Bribed (Complete trilogy) Prequal to "Special"


( this passage is property of the author Neal Roberts and is not to be reposted or reprinted in part or in full without the authors prrmission )

I was a fairly normal 8th grader, At 5 foot 9 I was a little tall for my age witch made me a good first baseman on my school team.

Last summer I went to my friend Kevin’s party and met this girl Ema average hight brunette also"normal "

When it was about ten everyone started playing truth or dare using this app on Joes phone most of the dares where stupid but a few where fun.
The first "fun"dare went to Ema

“Kiss a player of your choice”

“Umm Ryan” we then proceeded to make out.

We kissed for about a minute before Kelsey (Emma’s friend) broke it up. We then had endured a few more stupid dares like “hug everyone in the room” and “run around the block without a shirt” and we soon got bored so we stopped playing.

Anyway soon afterwards Me and Ema started dating. We were the perfect couple, the couple who never got in fights. We agreed on mostly everything, we would take turns sitting with each-others friends at lunch because we would try to do everything together. We soon became the “model couple” in our grade.

One day I was called into guidance to see the school phycologist

“Hello Ryan”

“Um hi”

“Do you know the new girl Amy”


" Well I have a deal for you"


“I was thinking you would become her boyfriend and sort of”

I cut him off right there" you now I am dating someone right?"

“Just tell her you that you want a break, and just continue to date her after you find Amy some friends that’s all you need to do”

“Why would I?”

" Because I can raise your grades"

" like that is a good reason to break up with the girl I have dated for the past nine months"

" But your grades are below a C average so you can’t play on the baseball team If I don’t raise your grades, try outs are in one week you know"

" why me why not some girl or at least a guy without a girlfriend"

" she likes you" A long silence followed this statement

I had to play baseball and if this guy really could raise my grades to allow me to play It was worth it.

“Ok, but you need to raise my grades today”

“I will do that as soon as you leave”

" ok bye"

" I will see you Monday to talk about the progress you’ve made"

I then left.

At lunch I told Emma about the offer

“So you are going to dump me for the creepy new girl!”

“She isn’t that creepy and No I just want you to know when I am with her I am not cheating on you just pretending to date the new girl until she finds friends. Are you ok with this? All it means is we pretend to have a break while I find her friends Which should take a week at most”

“Dose that mean I get to slap you in the face in front of everyone”

" not really but if you want to I guess"

“Ok” (Emma then screamed so everyone could hear)REALLY! AND THAT MAKES IT OK! She then slapped me and walked away. By the end of the day every one in the school thought we where on a break

I have sixth period with Amy so after class I asked her if she wanted to study after school. She was surprised I was talking to her and she turned blood red.

“Um sure”

“Whose house” she thought for a few seconds

" I don’t care"

“Ok then come to my house, just get on bus 273 instead of your normal bus”

" I don’t think my mom would like it if I was at a guys house, well she doesn’t know you"

“It’s fine I’ll come to your house then”


“Bye Wait what is your bus number”


“Ok bye”

I then texted my mom telling her I would be at a friends house studying

When I found bus 940 I was sorta surprised when she wasn’t sitting alone. She was siting next to some sixth grader who apparently had no friends on the bus.

I took an empty seat a row behind Amy. I tapped her on the shoulder


She blushed again “I thought you might forget”

“Well I didn’t”

She smiled

“so where do you live”

“You know redwood road?”


“Well there is a sub-division right at the end of the road I live there”

“So who do you live with”

“Well just me and my mom”

" oh"

I then, avoiding the subject of her dad, asked where she lived before

" New York City"


" ya well we moved here so we could get out of the city"


Well mainly because my mom never liked the city"

" oh"

We showed up at her stop and got off
“You see the red one two houses down”

" ya"

“That’s mine”


I noticed this was Carl’s subdivision. He lived in a house at the end of a road near Amy’s house.

We walked into the house.

Her mom asked from upstairs" hey sweetie how was school, did you make any friends?"

She started coming downstairs and saw me

" mom this is Ryan He is studying with me"

She was more comfortable in her house even though I was there. I then noticed a look on her mom’s face like she was expecting me, she didn’t seem surprised to see the guy Amy liked hanging out in her house. I then figured Amy’s mom was the one who put the guidance counsellor up to this.

“Ryan I should probably call your mom so she knows where you are”

“She knows, I texted her earlier today”

“But she needs to know where to pick you up. What’s her number?”


" Great I will call her now"

We then went into the living room to study. I laid on a reclining chair and she sat on the sofa. She started to read the chapter of the history textbook that we needed to read that night. The Chapter was on the French Indian war. I remember being bored as Amy read the chapter a loud. I soon fell asleep.

When Amy’s mom woke me up I was really confused. I then remembered everything and apologised for falling asleep. Amy’s mom then asked me if I wanted to stay over. I asked why and was told my dad wanted to take my mom out to eat and it was Friday so I didn’t have school over the weekend. I said sure .

Amy then took me downstairs so we could watch tv.
We watched re runs of Malcolm in the middle.
We soon ate diner.The entire time Amy was looking at her mom with a somewhat mad look which made dinner awkward . To break the silence, Her mom asked me where I wanted to sleep. I told her wherever so she told me I could sleep in the guest bedroom.

Then Amy and I then went back downstairs. I asked her why she was mad at her mom.

“No reason”

" well you had to have a reason to be mad"

" I wasn’t mad" she was hiding something


After watching more tv her mom called us upstairs . Amy’s face was pale. I could see the sweat beading down her face as she waited for her mom to proceed

" Ryan, Amy has a bladder problem, so she wets the bed every night " Tears started dripping down Amy’s face as her once pale face, turned blood red.

“Because of this she wears diapers every night so she doesn’t pee all over her bed”

Amy ran up to her room

" now I understand you don’t have this problem but just in case I would like you to wear one too"

" your crazy"

" well the mattress in the gust bedroom is expensive and I don’t want it ruined"

“this is insane”

Well I think it might make Amy feel a little better about the situation. I am the only person but you, the school phycologist, and a few of her friends back in New York who know about her problem, so it might help if you showed you understood by wearing one."

I thought for a little while, If I gain Amy’s trust it might be Easier to find her friends.

" but why I haven’t wet the bed seance I was four, I doubt I will wet it tonight"

" but you could and better safe then sorry"

" and no one will know"

" I won’t tell anyone"

" and just for tonight"

" exactly no one will ever know, and you probably won’t even need it"

I couldn’t just say no, and it wouldn’t be humiliating as long as no one finds out right?
"Ok "

" great"

She then went upstairs I would guess so she could comfort Amy.

I just sat there not knowing weather or not to go upstairs.
After about five minutes of waiting I went upstairs.
I noticed four doors, two to the right one straight ahead and one to the left. The one to the left was open and inside I saw Amy who was not as bad off as she looked when I last saw her. I also saw her mom comforting her. As they noticed me Amy wiped up her tears and her mom stood up.

"Sorry to keep you waiting downstairs "

“It’s fine” I said

" seeing as its 9:30 you two should get ready for bed"

" You can change in the bathroom downstairs, Ryan."


Taking the hint I went downstairs to change.While waiting I thought about Amy. I felt bad for her. She is a bed wetter, she needed to move to a new school away from her old friends to a school where she can’t find new ones. When she finally thinks she gets lucky and Her crush studies with her at her house not only do I find out she wets the bed but I am put in a situation where I need to wear her diapers.

I used this to reassure myself that wearing a diaper tonight was the right thing to do.

As I finished up her mom came downstairs.

“So I brought you down one of Amy’s goodnights and seeing as they are allitle big on her they should fit you fine”

I then noticed a large looking diaper covered in pink butterfly prints.

“Sorry about the butterflies but that is the only kind Amy has so it will need to do”


She seemed surprised I didn’t object.

“Great you can change in the bathroom”

She handed me the diaper and walked away. I was hesitant to take off my jeans and boxers but after a little thought I took them off. I looked at the diaper I had previously laid on the floor. It was a slip on so I supposed I just put my feet through the two holes. I slid the thick padding up my legs. The diaper was tight, especially on my crotch, probably because it was a girls goodnight. I also noticed a somewhat comfortable padded feeling to the diaper. I then put back on my jeans and shirt over It.

Amy’s mom called from the kitchen" I am making you two a fruit smoothie, Mark are you allergic to anything?"

" No"


After about a minute Me and Amy where told the smoothie was ready. I was hesitant to be seen by anyone wearing a diaper. My jeans where not very baggy so you could tell I was wearing a diaper or something extra under my pants. I told myself that Amy would be wearing them too so it can’t be too embarrassing.

I was wrong. When I walked out of the bathroom and into the dining room I felt the most embarrassed I had been in my life. Even though I knew that Amy, who was already at the table, was wearing one too.

I had never been in a situation where one of my peers had seen me do anything that was close to this embarrassing. My face turned beet red as I felt ashamed of myself I felt reduced to a sad pathetic piece of trash. I have not come this close to crying seance I was eight and I broke my arm.

I then pulled myself together and slowly advanced towards the table, avoiding any eye contact with Amy or her mom.

I sat opposite of Amy at the table and slowly sipped my smoothie. The smoothie was actually very good and I was very thirsty so I drank the whole thing in less then two minutes.

After I finished I got up and went to the guest room where I was to sleep. I laid on the bed trying to fall asleep even though I couldn’t, mostly because of the fact I was wearing a diaper.

After about five minutes Amy’s Mom came in.

" I noticed you where wearing jeans and I figured that they wouldn’t be comfortable to sleep in so I brought you some of Amy’s shorts for you to sleep in. I am going to leave them here on the floor Ok?"

" Ok"

" goodnight"

I felt a feeling of absolute nothingness at that point. I didn’t care.

I soon reasoned with myself. Amy was not going to care that I had worn a diaper. I soon realised she was probably in a worse state then me. She probably thought that after I left her house tomorrow, I would never talk to her again.

This would have been true if I had for some reason voluntarily came to her house after school.

It was true that I couldn’t sleep in my jeans. I figured I had nothing to lose by putting on the shorts. I then got out of the bed and walked towards the shorts. They where neon green short shorts with an elastic waste.

I didn’t see the harm in putting them on. It wasn’t like someone was going to see me. They hid the diaper at least somewhat. I got back in the bed and eventually fell asleep.

I woke up to a moist, worm feeling near my crotch. I didn’t know what it was but it felt great. I laid in the bed for about five minutes before opening my eyes. It was dark. I looked for my alarm clock to see what time it was. It wasn’t there. Soon everything came beck to me. I then realised
the feeling was a wet diaper. I panicked. I looked at my phone to find it was about one in the morning. At least I had time to think. I could just throw the wet one away and sneak across the hall to Amy’s room and put a dry one on.

I then tried to take the diaper off. It wouldn’t budge. It must have been stuck on there from all of the piss. I looked out the window. The woods where just across the street. If I went through the woods I could get to Carl’s house. I texted Carl to leave a pair of scissors and a pair of sweatpants on his back porch.

After about five minutes he texted back asking why. I told him that he can’t ask but he would owe me. He then told me that he would put them on the patio table. I told him I owed him one.

I then climbed out the window onto the roof. I jumped off of the roof into a bush about five feet below the roof. I then had to brush off all of the leaves on me. I ran across the street and into the woods. I soon noticed that I had to go again.

As the pressure built up on my bladder I started to run until I couldn’t hold It anymore. As I let the pee flow into the now overflowing diaper I felt pressure on my ass. I soon couldn’t hold that in ether so I let a soggy crap fill the back of the diaper. I felt like a true baby as for the first time in my life I cried. I didn’t even bother continuing to Carl’s house because with shit all over myself there was no way I was going to change into Carl’s cloths. I just walked back to Amy’s house crying.

I entered through the front door and went back upstairs to the guest room and laid in the soggy mess that was in my diaper feeling defeated. I then softly cried myself to sleep.

( this is part one of three, feedback is welcome)

Re: Bribed (Part One)

Interesting, I was lost at the end but maybe it was a dream. Cliffhanger.

Re: Bribed (Part One)

Hey guys! This is the first time I have been on since spring break because I lost my laptop and couldn’t buy a new one until today. I will try to have part two done by next Monday.

Re: Bribed (Part One)

Bribed part two

Sorry that part two is so short but I decided to turn “Bribed” into a prequal to another story that takes place when Ryan is a freshman in highschool. It has a richer plot and is longer but i need to make parts two and three tie into chapter one of the other story. I don’t have a name yet but I will tell you when I do. Enjoy!

I woke up with the same dejected feeling that I had just felt in my dream. I was relieved to find out that it was only a dream, but I soon learned that was only half true. I had wet and craped all over the inside of the diaper. It felt discussing. It was itchy, moist, cold and it smelt horrible. For these reasons I couldn’t go back to sleep. I had to get out of this diaper.

I took out my phone from my back pocket to check what time it was. 4:26. It took me about a minute to think of a solution for the problem. When I realized that I could just go into Amys room and grab a new one.

I tried to open my bedroom door but it was locked from the other side. I wondered why. It couldn’t be Amy who locked it so it must have been her mom. I thought some more and soon realized that she must have put a laxitive in the smoothie I drank last night. I guess she wanted Amy to feel better by having me wet myself, or so I wouldn’t back out of the deal I made with the guidance counselor, or so I wouldn’t tell anyone else, or mabe all three. This lady really was crazy.

The mess in the diaper was starting to itch. I needed to get out of that discussing thing now! I then realized I could climb out the window like in the dream. I opened the window and then the black screen that people use to keep bugs out of the house. It was a damp cool night. It was about 55 degrees out but the wind and a light drizzle made it feel like it was 45. As I started walking barefoot along the brown shingles, but I stepped on a nail. It was too dark to tell if the nail was rusty and I would need a tetniss shot if it was. I left my phone inside so I couldn’t tell if it was. I had to go back. I walked back over to the window and squeezed through. I felt around for the table that I had left it on and soon graded it.

I used it to look at the wound on my left foot. It was bad. The nail had punctured a hole about a centimeter into it and left a shallow scratch before going into my foot, and of corse there was blood everywhere.

I used about ten tissues and a rubber band I found to stop the bleading. This worked pretty well considering what I had.

There was no way that I was going to step on my foot again, at least until morning when it healed more. I had to find out if the nail was rusty though so I hoped over to the window and shined the light on my phone on the nail. After wiping off the blood I found no rust. Thank god.

I couldn’t do much else to get out of the diaper so I just tried to go back to sleep. I thought about how I got into this mess. It wasn’t my fault, I mean I didn’t know she was a bedweter or that her mom was crazy. I soon fell asleep.

I woke up to the smell of my own shit. I layed there inhaling the smell for the next few minutes in a half asleep and half awake state. Like the way I would on any other Saturday morning. Out of habit I grabbed my phone and checked instagram. Nothing was that interesting. I then checked my email and found one new email. It was from the guidance counselor.

" Hi Ryan,

I know that by now you have probably found out that Amy has a bladder condition. I hope that you can still respect her as a peer and you don’t back out of the deal. I would also like to thank you for spending some of your free time hanging out with Amy, I realy appreciate that.

Your friend, Dr Goins "

" wow that is about the creepyest email I have ever gotten" I murmerd to myself.

Heard a click come from the door and quickly put my phone back in my front pocket.

As Amy’s mom opened the door I pulled up the covers in an attempt to hide the smell.

“Good morning Ryan, sleep well?”

“Um yea”

“great, did you stay dry?”

My heart started beating faster as I tried to come up with a response, but she figured that I wasn’t dry before I could answer.

" Its ok accidents happen, see that’s why I had you wear the diaper just in case"

I could see the gratification in her face when she found out that her plan had worked.

“let me just go get some clean cloths for you to change into”

Although I still felt defeated, I don’t think she noticed that I messed the diaper. I thought about this more. Did she really not smell the mess. From where I was it smelt obvious and if she really did put a laxitive in the smother wouldn’t she expect me to mess too?

She came in. She sniffed, and soon smelt the baggage in my diaper. Based on the likeleynes that she was acting she did a good job because she almost made me forget that she most likely caused this.

“Did you make a number two too”

I nervously responded “umm yea”

She stared at me for what felt like ages but was probably less then a minute.

My face started getting red and tears started to form in my eyes. I wiped them off trying to keep a brave face on.

“Its ok, I won’t tell your mom”


“yea It was a one time thing and probably won’t happen again, so she doesn’t need to know”

“thanks I am sorry It won’t happen again”

“Its not your fault, look just change out of the diaper and we will forget that it ever happened”

After I she left I changed into the cloths and I went downstairs, had a quick breakfast, my mom arrived and I left.

Re: Bribed (Parts one and two)

Bribed part three

Monday felt like any other Monday slow, long, depressing, and drabby just more so long as I was awaiting the guidance office to call me In to discuss the progress I had made. I was not quite so anxious to get out of class as I was To re-negotiate the terms of are little deal.

There was no way in Hell that I was going to just take the good grades for the rest of the year I was looking for something better like immunity to any detention or suspension that the school might feel I deserve. Or good grades my first year of high school as well as this year. Or even a little cut of his salary.

I knew he knew I would be mad at him for not filling me in on the part where the Amy wets the bed and her mom is crazy enough to give me some kind of laxitive to make me mess the diaper she made me wear.

The thought of me not needing to do any work for all of next year occupied my head the rest of the day while I slacked off until I was called to Guidance.

I did the best I could to look angry as I walked In but the possible outcomes of the situation where all to good so I had to try to act like I was mad.

“hello Ryan, so how’s Amy working out?”

I replied still with the angry look on my face but in a firm confidant tone like I ment business “I was at her house on Friday and she invited me to stay over and after I excepted I found out that she wets the bed. I also found out that her mom is crazy enough to make me wear one and feed me a laxitive so that I need to use it”

“really? Amy’s mom is so nice, she wouldn’t do anything like that.”

“Well she Did”

“You know It would be such a shame if all of your friends found out about this. I wouldn’t consider forfiting the deal if I where you”

I had played the situation over in my head hundreds of times that day and wasted no time responding “It would also be a shame If my dad sued the school system for you breaking the doctor patient confidently rule, I mean you would not only lose your job, but your licence, and would have trouble sporting your family because you can’t get a job that pays enough. Soon your wife will take your kids and leave you with nothing but a house that the bank is about to foreclose on you. What a shame.”

This stunned him. He stared at me for what felt like forever while I tried to keep my face as confident and somewhat angry as possible.

After what was probably realistically two minutes of science I spoke. “I suppose we shall re-negotiate the terms of are little deal then”

“as well as the good grades for the rest of the year I want good grades my freshman year of highschool and the first semester of my softmore year as well as a continuously maintained percent record”

"what is that? "

“It just means if I get suspended you take that off or if I ditch a-few days you go into the system and mark me present”

“How? I barely know anyone at your high school”

“You find a way or the deal is off and you can do your own job without my help”

after more waiting he responded “fine” I shook his hand with a straight face and then left.

I realized almost half of high school I could now slack off without consequences, not do homework, enjoy life. My fantasy was becoming a reality. I had the best mood I have had in years. I felt like everyone else missed out on the greatest thing ever, but me. This was of corse true.

As I walked back to class the bell rang telling me to go to 7th period, the last class of the day. Amy was in this class. As I walked in I graded a seat next to her. She seemed surprised that I sat next to her.

" Sorry about… Well everything."

The fact that she made the first move was impressive to say the least.

" Its okay Its not like anything was your fault."

She seemed very relieved that I didn’t seem mad. In fact, despite Friday night, I still felt accomplished for the deal I had just made.

“Umm do you want to study tonight, for the math quiz”

" I have practice today but we can study tomorrow."

" Ok I’ll text you" she then started to do the worksheet that the teacher had passed out.

I did not really want to do homework with her, or even text her but I still had to hold up my end of the bargain too. I soon realized that I wasn’t even close to dating Amy, for all she knew she could think I just wanted to be her friend. This got me thinking about why I had to pretend to break up with Ema. I could ditch practice and take her on a date so that we could catch up. We have only briefly talked since the fake break up and I really like her I didn’t want this to become the end of us. I liked her too much. Sure sports and school are important but is it really worth it If I can’t be with Ema? No, no its not. I needed to at least talk to her, to know that she still felt the same way I always felt about her.

I didn’t need to really break up with her right? I just had to pretend that I was not dating her. I had been so involved in this that I hadn’t even thought about Ema in the past week. I wanted to spend time with her, talk with her, watch a movie with her, and I didn’t realize how badly I needed her to help ease the emotional scars caused by last weekend.

I now felt more hurt then ever knowing that the person who should be there for me the most can’t be there because I am just too lazy to get good grades.

I found myself feeling a relatively new emotion, sadness. I had been mad and happy plenty of times before but I still can’t remember the last time I felt sad, felt like I was the only one to blame for everything that happened and there was nothing to do about it.

I was quiet the rest of the day.

When I got home I layed on my bed feeling sad, alone, and hopeless. I had not known that i could get this sad. I kept telling myself to be happy, I could pretty much not do school for the next year and a half. It didn’t make me feel better.

I picked up my phone and stared at it for awhile. I soon decided to call Ema.

I soon old her about everything that happened to me since we last talked to each other. I had felt better about everything. Ema was like that, always calm and collective, and could make people feel good about bad news. I needed to talk to her. I was glad I did. After telling her about my weekend, I asked her on a secret date. I explained that that ment we would just order pizza to my house and have a date there. She then told me she could be there tomorrow night.

It was a cold Tuesday. Rainy, drabby, the kind of sad day that you think nothing good can happen, where the sky sets the tone for a dark depressing day. It seemed like a repeat of Monday but the gloomy grey clouds had turned into gloomy grey clouds with scattered thunderstorms.

Tuesday was not like that. The Math test we where supposed to have was canceled because the teacher didn’t feel like coming to work today. Not that it mattered to me but I still didn’t like tests. Because the fields were soaked we got to play dodgeball in PE for the first time in two months. It felt good to burn remaining anger at the diaper situation by peging people in the chest with kickballs. Not that that is the most healthy way to release my anger, but it still felt so good.

In science we did a chemistry lab. I got to have my friend Calvin as a lab partner. For the first Time in what felt like a while I was enjoying myself. Me and Calvin messed around during the lab and we still got a good grade because our teacher didn’t notice us.

At the end of the day I finally felt like I was over the scaring that i got from the diapers.

End of part three of the prequal to the main story

I can’t summarize it without ruining the first chapter but I can tell you that the story gets alot more intense then It has been. Hopefully the prequal will help you understand the characters better.

The next chapter will make a complete transition into the new story and wrap up the loose ends in the prequal.

Thanks for reading!

Re: Bribed (Complete trilogy) Prequal to “Special”

I apologize for the Necro-bump but the author was complaining about the lack of salient criticism in another thread (,6285.msg61483.html#msg61483) and I noticed no one gave him much of a critique on the work he made. I thought it only fair to provide one, as I ask for the same from my readers:

I was a fairly normal 8th grader, At 5 foot 9 I was a little tall for my age witch made me a good first baseman on my school team.

Here, the sentences should be separated by a semi-colon not a comma. “Witch” refers to an old crone; “which” is the word you meant. In addition, I would suggest writing out numbers because the amount of them used in a single sentence is distracting:

“I was a fairly normal eighth grader; at five foot, nine inches, I was a little tall for my age which made me a good first baseman on my school team.”

Last summer I went to my friend Kevin’s party and met this girl Ema average hight brunette also"normal "

How does this relate to the former sentence? I thought we were talking about baseball or school? Suddenly this is about Ema, a girl of average “height” (not “hight”) who was also normal. Also normal? But the narrator was only “fairly normal.” It’s not exactly wrong, but it doesn’t sync right. Grammatically, it should read:

“Last summer I went to my friend Kevin’s party and met this girl, Ema, who was of average height, a brunette, and also fairly normal.”

When it was about ten everyone started playing truth or dare using this app on Joes phone most of the dares where stupid but a few where fun.
The first "fun"dare went to Ema

Okay, wait, so we’re not talking about Ema anymore, we’re talking about the party? I’m confused. Where you write “where” I think you mean “were.” Also, you use quotation marks where they are unnecessary (e.g. “fun,” “normal”). Also, this sentence is a run-on. You also forgot the period.

Grammatically correct version: When it was about ten everyone started playing truth or dare using this app on Joe’s phone; most of the dares were stupid but a few were fun. The first fun dare was made of Ema.

Rewriting your first section (utilizing the narrator’s name from latter) for flow it might be:

“My name’s Ryan, I’m five foot nine inches, a good first baseman, and a little tall for my age. Last summer I went to my friend Kevin’s party and met this girl Ema, who was of average height and a brunette. When it was about ten, everyone at the party started playing truth or dare using this app on Joe’s phone; most of the dares were stupid but a few were fun. Ema got the first fun dare.”

Now, the first sentence is about Ryan, the second sentence transitions from Ryan to the party he attended and the girl he met, and the third sentence stays on the topic of the party and the fourth returns to Ema. There’s a single thought process running through the paragraph.

Generally, your punctuation is incorrect (failing to use periods, commas, etc.), improper capitalization, misspellings, improper spacing and that’s in the first part of the first chapter. Also, 90% of your story is dialogue and you do not relate the speaker frequently enough. (she said, he said, Ryan asked, etc.) Work on description between the dialogue. I apologize but, until these issues are largely cleared up, I can’t enjoy reading your story. I don’t need perfection but at least a spell-check and punctuation at the end of each sentence is a fair request to make before being expected to read it.