Diapered Noir

Sorry for the short intro. Should have more up later.


Betty opened the door and the girls stepped onto the chessboard tile floor of the diner. She and Mary found a booth and took off their coats before sitting down, while Dory pulled out a nickel and stuck it in the jukebox to play, “Peg’O’My Heart.” After she sat down, a waitress skated over and took their drink orders.

“Quit being such a fuddy-duddy,” Dory told Betty, “You deserve to keep that job just as much as any man. How long you been at it? Three years now?”

Betty laughed, “Yeah, three years while our boys fought for us and defended us from him,”
“You can say his name, now, Betty,” Mary laughed, “Hitler is long gone.”

Dory kept it up, “And that doesn’t make it right, anyway,”

“I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long, to be honest. Most of the girls were already sent back home.”

“And how many of them are now part of the Tupperware family?”

“A few, I guess, but no matter, I’ve got enough to live for a while,”

“Till you get hitched, right?” Mary laughed.

“Wouldn’t that be lovely,” Betty said.

“You’ve always been khaki wacky, Betty,” Dory said, “Stand up for yourself some and you won’t need a man,”

Mary spoke up again, “Easy for you to say Dory, you got yourself a sugar daddy. Just 'cuz Bob is keeping you around doesn’t make it easy for the rest of us,”

The waitress came back and handed the girls their drinks and took their orders. They were about to go back to their conversation when the door open again and in walked a tall, thin man with a hat on. He had a newspaper in his hand and sat down on a stool instead of a booth and the girls heard him speak in a slight accent as he ordered a coffee. As he took his hat off, the girls saw he was bald.

They started speaking more quietly, “You think maybe he’s a spook?” asked Mary.

“Maybe, but why here?” Betty asked.

Dory laughed and said, “No way,”

“Did you see a ring?”

This time they all three laughed. Shortly their meal came out and they started to eat. They again quieted as they bit into the tender burgers and the talk became little more than chit-chat.

The waitress came back with the check and they each put down cash. As they put on their coats, the bald man threw change on the counter and started to walk out as well.

Mary noticed he left his newspaper and shouted to him, “Excuse me, sir, you forgot your daily,”

The man turned around and grinned, “Ain’t you a dish,” Mary blushed, as he said, “I’m through with it. Why don’t you take it?” And he slipped out.

Mary picked up the paper and brought it back to their booth. She perused it for a moment then handed it to Dory. Dory looked through it for a moment then said, “Look, here, here’s a way to make easy money.”

Mary and Betty peered over her and saw what she was pointing at: Beauty Pageant sponsored by the Diaper Institute of America.

“See, I’m not a total geezer,” Dory said, “Top 3 contestants each receive cash prizes. $1,000 dollars for first place,”

Mary and Betty both smiled, “Pennies from heaven,”

Re: Diapered Noir, ch. 2

Dory had a phone at her apartment, so the girls left the diner and headed downtown. Dory’s husband Bob wasn’t rich by any means, but certainly well off, and the apartment was spacious and comfortable. As soon as they got there, Dory made the call. Sure enough the ad was legit. The company was having a convention for its workers, and part of the festivities included a beauty pageant. Some higher-ups in the company would be the judges. It was free to enter, and the preliminary round was in about a week. They could sign up by coming by company headquarters.

“Easy money, what did I tell you,” Dory said.
Mary and Betty laughed and said, “You told us,”

Then Mary asked, “Did they say what the competitions would be? I may look like a doll, but I sure wouldn’t win any public speaking competitions,”

Dory explained, “They said all the information would be on the registration forms. I think mostly its about entertainment for the deliverymen,”

The girls all agreed to go, and planned to sign up the next day. They once again met at the diner before hand, this time only ordering a salad.

Betty was the most excited of all three, “I can’t believe we are doing this! I can’t imagine what I’d do with the money,”

“I know what you’d do,” Mary laughed, “You’d find yourself a man,”

“Ha ha,” Betty said, “Very fun. Besides, Mary, you’re the one who will get first prize.”

Dory grinned, then pointed, “Look it’s the bald man from yesterday,” Sure enough, the tall thin man once again came in and sat down at the same chair. He once again took off his hat and sat his newspaper beside him after ordering a coffee.

This time, though, he noticed the girls and turned around to face them, chuckling “Good afternoon. You’re all dreamboats, in case no has told you girls,”

Mary and Betty beamed, but Dory frowned, “And you’re a wolf, in case no one has told you. And you’re whistling Dixie if you think any of us are just up for grabs,”

The man seemed flustered and explained, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m William Fleischer,”

Dory took charge, “You bad business, Bill?”

“No, no, I’m sorry. I fled Germany after the war. My brother got in some trouble with the law. Well, I wasn’t gonna sing to any g-men, as you might put it, so when I saw them coming, I ran. I got my brother out of the big house, and got him over here. Now he has passed on, and the trail has gone cold, but if I ever go back well, I’m done for.”

“Why are you telling us all this?” Dory asked.

“Turns out my brother was a patsy all along. I was left with peanuts after getting him out of jail, but my cousins back home got a nice deal. They bought a few rocks and are trying to send them to me. But I can’t collect.”

Mary seemed excited, “Or they’ll send someone after you?”


Dory was calmer, “Don’t flip your wig, Mary, you haven’t answered, Mr. Fleischer, what we have to do with this,”

“True, true. My point, dolls, is this: I want one of you to collect for me,”

“And why would we do that?”

“I’ve heard diamonds are a girls best friend,” the man replied, “And I’ll give you a generous share,”

Betty was getting excited now to, but she wasn’t totally buying in, “I’m not a complete sap, Bill, so why us, and whats in it for you?”

“Once again my past is in my way. Your g-men are suspicious of anyone, especially people with my accent, carrying around diamonds. But beautiful women like you, well, no problem. No one would question a woman with a nice diamond. You give me the money you win from that pageant and I’ll give you the diamonds.”

Betty asked, “How’d you know about the – unless, you intentionally left the paper! You set us up!”

“You’re a thinker,” he said, “Yes, and I’m sorry about that. But if I had just asked you to enter, you’d have said I was bonkers,”

“You still might be.” Dory said.

“I’ll tell you what,” the man said, “I’ll be here tomorrow. If you girls want in, then be here at the same time. If not, good luck with the pageant. But just know, the award for the pageant is $1,000. But the diamonds I could give you are worth 5 or 10 times that.” And with that, he got up, folded up the paper and was gone.

The girls were astonished. They all started talking at once, then finally they let Dory take the lead.
“Well, are we really going to do this?”

Mary asked, “Can we trust him?”

Betty said, “But think of the money! I mean, I can live without my job for a while, but I’d be set for a year! Mary, we could go dancing every weekend,”

“What if we just told the police about him? We could get it all for ourselves, right?”

“I’m sure he’ll make sure we need him to get any money,”

“That’s true. So we are in?”

“Yes,” all three said in unison. Then Betty said, “Well we better go sign up for the pageant,”

They paid and headed out. The company headquarters was just down the street a few blocks, and they made their way quickly. Finally they stood in front of the doors of the building. Now they were committed, and so they stepped inside.

The receptionist greeted them politely, “Good afternoon. Welcome to DIA, how can I help you?”

Betty was the excited one now, and rushed to ask, “We wanted to sign up for the pageant.”

“Great, let me get you the registration forms,” the receptionist stood up and handed each of the girls a one page sheet, “It has all the information you need in it. By signing up you agree to compete in each of the categories and to have good sportsmanship during the competition.”

“What are the categories?” Dory asked, and the receptionist replied, “The preliminary round is an interview with each candidate and an initial run on the catwalk. The prize round will be another interview and then the official run on the catwalk.”

“Can you handle two interviews, Mary?”

“I guess, how many people will it be in front of?”

“We’re expecting a couple hundred or maybe more,”

“Yikes that’s scary,”

“But think of the money!”

“I know I know, I’ll manage, its just gonna be rough,”

The girls handed over the forms after filling them out and were given a time for their intitial interview. “You don’t need to get decked out for it,” the receptionist said, “But you should try and look spiffy,”
“Great, thanks so much!” Dory said.

“Oh wait, I almost forgot, there will be a dance after the pageant is over. Are you okay with staying for it?”


Re: Diapered Noir

Ch. 3

The girls once again grabbed their booths, waiting for the bald man. They were particularly giggly as he entered.

He wasted no time as he sat down beside Dory and said, “You in?”
The three nodded and he said, “Well then, I guess introductions are in order. You already know my story, but I don’t even know your names,”
“Maybe we want to keep it that way, Bill,” Dory said, but Mary blurted out, “I’m Mary, and this is Betty,” so Dory laughed and said, “And I’m Dory.”

William Fleischer looked them over. All three were pretty, even beautiful. Yes, they would have no problem winning, but he would still pay his bribe.

“Alright then. We’ll meet here after the pageant. I’ll give one diamond to whoever wins in return for the money. Then we will all go to the shop on Wabash. I’ll wait here in the car and give you some of the rest of the diamonds. You come back and I’ll give you your share. Then we’ll go to another shop and do the same thing, spread it out so we don’t call attention to ourselves. I know what the diamonds are worth so no funny business, you hear?”

Dory spoke again for all of them, “Fine. Sounds simple enough. We all get our shares and you get your money in a less noticeable form. We part ways,”

“Right, right, my dear,” Fleischer said, “Smooth as silk. Now I must be off. I’ll be waiting right here when the time is right though,” and without another word he picked up his hat and was out the door.

Betty couldn’t help herself, “I wonder how many diamonds there will be if we have to go to three different stores,”

Dory replied, “His plan seemed simple enough, but we could still take the diamonds, couldn’t we?”

“And hurt the poor man? He’s already in hard times,” Mary said, “Let’s just do this. We’ll get our due.”

“Agreed,” Betty said, but Dory wasn’t responding.



“Yeah, sorry, I’m just thinking,”

“About what?”

“About all that money,”

The girls giggled and said, “Yeah,” and sighed.

The day came for the girls to enter the contest and they were waiting in the reception room of the DIA company.

The receptionist from earlier called Betty in first and she walked into an auditorium and was told to stand on stage. Three men sat at a table in front of the stage.

First they told her to walk like a model, and another older lady showed her what they meant. Then they started asking her some questions, “Why do you want to enter this competition?”

She thought for a moment then said, “Well, I feel like I’m pretty enough to compete, but what caught my attention was the prize money. I’m about to lose my job so it would certainly be worthwhile,”

“And how do you feel about losing your job?”

“I’ve worked there three years, starting during the war. I never would have had it if not for the men going to fight, so I guess I’m okay with giving it back to them.”

“And how much do you know about the DIA?”

“Not much. But I have several friends who use your services. They seem to think the world of your workers, always polite and on time,”

They asked a few other questions but then said, “Thanks very much. If you will wait in the reception area for a little while,
we only have a few more people to interview before we make our decision. We can let you know then.”


She went back to the reception area and told Dory and Mary all about it. Mary went in next.

“I want to enter this competition because it sounds like fun, and I think it’s a great way to reward your workers,” she said.

They asked, “What will you do with the money if you win?”

“I’ve never been great with money, to be honest. I’ll probably find someone to help me use it wisely. I’d like to start a family, and that would maybe help me out. Maybe I can use it to buy your services.”

“Thanks very much,”

Dory went in next, “My husband Bob has always supported me so much, given me everything I needed. But when he went off to war, I had to prove I could take care of myself. So if I win this competition, I can show Bob how that.”

“So you want to show you can earn money on your own?”


“And how would you respond to those who say that the woman’s place is in the house, especially now that the war is over,”

“I think women should have just as much opportunity as men. We showed during the past four years what we could do and I think we should be able to keep that up. Some women might want a family and that’s okay, but if I can earn a living for myself and Bob keeps his old job, we will be very well off. Maybe one day having two incomes like that will be necessary. Right now I know it’s a luxury, but I want to live that way.”

“And if you ever have a kid?”

“I’ll be a great mother just like any other woman,”


The three girls waited for an answer.

Re: Diapered Noir

Coming back to this story hopefully after the holidays! Please comment to let me know what you think! If you don’t read and comment, I can’t get better!

Re: Diapered Noir

Ok I can get another part in before the holidays. Please, please let me know what you think! Its no fun writing to no comments!

Ch. 4

“Dory, Betty, Mary,” the receptionist called out and rattled off several other names, “Please come take a seat in the auditorium,”

The three looked at each other, not sure if this was a good sign or bad sign, but moved back into the auditorium and found seats together near the front.

It couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes, but it felt like an hour when a man stood in front on the stage and said, “Good evening, ladies, and thanks for you patience. I’m Dr. Smith and I’m the vice-president for fund-raising at the DIA. I won’t keep you in suspense any longer, those in this room made the cut. You’ll enter the next round of competition!”

Dr. Smith smiled as the women grinned and applauded and cheered. When the noise quieted down, he spoke again, “As you know, you will go through an interview and another catwalk. We have the outfits ready for you if you will just move to the table we have set up in front and tell our receptionist your size. Thank you very much. We look forward to the competition,”

The girls stood up and found a spot in line. As they got closer to the front, they found more girls walking away with odd looks on their face, and heard one say, “That’s a blow on my time.” Another said, “Whose brainchild was this? This is a gas.”

Mary said, “Should we chicken out? Whats going on?”

A girl who had just got to the front of the line said, “They want us to parade around in our unmentionables like some kind of share-croppers. It’s bonkers”

Dory laughed and then they were at the front. The receptionist asked, “Size?”

Mary said, “Small,” and the other two said, “Medium.” They were handed a set of clothes in folded cloth, and the receptionist said, “We recommend you try them on before the competition in case we need to get you another size. Show up dressed an hour before the competiton and we will place you in line. Next!”

They stepped aside and unfolded the outfit.

“It’s a diaper!” Betty exclaimed.

“The nerve!” Dory laughed, “Even megabucks aren’t worth this,”

Mary was quiet though, then said, “Come on, think of the diamonds. Besides, it’s a diaper company right? It makes sense I guess,”

“I don’t know,” Dory said, “It would take a lot of moolah for me to wear this, and in public!”

Betty said, “Come on, Dory, someone will get a kick out it,”

“Yeah, jerks thinking only about their johnsons.”

“So you’re not doing it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Let’s just go back to your place and try them on, if you don’t like it, you can back out. Besides, I bet what you’re really scared of is being proven a dead hoofer,”

“No way, that’s cock-eyed. We can try them on at least.”

The girls were blushing as they changed into the diapers, having to help each other pin them on and work the bras they had been given made out of the same material.

Dory didn’t look happy, but as she thought about it, she realized she could deal with it for the payoff.

Mary just giggled, “I look kinda cute, don’t you think?”

And Betty had to admit, they were kinda comfortable. “So we’re seeing this through?”

Dory nodded, “We’ll see who gets to be the Diaper Queen!”

They laughed, changed, and then set out for the diner to meet with Bill to make their last plans.

Re: Diapered Noir

“this is a gas” should maybe have an exclamation point given the context ???

please continue. i am enjoying this a lot!!

Re: Diapered Noir


Thanks for the reply, I really do appreciate it. If I had thought about it I probably would have included the exclamation point, but I got caught up in using the lingo.

I did have a teacher once who said, “You only get three exclamation points in your whole writing career, so make sure when you want to use one its worth it.” By this standard, I still wouldn’t put an exclamation point in, especially since I was trying to express frustation as a negative. But I do need to pay better attention to my punctuation. Thanks!

Re: Diapered Noir

i reread it. i missed that the second overheard response was a frustrated one too. in that context i can equate “This is a gas” to when my Girlfriend says “you’re so funny” ::slight_smile: when i correct her when she uses “it’s coo” instead of cool. i guess i have a hard time hearing Noir Lingo as sarcastic in my head, dispite the fact that Noir/Hardboiled banter is one of the genres of literature were Sarcasm isn’t necessarily a sign or narcissism.

Re: Diapered Noir

The day of the pageant had arrived. The girls had already met with Bill. They had already gone through their official interviews. And now they sat backstage in their diapers, waiting for their turn to go down the catwalk.

Some of the girls there seemed so competitive; they wouldn’t talk to anyone else. Others were laughing and carrying about. Mary was just enjoying herself, Betty was nervous and Dory was still trying to get over the fact that she in a diaper.

They heard the music start and finally it was time. Dory went first. They could hear the men in the audience ooh and aahing over her, whisting, and Mary whispered, “Bet she’s glaring at them. That won’t win her any points.” Betty laughed a little too loud and got a glare from one of the assistants leading them.

Soon enough it was Mary’s turn. She strutted down the aisle and smiled as everyone oohed and aahed at her too. When she got to the front of the walk, she suddenly had an idea. She popped her thumb in her mouth and started sucking for just one second. The men roared with laughter. She pulled her thumb out and then turned around and finished the walk.

One of the competitive girls turned to her as soon as she was behind the stage, “What was that, hun? You’re nothing but a call-girl and you got bupkis.”

Mary was shocked and started to cry. Dory and Betty came over but the girl kept at it, “You’re probably a dike, fruity fat-head,”

Betty got announced just as she was about to defend Mary, but Dory said, “I’ll handle this, go on,”

So Betty stepped out onto the catwalk and now was more worried about Mary than anything else. She moved, too quickly she thought, down the aisle and turned around, and had to restrain herself not to run back. The second she got to the curtain, she tried to find Mary. But Mary, Dory and the girl were nowhere to be found.

She kept looking for almost ten minutes before she gave up. Sitting down with the rest of the girls, she sighed.

But then she noticed Bill. “What are you doing here?” she asked. Bill was wearing a full fledged suit and tie, and he explained to her, loud enough for everyone to hear and loud enough for her to realize he was lying, “I’m a reporter for the Chicago Tribune. I heard about the convention and wanted to come see what the pageant was all about. I saw a doll of a girl getting picked on so I informed the assistants who disqualified the bully. The other two girls are in the bathroom helping the doll dry her eyes.”

Sure enough, Dory and Mary came back smiling. The girls sat back down and waited until the music ended. Finally, the assistant came back out and told everyone, “If you could please make your way to the ballroom, the dance will begin and we will announce the winners.”

The men were all dressed in suits, and the three girls felt self conscious. All they had on was their diaper and a cloth bra to match. But the men seemed to be enjoying themselves, and one good looking man went straight up to Mary and asked for a dance.

After a few songs, Dr. Smith stepped forward, “If I could have everyone’s attention for a moment,” he paused, and let the roar die down, “I am pleased to announce we have our winners!”

A hush fell over the crowd and he said, “Now that’s more like it,” as the crowd laughed, “Our third place winner and receiver of a $10 dollar certificate to Artisan’s Grill… is Dory Fletcher!”

Dory was obviously surprised but grinned from ear to ear and stepped forward to take the award.

“Our second place winner and receiver of a $25 dollar certificate to Artisan’s Grill… is Mary Cumblidge!”

Mary laughed and grinned as she accepted it and on her way back the good looking man gave her a big kiss on cheek, twirled her around, kissed her on her lips and dipped her into the kiss. Everyone around laughed and applauded.

“And, the moment you’ve all been waiting on, our grand champion, the Diaper Queen and winner of $1,000 dollars is…” the band started a drumroll, Betty Barrett!"

Betty gasped and Dory and Mary both cheered and pushed her forward to accept. Then all three were asked to stand on a podium for a picture. Sure enough, it was Bill who came forward to take it. Betty handed the check back to Dr. Smith and stepped up. After Bill took a few shots of all three of them, including one which looked like Mary and Dory were diapering Betty, he said, “Okay, now, let’s get one with Betty holding the check.”

Dory and Mary both stepped down and Dr. Smith handed the check to Betty as the band started up again.

The good looking man stepped forward and again asked Mary to dance and she was wisked away.

After a few pictures of Betty with the check, Bill took it and said, “Now, go dance for a little while and then we will be off to see the wizard.”

Betty grinned, “The wizard of diamonds?” And went off to join Dory.

The dance had gone on about an hour when Mary came over and whispered to Betty, “He wants my number! I think we’re going to start going steady!”
Betty hugged Mary and said, “That’s so great.”

But it was then that Dory came over and asked, “Have you guys seen Bill?”

“No why?”

“Look,” she said and they all turned to see him walking toward them, “You ready?”

“Do we have to go now? We’re having so much fun?”

“Yes, I think we do,”

“Fine, but can we change first?”

“No time. See that guy over there? I think he’s undercover. He’s onto me and if we don’t go now, we won’t get a chance.”

So Mary went back to her guy and gave him a kiss and the three followed Bill out to his car. But at his car, instead of finding seats available for all three of them, they found one taken. It was the bully!

“What are you doing here?” Mary demanded.

The girl laughed and said, “My, my, dike has a temper now. Did you really think you girls could win fair and square?”

Bill nodded, “Tell 'em, Nancy,”

“A while back, Bill came to me and bribed me to help him out. For diamonds, he said. All I had to do was enter this contest, scream and go nuts at you three, getting myself disqualified and getting you three to seem like the golden picks!”

Dory was the fastest to piece it together, “So, you never had any intention of giving us any diamonds.”

Bill nodded, “You got it doll-face. Why give away three portions when I can give away 1?” He kissed Nancy on lips and said, “Gotta love this one, huh?”

Nancy laughed, “Sorry, Bill, your gonna need to love another,” and pulled out a gun, “Hand me the check.”

Bill laughed and said, “Touche. But I think not.”

Nancy fired at Bill’s feet and said, “I won’t miss again.”

With the shot fired they could hear police starting to head their way.
“Go ahead. By the time you shoot me and get the check the cops will be here.”

“And you’ll be dead,”

“I’m a dead man walking either way without that money.”

Nancy put the gun down, “No funny business, then, okay? Get in the car and drive?”

Bill hopped in and said, “No hard feelings, of course, and congratulations Betty on your win.”

And then they were off.

“What now?” asked Dory.

Mary blushed, “Um, first I think I need to change.” Sure enough, the other two girls saw that she had wet the diaper when the gun had fired. They didn’t know what to say so Dory asked, “I mean about the money?”

“Oh don’t worry about that,” Betty said and pulled out the check, “I thought Bill might go behind our backs, so I wrote a nickel check. He and Nancy will have a hard time explaining how a nickel is worth a diamond.”

The next day the girls all met up at Artisan’s Grill, their favorite diner. They were laughing and carrying on when in walked Bill, with a sad look on his face.

“Well played, girls, well played,” he said as he took his seat on his stool.

Betty had a sudden peak of curiousity. “What about Nancy?” she asked.

“Nancy gave up when she saw the nickel check. She about killed me but she quit. And now I just wait for my time to be up. You dolls put me in a bad place.”

“You went behind our backs,”

Bill walked over to them and pulled out a diamond from his pocket, “Are you sure? Deals still good, but you gotta take it now,”

“Give us a minute,”

He moved back to the stool and sipped his coffee.

“I don’t trust him,”
“Neither do I,”
“But diamonds. That one alone is worth the $1,000,”

“Okay,” they said, turning around, “We’re in,”

But Bill was gone. In his place they saw a cop. He had vanished into thin air.

They girls laughed and finished their meal, “I’ll pay guys, save your certificates,” Betty said. But as she pulled out her wallet, she found it wasn’t there. “Um, guys,”

Just then a woman walked out of the bathroom, the policeman said, “You done it Nancy?”
“I done it, Joe,” said the woman and gave the cop a big long kiss, “Let’s go,”

The two walked out holding hands, and just as they walked out the door, Nancy turned around and grinned at the girls.

Now, noirs don’t normally have happy endings, but I am pleased to tell you Mary and her man got married. Dory found out Bob kind of liked her in the diaper and while she still tried to be independent, the two found a new happiness in their marriage. And Betty, Betty the diaper queen, while she didn’t have $1,000 dollars, sat quietly at home, reading her book and sipping her tea, and wearing her crown, but not around her head.