Disclaimer and all that grown up nonsense: I do not own the CareBears nor would I care to, although they do look snuggly cuddly, and fun to sleepys with. This is yet another product of baby’s fevered imagination, and does not in any way condone or condemn the use of the words “caring is sharing”. However let this be a warning that those who underestimate the power of cuteness are potentially doomed to a horrible furry fate! bl
Once upon a time, not your time , not my time, but a time, there was a baby type person named CutiePie. Cutie was of course being a baby dressed as such. He had a full layette of pastel colored outfits all involving snaps to some extent, and a whole stack of boxes and boxes of his favorite diapers. He preferred his under-fashions to be disposable, so thats what these were, the crinkliest and the thickest, to show off his baby bottom the bestest. He also had a huge nursery stocked with toys, and a crib and of course a changing table, as they have yet to design babies who are leak-proof.
Cutie also had a high chair and other kitchen accessories, and not to leave Her out a Mommy to use these and more accessories to care for her little one. He also had a best stuffy friend , a white tiger named Melanie. She was a Mommy Tiger and it was believed could sometimes come to life when Cutie was in trouble and whip anyones butt who messed with Cutie. The same went for him with Mel, as one time he actually flamed the aggressor, a giant 50 foot tall Elmo on the planet Tick-kel-me. The vicious monster tried to barbeque his Tiger Mommy. But he did the barbecuing. He made it out of there alive obviously, but it was a near thing, had it not been for the Imperial air-strike.
Today Cutie was sitting at the kitchen table waiting for yum-yums to be served, when he and Mommy suddenly heard a noise outside coming from the patio. His Mommy went out to see and poof disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke. Well CutiePie couldn’t just abandon Mommy to fate so he made his way out of the high chair(of course babies have escape techniques to envy any ninja warrior) and crawled over to the patio sliding door. Where his Mommy once stood there now was a small pastel pink box, with the words “For CutiePie:Open Immediately”.
Well Cutie,baby though he was also could think practically. “If Mommy vanished and the box appeared, maybe if i open the box Mommy will reappear, or I will be taken where Mommy is”. So he opened it. Inside was a small aquamarine colored teddy bear like entity, apparently sleeping. He poked at it and the being sprung to life, wearing just a cloth diapey tied around its waist. It also had a name tag, Hugs it said. He picked it up and the entity came to life. It clung to Cutie like there was no tomorrow, and said in a clear English voice. “I implore you good sir, please hide me” . Now Cutie, being a baby of not even a year, couldnt exactly communicate in such a precise manner, but he could still understand the creature’s utterances.
The creature went on that he stowed away in this box that was inadvertently dropped when CutiePie’s Mommy was taken by the abductors. He escaped from the laboratory these creatures apparently ran, and said he was through with all of the “caring is sharing” propaganda. As it was he was now “hunted down as a traitor”, the bear said. He was branded a dissident by the other “Care Bears” he called them, and apparently based on the description they were anything but.
The tiny aquamarine teddy told a tale of apparent oppression and subjugation at the hands of these hideous CareBears. The “caring is sharing” party line for them was in fact a very thinly disguised dictatorship devised by the so called Love-a-Lot Bear. Love-a-Lot, as Hugs said did indeed on the surface love, but his love almost amounted to greed. The more of his kind he could bring under his paw, the more power he would gain, and the more territory of Care-a-Lot he would conquer. Those who resisted were sent to special Care Scare facilities and forced to endure endless brainwashing, and not just bears no. Lions, and even tigers. Why Hugs said he once even saw a skunk in there once , and they named these brainwashed souls the “CareBear Cousins”. The main body of CareBears did’nt need brainwashing however as they were fanatically loyal to Care-a-Lot and its doctrines. They wore for a uniform their combat specialty on their chest. Lucky for instance had a green shamrock emblem that shot a shamrock shaped laser at his foes. Grumpy a raincloud, Funshine a solar flare that rivaled even the sun itself, and Cheer Bear their minister of propaganda, whose cheerful smiley face beam would render any enemy a drooling pile of goo babbling happily like an idiot.
Cutie did ask Hugs by cooing at him what they wanted with Mommy. Hugs could only shrug and say "it isnt the Mommy you speak of they want, but Your tiger. They want to lure you to Mommy since they know you carry your Melanie with You all the time. “Oh for cryin” thought cutie Melanie again? “Does the universe just have it in for white stuffed tigers?”
Hugs just shrugged, and said "i know not of the universe’s designs, but i do know that Melanie is in danger of being brainwashed to be a “Cousin” should she be captured. And if she is, all hope of further resistance by any non CB stuffy is lost. She has been chosen as the savior of the stuffy world you see, but so indeed to the CareBears, and will stop at nothing to win her over to their side. Cutie cooed which meant "That settles it, we have to free Mommy and take out Care-a-Lot, Lets show these “CareBears” just what cuteness is really capable of. Now umm how we get there he wondered?
Hugs said, well the power of a wish is all you need i think Master Cutiepie. Wish to be with your Mommy or where she is , and our foot is in the door i believe. Cutie wished and the world became swimmy, like being under water at the water babies class. He watched it slowly ease back into focus and beheld the bright colored wonder that was Care-a-Lot for the first time.
Cutie glanced ahead of him. There was a huge pastel pink and blue colored castle, with bright banners flapping in the breeze, and what appeared to be sentries posted at the west and east towers. The grass around the castle and in the meadow was just as bright a green as Cutie could ever remember seeing, and he almost had to shield his eyes from its brightness. The drawbridge suddenly opened and out marched a column of what looked like the CareBears Hugs had described. On the surface they did appear almost cute, but this was apparently a smokescreen to their true dominating, conquering natures. As evidenced by an apparent protestor of their marching.
The would be aggressor was a rather agitated chipmunk who since he was busy recording with his fellows , was quite annoyed that the CareBears saw fit to tramp over their burrow and interfere with something called “acoustics”, cutie could hear. The chipmunk who was simply called Alvin when asked his name, simply requested that the CareBears go march somewhere else , “where someone cared for them to march” he said.
The lead carebear, who appeared to have one of the shiny emblems on his chest, a sunshine symbol, stuck his chest out at the chipmunk, as if showing off his muscles. The next thing cutie saw, a ray of yellow gold light shot out of his chest and the chipmunk became a smoking chipmunk shaped skeleton, his brothers Simon and Theodore mourning his passing with a high pitched version of “Amazing Grace”.
This settled it CutiePie thought. This place was truly evil, disguised as cuteness, and that made it double evil, almost like a castor oil laced bottle of prune juice. Speaking of,Cutie did need to change his diapey, but Mommy was likely in that castle. Itd have to wait he decided, besides , maybe the smell can prove to be a good deterrent from bein “care-zapped”. Hugs agreed with this plan, but also cautioned to avoid the “CareBear stare”, as that would sap the life out of you as much as their chest weapons. Cutie thought and cooed bwing it, and crawled over to the castle, avoiding the marching squad of CareBears.
Cutie made it up to the drawbridge and the sentry nearby, a lion by the look of him. He was smiling and yawned a little. Must be close to changing of the guard, cutie thought and naptimes. Indeed it was so, as the skunk mentioned earlier relieved the sentry and took up the position, smiling also. To think such a smiling army could be so deadly reflected Cutie, but will deal with that mind messing later, right now need to get Mommy asap. He made his way up to the guard and cooed at him. The skunk looked down and said “well hello there lil fella, what can i do ya for”. Cutie was for a moment taken aback by the guard’s niceness and almost was under his hypnotic spell. “The careBear stare” he thought and shook it off.
The skunk seemed to notice this and repeated his inquiry this time a bit more forceful "you’ll have to speak up lil one, i said what can i help …you…with. Cutie met him with an even gaze but did not falter as this was perhaps what the skunk was expecting. He then started to bring his chest out but just at that moment, Cutie reached into his diaper bag and since he wished for it silently brought out a Mac10. He proceeded to spray the skunk with high velocity ammo and brought him down , bleeding apparently green blood. Weird Cutie thought but then in my 1 year ive seen some weird stuff, and no doubt this Care-a-Lot ranks high on that scale.
He then went down to the dungeons and found of all peoples Mommy after all. She was almost about to be Care-i-fied but then Cutie freed her, and got her out of the castle, after of course having planted several charges of C4 in the walls. The place went up in a cloud of pink dust and fire and Love-a-Lot’s reign of loveless terror came to a crashing end. The CareBear Cousins reverted to their original stuffy forms and Melanie never got touched, in fact. Cutie then wished him and Mommy home, and with his new collection of stuffies from “an unverified source” they lived happily ever after.