Hey there fellow fanatics and fantasizers! I’m new here and thought about testing my writing capabilities. My computer is busted so this is iPod writing. Please be brutal you guys I’m looking for the meanest most helpful critics I can find, even if all you have to say is “never write another story again” I’m cool with that. With all that said let’s go headin’ out to the highway! . . Courtney wasn’t exactly an average girl. She had black hair that fell past her shoulders, grey eyes, and a fairly large pair of breasts for a sixteen year old. With her looks she could have easily climbed the social ladder. That just wasn’t courtney though she was a near gothic, heavy metal loving, rebellious teenager. She spent most of her time in her room listening to bands like Judas Priest, Iron Maiden and Motorhead. Her other time consuming activity was arguing with her mother. Her mother was the pushy, outgoing, ex-cheerleader type. As you can guess these personality types clashed on a biblical level. Courtney and her mother’s arguments usually began with Mary (Courtney’s mother) pressuring her daughter to join a sport or club while Courtney refused (because extra curriculars are lame!). This generally ended with Courtney being grounded which generally affected her minimally because she had like four friends she hung out with at school only. Mary had been grounding Courtney much more often lately hoping to prevent her from doing something other than stay in her room. This has done absolutely nothing so Mary begins to lose hope until one faithful day… . As Courtney waited at the bus stop trying her best to ignore the chatter of the so called “popular girls” at her school she reached into her backpack to grab the mountain dew that was almost always present. She took a long satisfying gulp and saw the bus approach. She boarded what might as well have been a prison transit and took a seat next to one of the few people she might call a friend, Damien. Damien was a tall guy with blonde hair with jagged banes. He was often described as lanky and going through an “akward phase”. “Hey sunshine” he said, Courtney merely glared at him with her peircing eyes and replied “hello Damien”. Anyone not familiar with their group might have described her greeting as venemous but was actually as close as she dare come to friendly. Their conversation consisted mostly of which of their classmates most deserved to be swallowed whole by some demonic entity. While they enjoyed this topic as much as any other outer circle student would it ended when one of the most horrible institutions ever concieved came into view, Secret Haven High School. . After Courtney and Damien parted ways, Courtney proceeded to the one class she tolerated because it allowed her to express her more personal feelings, Poetry. Even though poetry was Courtney’s favorite class the teacher, Mrs. Shemlen was perhaps the most annoyingly happy person on the planet. Right as Courtney walked into the classroom she was assaulted with a high pitched almost sarcastically up beat “good morning Courtney!”. Courtney responded with a less than enthusiastic "mornin’ “. Courtney attempted to reach her desk when she was confronted by Ashley Larkin. Ashley was easily one of the most popular girls in the eleventh grade, she wasn’t nearly as beautiful as Courtney which everyone knew. That was probabally why Ashley tried to befriend her as adamantly as she did. Courtney assumed that as soon as she gave Ashley any sign of friendship she would immediatley be talked into a bad haircut or something of the like. So Courtney did her best to weave around Ashley to her desk which for once actually worked. Once she reached her desk Courtney took out her notebook and began to write a poem she cleverly titled " A Darker Time.”
Re: Darker Times chapter 1
Holy mother of god no idea it would oat that weird I apologize immiediatly!
Re: Darker Times chapter 1
I’m thinking I wait until I get my comp fixed to post more but I still want comments on what I have so far
Re: Darker Times chapter 1
Why? There is nothing there but three paragraphs. Nothing distinguishes her from any other character except she had four friends, big boobs, and liked to write poetry. There was no dialogue in the interaction and you just narrated everything. That doesn’t show me the story.
Re: Darker Times chapter 1
This was a good outline for the start of a story. I would like to read more before passing judgement. Please keep trying.
Re: Darker Times chapter 1
Longer chapters, lots of dialouge, and more character description. Very good advice and I really didn’t want to go too far into it because I’m still wondering how I want it to turn out. Though like I said gonna wait for computer to be fixed so I can review before I post.
Re: Darker Times chapter 1
Yeah, I did that on Life and Death Choices and it took me over a year to finish it. You will notice at least halfway through that Lia disappears entirely from the story. It took me quite awhile to figure out where the story was going until I decided to follow up on the terrorist. He dominated the rest of the story.
Unplanned stories are fine, but you do need to decide what is happening eventually. A beginner probably should at the very least know how the story ends and take steps to get there.
Re: Darker Times chapter 1
You are like so right that it freaking hurts and I shame myself on being so predictable. I don’t want to make it all generic and all but I’m conflicted at how I’ll be original. On another note I am a big fan of your work and am glad to see your advice