Chris and Chrissie 5 6 and 7

I have returned. Been awhile huh? Well I give you three chapters. As usual I want critique so that I can improve it. Well here you are. Hope you all like it.

Chris and Chrissie
Chapter 5: School

Chris woke up. She took off the earphones that where placed on her in her sleep. She was happy to wake up dry. A sign Chrissie is completely suppressed. I can go on without worrying. Chris thought to herself. Chris got dressed to ready herself for school. She made her way to the kitchen to pour herself some cereal. Arley came in. “How’s my girl today.”

“Ready for school.” She answered. “Don’t have work today?”

“They can’t overwork me forever. I need the break. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Well then maybe you haven’t.”

“I’ll need to fix that.”

Lass walked in. “Ready to go Chris?” Chris nodded. They jumped in the car and drove off.

They drove into Gallan Elementary. Lass is a kindergarten teacher while Chris is in sixth grade. Chris stood before the class. Being the new kid she is automatically ostracized and left alone. She liked that. She scanned the room. She saw the fix girl from the other day. There eyes met.

Ellan stared at her. She sat transfixed in Chris’s cold stare. She looked just like that when she threatened me! Ellan turned to Pip Jr. who never saw this side of Chris. However he was sleeping. Apparently he didn’t get enough sleep.

The teacher finished introducing her to the class and told her to sit next to Ellan. I have to sit next to her! Chris thought as she sat down.

Lunch rolled around and Ellan got together with the rest of the cul-de-sac crew. “Maky is right When I came to talk to her she…she…” She didn’t know what to say. Maky is all too happy to hear her agree with him since she is the ‘voice of reason’ of the group.

“Just ignore her.” Pep Jr. said as he dug into his onion sandwich.

“But…she just seems so lonely.” Ellan remarked. Not sure on what to say.

“You heard P.J! Just ignore her.” Maky exclaimed with Chu nodding furiously.

“Don’t call me P.J.” Pip Jr. demanded.

Chrissie lay on the other side of the field reviewing the table. She repeated to herself over and over again the numbers before her. No one talked to her, no one bothered with her, and perhaps they didn’t even notice her. But she liked it this way. A ball hit her. Tap came running up.

“Ugh…can I have my ball back…” Tap asked meekly. Chris starred at the red ball. If she gives it to him he would get the impression she’s nice. She kicked the ball far away. Tap stared. He started to cry. That was Kit’s ball! He was about to cry.

“Tap! Did you get my ball?” Kits yelled as she came up to him. Tap just stared at Chris. “You…”

“She kicked your ball.” Tap said.

“What!?” Kit’s exclaimed. “You!” She pointed at Chris. “Go and get it!” Kit’s ordered. A very daring move considering Chris is three years older. Chris just ignored the girl. “Well!” Kits yelled.

“No.” Chris said.

Kits was furious. She’s such a baby. That’s it! She thought smiling mischievously. “Fine then. I’ll just tell everyone you wet yourself.”

Chris’s ears perked up. She wouldn’t dare! Chris’s persona is based on fear. If everyone is afraid of her then she is left alone. If this gets out then she won’t be left alone…at least not of the idiotic laughs. “No one would believe you!” She yelled.

“I think they will!” Kits retorted. “Or you could go get my ball.” Chris swallowed her pride and ran for the ball. She returned. “Thanks, baby.” Kits said as she grabbed Tap and ran giggling.

“I hate her.” Chris said aloud.

Kits ran back to the rest of the cul-de-crew. “Guess who I saw!” She asked jittery. No one bothered. “Chris!” Everyone was all ears now. “She kicked my ball and then got it back after I threatened to out her secret.” Maky, Chu, and Pep Jr. started laughing uncontrollably. Ellan knew it was mean.

She really wanted to try and befriend Chris since before Chris came she was the new girl. She felt lucky to find all of these guys so fast. I’m sure I can do something. She thought.

After school Chris stood waiting for her mom to finish up. She was told it would be another half an hour. Ellan stood behind the corner staring. Now’s my chance! She though.

“You’re such a busybody.” Pep Jr. snuck up on her frightening her.

“Well don’t you think it’s mean to be so lonely to her? Just cause she’s a little…well…”

“You want to hang out with a baby?” Pep Jr. asked.

“No, I want to hang out with a new friend. C’mon Pep!” Ellan grabbed Pep’s hand and marched up to Chris.

Chris stared at the two. Do they both want to mess with me! Why won’t anyone just leave me alone? She thought.

The two stared at her, and Ellan bowed, forcing Pep Jr. down too. “We’re sorry.” She said, forcing down Pep’s head.

Chris stared. Anger flowed into her. “Go away! I don’t want to ever see you!” Chris yelled.

“But-” Ellan started.

“Go!”

Ellan gave up. Is what we did so mean. She asked herself as she turned.

Chris stared at them. I want friends! The thought broke into Chris’s mind. This one thought seemed like it was trying to consume her. I DON’T WANT FRIENDS! I DO WANT FRIENDS! Chris closed her eyes.

Ellan wasn’t more then three steps away when she fell over. On her back was Chris who was in tears. No, something wasn’t right. This Chris isn’t the same Chris she talked to less then a minute ago. This was the Chris she first met the other day. All that came from her mouth was the barely audible phrase “I want friends.”

Minutes later Chrissie had calmed down. “There are two mes,” She started. “One me is this me, and the other me is Chris. This me is Chrissie. Chrissie want’s friends. Chris doesn’t. Chrissie is a dumb baby. Chris is smart and athletic and bookish and…”

“Hold on, what do you mean there are to yous?” Pep Jr. asked.

“I have two mes in this body.” Pep Jr. and Ellan didn’t quite understand. However Pep Jr. came up with a perfect metaphor.

“So you’re Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!” He said. “Or Dr. Chrissie and Mr. Chris.” Ellan chuckled at the notion while Chrissie didn’t get it. “Dr. Jekyll was this smart friendly guy, but he drank this potion and then he turned into a monster called Mr. Hyde!” Chrissie found the idea of thinking of Chris as a monster humorous.

Lass came out and was surprised to see the sight. Chris being friendly. “Are you my Chris?” She asked jokingly.

“Chrissie mommy.” Was the reply.

“Chrissie! But! When!”

“A minute ago.” Lass was relieved.

Chrissie, Ellan, and Pep Jr. were all driven home by there parents. On the way there Chrissie wet herself in the car. “These are Chris’s favorite pants.” She berated herself.

Lass just said they can be cleaned. “What Chris doesn’t know can’t hurt her.”

At home Chrissie donned her favorite article of clothing, a diaper. Once again she had reduced herself to a baby. Why do I like this so much? She thought to herself. She sat and let the feeling envelop her. Why am I so okay with this? She thought. She wondered as she crawled over to her doll house and pretended the decepticons were attacking it. She didn’t notice the two people behind her.

“Hi Chrissie.” Ellan greeted. Chrissies turned around. Wearing nothing but a diaper and shirt. “It’s okay. We don’t mind. Right Pep.” Pep nodded.

“I suppose it makes her look cute. An innocent kind of look.” He said with no shame. Ellan stared at the phrase while Chrissie blushed.

Chris and Chrissie
Chapter 6: Dreams and supersoakers

Chris never became aware of the secret friendship. Chrissie knew Chris would try to sabotage it saying it was for there own good. Ellan and Pep Jr. explained the situation to the rest of the cul-de-crew. Tap accepted Chrissie, and Kits followed with him. Macky continues to make fun of her and call her a baby while Chu stands next to him and laugh, but Chrissie had friends now. During school they just avoid Chris. Why Chris refuses to accept friends they are unsure, but it’s not smart to poke a sleeping bear. Now it is the weekend.

Chrissie’s dreaming. She looked at a younger version of herself. In front of her, sitting in an old green chair, sat an old lady. The old lady wore grey hair with cobwebs in it and an ugly dress. Her mouth moved, but no sound escaped her as the lips spat silent worlds at the young girl. The younger girl though heard the words. She started shivering and soon collapsed crying. Chrissie woke up in a panic. Why was that dream so scary? She asked herself.

Chrissie made her way to the kitchen. Arley was cooking to give Lass a break. He looked at the girl. “What are you doing up this early Chrissie?” He asked knowing Chris would never allow people to see her in a diaper, let alone a wet one.

“I had this weird dream. It didn’t seem scary, but it was.” She responded.

“Well thanks to the dream you can have a good breakfast. Fresh cooked sausage!”

“…May I have some of…that…” She asked for catnip.

“Fine.” Arley sighed. He didn’t want to make her sad, but it felt shameful to him. He handed her sausage and nip.

After breakfast, Chrissie sat wondering about the strange dream. What did the woman say? Why did the younger girl cry? What was that place? Why was it scary? All she drew was a zero. Her thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell.

Pep Jr. rang the doorbell. Arley answered the door. “Is Chrissie up? Not Chris.” He asked.

“Chrissie, it’s for you.” Arley got Chrissie to the door.

“What’s that smell?” Pep Jr. asked.

Chrissie was glad her pajamas covered her diaper. “Uh, rotten eggs.”

“Rotten eggs smell a lot worse.”

“Just…uhh…why are you here?” She asked quickly.

“Water fight!” He answered with gusto.

“What?”

“You’re new here so you don’t know. Today is the appointed day for a water fight between us and the cul-de-sac next to us!”

“Why?”

“Because we’re bored and have nothing better to do! Change your diaper and let’s go!”

“How did you know!” She asked baffled.

“…Uhh…I was joking…I guess I wasn’t.” He smiled.

Chrissie returned wearing a fresh pair of cloths among other things. Pep Jr. lead her to a clearing behind the cul-de-sac. He started to explain. “There is a two year old tradition that around this time this and the neighboring cul-de-sac’s children shall have an intensive water fight. The losers must then let the winner use the clearing for all of spring.”

“You can’t share it?” Chrissie asked.

“Well…last time we tried that… best to just forget about it.”

“I don’t have a water gun though.”

“Maky provides all our equipment.”

“Our Maky?”

“Yep.”

The two of them made it to a clearing next to the area that Chrissie assumed was the soon to be war zone. She looked around at her friends. Chu had on a green hat and cameo makeup. He looked ready for a real war. Maky was holding a water gun toward her. He was reluctant to give it to her. Chrissie took it. It was already loaded and seemed heavy. Can I really shoot this? She thought. It’s not a gun, but this is also a soon to be violent battle.

Ellan looked rather unenthusiastic about the whole thing. She lazily held on to a water balloon and a three scent water pistol. This is so childish. Ellan thought to herself. However it is childish, because it is the best laid plans of mice and children. Pep Jr. assumed command.

“Okay then. The battle is close to the river. Rules are as follow. If you get too wet you’re out. Ellan is on bomb squad with Kits and Tap. That leaves the rest of us to spearhead that attack!” Some rather vague rules.

“Me too?” Chrissie asked.

“Her too!” Maky complained.

“Yes her too.” Pep Jr. stated. “If you have a problem with it oh well, but we need someone to replace Marline.” It got quiet for a moment. Who is Marline? Replace? Chrissie thought to herself.

“She can’t be as good as Marline! She’s just a stupid little baby.” Maky yelled at Pep. Jr. Whoever Marline was it had an impact on him.

Chrissie took the stupid baby comment to heart though. In her moment of self-consciousness she lost control, but only a little. Please, let no one notice. She thought to herself, and no one did.

“Oh well, but with this formation we might win again! Chrissie you’re bringing up the rear. Chu is taking lead and me and Maky have the sides. We go in now!” And so they took off.

On the field the children met. On the field the children practiced the savage art of war. There Chrissie learned why her role was vital. They were outnumbered. Many times she had to shoot. It was a game, but in there eyes this is a battle for wealth and glory. Tactics for tots? Perhaps.

The sun set and cul-de-crew lay on the grass drenched. The reason why they couldn’t get along with the cul-de-sac next door is because it belongs to the elite gold-club members. Snotty spoiled children with there nose in the air all the time because their parents gave them everything. Compared to them, Maky is a saint.

“We lost again.” Pep Jr. complained.

“If we didn’t put miss-pees-her-pants on our team this wouldn’t have happened!” Maky complained.

“Yes it would…” Tap added quietly.

“I’m sorry.” Chrissie said as she got up. Because I’m just a baby. Because I can’t grow up. Because I’m not like Marline. Was all she could think to herself. She started walking home.

“Chrissie where are you going?” Ellan asked.

“Home.” She ran off. A tear escaped her.

“Stupid Maky made Chrissie cry!” Kits exclaimed. Maky ignored her. All of them stared at him. They didn’t say a word though. They had better things to do.

Chrissie lay on her bed thinking about everything that was said. Why couldn’t I do better? If I had been better then we might have won, and then everyone would praise me and like me more. Instead now they hate me because I’m just a baby. She sat up. Her diaper had absorbed a lot of water. This is why they hate me! This is why Chris hates me! This is why everyone hates me! She dug her face into her pillow. She didn’t come up, until someone puller her up. Her mother pulled her up. Behind her was the cul-de-crew.

“Chrissie, are you okay?” Chrissie couldn’t find the heart to answer. She just sat there shivering in her cold dress. “Everyone out, I need to change her.” They filed out, they themselves shivering."

The room was silent as her mother stripped her. “Chrissie, what’s the matter.”

“I don’t like being a baby anymore. It gets in the way of everything!” She hysterically babbled. “I want to be normal like Chris!”

“Chrissie we tried potty training you before many times. It never seemed to work out… But what’s so bad. You’re a fine healthy girl.”

“No I’m not. I’m dumb and weak.” The diaper fell off. “I’m just a baby.”

“A baby can’t talk and walk and help herself.”

“A baby can’t use the bathroom or dress herself!” Lass didn’t know what to say. She picked up Chrissie and took her to the changing table. Usually she had to hold Chrissie’s tail down, but not this time. When it was done she wanted to let Chrissie pick her own cloths, but Chrissie did nothing. “I’m just a baby.”

“Don’t say that.” Chrissie just sat there. Lass grabbed a random dress and put it on her. “Babies don’t have friends, you do.” Lass left, letting the kids in. They looked at her. They were all still shivering.

Chris and Chrissie
Chapter 7: Depression and diapers

They all stared at Chrissie who stared at the floor. Not bothering to notice them. Ellan approached her. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” Was her answer.

Pep Jr. dragged Maky to the hall. “This is your fault.”

“What did I do?” Maky complained.

“You make fun of her.”

“You do it too.”

“Not in her face…”

“At least I’m honest! You were the one that tried to replace her with Marline!”

“I did not!”

“…”

The two argued and blamed each other the whole way through. Ellan tried to cheer up Chrissie who continued with her apathetic behavior.

Kits took Chu and Tap to another room. She had her own ideas.

“Chrissie is sad! So let’s cheer her up!” She told the two. Chu simply put his hand on his face.

“How?” Tap asked.

“Well Maky made fun of her for wearing diapers, but he can’t make fun of us all if we wear one!” Chu smacked his head. Being Maky’s subordinate the last thing he planned on doing was helping her. He knew Maky was being a brat, but he believed in something about Maky most don’t see.

“But that’s for babies.” Tap complained.

“Don’t be a baby and whine!” Kits told him. Chu couldn’t help but laugh.

“But we don’t have any.” Tap complained.

“We can use Chrissies! She won’t mind.” Tap had run out of excuses. Chu simply sat and ignored her. “Do you want Chrissie to end up like Marline!?” The two had turned to her. Horrible memories had flooded there heads. “I don’t want another friend to kill herself.”

“We’ll do it.” Tap answered. Chu simply hung his head. He was willing to.

Pep Jr. and Maky were still arguing (though no longer about Chrissie) while Ellan frantically tried to cheer Chrissie up. It was rather easy for the three to sneak a diaper or three from her closet.

In a guest room the three looked at the diapers. “How do you put it on?” Tap asked.

“You uh, open it up, and tape it! Duh.” She made it sound easy. Chu was regretting the plan more and more. It was truly something only a seven year old could come up with. “Uh! How about you volunteer first Tap?”

“With you here?” Tap started to blush.

“Oh, well…” Kits responded.

Chu found the uncomfort levels rising fanatically. He cleared his throat. The two looked at him. Would he speak? He pointed at Kits, and then at the door. She left. Chu then opened a diaper. He hung his head. Tap understood and took off his pants and then underwear. They swallowed there pride and then tried to get it on him. They eventually got something to work. He let Kits in.

“Uhh…you look cute Tap.” Kits said. Tap felt his pride dropping. “But what about me?” Chu showed Tap to an empty closet and had him wait behind it. “You don’t mean…” Chu nodded his head. He didn’t like the idea anymore then she did.

One awkward diapering later Kits stood there diapered. “It feels kinda weird.” Chu shot her a glance that yelled YOUR IDEA! “Okay okay.” Chu had her wait with Tap as he condemned himself to the diaper.

Maky and Pep Jr. were at each others throats and Ellan had just about given up when the three entered. Silence grabbed the room. Kits had on an awkward smile. “We came to cheer you up!” Everyone was quiet. The silence broke with a laugh. Chrissie had doubled over laughing. “Hey! You’re wearing one too!” Kits told her.

“Yah. But you’re wearing it wrong. Not only that, but these are girls diapers.” Tap and Chu could die right now. Everyone started laughing. “Why did you do this anyway?”

“So no one could make fun of you for wearing one!” Kits pronounced proudly. “And so you won’t get sad for wearing one.” Pep Jr. had stopped. Chu shot a look at Maky, who also stopped. Ellan felt proud of the trio for swallowing there pride for a friend. Chrissie, was just happy.

They really do care about me. Chrissie thought to herself.

From that day on Chrissie promised herself she wouldn’t get as sad as easily. She didn’t want to be a burden. Chris on the other hand was as clueless as ever about the friendship.

A dream plays out. An old woman on a green chair looks down on her. She looks back and meets the glare. The old woman speaks. “Foolish child, would you abandon me for friends. People will come and go, only to trample over your heart and soul. I am all you can hope to have. So foolish child, abandon your sugary ideas. I am the only one that can offer you happiness. Others will only hurt you.” The girl broke down on the floor before the old woman.

Chris woke up with a start. She grabbed herself. Tears, uncontrollable tears came down her face. Between her the familiar wet feeling introduced itself. Usually, she feels intense loath for the feeling, but this time she felt a different mix: sorrow, guilt, and shame. As she cried on herself she could feel herself whispering to herself. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Chris and Chrissie 5 6 and 7

Well done. I look forward to reading the conclusion.

Chris and Chrissie 5 6 and 7

It’s really good,You have good pacing. most stories up hear are either too vague and leave me with, “what the fuck is going on?” Or are too spusific leaving me felling “Just get to the fucking point!” You have a nice balence.

I found a few misstakes, Like in chapter five you refured the fox as the fix , when chriss was at rescess you called her chrissie, And in the sentence “Chrissie! But! When!” It should be “Chrissie! But, When?” (well I think it should.) thats all i found so far.

Side note: You have a decent amount of internal dialoge, witch is pritty good stuff, but I found it hard to disifer it from the naration. so You may wunna do the single marks EX> 'blah, blah blah." or intalics blah, blah blah.

Can wait to read more.

And for the record I like them both. Chrissie is more likable, But there’s something about Chriss that make her more… Intreging. Like at the Start we see chriss as the domanint persona, but for some reason she hasn’t got rid of crissie.