my pants felt all wet and itchy.
Shit not again.
For the past few weeks I had benn wetting the bed at least twice a week, and i guess last night was no exception. I still had plenty of time to clean up before Mrs. James got home.
I got up and took off my pants to go put them in the dryer, I’d was them when i had more time.
I went back to the living room to start cleaning the couch and Dylan was standing there looking at the mess i had made.

“Derek had a nighty accident” he asked me.

I lied and said that i just spilled some juice on me and the couch.
Of corse he belived me and to my embarassment he sudgested that i use a “sippy” cup. I just laughed at the thought and shook it off.
After an hour my pants were dry and the mess was cleaned up. With one last round of diaper changes Mrs. James was home. She thanked me and gave me my earning and I left for home.
Arriving at my house I told my mom that i had wet the bed. She seemed worried about it and decided that she was going to make a doctors appoinment for me.
I went upstairs to get in the shower and clean myself up. When i got out my mom told me that my appointment was going to be tomorrow after-noon. The rest of the day went pretty uneventful. Mrs. James asked me if I would babysit for her again the night after my appointment. I of corse accepted the job.
The next day my mom took me to the doctors office. I always hated goin there bacause for some reason doctors always made me nervous, plus the fact that I was almost 16 and my mom still felt it was nessary to take me to a pediatrician. Finally i was called into Dr. Combs office.
The room was very infantile, there were pictures of little bears all over the wall, the exam table was a pink and blue color and the side shelf was stocked with diapers, this was deffinatley not befitting of a 15 year old boy. I just tried to ignore it all.

“So what seems to be the problem Buddy?” the doctor asked me.
I looked down and in a very shy manner i told him about my bedtime “problem”. He told me to lay down so he could examin me. He went over everything and left the room. The doctor told my mom evrything seemed to be perfectly fine.

“It could be stress, mabey a lack of proper nitruents, many boys his age go through a bedwetting phase for one reason or another, its not anything to get to worried about.”

“Well what should I do to help him till this is all over?”

“Theres not much that can acctually be done, mabey have him drink less fluids at night and put a plastic sheet over his matress, alot of parents will actually buy goodnights for their kids”

“Like diapers?”

“They are more like pullups, but I personally dont recomend them they will leak really bad if more than one wetting happens.”

“Well then what would you recomend”

" We have a stock of youth diapers made by pampers, they are alot more absorbant and will last all the way through the night, plus if you buy them from us you insurance can cover the cost. The only downside to them is they are still very much like baby diapers, they have the cartoons across the front and im not sure how your son will react to them."

“Those will be fine doctor, Im sure that there wont be a problem.”

“Well then Ill add a case of 100 to your insurance bill”

He left the room and came back quickly with a big box. She thanid him and left the office after getting me. When I saw the box i didnt know what to think. I saw the side had Pampers Youth written on it, Pampers makes baby diapers and Im not a baby and I ceartainly dont need diapers! My mom told me to hush and we would discuss it later. we went out to dinner and when we got home my mom told me to go into my room. She came up a few minutes later with the box from earlier. When she opend it I couldnt belive what I saw. There were baby diapers complete with little lion king cartoon strips along the top. But these wernt just ordinary baby diapers, they were HUGE! Huge enough to fit me.

“Hun the doctor told me that until your wetting gets under control that you should wear these, and dont say anything about the look of them cause they were free”

I was stunned, I couldnt even think of anything to say.

“Mom please dont do this, Im a big kid, please!”

I was fighting to hold back tears and I was losing.

“Now dont you pout, im gonna leave the room and leave you to put this on” she handed me a diaper. "

“If your not sone in five minutes Ill come in here and do it for you.”

With that she left the room and i was left with the task of diapering myself. I decided that it would be alot better just to do it myself. I took off my clothes and layed the diaper out. I began to lift up the diaper ofer my crotch and tried doing the tapes, but it was alot harder than changing one of the twins diapers. After a couple minutes of struggling I finallly had the diaper on, sort of. My mom came in and was not to impressed on the job I did.

“All of those diapers you change and this is how you do your own? It is gonna leak all over the place. Plus you forgot baby powder sweety.”

She untaped the diaper and threw it away, I tried to cover myself.

“Your gonna have to move your hands baby or I wont be able to put a diaper on you”

She gave me a stern look and a swat on the but. I moved my hands and she pulled out another diaper. She layed it out under me and with the same care that I used to change the little boys diaper she used with me. she sprinkeld a genourous amount of powder and taped me shut. I probably smelled just like the twins now. I was so embarrased.

“Now go brush your teeth and get to sleep.”

I got up and put on my shirt back on and went to the bathroom. What I saw scared me. My reflection was staring back at me, but instaed of the handsome teenager looking back at me there was a oversized toddler in lion king pampers and a baby blue tshirt. i was just so stunned that I wanted to just sleep.

I woke up in the morning and knew three things.
My diaper was completley soaked.
I had 98 more diapers to wear. (and use)
I had to babysit that night aswell.

1 Like

From Babysitter to Babysitted ch.1

While I realize this is your first attempt, it is a poorly written story nevertheless. The spelling and grammar are terrible and there’s very little visual detail.

Here are a few suggestions:

  • Flesh Derek out as a character. All we know about him is that he’s 16, he babysits and he has accidents. That isn’t much to go on.
  • The title gives a lot away in terms of how we expect the story to develop. Don’t get too predictable.
  • Complicate things. A story that’s only about diapers is boring. Introduce some other source(s) of tension.
  • Improve the grammar and spelling. Learn when to end a sentence. Run spell check. When I say the spelling and grammar are terrible, I’m not talking about a mere misspelled word or misplaced comma here and there that can be overlooked. There are enough mistakes in here to make it appear that you don’t give a damn about what you’re writing. That is something we aren’t going to tolerate from any author.

Above all, don’t get discouraged. I have no reason to believe that you can’t improve, if you are willing to work at it.

Good start

Good start. However there are several spelling errors that a decent spell checker will catch. Also there are some grammar errors but as you said this is a first attempt and where it is decent in length some people will be put off by the spelling and grammar. Punctuation is another issue and it will get better with time. If you have Microsoft word I do suggest you use that as your writing template instead of word pad or notepad on the computer.

From Babysitter to Babysitted ch.1

Actually, there aren’t a lot of errors that a spell checker will catch, but switching p and o makes “put” “out.” Its a decent first attempt, just proofread your own work by reading it aloud to yourself.

1 Like

From Babysitter to Babysitted ch.1

Yeah, Vickie is right, I was just trying to point out that spell check won’t catch all the errors and shouldn’t be relied upon solely. That continuity break about the pants was also a good point.

From Babysitter to Babysitted ch.1

Spelling and grammar are really important- if you don’t get them right, then it looks like you don’t care about your work, and it’s discourteous to your readers to not make the effort.

Also, Penguinbob is wrong as there are quite a lot of errors a spellchecker would pick up:

attemt suddgestions thats didnt im benn dont corse goin nessary deffinatley mabey nitruents Theres matress alot recomend wont thanid ceartainly opend couldnt belive wernt genourous embarrased completley aswell

This list isn’t exhaustive, and some of them are very easy to fix: apostrophes have been missed out lots and lots of times in words like “don’t” and “I’m”. Some are typos, I’m sure, but a quick read through would get rid of those.

You could have the greatest plot and characterisation ever, but if the spelling is poor then readers like me will assume that most aspects of the writing will also be poor.

Another thing to consider: make people in positions of authority talk in the right way. This is something quite a few writers of abdl stories don’t get right. People like doctors and headteachers will tend to speak in a different way when in their authority role compared to other adults. I think a doctor is more likely to say “many parents” rather than “a lot of parents”. I am not sure about “they will leak really bad” (it should be “badly”) because it might be an accepted dialect form. I wouldn’t expect my doctors to use adjectives when they should be using adverbs, and I don’t think that American doctors are any less highly educated than British ones. Of course, doctors are scientists and not linguists, but scientists learn to be precise and careful with words and terminology.