For Your Eyes Only (Part 2)

Thanks for the feedback on part 1. As always feedback is appreciated.

Dear Diary,
Another first I guess. This morning was the first time I wrote in you during the day, and tonight will make the first time I’ve wrote in you twice in the same day. I’ve decided that writing in you is helping me figure stuff out. I still have no idea what any of my dreams mean, but at least when I write about it I can think rationally.
All day long my thoughts kept jumping back to my dream. Molly actually spent most of the day here, which was more than a little weird. I hope she didn’t notice that I was basically staring at her all day just trying to figure out what the dream meant. The only thing I know for sure is that I definitely would not want Molly to ever treat me as a baby or change my diaper or anything. It would be torture. Pretty much the only conclusion that I came to today is that I will never being telling anybody about these dreams. They’re too weird, and to anyone else they would make no sense at all. Yup, this one is going to stay between you and me.
So anyways, I think the real reason I’m writing in you is to say how much I love having you. I’d been holding these thoughts for a long time, but telling them to you has made me feel sort of free for some reason. Its kind of like you are a shrink for the mostly normal. So I guess thanks. I’ll write again soon.

Love,
Lauren

Dear Diary,
I said I’d write again soon, but I kind of failed to do that. I’ve been busy and its not really been interesting stuff…I had a tennis tournament, but mostly I’ve just been doing boring everyday stuff.
When I first got you, I was going to tell you literally everything that happened in my life. But I think that I was just lying to myself by saying that. Really, I wanted mostly to tell you about my dreams. I knew that I needed to put it out somewhere, and even though I wanted to believe I would tell you everything, I think deep down my goal was mostly just to talk about the weird side of me. After all, I can talk to other people about the normal things so there isn’t any reason for me to talk about it with you.
So I think that’s the plan. For the most part I’m going to talk to you about diapers. I’ll tell you about really important stuff because otherwise you wouldn’t know me anymore, and how can I tell my deepest secrets to someone who doesn’t even know me? I can;t promise how frequently I’ll write, although I doubt I’ll miss a week like I did this time. Well, except for right now. My family is going to Cape Cod for a week, which means that I won’t have you around. But when I get home hopefully I’ll have a little bit to tell you, even if its just some ideas I come up with. So I’ll write in a week I guess.

Love,
Lauren

Dear Diary,
You ever notice how when you can’t have something you start to want it a lot more? And when thinking of something is inconvenient you think about it a lot more? Well, all week long, I couldn’t write in you. Thinking about diapers was inconvenient. Guess what I did? So all and all I spent most of the vacation trying to figure out what was going on in my head. Not too relaxing. Oh well.
On the plus side, I have plenty of stuff to write. So much that, if I wrote it all, it would take me a lot of entries. So instead my plan is to tell you about two of my dreams because I thought they showed some of the big themes in my little relationship with diapers. So here goes.
The first dream was really somewhat standard for me. It was really simple. I was sitting at home in the living room, watching a TV show. Just like everyone else’s dreams, it made no sense because the show was a game show that only had people that I knew on it. So for a while the only thing in my dream was the weird TV. But then my mom walked in and asked me if I needed my diaper changed. Although the part of my brain that was just sort of watching the dream was confused since, until she asked, I had no idea that I was wearing a diaper, my dream self acted like it was the most natural question in the world for a mother to ask her 15 year old daughter. I just said yes. And, without another word being said, I followed my mom into my room. And again, just like it was a routine, she changed me into a fresh diaper. Unlike the dream with Molly, there was no embarrassment, no desire to wake up. I just felt secure, a sense that my mother was there for me whenever I needed it, no questions asked.
So the next day I felt pretty good about the whole diaper thing. Obviously this isn’t some bad, perverted thing, its just a great way for me to find security. Other people still have things that they loved when they were little like a blanket or something. So whats wrong if sometimes I just want my diapers. Its just a comfort thing. It all seemed to make sense when I looked at it that way.
But then the next dream came. But its really late and I haven’t slept in my own bed in a week. (You’re mot the only thing in my room I’ve missed). So I’ll tell you about that tomorrow.

Love,
Lauren.

Dear Diary,
So lets get right into it. The second important dream happened the very next night. Just as I was feeling good about my thoughts about diapers, I got this lovely present.
The dream started normal again. I was at a party with most of my friends. While I was talking to people, I started to notice that a lot of people were looking at me while they talked. At first I didn’t think much about it, but soon I noticed pointing and even laughter. I had to know what it was that was making everybody notice me. I went over to Molly and asked her what was so funny. As if it were the easiest answer in the world, she said “Probably because your diaper is so obvious.” I was stunned. Again, I didn’t even know I was wearing a diaper. I reached back to see if I was, unaware that the party had basically stopped to watch the scene unfold. As I reacted with horror to finding out that I was indeed wearing a very large diaper, everyone erupted in laughter. Unable to cope, I woke up in a cold sweat.
Again I had found a dream too embarrassing to let it continue. But again I hadn’t really dislike the dream. As unbearable as it was, it was sort of exciting. I can;t imagine I’d like it in real life, especially with all sorts of guys around, but for some reason the dream gave me that same feeling that comes with seeing a cute boy for the first time. Do I have a crush on diapers?
So the next day we went to the beach, but the water was pretty cold, so I spent the whole day tanning and trying to figure out just what my dreams really meant. Individually I could draw conclusions but together the only thing I knew was that neither was really right. And that’s what I decided. I don’t like diapers just because I get a nice secure feeling when I imagine wearing them. But also, I can’t say that the only reason I like diapers is because of the physical thrill I get from the thought. So I think that’s where I stand. Like how diapers are just a part of me, both of these types of things are just part of my attraction to diapers. When come up with new thoughts or dreams I’ll write again.

Love,
Lauren

Re: For Your Eyes Only (Part 2)

I do still think, however, that the journal entries are a little to piece-meal to form a coherent story.